Segment 1 [Tag Match]: The Usos defeat Rybaxel by pin. No high spots here, and the conclusion was predictable, so I really don't understand why this match existed. [Ed. Note: at the taping, Ryback was pissed at Axel for getting duped. But then they decided not to air that part, rendering the whole exercise a bit pointless.] The Usos won after another “accidental” out-of-ring switch that the referee didn't notice.

Segment 2: The Miz hits the ring to give his “acceptance speech” for winning the Intercontinental Title. He starts by saying that it's an honor just to be in the battle royal, but now he's got the title! He thanks basically everyone in the world, and even points out his attending parents. He jumps into the crowd to interview his mom, who says that he being the IC Champions “is AWESOME!!!” Miz cheeses for the crowd and says there is no more mystery on where he got that from.

More boos as Miz asks his mom his final question: who is her favorite WWE superstar? Her answer: Roman Reigns, because he's totally hot. Miz gets pissed, and the fans cheer unnecessarily loudly. Ladies and gentlemen: a matriarchal face turn!

So Miz decides to head back into the ring to finish thanking everyone, including his wife, former diva Maryse, whose hair flip I miss every week. He also thanks each and every one of us, then wants to thank “the most powerful force of his life,” and he points up... but he refers to his own money-making face. Heh.

Miz wants to thank more people, but Bo Dallas hits the ring. Bo says that it's totally fine he didn't mention Bo's name. But he knows that Miz won the battle royal totally because he Bolieves!

Miz smiles and says that he's a huge fan of Bo's, and that their people should talk so they can have lunch some time. But before that bromance gets any further, Dolph Ziggler hits the ring. Dolph things the Oscar-like acceptance speech is lame considering he won the IC Title... assuming Miz calls it “winning” when Dolph does all the work in the match, including eliminating Sheamus. Heh.

Dolph is happy though that Bo and Miz get along so well. They've got so much in common! They inspire millions, they both have thousand-watt smiles, and... they're both full of crap! Miz tries to pass it off, but Bo says that Dolph can be just like them if he just Bolieves!

Dolph shoves Bo and tries to punch Miz. Miz dodges and bails, and Dolph leans in a bit, exposing his back to Bo. Bo cheap shots him, which he oversells. Even the face commentators thing Bo went overboard, though even for a heel, I think a single forearm to the back of the head is acceptable after a shove, you know?

As Dolph writhes at ringside, referees come down, and Dallas strips down to his trunks. Impromptu match, anyone?

Segment 3 [Singles Match]: Bo Dallas defeats Dolph Ziggler by dirty flash pin. No high spots and nothing to talk about. Miz was on commentary and did a damn fine job; this new gimmick is clearly what he was made for.

Toward the end, the match spilled outside the ring. Dolph pretended to superkick Miz's face for no reason, causing him to fall backwards in his chair. Dolph then slid in the ring and hit a Famouser on Bo, but only got a two.

Well, Miz wasn't having this bullshit, especially since he didn't touch or otherwise interfere with Dolph. So Miz hopped on the apron with mischief on the mind. Dolph saw it and tried a punch but whiffed. Bo rolled Dolph up with a handful of tights, and the ref didn't see it. He's now 17 and Bo!

Post-Segment 3: Bo did his usual victory lap, but on the last leg of it, Dolph slipped out of the ring and cold-cocked him. Heh. Dolph then turned his back, and Miz shoved him from behind; Dolph's face smacked into the ring post.

Segment 4: Renee Young interviews Roman Reigns, who says that he's basically going to beat the shit out of everyone because he feels that the world is against him. I mean, the promo was well delivered, but it's not exactly full of substance.

Segment 5 [No Disqualification Singles Match]: Dean Ambrose defeats Seth Rollins by flash pin. Very good match, and it'll probably steal the show.

Ambrose with early punchy-kicky offense, then he goes outside the ring to get the toys. He finds a Kendo Stick but quickly discards it for a bunch of chairs, but Ambrose gets big booted before he can get to use them. The brawl spills outside into the timekeeper's area, and Ambrose makes the first strike by using a bell-assisted double axe handle off the top of the barricade. Ambrose wants to follow up with a Kendo Stick jumping strike from the commentating table, but Cesaro counters with a Kendo Stick smash to Ambrose's chest in midair. Good lord. And that only brought us to commercial.

