If you're a regular reader of Online Onslaught and care about such things, you may have noticed that my “precap” production is much lower than usual. The reason behind that recent trend requires a little history. I've been employed by Rick continuously on paper for many years (twelve this June), though I took a long hiatus about halfway along that. When I came back from that hiatus, that's when I started actual recaps of RAW and SmackDown (and Girl NXT), rather than the online Byte This interview program. When I started those recaps, I swore that I would follow my philosophy as it related to online correspondence: if I have nothing to say, I will say nothing. I can't manufacture rage, I can't manufacture comedy, and any stupidity I show comes through my natural writing, so it's not worth manufacturing that either. Ergo, if I have nothing to say, I will say nothing.

It's served me pretty well, though for the precaps, I've always tried to have something to say. It doesn't have to major or important, just silly things like complaining about Farm Rich mozzarella sticks. The topic didn't really matter as long as I could fill space past the ad box, especially since not a lot of people read these anyway, but I wanted a real topic to speak about no matter how petty.

But this year has been different. I look in the mirror every morning and I less and less recognize the person I see staring back at me. I've lost a lot of my will to manufacture anything, even interest stuff I used to like. (I couldn't name you five players on the Cubs and Steelers combined, for example.) It's not that I don't have an opinion or even a statement on anything anymore; it's that I just don't have the energy, willpower, or confidence to have those opinions and statements. That person in the mirror looks like a 32-year-old young-ish man with long black hair and sharp eyes; but that person in the mirror is a lie, a facade I have to put on to quiet the voices that shout at me from the second I wake up. Behind those eyes is a mind that sees his so-called best friends doubting his ability to even have a future, a loser with a college degree and $57,000 of debt that has added up to a career in Walmart where plastic smiles and total submission in servitude to management is all that's required to keep a paycheck. And those friends are right, as are the voices: there is no light at the end of this tunnel. Not every story ends in success; real life isn't a Hollywood blockbuster. More people fail than succeed, and I am a statistic. I am just who I am, and not “for better or worse,” but for certainly worse. I'm tired of fighting for myself, and I'm tired of hiding behind my mask. I'm very, very tired.

Only Rick and Online Onslaught are a collective exception. While my other writing opportunities (both real and potential) have become filled with rejections, failures, and disillusionment, it's only Online Onslaught that gives my writing some audience, some outlet, some value. I cannot thank each of you enough for your readership and support, no matter what form it has taken: e-mails, messages on the OO Forums, or just hit counts when you load up the page to see the latest from WWE. Writing for Rick—or more accurately, writing for you—is the only time I feel alive anymore. It's the only time that I have any confidence that, while I am frequently wrong and have next to no analytical ability, I at least feel like I'm in a safe place where I belong with people who enjoy what I do. At least, I hope you enjoy what I do. I just can't promise how much longer I can do it.

I may have discontinued my precaps in general, and my enthusiasm may have waned from some of the weekly shows, but this WrestleMania preview column is still my favorite thing to write every year, and they're certainly my best work here at Online Onslaught. I really try to do my best for these; maybe you can tell, maybe you can't, maybe my best is still only 70% of you on your worst day. I don't know. All I do know is, for as tired as I am, and as for unsure I am on how much longer I can continue, I just want you (yes, you, reading this, even though I likely don't know your name) to know how much I appreciate and love the opportunity you have given me. The least I can do is to give the column my best effort. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it, since it'll be another twelve months at best before I feel this alive again.

Without further ado, let's examine the WrestleMania 31 card. As usual, I've ordered the matches from (probably) most important to least important. If you're here just for the predictions, you can check out the summary at the end of the column.

Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns

Match type: Standard singles

What's on the line: The WWE World Heavyweight Title

How we got here: Since the start of the Attitude Era back in the mid-90s, I don't recall another WrestleMania main event predicated on so few appearances on the weekly shows by anyone involved. Let's start with the champion, Brock Lesnar. Once he re-signed with WWE a couple years ago, has made sporadic appearances on the weekly shows when WWE can afford to pay his pricey appearance fee.

With knowledge that he wouldn't appear every week (or even every month), WWE has made the most of him, starting with giving him a win against The Undertaker at last year's WrestleMania, snapping The Streak and giving him powerful credibility even beyond his resume and physique. Lesnar has since gone on a winning streak of his own, culminating in beating John Cena for the WWE World Heavyweight Title at SummerSlam in August, absolutely destroying him in a one-sided display of offense kicked off by Lesnar hitting Cena with his finisher thirty seconds into the match. It was one of the most lopsided title matches in recent memory, and perhaps one of the most lopsided ever if you discount historical cheap matches (such as when Diesel captured the title from Bob Backlund in eight seconds back in 1994, or the infamous Finger Poke of Doom in 1999). If anyone else had been booked that way, it might look cheap and political; with Lesnar, it just adds to his already impressive mythology, a larger-than-life monster who is in the job he was born for and getting better at it with every match.

Lesnar's lack of appearances have meant that he hasn't had the time to really build up any feuds with anyone, which is an odd problem. It means that WWE needed to present him a challenger who was not only credible, but one who (in the fans' minds) deserved the main event to the most important professional wrestling show of the year. Cena had cashed in his rematch at Night of Champions a month later and technically won due to interference by Seth Rollins, but Cena failed to capture the title. Cena's chances were finished, so WWE needed a different playmate for Lesnar. The only solution for WWE would lie with a relative newcomer, and the best way for a newcomer to be inserted into the main event would be with a win in the Royal Rumble.

Unfortunately, their chosen winner for the 2015 Royal Rumble happened to be Roman Reigns. Reigns started with a decent following after the disillusion of The Shield stable, but the timing couldn't have been worse. Reigns did a great job in the 2014 Royal Rumble (when The Shield was still active), as he went on a dominating performance and took his first cheers from the fans as a solo player. However, any momentum Reigns started with was cut down when he suffered a serious hernia just before Night of Champions in September and had to undergo emergency surgery, costing him four months of his career. By the time Reigns came back, fellow Shield member Dean Ambrose had come into his own, and the fans were firmly behind him. Reigns's return was teased in December at the Slammy Award show, when Reigns won Superstar of the Year, somehow over Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt, Dolph Ziggler, and even John Cena. Despite the award supposedly being 100% fan-voted, it doesn't take much of a conspiratorial mind to see that the fix was in, and Reigns was going to be shoved down our throats.

