Powered by LiquidWeb Search all of OO for news, columnists, and articles about your favorites!

 
News  -/-  Recaps  -/-  Columns  -/-  Features  -/-  Reference  -/-  Archives  -/-  Interact  -/-  Site Info

 

Donate to Online Onslaught!
CLICK HERE TO HELP KEEP OO ALIVE!
MAIN PAGE
NEWS
     Daily Onslaught
RECAPS
     RAW
     SmackDown!
     PPV
     NWA-TNA
     Heat
     Velocity
     Other 
COLUMNS
     Obtuse Angle
     RAW Satire
     The Broad
         Perspective

     Inside the Ropes
     OOld Tyme
         Rasslin' Revue
    
Circa/Dungeon 
     Title Wave
    
Crashing the
         Boards

     Deconstruction
     Smarky Awards
     Big in Japan
     Guest Columnists
     2 Out of 3 Falls
     Devil's Due
     The Ring
     The Little Things
     Timeline
    
SK Rants
    
The Mac Files
     Sq'd Circle Jerk
     TWiFW
FEATURES
     RAW vs. SD!:
         Brand Battle
 
     Cheap Heat 
     Year in Review
     Monday Wars
     Road to WM 

     Interviews
REFERENCE
     Title Histories
     Real Names
     PPV Results
     Smart Glossary
     Birthdays 
ARCHIVES 
INTERACT
     Message Boards
     Live Chat 
SITE INFO
     Contact
     OO History

If you attend a live show, or have any other news for us, just send an e-mail to this address!  We'd also love to hear from you if you've got suggestions or complaints about the site...  let us have it!


 
OO RAW RECAP
Cena's Back, and Other Stuff, Too
December 28, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

 

So Christmas didn't go quite as planned for the Scaia Clan. But it did happen, at about half-strength, which is still lots better than last year. And hell, at one point last Tuesday, it seemed like the entire holiday might be in danger of indefinite delay.
 
But then, it came back together, and fun was had by all.
 

Particularly notable: scratch-off lotto tickets are a family tradition. Specifically, the entire family getting about $20 worth of scratch-offs, each, only to have the sum of our winnings be about $17. I'm not sure why we do it, but it's something passed down from my grandfather on my mom's side.
 
But this year was different! I scratched off three matching $25 icons, which on its own would have been the first time I won more than $10 on a single card.... but this card had a secondary game: scratch off another section, and you have a small chance of doubling the prize, and a slim chance of double-doubling it (quadrupling, but they insisted on saying it's a "Double Doubler").
 
Well, I quadrupled that $25. One hundred smackers! I won Christmas! About damned time! Suck it, Ohio Lottery! At least, until next year, when you once again treat the Scaia Family to an $80 net loss.
 
Also: I got the Owen Hart DVD, and I can't reccomend it highly enough. It's WWE's standard bang-up job of a career retrospective, but to me, it felt way more compelling and special, just because there's been such a tight lockdown on Owen Footage (due to WWE honoring Martha Hart's preference, as a personal courtesy, even though they were legally permitted to use Owen's footage as they please, so long as they paid royalties to his family). You could hunt and peck on the Network to find individual matches and stuff, but there's just never been an easily accessible treasure trove of Owen-y goodness until now.
 
I know Owen meant more to Martha and their kids than he meant to any of us, individually.... but collectively, Owen's legacy with wrestling fans is mighty, and so I'm glad WWE finally broke down and put this together. By being mostly absent from a lot of retrospectives, Owen's never quite gotten his due, I don't think. For his memory, it's great that the world now has an easy go-to place to be reminded that he was an incredible performer, and probably an even better human being.
 
And selfishly, the hours upon hours of supplemental footage besides the documentary part will provide me with tons of entertainment and joy, too. Best WWE home video project of 2015, hands-down.
 
But while WWE saved the best for last on home video, will the same be said for the final RAW of 2015? Let's find out:
 
Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc, and we're live in Brooklyn, NY, where John Cena is slated to return to action after a 2 month hiatus. Cole & The Gang make sure we know all about it, and also the fact that Cena is getting his rematch for the US Title, later tonight, against Alberto del Rio. But before we get to that major hook, we're kicking off with WWE's other significant issue....

