Luckily, I have solutions to the problem: I just need time. I drink a lot of caffeine, so if I go off that cold-turkey, I'm going to get tired. And, I've long since discovered that if I take a half-dose of Nyquil a half-hour before I want to go to bed, it usually puts me out without giving me too many side effects the next day. So as long as I take a half-dose of Nyquil just after midnight and avoid soda and coffee for a week, I should be able to reset my clock. It's just... going to be an irritating week. [Ed. Note: instead of NyQuil, which is really just overpriced alcohol and benedryl, give melatonin a try. For as long as I can remember, I've been a slow-falling-asleep person (unless, naturally, there were large amounts of alcohol involved, which is never the case anymore, since men with partial pancreases don't get to enjoy much drinking-to-excess)... a while back, someone suggested melatonin -- easily available in any grocery store's vitamin aisle -- and it definitely helps slow everything down and decreases my tossing-and-turning time. I do the 5mg pills, half hour before bed.]

So I'm sitting here at my computer, my head is swimming, and I'm struggling to sit straight. But I'm here anyway, loyal OO readers, because this is what I do, and the wrestlers have a zillion percent harder job than I do. Let's see what they were up to this week, as we head into the last show before Fast Lane...

Segment 1 [Six-Man Tag Match]: The League of Nations (w/ Wade Barrett) defeats Dolph Ziggler & The Lucha Dragons by pin. Kevin Owens pops out for commentary.

Power vs. speed to open as Kalisto and Rusev face off, with speed winning this time as Kalisto lands a couple dozen kicks in every way imaginable. The opening flurry is capped off with a middle rope tornado DDT that gets a near-fall. Sin Cara and Alberto Del Rio tag in, and the momentum stays with the faces as we go to break.

Back from ads and the heels are in control with each man taking turns applying power offense against Sin Cara. Cara gets a break when he counters a top rope something-or-other attempt from ADR with a front dropkick to knock him out of the air. Double hot tags, one to Ziggler, who goes house of fire against Sheamus. ADR runs interference to break up the pin attempts, kicking off a Pier Six Brawl that puts both Lucha Dragons on their backs outside the ring.

In the ring, Ziggler is able to continue some momentum and plants Sheamus with a Famouser. ADR and Rusev hop up on the apron to run distraction, which doesn't quite work; but when Owens comes off commentary to pop up on the apron himself, that does work, and Ziggler runs at him. Owens hops off the apron to avoid damage, but Ziggler turns back around to eat a Brogue Kick. Pin, three, done, and Owens leaves first after stealing Ziggler's leather vest. Decent match, but nothing special. [Ed. Note: for me, Owens on commentary added enough to the match to make it worth a look. Not just the delightful snark directed at Cole, but the way he seemed to weave in the notion that he's got something major planned for his first WrestleMania appearance. #komania]

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Sasha Banks reverse-squashes Tamina (w/ Naomi) by submission. Tamina wins a couple early tie-ups with slow power offense, but falters after getting countered on a corner charge. Sasha, not realizing this isn't a tag match, goes house of fire against Tamina with several running double knees. Naomi pops up on the apron; Sasha punches her off, then locks in the Banks Statement on Tamina after a short exchange. So, uh, this happened.

After the match, Naomi attacked Sasha, and the double-team was on until Becky Lynch came down to make the save. It... works, but when Becky tries to help Sasha to her feet, Sasha gives her a half-slap and runs away. So they're still not friends yet, is the takeaway here.

Segment 3: After ads, Becky catches up with Sasha in the back and tries to talk sense to her. Specifically: since they're teaming up on Sunday, they can't be at each other's throats since WrestleMania is around the corner. Becky thinks that if they lose, any shot of a WrestleMania Moment will be in jeopardy. Sasha fires off a toddler-like “I want my WrestleMania Moment!” argument. Becky flails her hands and shakes her hand like a parent. Heh.

So Becky uses small words to reiterate her point: let's not beat the shit out of each other now, so we can potentially beat the shit out of each other later. They need each other! Becky has been trying to make the team work, but if Sasha's ego is too strong, then she's just done. Becky starts to leave, but Sasha grabs her arm, declares they're not friends, but that she hates losing. So that's enough of a declaration of an alliance as we're going to get.

Segment 4: Chris Jericho hits the ring in his ring gear, but he's not actually here to wrestle just yet. Instead, he's here to answer AJ Styles's challenge from last Monday. But he wants to say it to Styles's face-to-face, so he calls him down.

And, uh, here comes The Miz? Jericho jokingly hopes that Miz is here to announce his retirement, but Miz says no... Miz says, uh, basically nothing as he announces he and Jericho have a match right now. And he tries to attack Jericho, but Jericho attacks him back with the softest, slowest punches I've ever seen any wrestler throw in my life. Miz sells it, but man... even a child would be able to take those “punches” without much more than a giggle.

