It's not every week that I'm both really busy and have several topics to choose from for my precap. I could lightly bitch about Windows 10, or lament the end of an era with The Daily Show, or simultaneously weep and celebrate over the fact that Rosa Mendes is pregnant.

Instead of all that, I'm going to just provide you a quick update on my mom, which hopefully will be the last one I'll have to give for many, many years. All the tests and everything have finally come back (though my mom's been back home for over a week), and it turns out that she had a severe case of food poisoning and a severe inner ear infection. They had nothing to do with each other: it was just a double-whammy of illness bullshit that smashed her at once.

Like I said before, this really was the best-case scenario, as both issues are going away on their own, and neither provides any lasting damage (although my mom, rightfully so, has sworn off chicken salad sandwiches that she doesn't make herself). It could have been much, much worse, and as you might expect, I was pretty much thinking all the “much worse” scenarios during that week. She's still a few days out from getting a clean bill of health, but she's long past the worst of it and will be 100% soon.

So that's one bit of good news that I can state in between weeping over Jon Stewart moving on and raging over Windows 10 moving in. Let's hope SmackDown turns out equally good, eh?

Opening: Replay of the montage of Rowdy Roddy Piper's life. I still need to get on WWE Network and watch some of his stuff.

Segment 1: Roman Reigns's music hits to open the show proper, and the man himself hits the ring through the crowd. He absorbs a few cheers but then chats about Bray Wyatt, being a little unhappy with the fact that Luke Harper interjected himself into the match at Battleground. Reigns wouldn't have had a problem going one-on-one, but if Wyatt wants to bring his “family” into things, then Reigns will bring his own family to bear. No, not The Rock: Dean Ambrose, his “psychotic brother.”

And then, uh, Rusev hits the stage? Well that was random... oh wait, he and Reigns are in the main event tonight, I see. Rusev (flanked by Summer Rae) tells Reigns to get the hell out of the ring, because he needs to talk about stuff.

Reigns rhetorically asks what Rusev could possibly want to talk about. Perhaps he wants to talk about how he's dressing up his new girlfriend like his old girlfriend? Reigns then gets adorable by pointing out that Summer is no Barbie Doll to be dressed up as Rusev pleases, concluding that that's really creepy. Rusev counters with “You don't know anything about creepy!” Reigns replies, “I know, but you do!” I'd bet dollars to cockroaches that someone went off-script there a bit.

Anyway, Rusev oddly says that Reigns doesn't know what he's talking about because he's “never been stabbed in the back by a cold fish before,” and that Reigns's attitude is so shitty that it “reminds me of her,” so Rusev is “going to call Reigns Lana.”

Reigns, like the rest of us, is confused as shit. He brings the promo home with a bit of a whimper by mocking Rusev's accent before threatening him with a Superman Punch. Meh.

Pre-Segment 2: I've never had a reason to bring this up, but I really like backlit silhouettes, like what's in the Prime Time Players' Titantron entrance video.

Segment 2 [Six-Man Tag Match]: Mark Henry & The Prime Time Players defeat The New Day by pin. Decent match, nothing special, and a little short to be memorable. Darren Young and Xavier Woods open with entertaining chain wrestling, but no noteworthy spots or sequences. The fight goes outside where we tease a Pier Six Brawl to take us to ads.

Back, and Titus O'Neil is beating the shit out of Woods with a couple “Shh” snap chops before Henry joins in with some too. Young tags in and does all right until Big E takes him down and cuts the ring in half, leading to the Merry-Go-Stomps. Yes, “Merry-Go-Stomps,” and that's my name for it.

The heel beatdown continues per formula, though O'Neil gets the hot tag fairly quickly. O'Neil cleans house, though Henry tags himself in during it. Kofi Kingston (legal) doesn't see the tag, then goes for a top rope cross body. O'Neil catches him as Henry enters the ring. O'Neil throws Kofi backwards over his head, where he is caught by Henry, who then nails him with the World's Strongest Slam.

Segment 3: After ads, The New Day is bitching and moaning to no one in particular as they walk through the backstage. They're caught by Rich Brennan—yes, I finally learned his name after several Google searches!—who asks if they they think they've slipped in the rankings as it were due to their loss. Woods points out that they didn't lose to the Prime Time Players, they lost to Mark Henry, who isn't one of the tag team champions, so their star is still on the rise. Heh.

Then New Day loses their collective mind, steals his mic, and start chanting and singing and dancing at maximum volume as they dance away off frame. Pretty sure they were dipping into Bray Wyatt's crazy pills there.

Segment 4: Hype montage for Charlotte.