ACTING, ACTOR, ACTEST~!

Vince McMahon is on his way to the ring, where he elicits boos for telling us all about his dental surgery, that caused him to miss last week. But now, he's back, and he's gonna get caught up on a piece of business that he should have dealt with two weeks ago... so to that end,  he demands that Roman Reigns come on down to the ring.

ANd sure enough, the WWE Champ comes on out through the crowd, and we proceed to watch a full 3 minutes of "highlights" from last week. I assure you, even cut down and edited together for the most cogent narrative focus, it's still pretty terrible. Not quite as terrible as it was live, in real time, last Monday, but still not good. But that didn't stop them from playing 3 minutes of it.

Once we resume actual value-added first-run content, Vince starts lecturing Reigns about how he's made some bad choices. Punching the chairman, assaulting Triple H, insulting Stephanie.... these things have consequences, because Reigns may be the WWE Champ, but this is Vince's ring, that's Vince's belt, and Reigns is just enjoying the benefits of working for the company that Vince created.

At this point, the crowd has lost interest, and enjoys some "DAN YIL BRY YAN" and "SEE EM PUNK" chants, while Vince takes us on a trip down memory lane, reminding us that Reigns is not the first member of his family to work for the company that Vince created. Specifically, Vince reminds us of Reign's dad and uncle, the Wild Samoans.  Vince brags that he worked the Samoans, 7 days a week, until they were all used up, and he paid them peanuts, because that's what Roman's people are worth. They are cattle, and nothing more, while Vince is the rancher who gives their existence meaning.

The whole thing had a mildly racist subtext, but I guess racism is OK as long as it's coming from a bad guy. Regardless, this is enough to get under Reigns' skin, and he reaches out to grab Vince by the suit coat.... Vince instantly drops to the mat, claiming a serious neck injury. Uh huh.

Adding to the lame cheesiness, Stephanie waits until her music and titantron hit before coming out to check on her dad. Instead of calling for trainers or medics, she calls for security, too. So she's joined by NYPD, and she orders them to arrest Reigns.

They decline, saying they saw no significant crime committed, and they're here to work security, not be Steph's personal police department. That causes Steph to start melting down, so the cops tell her to settle down, or else SHE might get arrested. As a result, Vince magically recovers, gets to his feet, and tells Steph to back down, and he'll handle this. He does so by threatening the cops unless they do as his daughter asks.

Predictably, the cops are having none of that happy crappy, and tell Vince to calm down, or else. So Vince shoves one of the cops. He gets arrested, and is dragged out of the ring in handcuffs, while Steph shrieks nonsensically to end the segment.

Ummmmm, I just don't have the energy.... but those last 3 paragraphs took about 7 minutes of TV time to play out, and were just complete and utter garbage by which all involved should be deeply embarrassed. This kind of phoney-ass, dipshitted, audience-insulting cheese just has no place on my TV in the Year of Our Lord 2015. The day when watching McMahons massively over-act and get into humiliating situations constituted a valid form of entertainment came and went a long time ago.
 
And that's really all this was: Vince and Steph getting increasingly loud, shouty, and fake, leading to an "arrest" that might have gotten a cheap pop out of a fringe portion of the audience, but which was mostly not very convincing. How many shitty "arrests" is WWE gonna keep doing despite the viewing audience having voted against them, resoundingly?

[ads]

Moments Ago, and During the Break: First, they actually have the gall to replay large chunks of the preceeding awfulness, and then they add some new stuff to the manure pile, as we see Vince put into a police car, while Steph screams idiotic drivel about police brutality, because somebody must have told Vince that was a hot button issue, and he decided WWE was specially equipped to provide a pop culture commentary on it. Oy.

NEVILLE vs. KEVIN OWENS

Bell rings, there's a quick exchange, Neville hits a flash enzuigiri, and goes up top, teasing a Red Arrow.... but Owens doesn't stay down, catches Neville, and sets up for a Pop-Up Powerbomb. But Neville counters and turns it into a flash roll-up. And that's that? Yep, that's that.

