Segment 1: Cold-open to the backstage as a bunch of tag teams are arguing. Kane shushes them to explain that tonight, we're going to have a “Tag Team Turmoil” match. It's essentially a gauntlet of tag teams: the match starts with two teams, and the winner faces another, and the winner of that faces another, and so on. Kane assures us that this is so totally the luck of the draw... except Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan is the first team up. 
   

Then we get the opening. Huh. We haven't had one of these pre-signature segments in a while, because this is the shit I notice.

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Bray Wyatt defeats R-Truth by pin. Bray with all the offense to start, mostly punchy-kicky roughneck. Truth got a little breath after he blocked an Irish Whip and did several pelvis thrusts in Bray's direction, upsetting the Eater of Worlds enough to charge Truth... but Truth dropped and took the top rope with him, making Bray throw himself out of the ring.

Still, Truth couldn't do anything with the momentum, especially when Bray floored Truth on the apron. Bray dragged him over to the corner ring post, positioned his head next to it, then punched Truth in the temple... while his head was wedged against the post. Jesus.

The fight went back inside, where Bray did an ever-popular nerve hold. Truth powered out, then reversed a back body drop into a sunset flip. Bray blocked that and tried a hip drop, but Truth slipped out and maintained his offense with a couple counter-elbows. He even hit the Flying Burrito (whatever the hell he calls it), but only got a a two for his trouble.

From there, Truth tried his axe kick, but whiffed. When he tried a secondary move instead, Bray beheaded him with a clothesline, then did his crab walk across the ring. One Sister Abigail later, it was over.

Pre-Segment 3: The Bella Twins are at ringside for commentary for the next match. Pretend you're intrigued!

Segment 3 [Singles Match]: Paige defeats Summer Rae by submission. Minor chain wrestling to start, and it's not bad. It concludes with a Paige-given “missionary pin” attempt, which makes me incredibly happy. Paige goes kicky-kicky from there and maintains offense, but is too concerned with talking shit to the Bellas to concentrate, and she takes a spinning back kick from Summer.

Summer then shows she's actually ring capable as she slaps on a modified Figure Four, then makes it worse by actually leaning up and applying the leg lock while also driving her foot into Paige's jaw. Jesus, that's sick. Paige is able to reverse it into a school girl; she only gets a two, but it breaks the hold.

Paige gets to her feet and goes on a rally with short-arm clotheslines and side kicks, to basically zero crowd noise. Paige never loses momentum and applies the PTO. Summer's arms are in a pretzel, so she verbally submits.

The Bellas meanwhile tried to retcon their entire story by saying they weren't being mean or bullies to Paige, it was just “girls having fun, because that's what girls do,” which somehow seems even more sexist, insulting, and stupid. But I already blathered as much as I want to last week, and I won't revisit it. But it's stupid as fuck, trust me.

After the match, they stand up from the table and preen, but don't do anything. Also, WWE doesn't bother with replays or even any information about the match itself, because fuck the women's division, I guess. I hate WWE sometimes.

Pre-Segment 4: Adam Rose decided not to try the trust fall with the Rose Buds after last week's incident.

Segment 4 [Singles Match]: Fandango (w/ Rosa Mendes) defeats Adam Rose (w/ Rose Buds) by pin. Rose started the match by exiting the ring and bitching out the Rose Buds for no reason. Fandango took advantage by pulling him back in by his hair, but Rose got the advantage immediately with kicky-kicky offense. Then he hit a snap suplex, which just might be his first actual wrestling move I've seen since he's been on weekly TV.

From there, he slapped on a rest hold, because we've been moving for twenty seconds and need a break. Fandango powered out with a back suplex, then went on a rally with punchy-punchy offense. Rose kicked as a counter to a back body drop, but Fandango put him down with a power slam. As Rosa looked on, Fandango hit his Last Dane to put Rose down for good for the second straight week.

As Rosa did her hip-popping dance in the ring (and Fandango stole a kiss, the lucky bastard), Rose decided to be pissy and shove away all his Rose Buds who try to help him up. Then he storms up the ramp, leaving the Rose Buds behind as they shout their sympathies.

Segment 5: RAW recap, and OO doesn't recap recaps.

Segment 6 [Tag Team Turmoil]: Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns extend-squash The Miz & Damien Mizdow by pin. DB and Miz to start with standard feeling out, and DB gets the advantage. Reigns seems idly amused, and DB slaps him in the arm to tag him in. Reigns punched Miz a few times, then tagged DB back in by giving him a brotherly pat on the shoulder. Somehow, that pissed off DB further.

