OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
A Tale of Two Romans
September 20, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Well, kids.... today you're gonna have to work extra hard at that whole "Suspension of Disbelief" thingie.

Why? Because, while reliving what happened on SmackDown, you're going to have to accept the notion that Roman Reigns is in two places at once....

Specifically, you'll have to trust your eyes, and believe that -- here in our SmackDown Universe -- Roman Reigns was dominant in a main event match against Rusev. All while -- here in "real life" -- Roman Reigns is in the hospital after undergoing emergency surgery for a hernia.

This is according to WWE.com, who reported that Reigns went to the hospital in the wee small hours of the morning with abdominal discomfort, and was diagnosed with a significant hernia (part of his intenstines were leaking through a hole in his abdominal muscles) and underwent surgery on Saturday morning.

A Saturday afternoon update by WWE indicates all went well, and Reigns is looking at, at least, a 4 week lay-off before returning to physical activity (with 6 weeks or longer being possible). FWIW, one time a drummer in my band had this same basic problem... he didn't get the Emergency Surger, and enjoyed the few days between diagnosis and surgery when he could fart on command by poking at his intestine (because then, as now, I'm Beavis and enjoy the company of other Beavisses), but we couldn't play for about a month, so I definitely believe that 6 weeks or more might be accurate (wrestling's a bit more demanding than drumming).

Then again, if one wanted to be a stickler about accuracy, here's one thing that stuck out like a sore thumb in WWE.com's report:

"I was in contact with both Roman and the surgeon who performed the operation in Nashville today. Roman had developed acute abdominal pain in his hotel room last night after his match," Dr. Amann told WWE.com.

Ummm, so Roman Reigns didn't wrestle ANYWHERE "last night," except on TV, in our pretend SmackDown Universe (which was taped on Tuesday). WWE ran a single house show on Friday night, and Reigns wasn't on it. WWE adds a second B-show tonight (Saturday) and Reigns was advertised for it, but he last wrestled on Tuesday night.

So, what to make of that? More than likely, it's just an innocent slip of the tongue, or a case where WWE's trying to make a real life injury fit into storylines (that's happened before). But I guess what OO is saying is that OO is NOT trying to stir the pot, but OO would not blame anyone who couldn't help but start thinking about shenanigans, here.

I mean, if nothing else, it explains a few things. Like "Why did they do that Reigns/Rollins match on RAW?" Or "Aren't there too many matches scheduled for Night of Champions?" And if OO wanted to pull one out of its ass, you could also ask "Wouldn't an AMBROSE ALERT~! be the perfect way to put an end to Seth Rollins bragging about a forfeit win on Sunday night?"

I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

My money's still on the more innocent explanation, just because I try not to be That Guy (the cynical, jaded assface who's smarter than everybody else). But that said, a blatant lie in WWE.com's own reporting of the real surgery still jumps right out at you if you're even vaguely paying attention. That didn't require any particular level of smartness.

Regardless, now that you've got the scoop on what Reigns is doing in one universe, here's the story of what he was doing over in an alternate dimension:

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc., and we're Not Live in Bethlehem, PA, for our second straight SmackDown in the hinterlands of Pennsylvania. Tom Phillips, Cole, and JBL welcome us to the show, and inform us of a change of plans since Monday's announcement on RAW... the main event will no be Roman Reigns vs. Rusev. Should be a One!

JIMMY USO (w/ Jey) vs. STARDUST (w/ Goldust)

On Monday, they announced a 6-man tag main event, with Big Show and the Usos against the Wyatt Family. But here we are getting this singles match, instead. No complaints here: this is the far better way of shining a spotlight on the tag title match at NoC.

Ultra-time-compression in effect, as Jimmy pretty much goes immediately into Face in Peril Mode. That lasts for about 3 minutes, then Jimmy counters a corner charge by getting his boot up into Cody's face. A quick grapple, and Uso hits a flash Superkick.

