I finally caught Deadpool last night, and it was amazing! I avoided spoilers, and I'll avoid them here too in case you haven't seen it, but let me just say: it was awesome, and absolutely captured the character. It gave Deadpool a different side too, one that added to his character, rather than replace any traits. Either that, or I haven't read his whole backstory, but I didn't realize the Merc with a Mouth had a little love inside his heart too. Right next to the bullets his healing factor squeezed out, anyway.

Next up: Mad Max: Fury Road, which I'm also excited about but never saw in the theaters. I'm going to be way too busy until past WrestleMania before I can get to it, but it's on my shortlist. [Ed. Note: FWIW, Mad Max did a lot more for me that Deadpool. Mad Max never claimed to be anything other than EXACTLY what it is: an amazing non-stop barrage of awesome action set pieces that stilll adds up to a feel good "story." But Deadpool got talked up so much as some kind of genre-busting, game-changing awesomeness, that I was left underwhelmed by the final product; it was an R-rated superhero movie, with all the added element of a guy who sometimes broke the fourth wall. I think the comic book fans got so carried away THAT the movie got made and was allowed to break all the usual rules of big budget movies, they forgot to actually consider how mind-blowing the movie would actually be anyone who has spent a grand total of zero time pondering what a Deadpool movie would/should be. Like me.]

And speaking of WrestleMania, I still have my super amazing annual WrestleMania Preview column to write! Next week, as usual, my WrestleMania preview will replace my normal recap, since usually the final SmackDown before WrestleMania doesn't add anything to established storylines. So tonight, this will be my final SmackDown recap of the WWE “season,” and we'll resume as normal in the first week of April. Rick will be operating as normal, as far as I know. [Ed. Note: yep. There was a serious danger of me being out-of-the-country for WM Weekend, as the Scaia Family intended to be in Montreal for the exhibition MLB games they play up there, to make up for the fact that my Texas Brother had unexpected surgery that prevented us from getting together for Christmas. But alas, CBS is dicking my Hollywood Brother around -- his current job is "Limitless," which has neither been picked up nor cancelled at this incredibly late juncture -- so he's decided it's best to keep putting in 80 hour work weeks to try to keep the ship afloat, instead of taking 5 days of vacation at this crucial juncture. Family gathering: once again cancelled. All of which sucks, but at least I won't have to mess around trying to figure out proxies in order to access the WWE Network next weekend...]

Let's roll...

Pre-Segment 1: We have an abbreviated opening, smashing right from the opening pyros to Charlotte and Ric Flair entering the ring, while Becky Lynch is already sitting on commentary. And Becky is again wearing her street clothes, meaning a volcano could spontaneously erupt in the ring and it would only be the second-hottest thing in the arena.

Charlotte prattles about how she can't wait for WrestleMania, but mainly to get it over with, so we all move past the idea that anyone can stand on her level. Everyone in Dallas is so totally going to be chanting “Woo!” after the triple threat divas match, because Charlotte will retain! So there!

And here comes Sasha Banks, but not to talk.

Segment 1 [Singles Match]: Sasha Banks defeats Charlotte (w/ Ric Flair) by flash pin. Charlotte starts off by running away, thus quite mastered in the art of being a chickenshit heel. Sasha didn't fall for it, catching Charlotte as she reentered the ring and putting her down. Sasha lost momentum when Ric caught her ankle after a rebound against the ropes; the ref kinda-sorta saw it but probably wasn't meant to, and it was ignored. Still, Charlotte took advantage with a big boot, followed by a suplex to neckbreaker, and Sasha was on the defensive.

Charlotte did the Flair strut and worked on the next from there, though Becky powered out and went for a flash pin. From there, the women exchanged pin combination and escapes, including a scoop suplex that looked awfully painful against Sasha. Sasha fought back though, and both women exchanged chops until Sasha reversed an Irish Whip into an awkward back body drop to a knee to Charlotte's face. Well, “awkward” may be the wrong word, because the spot looked perfectly safe and well done. Just “unique,” I guess.

Anyway, Charlotte had enough of that, so she bailed via the east side before Sasha could deliver he super double stomp in the corner. But Sasha wasn't going to sit idle, so she bounced off the west ropes and nailed Charlotte in the back with a baseball slide, sending Charlotte conveniently in front of Becky's position on commentary. Sasha moved to follow, and Charlotte flung her into Becky. Sasha shoved Becky for no reason, then went into the ring... just to eat a one-armed spinebuster from Charlotte. One Figure Eight later, and... Banks wrapped her up for a pin before the hold could be applied? Holy crap!

