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Author: Subject: The OO Wankipedia
I'm a gigantic brain!

Posts 100
Registered 8-6-2006
Member Is Offline

Mood: Greetest

posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:41 PM Edit Post
The OO Wankipedia

Warnings and General Information

1. If you use a board theme that does not highlight links without your having to mouse over them first, you are going to miss hundreds of links.

2. Most of the links in the Wankipedia go directly to posts, not thread pages. Because of this, your profile's Control Panel personal settings must be set to the same as those with which we made the links. Our links are based on viewing 25 posts per page. To make the links go to the correct posts, go to your control panel and set your posts per page to 25.

3. Although this thread is locked, please visit the Wankipedia FAQ and Response Thread if you have questions or comments.


To all of the unfortunate newbies about to read this because someone sent you here in disgust � because you didn't use the search function or didn't read the board rules � hopefully ignorance is no longer an excuse, because now you can always look it up. To all those with sufficient curiosity to come here on your own, I hope you came here with low expectations. Finally, this is dedicated to Bonestein's Mom, LeeF's Mom, LeeF's Dad, and Jeb Sr. WE'RE SO VERY PROUD OF ALL OF YOU.


This reference work could not have been completed without the enormous effort of the Moderators. They double-checked the IPs and email addresses of Troll and Shit Posters, remembered deleted threads and posters, went on wild please-doublecheck-this-identity goose chases, explained arcane rules, explained plain rules again, responded to queries and requests many times over and added supplementary data to entries that were often speculative.

Many, many thanks go to Angstboy, Borntorun, Canadian Bulldog, Chris is Good517, Eli, Erin Anderson, FusionFistCutter, LuckyLopez, Markout, The ModSquads, Mooseheadjack, Operation Retard, The Rick and Slade for writing entries. Thanks to TarheelMike, 2HoT, Folby and BFG for U2U'ing answers to questions and/or giving feedback. Also, thanks to the Mods, Slade, Moose, Markout, Eli, Erin, Chris, Borntorun, Bulldog, Operation Retard, The Rick, LuckyLopez, Bo_knows, Salmonjunkie and FFC who took the time to read the Wankipedia � in part or in whole � suggest entries, make corrections, suggest changes, and vet the accuracy of every entry presented here. Their feedback, ideas and encouragement helped to make this happen. Thank you. Finally, a special thank you to every newbie who's asked a question about some old inside joke and thus inspired everything here.

View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Member
I'm a gigantic brain!

Posts 100
Registered 8-6-2006
Member Is Offline

Mood: Greetest

posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:42 PM Edit Post


Potentially the name of the "terrorists" who "hacked" the message board in 2005. Or just some crap that the "terrorists" wrote, whose meaning we can't divine. Either way, the main page of the OO boards always featured "Abu_Karim" somewhere on it, following a Hack. [Note: some OOsters dispute this spelling and prefer Abo Karim, which may have been used too.] See also: Foooz and Hacks.

Ad Company Complaints
In spring 2006, when some posters were floating the theory that eliminating ads on the forums might eliminate the Late Night Board Lag, Rick received an exhaustive list of complaints about board content from the company that provided his ad package. According to Rick, the list was extremely detailed, technical and not at all fun to read. Bottom line, the ad company faced legal troubles for generating revenue off pages that contained stolen copyrighted content (OOsters' frequent image-laden threads, links to YouTube, discussion about torrents, etc.) or deeply offensive content ("Crucifuckwad," FFC's posts, etc.). Complaints in the latter category were incredibly detailed and applied to so many OO mainstays and beloved content that attempting to comply with the ad company's demands would have required hundreds of man hours deleting or "scrubbing" posts and likely the cleaving off of about a third of the message board. Rather than kill off a sizable portion of the OO boards to save the relatively low revenue yield from its ads (the boards account for 1% of OO's traffic), Rick tossed out the complaints and ditched the ads. Sadly, it didn't solve the board lag problems in the process. See also: Crucifuckwad and Late Night Board Lag.

Ahmed Johnson
You can swear at OO, but a poster's self-censorship ("p*ssies") brought out Modsquad003, who clarified the profanity issue once and for all. The Mod Bitch posted a list of acceptable swear words, and a list of three completely unacceptable words: Cunt, Damn and Ahmed Johnson. There doesn't seem to be any reason why she chose Ahmed Johnson, apart from the fact that he sucks. But the joke has carried on for two years now, used as a dire curse, and often crops up in comedy threads. See also: Comedy Threads and "A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of [Banned!!!]".

See: Anderson, Erin.

The Amazing Chucko
One of the more unbelievably stupid OO trolls, Chucko popped over here during one of his schedule-free high-school-dropout days, equipped with a broken keyboard, dim brain and some astoundingly white raps. Chucko apparently thought there was a real feud going on between OO and 411. He also apparently thought he could rap. But first, he apparently thought he could book a mean imaginary promotion. Grundy County Wrestling (GCW) featured the hardest-hitting action in Grundy County, Tennessee, and starred people from the high school that Chucko dropped out of. More importantly, many of those people didn't know they were part of his elaborate fantasy world, as frightened or astonished comments posted on his website � Peter Pimp � revealed. After flooding various forums with cut-and-paste jobs of GCW shows, Chucko was banned. He returned to demonstrate that he had real socialization issues off the boards as well. Then he got banned. He returned to post his raps. After having his raps about the girls he used to ogle in high school ridiculed, he sought to stoke the flames of an OO/411 war by writing raps about OO and engineering failed board invasions from 411. Alas, his first collections of writings � as TheAmazingChucko and chuckconry � are lost due to the Great Board Wipe. But an attack on OO and an ode to 411 remain in this outstanding thread. Marvel at the raps. Check out MrJustinB's hilarious smackdown rap, Jeb's horrible straight-out-of-1988 rap, and ModSquad's final smackdown, complete with embarrassing links to multiple Chucko writings. Speaking of which, Chucko's geocities site provided a welter of unintentional comedy. Though he was eventually IP banned forever, the pictures on his site of Kari Hargis' butt and Jessie Nolan's butt managed to provide infinitely more laughs than any of Chucko's raps. See also: The Great Board Wipe, Jessie Nolan's Butt and Kari Hargis' Butt.

Erin Anderson
Nicknamed "The Broad" and board-named "Alana," Erin Anderson is an Atlanta, Georgia native and a former main-page columnist. (Although she has not officially retired, she admits that her regular column-writing days are pretty much over. It's hard to write a wrestling column regularly when wrestling is in a downturn and you're in college and hold a full-time job, while also trying to maintain a social life.) Erin's association with OO began following an email exchange with Jeb regarding his "Creating the Half-Fan" piece. From there, Erin joined the boards and began posting and participating in Monday night Chats. Coincidentally, both Rick and Jeb were encouraging her to try out a column for the main page. During a Monday night chat, the issue was finally publicly broached, with Jeb brainstorming another barely tolerable punny column name, "The Broad Perspective," hence Erin's nickname, "The Broad."

Because Erin has girl parts and is not ugly, her early posting days saw rather many instances of e-flirting, which spawned a brief "STOP HITTING ON ERIN" backlash. (Most examples of OOsters complimenting Erin for doing just about anything, offering to U2U or IM her, and asking detailed questions about her life that exhibited intimate recall of offhand comments she made in chat were lost in the Great Board Wipe.) Later, Erin announced that she had ringside seats for an Atlanta RAW show, for which she solicited ideas for signs. One winning suggestion was "ORTON FEARS JEB," which she held prominently over the barrier. Erin's ringside position also afforded her the opportunity to heckle Ric Flair, who not only shouted back at her but also inadvertently (or maybe not) groped her chest during a match. A year later at another RAW show, Erin heckled Flair enough that he again responded and lunged over the barrier at her. The two instances produced her two Flair avatars, both of which won Boardie Awards for Best Avatar. (The two avatars, as well as the ORTON FEARS JEB images, can be seen in The Rick's Signage Archive.) Finally, for her 1,000th post, Erin posted a picture of her pointing at her (clothed) rack, as part of the unofficial "The Rack" tradition. Over the following year, Erin's posting rate declined, while interest in her posts dramatically increased due to gossip about "Rick Loves Erin" drama. Lately, Erin has gone somewhat AWOL, something she had previously done due to the rigors of her class schedule. No one knows when she will return to posting regularly, but by all accounts, she's doing fine. See also: The Boardies, Chat Room History, Great Board Wipe, ORTON FEARS JEB, Post Count Celebrations, Rick Loves Erin and The Rack.

Ando's 52 Posts
A formerly frequent poster, Ando's claim to fame � aside from first-ever winner of FFC's Drunken Tiara Challenge � is setting the board record for most posts in a single day at 52. Of course, if you ask any veteran who was around then, this number will vary. Some prefer the rounded 50, while others will argue for 56. But enough vets remember that the number wasn't round � and it seems unlikely that people would say "56" when they could say, truthfully, "nearly 60" � so 52 would seem to have a slightly better claim on accuracy. Regardless, we'll never know, since his record-setting day fell during the posting interval erased by the Great Board Wipe. Since that day in January-April 2003, no poster in good standing has come close to the record. The only two serious contenders were Brocksucks and Kobashimark, both of whom were trolls who picked one argument in one thread, then replied to virtually every post in the thread and virtually every reply to every one of their posts. Ando's record is likely to stand forever, as there's virtually no chance that the Mods would allow anyone to post that many times in one day anymore. See also: Brocksucks, FFC's Drunken Tiara Challenge and Great Board Wipe.

A joking reference, usually accompanied by no other text. Common use of the word refers to Chris Jericho's WCW claim that he was the "Man of 1,004 Holds," which was four more holds than "Man of 1,000 Holds" Dean Malenko. To prove his point, Jericho read off a list of his 1,004 holds in the middle of the ring on WCW TV. Since Jericho obviously didn't know that many holds, virtually every third item on his list was an armbar. While "ARMBAR" began as an homage to Jericho, usually in list threads, it later took on either an ironically critical or a spastically absurd meaning. It now usually appears in threads where members are merely posting empty lists at one another (e.g. "Here's three movies I like," "Here are two I like," "13. ARMBAR") or Comedy Threads in which someone is pointing out the inherent silliness of the content by stating "armbar" and assigning it a number. The reference got its biggest workout in the mega-list thread, "Moves Mark Henry Can Do." See also: Comedy Threads and "Moves Mark Henry Can Do."

Around the hOOrn
Around the hOOrn (ATH) is an organized wrestling-based argumentative competition that debuted in March of 2004 and continues to be a semi-regular feature on the message board. The competition, which is adapted from the ESPN show Around the Horn, has changed over time but continues to follow a regular format. An opening round question, usually based on current events in wrestling, is asked by the host, who then sets a deadline for responses, which can be given by any number of interested participants. After the deadline has passed, the host selects a certain number of the highest-quality responses to move into the next round, where another question is asked, and the eligible posters give their responses. The host whittles down the competitors again, and this process of question/answer/elimination continues until culminating in a final round of two or three posters and an eventual winner. The winner usually only gains prestige and that "good feeling" of winning, but sometimes receives a custom status.

After consulting with ModSquad, Borntorun began ATH on March 29, 2004 by posting rules and procedures that would remain in effect until he ended his run as host in late May. The first round began the next day. Several fantastic wrestling discussions came from this, especially when the most literate and expressive posters made their way into the final four and championship rounds, and veteran posters Madiq, Markout, and Bigfatgoalie were almost always the victors. After about two months, though, the number of participants dwindled and BTR decided to take a break, which ended up being permanent.

Nearly a year later, G-B brought back the competition, and while the general format was the same, some rule changes were made to level the playing field and maintain interest. The first ATH had regulations to responses and was, unfortunately, sometimes skewed towards those who wrote more. ATH version 2.0 set word limits in some of the opening rounds. Also, the "hidden forum" from the first version (which was put in place so other posters couldn't interfere with the competition), was replaced by a simple warning not to post in the thread if you were not part of the competition. Despite the rule changes and a few more memorable threads, ATH died again � with roughly the same life span as its parent version � after a week where only one competitor entered. G-B vowed to return in a few weeks once interest was piqued again, but because of real-life factors he never took the helm again. In ten weeks, though, a great number of board members participated, with Metallikid and Bigfatgoalie picking up 60% of the victories.

The most recent version of ATH began nearly a year after ATH II and was hosted by Around the hOOrn legend Bigfatgoalie. BFG opened season 3 with familiar rules and format but made the finals a triple-threat instead of a one-on-one matchup. Unfortunately, BFG was only able to complete one round (won by JHeaton) before computer problems caused his attention to wane, and ATH was put on the back burner again. However, the OO-commitment to the competition means that it is quite likely the game will continue to show up, and if the pattern continues, it will return in spring 2007.

In the heady days of CBS WrestleLine, Rick was obligated to write the "Ask the Rick" column, which provided a forum for Rick to answer readers' questions about obscure wrestling history. He hated it. Unfortunately, it was incredibly popular. When Rick launched OO, he didn't want to burden himself with the obligation of writing a weekly column he didn't enjoy, but he did want to maintain as many links to the old WrestleLine as possible. After all, a new site isn't immediately a going concern, and everything he could do to capture the interest of the old WrestleLine readership could only help OO. Still, he didn't want to actually write the thing. Instead, he settled on a compromise. When setting up the forums, he created "ASK THE RICK" as a home for old-tymey wrestling discussion, with the premise that he would drop in occasionally to answer the few reader questions that weren't already answered by other readers. Two factors worked against this scenario:
1. The pre-Mod boards were an ugly place, and it's not surprising that Rick didn't want to answer questions about "teh Hurty Boysz" from people with 400-pixel avatars devoted to forced-sodomy enthusiasts from OZ.
2. Deep down, The Rick is a lazy man.

Unfortunately, new posters weren't familiar with Rick's enthusiasm for boozy bachelor sloth, his lack of enthusiasm for the forum, or his antipathy toward poring through minutiae for answers. Consequently, hundreds of uninformed or naively well-meaning newbies posted in search of replies from the big cheese himself. Many were disappointed. As a result, when the Mods consolidated slow or superannuated forums in 2003-05, they repeatedly petitioned Rick to rename the forum. There was no need to confuse new posters, and a clearer mandate for the forum (i.e., "Retro talk goes here, bozos") could only help keep the board organized so posters would know where to go for their content fixes. For two years, Rick was unwilling to part with the name. Although writing the column was a pain in the ass, he was reluctant to part with another connection to an established popular body of work. He finally relented when the Mods consolidated the INDY/INTERNATIONAL SCENE forum. With the name change, the wrestling forums finally broke down according to recognizable boundaries: Current Wrestling, Old Wrestling, Fake Wrestling, Trivia, Girls. See also: Forum Mergers and INDY/INTERNATIONAL SCENE.

Ass Clown
For a few months after the Software Update, the Mods used their new ability to manipulate custom statuses by giving all banned posters the status of "Ass Clown," in homage to Chris Jericho's use of the term. Eventually this practice fell by the wayside as it became more fun to give humorous statuses related to what someone did to get themselves banned. The Mods later deleted all banned characters' custom statuses when it became clear � via the Shit Posters' Message Board and other means � that some banned people enjoyed earning the custom statuses and even celebrated them. [Note: some have been reinstated because of citations in this encyclopedia.] Still, posters may run across a reference to someone getting "Ass Clowned" in an old thread. A good example is Bud Ellock registering as BenoitFan and commenting on his getting Ass Clowned as Clint Johnson. See also: Bud Ellock, Custom Status, Shit Posters' Message Board and Software Update.

Brad Smoley coined the term "ASS MACHINE" in a fictitious promo between Shawn Michaels and Triple H that he co-wrote with Jeb for the main page. Satirizing the wrestlers' almost interminable real-life promo on the preceding RAW, both Jeb (as Shawn) and Brad (as Triple H) had their respective characters gradually descend into a kind of mania and echolalia, repeating nonsense words with greater vehemence. Smoley wrote, "I'VE got a treadmill and no GOD or Jesus or TUNA will save your ass from the ASS MACHINE, you ass." This was actually a callback to a recurring joke in the OO Chat room, where chatters mocked Bill Goldberg's comical inability to use the word ass in a threatening manner (e.g. "You bet your ass, your ass is ON!") by using "ass" pretty much constantly in a sentence. (E.g. "Ass yourself this, when you ass the big ass, is your ass is gonna ass up? NO. Ass.") "ASS MACHINE" had a good run of references, with nearly constant use in the chat room at one point, but it has lately fallen into obscurity. See also: Chat Room History.

When the OO boards were first created, new posters could select their own avatars. However, as there was (and still is) no board software restricting the file size or pixel size of said avatars, posters abused this privilege and led Rick to disable the avatar function. After the creation of the Mods and the Software Update, however, avatars were restored because there were now people able to restrict abuses of the avatar function. Abuse of avatar privileges now results in a temporary Zeroed-Out Post Count and the bestowing of the General Incompetence Avatar, both of which are detailed in the Board Rules. Some people react to this policy with vehement indignation. Usually it is because they believe their posts have disappeared forever, something that the board rules explain will not happen. Still others' indignation comes from an attitude of persecution and injustice that seems to stem from a kind of emotional protectiveness of the oversized image itself. This visceral reaction argues against loosening the "No Sig Images" rule, as clearly some people are capable of defending just about anything in the same way a mama bear does her cub... or an underage drunk will growl at someone going near his last tall-boy of Coors. See also: Board Rules, General Incompetence Avatar, No Sig Images, The Perfect Avatar, Software Update and Zeroed-Out Post Count.

View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Member
I'm a gigantic brain!

Posts 100
Registered 8-6-2006
Member Is Offline

Mood: Greetest

posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:42 PM Edit Post

Banning Stick
The nickname for the ModSquads' banning power, coined originally by ModDawg. Although there is no literal banning stick � the Mods don't have some sort of Mod Rec Room filled with weapons or anything � it is often referenced with affection or mock-fear as a real corporeal weapon.

Basket of Puppies
A phenomenon wherein a bad in-thread conflict is willingly defused by one of the antagonists by his or her posting a large image of something disgustingly Hallmark-cute � like a basket of puppies. Frequently other posters join-in and follow with their own variations on the nauseatingly cute picture theme. Contentious poster Kyle Maxwell (OO Kyle) later made "Basket of Puppies" his mood and a picture of a basket of puppies his avatar, which had the effect of automatically making his posts seem less combative by association. See also: OO Kyle.

Nothing really separated Bemanisuperstar from the other random dum-dums who show up, until he started worrying about "the gay." While some early posts featured the bereft-of-thought top-ten list phenomenon that we've all come to know and loathe � including this roster of heavyweights � he mainly peppered the occasional thread with stupid and moved on. Things probably started turning against Bemaniblahblahblah when he claimed Vince McMahon made "snuff films." But even that seemed redolent more of a Whiny Smark Lexicon post than any particular individual lame-brained tendency. After all, plenty of hyper-intelligent people have called Owen Hart's death a "murder." No, Bemani's defining characteristic was that he apparently thought that he would be hanging out backstage at WWE events (strike one), be irresistibly attractive to homosexual wrestlers (strike two) and somehow forcibly railed by them, or something (strike three).

The thread itself unraveled a little more slowly than that. (After all, we weren't going to go berserk about the gay issue. We OOsters are "mature enough to talk about who's a Flamer" without losing it... or using words like "flamer," come to think of it.) Bemani started out wondering which WWE wrestlers were gay. A few people answered seriously, and some joked around. But since someone's sexuality should generally be irrelevant, 2HoT eventually wondered "what fucking difference" it made, short of a buttfucking breaking out, mid-match. The phrasing alone was masterful, and almost all credibility was flushed out of the thread. The last remaining shred of it departed when Bemani revealed he didn't want to head backstage and get hit on by men. That was rich. Needless to say, many people had fun with this, including Canadian Bulldog, who posted a backstage vignette. After a few more posts, ModSquad003 closed the thread for being too gay. This was effectively the end for Bemanisuperstar. He wasn't banned; but since the jokes at his expense wouldn't go away, eventually he did.

About a year later, Bemani reregistered as MichiyoYoshiku. Something about his piss-poor posting tipped off ModPrime, who did some snooping and discovered it was Bemani again. He passed this information on to Angstboy, who'd clearly been most irritated by Michiyo's poor reasoning, and thus most deserved the pleasure of "outing him" � and probably most appreciated the irony of "outing" someone so pathologically afraid of homosexuals. On the off chance that Angst's outing Bemani was a little too subtle, ModPrime made sure his Bemani-ness was more flamboyant. Of course � even faced with a Mod who can, you know, check these things � everybody lies; Michiyo claimed that there was no connection between him and Bemani. This elicited one of the best Mod burns of recent memory: "Really? Then maybe you should give him back his IP address." He has not posted since. See also: Lessons the Mods Have Learned and Whiny Smark Lexicon.

"BFG is a douchebag"
When Erin Anderson had tickets to go to a live RAW in February 2004, she asked if anyone had any ideas for a good sign. It turned out that Operation Retard had tickets for the Smackdown taping that same week, so he piggybacked on Erin's thread to get his own sign ideas. Soon enough, Salmonjunkie made the offer of $20 to anyone who could get "Thai smells great" or "BFG is a douchebag" on television. Bonestein quickly seconded and offered his own $20 if "BFG is a douchebag" got on TV. Optard, being the poor college student he was, jumped on the idea right away and declared, "'BFG is a douchebag' WILL be on TV." As a bonus, BoerboelLVR also agreed to send $20 of his own if the sign made the airwaves. The show came, and Optard got the sign on TV. (He also managed to get a picture of RJ's photoshopped rack on TV. These and other images can be seen in The Rick's Signage Archive.) When proof was posted, there was a minor controversy over whether the sign said douchebag, since the screencaps were a little grainy. People accused it of saying "doughboy," "dutchbay," and even "DFWOERFFEW." In the end it was accepted that it said douchebag, and Salmonjunkie, Bonestein and Boerboel all sent Optard his checks for $20 each. Optard, living up to the retarded portion of his name, forgot to tell all three of them that Ziggy isn't his legal name, and thus ended up with three checks made out to "Ziggy Blumenthal." In order to cash the checks, he had to endorse them as Ziggy, sign them over to himself, and be ready to claim that Ziggy was his brother, if anyone at the bank asked. He has no idea what he spent the money on, but beer is a safe guess. See also: Bonestein vs. Bigfatgoalie and The Rack.

The Big Shit
Although unbeknownst to everyone at the time, The Big Shit was yet another incarnation of Bud Ellock. Big Shit's gimmick was that he was the Big Show, and he was posting on the road from wherever Big Show was � yet, ironically, he was also critical of the Big Show, as evidenced by his own name. The whole thing was a dog's breakfast of poor thinking, a painful reality never clearer than when reading his posts. While the trollishness of his posts now seems almost quaint and innocent, especially compared to the shitrain that later came down on the boards via Shit Posters, his tenure at OO will remain funny if only for the fact that he claimed to be the son of Andre the "Gaint" and that he, himself, was also a "Gaint." Though irritating at the time, his posts are probably the only thing Bud Ellock ever did that was intentionally funny � even if it did take nearly four years for anyone to be able to look back and laugh at them. See also: Bud Ellock, Shit Posters and Troll Posters.

Billy Gunn Royal Rumble
"The Must-See Grand Finale of the Billy Gunn Countdown: The Royal Rumble" was the culmination of two and a half weeks of posts by Borntorun in January 2004. Then-WWE wrestler Billy Gunn, who had been sidelined by injury, appeared in vignettes on Smackdown, promising his return at the Royal Rumble. Since Gunn was probably one of the most detested wrestlers in smarkdom, it was inevitable that someone would complain about it. Niles Anderson started a thread entitled "Billy Gunn Countdown?" and basically asked if a weekly series of Billy Gunn highlights was necessary. Relatively new poster Borntorun, being an actual Billy Gunn fan, took offense to this and vowed to give voice to the glory that Billy deserved by relating a memorable Billy highlight for the entire 17 days until he was to return. The highlights began relatively tongue-in-cheek, with BTR presenting many moments only because of their obvious absurdity or because they offered the chance to manipulate and distort widely known history to make Gunn appear greater. Eventually, though, the highlights degenerated into the five-part series "Behind the Ass," which was notable mostly for revisionist history and the amount of photos BTR found. (Most of which, unfortunately, have been removed from their webhosts.)

The countdown was due to end at the Royal Rumble, and BTR wanted to end big. So, using a collection of wrestling figures (some his, some borrowed from friends), random toys, vitamins, and whatever came to mind, he set about crafting a Royal Rumble of his own, where Billy Gunn would be the star and eventual winner. The project consumed a Saturday afternoon and all of the Royal Rumble 2004 Sunday (finishing touches were being put on it before the event, won by Chris Benoit, began). These "results" were actually posted before the real-life event concluded. Small problems came up during the making of the Rumble, most notably the toy wrestlers falling down all the time and the house cat repeatedly crashing into the ring. Regardless, the idea was a hit, and BTR is still living a bit off the acclaim. The thread is the only one to be directly linked from the Online Onslaught main page, to be permanently stickied to the top of Parts Unknown, and also won the 2004 Boardie for Best Wrestling Thread. Sequels to the thread have been planned every year since but have never come to fruition. It should be noted that although the thread nets a reply from a newbie two or three times per year, it's extremely popular with Google Bots on a weekly basis, which give it a regular jolt of hits due to: (a) its link on OO's main page, and (b) its phenomenal number of references to 1980s and 1990s toys and wrestlers from different eras and companies. See also: The Boardies.

Board Rules
A list of rules that must be read and OK'd when registering for the boards and can also be found topped in the WRESTLING and COMMENTS ABOUT ONLINEONSLAUGHT forums. Aside from this encyclopedia, they will tell you everything you need to know about posting at OO. Despite their importance, the Mods maintain that virtually nobody reads them.

The Boardies
Often spelled with a double-o, the Boardies Awards were the brainchild of ArmyofOne, who inaugurated the awards in winter 2003. The Boardies have been awarded every winter since. The process of creating the Boardies involves a nomination thread in Parts Unknown, wherein posters propose new awards. Then the new and old awards each get their own nomination thread, where the top-five nomination-getters are then tabulated. Their names are then put in poll threads for each category, with the highest vote-getter winning the award. In 2005, the Mods altered this process slightly by proposing two threads per category, for voting, with the top two highest vote-getters (from the total of votes from both threads) going to a run-off poll thread to determine the victor. After ArmyofOne tabulates the winners, he then posts an award thread which is topped for one year. In 2003 and 2004, the Mods contributed their own awards to individual posters. The "Moddies" were missing in 2005. Similarly, the "Rickies" � awards handed out by Rick Scaia � appeared only in 2003.

Bonestein vs. Bigfatgoalie
Two of the loudest and most opinionated long-standing members of the board, Bonestein and Bigfatgoalie seem to have been at each other's throats forever. The question stands, where did it all begin and why? Some may find it hard to imagine that there was a time when Bones and Goalie got along. But for a period, they seemed more liable to become friends than each other's nemesis. Initially, they used their shared Canadian heritage to educate Americans on the wonders of Canada (both serious and silly). They managed to civilly share their love of hockey and even found common ground in the world of wrestling. Digging far enough back finds unbelievable quotes from Bones such as: "I don't write editorials. I write expletive-riddled flame posts that tell people about how I 100% agree with BFG." (This last comment appeared in a thread titled "GIVE BFG A COLUMN NOW!!!" no less. BFG is especially fond of citing this column whenever the subject of his "feud" with Bones comes up.) So where did things go sour? Unfortunately, no one really seems to remember � not even the two guys involved � but a search through their posting relationship shows them as friends in January 2003 and antagonists by April, meaning that the breach occurred during the Great Board Wipe. BFG has speculated that the kickoff happened in a thread in which Bonestein lambasted his usual fawning devotion to Trish Stratus, whereupon BFG slagged Bones' favorite, Stacy Keibler.

It seems preposterous that a years-long antagonism between two men could be precipitated by crushes on two women they were never going to meet. But, then again, a years-long board feud is pretty preposterous already. A more serious pop-psych explanation might be that the two men exemplify a neat study in opposites. They had just enough shared characteristics to get to the table and meet � both roughly the same age, both Canadian, both WWE, NHL and MLB fans � but once there, the more significant aspects of their characters were in binary opposition. BFG writes long posts, takes his opinions very seriously (and sometimes very defensively), has an almost reverential attitude toward Trish Stratus and Stu Hart, and is borderline jingoistic when it comes to Canadian performance in international sports. Conversely, Bones wrote one-line zingers, seemed to take many of his opinions seriously only when writing them (laughing them off later), seemed equally as sacrilegious and iconoclastic about wrestlers and teams as he was reverent, and was repeatedly critical of BFG's �ber-nationalism, especially in hockey. In many ways, BFG couldn't help but sermonize too seriously about his love for wrestling, Trish and the Leafs � and while Bones shared enough belief to have wandered into the church of his own volition, he appeared less interested in hearing the homilies than in pulling the pew out from under BFG just when he was about to sit down.

The first fight we do see is Bonestein being the first of many to defend Jeb when it seemed like Goalie was disrespecting the work that went into Jeb's Crashing the Boards columns. By this time their feud was clearly in full swing. Bonestein took cheap shots at Goalie with the slightest provocation or the thinnest of excuses. Their disagreements almost always started off with insults � and like any good sports fans, their insults flared at playoff time. The escalation progressed over a matter of months and grew with the stubbornness of both men. Goalie's making a passing comment criticizing the OO Writers quickly became a thread devoted to attacking him; and it showed that Bones may have been only the angriest and most vehement of many posters with a similar attitude toward BFG. Goalie had found himself on the wrong side of a number of veteran OOsters, and he himself was clearly growing weary of the constant bickering and unwarranted excess ridicule. There were more than a few threads like this in 2003, where it seemed as if the only thing a group of disparate posters could agree on was how wrong BFG was. Reading his posts explains it in part: BFG's choice of words often seemed a sort of magical incantation that could alchemically turn his criticisms into something that could piss off and alienate just about anybody. But the response to him soon exceeded what his comments merited. The fact was that, after a while, being flabbergasted and annoyed at what BFG said grew to be such a normal reaction that posters became inured to the nastiness of what they said. It was no longer overly mean; it was simply what was done. Contextually, then, it didn't seem so odd that Bones was perpetually looking for a fight. The feud was long; it was bad, and it was petty. But as 2003 ended, it began to lose steam, amongst Bones and other posters. It abated not because the two men had patched up their relationship or changed their interests, but because each had chosen to step back from the board as a whole. After growing frustrated and after a clash with ModSquad, BFG posted an "I Quit" Thread and left the boards (although he continued to lurk and visit the Chat Room). Bonestein simply took to lurking more and posting less.

Upon his return in March 2004, BFG posted an obituary for the four-months-dead Canadian wrestling legend Stu Hart. Rather than slamming him or calling him an idiot, Bones executed a passive eye-rolling kind of gesture by posting a four-year-old obituary of legendary Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau. After all, both were Canadian; both were legends; both were dead; and both had been dead long enough that it was old news. The point seemed to be made that, though the two would never have a full rapprochement, at least they could snipe at each other less directly. Aside from clashes about the NHL, much of the bitterness the two appeared to keep for each other had seemed to fade, if not disappear. As said before, the intensity of Bones' (and other posters') flames on BFG probably owed a lot to their ubiquity. Since they happened all the time, they seemed less reprehensible. However, when BFG took time off, that negative momentum stopped. When he suddenly returned to the boards, a venomous tirade against him seemed all the more stark, petty and inexcusable. No one would claim that Goalie and Bones become friends or even really mended fences. More likely they both simply grew up and grew tired of an energy-draining dispute that was going nowhere. See also: "BFG is a douchebag," Chat Room History, Crashing the Boards, Gay Wrestler CTB, Great Board Wipe, Hive Mentality and "I Quit" Threads.

Boystwinsmom's tenure at OO was about as short as any could be while still leaving a mark. When starting his one and only thread, he brought to attention the topic of Batista The Puppet. The premise was simple: Boystwinsmom was presumably privy to details of Batista's personal and professional behavior and found it wanting. The basic idea seemed to be that Batista himself was a tool for others, with little to no integrity; but it was also revealed that Batista "thinks it is no big deal for rumors to start about babies" and that his new name "should be pinocchio" because he "is not even a little boy yet." Operation Pajama Pants may have put it best with a simple, "I don't get it," but apparently others did get it, or were willing to fake it. TarheelMike was upset that Batista never returned his calls, and Folby revealed that he in fact had been impregnated by the WWE superstar and now could not get a hold of him. Bigfatgoalie offered a defense of Batista and a solution for the child custody situation. Boystwinsmom returned for his third and final post at OO to provide Folby with some helpful contact information and to suggest taking the issue of Batista's unborn child directly to him (clearly ignoring that Folby had already said that Batista wasn't answering the phone). The rest of the thread was left to list Batista's numerous flaws � including the fact that he never puts the toilet seat back up, never rewinds video tapes, fails to show proper appreciation when given rides, and apparently has fathered bastard children with more than just one OOster. ModSquad made one appearance in the thread to suggest that Boystwinsmom was in fact a past banned moron. Unfortunately there are no clear signs as to any Boystwinsmom alter egos, and, when asked, ModSquad no longer recalled what he was referring to. The status of Batista and Boystwinsmom's relationship is also unknown.

Broad, The
See: Anderson, Erin.

Some may be surprised to learn that this term originated from a debate about Bill Goldberg's wrestling ability and value to the WWE. The debate saw Stormtrooper and Bigfatgoalie arguing that Goldberg was worthless, with Blown Spot and Slade as the two main challengers to their position. BFG tried to address the issue with sensible arguments, while Stormtrooper demonstrated some fabulous Smark thinking and asserted that Goldberg was a bad wrestler because his best match was against Diamond Dallas Page as opposed to Chris Jericho, Christian or Bret Hart. (Why this should actually be an important criterion is anyone's guess.) BFG took the position that Goldberg's value was obtained from his long winning streak in WCW and claimed that anyone could have made it that big with a similar streak. Slade challenged this view by arguing that Rodney Mack couldn't even get X-Pac heat from his winning streak. The debate eventually moved on to include Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar as examples of wrestlers with streaks. BFG made the claim that both of them remained valuable contributors to the product once their streaks had ended, but that Goldberg did not � all without a supporting argument.

After Slade asked for clarification, Stormtrooper responded by employing the sort of self-reflexive, self-reinforcing smark reasoning that's become his hallmark: Lesnar was valuable because, "a) he's BROCK b) he main evented many PPV's including WM after his streak ended and c) he's BROCK." Slade delivered a sarcastically damning reply in which he basically questioned Stormtrooper's argument that Brock Lesnar is valuable because he is Brock Lesnar. Stormtrooper then clarified what he meant by "he's BROCK" by noting his amateur wrestling background, agility and mat skill. Slade replied with a devastatingly funny flame that received applause from several board members and, more importantly, solidified the definition of "BROCK" as an adjective that describes a wrestler who: (1) "has a background as a successful amateur wrestler"; (2) "is very agile"; and (3) "has impeccable mat wrestling skills." To date, the definition of BROCK remains rightfully unchallenged. See also: Smark.

He didn't even last a full day with his first identity, and yet he still posted 42 times in the same thread within that span. Brocksucks may not have been the first to do it on the internet, but he definitely innovated a form of troll at OO: the guy who registers with one axe to grind, finds one relevant thread, then bumps it to the top with dozens of one-line snotty responses to individual lines in several posts. ModPrime's initial critique might have jumped the gun and seemed too critical if it weren't for the fact that in the time it took Prime to write it, Brocksucks had fired off a handful of snotty troll posts. Then, before Prime could reply to Brocksucks' first response, Brocksucks posted seven more troll posts. At that point, Prime gave up, guaranteed a later banning and left Brocksucks for the rest of the board to play with. The kicker is, hating Brock Lesnar isn't necessarily bad; the way he went about it was. He presented no argument, had no point other than "Brock Sucks," and rather than clumping together a lot of other posters' comments and his replies in one post, he posted dozens of empty "zinger" trolls back-to-back-to-back, ad nauseum. Any reply given to him was trolled with the same one-dimensional zinger parading as fact. Despite the emergence of "BrockRocks!" and "Brock_Insider" as Parody Accounts (and a reemergence of "Deep_Insider"), nothing could redeem the thread short of a good banning and consignment to Parts Unknown. Whatever Gimmickman might have wanted to claim, the thread definitely was not "BROCK." ModPrime tried to close things out on a benefit-of-the-doubt note, and OOsters added about two pages of "don't come back." It's possible that the two subsequent pages baited Brocksucks into returning to post again � that perhaps all the posters having the last word and paying attention to him was too much of a draw � but his wanton display of being a fuckass in the previous four pages pretty much absolves any board member of guilt. He would have come back anyway.

The first reappearance was as Hiflyer. Even before he was outed, he managed to expose his own IWC-related hypocrisy and general trollishness. Following a post from Chris is Good517, in which Chris castigated IWC negativity, Brocksucks/Hiflyer praised him for his positive outlook. "It's time for the cynical garbage on the net to stop," he said. Then he invited Chris to attack "the owner of, Shawn Valloric. All that imbecile ever does is trash WWE on a daily basis. That prick is the Osama Bin Laden of the IWC." Such a comment would have been rich fodder for unintentional comedy had ModPrime not outed Brocksucks and told him to take his fascinating "intranet fyood" with whoeverthefuck Shawn Valloric is somewhere else. The format of Brocksucks' reply was so awful that Prime scrapped it and replied with quotes Krydor-style. Brocksucks then said that he hated "guard dogs" and that Prime should be put to sleep. A ban happened almost immediately; ModDawg added, "Woof." Brocksucks appeared again a short while later as "Hitandrun," and any pretense of being a normal, valued poster went right out the window. Instead he responded to another poster's interest in posting at other forums with a long deranged screed about how OO sucked because ModPrime banned people for no reason, allegedly because he was a "sex-crazed psychopath" related to Brock Lesnar. Then he concluded with, "Maybe Rick has no idea how big of a jackass you really are but I do and so do the people you needlessly banned. I'm putting you on notice right now Modsquad. If you ever cross me again, I'll make you swallow that keyboard of yours!" Then he followed it with ten "mad" smilies. (No, really. Go read it.) Unfortunately, once again the board Thread Merge Glitch kicked in and removed about a page of posts from this thread when the Mods tried to merge it with another Hitandrun-heavy thread. Though the posts are still viewable via Mod tools, they sadly are not visible to posters. OO is missing out. Prime then banned Hitandrun to see if the whole keyboard thing would happen.

Brocksucks returned again as Dudewithattitude. We can infer he had attitude and was also a dude; hopefully that's not reading too much into the name. Dudewithattitude wanted us to know that Cena is the Nietzschean Superman in his world and that all Cena-haters are pathetic losers. He omitted whether said pathetic losers lived in their mother's or their father's basements. (Given that he expressed hatred of all homosexuality, he probably assumed that we all came from stable mom/dad families and thus lived pathetically in our heterosexual never-divorced parents' basement.) Because ModPrime was busy moving threads, he didn't check the IP of Dudewithattitude and thus didn't know it was Brocksucks until Dudewithattitude posted a flame on Prime (that Prime then edited to a blank). Dude/Brock quickly replied with a parody of Prime's post adding in cleverness about mom buying Prime's computer, Prime surfing gay porn, Prime wanting to rule OO, Prime sucking Rick's ass, etc. The thread degenerated even further from there, with posters flaming and joking, depending on their commitment to the subject matter. Figure Foreskin felt bored enough to entertain himself and created anagrams � one of which was "Randall Orton = Torn Anal Lord." Meanwhile, the Mods edited out one of Dudewithattitude's posts and edited in an homage to Austrian recording artist Falco. Thankfully, Bo_knows stopped everyone from making a mistake. We had all gotten carried away with the free-for-all, wallowing in the smug filth of our mutual-admiration society. He saw what we were up against, saw a crisis, and acted accordingly. Bo_knows made sure we knew we were dealing with a Bad Dude. Brocksucks registered again as "thephenomenalone," only to ask if "ModSquad really runs this board." He found out. He registered again only to snipe at ModPrime, again to no avail. As "the_equalizer" he probably thought he effected a rebellious and determined martyr pose by daring to reveal how Prime sucks as a moderator, but Prime again turned it into a joke, with an inane list of things that make him suck as a moderator and lots of blanked-out posts. Brocksucks' last post told us that ModSquad drinks urine. OO fervidly awaits more revelations. See also: BROCK, Comedy Threads, Krydor Style, Parody Accounts and Thread Merge Glitch.