Let me be clear: I'm a fan of the guy, and I want him to succeed. Even since before his return from the hernia, he had shown a weakness in cutting promos, and his singles matches prior to 2015 weren't much more than a footnote in their respective shows. But the pieces are there, the look is there, and his simplistic gimmick (pretty much just an ambitious strong man with a sense of justice) works. It all works, to a point. But it's too early for him to be in the main event at WrestleMania, and it's certainly too early for him to win the WWE Title.

WWE fumbled his 2015 Royal Rumble appearance by booking Reigns, intentionally or not, not to stand out. He didn't have the same dominating performance of 2014, and with Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler in the same event, Reigns may have arguably been the #3 fan favorite at best, but probably not even in the top five. Once Bryan and Ziggler were both eliminated, the fans knew they weren't going to get their hearts' desires, and they rebelled against the choice. Even when The Rock made a surprise appearance at the end of the Royal Rumble to help out his (legit) cousin, Reigns had at best 40% cheers as he stood victorious.

WWE heard the boos and read the tweets, and booked a match between Bryan and Reigns at Fast Lane for the WrestleMania main event spot as a mea culpa of pretending they gave a damn. The storyline behind that was pretty stupid, as it basically boiled down to “Reigns is an idiot who doesn't realize he's contractually guaranteed that spot and agreed to the match for absolutely no reason.” The match happened, and while it was Reigns's best singles match of his career, it didn't do anything to instill any additional confidence in his abilities or readiness. Regardless of the fans' feelings though, Reigns won, so he'll challenge for the title on March 29.

What's expected: I'll be honest: I don't know how good Lesnar's ring psychology is when he's calling matches. I do know that Reigns's psychology is not great, if his matches are any indication. When he's got a good playing partner, he can hold his own, but his offense is almost entirely power-based, conversely to Lesnar, who has a variety of power and mat work. I'm unconvinced this will make for an interesting match to watch.

If this is at least the third-best match of the night, I'll be surprised, and I'll happily eat crow in my next recap.

My prediction: Lesnar's contract is up soon, and if I remember correctly, the plan was always going to see Lesnar give up the title at WrestleMania since he's leaving. But now there are noises that he's staying after all and will sign an extension contract, and if he does, there won't be a reason for him not to win. (Rick, I wouldn't mind an Ed. Note here to correct me if I'm wrong.) [Ed. Note: Lesnar did, in fact, announce a new 3-year deal to stay in WWE. That means all options are now on the table... but Lesnar retaining will STILL mean the WWE Champion only works 6-8 matches per year, as his new deal does not involve a significant increase in dates worked.] Lesnar is over enough that he can retain it without making the fans feel like they wasted their money, and given that most are rebelling against Reigns's insertion into the main event anyway, Lesnar may wind up a temporary de facto face before the match is over.

It seems safest to me to say that Brock Lesnar will win and retain since it's not Reigns's time, even though it goes against WWE's recent preference to end WrestleMania with a face win. The last time they went against it was 2011 at WrestleMania 27 when The Miz retained the WWE Championship over John Cena, but even that WrestleMania ended with The Rock hitting both of them with his finishers just to pop the crowd.

If Reigns does somehow win, I would strongly prefer to see Seth Rollins cash in his Money in the Bank contract and pin a weakened Reigns for the title. Rollins isn't ready for it either (though he's definitely more ready than Reigns), but they've never done a Money in the Bank cash-in at WrestleMania, and now would be a good year to do it. Reigns can claim the victory, but then Rollins can steal it and, since there is already a soft-boiling feud there, they will have instant heat when they feud over the title. That would cover Lesnar's exit if he does indeed leave, and a relative newcomer heel “stealing” the title will work much better as a story than a relative newcomer (fan-rejected) face winning it clean.

The common thread here, and my official prediction: Reigns will not leave WrestleMania the champion, regardless of how the match turns out. The Seth Rollins angle would even work if he pins a weakened Brock Lesnar, but I don't see them having the guts to try that; I wouldn't think Lesnar would allow himself to be booked that way anyway, but it'd be a hell of a finish to the show. One can hope, I suppose.

Triple H vs. Sting

Match type: Standard singles

What's on the line: Basically nothing; see below

How we got here: It would take much longer than a 11,000-word column to explain the depth of Sting's character and significance of his appearance. If you don't know who he is, a little research on his Wikipedia page will likely tell you all you need to know about the guy, and then some.

To make a long story short and overly simplified, Sting is the last major wrestler of the Attitude Era who never appeared in a WWE-branded ring. He is on record as stating that his hesitance relates to WWE's handling of WCW's stars: after Vince McMahon bought WCW in 2001 and WWE started the whole “Invasion of WCW” storyline, WWE went out of its way to belittle or render irrelevant the starts of WCW. It took several forms, from The Rock stating he never heard of Booker T (despite him being the five-time WCW World Champion) to turning the monster face Goldberg into a joke with all his flaws exposed and his momentum cut off at the knees. Sting, who retains ownership of his character, didn't want to suffer the same fate, so he stayed away and eventually joined TNA. Still, WWE owns his legacy; all WCW footage is theirs, so if Sting didn't eventually play nice, we wouldn't be seeing any Sting compilations or histories.

It was probably always going to happen, but Sting needed to be in the right place. Now well past his prime and probably close to retirement, the timing was right, and he's joined WWE at least for a temporary (and likely expensive) spot on the roster.

Sting's character has always been a face, one of the few wrestlers ever to spend basically his whole career in one alignment. (The only other one I can think of is Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.) Carrying through that tradition, he made his appearance at Survivor Series 2014as a “vigilante” to right an injustice. Triple H was leading his heel stable The Authority, and they had already managed to turn Big Show from face to heel by having him betray his team in a traditional Survivor Series match. If the faces won, The Authority would be out of power, but Dolph Ziggler eventually stood alone against three Authority members.

Ziggler made a go of it and teased a win, eliminating two heels on the opposing team and forcing the match to whittle down to just he and Seth Rollins. Ziggler had Rollins's number, but Triple H got involved by causing interference, beating up referees, and doing everything he could to stay in power. When it seemed he was going to screw over Ziggler completely, Sting made his appearance (albeit with a little lack of punch due to already having a full Titantron video and music package). Sting said nothing but kept Triple H occupied, allowing Ziggler to recover and finish off Seth Rollins.

