OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Orton Overload!
August 23, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

So today is the 6-month "anniversary" of my big ol' surgery, where my torso was flayed open, the undisputed apex of The Medical Unpleasantness...

As such, this past week featured a crapton of follow-up tests and appointments. And I am very, very happy to report that after all the CT scans and bloodwork and whatnot, I'm still cancer-free. VERY happy.

We'll check again in six more months, but it's looking like I may have escaped this thing with a mighty scare. And a 14" scar across my gut. I'll take it.

Between that and the Simpsons marathon on FXX hitting the Seasons 3 through 8 "sweet spot" (where every other episode is basically an unimpeachable classic) starting on Friday night and lasting till monday, this is shaping up to be one joyous weekend for Your Humble Webmaster.

But before I can go wallow in my own crapulance, it is my duty to embiggen you with a perfectly cromulent recap of what just happened on the Worst Episode Ever of SmackDown.

OK, it wasn't the worst. But it sure was heavy on the Orton. D'oh:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those with ADD: it's the movie-trailer style package from Monday, once again. And OO does not recap recaps of recaps.

RANDY ORTON vs. LIVE MICROPHONE

When we cut to the inside of the arena, Randy Orton is on his way to the ring, and we make a quick visit to the announce table, where Tom The New Guy From NXT is joining Cole and JBL. Cole says Tom is starting as SD's new official play-by-play guy tonight. So I guess I should stop pretending I don't know his name, and say "Welcome" to Tom Phillips.

Also, the fact that this would seem to be phasing Cole out of PBP duties on SmackDown suggests (to me, anyway) that there is, perhaps, a smidgeon of truth to the idea that WWE is considering consolidating RAW and SD tapings into a single night, in which case it'd be REALLY tough on Cole to handle all 4 hours on his own. It's already taken as read that SD is moving back to Thursdays in October, but there's also buzz that WWE wants to save money by cutting back to one taping per week (and then one other taping per month to get enough content for Main Event and Superstars, ala the olden days of 4 episodes of Saturday morning syndicated shows all taped in one night, and/or the current taping model for NXT).

Time will tell if that's the reasoning here, or if it's just something they're doing because Phillips has earned the shot on his own merits.

In the meantime, Orton has made it to the ring, and faces off against his archnemesis, a Live Microphone. But he keeps it very simple, and thus, the microphone doesn't bother trying to embarrass him. In short, Orton says he's been called many things in his career -- from Viper to Apex Predator to Legend Killer -- but he's never been called a loser, so people should just forget about what happened at SummerSlam, and start showing him proper respect.

Because if they don't, and he starts to feel disrespected, well, that's when bad things happen. In deference to his less than sparkling intellect and eloquence, Randall just shoots it to another video package that illustrates his point (it's from last month when he decimated Roman Reigns on RAW).

When we come out of the video package, Orton tags it with a line about how -- if the fans and Reigns and even Orton's opponent later tonight, Rob Van Dam, don't want to GIVE him respect -- then that's OK; he'll beat the respect out of them and TAKE it. End scene.

Announcement: so we head back to the announce table for another visit, and this time, they tell us that John Cena has invoked his rematch clause, and will face Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title at Night of Champions. They also promise additional details later.

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JACK SWAGGER vs. SETH ROLLINS

Once again, no Zeb Colter (still selling the kick to the head from Rusev; also, it allows JBL to joke about how Zeb may not be back until 2017 if he's relying on the VA hospital system for his health care).

Swagger kicks things off by out wrestling Rollins. GRAPPLINGSMANSHIP~! But Swagger's still got the ribs taped up, and Rollins goes right for them when he realizes he can't beat an NCAA all-American at his own game.

Swagger gets a hope spot when Rollins comes off the top rope, and Swagger catches him and turns it into a sweet belly-to-belly... but Rollins rolls out of the ring, and when Swagger follows, Rollins catches him while he's stepping between the ropes, hits a simple knee to the gut, and just like that, Swagger's down again.

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Back, and Rollins is still working the ribs, now with a body scissors. Swagger fires up out of this, and starts his comeback. For about the fifth time in recent weeks, this builds up to a Swagger Bomb that actually hurts his own ribs to the point where he can't follow-up.