Bud Ellock
It probably isn't his real name, but it's the closest we'll ever get to it. Suffice to say that Bud Ellock is only arguably the worst poster in OO history because The_Insider managed to combine supercilious hostility with pig ignorance and because TopTenPro stuck around longer and managed to stalk individual OO personalities, thus making the "Worst Poster" distinction more a matter of personal distaste than a determination made from objective criteria. Bud started posting as #tcb, then as Bob, then The Big Shit, then Bud, then Goose, Fred, The Other Take, Keith, Norm, Norman, Clint Johnson, BenoitFan, KNIGHTRIDER and finally LieCheatSteal. Most of his posts are thankfully lost to the Great Board Wipe. For our purposes, that loss is slightly unfortunate, as the creation of the Mods and the improvement of the boards are owed in no small way to his relentless trolling. HulkRulez might have posted as LeeF and NoNameRequired and tormented a columnist, but Bud managed to achieve a level of horrifying dumbass unnecessity that the board will never see again � outside of a Joey Lawrence spoken-word album, a collection of Kelly Clarkson papsmears or a 80,000-word message board encyclopedia. It's tempting to suggest that those who like the board's moderation owe some thanks to Bud (and even that those who don't like the board's moderation probably wouldn't be posting here without it), but it's a sad rule of the online life that, even without Bud, the internet eventually would have washed up a similarly deep-dwelling malformed creature just like him.

Because of the unavoidable and deserved absence of the many posts that made Bud insufferable, it's probably best to describe his character generally, rather than by going through a complete linear narrative of his posting history. Bud loved Hogan. Like an "I have a framed picture on my wall of me shaking his hand" and "Hogan has a framed copy on his wall of my restraining order" kind of love. (He probably was poster "Hogan Hogan Hogan" � though that cannot be confirmed.) When he described himself, he didn't say, "I am a fat fuck," he said, "I'm 6'3 and 303 pounds -- about Hogan's legit size in the 80s." Though he often wrote and reasoned like a child � when he didn't, it was the exception that proved the rule � he seemed to have the tastes of a man born in the middle of the 20th century. Perhaps this was because he seemed to live with his dad and thus likely didn't control the remote or what got rented from the video store. Regardless, his favorite comedians were John Fox and Freddie Prinze, Sr. He loved Howard Cosell. He praised Jackie Gleason and wanted to get a hold of copies of the worst Smokey and the Bandit movie. He loved Elvis Presley, naming himself #tcb (for the letters Elvis branded on his own property, short for "Takin' Care of Business"); and he loved Clint Eastwood enough to name himself Clint Johnson, review his movies, use Dirty Harry quotes in his sig file and break down WWE shows along the lines of "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly." Yeah, it was weird. He liked Wayne Newton, for God's sake. In addition to obnoxiously displaying a peculiar fetish for every entertainer born before 1950 or film released before 1985, Bud pulled every troll "misdirection" move one could think of. He argued with #tcb as Bob, then made fun of Bob as "Keith"; he asked who The Big Shit was as Bud Ellock; and he replied to his own old threads, using a new personality to bump "good ideas" to the top. Bud was an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in stupidity.

While it's clear that Bud lacked most positive social skills, he'd somehow acquired a fully developed repertoire of negative social skills, almost as if by perverse compensation. This informed his pattern of behavior with OOsters. Step one: he would seek approval. This invariably resulted in people ignoring his threads/posts or responding with focused disapproval. (Ryan O Reily blasted Bud's first ever post at OO, twice, a public service that rescues him from the tenth level of Hell and moves him upward to level nine.) Step two: Bud would bargain, argue or cajole for approval, almost as if he could convince others that their not liking his posts or ideas was a simple, easily corrected mistake. "You don't think it was an informative recap? Well, it's a comedy recap; reread it." This would result in further disapproval, as posters had to not only repeat their earlier critical statements but also tended to dislike being told that their opinion was something they would "reform" if they only knew better. Step three: faced with repeated disapproval, Bud would lash out with insults of the board in general, of types of arguments or more specifically at those who had failed to give him approval. This could mean his using Babelfish to say, in German, "I hate you people," telling OOsters that they "are not RSPW," threatening to leave or calling Bigfatgoalie "Q**er-A$$" and saying that OOsters were about as smart as bean dip. Usually OOsters dealt with these episodes in the most productive way possible, by noting that anyone who got that exercised over his posts and their reception probably should step away from the computer. Since it was particularly important for Bud to not look like a loser, he would back away from his own posts and his temper tantrum. Thus, step four: better known as "I'm playing you all," Bud would ask, "What if I am kidding?" and try to give the impression that everything was a joke, a gimmick, or perhaps an elaborate contrivance. We were meant to think that he didn't actually care about his posts or sincerely get pissed off that everyone thought they were no better than ratshit; instead, he just threw a fit to see how we'd react. When these sorts of posts garnered the kind of "Uh-huh" response they deserved, Bud moved on to step five: token apology and humiliating self-appraisal, followed by a return to step one. "Bud Ellock" (the poster identity) went through these cycles faster and with greater intensity than #tcb or any other identity of his, but again, most of those posts are lost to the Great Board Wipe.

Going through the same thread-anger-regret-thread narrative with all of his identities would be a waste of time; and, unlike TTP, Bud always pretended to be a different person for a while, which makes his posting history jumpy and nonlinear. Telling a story is impossible, since there are almost a dozen to tell. Instead, here are some highlights of Bud Ellock's time at OO:
He was a racist, a distinction he vehemently denied while confirming it several times.
He hated homosexuals, something he prided himself on. After all, "Most queers rape little boys as Priests, or rape little girls. They are filthy, degenerates that should be in a mental hospital." His hatred of gays was so intense that when he was having sex � in his mind, one supposes � he refused to "do" oral sex, as it "was created, so the fags would have something to do. So since I am not a faggot, I do real sex and real sex only."
� Despite his apparent approval of hating gays and blacks, calling other people "queers" and telling other people they were pathetic, spelling out the word "ass" was too offensive and was always replaced with "a$$."
� His devotion to Hogan � the GOD of wrestling � was, literally, a lunatic devotion. For instance, he sincerely believed that "If Hogan's legacy dies, then we admit that America has died." That whole thread is a gem, actually.
� OO, as a board, was "biased for Triple H" [emphases ours], a point he somehow believed he illustrated by cross-posting a bunch of stuff from WrestleCrap. His general take on Triple H and H's fan reaction surpassed the delusional. More citations would be put here, but virtually any random thread of #tcb's from Parts Unknown will show his bizarre and hysterical obsession with Stephanie McMahon, Triple H and the blind fans who couldn't see that she was exactly the same in real life as she was on television and that he controlled even the inanest details of all other wrestlers' lives, mortgages, digital-cable packages and choices of large, grande or venti.
� Whenever he sensed that an account was not long for the board, he'd post some sort of freeform rambling that one can only imagine was supposed to be fascinatingly macabre or desperately affecting. ("This man cannot be banned! Do you not see how he suffers with himself? Himself!") Unfortunately, it didn't really work. Still, "Ramblings From a Madman" probably sounds more impressive and pithy than something like, "I Am Venereal�Asspatch?"
� Like so very many trolls � it almost seems like a prerequisite � he not only had a huge hard-on for nitpicking and excoriating virtually everything Scott Keith ever wrote, he also dreamt that he was in some sort of competition with Keith over the hearts and minds of thousands of internet readers. Though there are dozens of threads that exemplify this peculiarity, the Scott Keith "Rant Fight," points up the disparities between what Bud thought of his writing and what everyone else did. Also, it's worth it just for Slade's reply.
� He's probably the only person who got Jeb, Krydor and Magnus to agree on anything.
� After the Software Update but before Rick tweaked the software, users could delete their own posts. As "Norm," Bud deleted several posts about Bugs Bunny, prompting ModPrime's ire and a short-lived running joke for board veterans. After he then reprised his use of Babelfish, this time in French, 2HoT piggybacked on Salmonjunkie's "let's not" comment with, "and say we did. And then edit it to not say we did." The edit/deletion jokes carried to another thread, in which jokes about Bud's brutally fucking up quote tags got added to the roster of recurring gags. Unfortunately, Bud/Norm deleted posts from this thread as well, making the remaining posts confusing and nonsensical.
� His making another irrelevant Hogan-related post spurred Jeb to write a completely irrelevant little story, which made Norm admit that Jeb reminded him of someone from high school named Andrekio. It is a blow from which Jeb has still not completely recovered.
He drove Niles Anderson to the very extremity of rage.
� There are probably two dozen posters who still have him on their U2U Ignore List. In fact, he's probably the only reason why some of them know there's an Ignore List. If you got into an argument with Bud on the boards, he would bombard your U2U inbox, often with content even more delusional than his posts. Bud considered every argument on the board to be part of a vital war over issues of real moral force, and backing away from it on the board necessitated his pursuing you into U2U. Then, to fail to engage him in U2U was an act of cowardice. When his irrationally combative tone made no headway with posters, he'd enter the same cycle of comment-tantrum-apology in U2Us that he used while posting. The only real difference between his U2Us and his posts was that the private nature of U2Us made lying easier, as the whole board wasn't able to view his statements and call them into question. Thus, in a series of U2Us, he told Rasslinjunkie that he might be dying. Unfortunately, RJ took the bait.
� As Bud Ellock, he repeatedly mentioned that he used to run the Bud Ellock school of wrestling, with his cousin Blubber Rhodes, a distant cousin of Dusty. This got very old in January-April 2003, but thankfully only one post remains. Also, his incredible Geocities website still works.
� He had an incredibly bizarre thing for Nikita Koloff. He frequently mentioned Koloff as a type of comparative tool when reviewing matches. This suggested that Bud probably thought Koloff was some kind of universally understood cultural yardstick with which anything could be measured. He was very serious about this; it's tempting to think of his evaluating the worth of things in relation to their degrees of Koloff. It wouldn't be the least bit surprising to discover that, in real life, he had gone to the butcher and said, "No, I don't want a chateaubriand, the Hulk Hogan of steaks. I want something solid but not top shelf. What would you say is the Nikita Koloff of steaks?"
� He's posted nearly 6,000 times at 411's board � even warmly welcoming TopTenPro. (Note: even TTP hated Bud, which says something.) According to OO members who also used to post there, his account had been banned and reinstated at least 5 times by the beginning of 2005, in most cases because of trolling threads with dozens of "Hogan Is God" posts.
� He probably wasn't kidding when he wrote this. See also: Big Shit, Ex-Post Facto Editing, Ryan O Reily, Great Board Wipe, TopTenPro and User-Deleted Posts.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:42 PM Edit Post

Captian Mayhem
One of the principle Shit Posters, the Captian was another incarnation of Shithousepoet. Indeed, their posts (and their entries in this encyclopedia) might as well be interchangeable. He was notable only for his strange devotion to Spongebob Squarepants, writing inane polls, creating the term "mabey" (which, given the spelling of his name, might have been fated to happen) and for posting hundreds of pictures of shit on the board. See also: Mabey, Shit Posters, Shit Posters' Message Board and Shithousepoet.

The common name of the board's NEWS forum, derived from its former name of "CURRENT EVENTS." The abbreviation CE was used as a means of both saving the time of writing "CURRENT EVENTS" and distinguishing it from the wrestling thread of the same name. I.e., "No, not the wrestling one, CE." Although once home to much more lighthearted fare, often supplied by Dr. Pivo, CE's content began to devolve in 2003 to mostly serious and polarizing topics regarding American (U.S. and Canadian) politics and global issues such as Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan. More lighthearted News of the Weird fare has been making a comeback recently, in part due to the collective exhaustion and argumentative hangover following George W. Bush's reelection and second inauguration. Membership of active CE posters skews to the left, in part because leftists simply outnumber declared conservatives � but also partly because even Canadian and English posters who describe themselves as centrist are, by U.S. standards of left/right, practically a hammer and sickle away from being outright commie. It probably saves time to note that Krydor, ArmyofOne and GoVols are really the only prominent declared conservatives (politically, not religiously), with most other regular ideologically declared posters leaning to the left (or far left) of them. All told, CE is not the nicest of places, with a high intolerance for newbies who wander into a months- or years-long feud, and even more intolerance for stupid newbies, or just general stupidity. (Witness Ultra Magnus dismissing Firebreaker Chip's entire post by having the stones to supply an actual fact.) For years, CE was dominated by the titanic blog- and article-link exchanges between Krydor and Ultra Magnus. Although posting there can involve heated, sometimes brutal exchanges, it is generally agreed upon by all that what happens in CE stays in CE. (Kyle "OO Kyle" Maxwell was usually an excellent practitioner of this.) Evidence of this can be seen in exchanges between, say, Mooseheadjack and ArmyofOne on any other part of the board � ones which are generally polite, often friendly, positive and supportive. CE discussions and their emphasis on multiple quotes are also responsible for the creation of "Krydor Style." See also: Dr. Pivo, Krydor Style, OO Kyle and Ultra Magnus.

Chat Room Instructions
There are two OO chat rooms. One, the New Chat Room, is linked on the main page of the forums and is almost never used. You can figure that one out on your own. The other is an old java chat that is usually linked to in a temporary chat thread on Monday nights. (These chat threads almost always have no content other than a link to the chat room, and they are always deleted the next day or a few days later. This does nothing to keep neophyte and even some veteran posters from writing serious RAW-response posts with the expectation that somehow the posts and thread aren't going to be scattered to the land of wind and ghosts in short order.) The old java chat seems to baffle newbies, which is probably just the way veterans like it. At the risk of their wrath, here are some tips:
� Upon entering the old chat room, hit the FINGER button to figure out what channel everyone is in.
� Make a joke about the term FINGER to yourself, now, because everyone else has already made every finger joke you can imagine.
� To join the appropriate channel, type /JOIN X, where X is the number of the channel people are in.
� Sometimes, the channels are locked to keep out jerks. In that case, you'll need to get the attention of the channel owner. To do that, type /YELL X, where X is whatever plaintive appeal you think will get you in the chat room.
� Once there, you will be asked to identify yourself. Either fill out the NAME field on the top left and hit ENTER on your keyboard, or type /NICK X, where X is your name. (Or whatever name you think best fits the current running gag in the room. Comical name changes mid-chat, sometimes half a dozen of them per person, are not uncommon.)
Or just use the new chat room. It's lots easier, and no one will make fun of you there for screwing up. Granted, that's because chances are no one will be there, but why split hairs? See also: Chat Room History and New Chat Room.

Chat Room History
The chat room history often complements board history. Just as the new Mods were bringing some stability to the boards and giving posters the chance to get to know each other more freely (without having their openness or camaraderie get trolled, flamed and trainwrecked), OOsters were taking a stab at using the chat room and sharing the experience of watching RAW together. After Erin Anderson made an impression on Rick and Jeb with her posts on the boards, it was in chat that both of them (Rick openly, Jeb "whispering") suggested that she write a column on the main page, and she accepted then and there. Just weeks after OOsters were considering RAW chat "appointment discussion," TopTenPro decided he had a weekly date with the OO chat room as well. The need for removing or silencing TTP taught OOsters how to lock channels, use the FINGER button to recognize IPs, kick out routine trolls (or friends, for a joke), and squelch users. Despite being routinely banned from OO and booted, locked and squelched in the chat room, TTP didn't leave it for nearly 18 months. Over time, the popularity of the chat room has waxed and waned with the popularity of wrestling � it's been slow-going for over a year now � and often reflected or even inspired board attitudes. For instance, recurring jokes about Goldberg's misuse of "ass" were first traded in the chat room. (Whether Slade's thread on the same subject was inspired by the chat or mere coincidence is uncertain.)

From perhaps late 2004 to early 2005, a WWE/TNA war of attrition unfolded between Matt "OOMatt" Hocking and Brad "Angstboy" Smoley in the room, one that spilled over to the boards and was imported back into chat. Matt often took an almost trollish satisfaction in advocating a wrestling opinion guaranteed to exercise everyone else � then repeatedly changing the criteria or definitions inherent to his argument whenever someone else countered what he'd said. While Matt said that he often did this to be playful or teasing (and while in some cases this is true), sometimes it was difficult to see the humor or even the unseriousness of it � especially when other times it was plain that he took things seriously or genuinely delighted in pushing people's buttons. As one might imagine, this did not often end well. (Matt was already on several chatters' bad sides for his perceived theft of chat jokes for his Satire column.) For example, Smoley was particularly apt to lose his temper with Matt's frequent tactic of dismissively sneering at a recent TNA angle featuring two moderately charismatic, high-workrate wrestlers � then turning around and fawningly praising a nearly identical angle in WWE featuring two less interesting characters with the workrate of boiled peanuts. Jeb's WWE Salesfan column was inspired in part by the disingenuous gymnastics Matt required to dismiss all things TNA and celebrate all things WWE in the chat room. Though Matt and Brad had both abandoned the chat early in 2006, it continues to be reflective of broader board trends � sometimes even anticipating them. The wholesale nausea with Cena's raps was a frequent refrain in chat before it became de rigeur on the boards. The same can be said for the "stop complaining about Cena � he's underrated" backlash to Cena bashing.

There are relatively few rules in the chat room, and many of the few that exist are unofficial and haphazardly enforced. Some people will kick out all "unknown" posters, while other channel owners ignore them. Some believe that someone's saying "HERE COMES THE PAIN!" in response to someone's recent comment will get that someone booted as well. Still others get exasperated when anyone discusses wrestling seriously; frequently, GimmickMan espouses this point of view, perhaps because he is too consumed with updating the scores from a Scrud Falls Roughriders v. East Jesus Rough Riders preseason lacrosse match, then blaming his team's loss (the Rough Riders) on criminal officiating and calling for the coach's head to be put on a pike and carried through the streets of Scrud Falls borne by a quartet of black-clad horsemen. While Gimmick is clearly irrevocably insane where sports are concerned, his expectation that there be zero wrestling chat is not irrational, as sometimes wrestling sucks so much that it never gets mentioned. The only substantive chat rules are: one, no talking to people who have been banned from the boards; two, if the only thing you have to offer is parroting the Whiny Smark Lexicon and standard smark line on any given topic, you might as well chat in your own channel alone and literally talk to yourself, since that's what you're figuratively doing anyway.

Chat rules are generally overwhelmed by chat traditions. "HERE COMES THE PAIN," as mentioned, is one. So also is, "I Never Liked Him." Chat sessions often institute rules as the night progresses, creating themes, cycling through their inborn jokes, then evolving into new themes that carry their own jokes. Often, each member of the chat room will rename himself in accordance with the current joke and change it with the advent of the new one. (Board member Operation Pajama Pants was named in this manner. Board member "nOOb" similarly took his name from a chat.) Making a statement like, "And that's why [Person X] has ass cancer/is a scumbag/eats babies," when Person X enters the chat room is another rich tradition. The OO Chat javascript is also prone to freezing, which forces people to rejoin the chat alongside their former "locked out" selves. This results in phantom doubles or triples of the same member. Matt Hocking was particularly prey to getting frozen from chat and phantom cloned over and over again. Thus it is a tradition to yell at, berate and ridicule the "double" accounts of OOsters, laying outlandishly grave blame on them. (Generally, the person cloned excoriates himself. "I hate me and all me stands for!") However, as maudlin as it sounds, probably the chat room's best tradition is keeping in touch with e-friends. Doubtless some posters would have left the boards entirely without the Monday evening social appointment that the chat offered. Would Borntorun and Angstboy have become friends in real life as readily as they did, had they not been friends in chat in addition to being friends on the board? Perhaps not. The chat has served and continues to serve as an anchor that both keeps posters from drifting away from the board and also keeps them in close proximity long enough to discover bonds of real friendship. See also: Erin Anderson, ASS MACHINE, "I Never Liked Him," Operation Pajama Pants, "Raw Chatire, TopTenPro and Whiny Smark Lexicon.

Click here for a more facetious and detailed version of the first half of this entry.
Chickiesinger was probably born in 1978, is probably a Christian and probably male. What we can say for certain is that he first registered on the boards in May of 2003, and some 20+ bans later, he was still registering new accounts in late 2005, becoming far and away the most banned person in OO history never to post a picture of shit. Chickie's schtick was posting comically fake "insider news" that was usually very predictable and not the least bit funny. (Think of a toothless version of The Onion with no satire, no commentary and no gags, but with ten times as much presumption about its own hilarity.) Moreover Chickie always posted a lot of it. In his earliest incarnations, he posted six or seven mini-articles in a row, in the same thread, before OOsters came in and rightfully took a shit all over each of them. Later, he switched to posting two, three or four different threads with one or two zippy articles in each. On every occasion, the board responded with annoyance, disgust or outright aggression. Interestingly, Chickie never really engaged others' replies. Aside from asking why what he was doing could be considered bannable, mostly he posted his own enervating brand of comedy and took off immediately. Even when the Mods weren't around to ban him for several hours, he'd frequently log off from the boards just minutes after making his last post. After a few months of this "guerilla post, leave, get banned" behavior, some OOsters noticed that Chickie did the same thing on multiple boards. LuckyLopez spied Chickiesinger posting the same content on 411's message boards � to an almost identical reception � while others noticed him on KayfabeMemories and a half a dozen other boards. Eventually, Jeb posted the Chickiesinger Tribute linked at the top of this entry. Naturally, Chickie thanked him for it. Why he thought it something to be thankful for is anyone's guess. On the one hand, his grasp of what constituted comedy was thin enough that it suggested his grasp on the rest of reality was little better. Maybe he sincerely did think that someone liked him. On the other hand, his post-and-leave pattern also indicated someone who perhaps wanted attention � any attention, regardless of the quality or duration � and didn't need to stick around to debate the issue. Maybe just seeing the view count on his threads was enough, come what may.

Regardless, telling him to fuck off changed nothing. Nor did changing his posts to say that he rimmed clowns and jerked off to Gary Coleman. Probably due to boredom, the Mods switched to changing his content to Janeway Erotic Fan Fiction, Gay Vampire Erotica, a tuna skillet dinner recipe, furry erotica, girl vampire erotica (with a link to a site about the horrors of land mines in undeveloped countries), part of the UN Charter, a pamphlet on STDs, much more abusive Gay Vampire Erotica and a Humana health-plan coverage list. Finally, the Mods decided that making fun of him wasn't much fun anymore and just took to deleting all posts, logging the IP and banning the account. Because of this last tactic, Chickie seems to have registered less in the last year. Perhaps the sudden lack of attention for merely having a post there, even blanked out, was enough for him to quit. Or maybe the overall futility finally sank in. Regardless, because his recent accounts and posts have been erased, it's uncertain just how many identities he's truly posted under. On this last point, it's not unlikely that Chickiesinger was also Sup Bro. However, even without Sup Bro's identities, Chickie's record here stands at somewhere over 20 accounts. Peace out and have a nice day. See also: Shit Posters, Sup Bro, Gay Vampire Erotica and Janeway Erotic Fan Fiction.

Chimp Wars
This was a short-lived board feud restricted to half a dozen threads in the Parts Unknown forum. Chimp Wars were started when Niles Anderson started a thread, entitled the Countdown to Greatness, to hype his ascension to the 100-post club and all of the benefits that come with it (namely, getting an avatar). His thread was met with requests to augment the post requirement for getting avatars and at least one thread mocking his hype countdown. When Niles finally arrived at 100 posts, he misfired on the big surprise, presenting us with a red X avatar. Once he fixed the problem, his avatar was revealed to be a chimp holding a handgun � another misfire. Something Awful is a popular site, and the image had recently been featured on its popular Comedy Goldmine update of "great pictures." (This is not to take away from Niles' usage of the picture. It is a great picture, but the build up probably led some to expect an image of greater rarity � not something recently on the main page of one of the web's more famous comedy sites.) Having failed to live up to the hype, many commented that they preferred the red X. Still the subject of the chimp did not end there; a rival faction of chimp avatars formed. Angstboy led the way with the cigar-smoking monkey logo of his site, Daddy Monkey. Salmonjunkie joined Angstboy's cause, along with Denethor, who used an animated gif of a monkey shaking its finger downward � which gave the impression that the monkey was pointing angrily at his sig file. Together they were known as OOEvolution. The joke feud went on to encompass a bidding war for the service's of Boerboel's Karate Chimp, the introduction of a Samurai Kitty, and the eventual co-optation of the chimp with a handgun into OOEvolution. An interesting addendum is that at the end of the year, the chimp with a handgun avatar won Niles Anderson the first ever Avatar of the Year Boardie. See also: The Boardies.

Clangy Poles
See: "WWE's best build up in years..."

Closed Threads
Threads are closed for two reasons. Some threads are closed just because they are very stupid or very unnecessary. This goes for idiot troll threads, spam threads, naked shilling threads, etc. Most threads like this wind up in Parts Unknown. Duplicate threads are also commonly closed and moved to Parts Unknown. In the case of threads that duplicate another's content, the Mods will usually post a link to the original thread before closing the duplicate. Something similar was probably at work here, before users took the opportunity to join in a collective joke about perennially recycled internet memes and the blockheads who think no one has seen them before.

Other threads are closed on an activity schedule. In busy forums, all threads dormant for 30 days or more are closed. In slower forums � in which the threads on the bottom of page one are more than 30 days old � all threads from page two onward are closed. The Mods instituted scheduled thread closures for four reasons.
1. To cut off the opportunity for the occasional troll post. Let's say you had a two-month-old predictions thread in which someone said, "This match will prove that RVD can't and will never win the title." A classic troll move would be to bump the thread to the top, quote that post and say, "RVD WON THE TITLE. TELL US MORE, GENIUS."
2. When someone bumps a months-old thread to the top, most people no longer recognize it. Since most people also don't tend to read the dates on posts, reading a thread with a bunch of months-old discussion is confusing. It's also unnecessary for people to have to go back and reread dozens of old posts just to understand what the one new post is talking about.
3. New threads on an issue help to compartmentalize the discussion. Technically, we could all be posting on page 4,278 of the RAW thread, but that would be confusing as all hell. That's why there are new RAW threads all the time. New threads on an issue help us to separate the discussion into discrete periods or segments of thought about an issue. A 2002 thread about Bradshaw bears almost no resemblance to a 2005 thread about JBL.
4. More threads means a higher thread count. And while that might make your sheets softer, in the message board sense, it makes OO look more like a happenin' forum, which may make it more attractive to potential posters. See also: Use the Search Function.

Comedy Threads
Any thread that begins with a comedic pretense or begins seriously and then gets derailed, usually against the ultra-serious wishes of the thread poster. There is no universal criterion for what makes a comedy thread. Technically, the idiots who started the "WHO BEAT DEBRA" thread intended for it to be a comedy thread. And it is � combining sincere attempts at humor with the huge unintentional comedy of two Troll/Shit Posters arguing with each other behind multiple duplicate accounts. Similarly, "Philosophical Question" is an excellent example of a comedy thread that became comedic expressly against the wishes of a humorless thread poster. The comedy of that particular thread was that everyone banded together to break pretty much every posting rule possible, with zero intended quality content and tons of freeform decontextualized absurdist humor. Said absurdism broke out in response to the ostensibly absurd action of the thread poster, who outright discounted other people's arguments apparently on the basis that he didn't want to hear them. Confronted with the absurdity of banging their heads against a brick wall, philosophically speaking, posters just said screw it and tore down the wall by breaking the thread apart and saying whatever they thought was stupidly funny. (Naturally, the facetious elements of this thread have already been imitated in others, leading to new meme that might best be described as, "Post what you remember was funny from 'Philosophical Question' in a new thread." But rote imitation is still a form of flattery, and anyway, such are the wages of good threads.)

Comedy threads also result when it becomes plainly obvious that the thread poster is destined to be banned (or that the thread, no matter what good intentions might be behind it, is consigned to inanity). In that case, pretty much all rules of decorum or attempts to discuss the topic proposed go right out the window. Since the bad poster or the bad thread fundamentally cannot be taken seriously, posting behavior that would be otherwise unacceptable in a good thread is tolerated and even encouraged. Sometimes the inevitable banning of the thread poster is a kind of Hive Mentality assumption; other times a Mod simply announces the person's impending doom or outs them as a returning banned poster, then leaves OOsters the freedom to get extra restless energy or bile out of their systems. See also: Brocksucks Hive Mentality, "Is Water Over?", Shit Posters, Troll Posters and "WHO BEAT DEBRA."

A forum once found under the Site Feedback category on the forums' main page. Although intended to provide a home for discussion about other wrestling writings, it suffered long periods of dormancy usually only broken by a new board member importing inane drama from another site where he had a "feud" with a writer (or a moderator who'd banned him), or a board member airing a list of grievances about a writer (usually Scott Keith) or a column (usually one of Scott Keith's). One notable exception to this fare was the general disdain for 411Wrestling and their bizarre "Scaia Sucks!" fixation, which in turn led to 411 columnists registering to post about 411's general superiority. Because so many responses to other sites and writers appeared first in the general wrestling forum, this forum was eventually purged and its threads dispersed to existing appropriate forums. See also: Forum Purges.

ConcreteTG "Outs" Herself
A diehard fan who got into wrestling in her thirties, Concrete travels to dozens of shows per year, usually clad in character as "Nikki Heyman," the niece of Paul Heyman. Concrete posted for months at OO without any explicit or implicit comments about her sex and (obviously) without any mention of the Nikki Heyman character. Most board members assumed Concrete to be a man, an assumption she did nothing to contradict. Upon her 1,000th post, she then "outed" herself, and some people took umbrage. She has since expressed confusion at the negative response, claiming that she is as she always said she was. To a certain extent this is true: she's a hardcore wrestling fan, and she never obscured that. However, in her first 1,000 posts, she also never posted lots of awful anime art of pro-wrestlers totally unrelated to thread topics, nor did she mention that she liked to cross-dress for wrestling shows and pretend to be the wrestler-manager niece of someone on TV. Nor did she mention that she identified with or was part of a subculture that can include grown men and women spending thousands of dollars on suits that allow them to walk around pretending to be Donald Duck while also having a free rear-hole through which they can be "yiffed" to satisfaction by someone dressed as a gay-and-fabulous version of Deputy Dawg.

Given the fact that Concrete's outing evoked such strong responses from people, jokes or jabs about it naturally evoke a strong counter-response from Concrete. Most of the back-and-forth vituperation can be chalked up to misunderstanding or someone willfully misstating the case (viz. FFC hyperbolically calling Concrete "cross-dressing furry" because he knows it gets a reaction, because it isn't true). For instance, while calling Concrete a cross-dresser isn't incorrect, it isn't particularly correct either. Granted, she is a woman who dresses like a man, but only for wrestling shows and only to maintain her character's look. Her choice of dress is made on the basis of its being a "Paul Heyman costume." Basically, if Heyman wore a unisex tracksuit and baseball cap to a show, Concrete would probably wear the same. The choice of clothing pertains to affecting a Heyman persona, not an innate pleasure at wearing a sportcoat.

Similarly, the "furry" label gets thrown around, mainly in flames, but that isn't really apt either. Yes, Concrete enjoys drawing anthropomorphized animal characters; it's her style of art. (Yes, many OOsters find it weird; then again, many OOsters have fantasy sports leagues they've formed on a wrestling message board.) And yes, the furry culture initially began as a group of anthro-art enthusiasts getting together and trading their own drawings. The connection ends there. In the last decade, the fursuit/cosplay/yiffing phenomenon disgorged itself across the internet, and their practitioners are so genuinely in-your-face nauseating about their habits that images of two Disney mascots humping each other's legs is now almost the dominant internet image of the anthropomorphized art community. This unfortunate circumstance has come to bedevil Concrete, because while she doesn't partake in or know anyone interested in that kind of bullshit, it's unfortunately the first thing that comes to mind for many internet dwellers when they see a website with drawings of manimals � not Manimal � on it.]

As such, the negative backlash stemmed not from her revealing that she was a woman, but rather because she revealed that she was someone significantly different from the person she presented over 1,000 posts. While some posters simply don't like her, the bigger issue for others (and the majority of those in the backlash) is a dislike not for her, but for being lied to or for being served a bait-and-switch and then being expected to maintain the same relationship to post-outing Concrete as was earned by her pre-outing character. Consequently, Concrete's board history presents an interesting real-time exploration of the politics of personal and sexual identity. Her outing evoked strong reactions in many, and the generally unspoken but ubiquitous question was, "How can I be expected to treat someone the same as I always have when this person has effectively dealt with me as two different people?" Thus, where a person begins and ends online was inadvertently explored by those who liked pre-outing Concrete but hated manga, anything that could be related to furries, or non-Halloween costume cross-dressing. What was one flaming? Was it Concrete?�a subsection of Concrete's identity? (Moreover, "If I dislike Concrete for manga, furries, cross-dressing, etc., am I saying that people are defined solely by their interests? Is that all a character is?") Meanwhile, many board members have either indifferent or positive attitudes toward Concrete and are prone to no such navel-gazing or meta worries. All the same, her role on the board cannot be understood without addressing her large-scale character change and the reaction to it. See also: Post Count Celebrations.

"Cowboy up and eat some ass."
A zinger that Markout tossed out mid-thread, arguably the one of the funniest and most referenced one-liners in board history. See also: "Girl Safe Porn."

A drunken email brainstorm sent to Rick in late 2002 led Jeb to create "Crashing the Boards" (or "CtB"), wherein he compiled the "best" of the forums' exchanges for a weekly column on a range of wrestling subjects. In an attempt to streamline and consolidate more long-form essay-ish comments suitable for quick-stop compilation for CtB, the CRASHING THE BOARDS forum was created in the Site Feedback category, on the main forums page, below COMMENTS ABOUT ONLINE ONSLAUGHT and COMMENTS ABOUT OTHER SITES/WRITERS. Later the CtB forum moved to second place, under the WRESTLING forum. Prominent placement did little to solve compilation problems, though. Jeb still took CtB column material from a variety of sources; meanwhile CtB forum posts often presented thoughtful long-form takes on wrestling issues, but many of those takes echoed previous CtB entries or trod familiar wrestling-column ground. Despite excellent commentary from board members � most notably Madiq � Jeb's general burnout encompassed whatever remaining zest he had for CtB. The forum alternately shimmered and stagnated, usually in accordance with developments in wrestling. During downtimes, the most provocative discussions addressed the stagnation of the forum and how best to exploit its resources. It later saw a renaissance during Borntorun's "Around the hOOrn" game (which also saw the creation of an exclusive sub-forum for competitors), but stagnation set in again. The three biggest factors working against the forum were: (1) the dearth of main-page CtB columns; (2) the much higher traffic of the WRESTLING forum, which led people to initially share their insights in a more visible forum; (3) the more essayish format of CtB posts, which while thoughtful and comprehensive, didn't offer the bite-sized easier-to-contradict opinion that is more attractive to your average message-board denizen. CtB's threads were eventually merged into the TRIVIA/GAMES forum or other appropriate forums. See also: Around the hOOrn, Forum Purges, Gay Wrestler CTB, JTL Fan Forum and TRIVIA/GAMES.

A fictional painting from an Onion article entitled, "Non-Controversial Christ Painting Under Fire From Art Community", "Crucifuckwad" was an exemplar of how one should depict Christ: i.e. as offensively as possible. Jeb posted "Crucifuckwad" [note: probably NSFW for the image of a dinosaur trying to bite off the erect penis of the Son of God] in several board religious debates whenever they became demonstrably contentious or unpleasant. The picture is, at heart, a visual depiction of both Godwin's Law and almost any variation of Godwin's Law, if for nothing more than the fact that Hitler is depicted as presiding over the Christly cock-biting. Jeb's use of the picture became frequent enough that Kyle Maxwell posted a link to the article, which Laner then mistook to be serious. See also: Godwin's Law and OO Kyle.

The Curling Thread
The Curling Thread started out as a thread for discussing this winter sport and ended up becoming one of the most polarizing threads in OO Forums history, largely as a result of some of the actions of the thread's author. There have been three curling threads in the history of the OO Forums. The original curling thread had the distinction of becoming, amazingly, the then-largest thread in the sports forum but was later lost in the Great Board Wipe. Slade, a self-professed curling fanatic, started a new curling thread in November 2003. It, too, became one of the largest threads in the sports forum; however its activity was partly due to Slade's periodic trolling of the thread � quadruple posting, quintuple posting and triple-posting numerous times � to bump it to the top and keep it from being locked over the summer. As a result, the thread spanned two curling seasons. The thread only had four regular posters, all of whom were Canadian, as apparently nobody else in the world understands or cares about the game (except for the Scandinavians, the occasional American, and Beatles enthusiasts who watched Help! too many times). Slade's trolling of the thread and lobbying for it to be nominated for a Best Thread Boardie in 2004 brought the thread and Slade, himself, much negative attention. Operation Retard started a popular "Vote No on The Curling Thread" avatar campaign. The avatar was adopted by nearly a dozen forum members. For those who identify posters by their avatars and not by their names, this adoption had the unintended effect of making certain threads look like one person having a 22-part conversation with himself. Interestingly, the anti-Curling-Thread avatars created a backlash against the ubiquity of the avatar and thus pushed some people toward The Curling Thread, if only out of spite. Nevertheless, the thread was soundly defeated in the awards competition and was allowed to disappear and become locked at the end of the 2004-2005 curling season. A new curling thread was created at the start of the 2005-2006 season, but it received little attention, perhaps because some posters felt it would become no more than Slade's personal platform on which to self-aggrandize. In fairness, though, lack of interest still owed more to the very limited number of curling enthusiasts on the board. Unlike the last curling thread, Slade did not bump it, allowing it to wilt away as it became clear that other forum members were disinterested in discussing curling in general. See Also: Boardies, Double Posting and Great Board Wipe.

Until 2005, the name of two forums on the OO boards. CURRENT EVENTS #1 was the top thread on the forums, dealing with the latest news in the wrestling world. Its name was often abbreviated to "Wrestling," by members, a fact that led to its later being renamed CURRENT WRESTLING. The other CURRENT EVENTS was the top thread in the Other Stuff section of the board, this one dealing with the world of global news and current events. It was commonly referred to as CE, a name that has stuck despite its being changed in 2005 to "NEWS." See also: CE.

Custom Status
The only official rules about custom statuses are these: (1) all main-page contributors can have them if they want them; and (2) the Mods are never going to give them to the whole board, because dealing with the demands of 200+ people would be an enormous pain in the ass. The unofficial rules are much more fluid. The exceptionally stupid almost always get a pejorative status related to their unique brand of dumb. Someone who's just banned for being a headache may not get one, since said headache might not be significantly bad to warrant remembering. Also, posters who have repeated problems not significant enough to merit a banning may merit a critical custom status. On the positive side of things, the Mods hand out custom statuses for a myriad of reasons: for winning a trivia game, to cheer someone up (e.g. Attitude Adjuster got a custom status after having his house burgled), to acknowledge a great post or a great thread, or just because they like someone. (The Mods have also been known to change people's status to tweak posters on other posters' behalf, such as when OO Kyle and Operation Retard both received joke statuses in relation to an argument they were having.) As far as board culture goes, most custom statuses mean absolutely nothing in terms of day to day posting. But, as Stewieisgood once sagely pointed out to Parvini, generally those with unflattering custom statuses will never win an argument with those who have flattering custom statuses � especially if what they're arguing about is the source of the unflattering status. See also: Parvini.