The Authority's ejection from power didn't last long, and once Triple H came back, he made it his mission to challenge Sting verbally and ask why Sting couldn't keep his nose out of the Authority's business. After a few one-sided promos from Trips, their first face-to-face meeting came at WWE Fast Lane, where Triple H offered Sting to just walk away and leave his legacy intact while reaping the financial benefits; but if Sting insisted on playing the vigilante, then Trips would face him in a match at WrestleMania. It's implied that if Sting loses, his “legacy” will be gone, and WWE won't publish any of those aforementioned compilation DVDs or other merchandise. Sting naturally doesn't care, and he accepted Triple H's challenge after bashing in his gut with his trademark baseball bat (in self-defense of course).

What's expected: Both guys are over the hill based on the average professional wrestler, but that doesn't mean they no longer have skills. Triple H's last match was at June at the Payback pay-per-view, and he honestly looked as good as ever. For whatever steps they may have lost physically given their ages, fans probably won't notice or care. Trips and Sting have histories of making their opponents look great despite any booked ending, so while I don't think this will be in the conversation for Match of the Year, it will certainly be an entertaining one.

The match also has the benefit of being predicated on a unique situation that will never be repeated. Sting has a legacy and longevity that cannot be matched, and anyone from TNA who would make a similar attempt at jumping to WWE wouldn't be greeted with the same enthusiasm from the crowd. Trips is one of the best heel workers out there and he's a master at working the crowd, so he'll know how to get all the fans into the match regardless of what exactly it looks like.

My prediction: Despite Sting “winning” each encounter he's had with Trips so far, it seems obvious to me that Sting wins this one, though that doesn't necessarily mean he'll be completely done with the company afterward. Trips loses nothing personally on a match loss in this situation, and putting Sting over on the biggest show of the year just makes the most sense. After all, Sting must ultimately come out on top for this storyline, and if not at WrestleMania, then where? SummerSlam? I can't imagine WWE trying to slow-burn this story for three more months or longer, and having Sting go over during one of the non-Big Four pay-per-views is just silly.

This is Sting's time, his moment, and perhaps his only WrestleMania appearance. Let him go out on top, and if he sticks around for a bit, then you can have him play with a “normal” feud and take a couple losses in the course of a normal storyline.

Bray Wyatt vs. The Undertaker

Match type: Standard singles

What's on the line: Nothing

How we got here: Since Bray Wyatt's debut in 2012, his star has always been on the rise. There have been very few wrestlers who have captured and commanded the attention of all the fans from the very start, but between Bray's creepy promos that are just this side of sane to his solid brawling skills, it's hard not to get behind the guy despite being ostensibly a heel from the start.

Bray started his (character's) career with Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, collectively called The Wyatt Family, but Bray broke off on his own in September after “setting Harper and Rowan free.” Bray's feuds have been solid but nothing earth-shattering, and have no bearing on his current status. Suffice to say, he has “lost” each of his feuds, but always comes back stronger and without missing a bit of heat. The fans, who get on board with his no-lights entrance by holding up their cell phone flashlights, have been slowly turning him face despite his actual alignment.

The creepy borderline crazy promos and his brawl-based offensive style, not to mention his relatively unique finisher, have drawn fan parallels to the Undertaker for some time. After the 2015 Royal Rumble, Bray started calling out Undertaker with cryptic promos where, at first, he didn't even mention Taker's name. There was no doubt left in the minds of the fans at Fast Lane, however. Bray used Undertaker's entrance music and even rented his druids just to be “delivered” to the ring in a casket to cut the first promo to mention Taker by name.

The Undertaker didn't respond at first, and in fact had been missing in action since WrestleMania 30, since his loss to Brock Lesnar. This isn't a major concern, as Taker has only shown up to WrestleMania for the past five or six years, not any of the weekly shows (aside from pre-WrestleMania hype), with only one exception a couple years ago to lose to The Shield. However, WWE is weaving Taker's usual absence into the story: it's no secret that Taker legit collapsed after his match and had to be taken to a hospital, thus leading to the only time Vince McMahon left a WrestleMania so he could be there with him. Bray is using that situation to declare that Brock Lesnar, upon breaking The Streak last year, has left Taker broken and battered, that Lesnar “took Taker's body,” and Bray is going to complete the cycle by taking Taker's soul.

Taker appeared at least by voice in the March 9 edition of RAW, as Bray cut a promo using Undertaker's famous urn as a prop. Bray opened it to assure us that it was “empty and hollow,” as was Undertaker, but as Bray set it back on an overly large covered “table” in the ring, it started smoking. Lights went out, and when they reappeared, Bray's previously broken signature rocking chair sat in the middle of the ring, with the table and urn gone. Taker's voice sounded through the arena to state that at WrestleMania, Bray will rest in peace. And then thanks to the magic of computer graphics, viewers at home saw a heavenly bolt of purple lightning strike and ignite the chair. (The fans in the arena just saw it spark thanks to the pyrotechnic charges placed on it.) Bray laughed but not out of humor, and the match was basically official at that point.

Of note here, that entire sequence was cool to me, which puts my opinion in direct opposition with Rick's. The odd thing is that I totally understand and even agree with Rick when he calls such effects “Gay Spooky,” especially concerning the live audience, since from their perspective, it's less “spooky” and just stupid. Even more so if they can see the pyrotechnic charges from a distance.

Here's the thing: I'm unapologetically a fan of the Undertaker. That puts me in the sliver of minority in the Internet Wrestling Community, a fact I assure you that I don't lose a wink of sleep over. While I have grown up since I became a professional wrestling fan in 1993, and while I do wish for more realism in the storylines in regards to tone and attitude, the Undertaker is my exception. I wouldn't care if he wiggled his fingers and entranced Bray with his, uh, demonic... hypnotic... powers from Death Valley... or whatever. From literally any other superstar on the roster, even those in the future whom we have not yet seen, I would rather see “spooky” as a mood rather than an easy effect from Adobe Premiere. Bray, in fact, so far has shown creepy ticks just by his actions and words without resorting to CGI, and he does it right, as Bray's entire gimmick centers around a man clearly insane with but with a magnetic charm that makes others do his bidding. If the aforementioned fans are any indication, he's certainly living the character at this point.

