Segment 1: John Cena hits the ring for an uncommon SmackDown, and he opens with a few cheap pops as he recaps what happened on RAW. OO does not recap recaps.

Cena transitions to recapping his story about Brock Lesnar, how he got his ass beat at SummerSlam and needed his vengeance at Night of Champions. He was sure he had it until Seth Rollins arrived to interrupt the match and take away his moment.

Cena calls out Rollins to settle business, but Dean Ambrose comes out instead. Ambrose and Cena exchange words as they debate who Seth Rollins screwed over harder. Ambrose is a little more pushy, and Cena acts like he might throw a punch. However, Cena's cooler head prevails and points out that if they beat the crap out of each other, they'll be vulnerable when The Authority attacks them again. So Cena offers his hand for a truce.

Ambrose starts to go for it, but then The Authority (minus Triple H and Stephanie McMahon) appear on the Titantron. They talk some shit and then try some indirect hearsay as they remind Cena and Ambrose both insulted each other behind the other's back.

Cena and Ambrose don't react, but Kane says that we'll see whether they can actually get along, as they have another tag team match tonight: Cena & Ambrose vs. Kane & Randy Orton. Seth Rollins spends the entire time cradling his Money in the Bank briefcase without a reaction, until the end of the promo, when he starts “shaking with rage,” or possibly shivering because someone turned up the AC. Kind of hard to tell the difference.

Segment 2 [Tag Match]: Dolph Ziggler & Sheamus defeat Damien Sandow & The Miz by pin. Good match, but nothing noteworthy.

Pretty standard opening with Sheamus getting the majority of the offense. His punch line to take us to the break was to back body drop Miz out of the ring, throw Sandow after him, then fly off the top rope and take them both down with a double flying lariat. Crazy, coming from a guy Sheamus's size. That took us to the break.

Back, and Sheamus remains on offense until Miz catches him with his trademark backbreaker/reverse DDT combo. The heels took control from there, cutting the ring in half, you know the drill. It doesn't last more than a minute as Sheamus gets a breath with a running power clothesline to Miz. Double hot tags, Dolph beats the hell out of Sandow but can't close the deal, though he does hit his jumping spike DDT.

Pin attempt, but Miz breaks it up. Sheamus takes both himself and Miz out of the ring and continue brawling on the outside. However, Miz finds a chair and nails Sheamus in the gut with it. Meanwhile, Sandow rolls up Dolph and grabs the tights, but Dolph kicks out anyway. He hits the Zig Zag, then makes the pin.

After the match, Sheamus slid in the ring with the chair. Miz bailed, so Sheamus whacked Sandow with it while staring holes at Miz.

Segment 3: Bray Wyatt talks some crazy nonsense as he continues to reboot the scary.

Segment 4: So apparently there was an “international incident” because Big Show tore down the Russian flag on Monday, and it “forced” WWE to issue an apology to the Russian people. Is that actually a thing that happened, or is it another bit of kayfabe? 

Segment 5 [Singles Match]: Paige (w/ Alicia Fox) reverse-squashes Naomi by submission. We know we're in for something less than pleasant when they apply a rest hold within seven seconds, and no, that's not an exaggeration. Naomi powered out and went house of fire in another fifteen seconds, concluding with a sweet move that can only be described as headscissors to DDT.

Fox tried to help Paige out of the ring from there, so Naomi hit a suicide vault against Fox. But as Naomi got back in the ring, Paige caught her and applied the PTO.

After the match, AJ hit the ring. Paige bailed, so AJ just beat the tar out of Fox. Paige hid behind JBL and stole his hat too, to better help her disguise, I guess. It was adorable and the only thing that separated this one from another ho-hum divas segment.

Segment 6: Big Show hits the ring to address the whole Russian flag thing. It's some patriotic stuff in the guise of an apology, or vice versa, and it's weird. It doesn't seem fitting in professional wrestling.

Anyway, Show basically says that he's sorry because he considered it from the other point of view: how would he feel if someone pulled down the American flag in that situation?

He gets the apology off, but then Rusev interrupts him while waving the Russian flag. Lana is on his heels as they hit the ring; Lana looks like she's ready to kill. She rejects Show's apology and want a face-to-face apology from Show. Show assures them that while he is sorry to any Russian who was unintentionally disrespected, he disrespected Rusev and Lana specifically on purpose.

Rusev grabs Lana's mic and screams some anti-American sentiments, then starts beating the shit out of Show with the flag stick. Michael Cole correctly calls out the irony that Rusev is upset about Show pulling down the Russian flag, but now Rusev is using that same flag as a weapon. By calling it out, Cole effectively (if subtly) calls Rusev a moron who doesn't actually care about his own patriotism. Good call, though I wonder how many people will notice or care.

Anyway, Show isn't knocked out, and he starts to get up, so Rusev and Lana bail. Angry faces abound and Show takes off his suit jacket and shirt. Rusev has no interest in engaging, so he just waddles up the ramp while waving his flag some more.

Pre-Segment 7: “Slater Gator.” Heath Slater and Titus O'Neil team up together with Hornswoggle as their mascot dressed as a fuzzy alligator. When... when did this become a thing? And how fast can we make it go away?

I confess, to answer Rick's editor's note from last week, that I didn't pay as close attention to professional wrestling as I should have. That includes missing that Rosa Moment picture, which is now safely on 14 different hard drives, two of which are in my safe deposit box. Also, I would like to dedicate this line of a song to The Rick for his unwavering dedication in finding pictures of divas that really scallop my potatoes, if you know what I'm saying. Between the Rosa Moon and the Melina Split, I am one happy (if frustrated) Pyro.