The one-time post leader of OO in its very early days, Cuthbert returned to the board in April 2005 ostensibly with the goal of being banned within 24 hours. His posts were trollish in the extreme, stating opinion as fact and dismissing others' comments out of hand. When he compared a wrestling match to the Holocaust, ModPrime told him to tone down his dickishness or face another three-year posting sabbatical. Cuthbert replied, "Fuck off, 'ModSquad'," which was dumb dumb dumb and also seemed to indicate that he thought ModSquad's name was questionable in some way. But he seemed okay with dumb, preferring to be banned by "an overzealous nobody" than to be "strongarmed into not being [himself]." Apparently, in real life, Cuthbert's a miserable cocksucker, and to his own self he was true. OOsters jumped in to concur with that fact. After whining about "a gross abuse of power," Cuthbert was banned in an even grosser display of power. Interesting note: Cuthbert was "29 and gainfully employed at a job that probably makes more than you (not that this is relevant)." Despite its irrelevancy, he pointed it out at the first chance he got. Whatta guy!


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I'm a gigantic brain!

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Registered 8-6-2006
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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:42 PM Edit Post

Direct-Linking to Posts
The easiest way to direct-link to a post is to plug information into a template.

Here's a template for a post on page one of a thread:;=#pid54150

Here's a template for a post on a third (or any later) page of a thread:;=3#pid85287

Now, find the post to which you want to directly link. Click the EDIT button for that post. (You won't actually be able to edit the post unless it's yours, but it will load in a new window.) Now look at the address bar in your browser: it has all the information you need. Find the PID and TID numbers and plug them into the relevant templates. If you want to link to a post on the first page of a thread, the first template is for you. If you want to link to a post on the second (or further) page of a thread, plug the TID and PID numbers into the second template address, then plug the PAGE number into it as well. Remember, you're plugging these numbers into the template address, not the edit address that you get when clicking on EDIT POST. Copy your doctored template post, paste it into a new window or new tab's address bar, and load it. It should work just fine. If it doesn't, check your numbers and try again. If you've done everything correctly, and things still won't work: it's still probably your fault, but there is a chance that the board is just being finicky. Sometimes direct links simply don't work, for no good reason at all. If you're having troubles, contact the Mods to see if they can help.

In November 2004, on the heels of acrimonious World Series posts in "The 'Fuck' List," Tarheelmike dropped a bomb on the boards: his wife was cheating on him.. As we later learned about Mike, he was a hardworking, supportive husband and father. From this atmosphere of hard work and support, his wife was stepping out with � no, not a flashy lawyer, a rich businessman or a diamond broker who lived in a diamond cave and wore suits sprinkled with diamond dust and who kept the skull of Dustin Diamond in a small diamond safe in his diamond wall � she was sleeping with a dishwasher. Initial posts were supportive and advisory: Eli told Mike he could come to New Orleans to blow off some steam, and Jeb urged Mike to never lose his temper about the situation, as child custody laws are already so unfair to men that the slightest outburst could jeopardize his chances of gaining custody of his daughter. As one can well imagine, it was a raw and horrible situation for Mike, and some married posters and posters who'd been on the wrong side of infidelity reacted viscerally. Since he was unable to vent at home and had a receptive audience here, Mike used OO as a forum for venting, compassion and countless dishwasher jokes. And vent he did. A lot. He had every right to. As the jokes ably pointed out, there was something both galling and pitiable about a woman sacrificing her domestic stability and her husband and daughter's happiness in order to be with someone who, in over twenty years on planet earth, had only managed to accrue enough skills to work in a field generally populated exclusively by non-English-speaking illegal immigrants who have no choice but to spend eight hours a day slow-simmering their arms in detergent and unmasticated bits of scampi.

However, after a few months, dishwasher jokes cropped up in posts and threads that couldn't possibly relate to marital issues. Somehow � and it's not clear why � "dishwasher" even began being applied to Randy Orton. At this point, some OOsters started to balk. Despite the fact that the vast majority of active board members liked and sympathized with Mike (and were willing to go to lengths to distract him and make him laugh), the inescapable fact was that Mike's confession transcended the boundaries of "too much information" and pretty much defined "uncomfortable intimacy" for a message board. Not to say that, at heart, this was necessarily a bad thing. Without this horrible incident, many OOsters probably wouldn't have gotten to know Mike as well as they did, and surely many of them are thankful that they got to know him as closely as they did because of his worries. But while everyone was willing to sympathize and offer advice at the outset, that didn't mean that everyone was also willing to become involved in an unfolding and deeply personal drama over the course of months. Unfortunately, the intrusion of dishwasher jokes in unrelated threads had the unintended effect of keeping everyone continually updated and involved in the matter, even if some of them wished to sidestep or avoid the subject and just post about frivolous stuff. In addition, Mike took to pasting darkly personal and vituperative exchanges, with his wife, in his sig file. Thus the first evidence of poster backlash probably was Borntorun's copying these exchanges, parodically altering them to something utterly flippant and pasting them in his sig file. Eventually, some veteran posters and the Mods either U2U'd Mike or posted to ask him to please cut down on the number of dishwasher posts and comments related to marital infidelity. Mike was perhaps unaware that others had gotten as emotionally involved in his story as they had � and he was doubtless unaware that he'd been working "dishwashers" into any post that could withstand the analogy � but he was quick to stop as soon as posters broached the subject. Since early 2005, Mike's wife and "dishwashers" have made scant reappearances as topics on the board. Mike's wife has gone on to the sort of glittering success that one would expect of someone who throws most of her life away for a minimum-wage slave. Mike sued for divorce and won full custody of his daughter and has since returned to college. See also: "The 'Fuck' List."

Formerly "Singled Out (Divas)," this is a forum designed for discussion of the many women in wrestling. While said discussion does occur, it's largely a home for threads chock-full of linked images of nearly nude women, in response to which posters say, "I'd hit it," or variations on a similar theme. See also: SINGLED OUT.

DMMSuperstarsalazar belongs in the pantheon of Troll Posters alongside Chickiesinger, Bud Ellock and Chucko, not for being banned multiple times from OO � which he was � but for being banned in the double digits from countless other message boards. According to Wrestleline webmaster Denny Burkholder, he was banned from the "new" Wrestleline's message boards three times, despite one of their board admins being a personal friend of his. Worse, says Burkholder, said admin admitted that DMM had been banned multiple times from at least a half a dozen other boards. In other words: he's a prince. His first OO banning, as Damegaman, came during the Great Board Wipe, so no details remain. His second, however, came in the midst of the classic Parvini thread, "Faces and Heels." But he will be remembered for his thread derail that got split off to Parts Unknown, where everyone could discuss how big of a drunk he was. In it, he said, "I am a newbie I should learn my place," despite knowing full well that he'd already been banned from here and most certainly didn't qualify as a newbie. Then he went on to say that he was an "ex Marine, been sent to rehab twice, and had alcohol [poisoning] 4 times in [his] life.... It ruined [his] life but hey at least [he] can say [he] can outdrink anybody under the table." The thread is worth it for Folby's page-two post alone. DMM was later banned again under a name that has been lost, and he currently has an unbanned account, although that may change at any time. If he's sober enough to even find it. See also: Troll Posters.

Double Posting
Formerly permitted, double posting is now verboten as part of an anti-spam, anti-troll and anti-attention-whore policy. For the first 17 months of the OO board's existence, the edit function was disabled, requiring posters who wanted to clarify or add to a post to double or triple post just to correct tiny errors. Even after the software update and the inception of the edit option, double or triple posting was so ingrained in some posters that they forgot about the edit option entirely. Initially, the Mods didn't do anything about double posts, short of making a comment here or there, because the whole "getting flooded with shit" aspect of the boards seemed a higher priority. The anti-spam aspect of "no double posts" is fairly simple. Sometimes new posters race to get 100 posts and an avatar, with a lot of double-posting resulting from the aim of jacking up their count. The anti-troll aspect is sort of a subset of the anti-spam aspect. In this case, someone is spamming the same thread with post after post, but often the posts are inflammatory replies to others. One trolling post alone might be blown off as an idle crank opinion, but by repeatedly bumping the thread to the top with post after post of replies, the poster guarantees himself attention and a reply, either by demanding that others engage the text or by provoking others to lose patience. The best example of this is Brocksucks, who posted over 30 times in the same thread. The final reason for "don't double post!" is the least common: to cut down on attention-whoredom. The biggest example of this � and one of the reasons for the rule � is Slade's Curling Thread, in which he quintuple posted, quadruple posted, triple posted three times, double posted after a month of inactivity a couple of times, and posted 84 of the 205 total posts. Slade later admitted that he was deliberately bumping it to get attention and keep it from getting closed. The Mod rationale against double posting to get attention is, basically: if a thread is important enough that other people have to read it, other people will find it on their own, read it and reply to it for you � because it actually is important. Whereas, if a poster has to keep bumping a thread to keep it alive or to get people to read what they edited into a last post, it's probably just a thread that isn't very important to other people. Opinions on topics vary; not all threads are created equal, and sometimes a thread is meant to be forgotten faster than others. See also: Curling Thread, Shit Posters.

Dr. Pivo
One of the funniest NEWS posters from the pre-Mod era, Dr. Pivo was like a one-man While he may well have been getting his newsbites from FARK, what distinguished him from the average cut-and-paster of "wacky news" was that he had an excellent sense of humor and could trade zingers with the best of them. The good Dr. also kept up a running commentary on the awfulness of his wife and his job. His job, incidentally, involved working with lots of extremely long county-meeting documents. These were extremely helpful during attacks by Shit Posters, when pictures of shit would get posted in existing discussions. The Dr. would then copy and paste a huge county document into a post. The post would then be so long that anyone clicking on the "go to last post" tab on a forum or thread would be able to go to the end of the last post in the forum/thread without any chance of seeing the offending picture. He also pasted long documents into giant boring posts as part of Jeb's war on thread derailments from Troll Posters. Jeb's theory was that if you could break up a stupid flame war with long boring posts that made the thread difficult to read, trolls and flamemeisters would simply give up and walk away. The Dr. agreed, and it was interesting to see what content he would come up with. The experiment had mixed results, but it was cut short by the creation of the Mods, who made it irrelevant. The Doc disappeared sometime after the Mods' arrival. He was not a bad poster in disguise, caught by an IP ban; rather, he probably got tired of the board drama and walked away. (Even though he had a sense of humor about the poop attacks.) When he left, most of the levity in the CE forum left with him, and the onus for providing most of the content in it fell to Krydor and Ultra Magnus, whose enduring conflict eventually dominated the character of the forum. See also: CE, Krydor Style, Mod History, Shit Posters, Troll Posters and Ultra Magnus.

Drunknow made his ill-fated debut with his column, "The Scott Keith Rant Rant," a venom-laced whine about Scott Keith's latest RAW Recap that sought to prove the bankruptcy of the "some guy ranting away" wrestling writer formula by having "some other guy" rant away at him... then get pissed off that all he did was "rant." (From an intellectual standpoint, it made about as much sense as some guy trying to show America how awful regular soda consumption is by chugging and projectile vomiting Dr. Thunder in front of a Coca Cola office � then suing Coca Cola for giving him a sore throat.) While a dislike for Scott Keith's style of writing and opinions was shared by many members of the OO community, Drunknow's rant provided a line-by-line effort to match each thing Keith had written with an even more obnoxious and poorly written criticism. In fact, Drunknow's unclear and disjointed formatting and quoting style made it almost impossible to discern his writings from those he was mocking. In order to expose Keith's shortcomings, Drunknow unwittingly adopted all of them in an even less palatable form. In the end, it proved an unreadable, lengthy and hypocritical attack on a writer who no longer had a presence at OO. Response was immediately negative and Drunknow (to his credit) responded with a degree of regret and made clear that he was simply looking for like minded haters of Keith's "Rants." OO response was largely forgiving, and posters Lorraine and Doublee offered advice as to what Drunknow had done wrong and what he could do to better fit in, in the future. One post by Jeb particularly took the time to detail the reasons why the initial post had been received so poorly, but it was probably too critical and mean-spirited to make the advice easy to take. (It probably contributed in no small way to Drunknow's later bile regarding OO.) Drunknow made one effort to rebut some of Jeb's criticisms, but he either perceived the effort as futile or took others' advice to move on to new topics and dropped the subject.

Drunknow had a brief brush with the Mods soon after, when he foolishly or unknowingly spoke against the flaming of Clint Johnson. (Either he was trolling other board members � given his later posts, it's a possibility � or he simply was unaware that Clint was the return of notorious troll Bud Ellock) The details of his comments are lost to edits, which suggests they were bad enough that the Mods felt they should be wiped out. To his credit, Drunknow offered a half apology for offending the Mods but used the other half of his post to critique posters yet again. For the most part Drunknow appeared to hold no grudges or give OOsters reason to take umbrage with him as he slowly integrated himself into the general OO community. He was the first pOOster to welcome Borntorun to the boards and may have in fact been BTR's first fan. For the next two months, Drunknow's greatest sins were bad fantasy booking and starting threads in the wrong forums, hardly things that separated him from scores of established posters. Then for the second time in his short OO stay, Drunknow chose to defend a poster on the brink of banning. This time it was Portalesman in "David Von Erich and the NWA World Title," a thread that proved to be the end for both posters. Portalesman was in the middle of ending his OO stay with a flame war with Bonestein and 2Hot when Drunknow arrived to declare that "10,000% of message board posters on OnlineOnslaught are fucking retards." Whether he was simply living up to his name at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night or letting go with two months of frustration regarding his harsh arrival is up to interpretation. Either way, Drunknow instantly tossed aside any goodwill he had built up. After accusing 2Hot of homosexuality, he was spared the same fate as Portalesman and was instead encouraged by ModPrime to leave OO if he was so unhappy here. Drunknow did just that � at least until he decided to reemerge six months later. Prime took immediate umbrage with Drunknow's return (as well as a since-deleted massively offensive signature) and banned him. Thus ended Drunknow's curious OO stay which began and ended with foot-in-mouth disease. See also: Bud Ellock and Portalesman.


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I'm a gigantic brain!

Posts 100
Registered 8-6-2006
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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:42 PM Edit Post

Editing Ex Post Facto
From the Latin for, "From a thing done afterward," ex post facto refers to doing something to retroactively alter the consequences of actions already committed. This is not the place for an examination of the legal consequences of this. For our purposes, "editing ex post facto" refers to when a poster doesn't like the replies he gets to his post or thread and thus changes the content of the original post or thread in order to make all subsequent replies (and those who posted them) seem ridiculous. For example, a guy posts a thread in which he asks whether people prefer Audioslave or System of a Down. The first reply is, "Neither, you dumbass. A REAL man picks Led Zeppelin." A flame war then ensues in which most people side with the respondent. With no way to win the argument on his own merits, the original poster edits his post to read, "Which band would you let fuck you in the ass? N'Sync or NKOTB?" Thus the first post, "Neither... a REAL man picks Led Zeppelin," makes it seem as if the respondent wants to be sodomized by Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and the corpse of John Bonham... or maybe his son Jason. (Either way, you have to have a stick-man in there.) The two most famous practitioners of this tactic were Mcian and Portalesman. Editing your post ex post facto results in an automatic ban, unless done in a Comedy Thread. Only the Mods are allowed to get away with it, and most of the time, they do it to try to make a doomed thread amusing. See also: Comedy Threads, Mcian and Portalesman.

Elbato997 was truly a very special kind of poster, in more ways than one. He was special in the sense that:
    � He was eminently bannable, based on today's moderating standards.
    � He was not only one of the first banned under the Stupid Clause, he also managed to justify its existence for perhaps a decade, just based on a scant number of posts that earned him the custom status "Pioneering Stupid."
    � His ineptitude was nearly unmatched.
    � He was more oblivious to the fact that he was blatantly being made fun of than perhaps anyone in board history has been or ever will be.
    � And despite all of these things � or maybe because of them � he was an endearing character who found a place in the hearts of many members of the OO community and who will not soon be forgotten.
You may ask yourself why that is. The best way of answering that question is probably by pointing out that there was far too much fun to be had laughing at his posts and threads � whether at him, or out of a kind of genial bewilderment that someone could so totally fail to get it. Because as sincerely awful as many of those posts were, Elbato didn't seem to evince any malicious intent. In many ways, he epitomized an e-version of the guy everyone knows in middle school or the early years of high school who so completely incompetently tries too hard. To truly gain an appreciation of Elbato, one only has to spend a day looking through his complete posting history, including those as "Screw Flanders."

Elbato997 joined the OO Forums on July 21, 2003. He was a Simpsons fan � evident from his choice of user name (Elbato is a misspelling of Bart Simpsons' alias as the graffiti artist "El Barto") and his appeal to other OO members to search the internet to find information about The Simpsons' Hit and Run video game. His Simpsons interest was an inauspicious but retrospectively perfect introduction: not only had he fucked up his user name, but he'd managed to indicate to a message board composed of dimness-intolerant posters that he didn't know how to search the internet for video-game information himself. But those details came later. It was his first post that signaled that a truly extraordinary individual had just joined OO. He bizarrely managed to screw up the quote tags in the process of misinterpreting an existing discussion. He followed this up with a second post that is a perfect example of a standard Elbato post: it showcases his uncanny ability to write something extremely off-base in less than thirty words. Another good example of his missing the mark (and a joke) came shortly thereafter in a thread in which Slade proclaimed that the latest edition of RAW, which happened to be a particularly weak episode, was the BEST RAW EVER! on account of the fact that it debuted a new M�torhead theme song. The first few people agreed, but Elbato, missing the joke, disagreed in a post he titled "Asif." In another thread, ModPrime made fun of him for welcoming a new poster to the forums. Elbato replied that he was "only being polite to the newbies," even though he had only joined the forums three days earlier (but already had 67 posts by then). And in one of his first original threads, he posted a possible spoiler for an upcoming edition of RAW that he most likely read from but claimed to have "overheard." The thread ended up being three pages long and consisted largely of Elbato having a conversation with himself about storyline rumors and what matches he wanted to see at SummerSlam, while nearly everyone else directed insults toward him. What is most outstanding is that all of these things happened in less than a week.

Perhaps Elbato wasn't banned after his first week because he slowed down his posting activity in the following month and somehow managed to refrain from writing anything egregiously stupid. However, it didn't take long for him to remind others that his brain � or at least his vision of what is common message board interaction � was just "different." He decided to introduce OO to a role-playing game in which the main objective (insofar as anyone can discern) was to win the WWE Hardcore Championship belt simply by being the next person to post in the thread. Here it's possible to imagine that Elbato wasn't solely a dummy and that he was instead importing some expectations for message board conduct that were wildly different from the average OOster's. There are indeed message boards where people will post hundreds of times to become the new "champion" merely by replying to a thread, or where they will jack up their post count by starting threads like, "Let's all tell a story by posting one word." These threads, of course, suck. So it's easy to condemn Elbato for having poor taste. On the other hand, it's also easy to think him a little silly for wanting to jack up his post count by starting empty threads for that purpose. (And it's hard to see what other purpose someone who racked up 67 posts in three days could be going for.) But if he need be condemned for anything, it should probably be for the fact that spending even an hour at OO would have told him that this is a message board that generally doesn't go in for that kind of shit. Elbato didn't suck because he posted sucky posts and sucky threads: he sucked because he never read a single thread or post surrounding them, any one of which might have indicated that his concept of posting was shared by almost no one.

Going into further detail would just be cataloging stupidity, but a few threads stand out, such as, "Who Would Make A Bad World Title Holder?" Reading the thread now, years later, the first post makes absolutely no sense. ModPrime edited out Elbato's dumb first post, but Elbato kept editing the dumb back in � whereupon Prime would edit it out, and Elbato would edit it back in. Repeat. Despite the editing shenanigans, the rest of the thread manages to be excellently clever, with OOsters improvising on a theme of [Edited by]. Then Elbato started this thread, this thread and this thread, which was also his last. (It would be worth it to describe the threads as something other than "this thread" if it were possible to encapsulate the ineffability that lay between what Elbato tried to make a thread become and what OOsters independently made it.) The last includes an awesome flame from ModPrime and, later, his announcement that Elbato was being banned, followed by a schadenfreude-laced appeal from FusionFistCutter for Elbato's reinstatement.

After his banning, Elbato waited a month before returning to the boards, this time as Screw Flanders. His first few posts were rather harmless and void of any sign that Screw Flanders was an unintelligent life form; that is, until he started "This Thread Will Probably End Someday�" Within three days of returning to the boards, he was outed here by Slade and here by ArmyofOne. However, he was given a second chance by the Mods and managed to improve his posting behavior enough to avoid being banned for a second time. Granted, his general level of intelligence and posting style hadn't changed much. One suspects he may have started writing his posts in Word before adding them to threads, because they did not mangle the English language nearly as much, and there were 90% fewer [Edited by Screw Flanders] tags in his two-sentence posts than there were [Edited by Elbato997] tags in Elbato's. Moreover, he stopped being flamed because he posted less frequently, abstained from starting the types of dumb threads that would have been expected of Elbato and, in fact, started one of the most popular threads in forum history, "Interview the Person Below You." He took a five-month hiatus from the boards and returned to make another stellar contribution to the forums in the Create A Wrestling DVD That You Would Not Buy thread. (Note: everything that was wonderful about this thread was something that he had no part in. It was later immortalized on the main page.) Not long thereafter, he slipped up and reverted to his old "dumb idea" ways by starting a thread in which he challenged others to name a match for him to rate. Because of the futility of the exercise, GimmickMan suggested he rename the thread to something that more accurately described what the thread was really about. The thread was closed to keep the Hive Mentality from breaking out and, possibly, to spare Elbato from descending further into bannable-offense territory. However, the Mods couldn't prevent Angstboy from starting one of the best Comedy Threads to date: "Randomly Mention Something, And I'll Comment On It To Make Myself Feel Important, But Only If I Know What It Is." Angstboy savagely satirized Elbato, so well in fact that Elbato posted eight times in the thread, without recognizing that it was meant to make fun of him � until ModPrime told him he was stupid and explained the ridicule aspect. That post appeared to be enough of an insult and embarrassment to drive him away from the forums forever. He will be remembered by some as one of the dumbest people to ever grace the presence of the OO Forums; as someone who contributed two popular and entertaining threads, even if by chance; and as a lovable moron � not in spite of everything, but just because. See also: Comedy Threads, Hive Mentality, "Interview the Person Below You" and Stupid Clause.

Eoghann Irving began posting in the early days of the forums and inspires mixed feelings in those who interacted with him. Many remember him as a bright, incisive contributor to the forums and occasionally the main page. But it's impossible to separate that persona from the paternalistic, condescending attitude he took towards many of those who called him friend � and that eventually led to his (in)voluntary resignation from posting.

Eoghann (pronounced "Yew-ann," like Ewan MacGregor) was an older Scottish man recently emigrated to the East coast of the U.S. and a devout science fiction fan. The latter fact was made clear in his avatar: an outsized caricature of him with Vulcan ears. As the forums began to weed out the initial chaff and intelligent debate began to develop into its initial "golden age," Eoghann could be found in many a provocative discussion. In the context of these discussions, he was very considerate and respectful, never failing to concede a point or compliment a well-made argument. He was also a regular in the Chat Room on Monday nights, engaging in weekly banter with many still-well-known posters. This led to his frequent inclusion in Crashing the Boards and his own featured piece. Finally, one night in chat saw Eoghann and Markout (who had not yet degenerated into a total wise-ass) entering into a discussion about whether a wrestler could be an effective face with a manager. Rather than hashing it out in chat, Jeb encouraged them to create a collaborative piece known as "Point/Counterpoint" for the main page. Several readers, writers, and even Rick himself liked the result and encouraged them to write more. The pair wrote two more pieces before Eoghann broke off e-mail contact with Markout, who to this day has never received an explanation why. "Point/Counterpoint" was no more.

At the same time, Eoghann was getting more and more frustrated with the collective voice that the forums began to display. He was never a fan of what he perceived as "cliques," and he spoke out against the developing Hive Mentality whenever he had the chance. This wasn't a new development. (One of his first interactions on the boards was a one-sided flame war with Bonestein, in which Eoghann defended his opinions while Bonestein repeatedly called him "pipe-chugger" and warned him that he didn't want to "get into a flame war with [Bonestein]" � despite the fact that said flame war would probably just result in being called "pipe-chugger" more.) However, as eloquent and polite as Eoghann was in his wrestling debates, he was completely unable (or unwilling) to exercise the same restraint in his criticism of posters he found to be excessively rude and boorish, especially toward new posters. Nor did he seem to tolerate calling wrestling shows "bad" � twisting himself into Gordian knots of counter-rationalization in which a show could be admittedly objectively bad, but still good because he enjoyed them � even the things that were bad � which he enjoyed despite their being basically bad. He never adequately explained this, and as yet, no one has riddled out his stance or had any reason to want to.

In Jeb, he found what he thought to be the most grievous offender, someone too negative about both RAW and posters. Any time the regulars (who at this point were justifiably somewhat xenophobic after Bud Ellock, Ryan O Reilly and the Shit Posters had run rampant across the boards) jumped on a new poster who exhibited serious troll-like qualities, Eoghann quickly dropped a rude comment that implicitly pooh-poohed everyone and told them what terrible people they were. Then he lamented his inability to find a better board at which to post before retreating to his ivory tower. Toward the end, his sole commentary on board interactions consisted of denigrating other posters for denigrating other posters � evidently without any sense of irony registering with him at all. Finally, as TopTenPro descended on the forums for ostensibly his first (actually his third) time, the "hive" swarmed round TTP's terrible thread, and Eoghann predictably interjected. At this point, many regulars who had respected Eoghann and enjoyed his company decided that they'd had enough of his attitude and began to fire back. Jeb and Eoghann's former writing partner Markout exhorted him to either give up his hortatory crusade against the rapidly developing hive mentality or get the fuck out. As it was clear that the vocal majority of the posters had little to no problem with the mentality that was developing (Jeb pointed this out in fact) and that Eoghann was neither interested in letting the issue go nor even debating it civilly, he went quietly into the night. General opinion ran that people missed him, but not that much.

Eoghann was an early protester against the hive mentality that came to dominate the forums, though by no means the only one. He was even somewhat prophetic, as many of the posters that ran him off later came to admit the existence of the problem, and some even began to lament it. While Eoghann might have been more visionary in his condemnations of OOsters' behavior, his vision was damningly ironically farsighted: like a curse from a high Greek tragedy, he could see the distant future but nothing of the next day and nothing of himself. While the intolerant assholes who exemplified the condescending OO Hive Mentality later came to see its shortcomings � and some now seek to modulate their behavior � Eoghann saw it from far away, without ever noticing that the only way he managed to tell anyone about it was by being a completely supercilious, intolerable asshole. See also: Bud Ellock, Chat Room History, Hive Mentality, Ryan O Reily, Shit Posters and TTP.

Error: cannot open xmb_threads.MYT
The error message displayed as a result of the error that caused the Great Board Wipe and the Minor Board wipes. This message appeared on a blank white screen whenever you attempted to access the OO message boards. Ultimately, its repeat appearances led to Rick's updating the board software. Rick honored this error with a Boardie Award in January of 2004. See also: The Boardies, Great Board Wipe, Jacked-Up Post Count, Minor Board Wipes and Software Update.

"EVER!!!" first appeared as a catchphrase in Canadian Bulldog's Inside The Ropes column in April 2004. The running gag is that Bulldog finishes a run-on paragraph with the sentence "...and it was the best/biggest/worst storyline ever!" followed by "EVER!!!" in a stand-alone paragraph. Bulldog eventually developed a T-Shirt bearing the catchphrase in late-2004. The phrase made its way onto the boards by GimmickMan in the thread "Baby Names And Pop Culture." It has been used numerous times since (often by Bulldog), also in its misspelled form of "EVAR!"

Everyone Hates Bulldog
Canadian Bulldog was beloved from the moment he reached OO. Actually, no, he wasn't. CRZ, a longtime columnist and associate of Rick Scaia's, used to feature a guest column section on his message board. It was there that Jeb first read Bulldog's columns. Having brought over Matt Hocking from CRZ's board to OO's main page, Jeb felt Bulldog would be a natural addition, too. (CRZ had encouraged Rick to poach from his stable of board contributors. But Rick is basically a lazy man, so Jeb handled the scouting, the PMs and emails and arranged the audiences with His Rickness.) Unfortunately, OOsters didn't immediately agree with Jeb's favorable appraisal, and Bulldog's first column received almost universal loathing and disdain. Some posters considered it so awful that it could only have been Rick playing a drunken practical joke on all his readers. The early negative reception and the degree to which the negative comments snowballed point up an intrinsic failure of the OO Hive Mentality. Posters began reading his column with certain preconceptions that caused them to immediately reject it and him. Rather than give him another shot, they seemed willing, almost impatient, to dismiss him immediately and completely. It was as if keeping Bulldog around and listening to him might horridly result in an increase of forbearance and understanding, which it ultimately did.

Jeb and Rick persevered in defending Bulldog, and Bulldog wisely didn't try to bait his critics or reply snarkily or officiously, as Kyle Maxwell and Lee Filas had done before him. Instead, he bided his time and kept his own counsel, and soon the spirit of Bulldogness � the earnestly ignorant glee of his columns � took root at OO. Of course, the fact that Bulldog likes making spastic jokes at his own expense certainly accelerated the process of OOsters giving him a break. It was easier for critics to bite their tongues after thinking of a nasty comment when Bulldog was happy to make himself look like an idiot for them. More to the point, Bulldog's goofing on himself told OOsters that, while they might not like his work, he was happy to try to get them to like him anyway, a gesture that probably went a long way with people accustomed to columnists who, under fire, tended to dismiss anyone without a column. Today, he's a beloved poster and columnist, and it would not be a stretch to say that most of the posters in the linked thread above have completely reversed their attitudes toward him; nor would it be a stretch to say that most of them probably love the guy. See also: Hive Mentality, OO Kyle and OOLee.

Evil Wizard, The
See: George Banks.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:42 PM Edit Post

A fictional facial variation of the Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, coined by Jeb in the "Lund Annex" of the WrestleMania 21 preview. Sick of writing match previews, Jeb enlisted Cory "Borntorun" Harris to chat about the pay-per-view and help him fill out the preview details. The Face AIDS comment came in response to Harris's stated desire to have an Asian woman wrestler "mist all over [his] face." It has since been used as a recall joke, usually in the context of, "I wish you'd get Face AIDS," or similar unserious comments in comedy threads. Variations on Face AIDS include "Ass Cancer" (of unknown origin) and "Ass Polio." See also: Comedy Threads.

"Face vs. Face, the way to go?"
Another legendarily bad thread, "Face vs. Face" is the origin of almost all Parvini loathing and most loathing of the "poster from one nation assumes (despite a total want of knowledge) that posters in this other nation must do/think Concept X or Activity Y" phenomenon. Parvini suggested that we "totally revolutionize" the dynamic of wrestling matches and "think outside the box" to create a complete Face v. Face atmosphere. (He'd apparently not heard of ROH.) He cited a few matches that he considered Face v. Face, but most of those were vehemently dismissed as part of a Face/Heel dynamic by Bigfatgoalie (and many were later more calmly ruled out by Promoter2003). BFG's post was unnecessarily abusive at one point, but it was still perfectly apposite: claiming Parvini was citing matches that � taken on their own, in a vacuum � might appear pure Face/Face but contextually existed within a Face/Heel storyline progression. Parvini also suggested that Face/Face could succeed in wrestling because it succeeds in "real sports," where there were, according to him, no such things as faces and heels. OOsters then rigorously countered this, with examples from baseball and American football, as well as English football. These points held no sway for Parvini, who insisted that � though he acknowledged he knew nothing about American sports � what everyone from America was saying must be untrue and that English posters misunderstood him. In fact, the only person who understood him was Masterofpigeons who "sort of understood" him. High praise indeed for an ally.

After this much grief, Jeb wrote a long deconstruction and dismissed Parvini's idea as it applied to wrestling, which LuckyLopez acknowledged as a fine explanation for why ROH's Face/Face format ultimately failed. (The post went on to win Flame of the Year in the 2004 Boardies.) Even this response/acknowledgment was insufficient for Parvini, who again imagined that no one was "getting it" and that surely sports had no faces or heels. This well-meaning ignorance of or intentional blindness to others' comments managed to piss off the generally even-keeled LuckyLopez. Thus the thread was closed in disgust. Parvini's complete want of understanding of everything that everyone was saying to him (as well as basic board rules) led him to restart the thread a few days later, before his banning, and over a year later, as ParviniReturns. See also: The Boardies, George Banks, Janeway Erotic Fan Fiction, Parvini and ParviniReturns.

FFC's Drunken Tiara Challenge
The FFC Tiara challenge began as a throwaway thread, by FusionFistCutter, to get some discussion about an upcoming PPV that didn't have anyone terribly excited. After the card was posted, FFC asked people to guess during which match he would become so drunk that he'd give in to boredom and disenchantment with the rest of the show. Posters could only guess one match � first come, first served. As the game evolved, the previous month's winner was allowed a "veto" in which he could post his prediction at any time and take any other poster's selection as their own. Months down the road, after the game proved to be a success, many people even used U2Us and AOL Instant Messenger to get FFC to tell them when the latest thread would go up, so they could get their picks in early and stand a better chance at winning. Making an early pick was critical, since PPV cards rarely had more than eight matches to choose from, and the first two or three were guaranteed to take so little time that FFC couldn't possibly get fucked up during them.

Most people understood this wasn't a proven science, and in all honesty the winner was sometimes selected a bit arbitrarily � albeit with greater flippancy once FFC could no longer watch the shows at bars. However there is no doubt that FFC did get drunk at each and every show he started a thread about. Often times the winner's selection was the "piss break match," when most people would use the restroom, and FFC and his gang would head outside for a smoke. However this lack of a proven method did not stop some posters from being very verbal about who should have won, who stole whose pick, etc., each month. The very first thread started with a promise of a "prize" that never materialized, at least for the first few months of the game. Later OOMatt made the comment that he would take the "tiara" the following month, and from that the nature and form of the prize was established. For the WrestleMania XX Drunken Tiara Thread, FFC commissioned OO's very own talented graphic designer Angstboy to make an avatar consisting of a tiara surrounded by cheap beer. The winner would then have to use this avatar until the following month's competition. Only ModSquad relinquished this avatar willingly.

Here is a list of highlights of the 15 months and 16 champions of FFC's Drunken Tiara Challenge:
1. Vengeance 2003: Ando fittingly picks the moment FFC got too drunk, after posting a picture of himself ridiculously stoned and drunk, proving that to think like FFC, you have to drink like FFC. The picture might also have been an indicator of what sort of condition you need to be in to post 52 times in one day.
2. SummerSlam: ModSquad002 picks it on the first guess, by adroitly working off the theory that you have to pick matches later in the show, but not too late. Also, Ando makes the first mention of "the tiara" in a competition thread.
3. Unforgiven: No winner. ModSquad002 retains.
4. No Mercy: Here comes the WAAAAAHHHHMBULANCE! FFC "had" to "look after" his "kid," proving that he's a totally unreliable drunk. ModSquad002 retains yet again, setting the record for longest continuous possession of the tiara.
5. Survivor Series: Optard somehow wins, despite ModPrime vowing to win... or ban FFC for two days if he lost. Optard goes on to institute the tradition of using one's sig file to proclaim a Drunken FFC Championship victory.
6. Armageddon: FFC started a poll for this PPV, for reasons that aren't clear, as the poll format didn't really provide any advantage. Matt Hocking took the win, and FFC posted pictures of himself and the people he hung out with at the bar, and BBMN posted a picture of himself with a big-ass pilsner glass.
7. Royal Rumble 2004: Erin Anderson wins, but her victory takes place in the long, considerable shadow of the saga of trying to take a picture of El Blob and Gollum, a plan that failed due to the bar discontinuing its showing of PPVs.
8. No Way Out: Optard becomes two-time champion.
9. WrestleMania XX: ModPrime wins, and almost immediately begins feeling uneasy with the tiara avatar. Also, FFC's Drunken Tiara Challenge is the only competition won by more than one of the Mods.
10. Transitional Champ: After ModPrime had to relinquish the tiara, FFC provided a transitional competition. Whomever correctly guessed what imported beer he was drinking during the NCAA Final Four would be declared the winner. Endo picked "Harp's," which FFC announced was the winner. However, Jeb protested and named the beer Harp, and claimed he should have won. Just as there is no beer named "Budweiser's," there is no beer named "Harp's." Since Endo answered with something that doesn't exist, Jeb argued, he should not have won. FFC was more impressed that Endo guessed correctly so fast, so the decision did not get reversed.
11. Backlash: Payback or "Backlash" was a bitch for Endo. As the incumbent tiara champion, he had the right to poach another person's pick for his own. He did, stealing Borntorun's pick. However, since he twice referred to one of the wrestlers in the deciding match as "Kain," his pick was voided. "Kain" did not exist any more than "Harp's" does. Endo had pushed his luck, and instead Borntorun won the tiara, as he'd made the pick first and gotten the participants' names right.
12. Judgment Day: FFC doesn't even watch the PPV, so Optard gets an honorary win, becoming the first and only three-time champion and exposing the inherent crookedness of the whole competition.
13. Bad Blood: Gimmickman wins, as FFC starts naming matches with descriptions like "Hong Wang Kim vs. Dancing middle aged woman vs. Blond Canuck vs. red-headed thong lady."
14. Vengeance: Lorraine's win further exposes the arbitrary and crooked nature of the competition.
15. SummerSlam: 2HoT wins the last competition that doesn't stink of overt corruption.
16. Royal Rumble 2005: Stormtrooper wins the last tiara challenge in a ruling that sounds like FFC picking something mid-show simply because he remembered hearing about it. See also: Ando's 52 Posts.

Filas, Lee
See: LeeF and OOLee.

In the middle of an exhausting discussion about the reinstatement of TopTenPro, ModPrime explained the Mod policy on banning thus:
    When we ban people it's... because we're responding to YOU. People get the boot when they piss off lots of people on the boards. If 20 or more people on the boards hadn't hated TTP... he'd be here today. I'm not passing the buck, that's just the way it is.
Perverse as ever, Eli decided that, if that's the way the process worked, maybe he could artificially engineer it. In his words, it had "a very Shirley Jackson feel." So he picked a poster at random, who'd only posted once and declared: "I vote we ban flairmark!" Since the headache of dealing with TTP and the fallout of his banning and emailing members was such a bummer, ModPrime relented and canned Flairmark, since it would at least be a funny thing to talk about. Posters were delighted. Peer pressure is a powerful force. See also: "A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of TopTenPro and TopTenPro.

Folby's Giant Fish
Folby has had the same avatar since anyone can remember, trumping the second-place Krydor and his dancing banana by at least one year for the title of "longest continuous avatar usage." As you may guess, it's a giant fish, or at least it looks that way in the avatar. It's actually a stuffed piranha (complete with original teeth) that Folby bought on e-Bay right around the same time he reached 100 posts and was able to get an avatar. Folby's a member on other message boards, so he has other avenues in which he can get his "change my avatar" fix. Because of that, the Giant Fish will probably never be changed here at OO. It probably doesn't hurt that at least once per year someone whines about how long Folby's had or is going to have that avatar, which must make it all the more rewarding for him to resolve never to change the thing. See also: Avatars.

A nonsense word on the blacked-out main page of the OO forums following a board hack. Origin and meaning unknown. Also, with an umlaut, FO�OZ would be an awesome band name. It wouldn't even matter if you sucked, since everyone saying "BOO" would sound like they were saying "FOOOZ." Or maybe "Boo-urns." See also: Abu_Karim and Hacks.

