OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
League of No Ones
December 21, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Hey hey hey, it looks like Christmas is coming 3 days early for Dayton Flyer fans!

Our best player -- who was suspended for the first semester under very shady circumstances (he has a lawsuit pending against the University) -- is back with the team, and will be in uniform tomorrow night at the Hated Redhawks of Miami.

This was no sure thing. For a while, there was a lot of concern that Dyshawn Pierre would seek to transfer because of the shoddy treatment... but cooler heads prevailed, and everybody agreed that his fastest route to professional basketball is coming back to finish his senior season here.

That's outstanding, because the Flyers have played over their heads with more wins against top 100 RPI teams (5 of them, including 2 neutral court and 1 true road game) than anybody else in the nation. It's just too bad they did manage to crap the bed against a sub-200 team. D'oh.

But those hiccups won't happen, now, and another NCAA Title Berth is in reach! That makes The Rick a very happy camper here at the onset of two weeks of festivizing!

Tonight, WWE's contribution to the extra frivolity are the annual Slammy Awards, which are increasingly a source for annoyance than an indication of the year's best performances. Let's see which way things go as we remember the Year That Was 2015:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those with ADD: OO does not recap recaps.

WELCOME TO THE SLAMMYS

Instead of the usual opening music and light show, we get the "awards show voiceover guy" welcoming us to the "most prestigious awards show on TV" as we pan across the giant Slammy trophies on the stage.

But then, instead of anything award-related, we just hit Stephanie's music and she hits the ring, and is all smiles. She says she knows we're all confused about why she's happy after last week's happening, what with Roman Reigns winning the WWE Title, and hospitalizing both her husband and her dad.

She says as miserable as last week was, this night is a big night, a night of celebration, and she's gonna keep her chin up, and....

Roman Reigns' music hits, and he comes out through the crowd, WWE Title belt in hand. Steph seems perturbed, but out of the gate, Reigns is playing it smooth. It IS a big night: he's in a good mood, Steph's in a good mood, and we got a new champ to celebrate.

But then he gets serious and says he's sure Steph's got the League of Nations on standby, ready to turn this into a sneak attack, but he just wanted to come out here and make sure everybody knows he doesn't sweat them. He doesn't sweat Old Man Vince, and he sure as hell doesn't sweat Triple H. He then goes on to question HHH's manhood, and Steph snaps and starts yelling at Reigns to leave the ring... he's a piece of trash and he doesn't even deserve the honor of a beatdown, he doesn't deserve to be on her TV show.

So get out of here. Get out of her ring. Get out of her building. Roman just stands there, and declines to leave. Steph busts out the really bad McMahon Over-Acting Gene and starts shrieking at Reigns to leave, dammit. The crowd chants "NO NO NO," so Roman stays. Steph dials it up to 11, going past the Shatner Level of scenery chewing, all while Roman just stands there chuckling.

Then, as the energy peters out, Reigns asks the crowd if they want to see Steph get REALLY mad. They're down. So Reigns turns his back on Steph, and slowly leaves the ring. Steph's reaction? Happy that he's doing exactly what she asked? Nope, even more pissed that he turned his back on her and is now disrespecting her. "GET BACK HERE, DAMMIT, GET IN THIS RING, I'M ORDERING YOU!"

Oy, I get it, Steph is unhinged, but do we really gain anything from the authority figure who is this ridiculous? Anyway, as Roman keeps leaving, Steph reveals that she's gonna punish Roman's "family." The Usos get a non-title match against the New Day, and it's 3-on-2. Also, Dean Ambrose will face Sheamus dotdotdot INSIDE A STEEL CAGE!

OK, so we've set up two strong matches for later on, and established that Stephanie is one of the stupidest people alive. Ten out of 10 for setting table, but minus several million for making me give a shit about the credibility of the person in charge. Unless the whole goal was to troll people like me who don't get into the "fun and over the top caricature work like her dad did" are are all about nitpicky details such as not doing one thing, and then doing the exact opposite thing 90 seconds later. In that case, congratulations for purposely making your product worse for the benefit of an inside joke.

And the Nominees Are: Dolph Ziggler comes out and introduces the Nominee package for Breakout Wrestler of the Year. They are Kevin Owens, Neville, Charlotte, Tyler Breeze, and Braun Strowman.

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And the Winner Is: Neville, which either means the kiddies and marks came out in droves for the voting, or that the fix is in. He gets about a half dozen words in, and then Kevin Owens' music hits. And there's the rightful winner, if the more learned fans had stuffed the ballot box. He blusters about how everybody knows he's the rightful winner. Neville just shakes his head, mutters "Whatevs, I won, it's mine" and takes his Slammy and walks away.

Owens does about 30 seconds of ranting about how the fans don't recognize excellence, then glances over, where presenter Ziggler is laughing at him. "What's so funny, Dolph? You got something to say, get over here and say it to my face." So Ziggler walks over, Owens punches him in the face, and the brawl is on. Refs break it up quickly, but I'm guessing they can use this for a third match later tonight.