So Rollins sees the opportunity to regain command, and drops Swagger with a kick to the head, and then sets up for a springboard move. But when he does so, Swagger sidesteps and grabs the ankle as Rollins flies by. Ankle Lock cinched in. Rollins with a rope break. Quick double-reversey and Rollins goes for the Curb Stomp, but Swagger evades it.

Swagger chucks Rollins out of the ring, but his own momentum carries him out, too, where his ribs once again are his undoing. Rollins is actually first to his feet, and sends Swagger into the ring post.

At this point, Rollins gets back in the ring and tells the ref to count, content to take the countout win. But Swagger drags himself back up, and gets his head and shoulder in under the bottom rope at the 9 count.

So Ambrose just up and Curb Stomps Swagger right onto the apron, and Swagger falls back out of the ring again. Vicious looking. This time, the ref makes it up to 10.

Your Winner: Seth Rollins, via count-out, in about 8 minutes. Decent little match, with the final minute or two definitely ramping up the drama and action to commendable levels. Also, the story of Swagger being in a slump and becoming a possible "disappointment" to America has a few interesting possibilities.

After the Match: Rollins celebrated for a bit, then took off. The cameras linger on Swagger finally regaining consciousness, at which point Bo Dallas comes out and stands on the stage. He again harps on the idea of Swagger being a disappointment, going from "American Hero to American Zero." Bo also offers to replace Swagger as "America's Sweetheart," because he knows we all BOlieve.

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Backstage: Miz is talking on his cellphone, placing an order for an Extra-Douchey Coffee, gesturing dismissively off to his right to finalize his order. Then we pan back to reveal that it's Kane that Miz just blew off...

Miz says that unless Kane is here to provide details about Miz's IC Title rematch (or, as Miz says, "sequel"), then he doesn't have time to deal with the freak. Kane has finally had enough disrespect, and says "No, this isn't about your IC title match. But you want a sequel, well, I've got one for you. Tonight, you face the man who rearranged The Moneymaker last week on MizTV. Tonight, you face Roman Reigns." Miz is not pleased.

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SIN CARA vs. RUSEV (w/ Lana)

We're all adults here, so let's not pretend this was something it wasn't.

Your Winner: Rusev, via submission, in 2 minutes flat. Pretend to care!

After the Match: Lana does her usual spiel, leading to her louding Vladimir Putin and looking up at the TitanTron, expecting Putin's picture. But instead, Mark Henry pops up and says it sounds like they didn't get the message on Monday, so maybe they need a refresher...

And just like that, Henry's on his way down to the ring, and in deference to the fact that Henry crushed Rusev on Monday, Lana basically pulls Rusev back, and they retreat while Henry stands tall in the ring. USA USA USA~!

Backstage: Renee Young is standing by with Rob Van Dam, and asks him about his match tonight with Randy Orton. RVD thinks Orton just needs to chill, and that all this talk of demanding respect just means that Orton's obsessed and insecure over the fact that he lost to Roman Reigns at SummerSlam. But hey, there's no shame in losing to Reigns, he's a hell of a competitor. So honestly, why so angry?

And all of a sudden, Orton swoops in and clobbers Van Dam from behind. RVD is down and out, so Orton turns to Renee and says "When he wakes up, tell him if he still wants to fight, I'll be waiting for him in the ring." Oooooohhhh, scary.

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ROB VAN DAM vs. RANDY ORTON

Per his promise, Orton is already in the ring when we return from break. Then RVD's music hits, and instead of his usual walk to the ring, he sprints and wants to kick the shit out of Orton for the sneak attack. Orton powders out and won't get back in the ring until the ref settles RVD down.

Which he does, so Orton gets in, and the ref rings the bell. RVD is still powered by Mighty Indignation, so he wins the opening few exchanges. But then he sets up for his corkscrew legdrop off the apron, and Orton gets out of the way. So RVD crashes and burns.

At this point, Orton just snaps, and starts ramming Van Dam into various ringside objects, yanking him from post to steps to announce table by the ponytail, almost caveman style. All the while, the ref is counting, and Randall does not give a damn.

