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SD!: ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW
The Boot Gets the Boot
September 8, 2012

by PyroFalkon
Master of the PyroFalkon Multimedia Empire, Incorporated
Read Pyro's Words
at Blogspot --/-- View Pyro's Videos at Youtube

 

I want to blather here about how excited I am about the NFL season starting, especially since I only got to watch two games in their entirety last year due to work, and how things are going to be different this year. But as life goes, when it rains it pours, and I’ve gone from one emergency to another. Don’t worry, it’s not nearly as devastating as my last one was, and I certainly don’t need any money, but the point is: I have no time for precaps, and very little time for the recaps proper. This’ll be a Less Than You Need To Know edition unless something really awesome happens.
 

Opening: We cold-open to Ricardo Rodriguez coming out of Booker T’s office, flanked by David Otunga and Alberto Del Rio. RR is overselling general agony, and has a soft collar around his neck. And… then opening song and pyros. So… yeah.
 
 


Segment 1: Nix that “pyros” part. The instant the song is over, we smash-cut to the stage, where the aforementioned trio hits the ring to ADR’s music at a snail’s pace, which is arguably still faster than an Orton pace.

Once in the ring, ADR gets a mic and blathers about his recent accomplishments, and adds that at Night of Champions, he’ll totally beat Sheamus for the World Heavyweight Title. But it’ll be hard, because the Blarney Boot should totally be an illegal move because of how deadly it is. Apparently not deadly enough for ADR to complain about it literally for the last year, but hey: this is WWE, not a community of continuity.

Anyway, ADR is all shook up because apparently RR is ADR’s only friend. But it’s not personal: after all, hundreds of people have suffered the move, and they should all be upset. The Cross Arm Breaker is “poetry and beautiful,” unlike the Blarney Boot, which… well, he breaks into Spanish here, but he’s probably calling it criminal or something.

Then Otunga takes the mic, and he blathers like a lawyer asshole, which works for his character. We get a montage of the Blarney Boot, and Otunga insists that he demands justice… and money, of course. And they want to make sure the Blarney Boot is illegal.

Well, here comes Booker T to the stage to respond to that. Books isn’t happy because the meeting they had was supposed to be secret, but the first thing the trio did after the meeting was bring the case to the people. So fine: let’s ask the people! Should the Blarney Boot be banned? Resounding “no,” so Books says the move is still fine.

And… that’s the segment?

Post-Segment 1: As the commentators finish talking about it, they mention that Books fined Kane an undisclosed amount for chokeslamming the kneecaps off Josh Mathews. Josh replies, “He could have done more, but hey… it is what it is.” Which makes Cole flip out in defending Mathews and pushing him to get Otunga as his lawyer to sue, then segues to saying that Jerry Lawler should also sue after the post-match beatdown by CM Punk on RAW a week and a half ago. I really, really hope this doesn’t mean they’re going to do a whole story with this whole commentator thing.

Anyway, apparently they’re going to talk about the Punk thing later. I don’t think he’s actually going to be there, but we’ll see.

Segment 2 [Tag Match]: Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara defeat The Miz & Cody Rhodes by pin. I’ve said a billion times here that Rey’s matches don’t excite me, and this was no different. Technically worked well, everyone pulled their weight, Miz had a little extra energy. But it was a formulaic tag match, and… well, meh. The end-game was pretty solid, and the end basically happened because Cody (illegal) went to kick Rey (legal) but kicked Miz accidentally. Cara dispatched Cody, and Rey hit Miz with a 619 and top rope diving headbutt to end it. [Ed. Note: I actually really liked this little match. As random as Cody's tag partners have been the past few weeks, Miz went out of his way to create synergy with audible cheer-leading and hint-giving -- i.e. "Cody, duck. DUCK!" to help him avoid a cross body, among others -- from the ring apron. Of course, what's he get for his efforts? A boot to the head from Cody. D'oh.]

Segment 3: Daniel Bryan is walking in the back, and he’s accosted by Hornswoggle. Horny wants a hug, and DB says “Absolutely not,” but Horny was just kidding. Horny offers a handshake, and DB begrudgingly takes it… and get his toe stomped for being a trusting soul. Horny laughs and runs off; DB immediately does deep breathing exercises to calm down. Why the hell am I recapping that in so much detail?