Anyway, Jericho throws Miz out of the ring, the crowd is dead, and we go to ads. Once we're back...

Segment 5 [Singles Match]: Chris Jericho defeats The Miz by submission. We open with Jericho hitting a couple shots, and Miz playing the chickenshit heel, which absolutely doesn't work since Jericho gives chase. Miz finally gets a little momentum when Jericho whiffs on a shoulder charge to the corner; Miz uses his momentum against him and sends him shoulder-first into the ring post. I always love that spot; it looks so painful no matter how many times I've seen it.

Miz goes stompy-punchy with his advantage, then transitions to some dirty rest holds. But that doesn't last long; Miz hits one shoulder tackle and celebrates like he won the title, giving Jericho time to recover and land a couple solid dropkicks. Jericho heads to the top rope and lands a flying cross body, but can't close the deal.

False end game from there as Miz charges Jericho near the ropes; Jericho hits the canvas and takes the rope with him, sending Miz flying out of the ring. When Miz pops up to the apron, Jericho is there with his classic corner dropkick. Jericho is doing so well at this point that he exits the ring and grabs Miz, but high-fives fans before bothering to toss Miz back in the ring.

But maybe Jericho should have been paying attention after all, as Miz recovers quickly and puts Jericho down with some stiff kicks. That leads us to our next ads, which felt oddly timed in the match.

Back, and more dirty rest holds from Miz. Jericho fights out only to eat a (kinda slow) neckbreaker followed by more rest holds that target Jericho's head and neck. Jericho breaks out and goes house of fire with a few knees, then tries a Walls. Doesn't work, but a running enziguri puts Miz down. The match still feels a little slow, like the guys are only going about 70% speed... is that real, or is it just my swimming head?

Regardless, Jericho can't keep it going as he whiffs a Lionsault and eats a low DDT, but Miz can't close the deal form there. Miz gets frustrated but signals for the Skull Crushing Finale. Jericho blocks it and turns it into a suplex-to-backbreaker, then tries a pin. Only two.

Jericho taunts Miz, which just angers him, and Miz goes for stiff punchy-kicky offense, then drives him to the corner and adds in some dirty offense. Miz backs up when the ref gets involved, then charges Jericho... and falls right into a Walls. And Miz taps out in a nanosecond. Weird.

Post-Segment 5: Jericho doesn't celebrate long, as he needs to go back to business: the answer everyone wants. He calls down Styles, who pops out presently. Jericho says that he gets why Styles requested the rematch, but there's a saying in WWE: “You're only as good as your last match.” And in their last match, Jericho won. Jericho respects the shit out of Styles, but doesn't like him, and doesn't want to do any favors. So, the answer is no.

Jericho drops the mic. The camera mics pick up that Styles asked if there's anything he can do to change Jericho's mind. Jericho said no... so Styles hit him with a flurry of punches and kicks and sent Jericho flying out of the ring. Jericho angrily clawed back to the apron, but stopped short as Styles nonchalantly grabbed the mic and tossed it to him. Jericho called that stupid move, but accepted the match anyway, while also telling Styles that he's going to regret it. Boy, Jericho's ego is pretty easy to take advantage of.

Segment 6: After a replay of Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns beating the crap out of Dudley Boyz, we're back to SmackDown as Reigns and Ambrose shoot the shit. Reigns says he totally understands why Ambrose teased that Dirty Deeds on Monday, and politely (and with a smile) asks that he not pull that again in their tag match tonight. Ambrose shrugs and says “I thought it was funny!” as they walk away from each other.

Ambrose heads down the hall and bumps into Paul Heyman, who says that Brock Lesnar is in the building, and he's in a bad mood, and he's looking for Ambrose. Ambrose pretends to care, but is all smiles as he tells Heyman to tell Lesnar not to keep him waiting this time.

Segment 7: Jojo interviews The New Day, who talk shit against Edge and Christian. It's very entertaining, but they say a lot of nothing.

Pre-Segment 8: Has Charlotte, um, enhanced herself lately? Or is it just wonderbra technology? I thought when I first saw her a few months ago she wasn't as curvy? [Ed. Note: Charlotte enhanced herself almost immediately upon getting hired by WWE. Any perceived re-enhancement is merely the magic of undergarment technology.]

Also, Natalya's new ring gear is fucking awesome, even if she didn't get an entrance.

Segment 8 [Singles Match]: Charlotte (w/ Ric Flair) defeats Natalya by submission. Charlotte trash talks to open, so Natalya goes all technical wrestling and wins the opening few exchanges. Charlotte then bails from the ring to catch her breath, which leads to ads.