Your Winner: Jimmy Uso, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. I was certainly expecting more that that, but oh well. It wasn't bad, just too short to amount to much of anything. Still, on the whole, it was also the right decision to split this off and keep some focus on the tag title feud (instead of doing the aforementioned six man).

After the Match: Goldust tried to sneak in and ruin Jimmy's celebration, but Jey hopped in the ring, and together they set Goldust on his ass after stereo superkicks.

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NoC Preshow: Christian returns, and will host "The Peep Show" with guest Chris Jericho. WWE is also hyping a match for the preshow, but hasn't settled on which one. With Reigns officially off the PPV, there's probably room for all 7 remaining matches on the PPV proper, so adding a new match for the preshow is likely (the two main undercard feuds right now are Rose vs. Slater Gator and Bo vs. Swagger).

DOLPH ZIGGLER & SHEAMUS (w/ R-Zig) vs. MIZ & CESARO (w/ Damien Mizdow)

The stunt doubles continue, and I approve. Ziggler opts to start, so of course, Miz must be the chickenshit, and insist that Cesaro start for the heels. Cesaro is only too happy to oblige.

After a quick start for Dolph, Cesaro takes over, and gets in on the Stunt Double Fun by imitating some of Ziggler's moves (including a hip swivel/elbow drop combo). Nice little hope spot for Dolph as he wormed out of a press slam attempt, but Cesaro's not about to put up with much of that happy crappy.

Once Cesaro is firmly in control, Miz finally offers to tag in. Ziggler again gets a quick hope spot on a flash roll-up, but Miz kicks out and starts stomping away at Ziggler, punishing him for his impudence. Builds up to a convincing near fall after his backbreaker/neckbreaker combo. Ziggler kicks out at 2, but is clearly on the defensive. Will he be able to recover? We'll find out after these....

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Back, and no, Miz has not been able to recover. Yet. Hooking corner clothesline by Miz, then he settles in for a chinlock. Ahh, yes, the chinlock; the bane of OO's existence. At least Miz tries to spruce it up a bit by clawing at Ziggler's nose and eyes. Nevertheless, Ziggler's able to power out of the chinlock, so Miz is motivated to turn things back over to Cesaro before Ziggler can make a full comeback.

With Cesaro in, he manages to retain control for about a minute before we do an awesome extended sequence of near-hot-tags. Ziggler repeatedly got just a tinch of separation, and Cesaro kept cutting him off at the last second. Finally, Cesaro goes for his big Elevation Uppercut, but after he hoists Ziggler into the air, Ziggler comes down and catches him with a wicked Implant DDT. Cesaro sold it old-schoo/Val-Venis style, too, which made it even more wicked.

Needless to say, Ziggler had enough time to make the hot tag. And Miz had no choice but to tag in on the corresponding move, and become Sheamus tackling dummy for a good 2 minute burst of offense, including the 10 of Clubs (modified to 15, because Everybody Hates Miz). But after an Irish Curse, Cesaro opts to come in and break up the fall, drawing Ziggler into things.

Chaos breaks loose, and although Ziggler and Cesaro eventually powder out, we still have the Stunt Doubles to deal with. Sandow tries his hand, first, but basically gets chucked off the apron by Sheamus. Miz uses the distraction to sneak up on Sheamus for a schoolboy... but Sheamus kicks out, just barely.

At this point, it's R-Zig's turn to get up on the apron and create a distraction. While the ref is arguing with Truth, Ziggler jumps back in the ring and hits a superkick on Miz. Out on his feet, Miz stumbles around and walks into a Brogue Kick. The ref's attention now turns back to the ring, and he counts three.

Your Winners: Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler, via pinfall, in 14 minutes or so. Really, really good match considering how completely linear and formulaic it was (just straight into Ziggler as Face in Peril, single Hot Tag and Fire sequence for Sheamus, leading to the finish)... a testament to how superlative these guys are on the performance side of things that they absolutely sold us (well, me) on a story I've seen told hundreds of times before.