Miz tagged in Mizdow, but DB maintained the offense. Mizdow got one move offense as he whipped DB to the heels' corner, but Miz tagged himself in as he wanted to maintain offense. But DB dodged Miz's single attack, then took down Miz. Then Reigns tagged himself in again, signaled the Superman Punch in DB's direction, then blasted Miz in the face. But then DB tagged himself in again, hit Miz with the Flying Knee, then pinned Miz while staring daggers at Reigns. Ha! Reigns looks amused still.

...And then the Usos hit the ring. Uh oh. We'll see how that shakes out after ads.

Segment 6.1: Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns defeat The Usos by submission. DB and Jey to start with some feeling out and a couple exchanges of near-falls. DB used some nice arm locks, which isn't something you see the Usos suffer very often. Jey resisted just long enough for Jimmy to tag himself in, and the Usos hit DB with a double elbow. DB rolled away from the follow-up.

Then DB and Reigns glared at each other, and they brought up that Reigns is the cousin of the Usos. DB went ahead and tagged, and everyone involved had their Serious Faces on.

Reigns took Jimmy down quickly with a clothesline, then they milked glares for a moment. Jimmy tagged out to Jey, but Reigns won that exchange too, so the Usos chatted strategy for a few seconds. When they locked up again, Reigns reversed an Irish Whip. Jimmy blind-tagged himself in (as they did against DB), then countered something into a double elbow, then sent Reigns over the south rope with a double clothesline. The crowd at this point is on board with basically everything that is happening, regardless of who's on offense. I dig it, though the match's pace is crazy slow.

Reigns takes a moment to collect himself outside the ring. Both Usos stand in the ring, with one keeping an eye on DB to make sure he doesn't stray from his corner. DB doesn't care; he just verbally invites Reigns to get back into the ring. Heh. Once Reigns gets back in the ring, DB offers a tag, and Reigns grudgingly accepts to bring him in.

It's DB and Jimmy from there, and DB is able to apply a neat leg lock to Jimmy within seconds. DB maintains offense, which seems to make Reigns's ire grow by the second. DB flips a switch and goes for his “Daniel Smash!” routine with Yes Kicks and other rapid strikes, which brings the crowd into it. His exclamation point is a full-speed low dropkick to Jimmy's knee. He allows Jimmy to get to his feet though, and when he slaps Jimmy, Jimmy uses the recoil to bounce of the ropes and answer with a punch. He drives DB into the Usos' corner, makes the tag, and Jey puts DB down with power offense.

The Usos run the de facto heel beatdown with rapid tags and cutting the ring in half. However, DB bails from the ring before he can suffer too much damage, though Reigns decides to be a butt by using broad gesturing to invite DB to stop being a pussy, and we go to ads.

Back, and Reigns has full control of Jimmy, but DB tags himself in presently. Reigns looks bored, but DB continues the offense without much trouble... until the Usos manage a tag, at which point DB suffers the running hip bump to the face, and “heel” beatdown is back on. DB reverses it when he does his signature corner backflip counter to an Irish Whip. Then he wrenches Jimmy's arm, and he and Reigns look at each other for a moment... then mutually tag with teamwork. Yay!

Reigns attacks with a rest hold, keeping Jimmy down. When Jimmy powers out, Reigns puts him down with a clothesline, then tags DB back in. DB whiffs on a running kick though, and he crashes into the corner. The Usos tag, but Jey whiffs his charge and smashes his shoulder into the post. When Jimmy goes to check on him, DB hits a baseball slide, then starts shit-kicking Jey in the barricade. Reigns doesn't like seeing that kind of aggression against his cousins, so he runs over to pull DB off. DB and Reigns then get in each other's faces. The commentators stay quiet as the camera mics pick up their conversation: Reigns points out that they can't win out of the ring, but DB says that this is his style and Reigns shouldn't interfere. They glare at each other as we go to ads again.

Back, and DB has the Jey controlled. Meanwhile, Reign's face is telling the story better than anything else: he looks concerned and a little disconnected from the match, even as DB executes a near-fall. DB requests a tag despite having control, but Reigns politely declines. He doesn't need to speak: his expression speaks enough that he doesn't feel like piling on the pain to his cousin. Wow... WWE doesn't normally enjoy doing subtle anything. Props to Reigns.

Anyway, DB isn't concerned, and just continues attacking Jey. DB continues with arm locks, and Jey screams in pain as he resists. Reigns looks unhappy and a little conflicted, but doesn't say or do anything. DB releases the hold long enough to deliver a few strikes, then goes back to the arm. But Jey isn't having that, and manages a Samoan Drop. Jey manages a hot tag, and Jimmy goes house of fire on DB. DB dodges a charge but Jey blind-tags back in and hits a top rope cross body. He makes the pin and gets a two, but Reigns comes into the ring and pulls Jey off DB.