Forum Purges
A generic term for the periodic consolidation or removal of disused forums. Over three years, various purges have consolidated MOVIES, TV and BOOKS into one forum and scattered the contents of COMMENTS ABOUT OTHER SITES/WRITERS, CRASHING THE BOARDS, THE INDY/INTERNATIONAL SCENE, LIVIN' LARGE IN SOUTHWEST OHIO, MARKING OUT, SINGLED OUT, TV/EVENT CRITIQUES and WRESTLING MERCHANDISE into remaining forums in which their threads would find a suitable home. In almost every case, a purge or consolidation was greeted with aggrieved public outcry followed weeks later by absolutely zero change in posting habits, increase/decrease in content or those most concerned mentioning the martyred forum ever again. See also: COMMENTS ABOUT OTHER SITES/WRITERS, CRASHING THE BOARDS, THE INDY/INTERNATIONAL SCENE, LIVIN' LARGE IN SOUTHWEST OHIO, MARKING OUT, MOVIES, TV and BOOKS, SINGLED OUT, TV/EVENT CRITIQUES and WRESTLING MERCHANDISE.

"The 'Fuck' List"
Veteran poster Eli opened this thread, "Here's a really Eeevil thread starter," and he was right. It soon grew larger than "Top Five of Anything," which had predated it by three months. What began as a series of frustrated comments about wrestling segued into complaints about working in restaurants and from there spun off into the unfocused what's-on-my-mind-right-now litany of complaints that we all know it as today. Because posts often don't have any bearing on other posts in the thread, the emotional content of the forum has always been somewhat scattershot. A self-centered whining post can take place just above a genuine expression of grief over a dead coworker or friend, anger at a stolen car, home burglary, lost Christmas bonus, unjust firing, frustration at the cancellation of a favorite TV show or a loss of Purity of Essence or God knows what.

The only unofficial rule in the list is not to say "fuck" to someone else's "fuck" post, but that rule has been broken fairly often, usually by people who feel justified in doing so. Whether anyone agrees with them is up in the air, but obviously no one would have broken it without some inner conviction that it was appropriate. Over the years there have also been minor debate flaps within the thread, most notably a few debates about the vacuity and pointlessness of posts like, "Fuck work! That is all." These have never been resolved. The large flap about Microplay's constant "I agree" posts also occurred in "The 'Fuck' List," ultimately leading to the coinage of "I Microplay." The list's popularity has waxed and waned over the years, with occasional bursts of dozens of posts followed by weeks of inactivity. It is also the second-longest thread in OO history, but depending on how you determine the integrity of individual threads, the "MLB 2006" thread may soon overtake it. "The 'Fuck' List" was eventually split into two threads by the Mods in order to more easily manage it when performing mod tasks. See also: I Microplay and "Top Five of Anything."


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:42 PM Edit Post

Gay Internet Love Triangle
A few years ago, Cory "Borntorun" Harris moved to Maryland, just a short drive away from Brad "Angstboy" Smoley. They quickly became friends, getting together for TNA pay-per-views and consensual sodomy. (Note: edit that last bit out.) They soon invited New Jersey native Ziggy "Optard" Blumenthal to make the drive to Baltimore for some booze and wrestling. (Not in the gay sense, supposedly.) Shortly after that, they started making a point of mentioning how they were hanging out together in real life and generally displaying shades of "we hang out in real life" syndrome. Eventually, Borntorun put up an avatar of Operation Retard, while Optard put up an avatar of Angstboy, while Angstboy put up an avatar of Borntorun. The avatar-identity swap came out in a thread creepily entitled "Programmer or Killer," when Operation Retard self-applied the term "Gay Love Triangle." (The "Internet" part of "Gay Internet Love Triangle" was added later and its inclusion/exclusion varies from poster to poster.) A few posts below, Optard posted an even creepier flash image of the three avatars on ropy bodies, holding hands and swinging their arms. "We hang out in real life" and "we're gay for each other" are both limited jokes, though, and as such the joke has worn a bit thin at times. Were it any other group of people, it probably would have worn thin, then through, then all over the collective patience of the message board long ago. Thankfully these three have the wit to "go negative" on each other when a joke beckons and generally have preferred telling good new jokes to keeping faithful to any old one regarding their real-life buddy status. Good senses of humor about their situation help keep at bay any tendency toward making their inclusive jokes more inclusive and more potentially grating. Nonetheless, that is something that could easily change should they stop being vigilant about making more fun of themselves than posting about how much fun their friendship is. See also: "We hang out in real life."

Gay Vampire Erotica
For a while in 2004 and 2005, ModPrime took to editing out the posts of repeat Troll Posters and replacing them with absurd or hideous internet content. The idea was to humiliate the returning idiots by associating them with higher, sicker levels of internet nerddom, to annoy them by obliterating their masterpiece posts, or simply to amuse other board members. Prime started out with Voyager-inspired Janeway and Seven of Nine erotic fan fiction, but apparently that well ran dry. Consequently, he switched to Gay Vampire Erotica and used it to replace the work of Chickiesinger and his possible alter-ego, Sup Bro. See also: Chickiesinger, Janeway Erotic Fan Fiction, Sup Bro and Troll Posters.

Gay Wrestler CTB
Way back when wrestling was still interesting, and the boards were newly clean, Jeb started compiling Crashing the Boards as a weekly piece. Even after a short while, though, Jeb found writing his own columns and compiling, organizing and editing the creme de la creme of the boards to be an exhausting, time-consuming task. Thus, on one fateful occasion, he turned the reins over to Bigfatgoalie, believing him dedicated enough to the boards to go through the hassle of compilation while still trying to remain mostly objective. BFG proceeded to turn in what some considered the least thoughtful and entertaining CTB to date. Where Jeb's entries would be faithfully edited to make for smooth reading, with headers and section titles designed to garner a laugh or offer some insight into topics that, to his thinking, represented the best of the boards, BFG's contribution appeared little more than a cut-and-paste job of the most active threads, with only posters' sigs, locations and post date edited out, and with plain dividing titles separating topics.

In addition to nearly indiscriminately cutting and pasting the most active debates, BFG, in an act of extreme hubris, saw fit to add his own pet "Gay Wrestler" thread to the annals of CTB, when response to his argument on the boards had been tepid at best. CTB was effectively a BFG showcase, which ran counter to Jeb's normal practice of only reluctantly including any content from himself. (The first time Jeb quoted one of his own posts in CTB was July 21, 2003, eight months and 21 columns later.) Worse, BFG's neglecting to edit the posts defeated the purpose of Jeb's turning compilation duty over to him, as Jeb had to go back and edit all the errors he was hoping to skip editing that week.

BFG later had the audacity to offhandedly comment to Jeb that doing CTB "wasn't that hard," � in fairness to BFG, if you don't actually do any work, it isn't � leading to one of the first instances of a Jeb retort that Jeb later found to be so nasty that he edited it out completely, leaving the dreaded blank [Edited by] blank post until the Mods deleted it. While the original retort wasn't up long, those that saw it remember seeing phrases like "scrofulous twit" and "shovel-headed chuckle-fuck" thrown around with reckless abandon. To this day, no one else has volunteered to compile CTB for the main page, though "shovel-headed chuckle-fuck" still gets an occasional workout in the Chat Room. See also: Chat Room History and CRASHING THE BOARDS.

General Incompetence Avatar
After three years of telling people their avatars were oversized, the Mods were a little fed up. Often the same people had oversized avatars again and again; newbies would immediately deploy comically outsized avs; vets would get confused over whether 150 pixels applied to width or height, or forgot about the file-size limits; and all this came in spite of the avatar limits being listed in the board rules that members are required to "OK" when registering, in a thread in CURRENT WRESTLING, in a thread in COMMENTS ON OO and in a how-to thread in PCs/GAMES about finding avatars and cropping images. It was getting time consuming and frustrating, and obviously some posters didn't care, so the Mods found a way to make correcting av size more memorable and more interesting for other posters. Inspired by Angstboy's "Perfect Avatar," which listed the pixel and file size limits in the av, they commissioned Angst to make a "General Incompetence" avatar to be awarded to people who couldn't figure out their av size. (The person's post count would be set to -5, then the av would be bestowed upon them. Upon post number five, their count would be effectively "Zeroed Out," with av privileges suspended for the next 100 posts, just like a newbie.) In addition to the pixel and file limits, the Mods wanted a happy picture of "a doofus" to accompany it. Unfortunately, Angst couldn't find anything that said "doofus" enough, so he enlisted Jeb's help. After looking through his images folder, Jeb dug up a running gag from, featuring a rewritten "Doug" comic in which Doug's friend accuses him of raping Patti, before saying "Honk! Honk!" The resulting General Incompetence Avatar represents the kind of cooperative can-do spirit that OOsters can bring to any challenge, especially if they're bored and ignoring work for hours at a time via AOL Instant Messenger. See also: Avatars, Perfect Avatar and Zeroed-Out Post Count.

George Banks
There's a 95% chance that George Banks was Parvini and a 5% chance he wasn't. On a basic I-post-on-the-board-and-remember-things level, it seemed pretty valid to equate the two. George Banks and Parvini were both ostensibly English; both had a demonstrable attitude of "�ber-wrestling-guru"; both posted almost exclusively in the WRESTLING and RETRO forums; both were concerned most by discussions of pre-attitude WWF; both argued about how faces and heels were created and related to, by fans; and both had a huge hard-on for Ted Dibiase. On the Mod level, both posted from similar "BTCENTRAL" IPs for a while, and both then posted from an IP for a while. The Mods say that these latter IPs had about a three-numeral difference: Parvini's posts came from, say,, and the George Banks posts came from It was hard not to think them the same person. George then posted, asserting his innocence and his difference from Parvini. ModPrime remained doubtful.

Looking back, it's hard to argue one side totally against another. You could say, "George Banks wasn't Parvini; he was just someone who was really good friends with Parvini, lived two doors down from him and accidentally liked the exact same things. They also had nearly identical IPs in college and in private life." This was the argument George Banks proffered, saying that his friend turned him onto OO's message board. (A big unasked question is: why would you turn your friend on to a message board where you're universally loathed if you know that you and your friend have virtually the same opinions and arguments and come from the same small college in the same university? Wouldn't that doom your friend?) Moreover, while George claimed that they were two different people from the same college, it was just as possible that "they" were actually one person who was using details of people he knew in real life to pose more effectively as someone else. Despite the fact that the "different people" argument was dubious, the Mods gave George another shot, figuring that his current name was poison, especially after a long-form flame from Jeb and a general fuck-off attitude from several others. (The flame won Best Flame in the 2005 Boardies awards, making Jeb two-for-two in years in which Parvini or someone just like him posted.)

Thinking they might have played a part in potentially outing an innocent guy, the Mods asked him to reregister after a week of not posting, then not post about retro-WWF, Ted Dibiase, or anything that would be a dead giveaway that it was the same guy. It would be a fresh start, with no baggage. George/Parvini completely ignored this request. He registered a new account on the same day that he last posted from his old one (a dead giveaway), immediately started grinding the same rhetorical axes (another dead giveaway) and totally spent whatever patience many regular posters or the Mods might have had. His new identity, The Evil Wizard, posted for a few months before being banned for not listening to the Mods and repeating everything that made Parvini and George Banks smugly absolutist quasi-intellectuals. If one were to look at it scientifically, yes, there was no absolute confirmation that George Banks/The Evil Wizard was the loathsome Parvini come again. Then again, after reading threads like "New Wrestling Reviews Website," it hardly matters, does it? See also: Parvini.

"Girl Safe Porn"
One of the most outstanding trainwreck threads in recent memory, "Girl Safe Porn" was doomed to be absurd from the very start. It started as innocently as any thread with such a title could, with notoriously prickly poster Benoitbrokemyneck lamenting the state of the porn industry because he could no longer find pornography to watch with his girlfriend that wouldn't horrify her with its depravity. The "line of taste" had been, in his words, "obliderated." He seemed to focus specifically on what he called a trend of men and women "eating each other's asses." While his complaint was not without merit, he did indicate that his frustration stemmed from the fact that the plethora of ass-eating porn made it difficult to entice his girlfriend into having a threesome with him and another woman by watching porn with her. Initially, feedback ran the gamut from offers of how to find suitable porn to digressions about the porn industry and how most men � okay, just FFC � prefer watching the types of porn that would make women vomit. ModSquad002 and Prime offered advice on brands and catalogues, while ModDawg just had fun with the discussion, which prompted Operation Retard to wonder where 003 was during this orgy of Mod posting.

Commentary was light and innocent until Markout ventured in and kicked the discussion over the line from silly to ludicrous by delivering one of the funniest one-liners in board history: "Girl-friendly porn is dead. Tell your woman to cowboy up and eat some ass." Almost immediately, 003 popped in to answer Optard's earlier question and demand that "somebody please hurry the fuck up and EAT MY ASS!!!" This firmly signaled the end of any productivity that may have inadvertently resulted from the discussion. Posters deliberately attempted to be offensive, to be funny or to provoke BBMN into starting a diatribe. Things continued somewhat slowly until Lorraine proffered a woman's point of view, saying that using porn to "entice" a woman into a threesome was asinine and that BBMN should just ask. Jeb then agreed with Lorraine and called BBMN on the carpet for his puritanical revulsion by analingus. As Jeb put it: "I went to an arch-liberal and often 'porn-is-evil' college, and probably by my second year I knew of men and women who'd eaten more ass than Sudanese refugees at a rump-roast-eating contest." In short, chill out. But BBMN had to retort. Only his retort didn't just cross the line of "too much information for a message board," it "obliderated" it. He offered two paragraphs of background on how his girlfriend had expressed interest in a threesome early on the relationship, only to back off because she had been terrified by being seen naked by a lesbian. (This was a clue, to probably anyone besides BBMN, that the girl in question was probably a manipulative tease unlikely to ever engage in a threesome despite continually using its possibility as an incentive for BBMN's good behavior. If being seen by a lesbian was off-putting and discomfiting, what exactly did he think her reaction to having a lesbian's or a straight girl's face halfway up her box, or hovering over her tits, was going to be like?)

Given the multitude of unnecessary assertions, a poster who had read BBMN's detailed exposition would have been hard-pressed not to find the information:
    � Unnecessary
    � Auto-fellatio
    � Suspect in its veracity at best
Even Markout continued to try to be helpful, despite the clusterfuck outcome the thread was speeding toward. But it was fruitless. When Jeb continued to press BBMN about the absurdity of his point, BBMN would counter with more and more information that made one cringe and wonder why he was sharing with posters to this degree. The entire porn discussion could have been conducted without mentioning BBMN's alleged threesome; in fact, it was wholly unnecessary for porn discussion. (Who needs to give men an excuse to talk about porn on the internet?) With each new post, the details about BBMN's sex life got deeper and more ornate and the focus on his threesome more intense, while the excuse for talking about them � finding "girl-safe porn" � receded so far into the background that it could easily have been forgotten, were it not still the thread title.

After Jeb and later Markout attempted to satirically point out how ridiculous that it was that BBMN would tell readers about his assignations and expect everyone to believe them in toto, BBMN only offered more lurid details and even offered to have his girlfriend call Jeb to verify what he had been saying. When Jeb and Markout finally backed off, seeing no point in crossing BBMN's strange line and taking it any further, the thread sputtered to a halt, leaving only scars in the memories of those who experienced it. Later BBMN claimed that he "trainwrecked the fuck" out of this thread to bait people into being negative about him and the thread and thus inadvertently becoming exemplars of (and reflexive commentators on) OO's culture of negativity and Hive Mentality. Supposedly posters didn't read the thread and tell him he was full of it, of their own volition; no, instead, BBMN subtly lured others into making critical comments and unwittingly exposing their own shortcomings � all to service a meta-commentary on board culture that he wished to create. OOsters have two choices to make about this. One, they can feel ashamed of their conduct and concede that they were masterfully manipulated by the internet equivalent of a morphine-soaked Bela Lugosi shrieking, "PULL DE STRINGS! PULL DE STRINGS!" at the beginning of Glen or Glenda. Two, they can just reread the thread, look at the evidence, and conclude that BBMN is full of shit. "Girl Safe Porn" went on to become the proud winner of the 2005 Boardie for "Biggest Train Wreck Thread." BBMN's probably still waiting for that threesome. See also: The Boardies, Comedy Threads and Hive Mentality.

Godwin's Law
A critical rule to remember in any serious online debate, Godwin's Law states that, "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." Generally, once Hitler or Nazism has been invoked, all productive discussion is over. See also: Crucifuckwad and Krydor Style.

Golden Heat
Golden Heat would be an utterly forgettable little idiot if he weren't such a motherfuckin' internet badass. When ModPrime and OOsters got on Golden Heat's case for citing crappy third-party wrestling sites, not knowing what a space bar is and generally writing like a fifth grader, he wasn't pleased. He didn't want to have a discussion about his writing style or the sites he frequented. He just wanted to talk about wrestling. And to make sure we all got on track, he sternly warned: "I got so many names on this board,you will be surprise.... Don't fuck with me,I can bug this board all up. You guys is amatures too me." So, just to see what he could do, ModPrime banned him. Turns out, Golden Heat can't bug up shit.

He returned a month later as Big Homey Shawn. Apparently, his 1337 hax0r skills led him to continue using AOL � you know, like all hackers do � and also to register under a name that he had bragged about posting under shortly before he was banned; consequently, the Mods knew who he was right away. For a while, he was allowed to write crappy posts and start crappy threads with titles like, "I LOVE TEDDY HART EGO," but eventually his lethal combination of idiotically writing idiotic ideas proved too much for ModPrime, who wanted him to either start writing like a grown up or at least BUG UP the board already. Thankfully, the attitude about his horrible writing and horrible thinking was shared. After forcefully being told to use the space bar, Big Homey Golden Heat snapped back at ModPrime, telling him that he was the reason why the OO board is one of the worst on the internet, then named several superior message boards. Charitably, ModPrime banned him again, thus releasing him to go post on all the superior message boards out there. Nonetheless, Golden Heat's comments begged the question: if OO is such a significantly awful message board with a Moderator who ruins it, why was he registering twice to post here? He couldn't answer that question when he registered the third time, either. Naturally, everyone is still waiting for him to BUG UP the board. See also: SUPAWONDER.

The Graveyard
The forum currently known as "Parts Unknown." The original purpose of The Graveyard was to house all threads that were so stupid, ugly or pointless that they had to be closed and put somewhere away from view � or threads that were so pointless that you might as well start them there. However, The Graveyard came to be so popular � due to threads like "The 'Fuck' List" and "Top Five of Anything" � that a dead name became inappropriate. It was renamed and has since become the second-most visited forum on OO. Probably the most notable feature of The Graveyard's existence � other than the fact that it was created at all � is the fact that it was actually created twice. ModPrime scoured the boards for all bad, Troll-Poster-laden and Shit-Poster-laden threads and personally moved each of them to the newly created Graveyard. Then, a Minor Board Wipe erased that forum and all his work. He then moved all those posts again, one by one. Things like this may explain why Prime's usually in a bad mood. See also: Minor Board Wipes and Parts Unknown.

The Great Board Wipe
January 2003 � April 2003
Due to an error in the site architecture, the OO boards lost all posts from this period. For some posters, this meant absolutely dick. For others, this meant the loss of hundreds of posts, the beginnings of their flowering as OO personalities � or, in some extreme cases, the complete loss of an entire account. Also lost in the Great Board Wipe were several classic and truly funny flame wars with trolls � like Bud Ellock and The Amazing Chucko � who shaped the attitude, xenophobia, acid wit and Hive Mentality of the remaining posters. Strangely, though all posts were lost, the post counts of all posters who were active during this period remained the same, resulting in later confusion that required the artificial jacking-up of post counts. A final note: virtually every single message board in existence for more than a year or two has their own "Great Board Wipe," and the fact that OO had one should probably be considered either no big deal or perhaps an indication of our faithful commitment to perpetuating online dork clich�s. See also: Error: cannot open xmb_threads.MYT, Jacked-Up Post Count, Hive Mentality, Minor Board Wipes, Shit Posters and Software Update.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:43 PM Edit Post

2005 saw a series of board "hacks," wiping out probably two weeks of posts altogether. The hacks took advantage of a common exploitable error in XMB message board code. This wasn't a case of Angelina Jolie and Johnny Lee Miller "hacking the Gibson"; this was the internet equivalent of an unlocked screen door that everyone knew about. Although some OOsters think these hacks were deliberate, malicious attacks on OO as a community, it's much more likely that the site was picked at random. Any XMB board lacking a specific software update was fair game, and the "hacker" probably chose OO by performing a Google search for certain XMB data (OO's XMB data is displayed at the bottom of the page) and finding that OO could be exploited. The alternative � that he or she chose it for personal reasons � is a little farfetched and indulgent.

Each hack would see the message board page blacked out and replaced by a small quicktime movie, Arabic writing, the word "FOOOZ" and a generic comment about how the hacks would continue until, "US Stop Support of Israel." According to Rick, the hackers' IPs were in fact originating in Palestine, but the likelihood that someone thought blacking out a wrestling message board with 200 active members would actually effect change in the occupied territories is probably pretty low. Despite the numerous reasons to believe the hacking was random, many OOsters surmised that the attacks were deliberately targeted at this board for some amorphous purpose. This attitude oddly echoes the attitude of those in war-torn regions, who attribute intent to random acts of destruction. Just as English townsfolk often concluded that the bombing of a local market during WWII was the intended act of a German bomber that much more probably had just veered off course over a blacked-out foreign land in the dead of night, OOsters saw a method in ugliness that was probably pure chance. This is not to say that OOsters are silly or vain. Rather, it means that victims of senseless maliciousness invariably seek to find a reason for it as a means of internalizing and coping with what's happened. It's easier to vilify an acne-scarred homunculus who takes his vengeance out on OO than it is to hate a stranger of indeterminate race or sex who found and harmed you by random selection. See also: Abu_Karim and FOOOZ.

Hive Mentality
Depending on your perspective, the hive mentality is either a great advantage or a great shortcoming to the OO boards. It's probably a little bit of the latter these days. It refers to the drone-like swarming action that some OOsters undertake in the face of any perceived threatening intruder. It sounds like so much pop-science, but it's hard to think of a better description. Simply put: someone thought to be a complete moron, an attention whore or a former banned character appears; one OOster calls him/her on a certain post, and other OOsters swarm around the thread and the post, ultimately driving the person away or leaving him/her verbally stung and wounded in the face of the community. Today, the practice seems extreme and juvenile, and it easily can be. In pre-Mod times, however, it sometimes helped keep the few untainted OO threads from going the way of so many of their counterparts and actually discouraged some posters who might have become the scourge of a given forum. Though such public watch-doggery is no longer necessary with the presence of the Mods, it's only fair to say that many of the sharper-tongued OOsters have been absolutely right in an intuitive thin-slicing way that diagnosed a legitimate problem before the "science" of IP traceroutes or email addresses could confirm anything. Good examples of this are early board detection of the return of The Amazing Chucko, Bud Ellock (since lost to board wipes), Elbato997 and perhaps George Banks. It's also fair to say that the hive mentality has produced a generous share of funny threads, with flames degenerating to iterations and conjugations of strange jokes and meta-jokes. Nevertheless, it is also fair to say that innocents have been run off by misperceptions of their intent and identity. (Probably the most damning illustration of a misgiven hive reaction was the vilification of Canadian Bulldog and his first column. OOsters rushed in with negative comments, with little evidence to work with. Later, many completely reversed their opinions. But it's hard to imagine that that would have happened without Rick and Jeb's nod of approval for Canadian Bulldog and also Bulldog's presence on the main page. Had he been a mere poster, it's entirely likely that he'd have left in well-earned disgust.)

Critics of the hive mentality rightly point out that the same small group's de facto policing the content of the boards has homogenized it and created a kind of institutional stagnation. Since "outside" opinions are mocked or ridiculed, they never gain any foothold here, and thus people don't become accustomed to them or have any opportunity to learn from them or modify their own perspectives. Other critics, such as Eoghann Irving, saw it as more symptomatic of a cliquishness of personalities rather than ideas. There are three valid defenses of the hive mentality, however. One, as said, OO used to be a very nasty place when unmoderated. Even after the appearance of Mods, posters would look with dread at the name of a newly registered account and wonder if it would bring a torrent of show spoilers or shit pictures. Bearing that in mind, the fear of "outsider" ideas was honestly earned: the board was quite literally besieged for months by outsiders, most of whom offered nothing more than ill-feeling and malicious content.

The second defense (one suggested by the Mods) is that a mass negative reaction to a legitimately bad poster reduces the chances of that poster reregistering. If a Mod bans someone, that person may think that the Mod just doesn't like him, that it's some personal issue that the Mod can be argued out of or forced to get over. If a whole board kicks someone out, however, it's harder to rationalize just being misunderstood by one person. Thus, the hive mentality might have reduced the number of repeat appearances by untold numbers of banned characters. There are exceptions to this rule, naturally. TopTenPro, The_Insider, The Amazing Chucko and Chickiesinger have all made countless reappearances. But remember that TTP basically stalked Jeb, and in any case, Borntorun gave him reason to feel appreciated with "A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of TopTenPro." The_Insider supplied "insider" information to Rick and thus thought that the Mods would be fired at a moment's notice, to preserve the goodwill of Rick's "source." The Amazing Chucko thought he was part of some board invasion, and Chickiesinger just seems pathologically oblivious.

The third defense is the simplest of all: that whatever credence we give to the dominance or control of a hive mentality is something easily � but perhaps only partially � countered by a closer look at the enthusiasms of many established posters. Despite the heaps of scorn for Chris Masters, beloved poster Mooseheadjack has had no shortage of fellow travelers who have said that hatred for Masters is both tedious and misgiven. No smark who truly valued his signed copy of Scott Keith's latest "I copied and pasted PPV reviews and turned them into a book!" tome would ever argue that Billy Gunn was worth more as a wrestler than as, say, weight displacement in a long canoe. Yet Borntorun is about as well-regarded as anyone could be on this message board, and his fondness for Billy "The Load" Gunn is undisguised and zealous. Indeed, pretty much every veteran poster has a verbally constipated "hoss" somewhere in his smark skeleton closet. With that in mind, it's possible to see some benefits to the OO Hive Mentality. It's a force that categorically opposes established idiot behavior and collectively works to make said behavior unwelcome. But in spite of the many opportunities we have for smug satisfaction, many veteran posters see a hive mentality as an antiquated liability for the future growth of the board. More to the point, many of those same veteran posters see how we have all excluded the outright terrible and the ambiguously bad while still warmly embracing opinions that would seem antithetical to the average "smark" Bret Hart/Chris Benoit wankatorium. See also: The Amazing Chucko, Canadian Bulldog, Chickiesinger, Elbato997, Eoghann, Shit Posters, "A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of TopTenPro," Spoilers, The_Insider and TopTenPro.

A Troll Poster whose entire schtick was writing kindergarten-level posts about how great Hulk Hogan was. His typical offering was something like, "teh Hlulksterr woulld pin trilpe H in a minute witha leg drop becazue he is tle hulkstre." Due to the pre-Software Update provenance of his posts, his identity is basically a mystery. But a convincing case can be made that he was Bud Ellock. Blessedly, none of his posts remain, although they made significant negative impact at the time. See also: Bud Ellock and Troll Posters.

"HulkRulez" is the last name used by a Troll Poster probably better known as "LeeF" or "NoNameRequired," from the "Monday Recap" thread in which he posted as the former and outed himself as the latter. After both those names were essentially trashed by his actions in that thread, he continued to troll the board as "TigerChungLee" and most prominently as "HulkRulez." Occasionally he was mistaken for being yet another identity of the Shit Posters Ryan O Reily and Captian Mayhem/Shithousepoet, and in truth it's difficult to see much distinction between them. Suffice to say, he never resorted to posting pictures of human feces, but he stepped right up to that line and seemed proud of doing so. Not many more specifics can be furnished about Hulk because his account was deleted by the Mods before deleting his posts. This has resulted in one obscure phenomenon: his posts remain, but since his account does not, one cannot search for his posts by clicking on the "search for more posts" button in his profile page. That leaves the board search function, which is not always reliable. However, by using that function, we can determine that he started posting in April 2002 and continued with this troll account (while making others) until the Mods banned him sometime during the span of time covered by the Great Board Wipe. During that time, he created at least five other troll accounts. See also: Great Board Wipe, Leef, The Mods, NoNameRequired, TigerChungLee, Shit Posters and Troll Posters.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:43 PM Edit Post

Sometimes, names dictate the destiny of the bearer. For instance, anyone who names their daughter Chastity can pretty much count on her being an ass-eating porn star, an ass-eating lesbian, or both. The same can sometimes be said of the screen names that message board users choose. In this case, by choosing the name I_Am_Always_Right, it was pretty much predestined that this guy would be an ass-eater.

While evidence of the worst posts by this rectal restauranteur was eliminated in one of the board hacks, he stands as a burning example of why you shouldn't choose a name that could so rankle other users of a message board. He also stands as a burning example of a total dipshit, since the terrible name choice would have been ultimately forgiven and forgotten had he not chosen to try to inhabit the character that such a name might imply. Ending most of his posts with, "And remember, I Am Always Right," his demeanor was combative and generally troll-like, leading several board regulars to needle and irritate him intentionally. Eventually, after a spate of particularly officious posts, the Parody Account, "No, I Am Always Right," was registered to tweak him. A funny late-night flame-posting showdown between the two was claimed by a board Hack about a couple hours after it finished. (The hack also took out the period of February 11-22, 2005.) However, one thread remains in which "No, I Am Always Right" tells I_Am_Always_Right to stop U2Uing him and challenging him to a Doctor Who fan fiction write-off. Finally, his combination of stupidity, heelish behavior and being a general dickhead led to his banning.

Of course, being the sort of fuckypants who thought signing his post "I Am Always Right" was clever, he also thought that he needed a parachute account for when the board inevitably turned on him. As his nose-blowing tenor of posting neared the crescendo that brought out No, I Am Always Right, he registered "N/A" on February 20, just two days before the comedic late-night flame war. Then, after I_Am_Always_Right was banned on February 28, N/A stepped in and exposed the board to its own shortcomings on March 6. Jeb was "a pathetic hack," and "you all," meaning members of the boards, could "go fuck yourselves." The negativity was even specified. Markout could go fuck himself; "of all the pathetic losers on here," Figure Foreskin was "the worst," and "the only thing that sucked worse then" ModPrime was "nothing." "Pathetic Fucking Loser" Prime then banned him. But nobody was hurt more than poor 2HoT, who found out that N/A not only had met him in real life, but had also "fucked [his] gir... in the ass." This sort of shattering revelation can be the only explanation for 2HoT's mature, apologetic 4,000th post celebration, where it showed he'd been doing a lot of thinking. See also: Girl Safe Porn, Hacks, Parody Accounts and Post Count Celebrations.

I Microplay
1. A way for one poster to say "I agree" to an above or quoted post without sinking to the level of just saying, "I agree."
2. A snide way of indicating that another poster has said "I agree" to a thoughtful post without adding anything to the discussion. The statement sprang from poster Microplay_24's sudden habit, in 2005, of popping into a given discussion only to offer a one-line agreement without adding anything else. These empty posts flew in the face of the high esteem accorded Microplay for his swath of thoughtful posts as a newbie that earned him "Breakout Poster of 2004" Boardie honors. Had anyone else done it, or had he done it less often, it likely would have gone unnoticed. But the disparity between his early, expansive newbie posts and his one-line "veteran" posts resonated with some posters who'd earlier praised him heartily. More to the point, his stolid and uncompromising defense of his recent "I agree" postings made it seem as if he was proud of such contributions. Whether he had anything to be proud or ashamed of is obviously up to each poster, and to be sure, he is neither universally praised, nor condemned; nor have those critical of the "I agree" posts ever minimized his early excellent posts. Nonetheless, "I Microplay" is synonymous with "I agree," and sometimes pejoratively so. The expression has cropped up in giant flame threads, entertainment threads, sports threads, serious debate threads, serious threads about WWE, silly threads and trainwreck comedy threads.
See also: The Boardies, My Post Count Is One Higher and Owner of the First Ever Intercontinental Title Belt.

"I never liked him."
When Jeb and fellow columnist Rocky Swift used to routinely get shitfaced on a balcony overlooking the center of their college's social scene, they almost never left the elevated couch from which they sat and judged all the befouled hippies that they would ultimately, later in the evening, find magically more attractive due to the intervention of cheap booze. Because said couch was prime real estate, and standing up was too hard, others' departure from the balcony was marked with an idle farewell wave of the beer can. This faux-imperious attitude seeped into and subverted other niceties; Rocky began declaring in a perturbed voice, "I never liked him" whenever anyone � male or female � left the room. Despite the fact that this was often patently untrue, its repetition made it a viral habit with dozens of friends, acquaintances, young whippersnappers � even girlfriends commenting on boyfriends and husbands on wives. Thus, just after OOsters eased into the routine of meeting in the Chat Room every Monday, Jeb began greeting every "Poster X has left the chat" with, "I never liked him." As was the case with much of his college acquaintances, OOsters in chat began adopting "I never liked him" either in anticipation of Jeb's saying it, in sincere declaration of dislike, in playful acknowledgment of special fondness for the departing chatter, or just in a communal-joke spirit. As also was the case with college, this led Jeb to affect wounded airs and declaim, "But he is my dearest friend!" and rebuke all present. The joke eventually wore thin, especially with the frequent comings and goings of people in chat. Still, "I never liked him" retains a place in collective memory and is liable to appear from the keyboard of any number of OO chatters. See also: Chat History.

"I Quit" Threads
Although not in the board rules, it's official board policy to delete "I Quit" threads, in which someone declares for X, Y or Z reasons why they are quitting the board forever. There are two reasons for this:
1. Threads like that are usually chock-full of sniping insults, unanswerable flames and attention whoring. Since the person is going away "forever," he or she tends to run down a personal shit list and leave a flame or zinger for just about everyone. But, since the person has ostensibly left just after posting said thread, those who have been insulted really have no way to respond. The whole situation creates needless tension that stands a great chance of exploding the moment that poster returns.
2. If the person is a decent poster, that "I'm never coming back" thread may actually be something that keeps them from coming back, as they wouldn't want to appear spineless or dependent on OO for some bizarre emotional fulfillment if they return.

The most famous instance of a deleted "I Quit" Thread was BFG's from autumn 2003. After a clash with the Mods over a sig image of Stu Hart (the Mods had temporarily OK'd it following Stu's death, but BFG kept it for weeks), BFG posted a thread in which he enumerated the things he did and didn't need in his life. OO obviously missed the cut for the first one and was filed under the second. More than likely, BFG's sudden impulse to leave owed little to the Mods' politely or impolitely enforcing a long-standing rule and instead owed a great deal to months of Bonestein trolling his posts and fellow OOsters flaming him. Basically, Goalie was fed up and needed a break � a fact that was confirmed when he returned to posting a few months later. The Mods deleted Goalie's "I Quit" thread as soon as they saw it, believing that it might have been an impediment to his return. Since BFG came back and has been relatively happy, the policy seems a sound one. See also: Bonestein vs. Bigfatgoalie.

One of the original forums created by The Rick when the board started up, Indy also came in second for the title of "most dormant." (The record for least activity went to the old BOOKS forum, which after 26 months had only 32 threads in it.) The story of Indy pretty much parallels that of TV/EVENT CRITIQUES. Both Indy and Critiques had a few niche posters, but not enough to keep them going on their own. While Critiques would see show recaps by aspiring recappers, Indy saw indy recaps by enthusiasts like Folby (ROH) and Lz (OVW) and promotional threads by writers like Llakor (IWS). Unfortunately for those writers, not many people visited the forum and checked out their work because of a knock against the forum that it shared with the old Critiques forum. Namely, that when something newsworthy happened to an indy wrestler or promotion, nobody talked about it in the forum devoted to indy material: they talked about it in CURRENT WRESTLING. Just as critiques of current shows inevitably appeared in the more popular and active forum about news, so did quotes and snippets about the latest indy signing, major injury, storyline development, etc. Even though Indy had a stated purpose, it couldn't hope to compete with posters' natural desires to post their news and opinions in a forum more likely to generate a greater number of thread views and responses. While the Mods expressed regret at the forum closure, Folby, who made use of the forum more than anyone else, expressed gratitude for the closure, because his reviews of ROH shows would now have a larger potential audience. See also: Forum Mergers, MOVIES, TV and BOOKS and TV/EVENT CRITIQUES.

"Interview the Person Below You"
"Interview the Person Below You" was one of the largest and most immediately forgettable threads in message board history, spanning four months of posting activity and 35 pages of content, before it was mercifully closed. The basic idea of the thread was that an open-ended question was posed to the board, and whomever chose to answer it would then pose a question for the next person to answer. The thread had the distinct possibility of turning into a giant clusterfuck from day one � especially since its creator was Screw Flanders, who had been revealed to be the recently banned Elbato997 only days before. Credit should be given to Borntorun for being the first person to reply to the question and for taking it and the spirit of the thread seriously. The thread started out with sincere wrestling-related questions and several multi-paragraph answers during its first few days. Miraculously, it made it through 67 replies before the threat of descending into vapid posting-for-posting's-sake reared its ugly head. Even so, the thread was quickly stirred back toward wrestling discussion and then was opened up to include questions ranging anywhere from politics, to sports, to television shows, to music, and so on and so forth. On the whole, it was surprisingly good for a healthy span of posts. It's hard to say at what point it started its inevitable transition into a sorry-excuse-for-post-padding affair, but it is fair to say that the transition was complete by page 15. However, after two months of asking questions like
    "Does BoerboelLVR like sweaty man love?"
    "Would BoerboelLVR prefer cold, perspiration-free man-love?"
    "What happened to all my socks?"
    "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
    "What was the answer to #12?"
    "Who's got a plate of sumpthin'?"
    "What the fuck is that thing on your face?"
    "Brownstown Bombers VS Detroit Lightning...who wins?"
and answers that were generally limited to one sentence of no more than twelve words, Borntorun announced that he would no longer participate in the thread because it had become mundane and lost much of its appeal and quality. ModSquad004 took that as a significant sign and decided to lock it up for good. See also: Elbato997.

"Is Water Over?"
Technically named "Can we be honest about wrestling fans," "Is Water Over" is a comedy meta-thread-hijack committed by Jeb and Brad "Angstboy" Smoley. Inveterate smark E.F.G. started a thread that essentially rehashed familiar arguments about the relative social non-appeal of the archetypal "Wrestling Fan," which brought with it the rehashed counter-arguments and rehashed hostility to social snobbery. In short, it was much ado about the very familiar, with all the "ado" coming in familiar forms and from familiar tangents. In response to this, Jeb and Brad hijacked the thread by deliberately engaging in the same stereotypical rhetorical tactics that dominate many wrestling threads. Only this argument was about water, and how over it is. Jeb and Brad went back and forth, with Mooseheadjack, Y2G, Drmuerto, Outback Jack, Canadian Bulldog, DevoniusMaximus, Borntorun, 2HoT, Salmonjunkie and others joining in. Water took the form of WWE or TNA or WCW, depending on the argument, while the discussion took the shape of the overall "Who's the REAL �ber-fan?" sniping commonly found in arguments about wrestling fandom. If you had been taking the thread seriously at that point, it was probably deeply annoying. But if you had read the wrestling forums for more than a year by then, it likely appeared as an absurdist meta-commentary on how wrestling arguments and poster identities break down over the absurdist lines. And maybe it was even funny. See also: Comedy Threads and Smarks.


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I'm a gigantic brain!

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Registered 8-6-2006
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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:43 PM Edit Post

Jacked-Up Post Count
Due to lost posts from several board wipes and Hacks, some OOsters have post counts that do not relate to posts that can be found on the boards. After the Great Board Wipe, people who had posted hundreds of times found their posts lost forever, but their post counts remained intact. This condition persists for some, even after hacker attacks. However, if the Mods have to reset post counts for everyone, post counts will revert to the number of posts that can be found in the board database. In which case, those who want to keep their inflated post total (including those lost in the board wipes) have to do an archived Google search to see how high their post count was before the Mods reset all posts. Then they must tell the Mods what their old post count was and make a "jacked-up post count" until the next time post counts are reset and the whole process begins again. See also: Error: cannot open xmb_threads.MYT, Great Board Wipe Hacks and Minor Board Wipes.