After the Match: Cesaro had designs on spoiling the celebration, but Sheamus spotting him slinking into the ring, and basically put the US Title on the mat and said "I dare you to come take it." Cesaro did not dare. He put his tail between his legs and let the good guys celebrate, afterall.

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ADAM ROSE (w/ The Menagerie of Hipster Wangnozzles) vs. HHEATH SLATER (w/ Titus O'Neil)

We've seen this match about a half dozen times, now, and it was essentially the same thing, here. Slightly more competitive, as the story is that Slater's adapting to the chicanery... but the chicanery is adapting to the adaptations.

Ergo, after the longest match these two have had to date, Titus is finally able to successfully execute some interference on Slater's behalf. Titus exits the ring and turns to taunt the crowd, thinking the match is over.... but instead, Rose kicks out at 2 and 9/10ths, and the Bunny hops into the ring, hops over to Titus' side, and flies over with a text book plancha.

Slater is distracted by the sight of the Flying Bunny, and Rose hits him with the Party Foul for the victory.

Your Winner: Adam Rose, via pinfall, in about 5 minutes. Not bad, but still felt like kind of a long road to travel to get to another Bunny Trick. That said, it was the Bunny's best trick yet.

FYI: as I've said a few times already, I expect the Bunny to be revealed as Darren Young (whenever the time comes for the reveal), but it turns out that the person wearing the costume has been either Justin Gabriel or Sami Zayn, so far. By which I mean, it's been both of them at different times, underscoring the fact that it doesn't matter who's wearing the suit, it only matters who's wearing it the night the mask comes off.

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BIG SHOW & LOS MATADORES (w/ El Torito) vs. THE WYATT FAMILY

We actually get the ring entrances first, and then, with Harper and Rowan flanking Bray (in his rocking chair), they decide to shoot it to some ads before the match starts. Oh, and if you care, the good guys' entrance was kinda funny, as the Matadores did their usual schtick, but instead of Torito, it was Big Show who charged through their capes. Then Torito followed later. It made me smile, anyway.

Back to the point... with the oddly placed ad break, we actually end up joining this match in progress, with one of the Matadores firmly in control, and using various flashy/speedy moves to keep Harper and/or Rowan off kilter. It was oddly amusing, and not unconvincing (sort of like "The Princess Bride" where Westley is able to beat up Andre, just because Andre's character isn't used to fighting that style).

Then, after a couple minutes of that, Big Show tags in, and just when you think he's gonna go off, Rowan chop blocks him, and just like that, the Wyatts are back in their comfort zone, and begin to dominate.

For 4-5 minutes straight, Show is in trouble, as the Wyatts trade frequent tags and keep the ring cut in half. It's we well executed that JBL even likens it to how the Shield used to do it.

Finally, Bray's had enough of domination, so he goes for -- you guessed it -- the Chinlock. Seriously, how many times does a heel have to lose control of a match off a chinlock before they stop doing it? In this case, Show powers up and turns the chinlock into a backdrop suplex, allowing him to make the tag to the Other Matadore.

Of note, Bray does NOT make a tag here. Matadore #2 comes in and gets a few shots in, and then, as tends to happen, it broke down into a Pier Sixer.

Harper and Rowan get the better of Show and Matadore #1 during an outside of the ring brawl. Matadore #2 (the legal one) sees this, and takes them out with a beautiful 7-10 Split Plancha... problem is, while he was going so, Bray was getting his wits back about him.

Matadore #2 got back in the ring, and after a double-reversey spot, Wyatt hit the awesome coming-off-the-ropes running Sister Abigail. Fin.

Your Winners: The Wyatt Family, via pinfall, in 10 minutes. The oddly placed ad break meant delivering the meat of the match without interruption, and I definitely approve. Also, you don't see Show play Face In Peril, very often, so that was a nice change-up, too. All in all, a pleasant surprise, since one would expect a Matadores match to be more squashy. Instead, quite competitive before the inevitable Wyatts' win.

