I bought my smartphone based on what seemed the most logical thing: durability. I work on concrete all day, and I know that just about everyone has a phone with a cracked screen. Mine is covered with a rubber case and waterproof, so it's done it's job well, and it looks just about the same as it did when I first bought it.

Except I didn't factor in its less-than-stellar technical specifications. So now, despite being paired with a 16 GB memory card, it's operating at just a few megabytes left of its ~400; apparently, most of my apps (the ones that CAME WITH THE PHONE) can't be moved to the SD card, which at this point just has my music on it. The poor thing is chugging as best it can like a steam engine held with one sad piece of coal. And I'm a jerk and don't want to upgrade again.

I think I have a lead on how to apparently repartition my SD card and trick my phone into thinking that a partition of my size and choosing is the "main" memory of the phone, thus fixing that issue. But it's a step that shouldn't have to be taken, right? It seems to be a common enough problem, both for Android devices and iPhones, but it seems I'm in the minority of actually getting annoyed by the idea that I don't want to buy a new phone every 18 months. Because let's be honest: the inability to upgrade a phone's core memory without tricks or upgrades is NOT a design oversight. Then again, it wasn't until 2014 since I started using mobile Internet, so what the hell do I know? Maybe I'm the asshole who doesn't get with the times as I complain that REAL music was back in my day. [Ed. Note: what you can shift over to your SD card is very much specific to your make and model, as some manufacturers really lock it down tight, which is annoying. That said, hey, at least you got a phone with an SD slot for music/media! My latest phone -- which I grudgingly selected because of its superiority in all other specs -- doesn't, because all those companies want you to believe that data storage is something that costs $20 per month so you can have 100 GB in "the cloud" (or expand your data plan so you can pay to stream all media), when I can get as many 64 GB memory cards as I want for a one-time payment of $15 each. Fricking theives! For my part, I'm trying to puzzle out how to get Plex Media Server to work with my NAS hard drive, to bypass the whole crooked system, and will report back if I ever unravel the mystery.]

Well, at least we all agree that back in my day, wrestling was still cool and fun, but I guess they could be doing worse than this "New Era." Let's see what they were up to for SmackDown this week.

Segment 1: It's Dean Ambrose who hits the ring, during which we get a recap of him destroying the greatest jacket ever. Ambrose has a mic and says that he and Chris Jericho are now even: Jericho kills Mitch the Iconic Plant, so Ambrose kills the Iconic Jacket. Heh.

But Ambrose doesn't stand long on pleasantries or jokes, and he turns serious as he reminds us that Jericho tried to end his career by assaulting him a few weeks ago, so it's “eye for an eye” as Ambrose wants to take away everything from Jericho. Specifically: Ambrose wants to take Jericho's ego, and hurt him so badly that Jericho will not only no longer be too ashamed to claim to be the best in the world, but that he'll question is very existence.

Ambrose is cut off as the lights go off as Jericho's blue pyros come on. But there is an overly pregnant pause as even Jericho's stage lights turn off. When they come back on, Ambrose is face-down in the ring, with Jericho standing over him. Jericho has a prop in a duffle bag, and withdraws a straitjacket from it. He forces it on Ambrose, then beats the shit out of him, and he can't fight back. Ambrose does get in like two kicks, but then Jericho thumbs him in the eye and hits him with a Codebreaker. Only then do refs arrive to separate them... but he hits a second Codebreaker anyway as refs try to free Ambrose. Jericho then exits the ring to pose on the commentators' table to unanimous boos. And from there he gives us the gift of Jericho; drink it in, man.

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Rusev (w/ Lana) defeats Sin Cara by submission. Kalisto is out on commentary on this one.

Power offense from Rusev early, as he keeps Cara contained while talking shit to Kalisto between sequences. Cara scores a rally after a couple minutes, this includes a standing senton to Rusev, which may have been a finisher, but Lana took that opportunity to throw water in Kalisto's face. Cara got distracted, but went to the top rope anyway, knowing that Kalisto wasn't exactly going to throw down with Lana. But the distraction worked; Cara hesitated, giving Rusev time to grab him and throw him from the top rope. Rusev quickly exited the ring, did a running kick to the back of Kalisto's head, slid in the ring, hit Cara with a running big boot, then slapped on the Accolade.

Segment 3: Renee Young interviews Emma in the back. We see a recap of RAW, where Emma and newcomer Dana Brooke attacked Becky Lynch during an interview. Back to “live,” Renee asks Emma about Dana, but Dana materializes to put herself over. She cuts a good promo, essentially saying that she's super awesome and strong. Then she gives us two punch lines, which sucks, because the first was one to go out on: tonight will be her debut match, one against Becky. Dana says, “After tonight, the question won't be, 'Who is Dana Brooke?' The question will be, 'What happened to Becky Lynch?'”

BOOM! That's a line to go out on! ...Then she adds, “This is my playground, and play time is over.” Ugh.