...And then Becky slid in the ring and did her exploder suplex to Sasha, then an exploder suplex to Charlotte. Becky left, but Sasha recovered and nailed Charlotte with a Backstabber for no reason too. Heh, poor Charlotte.

Overall the match was a little on the short side, but it was incredibly intense, and it was only “short” to pack in as much action as possible. I'm very excited for their triple threat match, though you'll have to read my WrestleMania preview column next week to know who I'm predicting as the victor!

Pre-Segment 2: The New Day hits the ring to insult the League of Nations. It's entertaining, but not worth transcribing. It doesn't last long before three-quarters of the League hit the ring for the match.

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Sheamus (w/ The League of Nations) defeats Kofi Kingston (w/ The New Day) by pin. Decent match, nothing special, but it adds more fuel to the fire.

Kofi wins the first exchange with his speed, but doesn't do any actual damage. Sheamus uses his power to win the second and delivers some blows with punchy-kicky offense, though Kofi fights back with stomps and kicks of his own. He hits a corner-to-corner running dropkick, and Sheamus bails, though Kofi follows and delivers a flying forearm off the stairs. But as they start to get back in the ring, Sheamus sweeps Kofi's leg, making him land spine-first on the apron, to take us to ads.

Back, and Sheamus is using strikes to keep momentum, including the Ten of Clubs. Kofi exploded with a rally after Sheamus whiffed a corner charge, and Kofi even hit a classic Boom Drop, and when Sheamus bailed, Kofi just hit a fucking no hands suicide senton from the ring to ringside. Jesus, that move always terrifies me, though Undertaker's version terrified me the most.

Kofi couldn't close the deal from there, and Sheamus powered out of the SOS. Sheamus then hit a basic suplex and nonsensically thought that would finish him off, so he tried to rip off a turnbuckle pad. That didn't work, and Kofi flattened him with a spinning back kick. Kofi shot the half, but was too close to the ropes, and Rusev put Sheamus's foot on the bottom rope to break the count. Woods and E chased off Rusev, but Sheamus hit a Brogue Kick out of nowhere off the distraction, and Kofi was done.

Segment 3 [Tag Match]: The Usos squash The Ascension by pin. Welp, this is a thing that happened. I've never seen a tag match last under two minutes before.

Post-Segment 3: And the match served only for this setup, as the Usos grabbed tables from the under the ring as we see a cut that shows the Dudley Boyz watching from the back. The Usos set up two tables, laid down the Ascension members on them, then hit stereo Samoan Splashes off the top rope to put them through them.

After a replay, we cut to the back again, where Renee Young is looking freaking hot in a studded leather jacket that she rather obviously borrowed from Dean Ambrose. She asks what they think about what we just saw. Bubba Ray answers that they actually give a little respect to the Usos, but continue to sell that they are by far the greatest tag team ever. They've proved it by beating the shit out of Rikishi in the past, and have no problem destroying all of the Usos' family to prove it.

Except, uh, here comes Roman Reigns, who challenges Bubba Ray to put his money where his mouth is. “I'm not challenging you to a match. This is Boston... I'm challenging you to a fight.” Strong words that only half the audience is buying, at most. But I guess we're going to have a fight-match or something tonight. Yay.

Segment 4: RAW recap concerning Shane McMahon and Undertaker's feud.

Segment 5 [Tag Match]: Sami Zayn & Dolph Ziggler defeat The Miz & Kevin Owens by pin. Solid match, very entertaining even in a vacuum, but with the added interwoven storylines and feuds for the Intercontinental Title, the match rose above itself.

Right off the bat, Owens and Miz argue; remember, last time they were on a team together, Owens just left before the match was over, leaving Miz alone to get pinned. Those wounds are saltier than tortilla chips. In other news, I could really go for some tortilla chips right now.

Zayn and Miz to start, and their opening exchange is technically savvy and ends in Miz taking a few arm drags and standing arm wrenches. Through it all, Owens can be heard dryly encouraging Miz and congratulating him on sucking. Heh... I love Owens.