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PAIGE vs. NIKKI BELLA (Non-Title)

AJ is once again on commentary. And she's once again the star of the match. While we're getting a sort of "preview" of two-thirds of Sunday's Women's Title Match, AJ is just gold as she emphasizes two main points: "one of these things is not like the other" (subtle digs as Nikki being a reality TV lady and not a wrestler), and also how much she really, really wants to get her hands on Paige.

In fact, the specific way AJ drove this point home was delightful. To wit:

JBL: So, AJ, do you have a preference as to which of those two you want to pin on Sunday.

AJ: Well, Paige is the champion, so I'd prove a whole lot more by beating her. Plus, any excuse to get my hands on Paige, I'll take it.

JBL: So you're gonna try to pin Paige on Sunday.

AJ: Let's just say I can't wait to get Paige on her back. [Then, for no good reason, the camera lingers on AJ, who keeps it deadpan for about 4 seconds before shooting the camera a filthy "Yeah, you heard me right" look/smile.]

Thank you, AJ, for making it possible for me to truly enjoy a Nikki Bella match. I trust you have more ideas for how to do the same on Sunday, too!

Then Paige hit the Paige Turner (PAIGE TURNER PAIGE TURNER).

Your Winner: Paige, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. Story focused on how much AJ and Paige don't like each other, and how Nikki's kind of the forgotten woman in all this, which is probably the only way to make Nikki seems like a viable threat. So, uhhhh, I guess good on that?

After the Match: just to drive that point home, AJ grabbed Paige's title belt, and cradled it (like a baby), while Paige was all "Hey, that's mine, gimme here!" AJ finally seemed to relent, and held the belt out. Paige grabbed at it, but AJ would not let go. A quick tug of war developed... and then Nikki showed up out of nowhere and yanked the belt away from both of them. Then she blasted both of them with the belt, too, before briefly celebrating with it.

If you hadn't gotten the story yet, yout got it now: Paige and AJ are the deserving champ and challenger who hate each other to the point that they're forgetting about Nikki. And that just might benefit Nikki.

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JACK SWAGGER (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. "THE INSPIRATIONAL" BO DALLAS

More of an old school/feeling-out/back and forth openng bit of locks ups and breaks until Bo gets antsy and bitchslaps Swagger. Thus begins several rounds of cat and mouse, in which Bo runs away from an angry Swagger, only to have Swagger catch up with him, beat his ass, causing Bo to run away the next chance he gets.

Lather, rinse, repeat a few times.

On the fourth try, the ref stepped in to stop Swagger from beating on Bo while Bo was outside on the apron. Dallas took advantage, clotheslined Swagger's neck over the top rope, and then hopped in the ring and finished things off with the BoDog.

Your Winner: Bo Dallas, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. Kinda sad to see Swagger lose all the momentum he had in the feud against Rusev... I begin to think that WWE intended for Swagger to be pure cannon fodder in that feud, and Swagger got over entirely by accident, and now they don't really know how to follow up. But whatever, I'm not against Bo getting a push, either; I'm just kind of surprised that since these two started feuding, it's been so one sided.

After the Match: Bo tried to inspire Swagger, and in so doing, basically told him he had to dump Zeb as his manager, because Zeb was horrible on so many levels. In Zeb's place, he should accept Bo's advice and become a BOliever. Swagger responded to that by slowly regaining consciousness and booting Bo in the head.

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ROMAN REIGNS vs. RUSEV (w/ Lana)

As soon as the bell rings, each man tries to out-power the other... and can't. It's a standoff. So let the blows start raining down, as a slobberknocker breaks out!

It's a really good, quick, and intense brawl for the opening minutes, as the crowd buys into both guys being all big and strong. Every blow means something, and yet, no blows seem to be doing any damage. It's a good ol' fashioned Completely Unrealistic Hollywood Movie Fight (just like out of "They Live'), ad the crowd's loving it...

