OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Selection Monday
May 23, 2016

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Today's depressing news update has nothing to do with WWE departures... instead, it's the fact that certain higher-ups were not enamored with the "Edge & Christian Show" on the WWE Network, and there is presently a very real sense that it will not be brought back for a second season.

With very few exceptions (every "EC-Dubs" skit failed to butter my corncob), the E&C Show was outstanding! I mean, it was just so pitch perfect, it's like if you and your best friend were given unfettered access to WWE's warehouse of goodies AND a rolodex of all WWE alumni still on speaking terms with the company, and you were told "The only rule is, it has to be funny as hell".... the show you'd come up with would be exactly the E&C Show!

Caveat: this assumes that you and your best friend were roughly 8 years old when the WWF's golden era started, and WM3 was your first WM you got to see because your parents finally decided you were old enough, and you started cheering heels sooner than most because guys like Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan were just too good, and Bill & Ted was your favorite movie in high school, and.... well, I could go on, but maybe the caveat is "this assumes that by 'you' I actually mean 'me.'" Because the E&C Show really seemed to be on a wavelength that my brain has been specially attenuated to receive and appreciate.

The thought that the show might not continue makes me sad. The fact that WWE seems to be doing everything in its power to make "Camp WWE" its signature comedy show is even more offensive to my tastes, temperament, and wavelengths. But hey, WWE's sunk costs on "Camp WWE" are huge (the show was set to debut last fall, until Hulk Hogan got all racist-y and they had to completely re-do vast chunks of most episodes with Flair's character taking Hogan's place), so I guess it's no surprise if they try really really hard to justify its existence.

Save E&C! If Season 2 isn't greenlit by the end of summer, bah gawd, I'm gonna make a spectacle of myself, and campaign on a platform of Cope & Cage until WWE comes to its senses!

Or not. I'm not very good at the hashtags and the trendytrends, as those mediums hamper my ability to actually inform and entertain using my words. My lovely, beautiful words. All my magnificent words. Like this:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those with ADD: OO does not recap recaps.

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc., and we're live in Baltimore, MD, for what Cole tells us is the 1200th episode of RAW. We only get a perfunctory welcome, because Seth Rollins is already on his way to the ring.

SETH ROLLINS PLAYS YOU LIKE A FIDDLE

Rollins has new content for his entrance/Tron video, focused on the attempted catchphrase "Redesign, Rebuild, Reclaim." Meh. But the live crowd is paying no attention to the misfire on marketing, they are just cheering Rollins like crazy. The cheers morph into a thunderous "WEL COME BACK" chant once Rollins is in the ring.

For his part, Seth seems to be soaking it in, in an appreciative fashion. That is, until he quits gesturing (Broadly) and actually starts speaking. Rollins' words paint him as still every bit as cocky and self-centered as he ever was, though when he gloats about sending a message to WWE Champ Roman Reigns (and shoots it to a clip of him delivering the Pedigree), the fans still keep cheering, because Everybody Hates Roman.

Rollins picks up on this, and chastises the crowd, "If I didn't know better, I'd say you people missed me. But here's the thing, from the moment I grabbed a steel chair and single handedly destroyed the Shield, you people have hated me and hated everything I've done. You people said I was the weakest WWE Champion in history, and now, somehow you think I'm the greatest."

Seth theorizes that the only thing that has changed is that he hurt his knee, and some fans thought Seth might need some good mojo, and they lit up social media and they sent him cards and get well wishes, and everything. Maybe the fans are cheering now because they think they "helped" Rollins to get back.... well, think again, dummies! Rollins didn't read a single tweet, and he burned all the cards without reading them, because he doesn't need any help or any pity from you idiots!

Finally, the majority of the fans get the message, and are booing him lustily. Rollins tags his speech by making sure we all know that he, and he alone, put in the work to recover and return, better than ever. And he and he alone will regain the WWE Title that he (and he alone) held previously, and never lost.

On that note, Roman Reigns heads to the ring. But as soon as Reigns walks up the steps and onto the apron, Seth makes the universal sign for "Screw this noise," and walks out on the segment... only problem is, he's not even halfway up the ramp when Shane McMahon's music hits. Shane-o hits the ring, and encourages Seth to hang around.

