I... suppose I don't have a point here. But I suppose that's another side-effect, as I've been so busy this week that I've had nothing to talk about. Even the Cubs, who are supposedly really good this year (as they usually are until June), have slipped beneath my notice, just because I'm trying to get other stuff done. Hooray being busy, but boo not turning any of that productivity into cash.

Ah well, you don't care. Let's get to the last SmackDown before Payback and see how our favorite wrestlers are gearing up for their big-money day...

Segment 1: Roman Reigns is out first to start the show; as usual, near-unanimous boos when his music starts, but slightly more cheers when he actually pops out of gorilla. He hits the ring to tell us about what happened on Monday with AJ Styles, which we've already seen once now on video recap and heard once from the commentators.

Reigns doesn't really add anything new: he doesn't believe that Styles didn't order Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson to attack him, so Styles should just come out now and admit it. But instead we get The Miz and Maryse. Huh.

They enter the ring as well—and it always makes me happy when Maryse does her hair whip and wink thing—and want to talk too. After pleasantries, Miz takes credit for being the first one to call this alliance between Styles and his buddies, and further goes on that this alliance is going to mean that Styles will totally win the title this Sunday.

Reigns just slaps him and clotheslines him over the top rope. All right then, I guess we know what's our main event tonight.

Pre-Segment 2: Renee Young interviews the League of Nations, who say that they're super awesome and cool since they kicked out Wade Barrett, which they totally proved at WrestleMania. So to prove it, they're facing any three random opponents in a six-man tag match, uh, right now.

They make their full entrance and wait. Their opponents turn out to be Kalisto, Sami Zayn, and Cesaro. Yay!

...Also I kinda expected that it would be Barrett, but I suppose they don't want to trigger that obvious storyline twist quite that fast.

Segment 2 [Six-Man Tag Match]: Cesaro, Kalisto, & Sami Zayn defeat The League of Nations by intentional countout. Kalisto offers to start first for the faces, but the heels argue for a moment (including shoving each other lightly) as they each want to face him. Sheamus wins the argument, hits the early offense, and drives Kalisto to the heels' corner, where both Alberto Del Rio and Rusev tag themselves in. Apparently the ref thinks Rusev was first; I'm sure this is setting a tone for the rest of the match.

ADR indeed tags himself in after a few blows and hits a few strikes, but then Sheamus tags himself in. This indeed goes on for a while; the heels are using quick tags to keep Kalisto isolated, but no one is tagging out willingly. Things finally settle down a little as Rusev hits a running elbow drop and, after failing the pin, slaps on the Bearhug of Doom in the middle of the ring.

Kalisto breaks out and tags in Zayn, who goes on a mini rally with strikes. It's cut short when Rusev floors him with a roundhouse kick after Sheamus ran distraction. Pin, only two, and an ad break.

Back, and the heels are in full control of Zayn, with ADR doing most of the work with strikes and short rest holds. ADR hits a clean Backstabber too, but only gets a two for his pin attempt.

ADR retreats to his corner and starts beating his chest as he signals for the Cross Arm Breaker, but then Rusev tags himself in. They argue, and their shoves become a little less gentle, as Zayn crawls toward the faces' corner. But Sheamus is genre savvy: risking the five-count, he enters the ring, forearms both Cesaro and Kalisto off the apron, then drags Zayn closer toward the heels' corner. Sheamus then gets in the faces of his teammates and tells them to focus; they respond by shoving him too. After everyone shoves everyone, ADR has enough of this crap, and he just bails.

Things settle back down as Rusev grabs Zayn and holds him, then willingly tags in Sheamus after an argument. Sheamus heads to the top rope and tries a flying punch, which connects! ...against Rusev, who falls in a heap. Heh.

Sheamus takes a moment and starts kicking Zayn to keep him under control, then he and Rusev start shoving each other. Rusev has enough of his crap too, so he just bails as well. Zayn hot tags in Kalisto, who goes house of fire with every flippy and aerial move in his arsenal. Sheamus bails the ring, but Kalisto tags in Cesaro, who throws Sheamus back in the ring. Cesaro hits a huge high angle flying cross body and looks like a lucha in his own right. Pin, only two.