Your Winner: None, due to a double count-out, after about 2 minutes. Zero value as a wrestling match, but this was here to tell a story, a story which continued...

After the Match: Orton continued brutalizing Van Dam after the bell. Hangman DDT off the barricade, then back in the ring, where it all built up to Orton grabbing a steel chair and RKO'ing RVD into it. All in all, the post-match beating lasted at least as long as the "match." And it all added up to effectively rehabbing Orton as a borderline psycho who is still a threat even after his SummerSlam loss.

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Backstage: it's Roman Reigns turn to converse with the lovely and talented Renee Young. He says he just watched what Orton did, and he watched what Rollins did to "my boy" Dean Ambrose on Monday, and he figures the Authority must be riding high right about now. But not to worry, because "we are gonna have our revenge." Plural; so at the very least, we're looking at Orton/Rollins vs. Reigns/Ambrose once Ambrose is back (or, considering the time table, possibly Reigns/Orton/others vs. Team Authority at Survivor Series). But in the short term, Reigns says that if Orton wants more of what happened at SummerSlam, that's just fine with him. Somebody needs to kill the Legend of Randy Orton, and that somebody is him. Believe that.

PAIGE vs. NATALYA (Non-Title Match)

This is a rematch from RAW, when AJ caused a distraction that resulted in Nattie pinning Paige.

And this is basically a repeat of said events, albeit with a slightly longer match before AJ's interruption. Paige was really beating the hell out of Nattie (lots of wicked headbutts and knee strikes, interspersed with the same TV-PG lesbian overtones that she's been using lately) when AJ skipped down to the ring, and took the Women's Title belt from the timekeeper's cubicle.

Then she skipped up the ramp and posed with the belt, causing Paige to lose focus and follow to get her belt back. AJ set it down and said "Go ahead, you take it," but Paige feared it was a trap, so she didn't do it at first. Meantime, the ref is counting, and it might be our THIRD count-out of the night...

But Paige finally figures it out, quickly snatches her belt, and runs back to the ring, where Nattie greets her with a quick schoolgirl roll-up. Same as Monday. But this time, Paige kicks out.

A quick grapple, and Nattie is able to apply the Sharpshooter. Paige is fighting it, and tries to make it to the ropes. However, AJ has come back down to the ring, retrieved the title belt, and is standing on that side of the ring, mockingly "encouraging" Paige, all while carassing and smooching the belt (remember, it is her baby). Sharpshooter on one side, AJ taunting on the other. Oh, the indignity of it all!

Your Winner: Natalya, via submission, in 3 minutes. The "not much of a match, but it told a story" vibe continues. And while that story is definitely Paige and AJ sort of trying to out-crazy each other, we've also now got Nattie with two wins over the champ, which isn't a bad deal, either.

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GOLDUST & STARDUST vs. LUKE HARPER & ERICK ROWAN

During ring entrances, there is an inset pre-taped promo by the Usos, who congratulate the Dust Brothers on beating them Monday, but at the same time, promising it won't happen again.

Big time flurry by Stardust to kick things off, dominating the opening minute or so. Then Goldust tags in, and keeps it rolling at first, getting the better of Harper. But when Rowan tags in, he overpowers Goldust, backs him into a corner, and pounds away.

Goldust gets in a little hope spot, as he goes for the turnbuckle Mount and Punch spot, but Rowan just shoves him off, and then winds up forcefully chucking him out of the ring. Break in the action means a break for...

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Back, and Goldust is firmly entrenched as our Face in Peril, now at the mercy of Harper. Total domination for several minutes, mostly pummelling strikes (but also the Gator Roll and some posing and taunting to further illustrate the sheer one-sidedness of things).

Finally, at about the 7 minute mark, Harper goes for a corner charge, but Goldust gets a boot up, and Harper eats it. Then Goldust springs up to the second rope and comes off with a flying hurricarana. Wow!

Off the separation, Goldust tries to make it to his corner for the hot tag, but Rowan breaks that up, and Harper regains control with a stiff kick to the head. Nasty sit-out powerbomb, and now it's Cody's turn to come in and break things up.