Shane waits out some huge cheers and a "YOU STILL GOT IT" chant, and says that he'd like for both Seth and Reigns to get in the ring, and let's all have a nice little chat, OK? Shane takes us on a trip down memory lane, just in case anybody doesn't know the backstory. Friends and stablemates turned enemies, then Seth stuck his nose in Roman's business by cashing in at WM31, and ran roughshod over WWE until an injury, and in Rollins' absence, Reigns stepped up and won the title.

Well, the way Shane sees it, all that history means this could easily be a WrestleMania main event... but hey, he doesn't want to wait till WM, and hey, he's also in charge. So Shane declares that in 4 weeks, at the Money in the Bank PPV, Roman Reigns will defend his WWE Title against Seth Rollins. Play Shane's music!

For me, that's shooting the Reigns/Rollins wad a bit too quickly.... but I'll hold out hope that we get some more layers and complexity when we find out if HHH/Steph are as keen on handing Rollins free title shots. I suspect they aren't (or at least, we were already building the foundation for a Rollins/HHH feud back last fall, so why not pick that up again?).

Before we break for ads, Cole & The Gang reveal that the main overriding theme for tonight's show will be a series of Qualifying Matches for the MitB Ladder Match. They run down the list of 4 contests we'll see tonight, but first on the docket will be Sami Zayn vs. Sheamus. And that match is NEXT......

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SAMI ZAYN vs. SHEAMUS (MitB Qualifying Match)

Sheamus is the defending MitB winner (and he held onto the briefcase for 5 months before successfully cashing in), but here, he has to fight for the right to even compete in this year's match. He's clearly not pleased about it, and also clearly does not think highly of Zayn, as Sheamus does a lot of "dismissive bully" schtick when the bell rings. This, in turn, leads to Zayn showing fire by standing up for himself.

Sheamus tires of Zayn's spunkiness, and dives out of the ring. Zayn follows, and continues the assault, hitting a moonsault off the ringside barricade. But as tends to be the case, as the match edges back towards the ring, Sheamus manages to pull off the ol cat-and-mouse role reversal spot, catching Zayn with a big boot as Zayn attempts to get back in the ring.

Zayn falls back to the floor, while Sheamus gloats. Break in the action means we break for...

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Back, and Sheamus is still in control. The heel beatdown leads to an Irish Curse backbreaker, which gives Sheamus the first convincing near fall of the match. Fans begin rallying behind Zayn, and as Sheamus lines up for the Irish Hammer, Zayn cuts him off with a clothesline, and then a Michinoku Driver for his first legit near fall.

Zayn's flurry ends when he tries for his run-up-the-ropes Tornado DDT. Sheamus shoves him off the top rope for another mini-beatdown... in fact, Sheamus seems to have things well in hand as he dropped Zayn with a forearm, and then took a moment to regroup in the corner to plot his next move.

But his next move is getting a Helluva Kick right in the mush, completely out of nowhere. And just like that, the defending MitB winner won't even be in this year's match.

Your Winner: Sami Zayn, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Pretty basic paint-by-numbers action, until the flash Helluva that caught everybody by surprise. Zayn is pretty much a must-have for the MitB Ladder Match, while one gets the impression that Sheamus is in line for a reboot (he's got a major role in the new Ninja Turtles movie, so a full on face turn -- perhaps at the expense of "Hollywood A Lister" Miz -- would work as a way to erase the memory of all the jobbing he's been doing).

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Backstage: Renee Young is standing by with Apollo Crews, who is facing Chris Jericho in another one of our MitB Qualifiers, later tonight. She wants to know if Crews expects Jericho to be 100% after the brutal Asylum Match last night. Crews says there's no way Jericho could be 100%, but Jericho is also still a legend, and Crews isn't taking the match lightly. He says he considers himself a huge part of this "New Era" in WWE, and he doesn't want to let anyb......

And just like that, he's clobbered from behind by Sheamus. So maybe that face turn isn't happening just yet, but Sheamus' mental breakdown is on full display, so my basic premise about a reboot stands.

The beating delivered by Sheamus is pretty decisive, but I don't think it's enough to write Crews out of his qualifier.... so Sheamus back-dooring back into MitB doesn't appear to be on the table, either.