Segment 4 [Singles Match]: Dana Brooke (w/ Emma) defeats Becky Lynch by flash pin. Beck wins the first exchange with rapid strikes and a running jumping forearm. But when she tries to follow up with a corner running forearm, Dana slips it and goes for strikes. This includes a handstand-delayed knee drop, which was pretty sweet, then followed up with a sick modified bow and arrow submission. Becky rolled through it for a desperation pin attempt, only got two.

Becky rallied from there with strikes, lariats, and a leg lariat. Beck also hit a running forearm, but when she tried a second, Dana slipped it and threw her face-first into the bottom rope. There, she choked her, but pulled away at the ref's warning at one. As the ref warned Dana off, Emma ran up and thumbed Becky's INJURED~! left eye. Dana just hit a single leg takedown and transitioned to a forward bridging pin.

Pretty decent for a debut. Brooke didn't make any mistakes; other than the bow and arrow lock, she didn't do anything too surprising or flashy, but she has the look that she didn't need to. I'm looking forward to more of her matches.

Segment 5: The Club is chatting in the back, and give us the exposition that AJ Styles is banned from ringside in their match tonight. Styles promises to be out there if needed though, if Roman Reigns pops up.

Segment 6: Time to clap, because it's a New Day! Big E is butt-obsessed as Xavier Woods says they'll “pull a Doc Brown and slap the Vaudevillains back to the future,” because there ain't no comedy like nerd comedy.

But the Vaudevillains themselves have no sense of humor as they pop out of gorilla to respond. They say nothing of overt value or anything quotable, but it's entertaining, and that's all that matters. It's short, and we go to ads, because we've got a singles match on the other side.

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: Aiden English (w/ Simon Gotch) defeats Kofi Kingston (w/ The New Day) by flash pin. It's Kofi with the immediate offense with a running dropkick that had enough distance to get him to the rafters. A whole bunch of stomps and a running missile dropkick later, Kofi distracts himself to dancing to Francesca II. English makes like one offensive move before Kofi just wrecks him, sending him outside. Kofi tries a baseball slide; English ducks it, then flings Kofi face-first to the ring post.

The momentum swings the other way as English beats the shit out of Kofi with strikes, but Kofi rallies after a minute thanks to a pendulum kick. Kofi also hits a step-up flying cross body off the top rope and the Boom Drop, then signals for the Trouble in Paradise. Gotch runs distraction from there; Kofi doesn't take damage, but loses his step and doesn't bother attempting the finisher.

Kofi maintains momentum however, and after a takedown, he tries a pin. Gotch tries to get in the ring, but Woods and E are there to stop him. The ref has had enough of this happy-crappy though and ejects all three men (and one trombone) from ringside.

Kofi protests and nearly takes a belly-to-back suplex, but he lands on his feet and rolls through. Only a two, and English throws Kofi to the corner. Kofi counters a charge with a sunset flip from there, but English just sits on him and holds the ropes for leverage.

Segment 8 [Tag Match]: The Usos presumably defeat The Club by disqualification. Jey strikes Anderson early, and Jimmy keeps that momentum for a bit. But when Anderson reverses a whip and hits a strong dropkick, momentum reverses, and Gallows tags in. Gallows goes roughneck with slams and running attacks, but he whiffs on a leg drop. Jimmy tried a hot tag but ate a stiff lariat, and the heels isolate him in their corner.

The isolation doesn't last long as Gallows misses a high elbow drop, and Jimmy hits the false hot tag to Jey. Two lariats and a sunset flip can't quite take him down, but several strikes at least knock him backward, where Anderson blind-tags in. Jey spots the tag but can't quite close the deal, and he gets chucked to ringside. Anderson eats a stiff slap when he tries to follow, but then Gallows is there to take Jey down with a running bit boot. Jey is down as we go to ads.

Back, and Anderson has Jey isolated with solid strikes, big drops, and stiff slams. One extended rest hold later, Jey almost gets a tag, but Anderson drops the hold to blast Jimmy off the apron. Back to strikes from there, including a superkick from Jey out of nowhere. Double hot tags as Jimmy goes house of fire to Anderson, which includes a superkick of his own. Samoan Splash off the top rope from there, and Gallows only barely makes the save by pulling Jimmy out of the ring. Gallows lands a couple blows, then flings Jimmy over the table. The ref has enough of this nonsense and calls for the bell.

Fro there, it's a short Pier Four Brawl, cut off only by Gallows introducing a chair. The Usos go down from solid chair shots, and there's no hint of Roman Reigns to make any save.

Segment 9: Darren Young is taking life lessons from Bob Backlund in a pre-taped segment... life lessons with terrible acting, apparently. The whole thing here is that Backlund is an old man doesn't understand technology. It's... a little painful. It would have been more entertaining if either of them actually sounded like they gave two shits about the lines they were reciting, but whatever.

