Segment 1: Seth Rollins hits the ring with J&J Security to start the show. After absorbing some negative chants, he talks about how super-happy he is after seeing John Cena get metaphorically spanked after Monday. Seth is proud of himself for manipulating Cena into bringing back The Authority, and further proud to see three of Cena's allies fired. Seth blathers from there as he puts over himself and The Authority, then calls for a ten-second mourning silence for the deaths of the mediocre careers of Erick Rowan, Dolph Ziggler, and Ryback. He even goes so far as to order the timekeeper to toll the bell ten times, an especially dickish move.

Except he's interrupted by Roman Reigns, who enters through the crowd. He's shed his tactical vest for a simple T-shirt, and he gets in the ring with a mic. Reigns goes for alliteration, which is no-shit my favorite literary trick, as he calls Rollins a “sniveling little suck-up sell-out fool of suffering succotash, son,” only half of which made any sense, though Reigns winks at the hard camera as if he was super-clever. Hey, I didn't say it was good alliteration.

Then Reigns punches Rollins in the face unprovoked. He cleans house as Rollins screams and flails his arms as J&J drag him away from the ring.

That... was a lame opening segment.

Oh wait, it's not done yet. Kane and Big Show pop out, the former to announcing that Reigns faces Rollins and Big Show tonight. Of course, Reigns is free to find a tag partner if he wants, but if he does, the partner will fall out of favor with The Authority.

Big Show then takes the mic to insist that he'll knock out Reigns tonight, and Reigns's theoretical partner, and each member of the audience for that matter.

Segment 2: After ads, Kane is in the back when The Miz and Damien Mizdow arrive to chat. Miz implies that he should totally have the spotlight, just as The Authority deserves too. Mizdow accidentally splashes Kane with water, which makes him reject Miz's proposal for a straight tag team match against the Usos instead of the scheduled triple threat tag match, whenever the hell that's going to happen. Royal Rumble? Tonight? I don't know.

Segment 3 [Singles Match]: Big E (w/ New Day) defeats Adam Rose (w/ Tyson Kidd & Cesaro) by pin. Subpar match, pretty much an extended squash, I guess. It pretended it was competitive, but let's not lie to ourselves.

E with the opening couple shots, then Rose goes on the heel beatdown and takes momentum even with a rest hold within thirty seconds. Oddly paced and rushed, and they're trying to paint Rose as E's equal, which no one seems to be buying. E powers out after a few seconds, goes house of fire, hits a running splash. He tries a Big Ending from there, but Rose slips out and hits a weak enziguri that E oversells. Rose follows up with a tornado DDT, but he can't close the deal and eats the Big Ending anyway.

Pre-Segment 4: The Ascension hit the ring to talk shit, which includes saying that the Road Warriors sucked, which pretty much solidifies them as heels if you had any doubt. I like it.

Segment 4 [Tag Match]: The Ascension squash Some Guy & Some Other Guy by pin. Old school, baby.

Segment 5: Byron Saxton interviews the Usos in the back, who say The Authority are totally unfair for firing Ziggler et al on Monday. It's also unfair that they have to defend their titles against two other teams—which means I guess that's happening tonight—but that they're totally ready and will win anyway.

Pre-Segment 6: Apparently on Monday, Alicia Fox beat up Naomi in the back to celebrate her (Alicia's) addition to the roster of that one reality show that we're not acknowledging. Also, Naomi looks way different, I guess because of her hair style, though I'm not completely sure. Anyway, Naomi is totally going to get “Uso-Crazy” on Alicia to take a page out of her husband's book.

Segment 6 [Singles Match]: Alicia Fox reverse-squashes Naomi by flash pin. Naomi put on a clinic of basically going house of fire for two solid minutes just to start the match and totally dominated Alicia. Then at the end, Fox dodged a corner charge and hit a sunset flip out of nowhere, then used the ropes as leverage to keep Naomi pinned with the ref none the wiser.

Segment 7: Triple H had a segment with Michael Cole, back to doing the weekly interviews for WWE.com apparently, as Trips put all the blame for the three firings on the guys themselves. Of course. Not really a value-added segment, this.

Segment 8: Bray Wyatt cuts a promo to-camera from a smoke-filled room as he says that he initially thought that Dean Ambrose was “different,” but he's just like all of us: an insect who tried to climb his way out of the jar. But now Ambrose knows that he can't outrun Fate, who is apparently a pretty girl with a sword. And Ambrose's fate was to be locked in the ambulance on Monday.