KANE vs. BRAY WYATT (w/ the Family)

Notably, Kane tried to blow his corner pyro, but it didn't work. Made a big show of arms up... then arms down... then nothing. While humorous, I think it's because Harper hadn't cleared the post, and therefore, this is a victory for fire safety.

Bell rings, Kane gets the upper hand in a brawl, and Harper, Rowan, and Strowman attack.

Your Winner: Kane, via disqualification, in 45 seconds. Whee.

After the Match: the Dudleys and Tommy Dreamer make the save, and it looks like our real match will be an 8-man tag. After these....

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THE DUDLEYS, KANE, & TOMMY DREAMER vs. THE WYATT FAMILY

Fast start for the good guys, leading up to Bubba getting a convincing near fall on Harper after a BubbaBomb. So convincing, in fact, that the Wyatts jump in to break it up. A Pier 8 Brawl breaks out, and the Dudleys go on a tear. A 3-D hits on Harper, but Rowan with the save. Bubba clotheslines Rowan out of the ring, but powders out with him. Harper isolated with Devon. Lariat. Fin.

Your Winners: the Wyatt Family, via pinfall, in about 2 minutes. Well, those two segments were probably a bit more impactful than if the Wyatts just cut a promo from their lair. But it lasted the same amount of time, and accomplished the same basic goal of putting the Wyatts over strong.

And the Nominees Are: Santino comes out to a nice pop, nebulously saying he's back. For one night? For a return to the ring? Even after that third neck surgery? I loves me some Santino, but be safe, fella! He introduces the Funniest Moment video package. Nominees are: Edge & Christian vs. the New Day in a Kazoo/Trombone Battle, the Bushwhackers Hall of Fame speech, R-Truth thinking he's in the Elimination Chamber when he isn't, the New Day getting Triple H to dance, and Miz doing a viagra commercial.

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And the Winner is: R-Truth, who did that gimmick a second time, for Survivor Series, too. Santino declares that he will be accepting the award on Truth's behalf, because he's never won one, and he kinda wants one to put on his mantle, so thank you, god bless, and happy 2016! But Truth shows up and says Nuh-uh, he wants his Slammy. So Santino pulls the old, "Hey, look, what's that over there?" And Truth falls for it. So Santino makes a break for it. Truth chases him. I suspect this segment will have a follow-up or two throughout the night.

Holiday Greeting from Jolly Ol' St. Mick: Mick Foley and his kids -- in full costumery as Santa and his elves -- supply some holiday cheer, and a few yuks at the expense of the New Day.

And the Nominees Are: Paul Heyman is out, and says that save for Diva of the Year, his client, Brock Lesnar should just be handed All The Slammys. But the humanoids are probably too stupid to realize that, so here's another category with Brock in it that somebody else will win. It's the Most Shocking Moment of the Year. The choices: Rollins' cash-in at WM31, Lesnar destroys Rollins and half the crew the night after WM31 causing him to be fired, Kalisto's Salida del Sol at TLC, the Wyatts attacking the Undertaker and stealing the body, and Sheamus' cash-in at Survivor Series.

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And the Winner is: Kalisto. Kalisto? The award isn't for "Most Recent Nominee," it was for the most shocking. An in-match highspot should go in the "Most Extreme" or "Most Awesome" category or whatever. Rollins cashing-in at WM was a genuinely shocking swerve at the biggest show of the year. I'm starting to lean towards stupid marks out-voting the better informed (and jaded) fans, because if the fix is in, there's no value in fixing it for Kalisto. This is proved by his acceptance speech, which was about 12 seconds long, and beyond generic.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KEVIN OWENS

Guys are already in the ring, shaving valuable seconds off the show. Bell rings, very abbreviated heat sequence for Dolph. But then it spills outside, and Owens imposes his will on Ziggler, ramming him into the barricade and jump-starting the time compressed "mid match" heel beatdown.

Though still leaning towards the methodical, this is much harder-hitting and better paced than the match they had 2-3 weeks ago. Ziggler keeps it fresh with flash roll-ups for his hope spots, too. Still all that said, Owens does settle in for the Dreaded Chinlock at the 5 minute mark. This gives Dolph a chance for a more substantial fire-up.

When Dolph hits the big leaping DDT, Owens finally takes serious damage. Both men are down, so we break for.....

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Back, Ziggler is in the process of setting up a superplex.... but Owens lands a couple punches to the gut, and gets Dolph up on his shoulders, and turns it into a top rope brainbuster. Ziggler kicks out at 2, and Owens is groggy enough that he can't immediately follow up.

