Then again, what do I know: most of the people in the theater enjoyed it, and I heard several couples insist that “the critics were wrong, it WAS good!” So maybe I’m the one out of touch or too picky, I don’t know. Two stars out of five.

For the most part, movies are an impulse thing to me. Rarely do I see an ad for a movie and get fired up for it; a lot of times, it’s mere curiosity. Like when I saw the new Karate Kid, and we saw a preview for Despicable Me, I was curious and intrigued, but not fired up. Well, thanks to a trailer on Adult Swim, there’s another movie I’m intrigued and curious about: The Other Guys. It seems to be a satire on the buddy-cop genre, where Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock are the all-star super cops who seem like a tag team of twin John McClanes, always successful and ready to win. So instead, the movie focuses on their departmental coworkers, played by Will Ferrell and… uh… someone else… uh… was it Will Arnett? The guy from Blades of Glory? [Ed. Note: I'm pretty sure the other Other Guy is Marky Mark. I don't have the benefit of recently-seen-commercials -- THANK YOU, DVR~! -- but that's a flick that's been on my radar, too. I'm gonna go with Marky Mark, if my memory's worth anything.] Anyway, it looks pretty neat, and I always go out of my way to see anything with The Rock OR Ferrell in it, so I’m pretty interested in this one. It comes out in early August, so at least it’s something to look forward to.

Okay… it’s almost 10pm as I write this, which means I’ve got an hour to kill before SmackDown (delayed by stupid baseball). What to do, what to do… well, I’m sure you won’t care, so let’s do a little recap time-shifting and get to it.

Pre-Segment 1: Damnit, it’s midnight before SD starts! Stupid death of George Steinbrenner, fucking up New York stations’ scheduling…

Okay, I have to say, as much as I am annoyed by Cody Rhodes’s overly douchebaggy nickname, they do a clever little thing with his entrance and a fake mirror. Seriously, check it out: it’s one of those things that’s kinda neat the first time, and I’m sure will get progressively more irritating as we go along.

Segment 1 [Singles Match]: Cody Rhodes and Kofi Kingston wrestle to a double disqualification, or a no contest, or something. Match was slightly below average, with Kofi doing much less than he normally does, though he was kayfabe selling a beat down from Nexus on NTX this week. Which reminds me… can “kayfabe” be used as an adverb like that?

Anyway, the match was formulaic. When Kofi started his comeback from the standard heel beatdown, Kane arrived. Kofi tried to kick him a few times, but ate a chokeslam. Then Cody got up, and ate one too for good measure.

Post-Segment 1: Kane has “breaking news” for us! He announces that there will be a “bludgeoning” tonight, and assures us that Jack Swagger is guilty and did put Undertaker in a Veggie Tales state.

…Yep, exactly like that.

Segment 2: In the locker room, a trainer is talking to Rey Mysterio and fitting his left ankle with an air cast. The trainer heads out, and Josh Mathews replaces him, which is certainly a lateral move at best. Josh interviews him, and he says that he’s… wow… he’s not going to defend his title on Sunday at the PPV! Instead, later tonight, he’s going to go out and forfeit his title belt to Swagger!

Josh asks if he’s serious… and Rey says he’s totally kidding! Because with his doctors’ support and the support of his little air cast, he’s going to totally be brave and stand up on his own to defend his title and continue living the dream. Then, Rey drops a clue that Jack attacking him was desperation, but Jack’s attack on the Undertaker to make him a cucumber, well, that’s so totally going to bite him in the ass.

Segment 3: And wouldn’t you know it, the next scene we see is Swagger, who is talking on his cell phone. We don’t know who he’s talking to, but he’s bitching about Rey’s words. Still, he can’t wait to see whoever he’s talking to, and the mystery man will arrive thirty minutes. Jack mentions something about “I’ll win like you always taught me to do,” so ten bucks says it’s his famous daddy we keep hearing about.

Segment 4 [Singles Match]: Drew McIntyre defeats Christian by pin. Decent match but nothing special, though with a couple high spots, including Christian doing a top rope dive to ringside early on. The match ended with some triple reversey stuff, finishing with a thumb to the eye behind the ref’s back (which Christian way oversold) followed by a Future Shock.

Segment 5: Another Alberto Del Rio vignette, this one mostly about his big-ass education. Pass.

Segment 6: As we come from commercial and a video résumé of CM Punk, the whole Straightedge Society is in the ring. Punk opens by putting himself over, and assures us that the group is so totally fully united despite their bickering over the last couple weeks.

And here comes Big Show for no reason, carrying a small step ladder in his right hand and a very large one in his left. Show, and even the sound guy, ignore Punk’s request for his music to be killed and his entrance to be stopped, until Show sets up his ladders. Punk demands to stop being interrupted, as the crowd was so totally listening to him. Show replies that all Punk was doing was putting everyone to sleep, as “SES” really stands for “Snoozing Every Second.” Funnier in delivery than in text, trust me.

Anyway, Show is here to pimp the PPV and how it’s going to be a trip since he’ll be involved. Punk patronizes that line of thought, and leads his troop outside the ring to listen not-so-politely to Show’s selling of the show. Which Show does… very well. He tries to show us how he’s nervous about it, since he’s so heavy, and demonstrates by stepping on the big ladder, which can’t hold his weight. Well, maybe the small one will work… but no, he doesn’t even bother trying.