Your Winner: Neville, via pinfall, in 40 seconds. OK, so the story here is that Neville -- who won the Slammy for Breakout Star of the Year -- just beat Owens -- who was the real breakout star of the year. Maybe that'll lead to a worthwhile match down the line. BUt this wasn't anything.

After the Match: Owens beat the ever-loving shit out of Neville for several minutes until refs finally broke it up.

[ads]

The Aftermath: refs are helping Neville to the back, because he cannot stand under his own power. He's just at the foot of the ramp when all of a sudden the crowd perks up and starts cheering again.... it's because Owens has come back out, and wants some more Neville. He continues the assault for another minute or so, until Dean Ambrose runs out for the save.

It's an abbreviated brawl, but as soon as Ambrose is solidly in command, Owens decides to bail. He leaves through the crowd, while Ambrose dares him to come back and fight like a man.

[ads]

Backstage: Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo Jr. is standing by with Becky Lynch. The subject: tonight, Becky is facing Sasha Banks, who will be flanked by Team BAD.... but Becky will be all by herself, because Charlotte has taken the night off, to give Becky a chance to "prove herself," just like Charlotte knows Becky wants. [While this reeks of heelish passive-aggression for the sake of the storyline, in reality, Charlotte is working a house show, with WWE doing a rare split-crew double-shot on a Monday.] Becky says it's OK, because she's used to going it on her own, and hey.... maybe she won't be so alone, because she used to live a stone's throw from Barclay's and tended bar right around the corner, so she hopes to maybe have Brooklyn in her corner.

BECKY LYNCH vs. SASHA BANKS (w/ Naomi and Tamina)

A bit of heel mic work from Sasha, on her way to the ring. Because if Becky can suck up to NYC, then Sasha can rile them up by reminding them that she's from (eeewwwwwwwwwww) Boston.

Back and forth feeling-out process to start, with a vibe that this is the slow start to what is laid out to be a longer match.... let's see if that comes to pass. The Brooklyn crowd would be a good one to react well to such a match, and out of the gate, they demonstrate where their heads are at, by chanting "EN EX TEE." Brooklyn was a key part of turning Bayley/Sasha into a show-stealer in August, and Sasha and Becky had an eye opening match match at the May Takeover event, so all the pieces are in place.

Becky starts winning the early exchanges, so BAD leap into action; Tamina distracts the ref, while Naomi blindsides Becky.... but that only serves to fire up the Lass Kicker. She decimates out all three women outside the ring, and then goes up top. A tope rope to the floor crossbody takes out all of Team BAD. Break in the action means we break for....

[ads]

Back, and Becky is still in control. That continues for another minute or so, until she decides to take it to the top rope, again. This time, it backfires, as Sasha catches her, and clotheslines Becky's arm over the top rope. Thus begins the heel beatdown segment, in which Sasha has Becky's shoulder in her crosshairs, softening it up for the Banks Statement.

Sadly, this Brooklyn crowd is not the same kind of crowd NXT had in August, as audible "BORING" chants break out as Sasha works the arm. Such is life when John Cena's return is the main reason why half the crowd bought tickets.

Becky starts a real comeback, and the other half of the crowd perks up. Becky's best chance for a win comes after failed interference from Naomi and Tamina (instead, Sasha collides with them).... but if once you don't succeed, try, try again. Team BAD regrouped and redid the interference, and this time, it worked.

Naomi hit a big kick on Becky, and Sasha hit the backstabber.... but she could not roll it into the Banks Statement. Becky blocked it, and picked the wrist, with designs on the Disarmer... but Sasha had it scouted, and rolled through into a pinning combo. Sasha added a huge handful of tights, and got the three.

Your Winner: Sasha Banks, via pinfall, in damned near 15 minutes. Not a classic, or anything, but very good, and better than the crowd gave it credit for. The kiddies and the dumdums who have assembled for Cena just aren't gonna get into it, and the other half of the audience canceled each other out, because Sasha is the Wanker Favorite, but also the heel, so nobody could agree on anything.... and I'm begining to suspect that terrible opening segment took the wind out of their sails to some degree, too.... well, whatever, what's done is done. Good match, with the storyline takeaway being the Becky lost without Charlotte's help, which Charlotte is sure to remind her of.