Dolph tagged himself in and worked on Miz as well, this time targeting the head and neck. Miz fought off the rally with a running knee to Ziggler's gut, then tagged in Owens, who went with power and roughneck offense against Ziggler. That is, until Ziggler hit a beautiful dropkick out of nowhere and tagged out. Owens immediately rolled across the ring and tagged out too, wanting nothing to do with Zayn.

Zayn and Miz engaged once more, but after a single exchange, Miz bailed and tagged Owens in. Owens... just left, or tried to. Miz grabbed Owens and argued, giving Zayn an opportunity to exit the ring, sneak up behind them, and take them both out with a jumping forearm. Then Zayn went all punchy-punchy on Owens, then flung him back in the ring.

Zayn went all-out with sharp elbows in the corner, but Miz ran interference to distract Zayn, giving Owens a chance to fight back and tag out. Ziggler went into a false house of fire (house of smoke?) from there and put Owens down in a hurry. Once again Miz ran interference, hitting Ziggler with a jawbreaker with the top rope, and Owens followed up with a stiff lariat. Pin, only two.

But then the heels were in control, and the beatdown was on. Miz tagged back in and did most of the work, going for low-flying moves and neck-targeted rest holds. Dolph tried to fight out of it, but Miz caught him and catapulted him out of the ring to take us to ads.

Back, and Owens is on offense but whiffs on his signature running senton. Double hot tags less than twenty seconds back from break, and Zayn is there to go house of fire against Miz. This concludes with a Blue Thunder Bomb to pin, but Owens is there to break it up. Pier Four Brawl is on as Dolph dispatches Owens, and Miz dispatches Dolph. Miz then runs at Zayn, who counters with an exploder suplex to the corner.

Zayn headed to the opposite corner to signal for and start the Helluva Kick, but Owens was there to trip him up from the outside. Shenanigans ensued, leaving Dolph and Owens both laid out. Zayn tried again but Miz was ready, and he caught Zayn with... something. It wasn't going to be a Skull Crushing Finale even though the grip started out that way, but whatever it was, Zayn countered it with a victory roll. Only two, so both guys bounced off opposite ropes and went for simultaneous cross bodies, which couldn't have felt good.

Owens took that time to crawl back to his corner as Miz crawled toward him. Then Owens decided he had done enough, so he took his title and left once more. The crowd booed, but meanwhile Dolph returned to his corner.

Except, uh, Owens had company as Sin Cara, Stardust, and Zack Ryder popped out from gorilla. Owens paused on the ramp, and Miz came out of nowhere with a running forearm to Owens's back. Miz flung Owens back in the ring where Dolph superkicked him, and Miz flattened him with a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz talked shit as Owens rolled out of the ring, but didn't see Dolph getting ready for a superkick that sent Miz to the corner. I'm not sure how that was legal, but fuck it, and Zayn delivered his Helluva Kick. Pin, three, done.

Post-Segment 5: Then Stardust slid in the ring and attacked Dolph because the voices told him to, then delivered a Cross Rhodes or whatever he calls it now to Zayn. Thus started a Pier Seven Brawl that finished with Owens hitting Dolph with a Popup Powerbomb, and was the only one standing... wait, no, here's Zack Ryder with a Long Island Lariat to put him down. And Ryder's music is the one playing the segment out? When did I go to Crazytown?

Segment 6: RAW recap concerning Triple H and Roman Reigns's feud.

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: Bubba Ray Dudley apparently defeats Roman Reigns by disqualification, though it probably should have been a double countout draw, but ultimately it doesn't matter. Bubba Ray doesn't come down with D-Von. Weird.

BRD opens by exiting the ring and talking shit to the crowd, then the commentators. Reigns has enough of that shit after a few seconds, so he exits the ring and goes punchy-punchy before chucking him back in. But BRD manages to get a couple punches in, but then Reigns his a Superman Punch out of nowhere.

BRD bails, and Reigns goes to follow, throwing him into the barricade. BRD gets a breath when he throws Reigns face-first into the ring post, and BRD drags Reigns to the commentating table to try to bust open that SURGICALLY REPAIRED~! nose. But no dice; Reigns blocks it and just repeatedly slams BRD's face into the table anyway. At some point, the bell rings a thousand times, but Reigns doesn't give a shit.

Reigns eventually throws BRD back in the ring, and only then does D-Von arrive. But Reigns sees it coming and blasts him with a Superman Punch, then with the nearby stairs. Reigns enters the ring once more, but just to cut BRD in half with a Spear.

