Segment 1 [Singles Match]: Rey Mysterio defeats CM Punk (w/ Straightedge Society) by pin. Match was good and 20 minutes long, but contained nothing noteworthy other than a sick backbreaker that Rey took. Match ended with a bunch of triple reversey stuff where a 619 was countered to a GTS, which was re-countered to a victory roll and the pin.

After the match, Luke Gallows jumped Rey, and a three-on-one assault laid Rey out. Serena did a great Punt Kick of Doom that looked as good as anything Randy Orton has ever done.
 

Pre-Segment 2: Drew McIntyre hits the ring after a long intro and a new slow rock song. He runs down his resume, that he’s the IC champion and that he’s undefeated and unstoppable, so he’ll take on anyone.

And here comes Kane, which makes Drew hang his head. Uh oh.

Once Kane gets in the ring, Drew says that he’s changed his mind, that he’s got nothing to prove. Since, after all, Drew beat him last week for a bid to enter the Elimination Chamber. So, Kane can have a match next week, but not now.

So Drew leaves… or rather, starts to, when Kane kicks him through the ropes. The bells rings, and Kane leaves the ring to fetch his fallen opponent.

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Drew McIntyre and Kane wrestle to a double countout. Match was short but decent, though nothing special. It ended when Kane chokeslam/clotheslined both of them over the top rope, and kept beating on DM. DM tried getting back in the ring at the 6-count, but Kane stopped him and kept smacking him. Kane, of course, couldn’t care less about the victory, and let the count go on.

After the match, Drew got his title and went to smack Kane with it, but Kane chokeslammed him as a counter. Kane drooped the title across Drew’s corpse, blew his corner pyro, and left.

Segment 3: Mickie James is in the back, grabbing an apple out of a fruit basket… then Michelle McCool and Layla come up and mock her for eating yet again, without seeing the irony in doing so. Goddamnit, this stupid fat shit isn’t over yet. They offer Mickie some cottage cheese, which she smacks out of their hands… and it lands on Vickie Guerrero. Sigh.

Segment 4 [1-on-2 Handicap Match, Tornado Rules]: Michelle McCool & Layla defeat Mickie James by pin. Whatever.

Segment 5: Batista is out here to explain why he helped Vince McMahon assault Bret Hart, and why he beat the crap out of John Cena when Cena tried to make the save. Batista takes literally over five minutes to say not a goddamn word, and the silence is not coming across as “intimidating,” but merely infuriating and boring.

Bats eventually decides to just drop his mic and leave. Apparently, we’re not worthy of hearing an explanation. I say again: whatever.

Segment 6: Theodore Long comes out to the stage. He says that if Bats is refusing to talk tonight, then hopefully Bats will feel like competing… so next week, we’re going to see Bats vs. Edge.

Segment 7 [Tag Match]: Matt Hardy & Khali (w/ Maria & Translator) defeat The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) by pin. Meh; THD is my new favorite tag team of the current roster, but the match didn’t last long enough to let them show off their abilities.

Segment 8 [Singles Match]: R-Truth defeats John Morrison by referee stoppage. After a fancy little dodge about 30 seconds into the match, Morrison goes down and sells his right leg. He sells it that he can’t put any weight on it at all, so the ref calls for the bell.

Segment 9: Edge is out here to talk. He says there’s a side-effect of being the Royal Rumble winner: that he does not have to compete in the Elimination Chamber. It’s a career-shortening match, one that takes a lot of luck to win and is quite violent to get through. What is certain is that he’ll take on whoever survives it.

Edge goes over a few of the guys he could face, concluding that he’d love to get a shot at Undertaker and ending The Streak. Still, Edge knows that he doesn’t know exactly who he’ll face at WrestleMania, so instead he’ll focus on next week, where he’ll get to face Batista. “And there’s no one I’d rather beat down than you.”

Which of course summons Chris Jericho. CJ points out that Edge didn’t specifically mention his name in the list of potential guys he could face, but CJ says that’s because he knows he’s a bad-luck charm for Edge. CJ blathers in his normal idiom, concluding that he should fight whoever wins the RAW Elimination Chamber, since CJ will win the SD Elimination Chamber.

CJ says that if Edge does not take on the RAW EC winner, “bad things will continue to happen to you.” To prove that, CJ wants Edge to watch tonight’s main event real closely, which is Taker vs. Jericho. And it’s happening now!

Segment 10 [No-DQ / No-Countout Singles Match]: Chris Jericho defeats Undertaker by pin. Match was decent, more story-based and entertaining than action-oriented. Match was back-and-forth for the whole thing, with Edge out on commentary to start. Over the course of the match, Taker threw Jericho over the announcers table, though Edge dodged. Edge stood up though, wondering what Taker was doing. Taker threw Jericho back in the ring… then hit Edge with a big boot out of nowhere.

Shortly after, Taker countered a move of Jericho’s to send CJ into an exposed turnbuckle. As CJ stumbled back from that, Taker hit him with the Last Ride. Right then, Edge came up and hit a Spear, then left. Both guys recovered, but CJ was up a split-second faster and hit Taker with a Codebreaker to end things.

As the show faded out, CJ and Taker stared each other down from the length of the ramp.