Segment 5 [Singles Match]: Charlotte (w/ Becky Lynch) defeats Naomi (w/ Beautiful And Deadly) by disqualification. Basic holds and tie-ups to start with each lady winning a monkey flip both holding onto each other the whole time, which requires far more strength, grip, and balance than it looks. The first time they separate is when Naomi hits a nifty counter from a side waist lock as she walks up the ropes and springboards off them (think Cody Rhodes's old Disaster Kick) before turning in midair and twisting them both into a sunset flip. It only got a one and I thought was a tad undersold, but it was neat and silky-smooth.

Charlotte rolled through that attempt at the one and tried her own flash pin, which failed. Then they kicked it into second gear as Naomi hit her with the, uh, Ass Shaker of Doom? And Charlotte countered with Woo Chops and the Figure Eight out of freaking nowhere. Then Sasha Banks entered the ring and kicked her Charlotte in the ribs. Well then.

After the bell, Becky slid in the ring to even the odds. They cleaned house; Tamina slid in too, but bailed when both women tried simultaneous dropkicks to her face.

I was going to bitch that this was way too short, but then referee Mike Chioda chatted with Eden Stiles at ringside, and apparently the voices in his headset informed him that we're making this a tag match. Woot!

But first, ads.

Segment 6 [Tag Match]: Beautiful And Dangerous (w/ Tamina) defeat Charlotte & Becky Lynch by flash pin. Solid match with minor psychology, and with a shitty botched ending. Read on.

Back from ads and the faces have Sasha Banks controlled, although it's not long before Sasha drives Becky to the corner and cuts the ring in half thanks to a tag from Naomi. It goes back-and-forth from there as Becky tries a few flash pins that don't get anywhere, though a solid dropkick puts Naomi on her back.

Naomi finally tagged out more out of desperation than anything else. It wasn't a hot tag, and Charlotte (legal then) allowed Sasha to enter. After an exchange, Sasha threw Charlotte toward the corner. Charlotte countered like Shawn Michaels would: she did a wacky and inefficient forward flip up the turnbuckle, intentionally letting her momentum take over the top rope to the apron. She landed clean, but then Tamina hopped up on the apron and side kicked her off the apron behind the ref's back.

Now with the heels fully in control, Sasha exited the ring just to toss Charlotte back in. She and Naomi cut the ring in half and made Charlotte the face in peril with several strikes. No real limb targeting aside from a few chin locks, but it was entertaining, and Naomi spiced things up with flying running enziguris and the like.

Charlotte finally got an opening after a back body drop and quick-tagged Becky, who went house of fire. A Pier Four Brawl resulted, though Tamina once more got involved and pulled Charlotte out of the ring behind the ref's back. Naomi took control from there and beat the shit out of Becky, but couldn't close the deal.

Things settled back down to a heel beatdown on Becky, then... uh... more ads? Huh, okay. I love ultra-length divas matches.

Back, and Naomi is in full heel beatdown mode while Becky has a couple light hope spots as Mike Chioda falls asleep on the job and legalizes hair pulling. Naomi also throws in a running bulldog where Becky's face smashes into the middle turnbuckle. Holy shit.

Becky finally broke out after rolling through a double arm bar, hitting the hot tag after somersaulting under a clothesline. Charlotte when house of fire from there with chops, neckbreakers, and a Spear. Naomi broke up the pin... then, uh, stuck around.

This is a true “What the fuck?” moment here, because according to the Hulu cut, Naomi broke up the pin attempt while she was illegal, but then shot the half a second later, and the ref started counting that too. At first I thought that maybe there had been some incongruous editing going on, and the commentators had to later fire off some lines to make it match. However, everything else here—such as Becky Lynch selling on the apron and Sasha Banks rolling away, plus the positioning of the crowd—saw total continuity. In other words, Chioda allowed Naomi to “tag” herself in by just breaking up a pin attempt, which makes zero sense. That, or she tagged in before Sasha's pin attempt, which means that first pin attempt shouldn't have been counted in the first place.

Bah, whatever. What it comes down to is that Charlotte and Naomi are legal, and Naomi is the dominant one until Charlotte flashes a pin. Naomi readjusts, and Naomi holds it for the pin out of nowhere thanks to a handful of tights.

During the post-match replays, they dodged the whole non-tag situation, which was wise but still didn't answer any questions. The fans were dead, perhaps because they were just as confused as anyone over the ending.

Segment 7: RAW recap of Seth Rollins barely beating Neville.

Segment 8 [Singles Match]: Stardust defeats Zack Ryder by pin. Ryder didn't get an entrance, so you probably know how this went. The commentators talked about Stephen Amell the whole match, providing a whopping zero words about Ryder.

