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SD!: ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW
Nothing to Prove
October 6, 2012

by PyroFalkon
Master of the PyroFalkon Multimedia Empire, Incorporated
Read Pyro's Words
at Blogspot --/-- View Pyro's Videos at Youtube

 

I’ve officially decided to give Revolution one more episode. It’s been three weeks since the debut, and the episodes are getting more and more annoying. The saddest part of the whole thing is that it’s not the plot or premise: both are fantastic, and they’re new to me. Most post-apocalyptic survival shows and movies are due to nukes or zombie viruses, and there is zero chance for recovery in an alternate Earth that doesn’t much resemble ours other than landmarks. Revolution is more grounded (see what I did there?), with an Earth only 15 years removed from ours, where generally everyone still remembers what it was like.
 

But the characters… my god, the characters. Charlie, the main girl, has absolutely no consistency to any of her actions. She alternates from being a hardcore pacifist to a murderin’ badass in the span of one episode (or in the case of last week, in the span of one scene). She has one face expression, a weird mix of dumbfounded pessimism and being grossly offended. Occasionally she cries Angry Tears at wildly inappropriate times, and she seems to genuinely be a bigger threat to the main group than the enemies are.

 

Then there’s the Han Solo type (who completely changed his character for absolutely no reason halfway through the second episode, only to change it back literally ten minutes later), the Bad Guy with the Heart of Gold type, and others from a list pulled directly off TV Tropes. And I have nothing against tropes, but when the classifications are blatant, it gets awfully annoying in a hurry. Revolution contains so little subtlety that I’m surprised the actors don’t recite their stage directions. The only character who’s worth watching—the Genius Fat Guy with Comedy Gold, who is honestly about as funny as a malnourished Mexican beating a dog with a wrench—is on-screen so little that half the time I forget he exists. And even he can’t seem to decide whether he’s genuinely trying to be funny but just doesn’t have the social skills, or is a smarmy sociopath who can’t function without trying to be his definition of “cool.”

Ah well, I’ve been watching less TV anyway. I already gave up on NCIS a year or two ago, and never found anything to “replace” it, not that I particularly care. Besides, we’re in an election year, and the Presidential debates are pretty entertaining in their own right, but for the wrong reasons. I haven’t seen “two minutes” mean less as a time limit than when the replacement officials were still doing NFL games. Seriously guys: red and blue ties? You had to wear your team colors because you were afraid everyone would forget who was the democrat and who was republican? Morons.

Okay, I’ve ranted enough for today. Let’s get on with SmackDown, where… uh… something… will happen. I think. I gotta be honest, I never watched it last week. Thanks a million to Rick for helping me out as his Reds throw a no-hitter. Meanwhile, my Cubs finish the season with 101 losses, and I want to bury my head in the sand.

Segment 1: It’s Big Show to start the show, which he does by throwing it to the Titantron to show a montage of his beating the crap out of a bunch of people. Show says he’s so totally going to kick Sheamus’s ass too and win the title, which is when Sheamus pops out to argue. Or rather, extend an olive branch, in the form of a handshake.

Show doesn’t buy that baloney, so he just leaves. But Sheamus doesn’t want him to, so he throws it to the Titantron to show Daniel Bryan beating Big Show a mere 45 seconds for the title after Show won it at TLC. But then we get another clip, this one of DB losing 18 seconds to Sheamus at WrestleMania. Sheamus’s point is that anyone can have “plans,” but plans can be cut short in a hurry.

Show is offended… but gets in the ring and offers his hand. Sheamus, like the bully that he seems to think he’s not, just walks away without shaking Show’s hand. The fans cheer, which doesn’t make sense to me. Sheamus is start to fail as a face. (Or, in some of our OO Forum members’ opinions, he’s been failing as a heel for some time now.)

That was a weak opening segment; it didn’t really add much to the rivalry or the show.