Horseshit: Renee Young has followed Vince to the police station. We get to see his mugshot, which is allegedly hilarious. But otherwise, it's a zero value add segment in which you mostly just felt sorry for Renee Young, who was forced to treat this like a legit breaking news story.

[ads]

KALISTO (w/ Sin Cara) vs. KOFI KINGSTON (w/ Big E and Eggsavier Woods)

Prematch mic work by New Day consists of them asking the crowd if they'd like a song. Of course they would! Well, tough lucky, Brooklyn, because if they want to be entertained, maybe they should go ask their beloved Slammy Winning Usos for a song.... no Slammy, no song!

Quick match, no real flow. Just some nice spots, then New Day interference backfires and Sin Cara holds them at bay while Kalisto scores a flash pin.

Your WInner: Kalisto, via pinfall, in 3 minutes flat. Whee?

After the Match: Woods grabs a mic, and gets all hot and bothered, claiming that if not for Sin Cara's meddling, the outcome would have been different.... so he has a challenge for Sin Cara: if you want to get invovled, why don't you get in this ring and face..... nope, not Woods. Instead, he issues the challenge on behalf of E. Both E and Sin Cara are down, and that match will be coming up after these....

[ads]

SIN CARA (w/ Kalisto) vs. BIG E (w/ Woods and Kingston)

Match is joined in progress, with Big E working the Abdominal Clap. As E continues the beatdown, Woods and Kofi are providing their own alternate commentary (not mic'd), because they don't think Cole & The Gang are doing a good enough job of singing Big E's praises.

After a particularly rough bump on the floor, Sin Cara is in trouble, and the ref calls for trainers to check on him. It's his shoulder; the trainer takes his sweet time before clearing him to continue, and during the lull, the afforementioned less-discriminating half of the audience actually gets bored with New Day's antics, and starts chanting "WE WANT SEE NA." Ugh. THe other half chant back "NO WE DON'T," but my point about this being an unusually ill-educated Brooklyn audience is made.

Big E resumes toying with Sin Cara, with various trombone flourishes, but when Sin Cara dodges a corner charge, Big E hits the ring post, and Sin Cara gets a nice rally. The capper is Sin Cara hitting a top rope rolling senton on Big E, which is just impressive as all hell, especially if he really did have a bad shoulder (the break in the action was awkward enough to make it seem real, but then Sin Cara continued as if nothing was really that wrong).

But then the New Day distracted Sin Cara, and before you know it: Big Ending.

Your Winner: Big E, via pinfall, in about 5 minutes of televised action.  Actually pretty solid, with a lot crammed in. Wouldn't have expected E/Cara to be better than Kofi/Kalisto, but here you go. Not earth-shattering or anything, mind you. But just a good example of how to do a throwaway TV Special that doesn't feel like a total waste of time.

[ads]

MIZ'S YEAR IN REVIEW RETROSPECTIVE

As we return from commercials, Miz is settled into his director's chair, and starts reflecting on THe Year That Was. When he starts by taking us back to January 1, 2015, reflecting upon his New Year's Resolutions, it's clear that Miz is intent to spend a good 30 seconds on each of the year's 365 days, and nobody has time for that nonsense.

So Ryback's music hits, and he says the Big Guy is always hungry, but he's had his fill of MizTV, so it's time to shut 'er down.

Then Goldust's music hits, and he rhetorically asks if this is the year Miz wins various awards, ending with a query about how Miz might like some "Golden Globes" (Goldust's name for his patented crotch kick).

Then Zack Ryder's music hits, and he says stuff. Then Miz takes us back to January 2.

Then R-Truth's music hits, and he comes out to encourage all the fans to vote for him as Superstar of the Year (continuing his schtick of not entirely knowing where he is). Miz wants to take us back to January 3.

Then Heath Slater's music hits, who doesn't even get to say anything. He's immediately interrupted by Big Show's music. Slater tries to get in Big Show's face.... so Big Show hits the KO Punch, and the ring clears.

Well, except for Ryback and R-Truth. Ryback seems interested in a fight, but Truth? Not so much: Truth KO punches himself, thinking it will allow him to escape. But it doesn't. Show picks him up and chokeslams him out of the ring.