Back, and it's all Natalya until she's forced to chase Charlotte in and out of the ring; Charlotte nailed her with a big boot outside the ring. Charlotte threw her back in and applied some body scissors, but Natalya dead-lifted her as he tried to counter. Charlotte didn't fall for it and slammed Natalya down instead, shot the half, but only got two.

But Natalya had another hope as she hit a discus clothesline and a German suplex that sent Charlotte to the west ropes. Charlotte again played the chickenshit as she slithered under the bottom rope to escape. Natalya approached and even exited to the apron, but there Charlotte tripped her so she landed spine-first on the apron. Charlotte quickly shoved Natalya back in the ring and applied the Figure Eight. Natalya resisted but had to tap. Pretty short match... too short, in my honest opinion. 

Charlotte celebrated her win by mocking the Yes Chant, leading Brie Bella to pop out of the back and talk shit... which then turned into less talking and more action. The brawl ensued, with Brie inheriting Daniel Bryan's Yes Kicks. She wanted to follow up with the running knee, but Ric made the save by dragging his daughter under the ropes to safety. Brie didn't give chase; instead celebrating with the Divas Title while Charlotte protested from ringside.

Segment 9: Goldust is once more trying to convince Truth to team up, this time going for a 90s track suit and gold chain rapper look. It, uh, doesn't work. And Truth shuts him down hard enough to make him cry. Aw... it'll happen, buddy. Keep your chin up.

Segment 10 [Tag Match]: Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns defeat The Dudley Boys by disqualification. Ambrose with all the damage to D-Von early with his crazy offense. Bubba Ray tags in, but he ignores Ambrose to talk shit to Reigns and even pop him in the mouth. Ambrose obliges Reigns's request to tag in, and Bubba Ray may regret his bullshit as Reigns puts him on his ass quickly. The faces double suplex Bubba; D-Von runs in to interfere, so they just double suplex him too. They clothesline the Dudleys over opposite ropes, and the faces stand tall as we go to ads.

Back, and it's a different match as the Dudleys used excellent teamwork to put Ambrose down with a double neckbreaker. The heel beatdown is on form there with punchy-slammy offense with Ambrose playing the face in peril. The Dudleys stick with neck-targeted offense, though Bubba goes more for general offense and slams. That doesn't pay off when he whiffs on a middle rope hip drop, leading to double hot tags.

This is Reigns's first extended sequence, he's totally fresh as he contains D-Von with clotheslines and puts Bubba Ray down with a Samoan Drop. Reigns calls for the Superman Punch... but then Brock Lesnar's music fires up. Whoops, totally forgot about him.

Lesnar does his little warm up dance on the the stage as Reigns and Ambrose ready themselves, but the Dudleys then just attack them from behind. They put Ambrose down and send him out of the ring, then call for a 3D on Reigns. But Reigns counters the initial whip with a Superman Punch to D-Von, although Bubba Ray puts Reigns down anyway with a big boot.

But Ambrose then there with a flying elbow to Bubba, and a suicide dive to D-Von. As Ambrose pops up from that, Lesnar arrives and knees him in the ribs, finally drawing an end to the match, as if anyone really cared about it by that point.

Post-Segment 10: Reigns makes the save as they work together to attack Lesnar, and they drag him into the ring. And Lesnar stops that nonsense by taking both faces to Suplex City, although he's so caught up in taunting Ambrose that he doesn't see Reigns set up and land a Superman Punch. As he staggers, Reigns tries a Spear, but Reigns slips it and accidentally runs into Ambrose. It isn't a full Spear, but it's enough of a misunderstanding that Ambrose tries a Dirty Deeds. Reigns counters it with a Samoan Drop, but as he gets up, Lesnar is there with an F5. Ambrose gets a bloody mouth out of the deal at some point as well.

Lesnar casually leaves the ring, but then Triple H pops out of the back in his suit and tie with the WWE Title on his shoulder. He doesn't do or say anything beyond staring down Lesnar from the distance of the ramp.

Final Thoughts: And so ends the show, which was pretty paint-by-numbers as we head into Fastlane. It wasn't bad, and probably counts as sustainable episodic TV, but no one is going to be talking about this one very much. All the right story elements were there, and it served its purpose as a whole. I wish the women would have had longer matches, but hey, I can't have everything, and there wasn't really any filler that could have been cut. It was packed, just not an overly exceptional show.

Rick will have your Fastlane recap ready at the usual time shortly after the PPV concludes on Sunday, and I'll see you in a week for another episode of SmackDown.

Episode Grade: C+