Jimmy enters the ring and is all “What the hell?,” and Reigns is all “I'm trying to win, you know.” So Jimmy cheap-slaps Reigns, and even manages to hit a side kick. But he whiffs on the running hip check, and DB takes advantage with a front dropkick to Jimmy. When Jimmy face-flops onto the bottom rope, Reigns—who slid out of the ring to avoid the hip check—delivers his trademark running front dropkick to the apron, delivering the shot to Jimmy's temple. Jey then comes out of nowhere over the south rope in a suicide cross body to take down Reigns. DB decides there isn't enough jumping around and hits a suicide dive through the ropes into Jey. These four guys must be awesome share a bouncy castle with.

All four guys are down and considering their poor life choices. Jimmy gets to his feet first in the ring, then decides a suicide dive would be another good idea. But then suddenly Roman Reigns appears out of nowhere and delivers a Superman Punch. But then Jey is there to superkick Reigns. Then DB is there to try a top rope axe handle to Jey. Then Jey counters with a midair side kick. Then Jey tries a top rope splash, but DB blocks it with his knees and transitions it to the Yes Lock. Jey resists, but has to tap. Holy shit, that entire match was worthy of a co-main event on a pay-per-view.

Even better, we get some more good storytelling. The bell doesn't ring, since although Jey tapped, the match isn't technically over; this is still Tag Team Turmoil after all. Because the bell doesn't ring, DB keeps the hold applied until Reigns comes over and pulls him off. They naturally argue; Reigns is all “You didn't have to hold the hold that long since he was obviously tapping,” and DB is all “I didn't know he was tapping, calm your man-tits.” But we go to ads before we know who's coming out next.

Segment 6.2: Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns extend-squash Los Matadores (w/ El Torito) by submission. DB and Reigns continue to argue as we come back from ads (or more accurately, they didn't “cut” anything for the commercial break), but they stop and rest as Los Matadores make their way to the ring. Diego starts and gets in a little offense, but it doesn't take DB long to get control of the situation, including applying a surfboard, a move that always makes my knees hurt when I watch it. Then DB makes it worse by doing that one move that basically modifies the surfboard into a partial dragon sleeper, though Diege is able to fight out of it as a result. Diego goes to the top rope to capitalize on his success, but DB catches him and hits a double underhook superplex. DB then rolls through it and slaps on the Yes Lock. Holy crap! Diego taps.

No breaks this time...

Segment 6.3: Roman Reigns & Daniel Bryan squash Slater Gator by pin. Reigns tags himself in and argues with DB lightly. Then Slater comes running in, and Reigns hits a stiff uppercut to him out of nowhere. O'Neil thinks about getting in the ring, so Reigns forearms him off the apron, then hits the Samoan Drop on Slater. Reigns signals for the Superman Punch, and O'Neil gets in the ring, so naturally it's he who is hit with it. Then Reigns Spears Slater in half for good measure, and makes the pin while glaring at DB.

Another ad break as Reigns and DB talk shit to each other.

Segment 6.4: Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns defeat The Ascension by disqualification. DB starts with Viktor, and DB quickly gets taken down thanks to some cheap double-team tactics. DB winds up flying over the east rope, and both members of the Ascension pound on him. Reigns isn't having that shit, and he runs around the ring to make a save. Though he manages a couple punches on Konnor, Viktor takes the opportunity to dump DB over the barricade into the timekeeper's area, then returns to help Konnor double-team with punches to Reigns.

It works surprisingly well, and despite Reigns's efforts to fight out, the double beatdown works. They even fling him over the commentators' table. DB arrives then, but he doesn't get further, and the Ascension even double-team throw him face-first into the ring post. Soon Reigns suffers the same fate, and the ref's blathering doesn't get anywhere.

Back in the ring, the Ascension hit DB with the Fall of Man. The ref tells them that they're disqualified; they don't care, and they exist the ring just to fling Reigns back into it. They set up the Fall of Man, but more refs arrive to restore order.

And then Big Show heads down the ramp with Kane. Uh oh. More ads, though.

Segment 6.5: Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns defeat Big Show & Kane by pin, and win Tag Team Turmoil. Reigns starts with Kane, and Reigns definitely looks the worse for wear. Kane takes control immediately with punchy-kicky offense, soon follow by neck holds. Reigns manages to counter an Irish Whip into a jumping lariat, giving him the breath he needs to tag in DB. DB delivers a few Yes Kicks but can't keep it up, and Kane takes him down with a big boot. Then he tags in Big Show, and the heel beatdown is on for real.