Reigns seems to nominally start getting the better of it, and all of a sudden Rusev comes back with his spinning back kick, which sends Reigns flying out of the ring. Break in the action means we break for...

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Back, and Rusev is in control. Specifically, he's got Reigns locked in OO's second least favorite hold (yes, even worse than the Chinlock)... it's a bearhug. And not a very good one; it's one where you can actuallys ee the daylight between Rusev and Reigns.

Needless to say, the pace has dropped off, and so has the crowd interest. They're pretty dead for this extended, methodical heel beatdown.

Reigns gets a hope spot here and there, but nothing too fancy or compelling. So the beatdown lumbers on for another 3-4 minutes or so before Reigns counters a whip and turns it into a flash Samoan Drop.

The comeback is on, and after a Running Aprong Dropkick Thingie, Reigns sets up for the Superman Punch.

And all of a sudden, here's Seth Rollins, with the MitB Briefcase. The distraction allows Rusev to catch Reigns and cinch in another bearhug. Rollins sees an opportunity, and figures he'll jump off the top rope with the briefcase, and slam it into Reigns' head.

But Reigns moves at the last second, and Rollins blasts Rusev with the case. The ref calls for the bell.

Your Winner: Rusev, via disqualification, in 10 minutes. Surprisingly promising in the opening minutes. But then, they regressed to the mean, and the second half really bogged down. Reigns comeback was all of 45 seconds before the run in and cheap finish, too, so it never ramped back up, really.

After the Match: Rusev was KO'd by the briefcase and the match was over, so Reigns focused his attention on Rollins. First, he tackled him over the announce table, and then they brawled out into the crowd. After a minute or so, cameras lost them as they brawled to the back.

In the ring, Rusev came to, and insisted on having his hand raised in victory... but Mark Henry wasn't gonna let him enjoy such a cheap win. Henry comes down to ringside, andthen gestures up above the ring.

And suddenly, an American Flag drops down from the ceilnig (where Rusev usually sotres his Russian Flag). Rusev and Lana are pissed, and a staredown ensues. Finally, Henry gets up on the apron, Rusev chages, and another brawl is on.

And almost as quickly as it starts, it ends with Henry no-sells a turnbuckle mount-and-punch, motivated by the power of "USA USA USA" chants, and instead snatches Rusev up for a World's Strongest Slam.

Henry celebrates to close out the show for the second time this week. But this time, it's a bit less jarringly underwhelming. Mostly because (a) it's the B-show, and having a mid-card storyline as the "main event" isn't THAT bad. But partly because (b) they were playing "Stars and Stripes Forever," and honestly, who doesn't love them some Souza?

Henry, Souza, and Ol' Glory. That's the scene as we fade to black...

And so ends the show. And it was the kind of show I'd be perfectly happy with WWE serving up on SmackDown most weeks. I mean, absolutely nothing important happened, which is the curse of them basically admitting SD is a B-show starting 9 or 10 years ago... but it was a very enjoyable nothing.

Per usual, when a show is fun to watch without making headlines, the reason why is quality bell-to-bell action... in this case, I'd make a case for the Ziggler/Sheamus/Miz/Cesaro tag match being borderline youtube-worthy, with the six-man just a notch below. Then the main event was OK (especially the strong start, then the extra-curriculars after the bell), Usos/Dusts was short-but-solid, and thanks to the Bunny and AJ, even two throwaway matches kept my interest. The stuff that was useless filler (of which there was quite a bit), well, that's why nobody watches SD until later, when they have full powers of FF.

Here at OO, we have a name for that: Sustainable Episodic TV. It's a show that served as little more than a bridge between live RAW and Sunday's live 999PV, but walking across said bridge was an enjoyable stroll.

For tonight, we'll hand out a grade of B. And we turn our attention to Night of Champions... I'll see you again on Sunday night (probably around 11:30pm, if I stick to my recent routine) with the recap of Lesnar/Cena and the rest of the big show.

Later on, kids...

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.