Prefatory Matters: the New Day are in 6-man action, but first, let's party! There's a big cake set up in the middle of the ring, and it reads "Happy Birthday."

Kofi reiterates that this is RAW's 1200th episode. Eggsavier Wood does some quick math (he's a PhD, you know!) and says that means RAW is over 23 years old. Grump-E poops the party by saying this has nothing to do with a birthday, and what they mean is "anniversary."

Actually, he didn't. But given his recent bent towards grumpy disapproval of silly antics, I was kinda hoping he would.

Instead, Big E points out that it is dangerous to have a cake inside a wrestling ring. It almost never ends well for the cake. So really, we should get it out of the ring, to safety. Woods concurs, and carefully gets the cake out to ringside.... but that's when E and Kofi start riffing on the fact that, now that they think of it, cake's don't do well at ringside, either. They invariably end up in SOMEbody's face.... so they go around ringisde, teasing that Woods will toss it in fans' faces, or maybe JBL, or maybe Saxt.....

And mid-tease, the Social Outcasts attack E and Kofi in the ring, and when Woods sets the cake down and jumps in the ring to help, he gets beat down, too.

It appears this is our scheduled 6-man match, and officials will restore order, and we'll see it after these...

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THE NEW DAY vs. THE SOCIAL OUTCASTS

We join the match in progress. There is no doubt about the outcome of this match. The only area of uncertainty is who gets the cake in the face.

As it turns out: nobody. Yet.

Your Winners: the New Day, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened.

And then, after the match, the New Day remembered the cake. They threw it in Heath Slater's face. If you care. Just harmless crowd-pleasing fun to give the New Day something to do on the show, as they are currently without compelling challengers to the tag titles.

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CESARO vs. MIZ (w/ Maryse) (Non-Title MitB Qualifying Match)

Miz cuts a pre-match promo, gloating about last night's 4-way IC Title Match, using all manner of superlatives to describe it. Other than the part where he misrepresented his own method of victory, he wasn't even hyperbolizing, because christ, the match was just that damned amazing. If you still haven't seen it, you're really missing out.

Then Cesaro hits the ring, and the match, proper, begins. Suddenly, Miz looks like anything but a dominant IC Champ. For pretty much the entire opening 4 minute segment, Cesaro dominates with a blend of basic forearms and Feats of Strength.

He's finally had enough of Miz and just manfully chucks him out of the ring. While Maryse tends to her man, we will take a gander at some...

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Back, and Miz has somehow taken over. We never get any explanation as to the how. Miz is dominant to the point that he decides to go for the Skull Crushing Finale. Cesaro is able to block it, but Miz retains control of the match, including his neckbreaker/backbreaker combo, the hooking sit-down clothesline, and a few leverage moves using the rope to do damage to Cesaro's SURGICALLY REPAIRED~! shoulder.

But when Miz decides to hit the top rope, Cesaro catches him with an amazing standing dropkick that manages to reach Miz flush in the face, sending Miz tumbling all the way to the floor. Still selling the shoulder injury, Cesaro makes his big comeback, getting his first near fall after a Steamboat-style crossbody.

It's not long before Cesaro is able to hit the giant Swing.... but his shoulder gives out after just 2 revolutions. Miz immediately capitalizes by once again clotheslining Cesaro's bad arm over the top rope.... but also once again: Miz goes up to the top rope, and it backfires. Miz leaps, and Cesaro catches him in mid-air with an uppercut.

Add in one (1) Neutralizer, and that's that.

Your Winner: Cesaro, via pinfall, in about 12 minutes. Solid match, albeit relatively tethered to formula. Only Cesaro's never-ending supply of ridiculous physical feats never get old, so it was still more fun than it should have been. That said, booking-wise, this is not how I would have played it: now, Cesaro just beat the IC Champ, but he won't get an IC Title Match, because now he's in MitB. Either you build on the story of last night's match to set up Cesaro's next IC Title Shot OR you keep Miz strong as you establish his next challenger. This accomplishes the worst of both worlds, and it would have been easy as pie to fix.

Backstage: Renee Young is standing by with Seth Rollins, but the interview never really gets off the ground, because Seth notices Stephanie McMahon walking past, and he so totally wants to catch up with her, because he hasn't had a chance yet...