But you know what? You could not pay me enough to dismiss Undertaker's “powers.” As far as I'm concerned, when wrestling is on my television and a show is actually on (instead of, say, a behind-the-scenes special or something), there is no such man as Mark Calaway; it's all Undertaker, all the time, and he can blow up rocking chairs all he wants, and I'll cheer it every day of the week and probably twenty times on Sunday. He's the only one I'll give that courtesy, but whatever. He's in my top-three favorite wrestlers of all time, and the other two don't even wrestle anymore, so I don't mind accepting a prepubescent mentality of glee and wonder whenever he's performing. [Ed. Note: I still don't care for the execution of the rocking chair lightning... but the unabashed tingly happiness that Pyro feels is how I felt when WWE unleashed the new Johnny Cash version of the Taker/Bray vignette. So I now, retroactively, give a pass to the earlier stupidity, because Sunday is when The Man Comes Around.]

What's expected: Undertaker continues to surprise me with his in-ring heavy brawl-based offense... until last year, when he looked utterly old and destroyed. Given that his opponent was Lesnar, I could accept that it had been booked that way for the same reason Lesnar was booked to dominate John Cena at SummerSlam. However, Taker is different: given that Taker is a once-a-year “attraction,” it would be insanity to book his match that way. Instead, we have to accept that Taker was concussed early in the match, then spent the remainder of it being a shell of his former self before legit collapsing in the backstage area.

The question is, what kind of long-term damage did that do? How much of an indication is it to his overall abilities? It's obvious he's well past his prime, but the man is an absolute genius when it comes to ring psychology and calling matches: the dude could make me look like the next CM Punk if he really wanted to, and I have the muscle and fat content of a bag of Doritos. As such, any steps Taker has missed in his raw physical ability are more than made up for by how he can call a match; his flaws can be easily hidden, and especially with a good playing partner, his flaws wouldn't even matter.

But... that's when he's at 100%. The Undertaker is a classic tough guy, someone who isn't going to let you know how badly he's hurting, and someone who will never phone it in, especially in this situation. There is no chance he'd phone it in this time either, but it does make me question just how well he can be physical in the ring. Bray Wyatt has a hard-hitting brawl-based style, and while this isn't going to devolve into a hardcore match or anything, I wonder just how much Taker has in the tank. Don't misunderstand me: I mean no disrespect to the man who essentially made me a professional wrestling fan a couple decades ago. All I'm saying is that time isn't something that can be stopped no matter how strong your willpower is, and we saw the first major cracks in Taker's age last year, assuming I wasn't blind to them sooner.

Still, at the end of the night, it doesn't matter: unless something goes catastrophically wrong, much like Triple H vs. Sting, the fans are going to be all over this match, and they are going to love it. Even people who dislike Undertaker on principle enjoy Bray's gimmick, and may cheer Bray over Taker. Regardless, it will be highly entertaining, and I think will be in the top-three matches of the night, though not necessarily in terms of pure workrate.

My prediction: I'm incredibly torn. Now that there isn't the pressure of The Streak hanging over the bookers' heads, I think the smart play here is that Bray wins and reaps an absolutely insane amount of credibility and overness. Though, if we could rewrite history and have Taker 22-0 going into this one, I would have the same view, maybe even stronger.

In a sense, I would like to see Undertaker win as a “revenge” win for his loss last year, but Bray isn't Lesnar, and vengeance is unnecessary. As a mark, I want Taker to win for sure, just because I'm a huge fan of the guy. But, I'm not deaf to the words of the Internet Wrestling Community despite them actively annoying me like most subcultures, and I understand that most see Taker as being so broken and over the hill that he has no business being active anymore. WWE has given the fans a solid “screw you” for lesser reasons, and I could see Taker going over Bray just to solidify his presence, and Bray really wouldn't lose anything in the loss.

For the purposes of the long-term outlook of WWE, what I would really love to see happen is Bray winning, Taker somehow passing the torch, and then Taker retiring. But I've been thinking Taker was going to retire for each of the last five years; and I was still convinced, until Bray cut that first promo this year, that I had seen Taker's last match with his loss to Lesnar. So I'm not even going to try to predict Taker's career path anymore.

So, all that considered... while I think the smarter play and the better one for long-term business is to see Bray take the win and accept a passing of the torch, I predict Undertaker will take the win partly to avenge his loss last year and reestablish his position and mythos. Bray loses nothing (and in fact arguably gains credibility just being in the same ring as Undertaker, especially if the match is good), and his star will continue to rise over 2015.

Meanwhile, if the rumors are true and Sting and Undertaker want to have a match at WrestleMania that will make all fans of the Attitude Era explode into orgasmic ecstasy, then Taker and Sting can win their respective matches this year, then have a match next year at WrestleMania 32 with all the momentum on their side. Because if they really want to do that match, it's gotta happen soon: neither man has that much time left, and if they both win this year, they can end it however they want next year, and even both walk away from active competition, with their heads held high no matter who gets the ultimate win.

Bad News Barrett (c) vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper vs. Stardust

Match type: Seven-way Ladder Match

What's on the line: The WWE Intercontinental Title

How we got here: This story was mainly cobbled together only in the last month, but it's above serviceable for the undercard. Prior to Fast Lane, Dean Ambrose started harassing Bad News Barrett for a shot at the IC Title. Barrett continually declined the challenges, though Ambrose eventually got his shot after zip-tying Barrett's arms around a ring post, sticking a pen in his hands, and forcibly moving them across the contract. In the real-world, this is wildly illegal, but it's professional wrestling, so whatever.

Ambrose lost the match at Fast Lane due to unintentional disqualification, but hit Barrett with his Dirty Deeds finisher and stole the belt anyway. This triggered a sequence of events that caused all the men mentioned above to steal or give each other the title belt for no reason other than trolling Barrett. Most of them even have a non-title win over Barrett (usually due to shenanigans from the others), so they've all kinda-sorta earned their separate shots.

Most of the guys have not cut promos about their motivations. Dolph Ziggler was the first, as he “illegally” wore the belt on the March 5 SmackDown to remind us that he never got his rematch for it. Indeed so: Dolph had the IC Title in November, but ran afoul of The Authority, who booked him in a title match against Luke Harper on a random Monday Night RAW in November. Dolph lost the match due to The Authority's interference, but was then involved with a team for a traditional Survivor Series match a few weeks later. Though Dolph won that match as the sole survivor of his team (and thanks to help from Sting), The Authority fired him once they could, canceling his rematch. Dolph may be rehired, but he never got his shot, and he assured us that he's going to win and keep the belt.

Daniel Bryan cut a promo a week later to state that he had avoided discussing the IC Title because he was in denial about not getting another chance at the main event. After failing to win the Royal Rumble and losing to Roman Reigns at Fast Lane (at which Reigns's main event spot had been on the line), DB had been too angry and frustrated at himself to do much of anything else. But he looked back in history to his heroes growing up, including Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, and Randy Savage, each of whom not only won the IC Title at WrestleMania but also stole the show in the process. DB decided to follow in their footsteps, especially since the IC Title is the only one he hasn't won yet.