Back, and Cesaro has Ambrose in a neck lock with the Kendo Stick assistance. Ambrose broke out by biting Cesaro's hand, but Cesaro countered with a scoop slam to Ambrose onto two chairs. Jesus. Pin, but only two.

Then in a nice creative and violent spot, Cesaro rolled Ambrose onto his belly, unfolded a chair over him, sat on it, shoved the Kendo Stick into Ambrose's mouth like the bit of horse reigns, then pulled up in the most horrifying Camel Clutch ever. Cesaro only broke it on his own accord, then started smacking away at Ambrose's INJURED~! shoulder.

Ambrose caught the Kendo Stick after a few strikes and clotheslined Cesaro's head off, then stole the Kendo Stick. He got in a few good strikes and hit a Kendo Stick-assisted Russian Leg Sweep. Pin, only two.

Ambrose bailed to get a couple chairs, then set them up back-to-back in the ring. Ambrose and Cesaro both teased suplexes onto where the chairs met, but they couldn't do it. Finally, Ambrose just grabbed one of the chairs to drive it into Cesaro's gut. This stunned him long enough for Ambrose to suplex him onto the other chair which, as JBL said, crumbled the chair like a beer can. Pin, but still only two.

Multiple pin attempts from there as they threw each other shoulder-first into chairs or ring posts. Ambrose got some space when he hit a suicide dive, then grabbed and threw into the ring literally about two dozen chairs. He tossed in Cesaro after that, then started to go back in the ring.

However, Seth Rollins appeared out of nowhere and beat the crap out of Ambrose. Ambrose fought him off, but it gave Cesaro time to recover. The chairs were laid out mostly together in a single spot, and Cesaro caught Ambrose near the chairs on the apron. Cesaro then did his signature riduculous superplex where, while standing on the middle rope, he grabbed Ambrose, who was standing on the apron. Cesaro then dead-lifted Ambrose up and over the ropes, only to have him come crashing down back-first onto the chair pile. “Holy shit! Holy shit!” indeed, crowd. Pin... but still only two. There were so many chairs that Mike Chioda had to do the ring count by slapping one of them.

Cesaro muscled Ambrose up as a “This is awesome!” chant started. Cesaro looked to do a suplex, but Ambrose quickly rolled him up. Pin... and done? Huh. Crowd loved it, despite the flash finish. [Ed. Note: When Rollins runs in during a No DQ match, you just default to "Oh, well, Ambrose can't win this." And then, he did. I hate that I knew how it ended, because I'd have lost my mind a little bit, too, if it was live or I was going in unspoiled. Also worth noting is that Cesaro and Ambrose have now split 2 matches, which means we're due for a rubber match. A winner is us!]

Post-Segment 5: Rollins rematerialized to beat the shit out of Ambrose, and Cesaro joined in with a Neutralizer. Despite the billion chairs in the ring, Rollins didn't use any of them to hit the Curb Stomp.

Segment 6: Montage of AJ and My Paige's feud.

Pre-Segment 7: Naomi is now officially a singles wrestler, though she kept the music. And she's still smoking hot; tight wrestling trunks have seldom looked better.

My Paige then hits the ring, mocking AJ's skipping before getting in the ring and grabbing a mic. She tells us all that she and AJ still so totally friends. She likes AJ! And she totally likes Naomi too. Then she giggles one of those really, really disarming giggles that tends to make me open my wallet and buy the lady a cheeseburger. Or I suppose in Paige's case, some more eyeliner, since she probably goes through a case of that every week.

Also, we've got a new referee. Don't know his name, and he looks like the guy next door who is the All-American Normal Man, to the point where you can set your watch to the exact time he mows his lawn every week.

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: My Paige squashes Naomi by submission. The bell rang, Cameron's new music sound (and it's good, though mostly forgettable), Naomi turned her back, Paige hit her, followed up with a... something face slam, followed that up with the stupidly named Paige Tap Out, and got the pin. Too bad she didn't hit the Paige Turner, Paige Turner, XXX, Paige Turner, so Rick can use the views.