But when he catches up with her and seems genuinely happy to see her, even offering a friendly hug, Stephanie responds very coldly. She says she doesn't know what's gotten into Seth, but their relationship was always about business and nothing else. And it's gonna stay that way. She offers a half-hearted handshake, which Seth takes.... but as Steph walks away, Rollins is definitely perplexed.

If nothing else, there's the added layer of Authority Uncertainty I was looking for. I approve.

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APOLLO CREWS vs. CHRIS JERICHO (MitB Qualifier)

The backstage attack by Sheamus had even less effect than you might have guessed: not only is Crews here to compete, as scheduled, but he is absolutely not selling any sign of injury as he bounds to the ring.

Conversely, Jericho is sporting about 3 dozen bandaids, selling his pin-cushioning from last night's Asylum Match. As such, Jericho's gameplan is to jumpstart the match and finish quickly. He throws his Dandy Fop Scarf in Crews' face, and then pummels him. That works for about a minute, then Crews fights back with a flurry of his showy power/agility traits.

Heel beatdown kicks in at about the 3 minute mark, and continues in a semi-clunky fashion, as Crews hasn't quite mastered the art of selling in a convincing manner. Whether because of that, or just out of respect for Jericho, we get a 50/50 split on "LETS GO UH POL OH"/"WHY TWO JAY" chants from this point on.

Crews comeback starts when he ducks, causing Jericho to whiff on his doublejump springboard dropkick. From there on out, it's back and forthy End Game stuff. Crews fights out of the Walls, then there appears to be a botch when Crews tries to kip up to avoid a Lionsault, but he stumbled, and Jericho still hits it. D'oh. More back and forthy, and when Jericho lands the Codebreaker, that's all she wrote.

Your Winner: Chris Jericho, via pinfall, in about 8 minutes. So, umm, this was more or less Crews' first match on the main roster where it wasn't just a showcase/semi-squash for him, and it, uhhhh, didn't seem to go too well, to put it politely. Both the sloppiness and the crowd turning on him were noticeable issues. But hey, this means Jericho's STILL not leaving us, and gets to make a rare appearance in the match he invented! I'll take it.

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Backstage: Joey JoJo Shabbadoo Jr. is standing by with Baron Corbin, who brags on his win over Dolph Ziggler... until Ziggler himself shows up and reminds the world that Corbin wouldn't have won a damned thing if not for a dastardly sac-punch.

And then, it kind of went off the rails, as Ziggler issued a challenge to a Technical Wrestling Match, but then Corbin did a whole spiel about how he never watched WWE and dreamt of being a wrestler, he just was really good at beating people up and decided to start getting paid for it. He mocked Dolph's obsession with "wrestling" and never came close to accepting a "technical wrestling" match.

So Ziggler started talking again, and declared, "Alright, then I'll see you next week in a Technical Wrestling Match." The hell? It was a backstage pretape, so if somebody botched lines, they could have/should have done it over, right? But they let that air, as was, even though it was two guys talking in each other's general direction, rather than two people actually conversing. A lot of time, that's the fault of the ham-fisted writer monkeys, who suck at dialogue that sounds like real people; but this awkwardness had the stink of failed delivery on it, for some reason.

Seven Enzo Army: Big Cass is gonna be in action, but in his corner? Enzo Amore is back, baby! To celebrate, Enzo waits out the "Seven Nation Army" chant, and then amazes the masses with his gift of gab, before finally letting Cass deliver the spelling lesson. It's good to have Enzo back, seemingly none the worse for wear after his scary injury.

Cass vs. Bubba is next...

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BIG CASS (w/ Enzo) vs. BUBBA DUDLEY (w/ Devon)

Given that Cass has single-handedly dealt with both Dudleys, a one-on-one match isn't exactly a source of great drama. But Enzo's presence livens things up. Devon's first attempt at interference leads to Bubba's ultra-abbreviated heel beatdown.

But Devon's second attempt leads to Enzo getting physical and handing Devon's ass to him. Bubba pauses to register his disapproval with this turn of events, and as a result, he walks into a Big Boot. Cass follows up with the Empire Elbow. FIN.

Your Winner: Big Cass, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. Enzo's back, which is fun. But otherwise, nothing much to see here.