Segment 2 [Tag Match, Quarter-Finals of the WWE Tag Team Titles Tournament]: Prime Time Players defeat Kofi Kingston & R-Truth by pin. An upset, standard match but nothing special, basically pure formula. The only change was during the rally at the end, Titus was the illegal man and tried to start up a Pier Four Brawl, but Truth stopped that nonsense by running around the ring and just stopping him cold.

It seemed to backfire. Kofi was confused, but he thanked Truth… then walked into Darren Young’s finisher. Whoops.

Pre-Segment 3: RRRRRROOOSSSAAA!!! But why no entrance? She gave like half a shoulder shake as their music faded. This continues to be a sad day.

And then Ryback’s music fires up, and My Rosa taunts him. That’s not very smart. But it’s so, so adorable.

Segment 3 [Singles Match]: Ryback defeats Primo (w/ Epico & My Rosa Mendes) by pin. Oddly competitive, this one was probably Ryback’s longest match to date. It was still basically an extended squash; Primo did a dragon sleeper at one point to zero effectiveness, so I’m not sure why he bothered.

Toward the end, Ryback chucked Primo from the ring. My Rosa ran over to help him, which was fantastic to watch since the camera was facing her front. Epico also got involved, but Ryback arrived to put him down and toss Primo back in the ring. There, Ryback delivered his version of the Clothesline From Hell, which according to Josh Mathews is apparently called “the Meathook.” Ryback followed it up with whatever he calls his big finisher, and that was that.

As always, I humbly offer my services if she wants comforting. I’ll comfort her all night… many times. Sometimes up to even three minutes a stretch!

Cut Scene: CM Punk and Paul Heyman are here for some reason. They metaphorically grab Some Guy in the back to get directions to Dolph Ziggler’s dressing room, and we cut to commercial. Hm…

Pre-Segment 4: During Layla’s entrance, she kisses some little girl on the cheek. Two questions: when I attend RAW live in November, how can I make that happen with My Rosa? And will I get arrested if I try to kiss her back?

Segment 4 [Singles Match]: Layla defeats Alicia Fox by pin. Decent enough match for the divas, but nothing special. Decently worked by both ladies, but we didn’t see much here. They did attempt to tell a story, with Alicia targeting the leg, though it wasn’t until the end of the match when Mathews mentioned that was her SURGICALLY REPAIRED~! leg. Or maybe I just missed it, I don’t know.

Anyway, Layla oversold the leg, which I mean as a compliment. But she oversold it randomly; other times, like when Alicia tried to put her in a dragon screw, Layla didn’t sell the leg at all. Pretty confusing.

The final spot saw Layla trying a corner rebound flying crossbody. She hit it, and tried to float over, but knee was hurting her so bad that she sort of rolled off to self-break the pin at a one-count… which doesn’t make a tremendous amount of sense. Though, maybe it was intended to make us think Alicia had a shot, as Alicia popped up and tried another dragon screw. Layla had it scouted, countered out, and hit a roundhouse to Alicia’s temple to end it. When Layla made the final pin, I’m pretty sure she grabbed a handful of Alicia’s boob… must have just been to check for breast cancer, I’m sure.

Post-Segment 4: Matt Striker is in the ring after replays to interview Layla for some reason. Layla calls out Eve, saying that she was so dirty in winning the Divas Title, it’s going to make it more awesome when she loses it.

Interestingly, the post-segment ends with Michael Cole taking Eve’s side on the matter, or at least not taking Layla’s side. Are they slowly turning Cole back to being a heel, or was that more neutral?

Segment 5: Dolph and Vickie Guerrero are walking through the halls when Punk and Heyman find him. They bicker about the fact that Dolph walked out of their team on Monday, and the argument escalates in volume.

Booker T arrives and breaks up that crap, but says that if Punk is here anyway, let’s just settle the issues between them with a match tonight. Punk is too stunned at being called “Sucka!” to actually respond.

