So, without further ado, let us blather on. Given that this is likely the Thanksgiving special, there probably won't be too much important stuff going on. Let's blather...

Segment 1: The Miz and Damien Mizdow (it's going to take me a while to get used to typing “Mizdow,” which is why I haven't done it until now) are in the ring and introduce us to Big Show. He meanders down the ramp, allowing us to see the RAW recap of everything involved with Show.

Back to “live,” and the fans are chanting “You sold out!” Miz takes us back to second grade by raising his hand and, after a beat, telling all of us that “When my hand goes up, your mouths go shut.” Ha! He can only get away with that line once—it won't work as a catchphrase—but that's some of the realest cheap heat I think he can get.

Anyway, Miz conducts a MizTV interview, and Show pretty much hits the same notes he has before that he “turned” because he should have never joined Team Cena in the first place, since he's got to take care of his family.

Here's the thing: I respectfully disagree with our The Rick about the quality of Show's turn, but only because Show has already done this twice. I don't mean just the turn—he's done that dozens of times in his 20-year career I'm sure—but the way he turned. Just in the last few years, he's twice turned heel toward an authority figure because of his lack of money or “taking care of his family” or whatever. I mean, maybe I'm just a jerk because I have a longer memory than I “should,” but it's just too often for the same guy turning for the same reason. I have no problem with the turn itself in a vaccum; the fact that he opened the match by being a total face (by knocking out a heel), then only later turned by being a total heel (by knocking out a face) within the same match, was actually well-done and unique. I also like that Show is hitting the right notes with being a selfish douche, since that dovetails with his aggression to Mark Henry and John Cena without breaking consistency. But it's the specifics—“I need money,” “Who takes care of my family?,” “I'm the bread-winner and supporter”—that's old hat. Again, I'll give the mea culpa that maybe I'm just being too picky (I was even called “an ass” on Twitter tonight, and you know that if one person on Twitter says it, it must be true!), but I don't think I'm completely off-base here. I, uh, await an Ed. Note in rebuttal?

Anyway, Show wants to turn this on Erick Rowan. Rowan doesn't appear, but Daniel Bryan does! DB hits the ring but doesn't stand on ceremony long: DB is the general manager of SmackDown this week too! Tonight, we've got Ryback vs. Seth Rollins; Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Title; and—

...And Miz tells DB to leave, since he doesn't want DB stealing the spotlight. DB asides that Miz's spotlight is already being stolen by Mizdow, which gets a huge pop. DB goes on that on Monday, he told Rusev that if he didn't recite the Pledge of Allegiance, he would have to defend the US Title in a battle royal. And Rusev didn't, so it's going to be a 20-man battle royal for the US Title! Oh, and it's our opener. Huge pops! And Miz, Mizdow, and Show are three of the twenty!

And the fourth is Erick Rowan. Yay!

Also, a personal aside: I freaking Rowan's new music. It's got a Middle Eastern flavor in there with a sitar-sounding guitar [Ed. Note: if by "Middle East" you mean "deep woods of Appalachi" and by "sitar" you mean "banjo," I concur completely!], which is weird, but super cool. I need to get that song for my phone.

Segment 2 [20-Man Battle Royal for the United States Title]: Play-by-play breakdowns of battle royals are insane, so suffice to say that Big Show dominated and was responsible for most of the early “goodbye C-list” eliminations. Hell, the camera barely strayed from him, and everyone else just did random punches and stomps before falling down and rolling around under the ropes.

But... once Show and Rowan hooked up, they exchanged blows, and Rowan shoved Show to the ropes, then clotheslined him over. Whoa. Show bitched but hung around the foot of the ramp long enough to see Rowan eliminated by Rusev on the same side. I figured they would brawl a bit out there, but Rowan oversold the back of his head on the landing... or was legit hurt, I'm not sure. No crossed arms of doom from refs, so I guess he was fine, but that was a little unexpected.

Whatever... we go to break with that spot. Once we're back, everyone is beating the crap out of everyone without a clear dominator. Plenty of near-eliminations, nothing you haven't seen before, nor anything particularly interesting for a while. Goldust eliminates The Miz, so Mizdow eliminates himself with Stardust watching. Heh. Goldust and Stardust get tossed while watching Mizdow make a fool of himself, soon followed by the Usos.

We settle down to our final four: Cesaro, Rusev, Jack Swagger, and Tyson Kidd. They take a moment to absorb the fans' reactions, which also gives the commentators time to point out that four different nations are represented right now as they compete for the US Title. JBL quips, “Yeah, and Oklahoma, which is a different country too.” Heh, that was funnier than it should have been.

Everyone teamed up on Swagger, which didn't work out for them. Swagger flattened everyone but only closed the deal on Kidd, and Cesaro tried to toss Swagger in the process. Swagger defended himself, then Rusev got involved, and Cesaro tried tossing Rusev. Rusev went over but barely saved himself as only a single foot touched the ground. Cesaro tried to finish of Swagger, who was on the apron. Swagger back body dropped Cesaro over the ropes to eliminate him, but then Rusev superkicked Swagger off the apron.