Big Show gets a little too arrogant though, and suffers a desperation DDT that he oversells. DB teases a hot tag there, but Show recovers enough to hit a splash onto DB's back. Yeesh. More heel beatdown. However, Show takes a little too long, even as Kane screams at him to just finish DB. Show replies “I'm having fun!,” even as he starts to climb the ropes. Kane isn't having this nonsense, so he tags himself in... and immediately walks into a Yes Lock. Kane almost taps, but Show reenters the ring to kick DB in the face.

Reigns enters the ring to protest, which distracts the ref, allowing Show to sort of pull DB toward the heels' corner. Kane tags out, Show punches Reigns off the apron, then calls for the chokeslam. But when he goes for it, DB applies the Yes Lock... and this time it's Kane who breaks it by kicking DB in the head.

Kane and Show bitch at each other again... which results in Show hitting him with the knockout punch. Show turns around eats a Spear, but the ref didn't see it since he was concerned with Kane's carcass. The ref pays attention again in time to see DB hit Show with the flying knee, and he makes the pin from there.

Excellent story: The Authority are the ones who couldn't quite get on the same page, whereas DB and Reigns dealt with their issues and managed to overcome the gauntlet. Good stuff. The final shot shows both guys leaning on the east ropes as they alternate their glances between the WrestleMania sign and each other. Finally, Reigns gives DB a brotherly pat on the shoulder and is the first to turn away, and DB remains all smiles as he looks at the sign.

Final Thoughts: I know Reigns isn't ready to be at the top of the card, especially at WrestleMania. I know WWE has done a piss-poor job at building his character. I know Reigns comes across as a douche in interviews. And I know I'll get a lot of flack for saying this, but I still want him to succeed, and while it may be early, I consider myself a fan of his.

He said in an interview recently that he's “just a guy who's getting rich,” and he kinda comes across as a dick, especially with the “You've never wrestled so you have no right to critique me ever” line, which is bullshit. But at least with his performance with DB against the Usos, he can show some in-match psychology regardless of his ability (or lack of it) to cut a promo, and he can hold up his end of a match, especially in tag form. You can say all you want that he's just not deserving of his current spot, and I will agree with you all the way. But Reigns seems to be trying to make the most of it, and when he's got a good partner to work with, he plays his role well enough.

I don't know. You all know me through these columns and I hope that the one thing that I can get across to you all is that I am only very rarely an extremist in any view. Maybe that makes me weak or whatever, but just as much as I'm not on board with Reigns in the WrestleMania main event, I'm also not on board with the idea that he needs to be relegated to the D-list or back to NXT or something. He's solid enough, and I'd buy him on a co-main event with the right setup and partner. Main event, no; co-main with conditions, yes. If anything, tonight's sequence shows he's right at home in a tag team, if nothing else. Again, just to cover my ass, note that I'm not anywhere near to pitching him to be put over Daniel Bryan, or even Dolph Ziggler at this point. I'm just not sure that any dislike for the guy is correctly placed; if you want to be upset, be upset at WWE's ill-timed push, not Roman Reigns for trying to make the most of it.

Feel free to “educate” me in all the ways I'm wrong. You know my e-mail address, and no, that's not a fake link.

Regardless of that, tonight's five-part main event was awesome. We bitch sometimes about not getting enough wrestling in the “professional wrestling” part of the show, but holy crap, WWE delivered. It was a good solid hour probably (including breaks) of what was technically the same match. Granted, the outcome was logical and probably the only real play they could make, but it was a fun ride, and the Usos' part of it was absolutely amazing. Their sequence won't be in discussion for Match of the Year or anything, but perhaps Match of the Month ignoring pay-per-views. You'll definitely want to check it out, both for the action and the storytelling from start to finish. [Ed. Note: tonight's main event was 1:05:00 from bell ringing to fade out. And no, it won't be Match of the Year, because it was really 5 matches, with no build up. But I'm proud that that match happened in Dayton, and will continue Daniel Bryan's mission to make SD "his" show. He told management that he'd love to be The Guy, but if they don't trust him, he'll take SmackDown, and he'll bust his ass to make it a big show, again, now that it's back on Thursdays. I also loved how the match made Reigns and Bryan equally gray, because I, too, do not wish Reigns any specific ill will, so I think this face/face feud might help him, but only if Bryan's not scooping his heat at every turn.]

I don't have any more to say. Thanks for reading, everyone, and I'll see you next week for another recap.

Episode Grade: B+