But then Show and Ryback go nose to nose, and start throwing hands. Advantage: Big Show. Show destroys Ryback, and grabs a mic. He tries to coax a "Please Retire" chant out of the crowd, but they're not really playing along. Regarldess, Show says he has no plans on quitting. Instead, he declares that he's entering the 2016 Royal Rumble, and he has every intention to win it, and go on to WrestleMania and win the WWE Title and shove it up all our.... well, you get the idea..

[ads]

RYBACK vs. BIG SHOW

This is an impromptu match, demanded by Ryback during the ad break. Big Show grudgingly consented, and the story is he just picked up where he left off, with Ryback fighting from behind the 8-ball.

Slow, methodical slobberknocker offense for a couple minutes, but as soon as Ryback shows signs of life, Show walks out on the match. Because he didn't really want to be in this match to begin with, and he'll save it for the Rumble.

Your Winner: Ryback, via count out, in about 3 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened.

[ads]

DEAN AMBROSE & THE USOS vs. SHEAMUS/RUSEV/KING BARRETT

On his way to the ring, Sheamus does some mic work, kissing up to Vince McMahon, and dedicating their performance to him.

The faces take turns, and have their way with Sheamus for a few minutes. But after a bail-out and regroup, Sheamus gets a tag to Rusev.... and after a few exchanges, the tide turns as Rusev hip tosses Jimmy Uso, and Jimmy lands awkwardly in the turnbuckle, twisting his knee.

[ads]

Back, and the LoN are now firmly in charge isolating on Jimmy's left knee. "THIS IS BORE RING" says Brooklyn. So somebody makes the call, and Jimmy almost immediately gets the hot tag to Dean Ambrose.

Errr, make that Lukewarm Tag. THere's barely any audible response to Ambrose's heat sequence. Ambrose hits his Standing Elbow on Rusev, and calls for the Dirty Deeds.... but Sheamus breaks it up, and with that, both legal men are down, and so we break for....

[ads]

Back, and the bored crowd is doing the wave. And then, they're chanting "We Are Awesome." No, you were kind of annoying. Then you chanted THAT. Now, you are awful.

But again, the guys don't linger, and Ambrose rpetty quickly gets a tag to Jey Uso. Nice flurry of moves for Jey, but when it breaks down into a Pier Sixer, the LoN gets the better of it, and Sheamus is able to land a Brogue Kick for the pin.

Your Winners: the League of Nations, via pinfall, in about 15 minutes. Far from an epic, but quite solid, regardless of what the terrible live crowd says. Also, a much needed decisive win for the League of Nations after they looked so shitty last week.

After the Match: Kevin Owens ran out and attacked Ambrose. The fight was one sided, since Ambrose had already been beaten down, and had no help from the Usos. It ended with Owens powerbombing Ambrose through the announce table. Good night for Owens: he lost a 30 match to Neville, but proceeded to deliver two convincingly ultra-violent beatdowns to two different beloved babyfaces.

[ads]

Earlier Today: The Rock made it official.... he will be appearing at WrestleMania 32. Doubtful it's in a match, but WWE's definitely getting the word out early, so who knows? It's gonna have to be some kind of significant pre-announced bit, now, not one of his unannounced walk-ons like the past few years....

At the Police Station: Renee Young reports that Vince has posted bail, and with Steph fending off cameras and trying to provide cover, Vince exits the building and dives into a waiting limo.

He's Back: John Cena hits the ring, and while he's got a title match coming up, first, he wants to say a few words. An enthusiastically mixed crowd greets him with a good ol' game of "LET'S GO CENA"/"CENA SUCKS." Cena says he's not sure, but he doesn't think Alberto del Rio has defended the US Title even ONCE on RAW. But in 2015, Cena defended that belt every week. And he can't wait to get back to doing that.

But tonight won't be that night, because Cena reveals that ADR is refusing to defend the title tonight in Brooklyn. The hell? I wasn't exactly champing at the bit for a Cena title win, but since when does the company spend a week promising a title match, and then let the champion arbitrarily decide not to have one? Inanity, they name is WWE.