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CHARLOTTE BEATS A DEAD HORSE (note: OO is not making a joke at Ric Flair's expense, but is merely using "Dead Horse" in its common metaphorical form, as in "Charlotte Makes Her Point, But Then Keeps Talking For 5 More Minutes to the Point of Sucking")

We're told this is gonna be Charlotte's "State of the Women's Division" Address, now that she's dispatched Nattie. But first, Ric Flair hijacks the interview to tell us all how proud he is of Charlotte, and it's not just what she's accomplished since winning the title, it's the amazing person she's been her entire life. He says ever since Charlotte was a kid, everything she touched, everything she tried, she mastered it. She's just that special.

It seems a genuine and sincere moment, and there are even a few cheers.

So of course, after Charlotte and Dana Brooke have a brief moment of mutual admiration, Charlotte turns the tables, and says that Ric is hallucinating, because he can't actually remember anything from when Charlotte was a kid. Because he was never there, he was out wrestling, and Charlotte only ever saw him on TV.

"So cut the lies and the manipulation, dad: you were a terrible dad, and contrary to whatever you think, this women's title has NOTHING to do with you. You were never there when I needed you, dad. And now that I don't need you, you keep hanging around to sponge off your successful daughter. Well guess what, dad? It's been a long time coming, so here it is: GET OUT OF MY RING!"

Then after what would have been a perfectly serviceable punchline, Charlotte kept talking for another 5 minutes. I'm sure there exist people who think this was a value-add, but for my tastes, it went from being a fairly compelling bit of family drama to an overwrought and phoney bit of melodrama, in which Charlotte went past "how a normal human acts" at Warp 8, in order to become a trailer park/Springer-esque caricature of bitchiness. And for me, that dog won't hunt. Your mileage may vary, though. Especially if you are a regular viewer of any "reality" TV show.

The upshot is that Flair leaves the ring in tears, while Charlotte sings the "Na na na nah, Hey hey hey, Goodbye" song. The fans seem to think it went on a bit long, too, as they are booing less loudly now than they did earlier in Charlotte's promo.

Sadly, the fact of the matter is that however bad and cheesy this became, it'll still be easily manipulated into a strong highlight package, by only showing the good parts. I wish WWE would show an interest in making all segments good in real time, but they seem to view the week-to-week shows as "disposable," and fans will forget about most of it, and will only remember the 3 minute version of every major storyline that appears before a PPV. Ergo: who cares if this segment sped past the part where it was good and entered the realm of the cringe-worthy? Whee.

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DEAN AMBROSE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER (MitB Qualifying Match)

The announcers play up the special Technical Match between Ziggler and Corbin, slated for next week, even though Corbin failed to connect those dots during his backstage spiel. With that in mind, Ziggler comes out of the gate trying to show off a more technical side.

As an added bonus, that means the entire affair with Ambrose is more gentlemanly than it might otherwise be, meaning fans are not required to pick between the two babyfaces. It all leads up to a stalemate, after Ziggler exits the ring, Ambrose lines up for a suicide dive, Ziggler sidesteps, and Ambrose bails on the move at the last second.

A staredown takes place, as WWE decides to break for...

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Back, and Ambrose is in command, which I guess makes him the narrative heel. Makes sense, since a lunatic probably doesn't care so much about whether fans cheer for him or not.

Ambrose's offensive builds up to him hitting the suicide dive that he aborted just before the break. When Ambrose followed up with his standing elbow, however, Ziggler hooked him and rolled through into a pinning combo. Ambrose kicked out, but Ziggler immediately hit him with the Fameasser for a second close call near fall.

Then, after a whip, both men went for a crossbody, and the mid-ring collision resulted in both hitting the mat. The ref applied a double count, with both men getting up at 7. Ziggler had the initial advantage, but that turned around when Ambrose fell back into the ropes and hit a rebound clothesline. But then, AMbrose tried a top rope move, only to get caught in mid-air by a dropkick.

Ziggler got a Stinger Splash, but his attempt to follow up with a turnbuckle mount-and-punch was cut short when Ambrose shoved him off. They did a quick back and forth grapple in the middle of the ring, and Ziggler seemed to be set up for the Zig Zag... but Ambrose blocked, and countered into Dirty Deeds.