Janeway Erotic Fan Fiction
After getting his epically disastrous and wrongheaded thread closed by the Mods, Parvini thought it would be a really bright idea to start a new thread, on the exact same topic and close out his post with, "Please just accept that I am right here." This annoyed countless posters, but it was ModPrime who edited out the first post and told everyone that he was going to change the text to a joke because (a) the argument had been made countless times already and (b) changing the post would piss off Parvini. The problem was, Parvini repeated his argument in another post in that same thread, which meant ModPrime had to come up with more than one joke post. For no significant reason, Prime Googled, copied and pasted Captain Janeway and Seven of Nine erotic fan fiction into Parvini's post. Later, Chickiesinger's idiotic posts were edited out and replaced with Part II and Part III of the Voyager-related fanboy erotica. Later, Prime switched to replacing shitty posts with Gay Vampire Erotica. See also: Chickiesinger, Gay Vampire Erotica and Parvini.

JTL Fan Forum
The Official JTL forum is a place for all "JTL"-lovers to sound off about their favorite opinionated internet wrestling writer. The EZBoard Forum was created by OO forum member Angstboy as a humorous extension of an online crusade to fuck with Randy Orton fans. More specifically, it was a crusade to fuck with the type of Randy fan who had been angrily emailing Jeb about his constant berating of all things Randy in his Obtuse Angle columns. (Most of the fuckery would have gone over their heads. The sort of Orton fan who thought that the world needed to see another 300x800-pixel image of Randy in their sig file probably wasn't going to understand that giant sig images of fish and disassociated photo collages were a pastiche fuck-you to that whole message board culture.) OO Board member Markout got things rolling by "attacking" the Randy Orton Official Website EZBoard and was eagerly backed up by a number of OO regulars. By stirring things up, the OOsters caused the Orton board to be temporarily closed. Prior to this, however, the JTL Forums were created in order to both mock Randy Orton fans and to celebrate everything "Totally Tennyson." Tongue firmly in cheek, these forums tackled such scintillating topics as "Wrasslin'," "Haiku," and "Body Massage," among other things relating to Jeb. Soon after, the joke drew yet another parody-driven parallel when Borntorun comically copied Jeb's own "Crashing the Boards" forum anthology column by posting "Crashing Jeb's Boards," a send-up that brought together a miscellany of gems from the OO Forums � one that was so good, Jeb was too stupefied to reply. See also: CRASHING THE BOARDS, Orton Fangurl Invasion and "Who Wants Cod?"

Jessie Nolan's Butt
The flat bedenimed butt belonging to Grundy County resident and light in the firmament of The Amazing Chucko, Jessie Nolan. See also: The Amazing Chucko and Kari Hargas' Butt.

Johnny ITR
Johnny ITR is an alter-ego of veteran poster Borntorun, aka Cory Harris. Cory earned the name when aiding Canadian Bulldog after Bulldog posted "A Real BS Story" in April 2004. With Bulldog's phony source [email protected] temporarily out of commission because of an issue with a company known as Total BS Productions, Cory began emailing Bulldog news to use for his Inside The Ropes (ITR) column. Once Cory revealed himself, Bulldog�hired him as an official ITR apprentice, dubbing him "Johnny ITR" as a nod to WWE wrestler John Hennigan's becoming Eric Bischoff apprentice Johnny Nitro. As Johnny ITR, Harris contributed valuable column ideas and even guest-hosted for Bulldog in late-2005.

"Juggernaut Is Not a Mutant"
The "Juggernaut is not a mutant" craze started in a thread about the upcoming X-Men 3 movie, where forum regular and all-around sideboob Operation Retard expressed his displeasure with the filmmakers' intent on making the character of Juggernaut into a mutant. In the X-Men series of comic books, Juggernaut is clearly not a mutant, a fact which Optard took every opportunity to express. In fact, at one point Optard adopted an avatar featuring a picture of the Juggernaut proclaiming his non-mutant status. By repeating the fact the Juggernaut is not a mutant over and over again, the question "Is Juggernaut a mutant?" began to spring up around the board as a comical, shorthand way of insinuating that a subject has been pounded into the ground. In the meantime, Operation Retard remains a sideboob.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:43 PM Edit Post

Kari Hargas' Butt
The flat bedenimed butt belonging to Grundy County resident and light in the firmament of The Amazing Chucko, Kari Hargas. See also: The Amazing Chucko and Jessie Nolan's Butt.

Killer Canadian Coins
One of the board's funnier long-running jokes, the deadly enormity and mass of Canadian coins was initially mentioned by poster Mcian in a whiny rant that he later attempted to ennoble by calling it "a discussion." It wasn't. Mcian demanded that the Canadian government return to paper dollars because his pocket was too heavy with all those coins in it. What made the rant funnier was that Mcian was ostensibly in favor of more responsible government spending, yet was incensed that the government was saving money by printing coins � all because coins were a hassle for him. (He was willing to make an exception for fiscal irresponsibility as long as it made his jeans-pocket burden lighter, little realizing that the government's using extra monies to fund social programs not only helped the lives of countless others, but also put some hefty ounces in his crotch-region for the first time in his beshitted life.) Also, he was apparently paralytically afraid of bums. This stupid thread was probably the beginning of the end for Mcian. The thread is notable for two reasons. One, it led to lots of funny posts about people being crushed to death underneath a Canadian dollar coin, ripping their arms off apart trying to pick up a Toonie or using Canadian coins to beat a dead horse. Two, it was so bad that it led nice-guy ModDawg to close it after announcing, "Mcian sucks." See also: Mcian.

"Krydor Style"
1. Though posters who have been here for a long time and gotten used to the BB code tags will employ it � and though many who write long posts often do � "Krydor Style" is almost exclusively a NEWS/CE forum staple. Typically, this term refers to taking quoted text out of quote tags and putting it in bold in order to make a long, quote-heavy reply more readable. After the fourth quote in quote tags, a long argumentative post tends to look like dogshit. (Posters first made this complaint after Operation Pajama Pants' coined "Krydor Style" to refer to point-by-point quoting. The problem, as BBMN, Eli and Kyle Maxwell pointed out, was that quote tags wasted tons of space, and quotes-within-quotes were even more confusing. As a solution, Kyle proposed the bold-quote/reply style that, when merged with the point-by-point quoting, came to be known as the "Krydor Style.") The Krydor Style shortens the post length while also making it easier to understand the relationship between quote and reply. Without a doubt, this aspect of "Krydor Style" derived from his intense and quote-heavy interactions with Ultra Magnus, who tended to fight quotes with quotes, attack the legitimacy of quotes and sedulously quote statements and break them apart for argumentative purposes.
2. The term can also refer to: changing the subject of an argument mid-thread when confronted with a difficult counterargument; discounting the legitimacy of others' sources while linking to a vaguely mainstream source that supports you; linking to something of questionable legitimacy while accusing others of bias or ignorance for critiquing sources; and passively invoking Godwin's Law by accusing those not immediately willing to go to war of being Neville Chamberlain. Despite that litany of critical citations, it should be noted that one could make argument for a third definition of Krydor Style, which is:
3. Doing a complete 180� turn in personality when exiting the CE forum. While many board vets would readily describe Krydor as insufferable when talking about politics and current events, almost no board members (or none that could be discovered) have a problem with him in any other forums. Krydor is probably the touchstone example of someone who can deliberately needle and infuriate other posters when discussing news, but immediately check any issue or negative motives at the door when leaving CE � then go on to have tolerant and kind discussions in any other forum, U2U or instant message. See also: CE, OO Kyle, Operation Pajama Pants and Ultra Magnus.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:43 PM Edit Post

Late Night Board Lag
Posters living outside the Americas and those posters constitutionally incapable of leaving the boards for any prolonged span of time have frequently asked and complained about a deeply annoying problem. From roughly 12:30-3:00 a.m., Eastern Time, the OO boards effectively shut down. For the first half an hour, there is a pronounced "board lag" in load times of pages. Then, from 1:00-2:00 a.m. pages often do not load at all. Then from 2:00-3:00 a.m., the pronounced lag returns. After that, the problem seems to go away gradually, finally reaching normal speed around 4:30-5:00 a.m. Nevertheless, for nearly three hours, only the very patient, very bored or very drunk can view any threads, and that's if they're lucky. Various theories have been proposed over the years to explain the lag. The prevailing theory at one point lay blame strictly with the ads on the page. Posters noticed in their status bar that the boards would often stop working when loading an image from "ad.doubleclick." However, this theory was finally disproved when Rick removed ads from the forums in spring 2006. (This dovetailed nicely with the problems Rick's ad company was having with the forums' content.) The only remaining explanation for the board lag concerns Rick's webhost. For one, it doesn't seem to be very good. Any time Rick experiences hosting problems and asks his webhost to correct them, the correction causes a much greater problem, resulting in Rick just asking the webhost to put things back the way they were and please stop fucking up absolutely everything. For another, it seems pretty clear that he's getting hosed. There's no provision in the contract with his webhost that says, "Your service for your message board � and not your main site � will completely fail for three hours per day, for which your bill will not be discounted." For all intents and purposes, they provide him with no service for three hours per day, and in exchange, Rick gives them money. See also: Ad Company Complaints.

A flame account created by poster NoNameRequired for the purpose of taunting then-OO Columnist Lee Filas. For a short while, the name convinced some OOsters that LeeF actually was Lee Filas, despite the fact that LeeF was criticizing Filas and that Filas had his own account already. (Sometimes OOsters don't read too carefully.) LeeF was also Troll Poster "HulkRulez." See also: HulkRulez, "Monday Recap", NoNameRequired and OOLee.

Lessons the Mods Have Learned
Poster loki started a thread in Parts Unknown about how he'd been going through old threads and noticed an exchange about moderating that made him realize how little he knew about what mod work entails. He then asked the Mods to share some backstage info. What he got was a response from ModPrime featuring some lessons that all the Mods had learned from working at OO. Amongst them, two stand out, especially for the purposes of this document. One � which sounds like it was cribbed from House � was, "Almost everyone banned or about to be banned lies." Examples relevant in this document would be Bemanisuperstar, Bud Ellock, DMMSuperstarSalazar, HulkRulez/Leef/NoNameRequired, (probably) George Banks, Golden Heat, Parvini, SpinningToeHold, The_Insider and TopTenPro. Two, "There's only about a 10% chance that anyone banned WON'T register again. The chance that someone who gets banned over a specific argument will come back and have that SAME ARGUMENT again at some point is about 100%." For references to that latter rule, pretty much consult everyone named above, save for SpinningToeHold (plagiarist) and Golden Heat (not coherent enough to form an argument).

The Line
An unofficial name for the COMMENTS ABOUT OO forum and its function as a line of demarcation between so-called on-topic forums (wrestling) and everything else. There have been many nicknames for the barrier between wrestling and the harsh intrusion of the real world that is the bottom half of the board, but this is the only one that's been repeated. Unfortunately, this post is the only one that comes to mind, as doing a search for "The Line" is about as selective as doing a search for "the." The longer posters are here, the more likely they are to go below the line and stay there or at least rarely venture above it. The people more likely to dwell exclusively over the line are new posters, diehard smarks and the rare excellent posters who stay involved in wrestling and leavening, irrelevant discussion. See also: Smarks.

Livin' Large in Southwest Ohio
One of the original forums named and created by The Rick. This forum had negligible traffic, except for people announcing that they had moved to the area or had just registered on the board and lived in the area. Eventually, wanting to be spared the annoyance of trolls, spammers and Shit Posters in the pre-mod era, Jeb started a thread called, "And -- with Digital -- You Can Smell the Clarity, Ted." Since virtually every other thread was being ruined by Shit Posters, he figured new posts in the low-traffic forum might go relatively unnoticed and unmolested. For a while, he was right; this thread went on to get more posts and views than the rest of the Ohio forum's threads put together before the Shit Posters found it. Its popularity as a refuge forum would probably have signaled the demise of the forum's original purpose, if the Great Board Wipe had not wiped away the nearly ten pages of responses to the thread. After the creation of the Mods, the "Livin' Large" forum threads were merged into relevant forums at the time, and the forum was deleted. See also: Forum Purges, Great Board Wipe and Shit Posters.


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In 2002, before the Mods were created, the Shit Posters Shithousepoet/Captian Mayhem (one person) and Ryan O Reily started threads and created polls with wild abandon. The point rarely seemed to have anything to do with soliciting and then tabulating comments or ideas. Instead, it seemed like another way to just post over and over without having to invest too taxing an amount of brainpower. One common post was the three-option poll. Shithousepoet or Captian Mayhem (the same person using two accounts) would make a poll with a question like, "is spongebob the best show ever?" and give only three options: yes, no, and "mabey." (Usually there was also a picture of Spongebob with his hand out, and Shithousepoet/Captian often added, "Your call.") The misspelling of "maybe" wasn't witty or ironic, because it was fairly obvious Shithousepoet and Captian Mayhem were collectively dumber than a bag of hammers. "Mabey" probably would have gone unnoticed if it weren't for the fact that they posted dozens of polls and misspelled maybe in the exact same way every single time. Eventually, other board members appropriated the mabey misspelling as a kind of ironic co-optation of the habits of the terrible posters who were shitting up the message board. The posters are gone, but the joke remains. Some older OOsters will insist that polls are "invalid" if they do not contain the mabey option; others don't care. While this was true a year or two ago, enough time has passed that it no longer really matters. Including it is a great way for newbies to show they're hip to board traditions, but it's by no means mandatory. Requiring new posters to mimic the behavior of negative posters banned by May 2003 is, in some ways, about as silly as asking strangers to determine the abstract quality of a show or a person via counting "yes," "no" and "mabey."

This was a forum created by The Rick when the forums were first established. You may see references to it in old posts. MARKING OUT posts were hard to distinguish from posts in other forums, since one could mark out about news, retro wrestling, a single wrestler, a single diva, or God knows what else. Most posters didn't know what hidden qualities made a thread about exciting news no longer fitting for news and instead the stuff of "marking out." Consequently, the forum saw occasional bursts of activity in one thread, then weeks of moribund abandonment. Shortly after the Software Update, the Mods persuaded Rick to let them consolidate the forums. MARKING OUT's threads were merged into existing forums in early 2003. See also: Forum Purges and Software Update.

He was a Canadian poster of no great intelligence whose screeds tended to be all over the map politically, so long as they expressed the cardinal principle of good government: i.e. "Whatever hassles Mcian in a completely minor or insignificant way is, in fact, a culture-destroying monster that must be stopped." Mcian's negative posting styles caught the attention of Canadian CE posters, who noticed that, following a trip to the United States, virtually every comment he made about Canadian society and politics involved mentioning their inherent inferiority to the U.S. This habit came to a head in his nutty rant about the heaviness of Canadian coins, where posters from all over the North American continent told him he was a loonbag ass.

Following this thread, almost any whiny rant from Mcian received a satirical reply that somehow related the topic to Canadian coins. Later, Mcian's temper got the better of him twice. First, after getting a snarky custom status (because of his oversized avatar), Mcian told the Mods, "Fuck off for the changing status asshole," hardly the wisest of tactics to embrace. Naturally, the Mods' first response was to change his custom status to "Changing Status Asshole." Incomprehensibly, Mcian then had the nerve to ask the Mods to change that status as well, prompting the ModDawg to zing back, "This ain't Burger King, pal!" It's perhaps this moronic name-calling/demanding conduct that contributed to his banning. What got him banned was, strictly speaking, not the direst of sins. Editing Ex Post Facto might attempt to pervert the board record, but most people see right through it when it happens. However, what incentive do volunteer moderators have to say "aw shucks" and laugh off a poster's deliberate attempt to distort the record when every time they tell him that he's made a mistake, he tells them to fuck off and calls them assholes? The board history offers countless obvious examples that when nice, intelligent posters make mistakes, the Mods say, "Shit happens"; but when assholes make mistakes, they get banned. Mcian personally witnessed dozens of these examples and managed to internalize none of them.

His second bilious eruption occurred in a thread about Kirk Cameron's brand of batshit insane Christianity, where he made an unintelligent comment, then edited it after multiple posters had replied to him, calling him on the wrongheaded comment. ModPrime temp-banned him for editing ex post facto, in a deliberate attempt to change the content so that it insulted other posters and made them look stupid for writing apparently nonsensical replies. Mcian steadfastly denied that he had done this, despite the fact that other posters and the Mod saw him do it in real-time. (This sort of pointless falsehood fuels the Mods' contention that "everybody lies," because here Mcian was doing it despite the lie's utter transparency.) Mcian then apparently threw a Mod-sassing temper tantrum in U2U that was severe enough that he was banned AND had his account hijacked so "he" could post a new thread explaining why he was banned. Despite his sworn loathing for the people on the board, Mcian registered as Omega just days later and racked up over 1,000 posts in a short time. However, he still felt entitled to the name "Mcian," despite its being justifiably banned. He was also still so fussy about the spelling and pronunciation of it that ModPrime let Kyle Maxwell hijack Mcian's account to explain how the name was spelled in a not-so-subtle signal that it was time to get over the banned account. It didn't work: he registered variations of the name Mcian on more than two occasions (two such accounts remain; others were deleted) and even demanded that the account be restored. His demand resulted in BTR and Jeb collaborating on two lists of insane absurdist demands of the board and the Mods. Omega later quit the board twice, returning each time as if nothing had happened. He trolled the mods and threw personal fits one time too many and was finally banned permanently.

Other notable Mcian facts: (1) Even with the hijacked-name thread and constant jokes about it, no one could figure out what "Mcian" meant. It could have been anything. Kyle assumed that it was a lazy uncapitalized last name, "McIan." Mcian responded so negatively and immaturely to the assumption that it practically became instantly standardized for use by all posters wanting to irk him. (2) For several months, he had an avatar of what was best described as a "Green Puke Alien," evidently taken from a graphic for a Canadian right-wing columnist. The avatar itself became hated by more than a few posters � to such an extent that people began equating Mcian with the Green Puke Alien, as if the alien were a photograph of him. (3) At the height of his Canadian coin-related hate, his avatar was changed to one of BTR's deliberately shitty-looking MSPaint avatars, the text of which read, "i m teh smart/coins? no!" It can still be seen in his profile. See also: Editing Ex Post Facto, Killer Canadian Coins, Lessons the Mods Have Learned and OO Kyle.

"Mind Bogglingly"
The last two words of a post by Firebreaker Chip that was so dumb it resulted in his banning from the NEWS forum, because his brain was not big enough to ride that ride. See also: CE.

Minor Board Wipes
Two (or possibly more) minor wipes from just after April 2003. Dates uncertain. These ultimately led Rick to update the board software. See also: Error: cannot open xmb_threads.MYT, Great Board Wipe, Jacked-Up Post Count, Shit Posters and Software Update.

The Mods
Technically a misnomer. ModSquad, ModSquad002, ModSquad003 and ModSquad004 are SuperAdministrators with the same board power as Rick Scaia. (All the same, no one calls them admins.) These include banning, IP banning, deleting posts, threads, avatars and sig files, granting custom statuses, editing others' posts, making bulletins, closing threads, creating/moving forums and changing forum names. For full personality profiles, you'll have to go to them on your own, but a quick glance shows that ModSquad and ModSquad004 are by far the most active, with ModSquad playing the role of stern disciplinarian and ModSquad004 the more fun-loving participant. ModSquads 002 and 003 are much quieter and less active, but if you do something to make them speak up, chances are they'll sound much more like ModSquad than ModSquad004. Moreover, since the Mods are such fixtures on the boards, they've all gotten nicknames over the years. Most veteran posters rarely refer to them by their proper names, instead using their numerals or nicknames. See below:
    ModSquad: ModPrime, Prime, or "The Angel of Death"
    ModSquad002: Has no nickname and prefers it that way. In fact, 002 doesn't even exist, and you never read this entry.
    ModSquad003: Tits McMod ModBitch
    ModSquad004: ModDawg, McGruff
Over time, certain personality traits have emerged to define the Mods a little more fully. While 002 prefers to keep quiet � and 003 really only jumps in, in the middle of a crisis � the ModDawg enjoys participating in the OOWF and goofing off, while ModPrime likes yelling at the soon-to-be-banned and helping posters set up new OO games or play practical jokes on each other. All the Mods hate Budweiser, the words "poop" and "insider" and anyone who asks for their phone numbers.

Mod History
Click here for a biblical, brief version of Mod History.
Click here for a more lighthearted, rock 'n' roll version of Mod History.
From December 2001 to January 2003, the OO board was basically an unregulated free-for-all. Poor and malicious posters abounded, mixed in with regular board denizens. In this climate of mixed quality, many veteran posters were elevated to the status of cult heroes for witty flames that sent idiots and trolls scurrying away. After a period of intense troll activity from November 2002-January 2003, in which Shit Posters, Troll Posters and general idiocy killed dozens of potentially good threads, Rick created ModSquad (a.k.a. ModPrime). Just a few days later in early February, Modsquad002 "debuted," on a mutual vote from Rick and ModPrime. (Since then, each new moderator has been approved by existing Mods, with Rick, Prime and 002 naming 003; and Rick, Prime, 002 and 003 naming 004.)

Prime and 002 had their work cut out for them. They were working before the Software Update, which meant they couldn't track IPs; registration was unrestrained, and accounts couldn't be edited for malicious content. More importantly, they were working as moderators for two of those months � not as admins. This meant that when a new shit poster registered, they couldn't ban him. They could only clean up after he was done. Both Prime and 002 logged dozens of days where each of them individually deleted over 100 threads or posts with pictures of shit in them. Then Rick promoted Prime and 002 to the rank of admins, enabling them to ban and delete accounts. Without the ability to check IPs, this doubtless led to the accidental banning or deletion of a few innocents, but it did help to staunch the flow of shit to OO. Finally, in May, 2003, Rick updated the board software, giving Prime and 002 the ability to edit accounts and track IPs and handle the posters head-on. The update also brought with it the vital "Delete All Posts from This User" option, as well as a flood control. Whereas previously, Shit Posters could post hundreds of pics in minutes, leaving 002 and Prime to spend an hour on cleanup, now each Shit Poster had to wait two minutes between posts, and the Mods could delete all offending material in ten seconds.

ModDawg and 003 joined the cause shortly after the update, and within weeks, Shit Posters were left with little more option but to register offensive names with offensive profile pics, and get banned and/or deleted before even making a post. IP tracking also enabled the Mods to "out" Bud Ellock/#tcb in his newest incarnations, and thus both the Shit Posters and Troll Posters were virtually eradicated from the board in the same short span. Since then, the tenure of the Mods at OO has cycled from benign neglect to benign abuse, to fake abuse, to some genuine abuse, to ModPrime policing minor matters like av-size while 004 plays games in the trivia forum and posts in the OOWF sub-forum. The Mod Bitch and 002 mostly lurk. See also: Shit Posters, Software Update and Troll Posters.

An epithet originated by The_Insider and usually hurled at ModPrime by someone who is usually either (a) being punished for obvious board infractions or (b) complaining about having had his previous account unjustly banned. The usage is typically unintentionally funny, as whomever is railing at "ModGod" isn't even subtly being a moron anymore. ModPrime has said that anyone seriously using the term is practically demanding a banning. Other posters now often use the term for comedic purposes. See also: The_Insider.

ModSquads 6-20
Non-admin accounts originally registered by the Shit Posters for the purposes of confusing or harassing other board members. The idea was that these fake moderators would boss around or threaten board members in good standing and make them jump through hoops for the sake of amusement, thrills, power, etc. Though a few people were fooled once or twice, the ploy failed, and all the other ModSquads are mostly forgotten. See also: Shit Posters.

"Monday Recap"
Arguably the worst or � depending on your yen for schadenfreude � the best thread in OO history, "Monday Recap" began as a complaint about yet another writing hiatus by "Squared Circle Jerk" columnist Lee Filas. The thread began with two legitimate complaints, then segued into trolling complaints by Brett and LeeF. (LeeF was a flame account named for Filas.) LeeF posted a complaint, then turned around and posted supposedly as Lee Filas. While this legitimately confused a few posters, most saw through it immediately. One such poster was Jeb, who responded with a nasty flame post, doing so for the first time in his posting history and producing the now hysterically inapt post of shock from Eli, in which he mentioned the loss of the "composure [Jeb was] so known for." The thread then erupted into a free-for-all of flames, with Brett and LeeF (and later duplicate troll accounts "LeeF's Mom" and "LeeF's Dad") firing off replies to a rightly aggrieved coalition of: Jeb, Timmy, Bonestein, Salmonjunkie and 2HoT. Joining them, surprisingly, were Eli and OOLee � who had previously been at each others throats � proving that hatred of idiocy can bring pretty much any two people together.

The sheer magnitude of the idiocy in some of the posts and duplicate accounts in this thread is responsible, more than any other single factor, for the hard push for moderators that many board members subsequently made. After all, if one idiot could generate a six-page abortion such as this and impersonate a columnist, what could a group of trollers accomplish? (OO was about to find out in the form of the Shit Posters.) The stupidity continued apace for nearly five pages, finally reaching a point where LeeF was crowing about how much more money he made than everyone else and demanding that Filas scan and post a copy of his W2 form to prove that he earned enough money to make him a successful man in LeeF's eyes. Then, abruptly, cosmic justice intervened, and everything fell apart. NoNameRequired, who was never considered a bad poster, outed himself by posting as LeeF, effectively bringing an end to the thread and the usefulness of both the LeeF and NoNameRequired accounts. After the Mods were created, it was established that LeeF/NoNameRequired was also HulkRulez and TigerChungLee. Brett, who was mistaken for another account of LeeF's, was actually a different person, but the Mods banned him anyway for being a racist piece of shit. See also: HulkRulez, LeeF, The Mods OOLee, TigerChungLee and Troll Posters.

"Moves Mark Henry Can Do"
A mega-list thread that began as Madiq's honest attempt to come up with a roster of moves that could make Mark Henry look as good as possible in an upcoming match. Madiq was being sincere, but the thread soon gave way to a list of outlandish shit simply because it was fun to write totally outlandish shit. While some posters might well have been airing their smark grievances by posting moves that Mark Henry could not possibly do (or would never bother to learn), most people gave into a kind of gleeful inanity. The thread soon blossomed into an over 1,000-entry list of various real and fictitious moves, album names, absurdities, and dozens upon dozens of citations of the ARMBAR. While many of the entries qualify as inspired hilarity, many more of them fall far short of the mark. (Some people were posting just for the sake of posting something.) Still, there are plenty of subtle treats to be found, such as Outback Jack's listing "push" and "shove" as two different moves � a fantastic, almost whispered blast at Henry's obvious one-dimensionality. It's worth a quick scan, especially at a moment when you're predisposed to read the word ARMBAR a lot. See also: ARMBAR and Smarks.

A kind of "super forum," MOVIES, TV and BOOKS was created to remove two very slow forums while providing a one-stop shop for easy browsing, for OOsters, and easy moderating for the Mods. Way back in the heady days of aught four, OO's content below The Line was a little stagnant. While the TV forum would get weekly boosts from discussion of American Idol or 24, it otherwise languished the rest of the week. MOVIES fared a little better, because new releases would generate prerelease discussions, box-office discussions and often spin-off discussions regarding the source novels, TV shows or comic books. Saddest of all was poor BOOKS, which in two years and nearly three months had produced 32 threads, with less than 100 posts. From a post-count perspective, the entire forum was less than one-half as popular as the "WHO BEAT DEBRA" thread in its heyday. As a result, the Mods merged the three forums, provoking an initial public outcry. Posters saw in the merger the ruination of all three forums and an ensuing confusion and loss of important discussions. Luckily, none of the shortcomings foreseen by posters have come true. In fact, often-volatile poster OO Kyle was not only the voice of reason in the merger-announcement thread but turned out to be most prescient of all. Not only did he correctly adduce that the Mods favored the merger for timesaving and convenient moderation, but he rightly predicted that most people would like the merger and soon forget the board looked any other way. See also: Forum Mergers and The Line.

My Post Count Is One Higher
A derisive reply used to indicate that the previous or quoted post was so worthless that it contributed nothing more to the board than the elevation of one person's post count. The reply is generally used: in spam-heavy threads, in cases where a post was less than a sentence, when someone is obviously posting to increase their post count � or when, between someone reading a post and their typing a reply, it's clear that their brain performed no intervening function. See also: I Microplay.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:43 PM Edit Post

See: I_Am_Always_Right.

New Chat Room
In Summer 2005, OOsters got a new chat room, despite almost all of them not actually wanting one. Veteran poster FusionFistCutter hated the old Java chat and demanded a new one because he suffered chat freezes and lag times after updating Java on his computer. Poster Lorey Mysterio had similar troubles. Neither person's problems were a big deal, really. For one thing, it made basic utilitarian sense to tell FFC to tweak one browser program so that it accomodated the chat room, rather than discard and replace the whole chat room to accomodate FFC's unwillingness to tweak Internet Explorer. For another, the fusty old Java chat had always responded quirkily at times: taking forever to load, freezing for a minute, lagging for no particular reason, closing chat channels and kicking everyone out. The problems were neither new nor critical.

The thing was, the problems happened to everybody, and everyone had long since gotten used to it. The chat was a fussy old piece of shit, but it was our piece of shit, and we liked it, goddamnit. (Except FFC.) Besides, the chat room was fussy, but fair. If it seemed to persecute you especially one week, it would be fine the next; and instead, some other poor bastard would be having trouble with it. Its crankiness was and is sort of charming, in fact. The only thing it ever did to really annoy people was refuse to work for a few days, but it had only done that twice over the previous three years. Unfortunately, right as FFC raised his cry for a new chat room � and for eleven wing�d cherubs to bring him a peeled grape on a Sterling silver salver � the old chat decided to crap out for over a week. Thus, despite being in the overwhelming minority, FFC got his wish, and Rick updated the chat links on the board to send posters to the new chat room.

The new chat offers some distinct advantages. One, users can copy text, post hyperlinks and copy and paste the whole chat, for posterity. Two, chatters can read several hundred lines of chat that preceded their entry into the chat room. As such, if they wander into an interesting conversation, they can go back and see how it started. Three, it has a smilie where you can blow away someone else with a revolver. (Some would argue that the fuck-off-and-die smilie is the only good thing about the new chat.) But its disadvantages are also notable. For one, the defaults make text scroll upward, which is like the internet equivalent of suddenly finding everything written in Hebrew. For another, the page is set to refresh every few seconds, and its refresh time is incredibly slow if you happen to be doing anything else on your computer: with the defaults set as they are, one can literally spend as much time refreshing the chat as reading it. (What this means in plain terms is that you spend as much time not reading the chat as you do reading it.) Finally, chatters IP addresses aren't listed, which means that � as was the case with TopTenPro and Erin Anderson � impersonation is easy, and there are no means of verifying that who you're talking to is who he or she claims to be. One way around this is to register and password protect your name. Unfortunately, many posters had done so a year before � when Rick had board members experiment with the new chat room's software � and then misplaced or forgotten their passwords, meaning they couldn't even participate in chat as themselves.

After a few weeks of frustration with the new chat room, a few veteran OOsters who had the old chat room bookmarked discovered that it was back up and running. However, it was Operation Retard who steadfastly refused to bow to the new order. He placed the old chat room link in his sig, devised a "VOTE NO ON PHP [New] CHAT" avatar (that called back to his old "VOTE NO ON THE CURLING THREAD" av) and started posting Raw Chat threads, complete with a link to the old chat room, hours before the show. The exodus was swift and almost total. The new chat room has seen occasional use, usually by newbies who don't know how to locate the old one. For the most part, few people miss it. Even FFC, who so stridently called for its adoption, managed to fix his Java update and now can use the old chat room without the slightest headache � well, aside from the usual. See also: Chat Room History, The Curling Thread, Erin Anderson and TopTenPro.

See: CE.

One of the less-trollish incarnations of HulkRulez/LeeF/etc. He was generally considered a not-awful poster until he comically outed himself in the "Monday Recap" thread. See also: HulkRulez, LeeF, "Monday Recap," TigerChungLee and Troll Posters.

No Sig Images
Although it is now against the rules to have a photo in your signature file, that rule exists in de jure form because it existed in de facto form for years. Nobody knows why OOsters as a whole opted almost universally to forego putting giant-ass photos of wrestlers, their dogs or the Yeti right underneath the words they'd written, but it may be unique among pro-wrestling message boards. Exceptions to the "no sig images" rule can be made upon request of the Mods. For instance, Operation Retard had a scrolling flash image in his sig file for weeks. This led to a potential exception to the sig-photo rule, which is (reworded), "Anyone may have a sig image without permission as long as it's less than 10k and smaller than one line of 12-point text," which were the dimensions of Optard's sig image. So far no one has had the nerve to figure out if the Mods were serious about this. Other exceptions to the no-sig-pic rule have been made on exceptional occasions. For instance, following the death of Stu Hart, veteran poster Bigfatgoalie kept a very small picture of Stu in his sig file. However, the image was deleted by the Mods when it wasn't removed weeks later, upon request. BFG quit the board partially in protest over his sig image.

Although the issue that precipitated his quitting was allegedly the impolite language from the Mod who told BFG to remove the sig image, it's far likelier that it was the straw that broke BFG's back, after months of trolling posts from Bonestein and flames from sundry others. Nevertheless, the potential ill-feeling so clearly engendered by his proprietary attitude toward such a small and disposable image (avatars fit in this group too) probably suggests that the headaches resulting from not having sig images at all are a lot less than those that would result from having them under certain conditions. With avatars only, posters still manage to forget the basic board rules, get upset when penalized for breaking them and also get really attached to the images themselves. The prospect of doubling that same set of worries by adding a limited sig-image feature would create dozens of new headaches and hurt feelings. From a sheer efficiency standard, despite the fact that the majority of OOsters have broadband access, there is still a sizable contingent of users stuck with dial-up. Loading a page with 25 different 50k avatars is already time-consuming; adding 25 sig images up to 50k would be a hardship for all of them. See also: Avatars, General Incompetence Avatar and "I Quit" Threads.


View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Member
I'm a gigantic brain!

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Registered 8-6-2006
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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:43 PM Edit Post

See: Mcian.

OO Kyle
Kyle Maxwell's divisive and incendiary board personality was a study in opposites. In one thread he could be mature, sage and witty; he could talk with candor and humor about growing up Mormon or raising his daughters. Then, in the thread below, he could swap incisive wit for the cudgel, humor for browbeating. Kyle could detect hypocrisy, hauteur and presumption very easily in IWC writers, and he rightfully � and, to some, hilariously � lampooned and ridiculed them. (His Simpsons Smarkies column is still a classic.) Yet in CE and wrestling threads, Kyle unironically used many of the misshapen tools he criticized others for employing. And while no one is perfectly consistent from post to post, you didn't know which Kyle you were going to get next. Would it be the emotionally honest poster? The funny and caustic observer? The intellectually curious guy? The absolutist and morally tendentious shouter? Previous goodwill was no indicator of the future; probably only Chreteinbabacool escaped Kyle's Quixotic wrath. He and Rasslinjunkie could find themselves in moral harmony in one topic, then clash explosively in another. He and Operation Retard went from combative, to jokingly adversarial, back to combative. Jeb, a huge fan of The Smarkies, who defended Kyle pretty much from day one, nevertheless butted heads with him repeatedly.

The pitched battles weren't as bad as all that. Despite his volatility, it should be noted that unlike many posters, Kyle frequently did two things to alleviate his abrasiveness:
1. He frequently took breaks from the boards, to let himself and others cool down after a heated exchange. Unlike many CE posters, he didn't suffer from ad nauseum Last Word Syndrome. If he did, his condition was benign compared to the mortal condition that afflicts about a dozen CE posters.
2. While he might have been quick to set bridges ablaze, he frequently used U2Us to repair them. To some, this may seem cowardly: to attack in public and apologize in private, but if anything, the privacy probably enabled Kyle to be more forthright. Many CE posters never apologize or give any ground at all. Kyle readily apologized for his temper, his choice of words or even his whole argument. He also used U2Us to praise others who he might have earlier criticized. In part, this was just an extension of the culture of "What happens in CE stays in CE," but while some people just check issues at the door when they leave that forum, he not only did that but also became freer with his compliments.

Providing specific links to funny or notorious threads, here, would be especially time-consuming or a little depressing. (They might also be futile. Those who knew Kyle and disliked him are in many cases almost determined to dislike him, and no amount of citing good posts will change that.) Those curious about him should just do a board search for a random term, under his name, and go hunting themselves. Chances are they will find humor and rancor, with the former outweighing the latter by a healthy, but not large, degree. Individual hunting and sheer happenstance will do more to express the various moods Kyle offered in his over-2,000 responses and ideas. For all the outbursts and disagreements, most of those experiences were still good ones. Still, a few brief stories should be told.

Kyle registered at OO, in January 2002, as his Wienerboard/ITVR name, Y Pac. However, he switched to KyleMax by September of that year, probably because he forgot his password. (Prior to the Software Update, it was next to impossible to get your password reset and sent to you.) His posting under this name was fairly uneventful until shortly before he abandoned it for OO Kyle, when Bonestein flamed him, calling the Smarkies the "most useless column in the universe" because "He can't form opinions for himself, so he just picks apart other people's shit." (Retrospectively, this is a bit rich when you consider probably 1,000 of Bones' posts consist of picking apart other people's shit � usually Bigfatgoalie's � and that's only if you define "picking apart" as meaning "hitting it with a mallet over and over.") Where the intense hostility came from is a mystery, but it resurfaced when Kyle returned as OO Kyle. He must have noticed the comments Bonestein had addressed months earlier to KyleMax, because he featured Bonestein's flames in a column. Then, after Bonestein informed the board that he had "reported" The Big Shit � to try to get him to stop posting � Kyle remarked that it was ironic that a guy whose "vocabulary is composed primarily of the words 'shit' and 'fuck'" would report anyone else's posting. Despite the fact that Bones had initially lowered the discourse to the vituperative level and despite the fact that Kyle actually did have a point (if Bones' posts weren't funny on a regular enough basis, it's hard to see what would distinguish him from a troll), Kyle's having the audacity to fire back was evidently too much. Bones announced that he would "type up [his] thoughts on this week's crapfest that you call 'the Smarkies.'" Oddly, his typing out his criticisms seemed to disperse most of the energy on the issue. While Kyle and Bones both fired off additional shots, both settled down to mutually grousing about the other, with only occasional flare ups. In many ways, it was a typical board d�tente. Over a year later, Bones was announcing Kyle's best post ever and doing it sincerely.

The next significant event in Kyle's history here was his walkout. Following a misunderstanding over a deleted thread, he posted an "I Quit" thread, which escaped deletion because of the number of responses it got before the Mods caught it and also because, as ModSquad explained, it really was a simple misunderstanding. After getting raked over the coals by FFC, ModPrime fired back while expressing his confusion about Kyle's quitting. As he explained it, he and Kyle were on good terms. In point of fact, letting Kyle hijack Mcian's account and Kyle's comment that he had "a deep and abiding love for the NAZI COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER known as ModPrime" argued heavily against Prime being out to get him and made any suspicions of persecution a mystery. In the six months following his "I Quit" thread, Kyle posted 13 more times and never explained the walkout. Then came the final thread.

During that six-month span, some OOsters had been steadily needling Kyle about his "quitting," then coming back just a few weeks later. The needling extended into areas where he was known to be prickly: the greatness (or lack thereof) of The Shawshank Redemption in particular. It was enough that Kyle lost his temper and began using U2U to tell the repeat offenders to fuck off. In response, Bonestein and Salmonjunkie (who had both been egged on by several others), posted some of the U2Us, and the dogpile was on. Retrospectively, it was extremely tacky, but so were Kyle's U2Us and his posts that inspired others' egging him on. The thread itself makes pretty much everyone look like an asshole. If there is a good guy in the story, it's certainly not Jeb, Chris Is Good or BFG, who dropped into a thread that didn't concern them to moralize tediously about sins they'd themselves liberally committed in the past. Nor is it Bones, whose hard-on for making fun of Kyle lasted only a year less than his hard-on for making fun of BFG. Nor was it Kyle, for whom, ultimately, all the "On second thought, I'm an idiot" U2Us couldn't repair so many bridges burnt. Of anyone, it's probably Salmonjunkie, who genuinely had to be pushed to the extremity of his patience to dislike Kyle that much for an extended period of time. After almost everyone's two cents, Kyle said, "Jeb, you once told me something very wise: basically, you said that nobody ever held silence against a person. Lord, I wish I'd taken your advice," and he hasn't posted since. See also: The Big Shit, Bonestein vs. Bigfatgoalie, CE, "I Quit" Threads and Mcian.