But Cesaro is fresh and has some of that magic KT tape, so he doesn't slow down as he hits Sheamus with about four hundred European Uppercuts and the Cesaro Swing. After about two revolutions, Sheamus grabs the bottom rope and pulls himself out of the ring, then just bails too. Boo! But a good match for what it needed to do; the intentionally unsatisfying finish was purely motivated by the story they told throughout the match, and it was done well.

Segment 3: After ads, the three LON members are screaming at each other. Rusev shoves ADR into a metal fire door, and Sheamus punches Rusev. Sheamus declares that the League is over, and Rusev adds “Forget the League!” ADR just oversells his head after being shoved into the door.

Segment 4: A replay of the montage shown on Monday that summarizes and retells the rivalry between Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens.

Segment 5 [Singles Match]: Baron Corbin extended-squashes Damien Sandow by pin. Oh, Sandow, your star has fallen so far in a year...

Sandow didn't get in a single attack, and Corbin's entire offense was head-, throat-, and neck-targeted, concluding with the End of Days.

Segment 6: Styles is walking in the back, and Renee intercepts him to ask him to react to Reigns's opening promo. Styles doesn't care about any of Reigns's crap, and will be happy to take his title on Sunday. Renee follows up by pointing out that Reigns called him out earlier; Styles replies that he doesn't answer to Reigns, and only comes out to the ring when he wants to. But he will do so tonight, because he'll be sitting ringside for Reigns's match against Miz. Uh oh.

Segment 7: Dean Ambrose pops out of the ring for the latest edition of the Ambrose Asylum, but he sits on the commentating table and looks... unsettled. See, before he actually does the Asylum thing, he wants to talk about something more personal: on Monday, Chris Jericho had the Walls applied on that very table. But Jericho made one mistake: he released the hold, and Ambrose advises he should never have done that. Because Ambrose doesn't let go of things, especially not grudges, and nothing will be able to pry him apart from beating his ass this Sunday. Ambrose will “turn the guy who looks like Bon Jovi into Meatloaf.” Heh.

Ambrose only then gets in the ring and, after stopping for a mint break to make his halitosis tap out, he introduces Natalya and Charlotte, who will be competing for the Women's Championship on Sunday. Natalya comes out first and says she loves the Ambrose Asylum set: “It reminds me of the dentist's office! I love the plant!” Ambrose reports that he named the plant Mitch, so now that's canon.

Anyway, they recap the recent title shot Natalya got a few weeks ago on RAW, which saw Charlotte tapping out but not before Charlotte lost by disqualification, thus Charlotte kept her title. Natalya is sure that since she'll have Bret Hart in her corner, Ric Flair won't be pulling his garbage on Sunday.

That's when Charlotte hits the ring with Flair in tow. Charlotte says that it's really “disturbing” that Natalya wants to drag Bret Hart out and “parade him around” for the fans. Natalya points out that Charlotte is parading Flair around, but Charlotte insists it's different. Flair is legendary, a two-time Hall of Famer and 16-time World Champion! Natalya replies that Flair is just a lying, scheming, creepy old man, a guy who knows he has to cheat to help his daughter win since she can't do it on her own. Burn. And she insists that Bret will have no problem stopping Flair, and that Charlotte will tap out to her once more.

Flair takes the mic and calls all that ridiculous. Flair beat Bret in WWE, and in WCW, and would totally do so on the moon. But Natalya retorts that this is a new era. It's time to give the fans a WWE Women's Champion that we deserve!

Charlotte non-verbally replies by holding her title above her head, but it's Natalya's music that fires up as the Flairs leave the ring.

And that's that, apparently. I'm surprised Ambrose didn't have a bigger role in that, but it's not like the women needed it.