So, the whole “match” lasted a couple minutes, with the extracurriculars lasting no more than another couple minutes as well. Nothing was really accomplished here, and the fans were still only about a 50/50 split, meaning even the Dudleys are getting cheered over Reigns. Ouch.

Segment 8: Goldust is in the bathroom, painting his face. R-Truth arrives and calls them partners, and... well, Goldust is still denying that they're partners despite Truth citing that Goldust helped him out the other day in his match. Goldust insists that it was just to help Truth out from getting destroyed because of pity, and to emphasize that they are not partners, Goldust paints the word “No” on Truth's forehead.

Goldust leaves, but Truth looks in the mirror, and interprets the letters as “On,” meaning, it's on! Friendship is magic, y'all!

Segment 9: Kalisto is walking in the back and runs into Sin Cara. They hype each other for their respective matches at WrestleMania. Sin Cara leaves, and a couple moments later, Kalisto accidentally runs into Ryback, who pimps his height and weight to Kalisto, and says (about twenty different ways) that someone as small as Kalisto doesn't deserve the title. Kalisto counters that he totally will defend his title at WrestleMania, then walks away. Surprisingly, that's it, and Ryback doesn't throw any punches.

Segment 10 [Singles Match]: AJ Styles extend-squashes Tyler Breeze by pin. Breeze didn't get an entrance, so we know how this is going to turn out.

Though it started to look like a squash, Breeze counter an apron-to-ring slingshot forearm with a kick to Styles's gut. From there, Breeze went punchy-kicky in the corner, then put Styles on the top rope and teased a superplex. But Styles fought it off, went to the apron, hit that very forearm on the next attempt, then made the pin. So, that happened too.

Segment 11: Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman hit the ring to talk. Or rather, the latter to talk, the former to just stand there and look menacing.

Heyman does what he does best, most of it not worth transcribing, though he does go off on a tangent about old legends giving him stuff: Mick Foley gifting a barbed wire bat, and Terry Funk gifting a chainsaw (through vignettes shown on RAW). Then Heyman decides to get mean: “If we're shooting straight from the hip here, the only reason Mick Foley and Terry Funk are still alive is because God refuses to answer my daily prayers.” Holy shit, Heyman.

Heyman's finale tangent is that Ambrose's real problem is that any weapon Ambrose can get, Lesnar can get his hands on too; but more troubling, what Lesnar can absolutely get his hands on is Ambrose himself, and Lesnar is more dangerous as a living weapon any foreign object.

Heyman checks his watch and is surprised that he finished his blathering early, so Heyman calls down Ambrose to have a fight right now.

Except... uh, it's the Wyatt Family? Huh. Bray Wyatt leads the way with Erick Rowan and Braun Strowman, but Luke Harper isn't anywhere to be seen. Doesn't matter as the three surround the ring anyway. Then Ambrose's music fires up, giving them just enough of a distraction that Lesnar throws the first punch. He manages to even take Strowman to Suplex City, or at least one stop, by the time Ambrose hits the ring.

Ambrose is armed with a kendo stick and delivers a couple shots, but Lesnar slips it and steals it, then whacks Ambrose so hard with it that the stick snaps in half. Lesnar discards the handle and puts Ambrose down with an F5, and that's the end of that.

Final Thoughts: Meh. It was a fairly entertaining show in parts, but I'm already excited for Mania, and this didn't exactly do anything to get me more excited. The fans are still rebelling against Reigns, the IC title situation still may steal the show, The New Day is still entertaining... I guess it's one of those episodes that was fun, but doesn't carry any real momentum to next week. Though, again, it doesn't really need to.

I've said everything I've needed to say otherwise, and it's incredibly late as I finish this up; I'm really exhausted. So I'm going to call it a wrap here and go to bed early, I think. Remember that next week, there won't be a SmackDown recap unless something incredibly insane happens, and instead you'll be treated to another 10,000-word preview that will be more succinct than any other preview you'll read on the Internet. It's my favorite thing to write on a regular basis, and I always have fun with it.

Hopefully you'll have just as much fun reading it, and then watching WrestleMania on April 3. As usual, I'm having a fun little mini-party for it, and The Rick will have his recap for it shortly after the show is over. So enjoy your next couple weeks, and I'll see you again in one week for a kickass preview, and in two for the first SmackDown recap of the new “season.”

Episode Grade: C+