Segment 4: Otunga is arguing with Booker T in the back. Otunga shows a slide show of the moment of impact of the Blarney Boot against various superstars. Otunga then tries to guilt trip Booker T, and it… kinda works. Books says he’ll think about it. Otunga says that’s not good enough, hilariously calling him “Mr. T,” then says he’ll demonstrate the damage of the move if Books meets him in the training room.

Segment 5: Replay of RAW where DB and Kane “hugged it out” by beating the shit out of each other. I just recapped a recap, didn’t I?

Segment 6 [Singles Match]: Zack Ryder defeats Daniel Bryan by booth review. An oddly competitive match, but I guess it had to be to have the ending it did. DB with all early offense, Zack does his comeback, and after the Broski Boot, DB just… begs to hug it out. Zack is confused but stupid, and does so… and gets slapped in the No Lock for his effort. Zack taps in a nanosecond.

So DB wins… then slaps on the No Lock again, just to be a dick. When the ref can’t pull them apart, the ref calls for the bell and reverses his decision. DB freaks out, but doesn’t do anything.

Pre-Segment 7: Lilian Garcia, now once again wearing something that makes me happy (in my pants), tries to announce the next match, but Damien Sandow pops out first. Sandow bitches that he was forced to compete in a match last week that he was unprepared for, because he has to go through a process to defeat his opponents. And his process is what’s at the root at the fact that he’s never been pinned, thank you.

But more importantly, he saw the tweets and Touts that he’s supposedly a coward, and that is not cool for our bastion of truth and enlightenment. [Ed. Note: Sandow went out of his way to explain why he did what he did last week. A man of his intellect takes pride in his work, and that means PREPARING for a match, not just being forced to wrestle on a moment's notice. So when he walked out on Sheamus, he was simply doing the intelligent thing, and how dare the imbeciles in the WWE Universe accuse him of behaving in a "craven" manner. Then, moments later, Cole -- displaying his own lack of enlightenment -- tried to regurgitate Sandow's point, and kept using "craven" as a noun, instead of an adjective. Dipshit.] Sandow just doesn’t get this social media bullshit: “Instead of tweeting, how about reading? When Albert Einstein discovered the theory of relatively, I’m sure he did not Tout about it.” Ha! Sandow, you’re just endearing yourself to OO more, because we at OO know that social media is just giving an outlet to those who have nothing to say anyway.

(And yes, OO is aware that OO has its own Twitter accounts, but OO doesn’t spam you with stupid bullshit. A winner is you! Unless you’re the type to have 40,000 followers and think that alone makes you totally smart and clever!)

Anyway, Orton comes down and says that Booker T had had enough of Sandow’s bullshit, so Books ordered a change of Sandow’s opponent tonight… it’s going to be Orton.

Sandow says that’s not right, once again, he's being blindsided instead of having time to prepare properly. Orton (and Booker T apparently) doesn’t care, the bell rings, and it’s on.

And then Dolph Ziggler appears to join the commentators. Cole calls him “Mr. Money in the Bank,” and Dolph responds “That’s my father’s name,” which doesn’t make an iota of sense. Unless Dolph was trying to be funny, in which case, swing and a miss.

Then the bell rings again, and I guess we’re on for-realz.

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: Randy Orton defeats Damien Sandow by intentional countout. Meh… it was an Orton match. Orton totally dominated until the fight spilled outside, and Orton made eyes at Dolph. Dolph responded by standing on the table and taunting him, distracting Orton and letting Sandow get back into it.

Sandow then started the heel beatdown sequence, culminating in Orton coming back and hitting the Hangman’s DDT. Sandow took it, and Orton wanted to hump the ring, but he had to stare at Dolph first. That gave Sandow just enough time to recover, bail from the ring, and haul ass up the ramp.

Post-Segment 7: Dolph started to leave, but Orton—like that drunk douchebag alpha male at the bar—cut off his path for no reason. Punches were thrown, the fight got in the ring, and Orton took advantage. Orton humped the ring, and Sandow ran back down the ramp to do… something. Orton saw him and hit an RKO, and Dolph bailed. Dolph saves himself, Orton gets the moral victory, and Sandow… uh… doesn’t get pinned, I guess. [Ed. Note: if Booker's gonna keep changing line-ups and putting Sandow in unscheduled matches at a moment's notice, Sandow's gonna keep getting out while the getting's good, rather than risk injury to himself or others by performing his craft in an ill-prepared manner. Show the man an iota orf decency and this wouldn't happen. Or maybe it will, since being a chickenshit is what a heel does.]