Hm… is this the start of a face turn for Dolph? Maybe we’ll have a repeat of last year, and Show will win the title from Sheamus, only to lose it 45 seconds later? I know the fans have been clamoring for Dolph to turn for a while now… [Ed. Note: they've been giving fans chances to cheer for Dolph for a couple months, now. First, when Jericho turned heel and left. Just last week, they gave him a chance to have a great -- and CLEAN -- match against Kofi, without Vickie to act as heat magnet. Now this. I know some of us "smart" fans want to cheer Dolph, but acclimating the rest of the normals will take some time.]

Segment 6 [Singles Match]: Wade Barrett extend-squashes Some Guy by pin. Whatever. Apparently WWE thought Ryback’s build-up went so well that they’re repeating it with Barrett.

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: The Miz defeats Sheamus by disqualification. Solid match with a hot crowd. Nothing unusual or high-spotty, but a fun back-and-forth match. The end saw Sheamus hitting his Irish Curse Backbreaker, then the Ten of Clubs, then ready the Brogue Kick. But that’s when Big Show came down, got on the apron, and just punched Miz in the face. Referee McDoucher immediately called for the bell.

Show just backed away while taunting Sheamus, who once again had that scab on the bridge of his nose ripped off. Yuck.

Pre-Segment 8: Back from commercial, and David Otunga is in ring attire in the ring. He blathers—apparently on behalf of the whole roster—because of something that happened last week after SD went off the air. Alberto Del Rio continued beating the crap out of Randy Orton, and it took all the refs in the world to break it up.

So on behalf of the locker room: thanks, ADR, for beating the shit out of Orton! He thanks ADR for his courage, and—

And I hear voices in my head, apparently. Oh wait, it’s Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez who pop out of gorilla. ADR steals Orton’s slow walk and vacant face expression (and, amazingly, even Orton’s timing) as he steals the entrance. Wait, I take that back: ADR is a little off, as he hits the Ultimate Pose of Douchebaggery during the second verse, rather than the first chorus.

ADR says that Orton isn’t here because, clearly, Orton is afraid of ADR. And since ADR never lies, he insists he is the new Apex Predator of WWE. ADR hits the UPOD one more time, somehow doing rape-face at the same time, making it frightening on multiple levels.

Booker T then hits the stage and confirms that ADR took out Orton “forever.” ADR says he did! So Books is all, “Well then, I guess your schedule is free!” So now ADR and Otunga have to take on Team Friendship. Yay!

Segment 8 [Tag Match]: Team Friendship defeats David Otunga & Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) by pin. Fun match and well worked, this broke formula slightly by not having a heel beatdown sequence. The faces controlled most of the match, and the Moment of the Night goes to DB for stealing Otunga’s taunt… but directing it toward Kane. (Kane’s reaction: “Look out, Otunga’s right behind you!” Followed by Otunga beating the crap out DB and taking control of the match.)

DB eventually tagged out, and Kane did well. Once Kane was on his rally, DB tried to tag himself in, but Kane sensed it and caught his wrist. (I know I’m being picky, but shouldn’t that count as a tag? If slapping a dude in the face is a legit tag, I would think grabbing his wrist would be too.) So Kane was distracted by telling DB to cut that shit out, but then ADR (legal at the time) shoved Kane, making him and DB crash into each other.

ADR took control then and gathered momentum. But Otunga decided to be an idiot, so he tagged himself in despite ADR’s protests. Otunga hit a one-armed spinebuster on Kane but couldn’t seal the deal, and Kane answered with a chokeslam. By then, DB recovered and finally did tag himself in, then hit a diving headbutt of the top rope. DB went for the pin, and ADR was too pissed to actually break it up. The champs win!

Segment 9: Eve and Teddy Long are arguing in the back about whether Long actually told Eve to suspend Beth Phoenix last week. Long thinks that Eve is just being a bitch, and is sure she had something to do with the attack on Kaitlyn prior to Night of Champions. Hell, if he was in charge, Eve would be tossed out on her sweet, sweet ass!

