Coming in a day late, no time for precaps. Let’s roll…

Segment 1: Rey Mysterio is out here to start the show, specifically for a match, but he wants to talk first. He cuts a generic promo, appealing to the fans that when he wins the title at the PPV, it’ll be for all of us. Then he busts into Spanish, just in time for Jack Swagger to hit the ring.
 

And here comes the Straightedge Society to add to the discussion. CM Punk compares himself to JFK and Malcolm X, that he suffered his own assassination attempt on Monday. That’s a bit of a stretch and sure to piss off the Kennedy estate, but whatever. Punk puts himself and his résumé over, and assures us he’ll be a four-time champion at the PPV, so the fans will finally have a champion they can cheer for.

Rey counters with a nonsensical statement, then points out that he (Rey) beat Punk before, several times, by himself… then tells him to pull his mask off to have some humility for once in his life.

Big Show then comes down to round out the party. Show assures that he will win, then goes and gives each of his opponents a one-sentence dismissal, but he saves his best material for Punk. He says that he (Show) pulls off the bald look pretty good, so why doesn’t he just pull off Punk’s mask to see how Punk looks?

Punk starts to defy him, but then the lights go red. Kane appears on the Titantron, and he assures us all—especially the four men in the ring—that he will bury whoever put down Taker. And for that matter, Kane posits, maybe it wasn’t just a single attacker. It doesn’t matter if it was all four though: Kane will issue vengeance on anyone, regardless of number, who had a hand in the conspiracy against the Dead Man. Kane’s heavy breathing leads us into the commercial.

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Rey Mysterio defeats Jack Swagger by pin. Good match. A couple minor high spots, like a Jack-delivered Shelton Benjamin-like explosion in the corner, when Rey was on the top rope. Jack only hopped up to the middle rope and threw Rey off with a hip toss, but it was quick enough that it was pretty fun to watch.

Early on in the match, Rey hit Jack with a 619 and springboard splash, but couldn’t put him away due to a foot on the ropes. At the end, Rey hit Jack with a second 619, but when he did his follow-up, he did a springboard missile dropkick to put Jack in the 619 position again. Rey hit the third 619, did his springboard legdrop, and that was it.

After the match, Jack attacked Rey for a bit. Kane then came down, delivering a chokeslam to each guy.

Pre-Segment 3: Michelle McCool, Layla, and their NXT rookie hit the ring. They blather about how gross everyone is… except Michelle’s parents, who are in the audience. As I’m sure you can guess, this is retarded. Moving on…

Segment 3 [Singles Match]: Layla (w/ Michelle McCool & Kaval) defeat Tiffany (w/ Kelly Kelly) by pin. Match was lame, as expected. The only noteworthy thing is that Tiffany landed really awkwardly as she was pushed off the middle rope, but she seemed okay.

Segment 4 [Singles Match]: Christian defeats Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) by pin. Decent match but nothing special. Dolph used every generic offensive move in the book, so only Christian’s good ability kept this one watchable. Match ended with a triple-reversey spot, ending with a sunset flip by Christian.

After the match, Vance Archer and Kurt Hawkins beat the crap out of Christian for a minute, then left. Dolph used that time to slap on his sleeper hold, much to Vickie’s delight, leaving Christian laid out on the mat.

Segment 5: Somewhere in the back, Kane is doing some Gay Spooky, speaking to a wreath of black flowers as he eulogizes Taker. Nothing major substantive, but he reiterates the threat against the four players involved in the PPV main event.

Segment 6: Drew McIntyre hits the ring, wearing a suit, so clearly he’s not here to fight, but he does look pissed. He calls out Teddy Long, who answers promptly and joins DM in the ring. DM forces T-Long to watch the Titantron, showing footage of Kofi beating DM, followed by Matt Hardy jumping the barricade and hitting a Twist of Fate on DM. DM also shows Matt beating DM and the post-match assault on RAW this week.

Back to the show, DM blathers about being the Chosen One, but goes on that per Vince McMahon, Matt is suspended “from all WWE programming.” DM says he warned T-Long that turning a blind eye to Drew, there would be serious problems, and it’s come, so the punishment to T-Long is…

…we don’t know, because Kofi appears and interrupts the proceedings. Kofi isn’t happy about the way the situation has gone with Drew, and how everyone is sick of hearing DM whine every week. Kofi gets in the ring at this point, tells DM to shut up, on behalf of everyone in the universe. Kofi then goes on to challenge Drew’s manhood, saying he’s earned everything he’s got, and always handles his business, especially with people he doesn’t like.

And the inevitable fight is on at that point. The punch line is Kofi flinging Drew from the ring, but Drew wanting to keep going. Drew hops up on the apron, but that just puts him right into Kofi’s waiting foot, as Kofi delivers a Trouble in Paradise, sending Drew to the mats. Drew has enough at that point, but glares at Kofi.

Segment 7: After a commercial, Drew finds T-Long in the back. Drew continues his announcement before he was interrupted by Kofi. The announcement: next week, Drew gets to face T-Long in a singles match, and if T-Long refuses to participate, he gets fired.

Segment 8 [Singles Match]: Big Show defeats CM Punk (w/ Straightedge Society) by disqualification. Almost a squash, Show was kicking all kinds of ass, including readying a chokeslam… but then he changed his mind, forced Punk to his knees, then readied to pull Punk’s mask off. That summoned Luke Gallows, Serena, and the masked stranger to attack Show as well, drawing the DQ.

The assault continued for a bit, and then Kane came down. Repeating his performance from earlier, he chokeslammed the masked stranger, then Gallows… then Big Show! It wasn’t the cleanest-looking move of course, but it was pretty convincing considering Show’s larger size.

…And that’s the show. No time for final thoughts this week. Expect a “full” All You Need To Know recap for RAW.

Rating (out of 5): 2.5