Your Winner: Dean Ambrose, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Ambrose is probably #1 on my board, in terms of likely MitB Winners (his win would start aligning all the pieces for a Shield 3-way feud over the WWE Title, which could easily headline WM33), so the win isn't a surprise.... but the clean, decisive win (even as they attempted to boost Ziggler's profile for an allegedly "big" match against Corbin next week) was a bit surprising. Then again, aren't we internet fans supposed to get insta-boners when matches actually end cleanly, when we were expecting a schmozz?

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Prefatory Matters: AJ Styles wants to talk about last night before taking care of business tonight in his MitB qualifer. He gets boos for saying that Reigns is the real deal, and that Reigns earned his respect. That said, Reigns still ain't "Phenomenal," and he caught some breaks last night. Specifically, if it weren't for the Uso and Gallows & Anderson, Styles would have beat Reigns in the middle of the ring.

Hmmmm, lumping G&A in with the Usos? Foreshadowing much?

But AJ switches up before we can dwell on that. He says he welcomes tonight's match against Kevin Owens, and says that he'll take care of business, and he'll do it on his own, and he'll get another shot at....

If you didn't catch Styles mention of doing it on his own, that's on you. But Gallows and Anderson heard it, and that makes TWICE that Styles insinuated that G&A are a liability.... so here come Gallows and Anderson to speak their mind.

They recount the many times they've had Styles' back. Styles says he never asked for that, he never really needed any help, but he still appreciated it, because it was always friends looking out for friends. G&A respond by saying Styles needed all the help that he could get, and wouldn't have walked away from a few barfights if not for G&A. They accuse him of changing since he got to WWE, and as a result, he's lost sight of the fact that he might not even have gotten a shot at Roman Reigns if not for G&A.

Styles finally gets a little salty, and instead of talking sense, he just says "You guys need to separate business from our friendship. I'm doing my thing, and it's great that you're here doing your thing. But the fact that those are two different things doesn't mean we aren't still brothers." AJ holds up the Clique Fingers, but G&A refuse to return the salute.

Instead, they accuse Styles of trying to Big League them, and they can't be brothers with someone who treats them like garbage. AJ responds by saying that if they aren't partners, and if they aren't friends, then there's officially no reason for 3 of them to ever be in the same ring.

G&A obviously take umbrage, but since Styles is the one with a match coming up next, they are the ones who have to leave. But somehow, I suspect we haven't heard the last from them....

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AJ STYLES vs. KEVIN OWENS (MitB Qualifying Match)

If Ambrose is #1 on my board in terms of winning MitB, then these two are #2 and #3.... but because of this pairing, only one will make it into the match. D'oh.

Early stages of the match are a delightful clash of styles (no pun intended). AJ does all the flashy crowd pleasing stuff, but then Owens snuffs out the flurry with a purposely low-risk hold. Flippy dropkick? Owens grabs the headlock! Big wacky suicide dive? Kev-o will gladly move out of the way, jump into the ring, get a running start, tease that he's gonna do a plancha or something, and then just stop running, roll out of the ring, and hit a simple clothesline.

Like I said, delightful. Used judiciously -- and in a self-aware manner -- trips to Chinlock City can actually be fun. Impeach Mayor Orton! All Hail Mayor Owens!

Anyway, after that fake-out into the clothesline, Owens is in the ring, jawing with Cole and fans at ringside, while Styles is in a heap on the floor. In other words, it's time for our final....

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Bck, and Owens is in control. The match almost immediately goes outside, where Owens sets up to powerbomb Styles onto the ring steps. But Styles manages to block it and ram Owen's kidneys into the ring apron.

Back in the ring, it's basically a reset, as they're both woozy, and start trading punches. This breaks in AJ's favor, and he strings together a few moves, leading to a killer inverted faceplant powerbomb for a convincing near fall. But when Styles tries a springboard back elbow, Owens catches him and turns it into a big German that sends Styles careening all the way into the opposite turnbuckle. Owens follows up with a cannonball, but Styles kicks out of the subsequent cover.

Another grapple, and this time, Styles manages to counter a suplex with a German of his own. Styles with a flash enzuigiri into a cradle backbreaker for a near fall. But AJ is slow to follow up, and so Owens is able to catch him with a kick, followed up by a modified neckbreaker. Only gets a 2 count.

