Tonight, I plan on chilling with some popcorn and actually watching a damn show without any distractions for a change.

Other than that? Not much going on. I’m almost done with my newest strategy guide, and school is almost over for a week, so next week I should be able to catch up on pleasure gaming, pleasure reading, and an overall sense of accomplishment. I just have to get through the next few days, then I’m golden.

Oh, and, uh, Happy December, everyone. Where the hell did 2009 go?

Shit, I just saw Rick’s news update about Umaga passing away… I have no words.

Segment 1 [Singles Match]: R-Truth defeats CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows) by disqualification. Match was all right but nothing special. It was all well performed, as much as either guy can do, but it certainly wasn’t magic. The match ended when Truth started to get on a tear, and Gallows got involved to assault him.

After the match, both heels kept the assault going. Once Truth ate Gallows’s finisher, Punk kissed the top of his head. Really.

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Kane defeats Mike Knox by pin. It was almost a squash, and was about as boring as one. At least the finale—Kane doing a nice chokeslam to Knox—was fairly cool to see.

Segment 3: Josh Mathews interviews JeriShow in the back. Jericho cuts a fairly vanilla promo against DX. I mean, sure, it’s entertaining, and he helps put over the dangerousness of a TLC match, but it wasn’t exactly earth-shattering, and it went on too long.

Segment 4 [Triple Threat Match, winner is #1 contender for the Women’s Title]: Mickie James defeats Natalya by pin, outlasting Beth Phoenix. Match was all right but nothing excessively special. However, these are the three best divas on SD, and the match was crisp. The only real problem was the lack of sizzle; the crowd just wasn’t into it.

Oh, Layla and Michelle McCool were at ringside, watching, wearing tank tops that read “Piggie James.” So intimidating.

Post-Segment 4: Josh Mathews interviews Mickie, or tries to. Mickie pulls the mic away and basically pushes him out of the ring, then cuts a promo on Michelle. It’s, uh, not the best quality… but it ends with Mickie giving a cheap shot to Michelle and a few punches on Layla. After that, the heels grabbed Mickie, threw her in the ring, and punched the crap out of her.

Here comes Maria to make the save. The commentators say we haven’t seen her in awhile… I haven’t noticed. Anyway, Maria successfully makes the save, Mickie recovers and flings Michelle out of the ring, and the faces celebrate a moral win.

Segment 5: Batista is in the office of Theodore Long. Bats is complaining about the fact that he has to take on Rey Mysterio again… until it’s announced that the rematch is next week, and it’ll be a street fight. Bats shrugs that off, since he gets carte blanche with beating the shit out of him.

Bats switches subjects and wants to know why T-Long is allowing Taker to “call the shots” by calling him out tonight (something hyped by the announcers earlier, as if anyone cares). T-Long says Bats brought it on himself. Bats storms away. This accomplished what exactly?

Segment 6: Matt Hardy is in the back, playing WWE SmackDown vs. RAW 2010 on a 360. Matt is playing as John Morrison for some ungodly reason, and the real Morrison so totally coincidentally comes in at that moment. Morrison is impressed that Matt is playing as Morrison kicking Drew McIntyre’s ass, because that’s so totally going to happen in reality next.

Pre-Segment 7: The possibly future Mrs. Falkon squeals as her two favorite men in the universe hit the ring to touch each other. Drew talks, and starts to comment on how hot Morrison is (in a patronizing way of course), and Morrison punches him in the face. Alrighty.

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: Drew McIntyre defeats John Morrison by pin. Damn fine match… I still think DM is a better monster heel than Sheamus is. Anyway, the ending was a little unique. JM hit DM with a kick, sending DM outside. DM, in pain, kinda half-crawled under the ring. JM didn’t want to win by countout for god knows what reason, so he went out to chase. JM tried pulling DM out from under the ring, dislodging the apron and exposing the steel supports of the canvas. Drew braced himself, then pulled JM so he slung head-first into the steel. From there, DM threw him in the ring, hit a double underhook DDT, and that was it.

Good chemistry from the guys. I’m looking forward to more matches between these too. As is the possibly future Mrs. Falkon, of course, for entirely different reasons.

Pre-Segment 8: Vickie Guerrero is out here to shriek and hurt my ears, bitching about how Eric Escobar treated her last week. She promises that she’s going to rain hell on him unless he comes out right now and apologizes.

Eric comes out presently and does apologize… for ever meeting her or wasting his time with her! Oh noes, a face turn! Except no one gives a shit!

…I lie, actually. The crowd is hot for this. Hotter than they were for the women’s match. Let’s be honest, this is because they all hate Vickie, not because Eric has any charisma or charm or anything.

Anyway, Vickie is unhappy, so she books EE in an instant handicap match against Hart Dynasty. And it’s, uh, now.

Segment 8 [1-on-2 Handicap Match, Tag Rules]: Hart Dynasty squash Eric Escobar by pin. I refuse to recap squashes.

After the match, Vickie slaps EE, and DH Smith gives him another kick in the ribs. Whatever.

Segment 9: Josh Mathews is busy tonight, now interviewing Luke Gallows. Gallows says his Festus days totally wasn’t his fault, because his family allowed him and forced him to take these drugs or whatever was causing him to be weird. Prescription pain pills so totally did it. Punk is standing with him, and promises that that’ll never happen again, ever.

Gallows agrees and calls Punk a savior. Punk folds his hands, pops his eyes wide, and looks like he knows he’s God’s child. Ugh.

Segment 10 [Tag Match]: JeriShow defeats Cryme Tyme by pin. Practically a squash, the match saw JTG as the Face In Peril for 99% of it. When he finally managed a hot tag, Jericho tagged in Show simultaneously. Shad wanted to go all House Of Fire, but Show just fired off a Knockout Punch and made the pin. Heh.

Segment 11: Here comes the Undertaker! …Except when he’s at the bottom of the ramp, Bats comes out of nowhere and beats the shit out of him with a chair again. The assaults lasts a couple minutes, capping off with a high spinebuster onto the chair. Bats then celebrates with Taker’s title over his downed body.

Final Thoughts: …Wait, that was it? Er, okay…

The whole night was pretty bland. The matches weren’t train wrecks but weren’t special. Not much to say about this one, really… business as usual.

Rating (out of 5): 2.0