Of note, a six-man tag match on the March 12 SmackDown saw the faces (sans R-Truth) face the heels. The faces won, but in an unusual post-match interview after Bryan made the pin, Ziggler took credit for the win for “doing most of the work.” More interestingly, Ambrose stated that DB may have all the love of the fans, but all the wrestlers in the back know that DB's attitude in the locker room makes him a “turd.” Dolph concurred, explicitly stating that DB is, indeed, a turd. DB sold it as dismissive and confused, but I can't help but wonder if that's the start of something larger that's going to continue past 'Mania. Is DB, Ambrose, and Ziggler too embedded to turn heel, or are the writers up to something? Or am I reading too much into it? Either way, with a match like this, turn teases (or possibly straight-up turns) are going to happen.

What's expected: I think a couple of these guys are being sold short, but given the make up of the other matches on the card, there are certainly worse things that could happen than these seven working together, in a ladder match no less. Bryan, Ziggler, and Stardust especially can impress with their bouncy antics, while Barrett, Harper, and Ambrose are solid or better at brawls.

Still, a couple of the guys have no realistic shot at winning, but does it really matter? Bryan will likely be the standout even if I'm convinced he's above the IC Title, unless the overall goal here is to elevate the IC Title to be just a tiny step below the WWE World Heavyweight Title, which Bryan is capable of doing.

Regardless of the outcome though, not only will this be a spotfest, but given the workrate abilities of some of the guys involved, this match has the potential to steal the show. Given especially that the main event is fairly weak, I would be shocked if this isn't at least the second-best match of the night overall, and certainly the best for in-ring action. I'm expecting to be the best overall though, and likely in the conversation for Match of the Year in December.

My prediction: No concrete idea here, as they could could several ways with it. It sort of depends if anyone's star is on the rise that WWE really wants to push. As stated above, Ziggler and Bryan are really the only ones who have really given any sort of promo as to why they want it; the others are just trolling Barrett (Ambrose and Truth) or being noncommittal, goofy, or vicious about it (Harper and Stardust). WWE can't, or shouldn't, ignore the cheers of the audience, and it just might be Ziggler's time to shine again. Dolph Ziggler wins, maybe finally keeping his push going this time instead of having it cut off at the knees for the millionth time, and the others break away to other feuds that may matter more to the weekly shows.

That is, except for Barrett himself. I could see him winning it, but I think it works better if Ziggler wins. Although usually it's the face who chases a heel, Barrett can chase Ziggler (with Barrett claiming he “never really lost it” in a nice moment of symmetry to Dolph's never getting a rematch against Harper) and form a feud. That one should have some good legs, especially given both guys' propensity for promos.

Rusev (c) vs. John Cena

Match type: Standard singles

What's on the line: The WWE United States Title

How we got here: Rusev debuted with a bang in 2014 at the Royal Rumble, and since then has never lost via pinfall or submission (though he has lost by DQ or countout). He's carried that winning streak through capturing the US Title from Sheamus back in November, which has elevated the belt a little; there's nothing better than the title to be held by someone who feels so much discontent about its origin.

Rusev's gimmick is a throwback to the 80s, voicing stereotyped anti-American sentiments to an audience that is surprisingly falling for it. It could be that his attractive mouthpiece, Lana, does all his talking and is so damn good with patronizing tones that you can't help but boo the both of them. It's not quite going over as well as the Iron Shiek's anti-American antics in the 80s, but it's certainly going over better than I thought it would. It includes played-straight angles such as Vladimir Putin supposedly sending over some sort of award for the guy on behalf of Russia; clearly kayfabe, played straight to a crowd that obviously knows it, yet WWE is unapologetically telling their story. So, whatever.

Rusev has rather easily dispatched Big E and Jack Swagger in separate pro-American rivalries, both of which did affect the crowd enough to care. It's kind of strange to me because I would have assumed his star would have fizzled out by now, but they keep finding new opponents for him. It helps that Rusev is pretty solid in the ring since he moves better than most guys his size. His camel clutch finisher is a little lame, though even that generally gets oversold to make it look pretty threatening.

It's that camel clutch finisher—which Rusev calls the Accolade—which is the center of the latest chapter of his story. John Cena decided to try to be an all-American hero and attempt to take Rusev down back at Fast Lane; the US Title would have just been icing on the cake. But the match ended thanks to the Accolade, and while Cena never tapped out, he did pass out, and lost the match due to a ref stoppage submission.

Cena demanded a rematch, though Rusev initially refused to grant it. Rusev spent a couple weeks beating down a couple guys, including Jack Swagger once more, but Cena caught him on a random Monday Night RAW. Cena applied his STF, even putting a little extra sideways torque on it, and caused Rusev to pass out; lovely symmetry. (Then Cena splashed water on Rusev to wake him up just lock in the STF a second time and make him pass out again, which we're supposed to be cheering for for some reason.) Lana was at ringside and demanded Cena to release the hold, which he didn't, so she agreed on Rusev's unconscious behalf to a match for the title at WrestleMania just to get him to let go. We saw after commercials that Rusev wasn't happy, but it didn't matter.

A couple weeks later on RAW, Rusev and Cena were supposed to have a contract signing. Cena once again went all-out with pro-American rhetoric that was so over the top it may have been considered cheesy even in the 80s. The live fans seemed to enjoy it, so what do I know? Rusev then appeared without Lana, who has been missing since she and Rusev argued. Rusev initially declined to sign the contract, but did so after going on a “scathing” anti-American tirade full of cliches and vague language without actually stating much of anything. Cena countered by shouting equally meaningless contrary statements, but the match is set.

What's expected: The matches Rusev have had with Cena haven't been Match of the Year or anything, but Rusev can hold his own just about as well as any rookie can expect to, and Cena himself of course has the experience to make just about anyone look like a million bucks. They good playing partners, even if there isn't much heat on their feud, but not every match needs to be a five-star stellar to serve its purpose. Rusev is doing very well in his role as a midcarder monster heel, and Cena seems to have accepted his transition to a gatekeeper with as much aplomb as everything else he's done.