Segment 8: We’re in the trainer room, and Otunga blathers like an idiot as he continues to try convincing (“demanding”) Booker T to ban the Blarney Boot. Booker T gives another “I’ll think about it”… but then adds that Otunga needs to get his gear up, because he’s demanding that Otunga faces Sheamus. Next, after commercials, I guess?

Pre-Segment 9: Kofi Kingston and R-Truth (and Little Jimmy, apparently) hit ringside to be on commentary. They’re here for a match, and the competitors—which include the Uso Twins—didn’t get an entrance. I want to see the Siva Tau!

Segment 9 [Triple Threat Tag Match, winners are #1 contenders for the WWE Tag Team Titles]: The Prime Time Players defeat Epico & Primo (w/ My Rosa Mendes) by pin, outlasting the Usos. Solid match, definitely match of the night (unless WWE really pulls out something special for the rest of the night), but it wasn’t exactly a free-per-view. Very solid, all three teams are very good, and definitely a should-watch.

Also: RRRRRROOOSSSAAA!!! That’s another reason (well, two) that they need to televise entrances. My pants are less happy now.

The match ended with a total clusterfuck of a Pier Six Brawl. The final spot had Epico trying to superplex one of the Usos, but Young cut that off by grabbing Epico in the powerbomb position. I thought they were going to do that sick spot with a combination powerbomb superplex (a superpowerplex bomb?), but no: D-Young just pulled Epico away and did his new finisher, that military press drop to gutbuster thing that makes my spleen ache every time I see it. The Uso followed up with a diving splash, and he tried the pin, but Young flung him out of the ring. Everyone else was still taken out due to the Pier Six Brawl, so the pin took.

After the match, the PTP ran their mouths at the champs, but nothing happened.

Segment 10: RAW recap of Cena/Punk/Heyman from this past Monday.

Segment 11: Eve Touted about how Books should ban the Blarney Boot. Who gives a shit?

Segment 12: Teddy Long is talking to Kaitlyn about the Blarney Boot too, which seems random. Then Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero arrive. They dismiss Kaitlyn, and they plead for a second shot against Orton after Orton beat the crap out of him, so Dolph wants him at Night of Champions.

Long says that he’s not a champion, but concedes that not every match needs to be one for a belt. So he promises to advise Booker T to go ahead and make the match anyway. Dolph says that who knows, maybe by then, he will be champion!

Pre-Segment 13: Yoshi Tatsu is in the ring, and he’s about to be unhappy, because it’s the return of Wade Barrett! As expected, Barrett has new music to go along with his new beard and douchebag spiky haircut. Somehow, the beard makes him look younger… how is that possible?

Let’s see if anything’s changed…

Segment 13 [Singles Match]: Wade Barrett extend-squashes Yoshi Tatsu by pin. All punches and kicks here. Solid and convincing, nothing flashy, but also not exactly deep.

Post-Segment 13: Barrett gets a mic and blathers that he’s been gone seven months, so damnit, he wants an actual competitive match. So if he doesn’t get an immediate shot at a title, then he’s going to do something “interesting”… “Wade Barrett is open for business!”

When that line is uttered about a person, doesn’t that usually mean the person is a prostitute? I guess he’s just “taking on all comers,” which is bad enough, but “I’m open for business” isn’t much better.

Segment 14 [Singles Match]: Sheamus defeats David Otunga (w/ Alberto Del Rio) by submission. Standard match, basically a squash, but Otunga got in some (completely unrealistic) offense. When Sheamus rallied and wanted to do the Blarney Boot however, Booker T popped out long enough to tell him that the move is banned.

ADR used the distraction to try causing another distraction and giving Otunga a chance. But Sheamus, as bummed out as he was, wasn’t having any of that happy-crappy, so he put Otunga down with the Irish Curse backbreaker, and followed up with a Texas Cloverleaf. ADR had been all smiles, but as he saw Otunga tap out, the worry returned.

Final Thoughts: Decent night, nothing special. Worth a watch—especially the triple threat tag match—but not something you really need to plan an evening for.

Episode Grade: C+

 
E-MAIL PYROFALKON


  
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