Segment 10 [Tag Match]: Gorgeous Truth technically defeats Goldango by pin, but... Can I make a new OO Bylaw? “OO doesn't fully recap comedy matches.” Here's hoping Rick approves my legislative bill here. [Ed. Note: maybe not a full-on bylaw. But we'll call it one of OO's MLB-esque "unwritten rules of the game." I think I've quietly made it my way to gloss over details in comedy matches; skipping the play-by-play as long as I present to overarching joke seems fair enough.]

So early on, Breeze and Fandango start, then both quickly tag out. Truth and Goldust approach each other but just can't come to blows, so Truth tags Breeze back in. Breeze has had enough of this bullshit and just flings Truth off the apron, sending his own partner crashing to the mats.

Breeze then gets in the ring and runs at Goldust's back, but Fandango illegally gets in the ring to cut him off... then lariats Goldust himself for no damn reason. Breeze and Fandango make eyes at each other, then Breeze shoots the half for an uncontested pin. Alrighty.

Also, I basically recapped the whole thing. Does that damage my bill's presence on the senate floor?

Post-Segment 10: Goldust understandably got confused as he looked up at Fandango, so Fanny just stomped him in the chest. Breeze joined in, but Truth tried to make the save. Truth got beaten for his efforts, so Goldust tried to make that save, but got stomped too... but then, Goldust moved himself to cover Truth and protect him from harm. Aw, how noble!

Segment 11: Puerto Rico has good food!

Segment 12: Renee Young interviews Charlotte, who says that it was a travesty on Monday for Ric Flair to be kept from the ring. Flair himself adds that it doesn't matter whether he's by ringside at Extreme Rules, because he'll be there in spirit, and will totally win.

Pre-Segment 13: The Miz was the last to hit the ring for the next match. During his entrance, Kevin Owens stole Byron Saxton's headset to say that this is Miz's last chance to be a good tag team partner, but it won't matter—and neither will Sami Zayn, Cesaro, or Maryse—when Owens takes back his title at Extreme Rules. Then he orders Saxton to talk well about him before tossing the headset back on the table and reentering the ring. Ha! This is why I'm a huge Owens fans, heel or not.

Segment 13 [Tag Match]: Kevin Owens & The Miz (w/ Maryse) defeat Sami Zayn & Cesaro by pin. It's Cesaro and Miz to open with some decent chain wrestling, and both guys get “wins,” though Cesaro goes for the first pin attempt. Cesaro also goes for the Swing, but Miz quickly puts a stop to that by grabbing the ropes and forcing a break. Owens talks some shit and insists he could do better, so he willingly tags in. Zayn happily tags in too; Owens moves to tag back out, and Miz hops off the apron. Burn!

Miz doesn't leave though, and instead just mockingly says that he thought Owens could totally do better, so he should go prove it. And prove it he does by getting his face and gut punched in by Zayn. Zayn gets an opening with a quick counter-elbow during a transition, and Miz tags himself in. He manages to hit a few punches, but Zayn starts to counter, so Miz bails from the ring. Owens and Miz argue out there, giving the faces a chance to organize: Cesaro blasts Owens with a flying senton off the apron, and Zayn takes down Miz with a suicide senton over the top rope. Holy shit! Excellent spot, and it takes us to our final ads.

Back, and Zayn has Miz under control... for like one move, before the fight spills outside. As Miz leans against the table, Maryse becomes a human shield, giving Owens time to Pearl Harbor Zayn. Miz recovers and flings Zayn into the ring, and the heel beatdown is on.

Owens doesn't contribute much, choosing to let Miz do most of the work aside from screaming at the commentators. Zayn gets an opening with a Blue Thunder Bomb out of nowhere, and that leads to double hot tags. Cesaro goes house of fire with a million European Uppercuts to Owens, though he concludes with a sweet dropkick. Cesaro goes to the top rope from there and hits a high angle cross body from the top rope, but Owens kicks out.

No problem; Cesaro goes for the Swing, though Miz illegally enters the ring and drives Cesaro to the corner. Zayn tries to make the save with a Helluva Kick, but Miz slips it, and Cesaro eats the blow instead. Miz escapes and pulls Zayn from the ring; Owens throws Cesaro to the center of the ring, hits a huge Frog Splash, and makes the pin. Nice.

Post-Segment 13: Short post-match segment as Miz doesn't care for the bell as he throws Zayn into the stairs, then the ring. Miz mounts with punches, but Owens throws him off just to flatten Zayn with a Pop Up Powerbomb. But then Miz came from behind and flattened Owens with a Skull Crushing Finale. It's Miz standing tall over his future opponents!

Final Thoughts: Didn't expect that as our closing shot, but it certainly makes Extreme Rules interesting. My money is on the field though, not Miz, but it should be an excellent match.

Future matches aside, this was a pretty fun episode. No bullshit, it was paced well, and it had a decent balance between wrestling and angles. Storylines advanced, but nothing too quickly jumped, aside from Goldust/Truth, which feels like it's reaching its conclusion soon, and that's going to be an entertaining payoff. Solid sustainable episodic TV, and I can't ask for much more.

Nothing more to say though. Enjoy your week, and I'll see you again in a week.

Episode Grade: B