Show goes on that that’s the problem with being a giant, that he breaks everything in his path. But he’s got a present. And here come six stagehands running down with the biggest fucking ladder on the planet. He demonstrates its strength and sets it up, but that’s when Punk chimes in. Punk says the whole demonstration reminds him of King Kong and the Empire State Building, which he fell off of if you remember thank you very much, and if Kane hadn’t messed up his arm, he’d totally be the one involved in the MitB match.

And while he blathers, Luke “Mr. Mediocrity” Gallows and the Masked Man slide in the ring and beat the shit out of Show, while Punk climbs Show’s super ladder. But the SES celebrates this, giving Show time to recover and fling the minions out of the ring. Punk shits himself, but can’t escape as Show climbs the ladder. Rather than adding injury to install, Show just rips off the black luchadore mask, and poses with a shit-eating grin as Punk cries. Awesome!

Segment 7: Jack is in the back, and is on the phone, and his mystery friend still isn’t here. Whoever he is, he’s got proof of Jack’s alibi for the Taker’s assault, and he’s worried since he’s not here yet. Hopefully that wasn’t too many pronouns.

Segment 8 [Mixed Tag Match]: Kelly Kelly & Chris F. Masters (w/ Tiffany) reverse-squashes Layla & Trent Barreta (w/ Caylen Croft) by pin. Match was random and gay as hell. Layla kicked the shit out of K2 for like 60 seconds, then Rosa Mendes came down jumping rope and jiggling the whole way. This distracted the male heels, who then “assisted” Rosa with her jump rope. Layla screamed at them—despite having K2 completely stunned and where a tag would make completely zero sense at all anyway—and then CFM came around and shoulder-checked both heels. Layla screamed some more, and K2 gave her a kick to the stomach and a Fame-asser to win. For some reason, this upset Rosa… apparently she’s trying to impress Layla, which is a subplot I don’t recall ever hearing before.

Pre-Segment 9: Matt Hardy hits the ring for a match, but gives us a generic (but decent) promo to hype MitB. He also assures us that when he wins MitB, he’s going to cash it in that night, so he’s going to leave Sunday nights as the World Heavyweight Champion. Big words, buddy.

Segment 9: Yet another Alberto Del Rio vignette. My mom is hot for him but wants him to have a hairy chest. No: I have no fucking clue why I brought that up.

Segment 10 [Singles Match]: Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) defeats Matt Hardy by pin. Match was watchable but nothing special. Final sequence was kicked off by an almost blown spot, where Matt did a nice Twist of Fate, but Ziggler went for the ropes on the pin… but only barely touched it, like by a fingernail, rather than grabbing the rope entirely, because he was a few too many inches away.

It didn’t deter Dolph, who hopped up from the pin break and slapped on the sleeper. Matt got out of that, and after a whiffed clothesline, Matt nearly crushed Vickie (who had hopped up to the apron). Matt stopped himself before he did anything bad, but then ate the reverse jumping neckbreaker drop to seal the win.

Segment 11: A limo arrives, and Jack greets it. Some old guy jumps out—damn near certainly his father—who presents a package. A page runs off with it to the monkeys in the truck, and we go to commercial.

Segment 12: Jack hits the ring with his dad and blathers like an idiot, putting himself over, and saying how important it is for him to win his World Heavyweight Title. And oh, by the way, he’s going to settle this Kane crap once and for all. After introducing us to his dad, we get to the evidence.

…Which is a slideshow of his All-American American American adventures, including working out, fishing, and firing off M60s to celebrate the country’s birth by blowing up a piece of it. Well, two of those are true, anyway.

And here comes Kane, unimpressed at the show-and-tell. Kane isn’t happy with the pictures, not pointing out that the pics don’t have time stamps and who knows when it happened. Kane decides to display his guilty verdict by wrapping his hand around Jack’s throat. Jack’s dad tries to stop him, but Kane won’t. However, it gives him a bit of a distraction, letting Jack smash his mic into Kane’s face.

Kane goes down, so Jack slaps on the ankle lock, which his dad cheers on. This summons Rey, who hobbles down to the ring. Jack has the ankle lock on near the ropes, so Rey heads for those ropes and hits a clean 619, then scurries out. The Swaggers look on, and Kane recovers, taking each of their throats in hand. Jack manages to escape, but his dad isn’t so lucky, and Kane enjoys planting him into the mat. Jack is too humiliated and turns away as Kane delivers the move, but then throws a crazy temper tantrum afterwards. However, Jack won’t take the bait, and won’t get back in the ring.

So Kane figures, what the hell, let’s do a Tombstone Piledriver to Papa Swagger! Jack does manage to watch this, but is clearly distraught. He stares at Kane helplessly as Kane blows his corner pyros, and we’re out.

Final Thoughts: Meh. Watchable night but nothing exceptionally entertaining other than the Big Show/SES promo, which was all kinds of fun. Christian/Drew got match of the night, but that’s like saying Olive Garden gets the restaurant of the city when compared to McDonald’s and Burger King. Zero selling for the pay-per-view, and a very average (or even below average) episode in general. Pass.

Rating (out of 5): 2.0