Your winner, Rusev (w/ Lana) to retain. Fun match, though I doubted they would do a title change in this situation. I swear, sometimes I'm way too jaded for this, even though I marked out like a lunatic for Sting on Sunday.

Segment 3: Kane is still working a concession stand as he hocks T-shirts. Santino Marella arrives to buy one, but then Kane gets angry and Santino runs off. Cute cut scene, if pointless.

Speaking of cut scenes, the commentators try to reset the situation, but Bray Wyatt's Titontron interrupts them mid-sentence as he says “I'm here,” then they go to break. Neat: that's how you grab attention.

Segment 4: Back from break, and Bray makes his way down the ramp with the Fireflies out in full force. He grabs a mic and paces in the ring as he says that Dean Ambrose looked like an angel ascending to the heavens as he climbed the ladder at Survivor Series. It even made Wyatt smile, but he knows that Heaven doesn't have much of a place for people like them. They belong somewhere else. And as Wyatt lay buried under a million chairs and the pain became euphoric, Wyatt felt like he failed Ambrose.

Wyatt says that if Ambrose wants to wallow in self-pity, that's fine; but Wyatt molds all demons, and can even mold the demons of Ambrose's past. And what happens next—tables, ladders, and chairs—will change Ambrose. And afterward, Wyatt will smile, since at TLC, he will put Ambrose in the dirt where he belongs, with the rest of the insects. Follow the buzzards.

Damn fine promo as always littered with enough batshit insanity to be in Bray's idiom. I'm down.

Segment 5: Replay of the Big E “New Day” vignette, and the group debuts Monday. I think that the four weeks or whatever it's been has been a good length. Perfect number of weeks to drum up interest without overdoing it and making me irritated.

Pre-Segment 6: Nikki Bella hits the ring for a match, and Brie is in tow. Brie's “servitude” contract is officially up, so does this mean Brie is a heel by proxy now, since she's still hanging out with her clearly heel sister by choice?

Segment 6 [Singles Match]: Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella) defeats Emma by pin. The sound-sweetening was on full blast for this one, as the “fans” verbally and loudly reacted to every spot, but visually they seemed bored as hell and barely applauded when it was over. Guess which sense I'm favoring in that dichotomy.

The ladies exchanged some blows, but the spots didn't really segue into each other, and there was little psychology; no “story” was told between the ropes. The finish saw Nikki countering a charge with an elbow, then hitting the Rack Attack (Torture Rack Drop) for the pin. Meh.

Post-Segment 6: After the match, Nikki grabbed a mic and talked some shit about AJ, while Brie just stand there posing and smiling. The smiling was especially disconcerting.

Nikki dropped the mic, then AJ's music hit. AJ didn't bother with words: she just wore an intoxicating plain white tank top and jeans (which is probably tied with goth as my favorite girl's look), and she charged the ring with murder on the mind. Nikki pushed Brie into AJ while leaving, which was awfully heroic of her. Brie took a few punches but slipped out, and both Bellas taunted while they retreated up the ramp. AJ didn't pursue.

So... yes, Brie must be a heel by now, at least by proxy, especially if they didn't even bother mentioning that her service contract to Nikki is up.

Cut Scene: We get a silent cut scene to see that someone has destroyed Kane's concession booth, and Kane himself is nowhere to be found. Did someone attack him, or was it Kane having enough of this shit?

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: Ryback defeats Seth Rollins (w/ J&J Security) by disqualification. Basic exchanges to start with Ryback getting more power offense, while Rollins does slick escapes and headlocks. I may sound like a jerk here, and I don't mean to, but Ryback really did some work early with some modified chain wrestling. It wasn't exactly a technical masterpiece, but for Ryback, he didn't blow up despite constantly moving for a minute, and that's pretty good.

Rollins took a breath outside the ring, and once he got back in, he tried chopping his way to victory. Ryback no-sold it and chopped once of his own, putting Rollins down. He threw Rollins to the corner but whiffed on the charge and slammed his shoulder into the post, turning the tables.

Rollins went to work with punchy-kicky offense, thus starting the heel beatdown. Rollins hit Ryback from pretty much every angle possible, including a couple rope-assisted moves. Ryback caught him after one particular top rope try, and the fight spilled outside, where Rollins sent Ryback into the stairs thanks to distractions from Jaime Noble. We go to break as Ryback writhes in pain outside the ring.

Back, and Rollins is in control for a nanosecond as Ryback gets a breath. Ryback calls for the Meathook, but Rollins just rolls out of the ring. It doesn't help much since he just get suplexed back into it, but he didn't take the finisher. Ryback wanted to hit a powerbomb from there, but Rollins slipped out and hit his no-look enziguri followed by a super kick. Only got a two on the pin attempt.

Crazy spot followed as Ryback teased a move by putting Rollins on his shoulders and heading up to the middle rope. Thanks to the New Stooges, Rollins reversed it and slipped around to put Ryback into the powerbomb position. Shockingly, Rollins carried Ryback diagonally across the ring and nailed a powerbomb to the corner, which looks just weird given their respective body types. Really impressive, it has to be said.