All told, it should be another decent match. The heat on it is negligible since Cena even gets booed over Rusev sometimes, but usually the wankers who go that route settle down after a couple minutes and get into the spirit of the thing. And even if they don't, it doesn't matter; whether Rusev is booed or not, he acts like a heel in his matches and tells that story in the ring, always to solid effectiveness.

I look for this one to be worthy of a weekly main event, unless Rusev has another gear we haven't seen yet. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm also not expecting the match to set the hour on fire, let alone the whole show. If I was booking the show, I'd make this my opening match, although given that Cena is involved, it's doubtful they'll do it.

My prediction: I would love to see Rusev win. I'm not anti-Cena like the aforementioned wankers, and I don't even “boo him ironically” or whatever you want to call it. I've been admitting to approaching professional wrestling with a mark's mentality from the beginning of my career here at Online Onslaught, and it's not changing now; I wouldn't mind “getting into” the story in the sense of booing Rusev (the character) for his anti-American sentiments if they were actually uniquely clever. That said, most of them have just been eye roll-inducing, and the entire storyline bores me. It doesn't offend me or irritate me in the slightest; I'm just completely apathetic.

Taking the larger view, I think a Rusev win would help the overall situation, certainly in the long term, more than a Cena win here. Cena doesn't need the US Title, and I think WWE would sort of write themselves into a corner if he's got it; who would challenge him for it? What good would come of it? Let Rusev continue his dominance for a bit, because he would be best used as a foil of a relative newcomer midcarder whose star is on the rise and needs a title push. Frankly, I thought Big E could have made a decent use of it, but it was not to be.

Regardless of my fantasy booking, I'm not confident WWE would go that direction. This is WrestleMania after all, and Rusev finally losing clean would be a huge deal; I just think they've got the wrong opponent to do it. It seems to be a theme of this column that my idea of the best play and WWE's are likely at odds, but I'm calling John Cena to win against better judgment. I don't know what the hell they're going to do with him or the US Title even the next day, but I have a sinking feeling Cena will be walking out with the same title he last won in 2004. [Ed. Note: Cena can win without doing significant damage to Rusev... so long as Rusev's first loss happens without Lana, you can reboot Rusev and put him on another dominant streak as soon as she's back from shooting her movie. Gets his loss out of the way, to an absolute top guy, and then he can get the win (and the title) back from Cena in May or June.]

Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins

Match type: Standard singles

What's on the line: Nothing

How we got here: Randy Orton most recently turned heel in 2013, cashing in the Money in the Bank contract in August 2013 and winning the WWE Championship with the help of Triple H attacking Daniel Bryan. Since then, Orton has stayed as Triple H's ally, being one of the founders of Trips's Authority stable. Orton has won and lost titles in the interim, culminating in his losing a #1 Contender's Match at Hell in a Cell in October 2014 against John Cena. Orton spent the next while on the decline as Seth Rollins, who won Money in the Bank in 2014, became elevated within The Authority. Rollins and Orton soft-feuded for their spot, and Rollins's frustration turned violent as he Curb Stomped Orton during a tag match in which they were teammates; Orton responded a week later with an RKO despite The Authority's objections. Triple H booked a match between Orton and Rollins in November so they could settle their differences, spent most of 2014 as a heel, acting as just another member in the Authority stable headed by Triple H. Rollins won the match clean, then proceeded to Curb Stomp Orton on the steel steps, writing him off of TV for a while (to cover his exit so he could star in a movie).

Orton returned at Fast Lane but acted “ambiguous” to The Authority. That is, everyone involved thought Orton was on the level and returned to The Authority with all forgiven, while his to-camera winks and smirks showed the fans that he had something up his sleeve. On the March 9 edition of RAW, he finally showed his true colors by refusing to tag Rollins during a tag match, then beat the crap out of him after Rollins's bodyguards, J&J Security (Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury), had been dismissed. Orton officially challenged Rollins to the WrestleMania match on March 16.

Although it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that they would fight, we at Online Onslaught tip our collective cap to WWE's writers for the rapid escalation of the feud in the last month. It would have been all too easy (and expected) for Orton to just come back and beat the crap out of Rollins in “vengeance” or whatever, but instead they decided to do the light deception element to his return. It's a small thing, but it's appreciated and gives the feud that extra little help to let it stand out a bit.

What's expected: Rollins has quickly proven himself of having stellar matches. His triple threat match against John Cena and Brock Lesnar at Royal Rumble 2015 will be in the conversation for Match of the Year in December, and so far, it still hasn't been topped. Of course, he had excellent playing partners then, and the nature of a triple threat match lends itself to some amazing work, so there bonus points there; but that isn't to say Rollins didn't hold his own. Rollins hasn't really had a “bad” match yet, going back even to the days when The Shield was still a thing. He's young, healthy, and has a great style that straddles the line between roughneck offense and eye-popping flying spots.

Orton was never stellar in the ring regardless of how hard he's worked, but he's been quite watchable in the last few years. I'm not saying he's “bad” either; just that, I've never found him exciting. It doesn't help that he is perhaps among the worst on the active roster who preens and poses during his matches. Granted, all wrestlers regardless of alignment have to do that to tell the story and work the crowd. It's just that Orton usually does it way too much, even for a heel, enough it annoys the hell out of me. (Just to state that I don't hold that against Orton specifically, I couldn't stand it when Ric Flair did it either, and as legendary as Flair is, I wasn't a fan of his ring work either.)

That said, I'm convinced that Orton has more positives than negatives at this point (regardless of whether I enjoy watching his work subjectively) as long as you don't keep a mic in his hands, and Rollins has yet to show any cracks. Both guys are pretty over, and the extra sizzle they put into the feud in the last month will aid their work. The fans will be into it, and unless Orton collapses completely, I can't see how Rollins will have even a mediocre match. I expect this one to look pretty good, probably beating out Rusev/Cena, and settle in at the third-best match of the night.

My prediction: If WWE decided to swerve the hell out of us, I'd like to see a repeat of WrestleMania 10: have Orton beat Rollins clean here, but have Rollins cash in the Money in the Bank contract after the main event and win the title. The feud extends, and Orton becomes a very sympathetic babyface since now, he has a “claim” to a title shot but Rollins is protected by The Authority. And if everything else shakes out as I've predicted so far, Trips will have lost, which means he'll be pissy and bent on taking out his anger on someone; may as well be Orton, since they already have history. Reigns and Rollins have history too, and Reigns will have a claim for wanting a title shot (since he “beat” Lesnar), and then you have a three-way feud for the top title that can practically write itself for months. Throw in a bunch of ancillary challengers, and you can keep this going till Survivor Series.