Rowan comes storming back into the ring, but Cody ducks and lowbridges him. Rowan is now down and out at ringside. Harper approaches Cody, and gets a forearm to the chin... Harper stumbles back, and Goldust has just enough wherewithall to roll him up for the quick pin.

Your Winners: Goldust and Stardust, via pinfall, in about 8 minutes. Pretty simple stuff, although I enjoyed the twist ending in which Goldust never made the hot tag, and instead the Dust Brothers found another way to win.

After the Match: Goldust and Stardust celebrate the win, but forget that they didn't really put the Wyatt Boyz down. A very angy Harper clobbers Goldust from behind, and then chucks Cody out of the ring, where Rowan is back up, and awfully pissed, himself.

Rowan beats the crap out of Stardust, finishing by chucking one of the announcers' chairs at his head. That's it for Cody. Back in the ring, Harper's having his way with Goldust, and when Rowan rejoins him they finish him off with a combo of Harper's vicious lariat and a big assisted splash from Rowan.

Story here: the Dust Brothers beat the tag champs on Monday and the Wyatts tonight, but the Wyatts still just kicked the shit out of them after the match. So, presumably, we could be looking at a 3-way tag title match at Night of Champions, which would definitely solve the little problem from Monday (when the fans were confused and silent for Dusts vs. Usos) by inserting a true heel team into the equation.

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As Promised: more discussion of the Lesnar vs. Cena rematch, including a replay of Lesnar/Heyman's promo on Monday, and then footage of Triple H announcing the rematch on Tuesday's Main Event. And yep, that was the whole segment.

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ROMAN REIGNS vs. MIZ

Pretty much as soon as the bell sounds, Randy Orton materializes on the stage and starts strolling towards the ring. Reigns has to keep one eye on Orton, which means Miz actually gets in one or two offensive moves.

They only serve to annoy Reigns, who hits a flash spear out of nowhere. Thanks for playing, Miz.

Your Winner: Roman Reigns, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. Another "match" of no redeeming value, other than to further a story. Which is fine by me, usually, but this WAS supposed to be a main event, so I'm not as keen as I was the other three times they pulled this tonight.

After the Match: the "story" continues with Orton and Reigns staring each other down, while Miz conveniently disappears. The staredown continues with Orton getting into the ring, and then, fists start flying, as they are wont to do.

It's back and forth for a bit, but when Orton is able to steer things to the outside of the ring, he hits his comfort zone, and takes over. Orton is once again utterly dominating with help from the ringside furniture. Orton also goes back to the steel chair that helped him earlier, ramming it into Reign's ribs, and then tossing it into the ring, where he has designs on another chair-aided RKO.

But while Orton is setting it up, Reigns digs deep and lunges with a big ol' Superman Punch. It lands, and Orton quickly retreats (or, if you're Cole, he "slithers away"). Reigns is still groggy after the beating he took, but Orton wants no part of him. They play Reigns' music as we fade to black.

And so ends the show. The highlights for me were easily the only two matches that lasted more than 3 minutes: Rollins/Swagger and Dusts/Wyatts were both pretty decent. Not world beaters, and not really worth youtubing, either. But solid.

Storywise, they advanced several issues, too, with Orton obviously shouldering the biggest load by participating in three segments, and reestablishing himself as a credible physical threat even if he lost at SummerSlam. That's a lot of Orton, and yeah, maybe a bit much for my personal tastes, but at the same time: this is Orton getting to show off his best traits, and it is clearly effective. So my mileage may vary, but that doesn't change the reality that WWE just managed to make a Reigns/Orton rematch quite viable.

It's also worth noting that I benefited from being able to watch this via the magic of DVR, with my Fast Forward Finger getting a hell of a workout. There was a TON of filler and replays/repeats (which I didn't bother listing above; you're welcome) and as a result, I watched the entire 2 hour show in a hair under 1 hour. Suffice to say, I'd have been a LOT pissier about the dearth of in-ring/bell-to-bell action if I'd experienced this in real time.

But I didn't. The brevity of the matches, and the focus on advancing stories was still noticeable with FF, but it wasn't nearly as hateful. As a result, I think I can -- in good conscience -- hand out a grade of C-minus.

See you again on Monday night, kids!

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.