Bray's fate is different: his fate is to arrive at the Royal Rumble with 29 other men, and those 29 will fall. Run.

Segment 9 [Triple Threat Tag Match for the WWE Tag Team Titles]: The Usos pin Goldust & Stardust, outlasting The Miz & Damien Mizdow, and retain. Miz and Jey to start with feeling out. Goldust realizes what the rules of the match are and he keeps trying to tag himself in since neither he nor Stardust are legal, which is actually good strategy that I don't think has ever been seen in these matches. Anyway, the opening offense is open with some chain wrestling near-fall exchanges, though Jey gets the better of it. Jimmy tags in to help damage Miz's arm, can't close the deal, and then gets jawbreaker'ed.

Miz can't keep momentum, and Jimmy hits a few chops. When Miz finally breaks away, he mistakenly bounces off the east ropes, letting Stardust tag himself in. Miz protests but is escorted to his corner by the ref.

Stardust can't do much more against the Usos and falls to quick tags and the ring being cut in half. Stardust tags out but Goldust gets nowhere better, and soon both of them go flying over the west ropes. Miz tries to attack the Usos from behind, but they notice him and fling him out too. Then Mizdow enters the ring and exchanges glances at the Usos. Mizdow politely asks them to part a little, which they oblige, and Mizdow dutifully throws himself out through the ropes to a massive pop (although WWE seems to really be sweetening the sound tonight, so I'm putting much faith into crowd noise).

With all four heels down at west ringside, Jimmy stands on the middle rope with a wide stance and holds up the top rope. Jey bounces off the east ropes, then does a suicide dive through the ropes and through Jimmy's legs, shoulder-checking just everyone. Jey wants to duplicate it, but Stardust recovers enough to trip him up. Stardust hops on the apron, screams “Make a wish!,” then bounces off the ropes to go butt-first into Jimmy and Miz. Apparently, that's called the “Falling Star.” Mizdow got off easy, but Stardust just glares at him, so Mizdow sells the move that never hit him, and everyone (including Stardust) cheers. Heh.

But then Jimmy comes out of nowhere with a flying shoulder tackle against Stardust, then chucks him back inside the ring. Jimmy teases a top rope splash, but Goldust interrupts it, and Stardust gets him off by shoving him and crotching him on the top rope. He fails a pin attempt, but that entire first half was rapid-fire and fun to watch as they move to ads.

Back, and Jimmy hits Stardust with an enziguri to counter a kick catch, apparently. As Jimmy staggers around, Miz tags himself in and flings Jimmy out of the ring, then shoots the half. He only gets a two, and we settle down for an unusual heel vs. heel exchange.

It doesn't last long as Miz reluctantly tags in Mizdow, who goes house of fire. After the rally, Miz demands to be tagged back in, which makes Mizdow hesitate and get taken down by Stardust. Stardust then tags out, and Goldust starts the heel beatdown on Mizdow.

Stardust controls Mizdow, even as Miz begs for a tag. Not one to leave an opening, Stardust just straight punches Miz in the face sending him flying off the apron. But then Mizdow counters Stardust with a back body drop and defends himself against Goldust's illegal charge. Without any other choice, Mizdow hot tags Jimmy Uso.

Jimmy goes house of fire and keeps Stardust contained, but whiffs on the running hip check. Goldust tags in and tries a flash pin but fails, and follows up with his classed kneeling uppercut. But when he tries to follow up, the Usos nail him with a double superkick. Miz breaks up the pin attempt, and Mizdow flattens Jey (still illegal) with a Skull Crushing Finale, but Jimmy sends him flying.

Back to Jimmy and Goldust, who exchange blows. Stardust works with Goldust as they attempt to fling Jimmy from the ring, but it backfires as Goldust goes flying instead because of a reversal. Stardust hops off the apron to check on him, and Jimmy flies over the ropes with a suicide press. Jimmy flings Goldust back in and sets up for a top rope splash, then hits it clean. That's all she wrote, and that was one hell of an entertaining match.

Pre-Segment 10: Bad News Barrett hits the ring to put himself over, then invites Dolph Ziggler to hit the ring for his title rematch... then says, oh yeah, Dolph is fired, oops. Dick... but a hilarious one at that. Oh, and Barrett adds that he's going to be part of the Royal Rumble, so get excited.