Enter the League of Nations. Alberto has a mic and says that however pissed off Cena is, he better get used to it, because ADR is smart, and he's the champ, so he calls the shots. He knows Cena gets a rematch at some point, but not here in Brooklyn in front of these worthless gringos. Various insults are bandied about, about lack of testicles and so forth, and despite the bludgeoning obviousness of it all, ADR falls for the cheap tactic, and puts the title back on the line.

So, WWE just spent 10 minutes trying to trick us into thinking we wouldn't be getting a promised match, only to give it back to us, as if we should be grateful to have it, and in the process, they made Alberto del Rio look like one of the dumbest human being alive. None of these things is a valid use of TV time.

[ads]

RIP Lemmy: Lemmy Kilmister, of Motorhead, passed away today. For the past 15 years, he's also been inextricably tied to WWE and Triple H's career, and so WWE presents a mini-tribute. Man, I had no idea he was 70! Always had Lemmy/Motorhead pegged as a lock for the "celebrity wing" of the WWE HoF.... sucks it'll have to be done posthumously, now, if it ever happens.

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. JOHN CENA (US Title Match)

Not only is the title on the line, but ADR also ordered the League of Nations to leave ringside, all thanks to Cena's juvenile taunts. I doubt it will last, but it only adds to how stupid ADR looks in all this.

Opening minutes are all Alberto, playing on the notion that Cena's dealing with some ring rust. About 3 minutes in, ADR goes for the Bossman Straddle, but Cena moves out of the way, and ADR crashes and burns. With both guys down, we break for....

[ads]

Back, and Cena snaps off a suplex, but can't follow up. ADR hits a flash enzuigiri, and goes up top.... but when he leaps, Cena catches him in mid-air with a standing dropkick. NOW Cena has some traction, and strings together a bunch of moves, leading up to the Five Knuckle Shuffle.

Cena calls for the F-U, del Rio counters with a backstabber. Del Rio steps back for a low concussor kick. Cena ducks it, picks the ankle, and goes for the SSTF. Del Rio fights out and calls for the cross armbreaker.... back and forth grapple, and Cena hits a Tornado DDT for a near fall.

Both men slow to get to their feet. Cena up first, sets up for the F-U, but ADR smooth counters into the cross armbreaker. Cena powers out, doing that one-arm deadlift escape. Cena tries for the F-U for a third time. ADR grabs the top rope, and Cena yanks hard to get him to release.... and in so doing, ADR's legs whip around and take out the ref.

Ref down. Cena cinches the SSTF, and ADR taps out, but no ref. The League of Nations runs out. It's a chaotic mess, with Cena actually fighting them off... he even hits the F-U on Sheamus. But the distraction finally allows ADR to hit another Backstabber. Ref slowly crawls over and makes a count....

Cena kicks out at 2. ADR sets up for another cross armbreaker, but Cena hoists him up and hits the F-U. The ref is right there, in position, but before he can count, the League of Nations swarm and get DQ'd.

Your Winner: John Cena, via disqualification, in about 10 minutes. Cena wins, but ADR retains. Which is about what I was expecting. So predictable, but solidly worked, I thought. Then again, if you're judging it against their previous match at HitC, in which Cena appeared to be sleepwalking through it, anything would be a step up. Definitely had the crowd buying in, too, once it hit End Game and the false finishes.
 
After the Match: the LoN continue with a 4-on-1 beatdown. The Usos run out, first, but are not quite enough to be difference makers. So sure enough, here comes Roman Reigns to save the day. Before you know it, everybody's powdered out, except Roman and Sheamus.
 
Sheamus has a steel chair, which he thinks gives him the advantage.... but nope. As Sheamus winds up to swing, he gives Reigns just enough room to land a Superman Punch. Reigns is now standing alone in the ring, starting to celebrate...
 
Which is when Vince's music hits, and he walks out onto the stage. He says he's gonna sue the NYPD, he's gonna sue each and every one of the fans, and yadda yadda yadda.... but he has a special plan for our precious WWE Champion, Roman Reigns.
 
You see, Roman Reigns is going to defend his title next Monday on RAW, against #1 Contender Sheamus. Oh, and the special referee? It's gonna be Vince, himself.
 