"OO WrestleMania"
Sometime between December 2002 and April 2003, forum regular Bigfatgoalie proposed an "OO WrestleMania" amongst various quibbling, feuding or joking factions on the OO board. Some members got into character, proposed different kinds of wrestling confrontations and cut promos on their opponents; some merely sat back to wait to see what happened to their characters; other OOWM participants (Shit Posters) were chosen just so BFG could see them get beat up. BFG then posted the results of the fantasy pay-per-view, complete with detailed moves, countermoves and pre- and post-match shenanigans. All records of this pay-per-view were lost due to the Great Board Wipe, but rediscovered on the Shit Posters' Message Board. BFG then reposted it in the thread linked to above. In all, "OO WrestleMania" was a kind of a prefigurement of the OOWF. See also: Great Board Wipe, OOWF, Shit Posters and Shit Posters' Message Board.

The board handle of former "Squared Circle Jerk" columnist Lee Filas. Despite a relatively short stint of active posting, Filas found himself embroiled or � probably to his way of thinking � dragged into two major board squabbles. The first involved veteran poster Eli, who said "good riddance" to Filas' allegedly quitting his recap column over Eric Bischoff's debut on RAW. Filas then disclosed in a following column that, no, he wasn't actually quitting his column because of Bischoff; that had been a joke. However, now he really was quitting because of negative and alienating feedback from readers and message board posters; he then singled out Eli. At the time, the gesture seemed contrived. Filas' column had suffered from a sort of publishus interruptus in the past, and his sudden declaration could easily be read as someone wanting to exploit a WWE development and a feedback development in such a way that excused him from writing regularly about the show, while also giving himself new-column fodder in the form of writing about his columns' reception.

It might have been a good column-padding tactic, had Filas engaged his critics and his own writing honestly and with respect. Instead, he addressed Eli's comments by falling back on the internet wrestling columnist clich� that "anyone who disagrees with you must necessarily want to be you because, invariably, they themselves are fat, over 30/40 and still living in some parent's (usually "mom's") below-ground dwelling (basement, cellar, wood-paneled rec-room)." It's a lazy, worthless and entirely unpersuasive argument, and it was all Filas offered. Eli then called him on his uncivil tone, sparking an exchange that did not reflect well on Filas. Specifically, Filas' biggest "winning" point was that he was a "journalist," while Eli was some pathetic kid on a message board. The assertion would have had substance if Filas had backed it up with anything. Naturally, he didn't. More pointedly: he couldn't. That's because he and Eli were almost the same age (negating the whole "kid" thing), and also because Eli was also a journalist. Eli showed remarkable restraint in not providing a welter of links and shoving Filas' ignorance down his own throat. Even if he hadn't, Filas was in for a bigger problem.

Together with his frequent hiatuses from writing his weekly column, this exchange on the board fueled LeeF's later trolling of the "Monday Recap" thread. It was probably the stupidest single thread in board history, but it occupied Filas' time for days and, regardless of the accidental resolution, made him seem a bit feeble in replies to hapless trolls (at least with regard to his earlier claims of writerly superiority). After that flap died down, Filas practically stopped posting and writing entirely. Although some posts might have been lost to the Great Board Wipe, and although he has one 2003 post, he effectively disappeared for three years, reappearing in December 2005 to post four times before disappearing again. Oddly enough, his first comment upon returning was, Man - I missed you guys." See also: Great Board Wipe, LeeF and "Monday Recap."

OOMike was doomed to be mistaken for someone else, because of his name and also because he was the first ModSquad003. The second person ever to register on these boards, Mike took his cue from Rick's name (OORick) and registered as "OOMike." From that day forward, he had to reply to repeated questions as to whether he was former WrestleLine columnist Mike Samuda. The fact that he took the "OO" preface to his name, combined with his registering second, suggested to many that he must have been a fellow columnist and friend of Rick's. Despite having every reason to get sick of answering the same question over and over, Mike never lost patience with it. His good nature, combined with his long board memory, prompted ModPrime and 002 to tap him for the ModSquad003 position. Mike slogged through the worst of the Shit Poster onslaught before the Software Update. Alongside Prime and 002, he suffered the 100-shit-post days, taking the time to isolate and delete each individual picture.

Sometime during his intensive OO-related Mod work, Mike was censured by his bosses for spending too much time online and for viewing inessential web sites. He shrugged it off and continued to devote great stores of time to keeping OO a pleasant place for others to visit. Mike was later fired from his job for his visitation of inessential sites. While he surely could have spent less time at OO � and freely admitted that he spent time at more questionable sites that his bosses knew about, one of which was Maxim � a small part of what cost him his job was probably his commitment to OO. To be sure, part of that commitment was selfish: he was having fun here. Nevertheless, one cannot discount the selflessness he brought to protecting the site and its readers. No one would willingly spend hours per day looking at chunks of shit floating in a bowl because it was fun; nor would anyone read the same list of spoilers over and over and hope to enjoy the show after memorizing everything that happened. Mike cared about OO and worked hard for it. After his termination, he took time off from the boards � in which span Prime and 002 reluctantly replaced him � and returned for a brief period. His wife even posted for a short while. Still, whatever zest he had for OO was gone, and he stopped visiting the forums in mid-2004. He is fondly remembered and deeply, deeply missed by the Mods. See also: Mod History, Shit Posters and Software Update.

"OO's Six Degrees of Federation"
The longest thread in OO history (as of 2006) was started on a lark by MrJustinB in June 2003. The concept was to make a wrestling thread similar to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon � the game where you attempt to connect any actor or actress to Kevin Bacon within six steps. Retrospectively, it's not surprising that the game and thread became so popular, but at the time it was pretty astounding to see it swell in size so rapidly. The concept is simple: connect any wrestler to any other wrestler within six steps at most (meaning you can name up to seven wrestlers). The only rules are that you can't use Hulk Hogan as a connector; you can't use family as a connection, unless the family members wrestled in a match (you can't just say, "And X was the grandson of Y"); and you can't present a new connection until you solve an existing one. In its nearly three years of existence, the thread has grown to nearly 100 pages, 2,500 replies and over 20,000 page views. It is the definitive OO mega-thread. See also: "The 'Fuck' List" and "Top Five of Anything."

General and predominant term for members of the OO board, which can be pronounced "Ooooh-sters," "Oh-Oh-sters" and "Double-Oh-sters," whichever the reader prefers. (For the record, this encyclopedia thinks "Oh-Oh-sters" sounds the least lame when said out loud.) The term "pOOsters" comes in a distant second, probably because, no matter how one tries to dress it up, it reads as if board members are somehow composed of "poo."

The OOWF is a fantasy federation started by Ecosystem on September 9, 2004, in the seldom used BOOK IT YOURSELF (now, FANTASY BOOKING) forum. It proved to be such a factor in the activity of that forum that it was given its own subforum within a few months. The OOWF's idea was simple: create characters for a fantasy wrestling federation, and once enough people joined, hold wrestling cards roughly once per week. It was an immediate hit and got several board members to sign up within the first few days. The first OOWF card was held around September 29, but because of a board crash, the actual thread has been lost. Ecosystem continued running the OOWF until December 2004. By then, his schedule was too crowded for him to devote enough attention to it, and Mooseheadjack took over booking and writing duties.

At that time, the schedule for cards became more set; their previous posting schedule had been a bit more random. After December, the current format of one "MidWeek Mayhem" on a Wednesday, and one "Pay Per View" the last Sunday of the month was standardized. (The OOWF also has its WrestleMania of sorts; on the last Sunday in September it celebrates its anniversary. September 2005 marked one year of the OOWF.) The fed's premise is simple: you create a character generally based on someone that is or was a pro wrestler, just so the bookers and other participants have a mental picture as they write matches, vignettes or promos that involve your character. From there, you write promos for your character, helping to define him and move along the feuds that the "booker" has set up for you. Much like actual wrestling, the better defined your character is, the more of a push you get. A handful of members write the matches: the booker sends the match and its result out on Thursday, and the writers provide the action leading to the finish. Everything is sent back by Tuesday or Wednesday the following week, and the MidWeek Mayhem is put together and posted.

The most important contributor to the success of the OOWF is participation, creating a character and then developing him. Nothing is worse than creating a great character, then doing nothing with him. Promo participation is also critical, as it generates great ideas for feuds, angles and matches. The OOWF is an extremely welcoming part of the OO community, always open to new members, ideas and criticisms. Moreover, despite the perception of non-OOWF'ers that the fed is "weird" (and booker Mooseheadjack happily admits that it is) and a minor issue about large OOWF-stat-filled sig files in 2005, the fed is extremely mindful of others' lack of interest in OOWF issues and participation. In all, the OOWF provides high-content and high-interactivity fun for a few dozen board members while also preserving something special and unique to message boards: a healthy, respectful and excellent relationship with posters who do not share its interests.

Operation Pajama Pants
Veteran poster Operation Retard was in the Chat Room one Monday night just as he was nearing his 1,000th post on the boards and wondering what sort of fun thing he could do for a Post Count Celebration. It was another bizarre night in the chat room, with chatters changing their names multiple times in accordance with whatever joke was dominating discussion at the moment. Playing along, Optard changed his name to Operation Pajama Pants and suddenly knew what to do for his celebration. Upon hitting 1,000 posts, he'd open a new account and start over. Thus, after 1000 posts as Optard, he became "Opjammies." Operation Pajama Pants posted 1,000 times, and Opjammies switched back to being Optard. Upon reaching 2,000 posts as Operation Retard, Optard had the Mods zero out Opjammies' posts and add them to Optard's, giving him 3,000 posts. Thus, if you look at either account of his, his post count is both perfectly authentic and 100% incorrect. See also: Chat Room History, Post Count Celebration and Zeroed Out Post Count.

A sign held at ringside by columnist Erin Anderson during a RAW taping. The sign was a reference to the three columns Jeb devoted to his belief that Randy Orton was pretty much complete excrement � and also to the shared belief of many posters that Jeb was right at the time. Other board members displayed similar signs at RAW and Smackdown! tapings, amounting to perhaps ten separate instances. The statement occasionally recurs in board posts, but its heyday is otherwise long over. Additional caps of "ORTON FEARS JEB," as well as Ric Flair groping Erin Anderson, RJ's rack-pointing, "BFG is a douchebag" and "Needs More Kane" can be seen at Rick's Signage Archive. See also: Erin Anderson, "BFG is a douchebag" and The Rack.

Orton Fangurl Invasion
At the end of his "Randy Orton III: Revenge of the (F)E-Mail" column � a response to the drooling vacuity exhibited in dozens of abusive emails from Orton fans � Jeb printed a link to the official Randy Orton fan site message board. He dedicated the column to his "special friends" on that board, and the link directed readers to page nine of a long thread of rabid, misspelt vituperation. It was one of the longest in that board's history (at that point), spanning many months of indignation at Jeb's several Orton-related columns and filled with speculation about how Jeb was probably a gay homo gay-gay who gayed his life in a gay basement writing gay letters to Rangay Orton. (Note: they didn't call Orton "Rangay." In fact, they didn't even seem to call him Randy, unless OMG#!RandEE!!! is a common spelling.) Jeb's inclusion of the message-board link meant to show the general level of discourse [note: that link features a quote of one of Jeb's columns plagiarized by "Aerosion" at WrestlingNewsWorld] engaged in by the sort of people writing furiously deranged emails about his subhuman intelligence.

However, two posts into the OO thread responding to Jeb's column, his inclusion of the link to the Orton board opened the door for an "Orton Fangurl board" invasion. (The "Fangurl" misspelling is an homage to the kind of self-celebrating ignorance inherent in internet demonstrations of Grrl/Gurl Power, examples of which could probably be found on any randomly selected middle-school girl's MySpace page and which can be found in abundance on the Orton board.) Veteran curmudgeon Markout was the first to venture over and bait the fangurls. Within a few posts, Canadian Bulldog hit on the idea of a faux board invasion by the OOwO. The idea could have been 100% hilarious and mostly innocuous, but since Jeb couldn't be sure who would go over there or what they would post, he saw too much potential for the sort of hateful trolling that we rail against here and thus asked that the invasion try to be tastefully clever and not part of a "war." (Jeb did register and post there two or three times, as Larry Darryl Darryl, which spawned the "Who wants cod?" joke.) Shortly thereafter, Folby started a thread in the COMMENTS ABOUT OTHER SITES/WRITERS forum about the Orton Fangurl board and how he planned to troll them with logic. It was an inspired strategy: surprise, after all, is half the battle.

Most OOwO "members" were fairly tame, never approaching the kind of trolling that once beset OO. In sincere imitation of the massive sig images of most posters over there, Angstboy included in his sig file a giant picture-medley of Orton pinning several people (and getting pinned in one shot) along with the words "PEEK PERFORMANCE." Other OOsters absurdly combined serious social commentary with serious butchery of English in expressions like, "NO Bloid foir O1l, muthafsckaz!" Unfortunately, the parody posting bore with it a little too much nastiness. The underlying basis for all the jokes was, after all, "You're all idiots." Fifteen new threads over there on the subject didn't help anyone look on the "invasion" as merely a minor irritant. By early afternoon on the second day, Folby gave up on the whole thing as a little too cruel, followed by an affecting display of empathy from Borntorun. Still other invaders � including Markout � expressed their remorse in the Chat Room on the following Monday. More amazingly, The Rick later revealed to Jeb, via email, that it was he who had first registered at the Orton board to post a link to Jeb's "Orton III" column, thus proving that even our vaunted leaders like mischief.

Just as things had wound down, a member of the Orton board, Christina, registered to post a shaming reply. Christina echoed what a few of the "invaders" had discovered from reading the Orton board: that the moderation and policing of the board was horribly inadequate from either a structural or a personnel standpoint, and the response to any massive flaming, trolling or spamming was to shut down the whole board. Both ModPrime and LuckyLopez apologized to Christina and welcomed her to OO. Also, both of them pointed out that whatever problems the "invaders" posed, they were dwarfed by the preexisting flaming, spamming and trolling problems that dominated many of their threads. Several days later, another Orton board member, LuvinRKO posted an "I hope you got that out of your system, guys" comment, which elicited an apology from Jeb. Had everyone not already agreed that the joke had been carried too far and been a little too negative, both Christina and LuvinRKO probably would have inspired that feeling just by how well they posted, giving a lesson in character by example. Both were intelligent, patient and forgiving, and LuvinRKO even had a decent sense of humor about Orton. Thus concluded the first and only OO invasion of another board. Some time in late 2005, the moderators of the Orton Fangurl board deleted all threads related to OnlineOnslaught, the OOwO invasion and Jeb (except for two linked above, one of which is a plagiarism � and in any case both were written at a different time). The only OOwO-inspired thread that survived the purge was this one, which must have been overlooked. See also: Chat Room History, JTL Fan Forum and "Who wants cod?"

Owner of the First Ever Intercontinental Title Belt
A claim made in the sig and the posts of board member Microplay_24. He does not own the first ever Intercontinental Title Belt. Nor does he own the first ever replica of the same � because it's not a replica, because it's a handmade replica, which makes it not a replica, but it isn't even the first anyway. Nor is it the only kind of handmade not-a-replica replica of the first ever Intercontinental Title. In fact, no part of his assertion is true without an incredible degree of semantic twister. But it's fun to ask him about it. Especially since he spent $6,000 on it and doesn't have a job. See also: I Microplay and My Post Count Is One Higher.


View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Member
I'm a gigantic brain!

Posts 100
Registered 8-6-2006
Member Is Offline

Mood: Greetest

posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

Parody Accounts
New user accounts registered by active users to parody, satirize or criticize unusual behavior, new members or general stupidity. Probably the most famous instance is that of The_Real_Insider and Deep_Insider mimicking and ridiculing The_Insider's know-it-all behind-the-scenes pomposity about wrestling. While some people find these accounts hilarious, others find them deeply annoying, in part because decent satire is sometimes indistinguishable from its target and in part because sometimes parody accounts are just not funny enough. See also: Brocksucks and The_Insider.

Parts Unknown
The second-most-popular forum on the board (after CURRENT WRESTLING), with unspecified content. Threads in Parts Unknown are never closed unless they were closed and moved from another forum, were closed because of overwhelming stupidity, because they provided content duplicated by a preexisting open thread (usually amusing links), or because they became too large and unwieldy for the Mods. Pretty much anything is appropriate in Parts Unknown unless it obviously belongs in another forum, duplicates content from an open thread, breaks a board rule or is stupid in some way. If you see a closed thread in this forum, chances are it's a duplicate of other content or a bad thread. See also: Closed Threads and The Graveyard.

Parvini was a poster who appeared one day in the lovely spring of 2004, when cherry blossoms were lining the streets of America's capital, when young women in northern states were preparing sweatered breasts for warm-weather deployment, and when most of the board would have been happy without yet another "let me so subtly indicate my total intellectual mastery to you all" poster arriving from God Knows Where. God Knows Where, in this case, was England, and Parvini was actually Neema Parvini, an Oxford student of Indian descent and a total wankus fuckbag, as this picture indicated. (Note, this picture was not available when he arrived on the boards. It was only discovered when he reregistered in June of 2005 and left a link in his profile to his "realms" � the name for the individual topic sections on his personal webpage, possibly the shittiest personal webpage not hosted by AOL, Angelfire or Geocities.)

Parvini actually posted fairly tolerably for a while, but certain traits started to emerge in a short span of time.
1. He had an almost preternatural hard-on for Ted Dibiase, to such an extent that the "Million Dollar Dream" was probably a name he'd given for a masturbation technique that he'd personally developed with a special kind of glove.
2. He posted almost exclusively in the current and retro wrestling forums (more often the latter), obsessively posting lists of questions and "discussion topics."
3. He tended to moderate the discussion within his own threads. He'd ask questions and then, after receiving a reply, make remarks like, "Good response there, good points, but we need to focus here and address these points. Also, follow-up questions for you...." It was effectively like trolling his own threads, bumping them to the top to elicit more responses while also making sure that each respondent knew that his responses were insufficient and required further intellectual exploration.
4. He tended to announce questions or arguments mid-thread � and also title some threads � with terms like, "Parvini's Point" or "My In-Depth Assessment." He was, in no small measure, a dick with a strikingly inflated sense of his intellectual prowess.

The first such indicator came when he basically dismissed the entire forum for killing his threads. He had made no attempt to lurk there, broken several of their rules and cross-posted threads from OO. However, it wasn't his fault that he'd not bothered to lurk or understand the rules or know how to fit into a community. Instead, the whole community (especially the board admin) was completely wrong and blind to what he had to offer. To say that this perfectly presaged his subsequent behavior is an understatement. The OO breaking point would have come eventually, regardless; murmurs of "where does this guy get off?" peppered U2Us and chat-room conversation for weeks prior to any outward display of dislike for him. The stridently awful "Face vs. Face, the way to go?" was the thread that broke the camel's back. BFG's reply was way over the top and out of line, but its explosion of impatience and disgust summed up the feelings of more than a few. Parvini's response to BFG's more salient critiques was to repeat his points and claim BFG didn't understand them. When more people chimed in, Parvini repeated this tactic. When Jeb joined in with the Boardie "Flame of the Year" post that pretty much reduced Parvini's entire thread to tatters, Parvini again claimed that no one understood his point and changed the definitions of his point to support that. This was also something Parvini had been doing bit by bit, in the thread: subtly altering the definitions of his argument to reframe the argument in the face of almost universal contradiction. Finally, ModPrime lost patience and closed the thread, gave Parvini an insulting custom status and told him to fuck off anywhere else.

Parvini's response exhibited both his own sense of grandeur and also his total ignorance of board rules or practice: he started a new thread, repeating the same points and insisting that everyone just accept that he was right. ModPrime's response was to delete Parvini's two on-point posts in that thread and replace one with an inane story and the other with Janeway Erotic Fan Fiction. Parvini then pulled a classic drama-whore move (and further displayed his ignorance or contempt of board rules) and posted private U2U correspondence and a flame, then edited out his comments after not receiving the reaction he desired. After all that, he was finally banned. Naturally, he registered and posted again that same day, this time as The Nomad Soul. Perhaps he thought he was pulling a fast one and asserting his new identity by arguing with his old one. But the fact that The Nomad Soul's first post came in Parvini's pet Dibiase thread (along with the identical IP addresses) was sort of a dead giveaway. Parvini was banned for the second time. He would later return and be banned (perhaps as George Banks and certainly as ParviniReturns). It should also be noted that for all his use of realms and needless polysyllaby, Parvini was an awful writer who frequently misspelled basic words, confused tenses, noun-verb agreement and often picked any preposition that didn't actually fit the object. A niggling point, yes, but to anyone paying attention, it was one that indicated the bankruptcy of his unflagging air of superiority. See also: "Face vs. Face, the way to go?", George Banks, Janeway Erotic Fan Fiction and Parvini Returns.

Roughly a year after his banning and around the same time that George Banks was having troubles on the board, Parvini showed up again in "Face and Heels: A score to settle." Its reasoning was flawless, exquisitely researched and unimpeachable � if you happened to be Parvini. In a year's time, he'd managed to consult, learn from and internalize absolutely nothing that disabused him of every conclusion he'd already arrived at before his banning one year before. He again stated that there are no real faces or heels in major sports and that wrestling could really revitalize itself by following their example. Reading it was like stepping into a stupid time machine that could whisk you away to any stupid point in the past, where things were stupider than you remembered them. The Mods deleted almost all of it because he'd said the exact same things a year before, and because it was bullshit then, too.

But Parvini didn't rely exclusively on his own brilliant repetition of the same idea again and again. He knew that he'd never get a fair shake from OOsters or the Mods, because both groups had shown an almost pestilential devotion to reading � a practice antithetical to Parvini's "just accept what I say is right" needs. No, he looked through the names of people banned from OO and posted a thread listing the allegedly ill-banned. Parvini could find no explanation for why these good citizens were banned. Why, he even seemed to insinuate that he himself might have been unjustly banned as well! The Mods were really called onto the carpet; it was a damning list. The Mods had no choice but to admit that they'd wrongly banned countless people, thus proving by association that they'd also wrongly banned Parvini � and that his arguments were probably right all along. The Mods were about to concede this when they realized that Parvini's list, like all ideas Parvini had proffered, was ignorant and fucking retarded. The list comprised nothing other than trolls and Shit Posters who had not only been rightfully banned from OO, but were also pretty much universally loathed. Once again, Parvini didn't know what he was talking about because he wasn't talking about himself, and once again, he was banned. See also: "Face vs. Face, the way to go?", George Banks, Parvini and Shit Posters.

Describing a clitoris that either via natural engorgement or distention by steroids has come to resemble a penis, this term got slapped all over the Chyna/X-Pac tape and its discussion. Suffice to say, its usage went a little overboard. It's not clear from a cursory look at the thread whether the term was coined by an OOster or a porn reviewer, and honestly, someone else can determine that.

The Perfect Avatar
Shortly after avatar privileges were restored at OO, countless OOsters were having trouble remembering what were the maximum allowable settings for both pixel and file size. (They still do.) As a kind of play on the confusion � and also because he was probably bored � Angstboy created "The Perfect Av," an avatar that was not only 150 pixels wide x 125 pixels tall and under 50k, but also said so in nicely opaque letters within the avatar itself. Angst had been using the avatar off and on for nearly three years, but in 2006 its instructive aspects inspired the Mods and led to the creation of the General Incompetence Avatar. See also: Avatars and General Incompetence Avatar.

Pistol Pez
While his wrestling posts were generally fine, his posting style when it came to current events and mainstream entertainment might best be called, "Trolling for Jesus." No one knows what the Son of God thought of Pez's tendency to write passive flames and then "forgive" others for flaming back, but OOsters who dealt with him regularly in CE thought he was an asshole. Though he proudly wore his Christianity on his sleeve and freely admitted that he worked as a youth minister, he also had no problems being an unbelievable dick � in this case, he did both in the same post. Based on the evidence, Pez's brand of Christianity involved Straw Man, Begging the Question, ad hominem, misrepresenting other people's statements, hypocritically chiding flame posts while making the same � and then, after thoroughly exasperating everybody, claiming a kind of personal superiority for having found wisdom, patience and love through Christ. Just a safe guess: Jesus probably hates having to forgive him and wishes he'd start proselytizing for some other god. Unless Jesus loves dickheads.

Though Pez's routine had become old hat by 2004, in February of that year he began ramping up its intensity. He trolled this thread about Ralph Nader a full six times before ModPrime came in and temp-banned him for two days. Pez's response upon being unbanned was to go on a facetious trolling spree, writing shit-eatingly positive things that were obviously meant to be insults, thanking others and forgiving them � a kind of beneficent blessing of the befouled crowd. Hence, "Trolling for Jesus." He insulted Mcian (itself no great sin, retrospectively) OO Kyle and Mr_Mysterious2, Mr_M again, and again (and perhaps his loved ones as well); he insulted Doublee's mom and then thanked him, then snidely praised him again. When pressed on his behavior, he explained: As if to cement the deliberate disingenuousness of his posts, he then apologized for saying "nothing but nice things." The Mods temp-banned him again.

What followed was a week of more of the same, only this time in U2Us. Pez's defense was initially ignorance: he said he didn't even know what trolling was or how anyone could have taken his comments badly. When told that his posts might as well have been the dictionary definition of trolling, he then disingenuously asserted that they were totally sincere and that he'd only gone on a spree complimenting other posters. (That he was only "complimenting" those with whom he disagreed was purely coincidental.) An argument could have been made that Pez should have been banned right there for violating the Stupid Clause: he'd managed to troll flawlessly without knowing he was doing it. Unfortunately, the Mods were in a bit of a quandary, as they'd never before banned a long-standing member of the boards. They even consulted The Rick, who was surprisingly curt. "Older posters should know better."

Despite his continued disavowal of doing anything wrong, the Mods gave Pez a third chance anyway. However, during their U2U exchanges, Pez had gradually adopted a martyred tone, portraying himself the victim of a great injustice. Basically, for a guy who'd shown that he thought it was the Christian thing to do to insult, belittle and misrepresent others, then "forgive" them for being rightfully angry at him, it started sounding an awful lot like he thought he was Jesus. A cabal of close-minded elders (Mods) were completely misunderstanding his message of peace and brotherhood (shit-eating troll compliments), were persecuting him (temp-banning him), and the specter of death hung over him (permaban) for his unwillingness to compromise his beliefs (Stupid Clause). All of this would have seemed like a bunch of hooey if his 1,000 post celebration, just a few days later, hadn't said pretty much the exact same thing. Pez thanked everyone for reading his posts, but feared that he would have to say goodbye to the board and to the people who loved him, because the Mods would likely ban him out of fear of what he had to say. Then he blessed everyone. It was as if he thought Parts Unknown had turned into the garden of Gethsemane. Since Pez obviously wanted to be martyred and gain attention for his banning, the Mods basically froze his account. Technically, it was unbanned, but he couldn't post or log-in. A month or so later, his account was banned in the normal way.

Pez later returned to the board as Efarns, and posted for a short while in a polite manner, leading ModPrime to take note and pay him a compliment. Unfortunately, just a short while later, he began trolling CE again, in classic Pez style. When he responded to censure by saying that he suspected the Mods would again persecute him, his account was deleted, banned, set on fire and buried underground in a lead box. See also: Great Board Wipe, Jacked-Up Post Count and Post Count Celebrations.

Although he is basically little more than a burp in the history of the board, Portalesman will always be special for his ability to create consensus. Like almost everyone else who joins a message board, he came out of nowhere for no clear purpose, but he came with the sovereign opportunity of a blank slate. Within a single day, he had posted 30 times, and basically everybody hated him. Evidently, he actually had some other posts and threads � as indicated here � but the Mods deleted them probably on theory that "stupidity is contagious." Whatever they were, they were enough to rub a lot of people the wrong way, including normally even-tempered MrJustinB, who hilariously referred to a computer as an "Electric Go-Machine," followed three posts later by Slade, who moved that the board pass a resolution to bestow the title "Dumb Wanker" on Portalesman. The motion passed.

What finally got him banned was the thread "David Von Erich and the NWA World Title." The P-Man wanted to know if David Von Erich had been slated to win the NWA title shortly before his death. Doubtless a critical mass of inane and simplistic questions inspired the creation of Just Fucking Google It, but at the time, we lacked such a handy resource for a reply. Instead, Bonestein "quoted" Pro Wrestling Illustrated, which said, "Who cares?" A series of pretty terrible flames ensued, almost all of which belonged to Portalesman, though it should be conceded that neither 2HoT nor Bonestein was at his best in this thread. Instead, Doublee spent his time explaining to a suddenly grammar-smug Portalesman that "Pot Kettle Black" is not actually an expression. ("The Pot calling the Kettle black" is; but, this being the internet, "Pot Kettle Black" and the expressions "1Birdhand Worth 2Bush" and "StitchTime-Save9" were probably officially coined and rubber stamped an hour ago.)

Thankfully Drunknow also arrived to prove that those who would show up mid-flame war to defend someone universally disliked are also probably going to be banned eventually. He probably was happy about that: "10,000% of message board posters on OnlineOnslaught are fucking retards," after all. Portalesman then did three extremely memorable things: one, in the middle of a flame war, he asked other posters to register on his EZBoard... so he could ban them; two, he managed to unite Bonestein and Bigfatgoalie during a period of time in which they couldn't stand each other, with the normally temperate LuckyLopez and Doublee lashing out as well; three, he was the first poster to edit out his post after people had made fun of him for it, then change it to something that made the replies to his post seem foolish or insulting. This, atop the multiple threads deleted or moved to the then-Graveyard, forced his banning. Just before Portalesman was booted out the door, he posted an invitation to his EZBoard in a new thread in the former forum "COMMENTS ON OTHER SITES/WRITERS." ModPrime immediately linked to a thread in which Portalesman condemned both OO and all OOsters, which tended to militate against the notion that he wanted us all to show up. Also, his dad's dead. See also: Bonestein v. Bigfatgoalie, COMMENTS ON OTHER SITES/WRITERS, Drunknow, Editing Ex Post Facto and The Graveyard.

Post Count Celebrations
The name itself says it all: someone starts a thread for the purposes of celebrating having reached a certain post count. The first post count celebration on record is Eli's 1,000th, from December, 2002. At the time, Eli was post leader, the first ever to reach 1,000 and break in a new user rank. Although there were surely scores of celebrations in the following four months, all were lost to the Great Board Wipe. To be sure, many celebrations follow a predictable and often a boring formula: "I finally reached X posts. It's been easy/hard/great/quite-a-trip. I'd like to thank Tom, Dick and Harry. I can't believe I made it to [custom status]. Here's to another X posts!" But not every celebration can be unique, and often a celebration thread is a great chance for OOsters to stop and thank someone else for the many laughs or good ideas his writing or friendship has given them. Still, some posters have deviated from the thank-the-Academy speech (or else directly quoted it) and produced memorable threads and the following highlights:
� 2Hot ironically breaks the predictable "Academy speech" mold by directly quoting Halle Berry's bizarrely effusive speech after winning Best Actress for Monster's Ball, changing only the names to reflect OO board members. (The post was so excellent that it prompted this picture from Salmonjunkie.)
� Slade celebrates his 2000th post by listing all 2,000 posts in order of preference. Of course, everyone assumed that Slade had used a random number generator, but he steadfastly claims that he did, in fact, faithfully input the numbers himself, working off two lists and randomizing one by one. (An earlier celebration from Slade prompted this picture from Salmonjunkie.)
� Erin Anderson broadens the rack tradition by posting a picture of her pointing at her own rack. Rick then photoshops Erin into the RAW ring, where Jericho appears to gaze upon her adulterously.
Borntorun steals Optard's 1,000th post, well before the two of them went gay for each other.
� Operation Retard declares, "Jeb Rulz!" and even posts with capital letters and proper grammar.
� AnglesGoldMedals writes a brilliant treatment of Genesis, adapted for OnlineOnslaught.
Borntorun posts his autobiography, before Kitty Kelly can beat him to the punch and ruin his name.
� ConcreteTG "comes out."
� Throwing us all a curve, instead of declaring his entry into the 1,000 Post Club, TarheelMike writes a short play based on his entry into the club. Everyone's a little ashamed that they didn't notice Mike taking notes.
� Bulldog brings his years of martial training, and ArmyofOne brings his comedy talents honed over a decade as a humorist in one EXCLUSIVE JAM-PACKED CELEBRATION. The whole thing was probably a body-switching thing like in The Parent Trap.
� 2HoT and Salmonjunkie mutually celebrate 4,000 posts with a flash movie created by Operation Retard, pretty much rendering all further attempts to create the best post-count celebration entirely futile.
Optard swaps his post counts for a combined 3,000.
� Thoroughly humiliated at seeing the number under his name near 4,000 posts � thus signifying a wasted life � LuckyLopez conspires with ModPrime to colossally fuck up his 4,000th post celebration. After posting deliberately annoying hype in the form of "countdown images" at the bottom of his posts, Lucky writes post 4,000 and unveils a 1 megabyte avatar, prompting ModPrime to zero-out his post count. While the rest of the thread is pretty funny, with other posters hilariously razzing Lucky, little did posters know they were getting worked. Lucky got to temporarily skip the embarrassment of having 4,000 posts, while ModPrime was able to reinforce his urging of posters to check the size of their avs before uploading them. Instead of a big flashy av, Lucky got the SPORTS forum named after him for over a week. See also: Avatars, ConcreteTG Outs Herself, Great Board Wipe, Operation Pajama Pants and Zeroed-Out Post Count.

See: The Mods.


An example of what you might have seen, had you signed up for OO when posters could have avatars in pre-Mod days, before the privilege was abused and rightfully suspended. Though Quentil wasn't around then, his profile provides: (1) an interesting glimpse at what the early boards were like, with a giant avatar he either didn't care about or thought would be automatically resized; (2) an example of someone who didn't read the board rules about avatars, even though he had to click on them to register; (3) a much-needed Wankipedia entry under "Q."


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

The Rack
A board term of endearment for the (clothed) breasts of poster Rasslinjunkie (RJ). The term was coined in response to RJ's posting a picture of herself in the 2003 "This Is Us" thread, smiling and holding up a hand in such a way that it appeared as if she might be pointing to her chest. OOsters had a field day with this photo, photoshopping various images and slogans onto her chest, as if she were pointing to her breasted advertisement/advocacy of the image/slogan. Operation Retard even managed to get Angstboy's photoshopped picture of RJ pointing at her OO-logo'd rack, on WWE TV (at the same event where he displayed "BFG is a douchebag." These and other photos can be seen in The Rick's Signage Archive.) The "Rack Photo" became an unofficial tradition, with Erin Anderson and Lorey Mysterio both giving in to peer pressure, the inevitable, or the frisson of knowing that the tiniest effort was making the days of hundreds of internet goofballs. Although others have posted rack photos, The Rack refers to RJ's alone. See also: "BFG is a douchebag."

Radiohead and Metallica: St. Angry
June 10, 2003, was a big day for new music releases. The two big albums scheduled to be released were Metallica's long-awaited eighth studio album, St. Anger, and Radiohead's Hail to the Thief. Both bands have sold millions of albums worldwide, have had albums go to #1 on Billboard and have large and extremely dedicated fanbases. Also releasing a new album on that date was Canadian folk musician Bruck Cockburn. In the month leading up to the release of St. Anger, MTV aired a prerecorded concert as a tribute to Metallica, entitled MTV Icon: Metallica. Amazingly, the discussion in that thread remained very civil and, perhaps more amazingly, Slade posted in it without opining that Metallica sucks. Later, a proper thread about St. Anger was started, and the music forum began to be dominated by discussions about Metallica.

However, it wasn't this thread that solidified Metallica as the dominant subject in the music forum; it was actually a separate thread started by Slade, in which he argued that Bruce Cockburn's new record would be the only one worth buying on June 10th. The thread deliberately provoked Metallica and Radiohead fans to disagree with him, due in large part to its title: Screw Metallica and Radiohead. The merits of Radiohead were debated between Slade and Radiohead fans, but the debate was soon changed when Metallica released St. Anger five days early. While the official explanation coming out of the Metallica camp for pushing up the release date was that the album had been leaked to the internet, Slade insinuated that Metallica had released the album early out of fear of it losing the number one spot on the Billboard charts to Radiohead. This prompted Metallikid to defend his favorite band and pledge to eat shit if Radiohead could outsell Metallica in its first week of release. Many board members responded by expressing their desire that he not talk about Metallica ever again if their album failed to sell more copies than Radiohead's new release. This reaction to Metallikid was the beginning of a backlash to his excitement and incessant posting about his favorite band. He remained vigilant and determined to defend Metallica at any cost, often somewhat immaturely, putting words in others' mouths and relying on passionate assumptions. As a result, Jeb started a thread that poked fun of Metallica's songwriting and another for discussing the pros and cons of Megadeth without mentioning "THE NAME OF THAT OTHER BAND THAT DAVE MUSTAINE WAS IN." Several posters chose to play by the rules and offered great comments but Metallikid and Ando didn't. At Jeb's request, ModSquad003 changed any usage of the word Metallica to I LOVE STARLAND VOCAL BAND.

Taking one more crack at Metallica, Slade proclaimed that heavy metal was still alive thanks to Anthrax and their new album, which debuted at #122 on the Billboard charts, knowing full well that Metallica's new album would debut no lower than #2 on the chart. The thread turned into a Metallikid punching contest, with some fairly clever posts too numerous to link here. However, this story comes with a happy ending, as Metallikid made an effort to understand why he was being picked on and the issue was resolved � a rare occurrence on this or any other internet message board. It should be noted that many posters had the impression that Metallikid was nothing more than a prepubescent thirteen-year-old with an annoying penchant for espousing his love for his favorite band, which was so large that it could not possibly be confined to the limits of a simple dedication via his forums name. (Three years later Metallikid himself admitted that there was some validity to this impression; but for a fuller account of his age and maturity, his wedding and honeymoon thread probably speaks for itself.) However, as it turned out, Metallikid proved to be quite possibly the most mature member involved in the issue by making an effort to understand why people were giving him a hard time � whereas everyone else flamed him instead of just telling him that the sheer number of pro-Metallica posts was unnecessary and, to some, annoying. Metallikid survived the harsh treatment he received on account of his love of Metallica and has gone on to become a popular member of the OO forums. St. Anger, in the meantime, has safely outsold Hail to the Thief by a sizable margin.

"Raw Chatire"
Another recurring theme from the OO Chat Room was how often multiple chat jokes found their way into Matt's "Raw Satire" without acknowledgment. On multiple occasions, Matt's column featured fictional exchanges between wrestlers that chatters asserted were all but directly lifted from chat room exchanges. (Chatting while "in character" as a wrestler is not uncommon, but is also not something that is tolerated for long stretches.) These exchanges were often Matt-free, which suggested that, while others were zinging away, Matt was quietly taking notes. (The suggestion isn't meant to be sinister: Matt always took notes while RAW aired, setting up jokes and scenes for the Satire.) Matt claimed that these exchanges were inspired by RAW's content. In some cases, he had a fair argument: the potential comedy from an angle or scene so inevitably led to one kind of joke that several people could have independently come up with them. Still, certain turns of phrase from chat members appeared in paraphrasis, in the "Satire," without Matt giving any nod toward the chat.