Pre-Segment 8: The New Day hits the ring, where the Social Outcasts already are. Or rather, New Day makes their way down to the commentary table and dismisses Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, and Jerry Lawler from the table entirely; steal their headsets; and sit in their chairs. They aren't just joining commentary for the next match: they are commentary for the next match.

Enzo & Cass's music starts up shortly thereafter, and Kofi Kingston gets super into it as he dances along during Enzo's caffeinated entrance.

Segment 8 [Tag Match]: Enzo & Cass extended-squash The Social Outcasts (w/ Heath Slater) by pin. Bo Dallas hits one arm drag on Enzo and celebrates like he won the WWE Championship. The heels don't get much more offense and Enzo goes on a rally, only falling to Curtis Axel after a blind tag and some distraction by Heath Slater. But the heel beatdown segment lasts about five seconds as we—

Why am I bothering to recap this? OO Bylaw #2, baby!

The Vaudevillains popped out onto the stage to watch at some point, but they didn't do or say anything. After the match, Cass told them they're sawft, but that was that.

The New Day were incredibly entertaining on commentary, though they spent the entire time talking over each other and being ridiculous... so, normal New Day. By the way, I finally took Rick's advice and found the YouTube video of New Day and Eden Stiles, and now the phrase “I'm your uncle and your daddy” is burned into my brain. So... thanks? For that?

Segment 9: R-Truth is hanging out in the back when Goldust arrives. Goldust says that on Monday, the way he and Truth were dancing together, they were just so damn connected that Goldust thinks the Golden Truth tag team is a great idea after all!

...Except, uh, Truth only wants Goldust's happiness, and Truth saw how happy Goldust was with Fandango. So instead, Truth got himself his own tag partner, Tyler Breeze, who happened to be just out of frame until his name was said. Heh. Truth calls their team “Gorgeous Truth,” which Breeze is fully onboard for. Truth, showing his loyalty to new ideas, has mimicked Breeze's selfie stick by duct taping his own phone to a tree branch. Oh, WWE... this is why I love you sometimes.

Anyway, Goldust is sad, especially as Truth says they're better off as friends than tag team partners. Goldust disagrees but doesn't argue as Truth and Breeze run off.

Fandango then arrives asks if Goldust is okay, and asks if his dancing leg still works. Goldust says no, and takes a seat after declaring he's got a headache.

Segment 10: Puerto Rico is awesome, or something. Viva Epico and Primo!

Segment 11 [Singles Match]: Apollo Crews defeats Stardust by pin. No standard warmup here: Crews opened with a belly to back suplex, and Stardust bailed. When Crews went to follow, Stardust took him down and used the apron as a weapon, then chucked him back in the ring and stomped away.

From there, Stardust went all leg offense: knee stomps, leg holds, knee holds, really good wrestling. But Crews eventually powered out and Stardust couldn't deal with his strength, and a pumphandle lift to Oklahoma Slam swung momentum the other way. When Stardust tried a Dragon Whip, Crews hit an enziguri, then a spinning roundhouse kick. Stardust was stunned enough from there that Stardust walked into Crews's finisher, a spinning sit-out powerbomb.

Segment 12: Recap of McMahon Family drama. OO Bylaw #1, baby!

Segment 13 [Singles Match]: Roman Reigns defeats The Miz (w/ Maryse) by pin. Damn fine match, and probably the best one from The Miz in a while.

Miz plays the chickenshit to get started, but it doesn't really help as Reigns's power keeps Miz on defense. The sequence concludes with Reigns clotheslining Miz over the top rope on the south side. Reigns nails him with his signature running missile dropkick to land on the apron, but rather than follow up, Reigns then wanders over to the announcers' table to talk shit to Styles, who is sitting peacefully at ringside.

Well, it starts peacefully, anyway. Styles rises to his feet and talks back, distracting Reigns from Miz, who recovers and slams Reigns's face onto the table, then into the ring post. Miz flings him back into the ring and goes for a pin, but only gets a two, and we go to ads.