Segment 10 [Singles Match]: Sin Cara defeats Bad News Barrett by pin. I had this match spoiled since I happened to glance at Twitter during the TV broadcast and wondered why the hell Sin Cara's name was trending, though that didn't really destroy my enjoyment of it.

Barrett beats the holy hell out of Cara with power and roughneck offense, settling into a rest hold after like thirty seconds. Cara gets a rally but that's cut short by the Winds of Change side slam. Pin attempt, only two. Barrett then tries the Wasteland, but Cara slides out of that. Barrett tries to chuck him from the ring, but Cara holds on to the apron. He knocks Barrett down with a kick, then heads up to the top rope. Senton Bomb, pin... and three!

It comes out of nowhere since Sin Cara has been a jobber, and the general consensus of Twitter was that Barrett's loss totally delegitimizes the Intercontinental Title. Since I'm not a goddamn wanker, I know that's stupid as hell, since one loss doesn't delegitimize anything, and in fact adds to the story a little.

Also adding to the story? Is Barrett beating the piss out of Cara after the match and concluding with the Bullhammer Elbow. So Cara may have the non-title win, but he gets flattened and Barrett still looks good. This doesn't damage Barrett's or the title's credibility in the slightest, since it's just an “any given Friday” type of situation. So what if Barrett loses a match; he still has the belt, he still left Cara laid out, and he looks every bit the heel he is. Good stuff to me... but I'm stupid and sometimes don't “get” why something is a bad idea. Rick's analysis is far better than mine.

Segment 11: We get a “previously recorded” series of one-sided interviews as Renee Young chatted with Ryback, Rowan, and Ziggler after RAW on Monday. They say how disappointed they are, and their acting abilities are good enough, but, as Rick said on Monday, firing storylines lose their punch after seeing so many of them over the years.

Pre-Segment 12: Dean Ambrose is Roman Reigns's surprise partner. If you didn't see this coming, you need to watch wrestling more.

He charges into the ring, and Seth enters the ring to meet him. Pier Four Brawl before the match even starts, and Show and Rollins are sent packing. Everyone screams at everyone, then things settle down, and the match starts proper.

Segment 12 [Tag Match]: Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose defeat Seth Rollins & Big Show (w/ J&J Security & Kane) by pin. Excellent match and worth YouTubing, but by no means a classic.

Ambrose and Rollins to start with Ambrose getting the early offense. A tag to Reigns, and the faces cut the ring in half. Big Show saves Rollins by pulling him out of the ring, and they catch their breaths again as we go to ads.

Back from break, and Big Show is legal and beating the hell out of Ambrose. Ambrose is slightly but properly overselling due since he's still sore from the Ambulance Match on Monday. Even better, we get a “during commercial” cutaway that shows that Show targeted the INJURED~! knee, which Ambrose drew from getting his knee smashed by a gurney in that aforementioned match.

Rollins and Show take turns with knee targeted offense, especially Rollins doing most of the work so he can continue his chickenshit heel tactics. When Show decides to tag in and try to do some damage, Ambrose nails him with some forearms, then slips out of an attempted chokeslam. Ambrose scrambles to a corner, and when Show charges, Ambrose kicks him in the face and follows up with a DDT.

Show is down for a bit, and both sides tag. Reigns goes house of fire to Rollins with a ton of energy, and he calls for the Superman Punch after a particularly strong clothesline. Kane tries to get involved, but Reigns uses Rollins as a battering ram as he flings him into Kane's gut to launch him off the apron.

Reigns follows up by blasting Rollins with a Superman Punch. J&J both get on the apron, and Reigns dispatches them with a single Superman Punch, which makes no sense, but whatever. Show then appears and hits a chokeslam on Reigns.

But Ambrose isn't done as he hits a missile dropkick off the top rope to send Show to the outside. Then he gets on the top rope and flies off with a flying elbow drop to take out all four heels who aren't Rollins.

Back in the ring, Rollins tries a Curb Stomp, but Reigns scouts and dodges it. Reigns responds with a Spear that cuts Rollins in half, and that's that. The faces quickly scramble up the ramp, with Reigns supporting Ambrose's weight to help him, as he's still selling that knee. Dirty looks abound, but nothing further happens.

Final Thoughts: It was pretty much a two-match card in terms of quality, and it's a shame the first good match didn't happen until the second half of the night. The divas match was decent too, though it was necessarily short given the story they were telling. Still... I would have preferred seeing something more, somewhere, but even the stories didn't advance much. Those two matches though... you may want to check them out.

Episode Grade: C+