The most egregious example was probably the night the Y2Stinger energy drink commercials debuted, during which probably half a dozen chatters milked the commercials and name for about an hour's worth of jokes. The next day, too many of them were in Matt's column for him to reasonably claim that: while he was in the chat room taking notes, he managed to look away every time these jokes were written there, then serendipitously conceived of each of them on his own and added them to his column. Once or twice could be coincidence, but several jokes in one week, on top of random jokes on so many others, indicated nothing less than a pattern. It became problem enough that, after a good joke, chatters sometimes chorused, "Great comment, can't wait to see it in the Satire!" � or, more simply, "Did you get all that, Matt?" Again, Matt vehemently denied (and denies) all this, but the fact that chat members Angstboy, Borntorun, Canadian Bulldog, Jeb and others took to "whispering" jokes to each other on occasion because they "didn't like the echo" bespeaks a strongly lopsided credibility gap. Credibility, here, will have to be determined on the basis of individual character. As there is no way to save OO chats, short of taking pictures of your desktop over and over, and as there are no chat records to compare against Satires, OOsters will have to choose to believe one side or the other based on whom is making the argument. Naturally, the argument is a silly thing, since virtually no chatter who felt that Matt was ripping him off would have given it a second thought if Matt had ever thrown a line of appreciation or thanks at the end of columns that reproduced chat room jokes. See also: Chat Room History.

Rick Loves Erin... or: "Erick Scaianderson"
No good form of entertainment is without a bit of smoldering sexual tension, and in late 2004, OO Forums readers decided OnlineOnslaught should be no different. Two years after Erin Anderson joined the boards (and spent months deflecting various come-ons) and 18 months after she became a main-page columnist, OOsters apparently began noticing a change in The Rick's demeanor. An outspoken critic of "Useless Eye Candy Divas" and an enthusiastic fan of talented and intelligent broads, Rick was spotted tossing an increasing number of compliments toward Erin. While many of Erin's ideas were excellent and merited praise, it occasionally seemed as if Rick was complimenting run-of-the-mill ideas as the sorts of things that people only think of after brushing up against a monolith. Basically it seemed like something was up, and finally newcomer Rk hijacked a thread about the infamous X-Pac/Chyna sex tape to opine that Rick "so obviously wants to bang" Erin. A flood of responses from other forum members indicated that this was a widely-held notion, but that most had been keeping it to themselves, lest they embarrass Rick or incur his wrath.

With the "Rick Loves Erin" theory now spoken aloud, the e-crush jokes flowed freely and became one of the most-popular running gags for several months. Highlights of this period of open taunting included Rk's 2005 New Year's Resolution to convince Erin and Rick to "just get it over with and fuck already" as well as a memorable typo by Rick (in which he transposed "Erin" for "Eric" in a RAW Recap mention of GM Eric Bischoff) that led to some wild speculation. By mid-2005, both Rick and Erin began to acknowledge and post responses in threads addressing this issue, defusing the gag to some extent. Ringleader Rk went so far as to declare it was "no fun anymore" when the targets of the mocking were aware of the joke. Unfortunately, Rk's judgment came a bit late and somewhat off the mark. While it might just then have become "no fun" anymore to her, it had already long since stopped being particularly funny and begun creeping toward "obnoxious board joke that won't go away" status. Perhaps because of this "Rick Loves Erin" ceased to be a frequent source of forums jokes and subversive teasing, and OOsters relaxed and began focusing on more constructive issues, such as how Rick and Erin did exhibit exceptionally similar writing styles and how some "tag team" joint columns displayed a rare level of chemistry, or maybe some kind of jacked-in borg-implant thinking, like Lobot, or maybe a unified entity called "Erick Scaianderson." The level of similarity called to mind a years-old Erin/Rick conspiracy theory: that Rick was Erin, and that her character as he created her was just a vessel for the internet male's ideation of the perfect internet woman � or that Erin was wholly invented as a revenue-generating pseudonym designed to reap the hit-counts and ad revenue from said internet male population.

Still, the more lascivious undertones of the OO Forums' own soap opera are anything but dormant. In the same thread that praised the Rick/Erin chemistry, veteran OOster Xoid speculated about what kind of happenings would go down at OO House. Whether OO House had "Louie Louie" on repeat in the juke didn't get addressed, but Rick and Erin were cast as a couple and the lead characters on the faux reality show. And even months after circumstances dictated that Erin step away from OO for a while, many readers still see vestiges of the Rick/Erin romance to this very day. See also: Erin Anderson and Rickisms.

A "Rickism" is defined as any term or behavior exhibited by Rick Scaia with greater than average frequency in his columns. Rickisms are, on their own, perfectly fine things; Rick has his opinions and his own idiomatic shorthand, and that's part of the reason why people are fans of his. But some believe that Rickisms have become an easy crutch for Rick to lean on in the last few years, while almost all agree that Rickisms lose all charm when abused by users on the OO forums. Whether it's nostalgia for a simpler time when there were three "big" wrestling companies and three weekly columns' worth of relevant news on which to focus, or a kind of overprotectiveness of the kind of writing style and probity to which they've become accustomed, some of Rick's most loyal readers on the boards began to resist the intrusion of these new terms and regularly-proffered catchphrases. Jeb eventually collected a list of two dozen or so of Rick's favorite terms in early 2005, in a thread titled, "Rate How Rick It Is!" The essentially-good-natured list and chiding of these Rickisms led to some predictable tension and tetchiness among certain OO personalities but was widely accepted as a dead-on roasting of "The Rick's" newfound vernacular. It also had the potential to be the "OO Drinking Game," provided one was willing to spend all of eternity in a drunken haze. �

At the core, Rickisms are created and employed by Rick, who writes an average of three or four pieces per week. As a result, even an infrequently used Rickism may appear in his work several times per month, and those in heavy rotation may seem, after a while, as if they are included in every column. This may grate at times, but even the most sedulous verbal craftsman is unavoidably going to begin repeating himself if he writes 15,000 words per week, 50 weeks per year. It doesn't help said craftsman avoid repetition when those 15,000 words per week are devoted to a product as innately repetitive and derivative as wrestling. If anything, Rick's creation of a shorthand for established and familiar topics frees him up to try to be fresh and incisive about other issues that have not yet reached the point of deserving a dismissive shorthand � new wrestlers, angles, matches and newsbites.

Where Rickisms become a problem � or just pathetic � to OOsters is when they are so fully employed by posters as to demonstrate a complete want of original thought. Rick, himself, has come out against the "wrestling lexicon" of smart terminology being parroted unnecessarily by "insiders" to prove their wrestling intelligence or appear hiply blas� or derisory about certain wrestlers or wrestling show standbys. Ironically, Rick's fondness for some Rickisms inadvertently created his own lexicon, with readers mimicking "Theme from Dumb Guy" with as much readiness as they might say "Ruler of the Squirrels." This is most evident with the repeated use of "writer monkeys" by readers who are trying to mock the uncreativity and unoriginality of WWE's writers without realizing they are committing the same transgressions they rail against. Thus, an over-reliance on Rickisms is considered an unflattering characteristic among new members of the OO forums. Though the forums exist as a subset of OnlineOnslaught overall, they also have their own distinct personality and personalities, and what dominates the main page does not have equal dominance here. (After all, Rick does not frequent the boards; and even if he did, it's not likely that he was ever going to read someone spouting Rickisms and say, "Hey, kid, you speak my NewSpeak doubleplusgood! I'm putting you on the main page!") Bottom line: it is much preferred that new OOsters be themselves and speak in their own voice.�See also: Whiny Smark Lexicon and Writer Monkeys.

The Ur-troll of OO, R2D2 once inspired a level of disgust the equal of Bud Ellock, The_Insider, TTP or the Shit/Troll posters. Over the years, theories have been floated that R2D2 was Bud Ellock, Hulkrulz or Ryan O Reily's first posting incarnation. None of these appears to be true, as all indications point to R2D2 being his own moron. However, it is very possible that he was another one of the Shit Posters, as he evidently "hacked" Shithousepoet's account on another small message board. The idea that he would be familiar with one of the shit posters on another board and be a troll at OO only coincidentally stretches the bounds of credibility. There's no point in describing his posting history, as it's basically link after link of undifferentiated moron. About the only standout moments are his inter-board feud with XPW REJECTOR. See also: Bud Ellock, Shit Posters and XPW REJECTOR.

Ryan O Reily
With Shithousepoet and Captian Mayhem (who were actually the same person), Ryan O Reily was the principle Shit Poster and creator of the Shit Posters' Message Board. Little needs to be said about the content of his posts. He flamed; he trolled; he was a racist, a misogynist and a homophobe. In short, he was a brainless fuck in pretty much every single way in which a human being can debase himself to the level of brainless fuck. Probably the wittiest thing he ever said was calling Jeff Hardy "Jeff Hurty," and probably the cleverest thing he ever did was switch to registering new accounts and U2Uing shit posts to others instead of posting them on the board where they'd instantly be detected. There are only two other things of note about Ryan O Reily. One, until the day he was banned, his sig file was a large picture of OZ's Vern Schillinger, along with the words, "Slap That Prag!" � clearly part of some "What Character from OZ Are You?" quiz. (The only thing remotely amusing about that was Jeb putting a picture of the same actor, J.K. Simmons, as Dr. Emil Skoda in Law & Order along with the words, "Help Other People!" in his sig file for about two weeks.) Two, back when the Mods were still unsure about all the ways in which the board works, they deleted Ryan O Reily's account without deleting his posts. The results � all the posts remaining, but the profile and the ability to "search for all posts by this user" gone � was regrettable and unexpected. See also: Mod History, Shit Posters and Shit Posters' Message Board.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

Screw Flanders
See: Elbato997.

Pivot Stickfigure Animator is a freeware program introduced to the boards by frequent poster Stu in October of 2005. The program allows the user to create fun and innovative animations featuring stick figures, converting them into GIF format to share with the world. At first, Stu, Punkerhardcore, OOMatt, LuckyLopez, and a few others kept it clean with various attempts at recreating wrestling moves and visual clich�s, stick-figure style. But Figure Foreskin quickly realized the potential of the software and began pursuing a disturbing and hilariously twisted type of humor, beginning with "I went in a different direction" and culminating in Stu's interpretation of the X-Pac and Chyna sex video. The porn-heavy direction then segued into a bizarre obsession with Brock Lesnar (no, not in that way), featuring Lesnar is More: A Stick Figure Brockumentary, which depicted Brock engaging in several activities that always ended with an F-5 and botched Shooting Star Press. The Brock obsession grew to include Stu's stick-figure vision of Brock on the Titanic, FF's Brock says "Just Say No to Drugs," and peaked with FF's borderline offensive Brock Peterson. Afterward, the joke moved onto poking fun of John Cena and his invincibility. After that, the soon-to-be banned troll poster FromPartzUnknown showed up and crashed the party, resulting in most everyone completely losing interest. Although it's tempting to lay all the blame on him, it's also fair to say that the joke had fairly well exhausted itself by this point. Perhaps wiser heads knew that the comedy had run its course and simply used FromPartzUnknown as a convenient excuse not to drill the thread's concept into the ground. The thread seemed to have died a merciful death in March of 2006, when Stu, who began the thread, contributed a valedictory stick-figure GIF. At an impressive 10 pages long, SFWF will live on as one of the most intentionally hilarious threads in board history. See also: Comedy Threads.

Shit Posters (sometimes "Poop Posters")
A blanket term for posters Shithousepoet and Captian Mayhem (actually one single poster) and Ryan O Reily � who, upon creation of the Mods, stopped writing posts figuratively full of shit and started literally composing posts full of shit. The pictures usually came from RateMyPoo at Pre-Mods, their posting usually consisted of terrible flames, trolling and useless polls. After the Mods appeared, they had a brief two- or three-month spree of registering dozens of new accounts and posting shit pictures, until Rick updated the board software and the Mods acquired "delete all posts" and IP banning functions. After the software update, their activities were usually limited to registering account names with the word "POOP" in them and getting banned before being able to post anything. The Mods deleted most of the accounts, so it's anyone's guess how many were registered, but the number was easily over 40. The sheer number of their duplicate accounts is such that it's also possible to occasionally stumble across a thread where two of them are arguing with each other under the guise of four or five different accounts. Other prominent shit poster accounts include BrianFigliola (Captian/Shithousepoet again) and Caseydiabloshotjimross (Ryan O Reily again). See also: Error: cannot open xmb_threads.MYT, Mabey, Mods, R2D2, Shit Posters' Message Board, Software Update and XPW REJECTOR.

Shit Posters' Message Board
Shortly after his expulsion from OnlineOnslaught, Ryan O Reily or one of his jackass friends set up two EZ boards to plan attacks on OO with other Shit Posters and to archive the bonehead threads they created, the many threads they trainwrecked or destroyed or any pictures or posts they found strangely compelling. "Reigning Redneck Champion's Vault" was one name; the name of the other has been lost. Oddly, both were discovered by accident by poster Rasslinjunkie when she was searching EZBoard for wrestling forums. Only a chance comment in chat with Salmonjunkie reminded her of the strange forums she'd discovered and their dozens of threads about the "Uh-Oh" boards and "Uh-Oh" board members. It was about as dumb as you can imagine a message board to be. However, after the Great Board Wipe, it became an interesting resource, as the Shit Posters' compulsion to archive their misdeeds coincidentally preserved a record of pre-Mod OO. Thanks to them, Bigfatgoalie was able to find a copy of his "OO WrestleMania" thread. The Shit Posters' Message Board has since been deleted. See also: Great Board Wipe, Mod History, "OO WrestleMania", Ryan O Reily and Shit Posters.

One of the principle Shit Posters, Shithousepoet was another incarnation of Captian Mayhem. Indeed, their posts (and their entries in this encyclopedia) might as well be interchangeable. He was notable only for his strange devotion to Spongebob Squarepants, writing inane polls, creating the term "mabey" (which, given the spelling of the Captian's name, might have been fated to happen) and for posting hundreds of pictures of shit on the board. See also: Captian Mayhem, Mabey, Shit Posters and Shit Posters' Message Board.

"A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of [Banned!!!!]"
A comedy thread in which everyone who posted was given a ban-related custom title. Highlights include "Bannedtorun," "Banime Lover" and "Banned on the Run." The thread began because of a joke banning of Operation Retard. In response, Borntorun reprised his infamous "Sincere Argument For the Reinstatement of TopTenPro" thread, and the fake bannings multiplied. This thread also features use of the dreaded not-safe-for-work term "Ahmed Johnson." See also: Ahmed Johnson and Comedy Threads.

"A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of TopTenPro"
The title is a perfect description of its initial contents. In response to the banning of TopTenPro, Borntorun posted a sincere argument for bringing him back. While some posters appreciated his generous attitude, most did not. Posters seemed to agree that everyone had given TTP's ideas a fair shake but that his snotty tone had alienated board members without any help from OOsters flaming or ridiculing his posts. ModSquad002 effectively ended TTP-related discussion when he said that TTP was capable of cleaning up his act and reregistering. (He reregistered as TimeToPlay and was banned again just days later.)

This thread is also a good example of the tendency the board has � once a year or so � to find a thread topic that catalyzes discussion about the nature of the board and then have a discussion about what sort of board OO is, how it treats new members, what it supports or condones, etc. For example, this thread features a nascent discussion of the OO "Hive Mentality" in its infancy, long before the term was coined or gained much currency outside of the minds of Matt Hocking or Eoghann Irving. Though posters didn't know they were talking about it, they essentially were addressing the hive mentality and its tendency to predispose veterans to distrust or loathe newbies. Unfortunately, like all the other annual threads about OO and the boards' character, this thread contained a lot of nervous hand-wringing about who we were as a group, with almost zero impact on future behavior or attitudes. Finally, any chance at further investigating moral quandaries was annihilated when ModPrime banned Flairmark at Eli's suggestion. See also: Eoghann, Flairmark, Hive Mentality and TopTenPro.

Designed for discussion about any individual male wrestler, this sporadically lively and interesting forum appeared on day one of the board's life and was consolidated in 2005. The problem with the forum � and the argument for its consolidation � was that it never had a clear mandate. If you wanted to talk about one wrestler and what he was currently doing, it was just as easy to do so in the current events wrestling forum. Similarly, if you wanted to talk about an old-school wrestler, it was just as easy to go to the ASK THE RICK forum. The only time it was clear that a subject belonged in SINGLED OUT was when you wanted to talk about a current wrestler, in general, without bringing up specific angles or matches from the past (retro) or what they were currently doing. Though it had bursts of liveliness, it was essentially a redundant forum. Rick hung on to it longer than necessary out of fear that having just a divas folder [then: "SINGLED OUT (DIVAS)"] would seem like he'd created a forum solely for masturbatory material. The fact that the divas forum basically was and is a collection of masturbatory material regardless of what other forums were/are named eventually tipped the scales. SINGLED OUT's threads were dispersed to relevant existing forums, and the empty forum was deleted. See also: ASK THE RICK, DIVAS and Forum Purges.

Ostensibly, this would seem to be sort of an unfair (or at least unnecessary) entry for a wrestling message board encyclopedia. Strictly speaking, we are all smarks, since we elect to post on a wrestling message board attached to a wrestling website where insider smark news is published routinely. What differentiates a smark from an OOster, however, is a matter of complaint and commitment. The smark is either deliberately or inadvertently an echo of writer Scott Keith and others of his ilk, prone to making points and arguing issues only featured in the "Whiny Smark Lexicon." To a certain extent, all posters make these complaints at one point. Usually, they register, complain about Vince, lament the misuse of someone like Angle or Benoit, vent about long promos and stupid gimmicks, then move on to talking about something else. The difference, then, is the level of commitment that the poster makes. Most people get it out of their systems in a month or so, eventually tiring of repeating themselves, either through personal exhaustion or the common courtesy that suggests that once everyone's heard the complaints a handful of times, they don't need to hear them again. These posters then differentiate their comments, taking original and skewed looks at WWE wrestling, getting into other wrestling federations (or Pride/MMA) � or they head south of "The Line" and start talking in detail about things they do in real life, post about baseball six times per day or design and share goofy-ass flash games.

The smark does not do this. He remains posting the majority of his comments CURRENT WRESTLING, displaying his knowledge of trivia time and again, debating niggling points of wrestling arcana in the RETRO forum and generally never evolving past "RAW SUCKED" and "I hate 20-minute promos." Aside from the above-mentioned, there is another cardinal indicator of smark status: if a poster can look at someone's post count � see that they've written hundreds or even thousands of times � and yet not remember a single post. (Aside from perhaps the post, the Archetypal Smark Post that most fans can probably write in their sleep.) For this reason, most smarks who quit or are banned tend to go unmourned. Another reason is because in a month's time, two new people will have registered on the boards and begun posting identical content anyway. With this in mind, it's easy to imagine the smark community as resembling the old Soviet army: one vast line of cheerless, expressionless men moving in lockstep; one is gunned down, two more rush to fill his place; the steady rhythmic thump of their boots tramping down fields, orchards, bodies and all that lies before them; their voices united powerfully as one, rolling like thunder, chanting that Vince only pushes hosses. See also: The Line and Whiny Smark Lexicon.

Software Update
A board update in late April/early May of 2003 that forever altered the character of the OO boards with several basic functions. One, posters could edit their own posts, something that the former XMB software � due to bugginess � had prohibited. Two, the Mods could track the IP addresses of posters and more easily weed out the Shit and Troll Posters. Three, said IP addresses could only register one new account per day, and only with unique email addresses, requirements that significantly cut down on the number of shit-poster accounts that could be registered in a given day. Four, a "Flood Control" was established, one that prevented posters from posting more than once every 120 seconds, which also reduced shit posts. Five, a "Delete All" function was introduced, which allowed the Mods to delete all posts from a shit poster in less than ten seconds. Six, the Mods could edit user accounts and thus remove large offensive images or lines of text from sig files. Seven, because the Mods could edit accounts in such a way, avatars were reintroduced. Further software updates have not been performed because repeated board "hacks" have left enough of the code garbled that the XMB software no longer auto-updates. Rick has spent at least three or four hours, on three or four occasions, attempting to manually make the upgrade, but his efforts have been unsuccessful. See also: Avatars, Hacks, Mod History and Shit Posters.

A once-beloved and now reviled poster, SpinningToeHold (or "STH" or "Uncle STH") is the biggest plagiarist in board history. Posing as a 40+ father of several girls, husband to an exotically beautiful wife and dedicated military veteran working in the Office of Homeland Security, STH engendered feelings of respect, goodwill and admiration with his wry musings, long-form rants and nimble short stories. Almost all of them were stolen outright. He even managed to generate widespread concern when he announced that he was having open heart surgery. Unfortunately, that was fake too. In all, STH copied from clever, endearing and insightful writers and in the process elevated himself to a position of transcendental scumbag. For a bitter revelation of how horrible and sickening plagiarism can be, and just how much it can imbue one with a sense of betrayal and distrust, read Borntorun's excellent thread on the STH matter, here. The Mods would also like it to be noted that while he was claiming to be an agent of Homeland Security, it seemed plausible that his IP address might reflect a lower position in the U.S. Government; perhaps he was on-loan to another office, after all. Now that it's clear he's a liar and a plagiarist, his suburban Department of Transportation IP address only adds to the level of "pathetic." The difference between what STH claimed (being in the 20s or 30s on the Department of Homeland Security's upper-echelon org chart) and what STH's IP address says (that he's probably some flunkie in charge of mobilizing asphalt) is like someone telling you he's the Governor of your state and then finding out that he's posting from the local library's one-hour-free-surfing-with-your-library-card computer terminals.

Intended to be "the perfect complement to Vergina," Splugen was yet another vaguely sexually named beer. SpinningToeHold and a few posters gamely tried to write as many jokes about this beer as they did with Vergina, but Splugen wasn't as wide open (possibility wise) as Vergina was. Also, after posting in the Vergina thread for so long, OOsters may have creatively shot their wad, thus leaving them, insofar as Splugen went, with a bit of a mess on their hands. See also: SpinningToeHold and Vergina.

If it weren't for their sheer profusion of shit posts, compared to spoiler posts, it would be fair to call the Shit Posters "Spoiler Posters." Determined to sabotage or ruin the message boards for pretty much everybody, the shit posters found a new tactic when it came to spoilers. They posted them in unrelated threads, posted them in new threads with unrelated thread titles; and, when that tactic got noticed and deleted, they took to just posting empty threads with the spoilers in the titles. Eventually the Software Update enabled the Mods to fully eradicate this behavior, but for a while the only option for OOsters was to work cooperatively to prevent spoilage of shows. The cooperation displayed an admirable mutual respect amongst posters: once a "spoiled" thread or thread title was sighted, OOsters would post a warning thread and then post to bump innocent threads to the top of the page and get the offending thread down to page two. Even though successfully accomplishing this meager goal was often nearly impossible, disparate groups of posters and even posters who antagonized one another regularly showed no hesitation about trying to aid other OOsters. Cooperative actions like this surely led to the creation of a kind of OO "Hive Mentality," but in cases such as this, it was honestly done for a shared positive. See also: Hive Mentality and Shit Posters.

See: SpinningToeHold.

Stop Sign Fears Cookie Sheet
A callback to the "WWE's best build up in years..." thread, this is a perennial joke suggestion whenever an OOster announces that he or she is going to a show and needs to think up some signage to bring. Perhaps a play on "ORTON FEARS JEB." See also: ORTON FEARS JEB and "WWE's best build up in years...".

The Stupid Clause
A subsection of the "What Can Get You Banned" portion of the board rules, the Stupid Clause means simply that the Mods can ban you for being too stupid. It's sort of a catchall, for any contingency not spelled out already, that enables the Mods to ban someone for doing something wholly inventively bad that is not already explicitly prohibited � i.e. "Sure, we didn't forbid that in writing, but we shouldn't have to, because it's STUPID." Technically, you can break no explicit board rule of format or conduct, but all the same you can be too fundamentally dumb for public digestion. The Stupid Clause carries with it a kind of unfortunate quirk, which is that anyone who is banned via the Stupid Clause is also fundamentally too stupid to realize how they are being stupid or even that they are stupid at all. Thus those banned by it are more likely to reregister and say, "I do not understand why I was banned. It was unfair. I am a great poster," then go right back to posting stupidly enough to be banned again. In a sense, the clause presents a kind of Catch-22 to the banned poster and the Mods. A poster is banned because he's stupid. But he returns to post again because he's too stupid to realize that he was banned for being stupid. However, as soon as the Mods explain it to him sufficiently enough to convince him that he was banned for being stupid, he's now smart enough to no longer have the Stupid Clause automatically apply to him. Thus, he should no longer automatically be banned, because he's displayed understanding of his own behavior. Hey, it could happen!

Sup Bro
Sup Bro was a gimmick poster who arrived in April of 2005 and didn't last more than a month on the boards. However, since his name is a slang greeting, he's had a fairly long impact, in that OOsters who might normally say "what's up?" to one another can go for "sup, bro?" and make a pun on a common board reference. No content from Sup Bro remains because his appearance coincided with a resurgence of registrations from Chickiesinger, and the Mods were already in a mood to blank out asinine posts. After Sup Bro had registered a few times (as Sup Bro, supbro, sup_bro? all_county95, DL95 and supbrolives), ModPrime noticed that Sup Bro was posting from an IP range that Chickiesinger had used recently. Morever, Sup Bro and Chickiesinger had mutually cut-and-pasted their threads on other message boards, on the same days, which seemed too systematic to be coincidental. The similarities seemed justification enough to treat their posts equally. Sup Bro's posts were either blanked out or changed to Gay Vampire (Werewolf) Erotica or utter nonsense. For the record, Sup Bro's gimmick was that he was an "All County" defensive lineman, with 12 tackles for a loss in a big game and an almost preternatural skill for something called, "putting it in the pocket." He generally referred to himself in the third person and found himself to be quite skilled at picking up the ladies in the club � indeed so skilled that he benevolently offered to hook Rick up. Also, all the guys wanted to hang out with Sup Bro. Or something. Honestly, who gives a shit? See also: Chickiesinger and Gay Vampire Erotica.

There's a 90% chance that SUPAWONDER was the inimitably space-after-a-comma deficient Golden Heat returned to grace OO with his presence again. However, for the sake of this entry, we will entertain the fiction that he was a different person. Different is a relative term, however. While he might be different from Golden Heat, he was identical to the handfuls of people who have registered to "save" or "fix" OO. Unfortunately, as the Mods expressed in the "Lessons the Mods Have Learned" post, those who register to save or fix OO invariably are part of the problem.

SUPAWONDER came from a mysterious land far away, where quantity equaled quality and where using three posts to say one thing is superior to saying it in one post because � hey, man � that's TWO MORE POSTS. His first post, "This website is dying a slow death," made a striking argument for his being an idiot. One, he was concerned about the Mods having "more control than Rick," as if somehow Rick cared about that sort of thing. (This � combined with his love for 411 and InsidePulse also tended to argue for his being banned before as Golden Heat.) Two, he seemed to think that Rick read the board "for NEWBIES," which showed striking ignorance of the fact that generally Rick does not care, at all, really. Three, he naturally didn't say how he knew OO was dying, nor did he bother substantiating anything. (The fact that board and site traffic have increased in recent years probably was something he wanted to ignore.) He didn't even say how it was dying. Face AIDS? Ass Polio? Butt Rot? Tuba-Man's Knee?

Board veteran Borntorun then registered as "People" and started posting inane things alongside SUPAWONDER, perhaps to keep him company. Most of the posts were deleted because, as much fun as BTR might have been having, they were stupid, and Supes was clearly proud of garnering so many replies. Because, of course, he thought his posting was saving OO. Replies were abundant. It didn't matter that the entire audience's purpose in posting was to say, "I hate this, and I hate you. If you have to die to go away, I can live with that." This, then, was success. Evidently, in SUPAWONDER's world, the ideal message board would feature no regard for content, discussion, intelligence or the overall happiness of its posters. Indeed, since anger fuels the most posts and makes boards look more active, a board where everyone was constantly furious and constantly posting flames or offensive material without restriction would probably be the most important. But since that sort of thing generally doesn't work well at OO, SUPAWONDER was banned. Doubtless one day he will be back, and he will lead OO to glory by posting photos of George W. Bush bent over St. Anselm's sarcophagus and being rigorously sodomized by Fidel Castro while Roseanne Barr stands astride it, shitting onto communion wafers and feeding them to naked black children who've had their eyes plucked out. Or he'll just post "Crucifuckwad." And then � yes, oh yes, YES! � the Alexa ranking will go up, and OO will finally be right up there with InsidePulse and 411 in terms of numbers and content. But, until then, OOsters daily wail lamentations while rotting in their own hateful oblivion and inconsequence. See also: Crucifuckwad, Golden Heat and "Lessons the Mods Have Learned".

Sweaty Man Love
A euphemism for homosexual sex, one particularly apt for a wrestling message board. Its origin and authorship are unknown, due most likely to board wipes claiming the original thread. It's also equally likely that it originated in the OO Chat Room. Regardless, at the start, the term applied strictly to OOster "BoerboelLVR" and was used almost exclusively in reference to him. Since then it has come to be used in countless places as synonym for gay sex or as way of indicating that one poster is probably being too friendly with another poster � e.g. "I've had just about enough of your sweaty man love for Angstboy, BTR." See also: Gay Internet Love Triangle and "Interview the Person Below You."


View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Member
I'm a gigantic brain!

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Registered 8-6-2006
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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

For someone who believed that these boards were full of stupid marks, The_Insider went to emasculatingly pathetic lengths to talk to everyone here. It beggars the imagination to think that a man who registered and was banned as Stratdweller, The_Insider, Alabama Jam, SmarkySmark, Laying Low, AKS, AKSII, Humble, Giggles, Giggles2, Goldmine, Gimmick, Chowdink and Sigh could declare that the people he was talking to were inherently not worth his time � in fact, congenitally inferior to him � and do so with a straight face.

From the get-go, and in all his incarnations, The_Insider wanted us to know that he knew people in the business. Did you know that he worked with Eddie Guerrero? Brutus Beefcake? Did you know that the one time he booked Eddie Guerrero, it was so sweet and moving and life-changing that he couldn't congratulate Eddie's title win without mentioning booking him? Also, he was interested in booking X-Pac; probably not because it would have been a good promoting move, but because thinking of booking X-Pac enabled him to mention that he was thinking of booking him, which reminded people that he was a booker. He even once talked to the Honky Tonk Man! In conclusion, can he again remind you that he booked Eddie Guerrero?

It was this insistence on informing all within earshot that he was "in the business" that initially rankled the OO population. Generally speaking, we are not a board that lives and dies with up-to-the-minute unconfirmed backstage rumors about the most ephemeral minutiae. The fact that we're fans of Rick � who writes three (or two) news columns per week, usually after the news has broken and aged � is indicative of the pace at which we're happy to mosey along. In consequence of which, an anonymous promoter appearing out of the blue to say that unnamed former WWE workers (who wrestled one show of his in Canada) said that "someone Q" was "going to do something R" didn't mean buttfuck X to OO posters whose names started with any letters from A to Z, inclusive. One can chalk it up to experience with too many trolls, but it seemed initially that either Stratdweller was a troll with a faked identity, or he was vastly overstating his importance. Checks on his IP and email address confirmed the latter. In fact, in the whole history of OnlineOnslaught, the only person who's even made passing mention of his promotion is him � a phenomenon that Google indicates extends to pretty much the rest of the world (once you exclude press releases he's written himself).

Thus the first dramatic episode of "I'm in the business" unfolded with predictable skepticism and the exposure of Stratdweller's unique charm. After posting a thread in which he stated that his sources had told him ECW was coming back any day now, OOsters leapt on his obvious credibility problem � which was, plainly, that he had none and had done nothing to earn any. He then "confirmed" the rumor by stating, "I heard it from a high ranking WWE official, but I can't say who. ECW is coming back." It proved nothing. Instead of substantiating anything or apologizing for the necessity of remaining vague (to protect a sensitive source), Stratdweller lashed out at OO's "pathetic marks" who didn't understand anything because they "weren't in the business." ModSquad004 then censured him, at which point Stratdweller deleted his first post and, with it, the entire thread of replies he didn't like. He then threw fuel on the fire by starting a new thread ridiculing the ModDawg, entitled, "Modsquad is a hero because he has this board." In it, he repeated that OO was a fantasy world for marks that aren't "in the business." He was then banned.

This pattern of behavior and obvious contempt for posters informed The_Insider's subsequent behavior in � and OOsters' reactions to � all his later incarnations. Not only was it laughable that someone who harbored a tremendous loathing for internet wrestling fans bore an equally desperate need for their attention, it was also astounding that he actually then expected those same people to both need and be grateful for his "inside information." This was probably most readily apparent in his scintillating barbs about the idiocy of both the moderators and the average poster. At first, it wasn't regular posters who didn't care about his predictions for ECW, but "The ModGod" who didn't like hearing them. Later, when the Mod-only theory of hating him was disproved, he declared that posters hated only inside information, which again conveniently sidestepped the issue that maybe the message wasn't the problem, and instead maybe the messenger was an assfuck. After all, who wouldn't love a guy who called someone an idiot, then claimed he was mature enough to disagree without name-calling, all the while sending virulent U2Us (more on this later) and name-calling whenever it suited him? Shouldn't we just have accepted that he was taking the moral high ground when he said that this forum had its share of morons?

But what probably was most galling was that, for all his vaunted inside information and exclusive access to knowledge "in the business," he really didn't know that much. For every jaded post laced with affected locker-room veteran world-weariness, he posted something totally markish, like a firm belief in an ailing and embittered Bret Hart making a return to the business. Worse, his wise predictions generally evinced no greater knowledge of the business than can be accrued by reading good wrestling commentary for a year and treating potential angles with a grain of salt. Any cursory review of his posting history will reveal a few OOsters making sager and more correct predictions based off the same scant evidence. To be sure, the unpredictability and insanity of wrestling makes fools of us all, in retrospect. But oughtn't someone so deeply "in the business" have done better than the educated guesswork of longtime fans? In fact, The_Insider made it a habit to be wrong. Though he claimed to know the structure and attendance of WWE creative meetings and have a preternatural grasp of what WWE was planning, he was wrong about Orton, wrong about Eddie, wrong about Triple H and Benoit (twice), wrong about Triple H and Orton and wrong about Flair and Orton. And those were all one incarnation of his posting in one small span of time. In short, he was wrong an awful lot. What he succeeded in being right about was often little more than a 50/50 prediction obscured by much hawing and self-back-patting about his knowledge of wrestling � or predicting the return of ECW any day, if the definition of "any day" extends to "over two years from now."

In most of his guises, he could be civil, even gracious for a while. However, these periods coincided exclusively with people asking him softball "tell me about wrestling" questions and accepting his statements at face value. He accepted no other exchanges as sufficient for civility. As a result, growing skepticism and derision set The_Insider on his heels and made him more incendiary. It also made his "because I'M IN THE BUSINESS" defense/explanation for comments insufficient, and by turns, his explanations grew more furious or obfuscatory. On the latter account, he claimed would no longer back up his statements because he'd seen how others' insider information had been reacted to before. (This seemed to suggest that he thought OOsters didn't already know that he was posting again under another name and that he was fooling us by referring to reactions to "others," who were, in fact, him again.) And in one furious instance, he told posters how he "took The Stroke onto thumbtacks" and it was no big deal. But, since people didn't immediately rally round to his opinion and instead disputed it, his comments were elevated to "the truth" and those disagreeing could "go fuck [themselves]." (This whole discussion insufficiently explored the irony involved in a man's proudly announcing how he "took The Stroke" while determinedly masturbating all over a message board, to a vision of his own glory.)

As if there weren't enough irony involved, the straw that really broke the back of The_Insider's posting involved an insider term: heel. The_Insider, an insider, used it incorrectly � insofar as anyone peripherally involved in wrestling can determine. From the beginning, as Stratdweller, he talked about how the audience would "heel on" on Benoit. The audience "heeled on Rock," and fans "heeled on Sid." Finally, he posted a comment about a WWE Diva: "The crowd [had] been heeling on her. Her strong promo generated their support, but her argument still made [him] want to heel on her." In the broad experience of the members of this board, this conjugation had never appeared in any way, shape or form; nor had it appeared in any commonly accessible media; nor has it since. By a strict reading of the phrase, it suggests that the entire audience "becomes a bad guy" at a wrestling character. (How else could an audience "heel"?) Worse, it assigns the verb to the object of the action: in describing a wrestler acting like a heel and the audience reacting to him, this sentence structure says the audience "heeled" when the primary action in this relationship doesn't even lie with the audience. To put it in a different context, saying the "audience heeled on Rock," is sort of like punching your friend Dale in the face and then describing his bleeding and crying by saying, "Dale punched on me."

Regrettably, posters didn't respond to The_Insider's usage in this clinical way. Mostly, they just told him that he was using "heel" incorrectly. However, once he repeated the validity of his usage � without clarification or citation of a source other than his own mind, and with the assertion that OOsters were stupid assholes � mostly people starting telling him he was a fuckhead. He then repeated that we were all stupid, called the Mods "modgod" again, allegedly "heeled on" the Mods and closed it out with, "Fuck, just when I think this board isn't a joke, the idiots come out of the woodwork." One such idiot was ModPrime, who pointed out there is already an awesome insider term for when a crowd "heels on" a wrestler: the world calls it booing. Another such idiot was The Rick, who noted that he, too, had never heard of this usage of "heeling."

The Mods once again banned The_Insider (this time as AKS), presumably because someone who can't stand the stupidity of a bunch of assholes who are loser marks shouldn't have to suffer the indignity of being able to post with them. Of course, The_Insider's trademark genius failed him when it came to connecting the dots between his comments and his banning. This was actually a common problem. For instance, StraightShooter wondered why Alabama Jam was banned, despite being told pretty clearly. (This was a glorious troll move. In theory, OOsters were probably supposed to say, "Why, yes, stranger, you've raised some great points. We really all did miss the boat on Alabama Jam! Let's bring him back. Thank you for your completely disinterested and impartial inquiry which forced us to reconsider.") In regard to the "heeling" thread, he questioned why he was banned and wondered if "the ModGOD" was "some sort of Nazi." Evil Nazi ModGod explained the banning yet again, doing little more than dusting off the explanation for the three previous bans.

Sadly, The_Insider stopped posting here only a few months shy of seeing his "ECW is returning any day" prediction come to fruition. He garnered no pity posts or threads, and he has no fans. Even TTP managed to net a "Sincere Argument" for his reinstatement. And even Bud Ellock inspired genuine silly laughter with "The Big Shit" and the rich joys of schadenfreude the rest of the time. The_Insider did none of these. He inspired so much loathing that even jokes at his expense � The_Real_Insider, Deep_Insider and Came_Insider � made people so angry that they suspected it was just him arguing with himself from duplicate accounts. Deep_Insider mimicked him well enough that even board members with good senses of humor were willing to take his posts at face value. If Bud Ellock hadn't accelerated the demand for moderators, and if TTP hadn't stalked OO board members, The_Insider would probably earn the award for biggest asshole. There are OOsters who wouldn't condescend to piss in his throat if his tonsils were on fire.

Finally, lest you think that self-indulgence or groupthink railroaded a guy with just a few rough edges � a guy who was a little misunderstood and could have been a really great member of this community if people had just given him a fair shake � here are the sorts of U2Us he enjoyed writing to anyone who disagreed with him:
    To One Poster:
    Are you 13? That is the only way I can explain your ignorance. Ofcourse I said what I said to get flamed...because you fanboy morons actually spend the time attacking me. And why do you attack me? For actually knowing things that you idiots only pretend to know. But it's can relax. The ModGod banned me, thus living out his lifelong wet dream of pretending to be powerful in this business. Keep being a jerkoff on a message board while the rest of us actually exist in the business. We're the ones in the locker rooms laughing at the marks like you...just ask

    To Another Poster:
    Greta shot at that all you have? You must be a 13 year you live in the same basement as the ModGod? Heavin forbid you possess the knowledge and ability to debate me...nah. You guys just see fit to try to quiet me because someone with real knowlegde and experience is a threat to your world of makebelieve. Now go fuck yourself.