Segment 7 [Tag Match]: The Usos reverse-squash Slater Gator (w/ Hornswoggle) by pin. Heath Slater had some offense, and then Adam Rose's bunny came down to dick with Hornswoggle. This distracted the heels, so the Usos superkicked their heads off. The bunny threw Hornswoggle into the ring, and everyone hit splashes off the top ropes to different targets. The Usos both pinned their respective heels; who knows who the legal men were by that point? And who really cares, because it was a “comedy” match?

After the match, Rose and his Rosebuds hit the ring and danced like idiots. Also, Adam Rose's beard looks silly on him.

Segment 8: Renee Young interviews Dean Ambrose in the back, who says that he enjoys embarrassing Seth Rollins since he (Rollins) is an egomaniac and can't deal with it. But, Ambrose says, all those fun shenanigans can't really erase the memory of the cinder block-assisted curb stomp. For that, Ambrose wants to beat the shit out of Rollins, and no one and nothing (including bunnies and gators) will stop him.

Pre-Segment 9: Apparently this next match is predicated on R-Truth calling Cesaro a “pompous nincompoop” in a WWE App-only segment, which they then replay now so those who don't have the app aren't totally confused. Good call, even though the insult had all the weight of a gnat.

Back live, Truth plays off his rather memorable mistake from a few years, as he's once again in Milwaukee, and he repeatedly asks the crowd where he is before hitting his catchphrase. Cute; if you can't laugh at yourself now and then, what's the point?

Segment 9 [Singles Match]: Cesaro defeats R-Truth by pin. Cesaro with power offense, Truth takes momentum with speed and goes house of fire but whiffs his finisher, Cesaro crotches him on the top rope and hits the Neutralizer. Done and done, and not overly entertaining, though it was well-worked. Not a bad match, just overly time-compressed and with little reason for existing.

Segment 10: Boobs are good, cancer is bad. Bob Uecker is in the front row to agree, apparently. Also agreeing is Hulk Hogan, retroactive to Monday anyway.

Segment 11 [Tag Match]: Dean Ambrose & John Cena defeat Randy Orton & Kane by disqualification. Above-average match. Not overly noteworthy, but it was well performed and was more about the story than the action.

Ambrose and Orton to start with Ambrose getting in most of the offense. A tag here and there to Cena, since we'll so totally never be bored of watching Cena and Orton beat the crap out of each other. (To be fair, none of the commentators brought up their “long, storied rivalry,” which was refreshing.) Orton got bored and tagged out to Kane, but Cena took him down easily enough and tagged out. Cena and Ambrose shared a double suplex with Kane, showing they can work together for the moment.

It's not long though before Kane beheads Ambrose with a clothesline, then tags out. Ambrose returns the favor to Orton, more tags, and Ambrose and Cena team together to wishbone Orton's legs. And then Cole mentions “the great rivalry over the years” between the two, which makes me sad.

Orton continues the offense with stompy-stompy, but Cena fights to his fee and hits an awkward belly-to-belly side suplex. Cena flings Orton out over the west ropes, sends Kane after him, tags in Ambrose, and Ambrose hits a suicide dive through the ropes. The faces are on the same page as we go to break.

Back, and Kane is dominating Ambrose with a side headlock. Ambrose gets a breath but Kane's big boot stops that, and the heel beatdown is on. This includes the fight spilling outside, and though Ambrose bounced Orton's head off the commentating table, Orton countered by whipping Ambrose into the steps before dragging his carcass back in the ring.

Orton can't close the deal and hit a missile dropkick. It was a hot tag tease, but Orton grabbed Ambrose's leg in a modified grapevine (more out of desperation than technique) and tagged in Kane, who cut the ring in half. More heel beatdown.

Ambrose fights out of a hold by biting Kane's hand, and he beheaded Kane with a jumping lariat. He also knocked Orton off the apron, and he crawled toward the faces' corner. He was a fingertip away, but then Seth Rollins arrived to the stage. Cena lost his mind, bailed from the match, and went after Rollins, who retreated through gorilla.

Ambrose looked on and struggled to his feet as Orton tagged in off-camera. Ambrose defended himself, but he couldn't deal with both guys at once. Hangman's DDT, ring hump. Orton whiffed on the RKO and nearly took a pin, but kicked out. Ambrose tried Dirty Deeds on Orton, but Orton shoved him off... directly into Kane's big boot. This, for some reason, draws the DQ.

Post-Segment 11: The heels stomp the shit out of Ambrose as Orton steals Cena's taunt for no apparent reason other than to be a jerk. Chokeslam by Kane, RKO by Orton, and Ambrose is left laid out.

And then Cena returns, but as he slides in the ring, Kane and Orton just bail. Cena looks sad and regretful, but I have a feeling that's not going to matter to Ambrose.

Just to rub salt in the wounds, as Kane and Orton head up the ramp, Rollins comes out of gorilla and joins them on the stage. They taunt Cena, verbally and physically, with everyone taking a turn with Cena's hand taunt. Cena looks to need a box of tissues for the tears he is about to shed.

Final Thoughts: Decent night, nothing special. There seemed to be a lot of fast-forward moments here though, and the undercard was critically underused, at least with anything meaningful. In a vacuum, I wouldn't have hated attending in person, but I'm not sure what this episode really did for the whole WWE ethos aside from the main event progress. Meh.

Nothing more to say that I didn't already, so I'm out. Hopefully I can bring the funny a bit better next week.

Episode Grade: C