That’s when Books comes in. He dismisses Eve, then gets in Long’s face about them bickering, laying the blame on Long. Long submits with a fist bump, and Booker T leaves, thinking that everything is settled. But you can see on Long’s face, it’s not settled yet. Ooo, smell the drama!

Segment 10 [Singles Match]: Tensai reverse-extend-squashes Big Show by disqualification. Short, but that means it didn’t over-extend its welcome. Show basically dominated, then readied the WMD. That’s when Sheamus pulled triple duty, hitting the ring and nailing Tensai with the Brogue Kick. Mirroring Sheamus’s match just a bit ago, Sheamus left the ring laughing and taunting Show.

Segment 11: RAW Rewind, and I don’t recap recaps (when I remember).

Segment 12 [Singles Match]: CM Punk (w/ Paul Heyman) defeats Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) by pin. Solid match, bordering on free-per-view but just a bit too short to be considered for it. Still, I wouldn’t mind seeing these guys get another five to ten minutes, and the match was good enough to warrant a proper recap.

General feeling-out chain wrestling to start, with Dolph generally getting the better of it. They reach a stalemate after one exchange, then go to commercial. Once we’re back, Punk technically starts the heel beatdown sequence, but it’s really just more back-and-forth chain wrestling. And I mean actual wrestling. There’s a time and a place when chinlocks, even early chinlocks, actually do help the story of the match. Orton, to my memory, has never done it correctly, but Punk and Dolph certainly did.

Punk gets the better of that exchange and winds up going to the top rope. Dolph recovers and follows, and they start punching each other as they try to maintain balance at the top. Then… they stop maintaining. Dolph flies off the corner to the north side of the ring, landing generally on his feet. But it’s Punk who takes a sick fall, because as he drops back, his leg catches the apron. Rather than landing on his feet, by catching the apron, he wound up turning around 270 degrees and faceplanted the black mats. It was so stiff that the ref actually slid out of the ring to check on him. We didn’t see a Single Fist of Health, but everything proceeded, so Punk was likely fine. (Or as “fine” as you get in that situation.)

Both guys beat the double-count, and they exchanged blows. More chain wrestling with near-falls, including Dolph getting a reeeal close two-count after he grabbed a handful of tights. This apparently is significant because, thanks to Michael Cole, we know that that’s how Punk himself beat Sheamus on the debut of Main Event this past Wednesday. As Punk argues with the ref about Dolph grabbing his tights, Dolph nails Punk with a DDT but can’t close the deal.

Dolph maintains momentum and, after more back-and-forth, Dolph hits the Fame-asser but again can’t close the deal. Punk steals momentum with a roundhouse kick out of absolutely nowhere, but Punk can’t finish Dolph either. Dolph backs to the corner, so Punk does his signature running knee, but changes up the follow-up from a bulldog to a short arm clothesline. Still not enough to finish him.

Punk continues his attack with a scoop slam, but then gets caught as he scales the top rope and takes entirely too long to attack. Dolph flings him, but whiffs on a corner splash. Punk quickly wraps him up and hits the GTS, and that does it.

Post-Segment 12: Punk stands on the commentary table with a mic as he sucks in some breaths. He says that he thought long and hard about it, and he knows we all want to see him face John Cena at Hell in a Cell. He knows what he has to do is correct… to get respect, he has to take the match, right?

Well, tough cookies, he’s still not going to do it.

Final Thoughts: Decent night. The main event was certainly above average, but the rest of the card wasn’t. By the book, nothing really exciting, and not really sustainable episodic TV unless you really like this Sheamus/Show feud.

Other than that, I’ve said everything I wanted to say, so I’m done here. I’m still not over my bronchitis, so I need some sleep… Have a good weekend guys, and I’ll see you on the other side of it for RAW!

Episode Grade: C+

 
E-MAIL PYROFALKON


  
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