    To ModSquad, Part I:
    What the fuck's the problem now? It's okay to sit back and watch your fanboy cohorts insult me, but if I do it (in a much more creatvie way) I get banned again? Give me a break. Let me are 13 years old and this is your life long dream right? Grow up and show some goddamn respect.

    To ModSquad, Part II:
    No, i do not use that wit to book my promotion. I use intelligence and creativity. In conversing with you, neither is needed. With your ability to string together ridiculous posts, I would suggest you book a promotion, except that would probably violate your wet dream of just sitting in your mom's basement being a powerful outsider who gets to ban people on message boards. Whatever I am, I am in the business and you're not. Which means I have acomplished far more then a fanboy like you could ever hope to acomplish. I don't need to moderate a forum to feel good about myself.

    For the record, I only mentioned by being Stroked on tacks because someone else doubted I actually knoew how it felt to be buped on tacks. That is the difference between guys like you and guys like me - I have the balls to take risks for the business I love. You sit back and pretend to know what you're talking about. The fact that you're saying I get banned because the people doing the flaming have been here longer only proves what kind of moron you are. [Note from the Mods: this is not what he was told. He was told that of the two solutions to his flaming problem, banning him made more sense than banning 30 posters of good standing who had never been a problem before he showed up. Unsurprisingly, he managed to pervert this into a statement that painted him as a victim.]

    This is not a public forum - it's a forum for ignorant fanboys who have no clue what the business is about and have no desire to know. Why don;t you all start a backyard fed together - you have that mentality. So go ahead and ban me. My only crime was being insulted. No problem. Ask Rick if he minds not getting the info from me from time to time because his hand picked Mods are fucking it up and pissing me off.* Unban me and have the balls to debate me. Without your mod powers, you're just a gutless fuck hiding behind his mommies computer...fanboy.

    Now wise up...

* � If "the info" is what led him to pick storyline developments and match outcomes with less accuracy than a random educated poster, or what led him to announce the return of ECW without confirmation and two years off the mark, it's safe to say that Rick has been able to bear the deprivation. See also: Big Shit, Bud Ellock, ModGod, "Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of TopTenPro, TTP, User-Deleted Posts.

Thread Merge/Move Glitch
Occasionally when the Mods have to move a thread from one forum to another, or merge two threads together, a board software glitch blanks out posts within the thread. On very rare occasions, a whole thread has been lost when moving it from one forum to another. (Apparently, they still remain visible in Mod tools, but aren't accessible by members.) The more common glitch involves posts from one thread getting blanked out when they are merged with posts from another. The glitch has no predictable cause or likelihood of occurring. Unfortunately, since the threads most likely to be moved are usually comically bad, most of the posts lost have been memorably awful � like a "return of Brocksucks" thread for example.

Yet another incarnation of LeeF/NoNameRequired/HulkRulez, which suggests that we may never know how many parachute accounts he had. TigerChungLee's shining moment came when he announced he was leaving the board after having collected enough data on "passion" for his psychology dissertation. One guesses this was intended to make everyone think he was trolling threads and provoking them for some sort of higher purpose � or that we'd all been masterfully played by someone who viewed us all as little interactive toys. The fact that he was registered as "LeeF" less than two months later suggests that maybe his doctoral committee had problems with his research. See also: HulkRulez, LeeF, "Monday Recap", NoNameRequired and Troll Posters.

"Top Five of Anything"
The third OO mega-thread created, "Top Five of Anything" was the creation of veteran poster 2HoT. The title speaks for itself: make a top-five list of absolutely anything and post it. Sometimes lists are serious and respond to or argue with previous lists, but they are just as often unrelated and happily frivolous. The only rule is that item number one in the list should be the best. 2HoT originally posted it during a lull in activity in September, 2003, and it has since garnered almost 1,500 replies. See also: "The 'Fuck' List" and "OO's Six Degrees of Federation."

Better known as TTP, TopTenPro was banned from OO as DHMBAM, BAMDHM, TopTenPro, TimeToPlay, SeamoreTheDonkey, GuessWhosBack, VanMilder, and Jeopardy, and is arguably the worst poster in OO history. Or, if you're someone he thought could help him make friends and get unbanned, he's probably better known as, "That creepy guy who emailed you for two years and stalked the message board and its personalities." But let us not get ahead of the story.

TTP began his OO career as DHMBAM, making his first post an announcement that he was "quitting wrestling." The thread was called "The Towel" � and if craptacular formatting, spelling and grammatical errors in an unstructured freeform whine didn't signal that the author was a total boob, his apparent blindness to the irony of someone registering on a message board to announce that they were quitting wrestling certainly did. It also didn't help that he was especially snide about his arguments. When everyone pretty strongly disagreed with his post, he replied (under the header, "Prove me Right, everytime"), "I am loving this! Everytime someone says I am wrong and then mentions 'guys who care about the business' I laugh. Jerico, Benoit, and a whole bunch of others that the smarts love. Why do they love the business? Answer that question." After "quitting" wrestling, DHMBAM went on to start a few new threads, before finally being banned for a thread entitled "How Dare you !" that featured nothing more than the run-on sentence, "This is a must read post do not skip it over !" It provoked the normally temperate ModDawg to call him a moron and a fucknut before banning him. Later that day, TTP was back as "BAMDHM" � an even bigger "board heel" � but was banned almost instantly for posting the same post nine times in a row. (All nine were deleted.) He claimed it was merely a board error, but since nothing close to that level of error had ever happened before, and since he'd already gone to great effort to cast himself as an attention-whoring heel, the Mods were disinclined to believe him.

Finally, he registered as TopTenPro � a name that stuck primarily because of his continued use of it in the chat room. TTP was supposed to be a more know-it-all heel; his first post was an allegedly definitive top-ten list, a posting trend that started unremarkably and accreted "annoying" with every subsequent post. He also started out in classic banned-guy fashion, by replying to "The Towel," his first-ever thread and acting like he didn't know DHMBAM. He even thanked DHMBAM for "taking heat" off him. He then replied to other DHMBAM threads, bumping them back to the top of the forum pages despite a complete lack of interest on everyone else's behalf. He even complimented himself; who'd have thought? Unfortunately, the TTP-DHMBAM connection wasn't immediately apparent to the Mods, as his use of AOL dial-up gave him a changing IP address. For a while the Mods suspected TTP was a triumphant return of none other than Bud Ellock. It didn't matter. TTP's dedication to top-ten lists, old-school wrestling superiority, crapping on almost all current workers and being a snot entirely without provocation helped to alienate him from the boards on his own unique merits.

Still, members like Folby, Borntorun and LuckyLopez all made efforts to offer advice and corrections to smooth TTP's rough edges and make his enthusiasm for his wrestling favorites more palatable. It didn't help. His schtick never abated or went away; posters eventually threw up their arms in defeat and disgust. It's these efforts � and TTP's tenacious devotion to repeatedly demonstrated negative behavior � that militate against the charge that he was run off the board by a Hive Mentality bent on crucifying some newbie just to have something to do. TTP's persistent idiocy and smug attitude were ample enough to equal or independently generate any innate desire others had to pick on someone. More to the point, his 82-post run should never have existed had the Mods been able to tell that he was someone banned twice already for idiocy and trolling. (They certainly wouldn't have laughed off his demanding that a Mod be banned for making a crack about him.) All the same, the backlash against the backlash against TTP came first from occasional-columnist Eoghann Irving, later by columnist Matt Hocking. Their comments were thoughtful and are still worth discussing today, but as regards TTP, they were wasted. A month after his banning as TTP, he confessed to his negative behavior when he said, "TopTenPro... was a destined to fail name. It was pompous, and did not listen to reason, just the fact that TTP was always right. If you did not answer TTP in the way I saw acceptable, a top ten list, then you were up for attack." Whatever lingering validity there might have been in seeing TTP as the victim of a pack of predatory board vets with nothing better do was instantly dispelled by this later confession.

TTP was banned on February 9, 2004, but it wasn't until roughly 20 months later that he left OOsters alone. His response to the banning should have been a warning of the months to come. Instead of realizing that a third ban, you know, said something, TTP started writing emails. Thus began his stalking of the message board and certain individual posters. His shotgun-style mass email to any OOster who'd been faintly nice to him and displayed an email address in his or her profile apparently landed a blow on Borntorun, who posted "A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of TopTenPro." (Bear in mind, again, that this thread and all subsequent discussion would likely not have occurred had anyone then known that the ban in question was his third.) It may well be one of BTR's biggest regrets on this board. Nonetheless, a healthy and civil discussion about the OO Hive Mentality ensued, in which the consensus was that TTP was still a moron, but that all posters could be more gracious to newbies.

Thus the Mods allowed TTP to register a new profile for a second chance and a fresh start. TopTenPro registered as TimeToPlay, and that gesture of stupid vanity basically fucked him then and there. Posters were civil for the most part, tolerating his emasculating apologies and responding with genuine advice. His misspelling of "aviator" for "avatar" when praising Rick Scaia's Brutus Beefcake avatar led Angstboy to Photoshop a pair of aviator glasses on The Barber. TTP's post count was upped to 100, and he was given a smaller version of the image for an avatar. In all, things were going okay until TTP posted pictures of a fat nude woman in this thread. (The post was deleted, as TTP attached the image to the post.) He wasted his second chance, violated the Stupid Clause and was banned for the second time (fourth overall). He responded by sending another barrage of "Help Me!" emails to board members, by registering a new account and by haunting the chat room. The new account, SeamoreTheDonkey, was not only an amazing misspelling of "Seymour" but also a clever disguise for the initials STD. He even managed to reprise the classic troll move of bumping his old banned persona's threads to the top. He fooled OOsters for a handful of posts before people returned to sniping at the banned character. He outed himself by trying to help out "TTP" by providing a picture "TTP was talking about in chat." Even so, this wasn't enough to ban him.

Instead, TTP eroded the final lingering vestige of any sympathy anyone might have had by impersonating columnist Erin Anderson in the chat room for roughly half an hour. (Both Erin and TTP used AOL dial-up; there was no way to tell them apart so long as he maintained the ruse.) He was banned for the third (fifth) time shortly thereafter. TTP responded by registering yet another account, GuessWhosBack, and posting a thread where he outed his identities, admitted his sins and then started bargaining. Having been banned five times, apparently he felt he had some good leverage with which to extract concessions from a message board admin staff and populace that had unequivocally told him to fuck off and die. The Mods left the thread open and told OOsters to vent freely. The resulting thread offered an overwhelming demonstration of communal loathing. TTP repeatedly said that he merely wanted to be "excepted" [sic] by the forum and that he would do anything to make that happen. When confronted with concrete evidence that this was impossible, it was probably understandable that board members assumed he would finally get the hint. He didn't. He was banned a sixth time and then registered four days later as VanMilder, before being outed and banned for the seventh time. Four days after that, he registered again as Jeopardy before being outed by ModPrime. TTP then posted a new thread where he had the audacity to argue that there had been no reason to ban some of his identities and that, regardless, he would be back. ModPrime then blew up and told him to fuck off and never again ask for his phone number.

Since his eighth banning, TTP has not registered at the boards again. But he maintained his e-stalking of several board members for the next 20 months or so. Since the banning of TopTenPro, he had begun emailing ModPrime (sending him his phone number), LuckyLopez, Markout, Borntorun, Jeb, Doublee, Angstboy and assorted other board members. Once he stopped posting entirely, he had plenty of free time to devote to both these emails and his weekly appointment with being insulted and kicked out of the chat room. TTP also joined CRZ's message board, fast setting the record for most threads sent to the banished folder (including an encore presentation of "The Towel"). It's from there that we were able to learn much about his personal life. Specifically: that he's a single parent, manages an Applebee's � and apparently when waitresses he assumes he's dating tell him that they're just friends (presumably before Human Resources puts his name in a file somewhere), he throws a fit and posts their personal information in a thread called "Woman!" on a message board.

Amusingly, he also had an exchange with CRZ over several months that mirrored his exchange with ModSquad, right down to the asking for and offering of telephone numbers. (TTP was eventually banned there as well. CRZ revealed the exchange in a CRZ's World thread called "Don't You Wish You Were Me?") The matter of telephone numbers was less innocuous than it sounds. While TTP for the most part stalked the OnlineOnslaught message boards, his behavior toward a few people (mostly Jeb) became deeply unsettling. Haunting the chat was annoying, but when he'd yell from another chat room, "Hey, Jeb, you still living in Gainesville at the *** number?" it was profoundly creepy. If you blocked TTP with your mail filter, he created a new AOL profile and emailed from that one. If you blocked his AIM identity, he created a new AIM profile and IMmed from that one. He emailed, IMmed, PMmed on other message boards and occasionally asked people if they had your phone number. It was only by breaking almost every psychologist's rule about dealing with stalkers and having a long uncomfortable chat with TTP that Jeb was able to persuade him to leave the rest of the board, board members and the chat room alone. TTP has not been heard from since, and we're all crossing our fingers that this entry doesn't bring him back to the board in an internet variation of saying the names "Candyman" or "Beetlejuice" over and over. See also: Bud Ellock, Chat Room History, "A Sincere Argument for the Reinstatement of TopTenPro" and The Stupid Clause.

Troll Posters
A generic term for a group of extremely annoying pre-Mod posters that was distinct from the Shit Posters. Though many trolls have visited the board in subsequent years, none had the longevity of these, who were principally comprised of: Bud Ellock, HoganHoganHogan and Hulkrulz/LeeF//LeeF's Mom/LeeF's Dad/Bonestein's Mom/TigerChungLee/NoNameRequired (all one person). While the Shit Posters seemed to shy away from wrestling discussion and instead deal directly in personal attacks, board-politics-related attacks, and general "u-r-a-faggot"-style posts, the troll posters engaged the OO faithful on wrestling matters first. None of these people, at least not in these incarnations, resorted to foul pictures or outright board assault. Instead, by making at least a token attempt to have opinions on wrestling (and opinions on opinions), they ate up countless more man-hours of argumentation, quoting, counter-argumentation and general frustration than did any one idiotic poll or linked image. A good argument can be made for The_Insider being the worst troll poster of all. See also: Bud Ellock, The Big Shit, HoganHoganHogan, Hulkrulz, LeeF/Brett and The_Insider.

See: TopTenPro

A forum that used to be found under WRESTLING; its biggest claim to fame is that it launched Shastar/Big Danny T into the limelight as a main-page recapper. Its stated purpose was to be a home for show critiques and review, but the difference between that and wrestling news was difficult to discern. Often, critiques of RAW went into the wrestling news forum and not TV/EVENT CRITIQUES because, well, new shows and their results also counted as news. For a while, both forums seemed to coexist fairly successfully, with TV/EVENT CRITIQUES housing more long-form show reviews and recaps. Eventually, however, the news forum took primacy, which became a self-perpetuating condition. Since it was busier, more people posted in it instead of TV/EVENT CRITIQUES. The busier the news forum got, the more people posted, and the more the critiques forum went unused. Eventually its threads were merged into CURRENT WRESTLING, and the empty forum was deleted. See also: Forum Purges.


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I'm a gigantic brain!

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Registered 8-6-2006
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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

Ultra Magnus
Ultra Magnus was the most informed poster that CE ever saw and was no slouch when it came to baseball, either. While he may not have been the most educated or most credentialed poster in CE � it's anyone's guess who is � Magnus was by far the most able to whip out a half-dozen citations on almost any subject at a moment's notice. Regardless of the situation, his command of information regarding what had been printed that day in newspapers, what the reaction was in the liberal blogosphere and (even more impressively) the most popular and common replies in the right-wing blogosphere staggered the imagination and often beggared any response. This doubtless sounds like so much nostalgic adulation, but a quick look at any old multipage CE thread will show Magnus deftly responding to accusations or philippics with links to both current and respected news sources, blogs that have "even more current than current" news and also the blogs and comments of the rightist opposition. His posts exuded this sort of easy facility best in his epic confrontations with Krydor. While Krydor's penchant for sometimes referencing dodgy sources (while simultaneously linking to commentary that questioned the mainstream sources used to start the debate) would have sidelined a less-informed poster or eased him into the quagmire of the sort of "source debate" that Krydor excels at, Magnus' ability to spread a half-dozen links while pushing through with an issue often stymied Krydor's minutiae-driven feints while propelling discussion forward to a point where it was more entertaining for both of them. Bottom line: nobody misses Magnus more than Krydor, not even the board lefties who deeply miss Magnus doing most of their research for them.

Magnus brought an equal command of data and news to baseball discussions. As a diehard Red Sox fan, his discussions with Yankee fan LuckyLopez were informationally equal to his debates with Krydor, though far friendlier and pleasant to read. Lucky's attitude toward Magnus following Boston's game seven collapse in 2003 couldn't have been more respectful; and Magnus' response to the Yankee's game seven collapse in 2004 was the same. His contributions to baseball discussion are as woefully infrequent as they were colorfully intelligent. Ultra Magnus de facto retired from the board around the same time that the Sox won the World Series in 2004. Though he had posted a "Gone Fishin'" avatar on a few occasions when he felt burnout or nastiness steal in upon him in the past, this last fishin' trip has been more or less permanent, seeing only one- or two-post returns over a span of months. Magnus left the board in response to deeply personal matters that are his own and will not be mentioned here. For an interesting synthesis of Magnus' political and baseball enthusiasms, see the post that won Mod Award for "Best Fuck," from The 'Fuck' List, in the 2004 Boardies. See also: Boardie Awards, CE and The 'Fuck' List.

Ultra Magnus Is Boston Rob
This was a joking suggestion made by Krydor, but it became a recurring joke based in part on Ultra Magnus' habit of taking time off from the boards. Krydor's assertion was that: (a) Magnus was from Boston; (b) Magnus kept leaving for extended periods of time; ergo, he was, in fact, Survivor's "Boston Rob," because his absences coincided with momentous events in Boston Rob's life. Note: Magnus never really denied it. Nothing but non-denial denials, which just rang so hollow. The lying celebrity bastard.

Use the Search Function
Often said by the Mods (makes sense) and often said by Bigfatgoalie (not sure why), "Use the search function" is both an aggrieved refrain and sage advice. Many people who join message boards are convinced of the originality of their thoughts, complaints, questions and discoveries of neato flash movies from sites with names like Thus self-empowered, they say the same thing uttered in an existing thread, complain about something already complained about in a recent thread, ask a question asked in a recent thread or post a link to the coolest new internet meme that's already been posted once, twice or half a dozen times. This will never change. New board members on any board will listen more to the voice in their head that says, "What you have to say is new, wonderful and something that everyone will feel rewarded just for reading," and likely never countenance the other voice in their head that says, "You know, if you thought of it, maybe some lesser human might have stumbled on the same idea. Maybe you should take some of your time, Lord Twatface, and check on that." Thus the support for the board search function. It is neither perfect nor definitive, but the effort to use it � to check for keywords and their recent use or maybe whole web addresses for "cool videos" � is neither taxing nor time-consuming. A multitude of duplicating sins can be forgiven by the simple addition of, "I did a board search for this link and some keywords and found nothing." But no one will hold his or her breath about this becoming the norm. This entry is here because most people won't even make that effort, and probably half the people reading it will have been sent here because they've already shown that they won't make the effort. And the cycle of the Mods closing threads after posting a link to a perfectly valid existing open thread on the same subject will continue. In conclusion, have you seen the ROFLcopter??? It's awesome! It's a ROFL! COPTER!!! DOT COM!!!

User-Deleted Posts
After Rick updated the board software, posters and Mods were pleased to discover features never before available on the OO boards. While the Mods got to delete all posts by one user in one fell swoop, users discovered that they too could delete their own posts. Unfortunately, as Bud Ellock (posting as "Norm") discovered, deleting the first post of a thread deleted the whole thread and took everyone else's post with his. When criticized in one thread he started, he deleted the entire thread. Then he set about removing every post others had been critical of in a thread where he had been talking about Bugs Bunny. His deleting spree even extended to a Post Count Celebration, which prompted a comment and this picture from Salmonjunkie. The Mods passed this info on to Rick, who tweaked the board software so posters could still edit their posts but could not delete them. Later, during a one-week period when Rick restored the delete function, it was immediately abused by The_Insider (as "Stratdweller"). Rick suspended the user-deletion function again, and it has not been restored since. On the bright side, these two incidents further show that there's almost no distinction between The_Insider, a self-proclaimed brilliant promoter "in the business" and a half-wit troll jerking off on a message board to pass away the afternoon hours. See also: Bud Ellock, Post Count Celebrations, Software Update and The_Insider.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

Though Vaidin is nowhere near the smarkiest person the OO board has ever seen � in fact, he seemed almost proudly, smarkily Anti-Smark � he may have inadvertently written the smarkiest post in OO history. Looking back now on Vaidin's posting history, it's difficult to get much sense of how deeply irritating he could be. For one thing, he posted at the same time as The_Insider and many of his aliases, so some of Vaidin's more terrible posts were probably deleted along with the even worse threads that The_Insider started. For another, several posters have followed in the "smarkily Anti-Smark" path, making his posts seem less unique in the fullness of time. Back then, however, it was still somewhat refreshingly annoying to read someone write a post like, "'Wrestler's court'? Can you prove there's a wrestler's court? Or is this just something you 'heard'? Also, 'people' don't like JBL? Can you prove that 'people' don't like JBL? Also, who's this 'JBL'? SOURCE???" While this came off as Anti-Smark, because it relied on questioning whatever other people took as a given, it could just as easily have been a troll act designed to enrage others and waste their time. After all, he did write perhaps the smarkiest post in OO history, one that explained on what criteria he judged a "good" match: [bullets added and paragraphs joined to save space]
    I'll list a number of different aspects of wrestling and give percentages equaling up to a 100 to show how much each matters to me.
    � Psychology (25%): How a wrestler uses his offensive maneuvers and other non-selling actions to further the story of the match, the angle, and the characters of the wrestlers.
    � Selling (25%): The way a wrestler sells not only for individual moves, but also for the impact that these moves take on the wrestler throughout the match. One can also sell emotions such as frustration in a match since the point of selling is to show what effect other wrestlers have on each other with their actions.
    � Transitioning (20%): How a wrestler flows from move to move in a match. This also includes how well a wrestler communicates with another wrestler during the match plus how well a wrestler can "carry" another wrestler through the match.
    � Pacing (10%): How the speed of the match is used to build up the match from the beginning to the middle to the end.
    � Execution (20%): The way a wrestler executes his/her moves in order to make them look as strong as possible with the least amount of actual damage done.
    Nothing else significantly matters to me as far as good wrestling goes, but there are many other aspects that do play a part in wrestling. Like bumping, moveset, charisma, and playing to the crowd for example. The last thing I want to mention is that I debated with myself whether or not to include "carrying" in transitioning because it could really go into it's own category, but I thought most of it that we could see in the match is in the transitioning.
The post goes on in that vein. Vaidin disappeared a handful of posts and months later, to the stated dismay of no one. See also: Smarks and The_Insider.

Despite plagiarizing nearly everything else he wrote, it seems like SpinningToeHold was telling the truth when he said that a second honeymoon to Greece brought him the elixir of the gods, Vergina. While it might have been a perfectly tasty "premium lager beer," it was much more valuable as a source of constant sex jokes. The thread saw OOsters hilariously hitting on all cylinders and almost thoroughly exhausting every vaginal/verginal joke imaginable. See also: SpinningToeHold and Splugen.


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

Usually preceded by "Here comes the..." and spelled in God knows how many dozens of ways, "The Waaahhhmbulance" was popularized by FusionFistCutter. What it is isn't clear. Is an ambulance coming to cart away someone who can't stop crying like a baby? Is the person crying like a baby making as much noise as an ambulance? Are they driving it? All we do know is that FFC started mentioning the Waaahhhmbulance long, long ago, and it has since been adopted by innumerable posters trying to indicate that someone else is needlessly and excessively crying like a little bitch. More links to its usage would be provided here, but with the varied spelling of Waaahhhmbulance and with wrestling's (both WWE and OOWF) profusion of carted-off-in-an-ambulance stories, a board search for "Waaahhhmbulance" brings up nothing while a search for "bulance" brings up too many results to bother with.

Wankipedia FAQ and Response Thread
This thread has been set aside for replies to the Wankipedia, for two reasons. On one hand, the Wankipedia Staff hated the idea of going to all the effort of creating this document, only to see the thread degenerate into flame wars and bitter feuds over aspects of certain entries. (The Wankipedia Staff certainly hopes this doesn't become the case.) Admittedly, this was a vain and selfish desire to see the thread permanently retain its integrity. However, the decision to make an official response thread emerged as a necessity rather than a preference.

The XMB software evidently sets an upper limit on the number of characters that can be entered into a posting field. What this means is that, in the future, entries like "C" and "T" may need to be broken into two consecutive posts just to accommodate all the text, and all subsequent entries will need to be bumped down the thread to make room. However, this would be impossible if the 25th post in the thread was by an OOster other than "Wankipedia." In that event, it would be necessary to split out all the responses into an independent Wankipedia Response Thread so that "Wankipedia" could make the 25th post in this one. (It would be no good adding the response posts back into the Wankipedia thread, as the board software organizes posts by date, regardless of where they're being moved from.) In short, the thread was made now because it probably would have had to be made later.

"We hang out in real life."
One sentence that signals that, at some point, in some thread, at some future date, two or more posters stand a good chance of annoying you. Although most people try to avoid it, those who know each other in real life eventually post what is basically a private message to each other in a public post on a public forum, usually in the form of an inside joke. OO is already riddled with inside jokes as it is, so taking an inside-joke forum and posting an inside-joke message that is further removed from other people's understanding by being a reference to something that happened between two people in corporeal reality is cryptologically about as necessary as locking a coded message in a small safe in a medium safe in a large safe, then throwing the safe to the bottom of the ocean near a large sign that says, "Area patrolled by Kraken." Of course, this may not be intentional, and even if it is, it may not be intended to sound "exclusive." Each poster will have his own interpretation. Those with real-life friends on the boards probably see no harm in references, while those outside those relationships may see idle crap better suited for U2U or instant-message chat. Instances of real-life friends posting on the boards include FusionFistCutter and Benoitbrokemyneck, Angstboy and Borntorun and Operation Retard (who met through the boards), Slade and Niles Anderson, and Jeb and Rocky "BigInJapan" Swift. See also: Gay Internet Love Triangle.

Whiny Smark Lexicon
Not so much a dictionary as it is a collection of staple comments and complaints from smarks on this board and dozens of others. The stereotypical smark complaints that comprise the Whiny Smark Lexicon are: Vince, his love for big men, his steroid use, how be botched the Invasion, how he wanted to punish WCW, how he won't listen to Heyman/keeps screwing Heyman/is blinded by nepotism, how he's on TV too much, how he screwed Bret, how he molests women; Russo was overrated, sucks, found Jesus, won the belt, put the belt on David Arquette; Triple H, his nose, his long promos, how he won't turn face, how he's boring, how we should call him "Mrs. Stephanie McMahon"; Undertaker, "LAZYTAKER," Undertaker won't sell, Undertaker is keeping a place on the roster that someone who worked every show could take, Undertaker should retire; RVD keeps getting screwed; Jerry Lynn was screwed; Bret was screwed by Vince/Shawn/The Yeti/Earl Hebner; Goldberg sucks, killed Bret, was on 'roids, asks for too much money; cruiserweights are buried, have matches that are too short, are not on TV, are getting SCREWED by Vince/Triple H/Undertaker; WWE is badly written by Hollywood Writer Monkeys, Writer Monkeys, Monkeys and The Yeti; Benoit, Jericho, Christian, Edge, Foley, Flair, Steamboat, Bret, Mr. Perfect, RVD, Ultimo Dragon and/or Eddie Guerrero are (in any combination or individually) GOD; some shit about Japanese people you've never heard of, don't care to, won't care about; all matches are too short; there's too much crash TV; tell the story in the ring; "It was what it was"; "Good for what it was"; "Match was just there"; "DUD"; hosses; any star-based rating system or method of reviewing matches by calculating and adding different factors or making averages; you can't powerbomb Kidman; Orange Goblin, Flexxy Lexxy, Ruler of the Squirrels, Squeegee, Safety Scissors, Fingerpoke of Doom; ad infinitum, ad absurdum. If you're reading this entry and don't know all of these complaints intimately, don't worry. Give it two weeks; you will. See also: Rickisms, Smarks, Vaidin and Writer Monkeys.

Posing an eternal question, this awful (and awfully funny) thread was once the most legendarily long and long-lasting on the OO boards. It once spanned a mighty 13 pages � an almost olympic length at the time � then sunk back to five or six after the Great Board Wipe, then got to 11 pages or so, then got cut back by another board wipe, then slunk back to about eight pages before being mercifully closed by the Mods. The question was originally posed by Ryan O Reily, a soon-to-be Shit Poster who not only couldn't spell the name of the character that inspired his board handle but also would register countless new names on the board. The discussion quickly dissolved into a pissing contest between Shithousepoet/Captian Mayhem (two handles, one person) and NoNameRequired/HulkRulez (also only one person). After dragging on in apparent unkillable stupidity for a long while, regular OOsters co-opted it for the sake of making jokes. For a while, it was quite fun, before being dragged back down into the stygian pit of message-board flame accounts and dick-waving. All the same, it was remembered fondly as a long, useless thread, and remained the longest in OO history until eclipsed by threads like "OO's Six Degrees of Federation" and "The 'Fuck' List."

One funny side note of "WHO BEAT DEBRA?": because some OOsters displayed a white-hot rage whenever it got bumped back to the top (asking questions like, "WHY THE FUCK WOULD SOMEONE BUMP THIS PIECE OF SHIT AGAIN?!?!?!!? STOP IT!!!"), other OOsters started bumping the thread like crazy and delighting in how much their outraged fellow posters were feeding the trolls. In fact, the most brutal bumps back to the top consisted of people waiting until the thread was dormant for days or weeks, then asking, "Why did someone bump this back to the top?" when it was, in fact, their post doing the bumping. Needless to say, those most easily angered by the existence of the thread went almost apoplectic at these kinds of bumps, which in turn made them all the more fun to do. See also: "The 'Fuck' List", "OO's Six Degrees of Federation," Shit Posters, "Top Five of Anything" and Troll Posters.

"Who cares? She looks like a horse."
After a whopping 12 posts over a year and a half, Dangerboy started a thread in Parts Unknown announcing his engagement and posting a picture of his fianc�e. The very first reply was Fsolomon commenting on the pearl necklace the fianc�e was holding by saying that, if she liked pearl necklaces, he could give her one. Sensing that Dangerboy's post could lead nowhere good, ModPrime stepped in to announce he was closing the thread for several reasons. One, OO is not MySpace. You can't just start exposing really personal matters until you've given OOsters a chance to get to like you and a reason to invest in you emotionally. Prime cited Tarheelmike's confessions about his wife's infidelity, which came several hundred posts into Mike's time on the boards. Two, Dangerboy had posted 12 times, which meant that meeting the criteria in point #1 was pretty much impossible. Three, since nobody knew the guy, the chances of someone dismissing or flaming him with comments like, "Who cares?" and, "She looks like a horse," were probably inevitable. While Prime was writing his post, Fsolomon posted his ejaculate-related reply, thus proving Prime's point. Three posts later, Bonestein joined Prime's two comments in a flawless, understated zinger, "Who cares? She looks like a horse." The catchphrase was born. It has since been used in countless varied situations. It was the first reply when George Banks/The Evil Wizard announced his pointless Coliseum Review Site. Folby used it when talking about the engagement of Diva Mickie. Canadian Bulldog used it against habitual user, Optard, and ModPrime even broke down and used it against Dangerboy in the thread that led to his banning. Lastly, Operation Retard photoshopped a horse's face onto the picture of Dangerboy's then-fianc�e and made it his avatar. It's likely to get a lot of work in the future. See also: Dishwashers and George Banks.

Who Wants Cod?
In an homage to the giant sig-image phenomenon on the Randy Orton fangurl board, Jeb registered there under the name of Larry Darryl Darryl and added this disgusting picture of a cod and the question, "Who wants cod?" to his signature file. (The name Larry Darryl Darryl was itself also an homage to Newhart, where actor William Sanderson portrayed a dimwit hick named Larry who introduced his dimwit hick "brother Darryl" and his dimwit hick "other brother Darryl." The name signified a triple threat of idiot.) Jeb later admitted to his identity in the chat room and to the few OOsters who bothered to ask, and went on to use it on the JTL Fan Forums. Since then, it has made occasional reappearances, usually in non-sequitur absurdist form. No one knows the story behind what happened to the poor cod, but it was probably carved into fillets, called "Chilean Sea Bass" and sold to some dumbass for $18 for a whopping 8 ounces of lightly grilled lemon-doused fishy delight. See also: JTL Fan Forum and Orton Fangurl Invasion.

"Will somebody please hurry the fuck up and EAT MY ASS?"
Probably the most overtly sexual thing the Mod Bitch has ever said; strangely quoted often enough to warrant mention. See also: Girl Safe Porn.

Word Censor
A feature of the XMB message board software, the Word Censor does pretty much what it says. In theory. Evidently it doesn't work about 75% of the time. When it does, however, it doesn't censor words like shit, fuck or "Ahmed Johnson." OO has never been a puritanical place. Instead, it censors idiocy: more specifically, misspellings, errors or whiny internet clich�s. For instance, the misspelling D-E-F-I-N-A-T-E-L-Y gets changed to DEFINITELY; R-E-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S is changed to I cannot spell 'ridiculous'; T-H-U-S-L-Y gets changed to 'thusly' is not a word, and a few others that apparently don't seem to work at all. See also: Ahmed Johnson and Writer Monkeys.

One of the original forums on the message boards, "Merch" was designed for discussion about the latest WWE and indy merchandise and tapes. The forum saw a brief flurry of activity in 2002 when some posters tried to set up tape-trading deals. Rick quashed this scenario, however, as he didn't wind to be held legally liable for any scams or thefts that might have ensued. "Merch" was one of the most inactive forums in the board's history, and its contents were deleted or dispersed accordingly during the first forum purge. See also: Forum Purges.

Writer Monkeys
Often "Hollywood Writer Monkeys," this term was coined by Rick Scaia in his columns to refer to the C-grade sitcom writers hired by WWE's writing staff. While the appellation was initially appropriate and funny � and, objectively speaking, it still is � Rick has driven it into the ground over a year and thus inadvertently contributed to the "Whiny Smark Lexicon." As a result, roughly half the posts that feature a comment about the poor writing of current WWE shows will feature a citation of the stupid "Writer Monkeys" or "Hollywood Writer Monkeys." Often these execrations involve a poster's righteous condemnation of people who blindly follow formulae or cannot conceive of original material on their own � despite the fact that repeating "Hollywood Writer Monkeys" or "Writer Monkeys" ironically and damningly exhibits the exact same shortcoming. Those snottily looking down on dimwitted hack writers with no talent for telling a good original story are themselves completely incapable of doing anything other than regurgitating someone else's ideas about wrestling while also using someone else's exact wording. In short, it's hard to avoid the impression that he who looks down on the stupid little monkeys throwing their feces in the WWE writers room is himself a witless ape playing monkey-see, monkey-do with internet wrestling smarkery. See also: Rickisms and Whiny Smark Lexicon.

"WWE's best build up in years..."
In July 2003, Bigfatgoalie broached a subject that had long been on WWE fans' minds: the coming destruction of the Jeritron 5000. He had an excellent point; Jericho wouldn't stop talking about the expense and beauty of the thing, which in wrestling signals immanent smashy-smashy. Discussion was fairly straightforward for a few posts: some old Jericho jokes, some actual discussion of how it might be destroyed. After Denethor asked if the WWE could put the belt on the Jeritron, poster Cpdevine1 blew the discussion wide open by suggesting that the Titantron was holding down the Jeritron. Suddenly personification was all the rage. The Jeritron was being shoved down the audience's throats; it was using backstage clout, etc. Angstboy pretty much kicked the whole discussion into a theater of the absurd when he made a passionate case for the Clangy Poles (the long metal poles that wrestlers would get thrown against in backstage brawls). Four consecutive posts brought mention of Bags of Popcorn, Fake Fire Extinguisher, Empty Cardboard Boxes and the Tables. And the fake arguments about inanimate objects were off! Angstboy later brought up the Stop Sign (of which people were critical for putting on matches that were mere "stop-fests") and the Cookie Sheet � both of which wound up in a recurring gag of "Stop Sign Fears Cookie Sheet." All told, the thread embodied the kind of inspired group joke and collective creative effort that makes OO such a pleasure to post at. Chief credit probably goes to Angstboy, who answered just about every loony suggestion with at least a superficial wrestling-related explanation or complaint; but that should not outshine the clever and funny contributions of at least a dozen others. After four pages, Bigfatgoalie revisited his thread, compared it to "WHO BEAT DEBRA" and apologized for the thread being only a means of jacking up post counts. The comment stank of sour grapes and desperation. Jeb later compiled many of the posts from this thread and reformatted them as a kind of chat for an edition of Crashing the Boards. See also: CRASHING THE BOARDS, "Stop Sign Fears Cookie Sheet," and "WHO BEAT DEBRA?"


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posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:44 PM Edit Post

The classic example of why the Mods ban people for importing drama from other message boards, XPW and his nemesis, R2D2, spammed up the pre-Mod OO with dozens of posts about each other. While R2D2 was clearly the bigger troll and idiot, XPW fed R2D2's need for attention by pasting links to threads on other message boards, declaring he's gay. The two seemed to exist in a symbiotic relationship, with XPW unusually focused on the habits of the other and giving him material to respond to. Both R2D2 and XPW disappeared completely by Christmas, 2002, and so far no one has missed them. Despite what some veteran OOsters suspected, neither poster seems to have been Bud Ellock/#tcb. However, they may have been Shit Posters in other guises. In one post, XPW lets Shithousepoet know that R2D2 hacked his account at another board. It's hard to imagine why these three people would know the posting habits of the others at other relatively "small market" message boards, unless they were coordinating their posting. See also: Bud Ellock, R2D2 and Shit Posters.


Y Pac
See: OO Kyle.

Year of the Creation
Before they make their first post, all new board members are listed as last active on 12-31-69 at 08:00 PM. It's tempting to indulge the notion that this is, in fact, the very beginning of time, and only the XMB software knows it, while the rest of us walk around in a shared delusion that time or reality began before New Year's eve in 1969. However, given the fact that the XMB software is so completely fucked up in so many different respects, this interpretation of the beginning of time is probably absolute horseshit. In that case, we should all just believe James Ussher.


Zeroed-Out Post Count
The term for when a Mod drops someone's post count to zero. Sometimes this happens because a poster has posted a lot, despite obviously never reading any board rules or possibly any threads at OO. In that case, it's a restart and may involve all posts being deleted so the poster can start fresh. More often, though, zeroing-out happens when a poster has an oversized avatar, usually from laziness or accident but sometimes from ignorance. (Frequently the poster's count will be set to -5, so it's not technically a zeroing.) This policy was created after years of the Mods deleting too many oversized avs, often multiple avatars from the same poster. Zeroing-out the count removes avatar privileges and is ideally intended to get posters to remember the av limits in the future � both the person with big av and other OOsters who see a post count go from 2,000 to -5 � and get posters to take a second (or even first) glance at their avatars before uploading them. According to the board rules, after hitting 100 posts again, the poster's previous post-count is restored, combined with any posts created in the interim; but the Mods have restored post counts to those who post so slowly that waiting for them to get back to 100 is excessively punitive. See also: Avatars and General Incompetence Avatar.


View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Member
I'm a gigantic brain!

Posts 100
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Mood: Greetest

posted on 8-6-2006 at 08:45 PM Edit Post
We never liked you!

Peace Out and Have a Nice Day!


The Wankipedia Staff

Editors & Writers
Angstboy, Borntorun, Canadian Bulldog, Chris is Good517, Eli, Erin Anderson, FusionFistCutter, Jeb, LuckyLopez, Markout, The ModSquads, Mooseheadjack, Operation Retard, The Rick, Salmonjunkie, Slade and 2HoT

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