The fans were dead too until Ryder hit a super dropkick, soon followed by the Broski Boot. The fans perked up, but once he whiffed the Rough Ryder, they knew it wasn't going to end in his favor. Stardust hit the Queen's Crossbow presently, and that was that.

After the match, Stardust remind us that Stephen Amell is going to be on RAW. I freaking love Arrow (as overdramatic as it may be), and I think it'll be pretty entertaining, though the commentators gave him way too much attention during the match itself.

Segment 9: Replay of Paul Heyman being the greatest promo artist.

Segment 10: Rich Brennan interviews Big Show in the back, who mocks how Ryback has spent like 99% of his career injured. Also, Show threatens Miz, so... is Miz turning face by proxy or something? Anyway, it's all bluster, as the main event is next, and Show isn't part of it. I guess this interview just existed to remind us that Big Show exists, and Ryback wants a piece of him eventually.

Segment 11 [Singles Match]: Roman Reigns defeats Rusev (w/ Summer Rae) by pin. Solid match and worth a watch, but not something you're going to kick yourself for missing.

Early offense from Reigns to keep Rusev controlled at first. Rusev turned things around a bit with a half-dozen shoulder charges. Both guys exchanged heavy strikes from there, and the winner of the sequence was Rusev: Reigns was on the apron and, after an exchange, Rusev slammed his head into the turnbuckle connector. Reigns spilled to the outside, and that took us to our final ads.

Back, and Rusev has applied a Nerve Hold of Doom. A nanosecond later, it's a half-dozen strikes, a failed pin, then another nerve hold. More heel beatdown with strikes, though Rusev whiffs on a diving headbutt. Reigns goes for a hope sequence from there with a million strikes and a jumping lariat, then throws in ten corner clotheslines for good measure.

Reigns added in a belly to back suplex, which was pretty impressive to see against a guy Rusev's size. But Rusev had revenge with his trademark spinning heel kick, also impressive for his size. Shot the half, but only two.

Rusev complained, but then went for some corner knees. He delivered a couple, but Reigns countered with a sit-out powerbomb out of freaking nowhere. Only got a two, but it was a sweet and unexpected move.

Reigns then signaled for the Superman Punch, which made the crowd pay full attention. When he went for it, Rusev countered with a super kick. It stunned Reigns, though Reigns kept enough wherewithal to hit the move anyway.

Both guys down, and Summer slunk up the steps. Referee John Cone caught her and warned her off; Summer retreated after making an apologetic puppy dog face. That's when Lana hit ringside without fanfare, Lou Thesz Pressed (and cat-fought) her, then left with a smile on her face. Anyone who loves sexy ladies had smiles on their faces too, especially when Summer wrapped her legs around Lana defensively, and both ladies' skirts rode up to show off the panties. Not that I, uh, was overtly paying attention or anything.

Back in the ring, Rusev recovered and screamed in Lana's direction, though Lana never turned to face him. Reigns tried a flash pin but failed, and ate a super kick. Rusev shot the half, only a two.

Rusev then threw a temper tantrum around the entire ring like a fucking idiot, giving Reigns time to recover. Rusev tried a running clothesline or something, and Reigns countered with a Spear to finish it.

After the match, during Reigns's celebration, Wyatt appeared on the Titantron to talk some shit. He accepted the challenge Reigns posed in the opener: “You bring your lunatic, and I'll bring my brother.” And Wyatt concludes by stating that we should know by now that he welcomes this war. Chilling laugh, and we're out.

Final Thoughts: Decent night I guess, but nothing really happened. Sustainable episodic TV, I suppose, but there weren't any real storyline advancements to speak of, other than for Wyatt.

The divas' match was worth a watch too, but honestly, I'm not really overly invested in most of the women's characters at the moment. Right now, Charlotte, Sasha, and Becky are all running support, and we need a little bit more time to see them develop before we can get overly invested in their matches. Good quality wrestling, yes; they're just a step behind in “sports entertainment,” for better or worse. It's not really a knock on them per se, because it will be solved with time, and the hype montages are helping to fill in the gaps for those of us who don't watch NXT. Definitely a huge net positive, and the divas' division is looking as strong as it has in a decade.

That's about it for for me, and it's freaking midnight again. I hate that these recaps are taking me like four hours a week to do, but I don't have Rick's magical powers of photographic memory when it comes to wrestling... or anything. So I'll bid you all goodnight while I try to get some bullshit done for my YouTube channel. Have a good weekend!

Episode Grade: C+