Cameron did nothing but stay on the stage, but she was wearing a very short skirt, so I think we're all winners. [Ed. Note: I concur. In the PPV Recap, I meant to make the joke that her new schoolgirl look was the highlight of the utterly useless pre-show. But then I forgot to. Now, I have rectified that problem.]

Post-Segment 7: ...Oh wait, she came down to the ring after Paige skipped around it. Cameron just shoved Naomi's face around, did a hair-assisted snapmare, then tossed her to the apron. Naomi pushed Cameron away and starting climbing the ropes, but Cameron shoved her, sending her off the middle rope and onto the ringside mats. Ouch.

Segment 8: Goldust is there to one-up his weirdness, this time with props. He's got a “crystal ball,” one those electric thingies, and he talks to it and predicts the future as he wears a wizard hat. As Goldust turns away to hit his punch line, he turns back to his crystal ball... except Stardust is there, his head poking through the table where the ball had been. He says some batshit thing, and then demands (with tongue clicks) that Goldust holds up the confetti to blow it away, since his hands are still under the table.

That, in fact, did happen. Or I'm having a stroke and hallucinating. Either/or.

Pre-Segment 9: Apparently my stroke includes Lilian Garcia wearing a fetching strapless pink dress that somehow walks the line between a mom dress and a sultry dancing dress. I'm turned on, but I'm not sure if I should feel ashamed of myself.

Segment 9 [Singles Match]: Bray Wyatt (w/ Wyatt Family) extend-squashes R-Truth by pin. Let's not pretend this was competitive, even though WWE wants us to.

After the match, Bray grabs a mic and says that Truth was there when Jericho needed him, but where is Jericho when Truth needs him? Jericho is no savior, but Bray totally is.

Segment 10: Highlight package of Stephanie McMahon's arrest on Monday. Pretend you care!

Segment 11: Highlight package of Brock Lesnar's “surprise” return! Pretend you still care!

Segment 12 [Singles Match]: Roman Reigns defeats Alberto Del Rio by pin. Solid match, and that comes from a guy who routinely dislikes ADR's in-ring work, for whatever that's worth.

Standard feeling out to start without any high or even relatively impressive spot before the ads. Still a little back and forth as we come back, but ADR gets the advantage as he targets the left arm, both the shoulder and elbow. Always softening up that target for the eventual Cross Arm Breaker!

Still, the story here is that ADR can't put on any rest holds, since Reigns pops out of them immediately with pure power. However, ADR is a wily veteran, and he's able to slip out of several potential hope spots. Every time ADR gets any offense, it's always the left arm. Excellent ring psychology.

More back and forth from there, seeing ADR doing his signature illegal rope-assisted arm bar, but Reigns countered out just by straight lifting him and slapping him in the face to make him hit ringside. Reigns had some offense there but continually sold the left arm. He delivered several shots but ADR stayed alive with smart, fast counters. He even dodged Reigns's signature apron front dropkick, which might be the first time that's ever happened.

Stompy-stompy from there by ADR, and the fight went back inside. ADR put Reigns in the tree of woe, then backed up for a Spear. However, Reigns did a military crunch to not only dodge, but force ADR to go shoulder-first into the ring post. Even better for Reigns, ADR's limp carcass saw him leaning over the bottom rope with his head against the post. Reigns bailed from the ring and then hit his apron front dropkick, which had the added stank of wedging ADR's head between Reigns's boots and the post. Good stuff.

Reigns reset himself and signaled for the Superman Punch. He hit it clean, but still waited for ADR to stand again so he could cut him in half with the Spear. Clean Spear, clean pin, clean win.

Final Thoughts: So ends the show, and I pretty much have nothing to say about it. The whole night was pretty by-the-numbers and formulaic, which isn't a bad thing. Even the nanosecond squash match had a purpose. I suppose the 10-minute sequence of three ad breaks and two highlight packages from Monday was a total waste of time, but whatever. Small price to pay for an otherwise decent show, albeit one without surprises.

Episode Grade: B-