...But I'm no booker, and many would probably say I'm a bad fantasy booker too. (You might even be saying it right now!) I don't think WWE would try that, as cool as it would be, since they're taking fewer chances at WrestleMania nowadays.

Still, it might be a little too “neat” to end things with an Orton win here. I would think there should be some build-up here, and Rollins still has the entire Authority at his back, including Big Show, Kane, and J&J Security. It's rare that any face is able to conquer shenanigans the first time they have to deal with them, and Orton has had the moral victories in this feud thus far. Seth Rollins will wind up winning this match, and extend the feud a bit longer... though hopefully not in its current form all the way to SummerSlam. They probably can't do that anyway since Rollins's Money in the Bank contract will expire by then, so he'll need to do something with it soon. I can't imagine they'd book Rollins to beat Orton and later cash in the contract in the same night, as it might make him look a little too strong; it's unlikely they want to push him to the moon.

AJ & Paige vs. The Bella Twins

Match type: Standard tag

What's on the line: Nothing

How we got here: It probably goes without saying that the Divas division is a mess, though it seems to me messier than usual, with sudden non-turns and a sophomoric set of storylines. Where to start?

At WrestleMania 30, AJ retained the Divas Champion (extending her nearly one-year reign) after outlasting basically everyone else in the division. Paige was introduced to the main roster from NXT the night after WrestleMania, where she made an immediate impact with her signature goth appearance and actual wrestling skill, beating AJ in an impromptu match and winning the title. AJ was written off TV for a few months following the loss to recover from injuries.

AJ returned in June, winning back her title from Paige on her redebut night; as I've stated twice already in this column, I love that kind of symmetrical storytelling. AJ lost it again to Paige at SummerSlam, but then won it again at Night of Champions.

At Night of Champions, AJ and Paige weren't the only two involved in the title match. Nikki Bella was also involved, and had her own history going on at the same time; this is where it gets murky. Nikki's sister Brie is the real-life wife of Daniel Bryan, who ran afoul of The Authority through WrestleMania. Brie suffered The Authority's wrath when Daniel Bryan wouldn't play ball, then was (kayfabe) fired. Brie also resisted by attacking Stephanie McMahon, and was subsequently (kayfabe) arrested for it. Stephanie got even by forcing Nikki compete in handicap matches while her sister had to watch. Brie, no longer willing to see her sister suffer, challenged Stephanie to a match despite no longer being part of the roster. Stephanie reinstated her and accepted, leading to their match at SummerSlam. It was there that Nikki turned heel by attacking her sister and siding with Stephanie. Stephanie rewarded that loyalty by inserting her into the aforementioned Night of Champions match for the Divas Title.

Nikki lost the match, but still stewed about the punishments she had had to endure prior to the turn. She booked her own sister into similar handicap matches; however, Brie was able to overcome them. Brie and Nikki then faced off at Hell in a Cell in October. Because Brie lost, she had to be Nikki's “assistant” for a month. Nikki naturally treated her like garbage and routinely humiliated her, but after the thirty days, Brie stuck around anyway, citing that blood is thicker than water. WWE hinted during Brie's “assistant” phase that there would be another chapter between the two, but it was quietly forgotten in favor of the new direction. Brie simply, quietly turned heel for absolutely no reason. Brie didn't even cut a promo about it; the commentators simply said it Brie changed her mind and was all about supporting Nikki from then on, which reeks of Stockholm Syndrome to me.

Whatever the reason, the Bellas operated as a unit as they cheated their way to the top. Nikki won the Divas Title from AJ at Survivor Series due to Brie's help, and has held it since. AJ was written out after Survivor Series to heal a legit neck injury; in the interim, Nikki feuded with a couple of the women while using Brie as her backup, though the latest feud is against Paige. This where the story gets really stupid, as WWE's writers (or the old man giving them orders) forgot that women exist beyond their pre-teens: the Bellas have been “bullying” and “humiliating” Paige by calling her pale or pudgy. The most insulting came on the February 2 edition of Monday Night RAW, when they assaulted Paige and sprayed her stomach with a little spray tan. Paige cried over it. Let me reiterate in big bold letters: PAIGE BAWLED OVER A LITTLE SPRAY TAN ON HER STOMACH. Paige, whose entire character has been a goth with an “I don't care if I'm pretty or not, I'm just me, and I'm here to be the best wrestler I can be” attitude cried over spray tan.

It was awful, but to WWE's credit, its writers saw the error of their ways the next week. Well, to a point: the Bellas still did petty stupid bullshit and continued to think that calling Paige ugly and pale was somehow a serrated dagger to the heart. But Paige was written not to be such a submissive: instead, she went with the much more reasonable line of “The Bellas aren't talented so this is the only way they can get any sort of attention” promo, and instead of getting even with stupid pranks, Paige concentrated on winning matches. The Bellas even stole Paige's ring gear, to which she responded by borrowing a dress from one of Adam Rose's Rose Bud groupies. According to the commentators, Paige dressed in the dress was “embarrassing,” but Paige herself made no indication of such, and once again just pushed that she's here to win, regardless of others' judgments.

Finally at Fast Lane on February 22, Nikki beat Paige and retained after using an illegal pin. They had an indirect rematch the next night, February 23, when Paige and Emma took on the Bella Twins in a tag match. Paige wanted to fight Nikki pre-match, but Emma told her to relax, then lost in under thirty seconds. The next week (March 2), Nikki and Paige finally had their actual Fast Lane rematch. Paige won via disqualification, and the Bellas Twins both attacked Paige afterward. AJ returned from injury to make the save, and despite AJ and Paige being rivals in 2014, they've put their differences aside for the sake of beating down common enemies.

What's expected: That February 23 RAW match featuring Paige, Emma, and the Bella Twins turned out to be important for one reason: someone on Twitter started a hashtag campaign called “Give Divas a Chance” after the insultingly short length of it and the previous night's title match, and the hashtag inexplicably gained so much steam that it was still trending even 48 hours later, the only WWE-related hashtag that did so despite the RAW live show and SmackDown's taping. WWE insisted it was listening, leading to the aforementioned Nikki/Paige rematch on March 2 and the next week, which actually got a full seven minutes and showed that Nikki does have some semblance of ring skill.

...And then the divas were relegated once again to arguing about petty bullshit. Not just the ones in this feud; Natalya and Naomi have been feuding separately as they ruin each other's dinner dates and the like. I probably shouldn't get started on that one either, since Natalya's feud angers me even more than this one, especially since it has an undertone of an abusive relationship.