Still, Ryback isn't one to be put down from that move, and after an exchange, Ryback back body dropped Rollins over the west ropes, splattering him onto the New Stooges. Ryback flung him back in and hit the Meathook Clothesline. He readied the Shellshock, but Kane came to the ring with a chair, drawing the DQ.

Post-Segment 7: Kane whiffed the chair shot and Ryback countered, then picked up the chair himself. However, he couldn't decide who to whack, and the hesitation cost him as Kane big booted Ryback's face off. Rollins picked up the chair but gave it to Kane, who smashed Ryback a half-dozen times with it. Kane's exclamation point was a chokeslam onto the chair.

Segment 8: Replay of the three-man New Day promo. See above comments for my editorializing. I love this bit though since Big E looks so uncomfortable with the dance that it's endearing.

Pre-Segment 9: Wait, the New Day thing is now? I thought it wasn't until Monday! Yay!

Or, uh, kinda yay. Their uniforms are straight out of the 80s era of wrestling, and I don't mean that as a compliment. I mean, it works I guess, and the color scheme is neat, but... good lord, the logo looks a little silly for the Modern Era. Eh, whatever. They're full of energy, the crowd (seemingly) buys it, and we're good to go.

Segment 9 [Six-Man Tag Match]: The New Day extend-squash Slater Gator & Curtis Axel by pin. Well, I didn't expect anything else as a “re-debut,” but the three worked very well together and amped up their moves a bit to further push individual roles, as Kofi had a bit more height to his flights and Big E put a little more stank on his power offense.

One notable gimmick they're doing is that Big E will whip out a handkerchief and wipe the sweat off his brow (and, later, Michael Cole's). The thing is, he keeps the handkerchief wedged between his singlet and under-boobs, so I'm fairly certain wiping it on some dude's face is actually counterproductive.

Segment 10: RAW rebound concerning The Authority and their ouster.

Segment 11: Renee Young interviews Daniel Bryan, who says he totally misses the WWE fans. Also, he has one last thing he wants to do before he turns power over... so he books Kane vs. Ryback in a chairs match for TLC.

Renee's final question for DB: “Will you be back soon?” DB looks down and shakes head sadly... then screamed “Yes!” with fingers. Yay!

Segment 12: Stardust talks some crazy bullshit about losing the Cosmic Key. Goldust agrees that their anger is cold, desperate, and black, like their insides. Stardust screams “Darkness” over and over, and the lights go out in their little room in the back. Stardust says they're now in a black hole and runs off. It would be weird if it just ended there, but Goldust adds “Darkness... falls on the New Day.”

Huh, okay, feud from the start. I'm happy, and curious who, if anyone, Gold & Stardust will add to their team to even the sides.

Pre-Segment 13: Ugh, I hate Luke Harper's entrance. I had to look up the word, but I have mild ommetaphobia. It's not socially damaging or anything, since I can maintain eye contact with anyone, but goddamn, I hate seeing close-ups of eyes. It's repulsing.

Segment 13 [Singles Match for the Intercontinental Title]: Dolph Ziggler defeats Luke Harper by countout, but Harper retains. Ziggler to open with speedy strikes, quick covers, and slippery counters. Harper gets dropkicked off the apron within thirty seconds and doesn't know where he is, which is a good time for ads.

Back, and Ziggy is still kicking ass with a top rope cross body, though he whiffs on a running cross body and kisses the turnbuckle at fifty miles per hour. The heel beatdown sequence starts then with Harper's usual roughneck offense. Dolph gets a break a couple minutes later when he counters a back body drop into a spike DDT, but a single side slam from Harper proves it's a false hope.

Harper wants to follow up with a powerbomb, but Dolph counters it with a face crusher followed by the Famous-Er. Pin attempt, but only two.

Harper takes offense with a big boot and even a sit down powerbomb, but Ziggler kicks out anyway. Ziggler rolls out of the ring, but Harper follows him out and flings him over the commentators' table. Harper manhandles Dolph some more, but Dolph superkicks him in the face. Dolph slides in the ring, but Harper can't beat it.

Post-Segment 13: Harper kicks a chair and JBL's hat, but then gets in the ring and bashes Dolph before retrieving his IC Title belt, which he then licks.

Harper reenters the ring and attempts to bash it into Dolph's face, but Dolph dodges it and hits the Zig Zag. Harper is left laid out as Dolph struggles to his feet.

Final Thoughts: I can't recall a year when WWE did absolutely nothing Thanksgiving-related for a late-November show, but here we are. I'm not disappointed, just... a little surprised.

I'm also surprised that tonight's episode was sustainable episodic TV. It didn't advance the plots much, which is a questionable decision given we have an upcoming pay-per-view with (now) only two matches in just a couple weeks. But I'll give WWE the benefit of the doubt since we all know they do their majority storytelling on Mondays, not Fridays. That said, tonight's episode still gave a re-debut, a couple new feuds, and a little whetting of the appetite for matchups already in play. Not bad.

I've got nothing more, and I need to try to get something accomplished in Dragon Age tonight so I can get my IGN assignment done with. Have a good weekend, everyone! And stay safe going home.

Episode Grade: B-