Vince lets the reveal land, and neither Reigns nor the fans seem exactly pleased by this twist. Then, it just gets weird, as Vince starts wishing people "Happy New Year" over and over again, until somebody in the production truck finally decides there is no punchline coming, so they just randomly fade to black....

And so ends the show... I feel like it's a show that somehow ends up feeling like less than the sum of its parts. And that's the fault of the silly opening segment that just takes you out of the spirit of things, and takes the gloss off the good stuff that followed.
 
Also, that pre-main event promo in which WWE took away our promised main event, gave it back to us, and made ADR look stupid in the process.... that also was infuriatingly dumb, and required half the main event before I was able to wipe it from my mind and just enjoy the match.
 
But mostly, it was the opening segment, which is just so jarringly dated... the "McMahons as bad-actor-ing, over-the-top caricatures who the fans can't wait to see embarassed" thing was tired 12 years ago, and has been in a state of diminishing return ever sicne, no matter how many DX-ings, Hart-ings, head-shavings, and arrests they've kept running out there. It was briefly fresh when Johnny Ace brought his own brand of buffoonery to it, but otherwise, it's a thing that no longer fits in with how the product should be presented.
 
It's just incongruous to try to get all "real" by including cops -- pro wrestling is, by its very nature, a non-stop barrage of assault and battery, and yet, the police are never involved; ergo, when the cops are involved, it must be SUPER REAL AND SERIOUS -- but all while sticking to your guns by presenting Vince and Stephanie as having all the gravitas of Dr. Evil and one of those Sweet 16 girls on MTV.
 
It's these easily-preventable bits of internal contradiction that always set me off on ranty-rants. Wrestling, as a genre, is glorious in how much it can encompass: action, adventure, comedy, drama, music, maybe even a hint of romance.... but within that giant sandbox, there should still be basic rules governing the presentation and providing for quality control. Things like tonight's opening segment seem to suggest nobody's paying particularly close attention to those rules. Instead, it's like "Hey, let's take this one thing and then pair it up with this other thing that is kind of the opposite, and hope that one way or the other, it causes some portion of the audience to have a kneejerk reaction, before they realize how terrible it is."
 
But then I try to let all that vaginal sandification melt away, and RAW had some decent bits... a very nice women's match, and equally solid 6-man tag, Kevin Owens' being a total badass, and an amusing interlude from the New Day and Lucha Dragons. Main event was good, too, albeit with that prefatory promo that warped my fragile little mind with its sheer pointlessness, and it built up to a bona fide strong cliffhanger type ending...
 
I mean, Reigns vs. Sheamus, with Vince as referee? That's basically a de facto no DQ match, with the League of Nations sure to be involved, and even if Reigns gets help, it's been a month since we saw Triple H, and my guess is, it's time for him to return, and if he does, he could very well be the difference maker in terms of a title change. [As I've written multiple times, it seems like Reigns vs. HHH is in the cards, and that is NOT a feud that requires the WWE Title.] Next week could be a pretty big deal, thanks to that revelation...
 
But even as I intellectually acknowledge these perfectly fine individual segments, it doesn't feel like I just watched a show that deserves a final grade of B or B-plus, all because of that Vince Throughline that supplied a shitty opening segment and then with replays and updates peppered throughout the 3 hours to take you out of the mood just as you were starting to forgive and forget. It's almost like I'm violating my own rule of thumb: that the final taste left in your mouth is the most important one. Instead, I'm letting the FIRST taste color my opinions...
 
I dunno.... I'm sitting here, basically arguing with myself, which cannot be healthy. So I'll let my logical and rational side win. This show had more good than bad, and no matter how objectively lame it was, it was still only a 20 minute blip on the radar, and Vince and his jarringly cartoonish ways will be replaced by HHH's more evolved 21st Century version of a villian, and we should be OK. I've talked myself off the ledge. Final grade: B.
 
See you next week, OO Nation, for the first RAW of 2016, where the first whiffs of WrestleMania Season will be in the air! Have a safe and Happy New Year!!!


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 
 
E-MAIL RICK SCAIA

BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.


 

 


All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.