Back, and Miz has Reigns in control with a chinlock, and continues the offense with head- and neck-targeted offense. Strikes, holds, running clotheslines, even some mounted punches. But Reigns got a breath after that as he powered out of a chin lock, then rallied behind a Samoan Drop and the power of his fists. Clotheslines and flying elbows from there from Reigns, though it's all boos from the crowd as he does so.

The rally continues as Reigns blasts Miz with ten clotheslines in the corner, then he retreated for a step to ready the Superman Punch. Maryse made the save by pulling Miz out from under the ring. Reigns exited the ring to get to him, and they met at the northwest stairs on opposite sides. That last bit is important: as they sized each other up, Miz was the first to move as he hit a front dropkick on the stairs, sending them into Reigns's legs. Reigns turned away and sold a limp, so Miz took advantage by running around and hitting him with a chop block.

Miz then threw Reigns back in the ring. Miz went for... something, and Reigns tried to back body drop him, but Miz rolled through and transitioned to a pin. He didn't have the pin well locked, and gave up at a one count (though the ref kept counting to a two, but let's just ignore that), and instead transitioned to tease the Figure Four. Reigns kicked Miz away to defend himself; Miz held his ground and kicked Reigns's knee, then hit a sharp DDT from Reigns's knees. Pin, but only two.

Miz then did his hand flaps to signal for the Skull Crushing Finale. He made the grab, but Reigns powered out, bounced off the ropes, then came back with a Spear. Reigns shot the half, and Miz wasn't getting up from that one.

Post-Segment 13: After the match, Styles got in the ring face-to-face with Reigns. No blows were thrown, but then Styles looked over Reigns's shoulder. Reigns didn't turn at first, but eventually did so, and Gallows and Anderson indeed marched down the ramp.

Reigns blamed Styles, who didn't reply, then exited the ring to attack first. However, it was for naught, and Gallows and Anderson quickly manhandled him. The Usos then hit the ring to make the save, attacking Gallows and Anderson while Styles did nothing. When the Usos dispatched G&A, only then did Styles grab one of the Usos and profess his innocence. But the Uso brother wasn't buying it and punched Styles; only then did Styles actually attack, hitting an enziguri out of nowhere.

Styles then exited to the apron and went for the Phenomenal Forearm, but missed. Gallows clotheslined the Uso over the top rope at that point, then stood tall in the ring. Styles grabbed him and tried to tell him something, but Gallows shoved Styles out of the way at the last second to save him from eating a stiff Spear from Reigns. Gallows took the attack instead, but Styles avenged him by grabbing Reigns for a Styles Clash. Reigns saved himself by back body dropping Styles over the top rope to the apron; Reigns then went for a Superman Punch, but Styles simply backed off to ringside. Styles and Reigns continued to jaw at each other even as the latter's music fired up.

Final Thoughts: Pretty good episode even in a vacuum, but at least as far as the main event goes, it was a really solid setup. I mean, say what you want about Reigns and WWE pushing him down our throats, but they're at least telling the story here pretty well, even if we aren't exactly responding to it like WWE wants us to. Or maybe at this point they are letting us react how we want if Reigns is in the midst of a tweener turn. Who knows.

And, really, who cares? It was entertaining tonight, and that should be the only thing that matters. The only problem is the undercard—aside from the Women's Championship—was woefully underrepresented, since other than Zayn/Owens and Jericho/Ambrose, I couldn't name you any other match that's happening on Sunday. Maybe the problem is that both of those matches sell themselves at this point? I don't know.

I do know I'll be watching Sunday, since Payback is shaping up to be fun, even if it won't quite be a blockbuster. And Bret Hart is still my favorite pure wrestler of all time, so I'll be glad to see him again even though it's not like he's going be busting out a sequel to the Iron Man match.

Hopefully you will too, but either way, you should come back to Online Onslaught shortly after 11pm on Sunday for Rick's always-insightful recap of the show, and the next night for the fallout (and his analysis of both) in his RAW recap. As for me, it'll be another seven days, but I'll be back again as usual for SmackDown.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Episode Grade: B-