Owens goes to the top rope, but Styles is able to catch him. Both men wind up on top, jockeying for position, and Owens wins it. He headbutts Styles to the mat, and then goes for his doublejump moonsault.... but Styles moves, and Owens lands hard.

Styles chance to go high risk, and for him, it pays off, in the form of a springboard 450 splash. Wow. But Owens is able to kick out, and roll out of the ring. AJ lines him up for another dive, but Owens moves and Styles aborts. Instead, Styles exits the ring and stalks Owens.... but Owens is setting a trap, and turns it into a modified cat-and-mouse spot, catching Styles with a clothesline, and then successfully powerbombing him onto the ring steps.

Owens gets back into the ring, and makes it clear that he's happy to take a count-out win.... but Styles does not oblige. Styles into the ring at 9, and instead of immediately pouncing, Owens pitches a mini-hissy fit.... when he heads over to grab Styles, AJ surprises him with a Pele Kick.

Owens is down and out, apparently, so AJ exits the ring and lines up for the springboard forearm.... but Owens was playing possum again, and as soon as Styles springs, Owens leaps up and knocks his legs out, causing AJ to crotch himself on the top rope. Owens doesn't give Styles even amoment to regain his breath. He just yanks AJ back into the ring, and hits the pop-up powerbomb.

Your Winner: Kevin Owens, via pinfall, in about 12 minutes. Definitely a good match, although noticeably on the short side. Just when they hit top gear, and got the first "THIS IS AWE SOME" chant, the match ended about 90 seconds later. Obviously, as a fan, I'm feeling greedy after the multiple 20 minute epics last night, but there IS a significant contrast between the ride you're taken on in 20 minutes vs. the one you're taken on in a 12 minute match that includes 2 minutes of commercials.... even if the contrast is more noticeable because o fthe less-than-24-hours distance between the two experiences, that doesn't change the fact that the differences do exist, and WWE isn't fooling anybody.

I digress. It was still solid, and given the storyline development with Gallows and Anderson, it's definitely the right play to advance Owens to MitB, while freeing up Styles to deal with other matters.

Announcers play up how it was a difficult 24 hours for Styles, while Owens celebrates his win as we fade to black.....

And so ends the show... and to bring back the schtick that I was doing basically exactly one year ago, it was adequate, and Bill McNeal would revel in its adequasivity. Also, it's adequachulance. To say nothing of its adequadaquaticism.

It wasn't bad, and in a lot of ways, each individual segment made sense and served a purpose.... but at the same time, it had a feel of a CBS procedural, the kind of show that your parents watch, because they are easy and stick to simple rules and formats. Tonight, WWE decided to fill up the Money in the Bank ladder match, and basically just went through the motions in 5 matches, 3 of which were just there, 1 of which did actually register as pretty good, and 1 of which was a clunker.

Technically, this counts as forward progress. But in the absence of anything resembling a major story development (outside of Shane making Reigns/Rollins), and in the absence of some (or even one) of those qualifiers getting 20 minutes to be awesome, there just wasn't any real joy or zazz tonight. "OK, we all know MitB is coming up. We know we need 8 guys. Everybody can probably figure out 6 of them without trying. So let's just do this and get it over with." That's how it felt, instead of feeling like a show where there were majorly high stakes or serious repercussions or any reason to get invested.

Maybe your mileage will vary, and you had a more enjoyable takeaway than I did... but at the end of the day, I can't point to a whole lot of memorably good stuff (Rollins, and maybe Owens/Styles), but I also can't make very many criticisms that would stick (the second half of Charlotte's promo, and maybe Crews' effort). So HUZZAH, five out of 8 participants for MitB are set; but we all could have picked all 5 of those with great accuracy, so really, WWE could have just handed those guys "Automatic Bids" and spent the show doing something, you know?, interesting, and it might have been a better move.

I dunno... trying something interesting can also result in unmitigated sucktitude when WWE and the writer monkeys try it, so giving them the week off to just play it safe, and deliver the adequacy, isn't the end of the world. But it's also the end of WWE's string of B-or-better final grades for RAW.

If ever there was a show that was a better example of what a C looks like, I don't know what it is. C it is.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.