Regardless, the point is that WWE pretended to care about the hashtag campaign, but only for one week; I have no optimism that there are any long-term plans to push the women as to anything more than a curious sideshow rather than their own outright, unique style and storylines. If anything, WWE has appropriated the hashtag for their own purposes, as each of the B-list women—notably Cameron and Summer Rae for some reason—insisting that “Give Divas a Chance” means give them (and only them, individually) a chance to... I don't know. Do something. None of them have mentioned wanting the Divas Title or even wanting to be a good wrestler, so it's pretty meaningless. It doesn't help that WWE continues to push Total Divas, its stupid reality TV show that we're supposed to believe contributes to their feuds in the ring, over their actual in-ring product.

That said: if WWE is serious about giving divas a chance—and given the volume of the tweets, you'd think they'd have to at least pretend for WrestleMania—then these four should be able to do something decent. It's arguable whether Nikki deserves the Divas Championship, but AJ and Paige are both excellent wrestlers. Brie has her moments, generally based on her playing partner; Brie has shown inconsistent flashes of being solid in the ring, and her best matches generally have come against AJ. Nikki is far more inconsistent; she has the right look and attitude for a “sports entertainer,” and if she's on, she's really on and can hold her own against just about anyone. But if she's off, if her chemistry doesn't mesh well with her opponent, then it's going to be pretty stilted and ugly. Unless there's something we haven't seen yet, Nikki should probably be hidden as Brie does most of the work. AJ and Paige can make them look good, and the match can be better than serviceable, but only barely. It's no reflection on any of the women's actual abilities; just on the way they're booked.

My prediction: I find it annoying that the Divas Title isn't on the line at WrestleMania. Of course, I'm annoyed it's called the Divas Title at all; AJ recently called it the “Women's Championship” on Twitter, which was definitely a statement of what it should be, although WWE is unlikely going to make the switch to make the title prestigious again. Then again, maybe it's better for the legacy of the Women's Championship not to be involved in the current direction of the women's division. If WWE ever wants to get away from reality TV shows and get back to the roots of actual women's wrestling, then the Women's Championship can be reintroduced.

I digress. I do predict WWE will let these four have an actual match. The voices were too loud and too numerous to be ignored, and WrestleMania gives them the “excuse” to let the divas do their thing. But like I said, I have no optimism that the hashtag campaign—or frankly, anything the fans say or do until they start refusing to buy tickets—will lead to any long-term changes. So while this match will likely be pretty good, it won't be able to overshadow anything else on the card, especially since the title isn't on the line. We'll probably be back to 30-second worthless matches the next week.

As far as the match itself, if AJ and Paige had been together like this for a while, then one of them turning would be the right play. They could feud to see who gets the right to take a crack at Nikki, and then WWE could get the title off her. But since AJ just reappeared a month ago, I don't think they'd go that way: the faces win to pop the crowd, and it'll give them a claim for the title. You could still have AJ and Paige lightly feud with each other as they argue about who did the most work in the match or something, and/or the Bellas can continue their childish stupidity, eventually to set up a three-way match for the title, maybe at SummerSlam or sooner. And that match will likely go over pretty well, assuming WWE doesn't focus on a different hashtag campaign beforehand.

Prediction History & Summary

• Roman Reigns leaves WrestleMania without the title (regardless of specific match finish)

• Sting defeats Triple H

• Undertaker defeats Bray Wyatt

• John Cena defeats Rusev

• Dolph Ziggler wins the seven-way Ladder Match

• Seth Rollins defeats Randy Orton

• AJ & Paige defeat the Bella Twins

Final Thoughts

This doesn't cover any pre-show stuff, including the Tag Title Match and the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, which I'm not touching this year. Last year I called Dolph Ziggler to win it for some reason, but honestly, they can go so many directions with it that calling it is next to impossible.

It's unlikely that these will be the only seven matches on the main card. [Ed. Note: even with 4 hours, 7 or 8 matches has been about the norm anymore. Extended entrances, nonstop video packages for the uninitaied viewers, and other mainstream fluffery eat up a lot of time. The only thing I'd hold out hope for is something like last year's surprise Rock/Austin/Hogan 20 minute promo. Some kind of skit like that, an easter egg for THE ACTUAL WRESTLING FANS instead of for the crossover viewers who only watch wrestling once a year, is something I could get behind.] The hashtag campaign aside, it's doubtful that the divas will get a full 10- to 15-minute match, so they'll probably need to shoehorn one more match in there that I don't have listed. I may even know what that match is at the time you're reading this, but hey: publication deadlines are a thing.

I'm not feeling the sizzle for this year's WrestleMania as I have in the past few years, even as a mark. I couldn't tell you how much of it is due to the platter WWE is serving us, or for other more personal issues that are affecting my mood in literally every aspect of my life. What I can tell you is that I'm off work for three days following WrestleMania, and I think a little (or a lot) of alcohol will be in my future. My roommate and one (possibly two) of my oldest friends will be there as well, so it should be a good night, but not necessarily because of the wrestling show. For me this year, WrestleMania is a catalyst, rather than the objective, though I'll try to have fun with it.

Really, if the ladder match is worth the price of admission—which, thanks to the WWE Network, is only ten bucks—then I'll be happy regardless of everything else. I'll mark out for Bray/Taker, and this will literally be the first match I've ever seen Sting in since I've never seen a WCW pay-per-view or a full episode of Nitro, so that'll be a treat. Usually I try to spend my final week heading into WrestleMania in a wrestling fandom frame of mind, perusing classic matches and events online to get myself hyped, but this year... I'm just not feeling it. Maybe I'll check out a classic Sting match or something, I don't know.

Regardless of my feelings though, you should check it out. Drop the money on WWE Network, enjoy wrestling, and come back to Online Onslaught Sunday night just after the show for Rick's ever-awesome recap and analysis on the event. The post-WrestleMania RAW crowd is always raucous too, and you can see Rick's recap of the fallout of WrestleMania the next night as well. While you're at it, consider kicking the site a couple of bucks, since these columns are pretty much the reason I get up in the morning. We'd appreciate it.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, no matter how everything turns out. Remember how much I appreciate it: I'll never take you for granted, no matter what decisions I'm going to have to make soon. Until I see you again, I'm Jon “PyroFalkon” Michael: Stay safe, know that I care about you even if I don't personally know you, and I hope you have a fun weekend.