When he does, he goes for the Pop-Up, but Ziggler leapfrogs it, and hits a flash dropkick that sends Owens out of the ring. Ziggler immediately follows, and it's immediately a mistake, as Owen once again introduces him to various piece of furniture. But then, Owens rolls Dolph into the ring, and wastes time loitering around ringside. When he steps one foot into the ring, Ziggler is waiting for the Fameasser.

It seems like it might be the start of a rally, but Ziggler steps back and waits for Owens to get to his feet, and then comes at him, looking like he wants a rana or something... of course, Owens elevates him and turns it into the Pop-Up Powerbomb.

Your Winner: Kevin Owens, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Not a masterpiece, but it's the first thing resembling a serviceable wrestling match on this show. And it only took an hour and 10 minutes to get there.

And the Nominees Are: Stephanie, more composed, is out for the Best Wrestler of the Year. For the first time, the nominees are Everybody on the Roster. This could get interesting...

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And the Winner is: Seth Rollins. Well, there goes my theory about the stupid marks stuffing the ballot box.... because Rollins was the clear-cut man to win this award. Yeah, he got hurt, but he did -- without exagerration -- twice as much in 9 months as anyone else did all year. Ring work, character work, the total package. Except for the part where he's a hated heel. So my guess is the stupid marks who are getting their pick in every other category got screwed here, and the fix was in. It's just that, in this case, the fix actually fixed things, instead of breaking them.

Rollins has a nice promo where he teases gratitude for the award, but then turns it around by saying the fans may have voted, but he was the one who EARNED it. Respect pop turns into boos pretty quickly as Rollins lists all his highlights, and promises to come back in 2016, better than ever, to take back the title that he never lost.

JACK SWAGGER vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/ Sheamus, Rusev & Barrett) (Non-Title)

Barrett was back at ringside on SmackDown, so his re-appearance here should be no surprise.

Also not surprising: the bell rings, the brawl spills outside, and ADR rams Swagger into the ring post, and just like that it's time for another break. Yep, it's gonna be another one of those....

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Back, and Alberto is still firmly in control. Lots of kicks and stomps, leading up to Alberto calling for the Si! Kick. He whiffs, and Swagger gets on a roll, getting a near fall after a SwaggerBomb. But then, Swagger sets up for a superplex, which telegraphs the finish.

Cuz ADR punches out of it, Swagger falls backward, tying himself to the tree of woe, so Alberto can hit his double-stomp finisher. Done and done.

Your Winner: Alberto del Rio, via pinfall, in about 6 minutes. To the live crowd, that probably seemed like a tolerable affair. But to the TV audience, it was 1 minute of action, 3 minutes of commercials, and 2 minutes of action. Makes it real hard to give a shit. Notably, during a brief 4-on-1 post-match beatdown, the announcers reveal that the LoN better enjoy it while it lasts, because John Cena is set to return next week, and he's invoking his rematch clause on ADR on RAW.

And the Nominees Are: Mark Henry is out to present the Hero of the Year nominees. Essentially, who did the best charity work. Choices: John Cena, Roman Reigns, Big Show, Titus O'Neil, and Nattie.

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And the Winner Is: John Cena. Can't argue with that. That man is a beast at charity work. Of course, Cena isn't here, so Henry says a few words putting Cena over, but also (rightly) pointing out that charity work isn't a contest to see who can do the most... it's a collective effort to do the most as a company. So Henry thanks the other nominees, too, and every WWE superstar who invested even one afternoon to the cause(s). Then, he humbly accepts on Cena's behalf.

And the Nominees Are: after that moment of real life, let's get back to the ha ha! Santa comes out on the stage, but he's throwing massive amounts of NOTHING out to the crowd. Heh. As soon as he opens his mouth, it's obviously Bo Dallas. But he pretends to be the REAL Santa for a bit, until pulling down the beard and yelling "SURPRISE~!" With that in mind, he's here to introduce the Nominees for the Best Surprise Return of the Year. They are: the Dudleys, Chris Jericho, Sting, Kane as "The Demon Kane," and Alberto del Rio.

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And the Winner is: Sting. Another one where you can't really argue. But also another one where the winner is not present to accept. So Santa Bo takes the trophy and absconds.

THE NEW DAY vs. THE USOS (Non-Title Handicap Match)

Before we get to the grapplingsmanship, The New Day are in the ring, where they are very upset with the fans. In early voting, the Usos won the Slammy for Tag Team of the Year, which is totally bogus. So if these idiot fans want to spoil the New Day's Slammys, then they will spoil "Star Wars" for all of us.

Big E is just about to say something, when Kofi asks him not to, because he hasn't seen it yet. E and Woods are stupified. How is that even possible? Well, Kofi's a dad and when he's at home, he spends time with his 4-year-old, and when he's on the road, he spends his time kicking ass. He's a grown up, and that why Big E and Woods call him "pops." E and Woods shrug and say, Alright, for you Kofi, no spoilers!

End of skit, so the Usos enter, and the bell rings. A little cat and mouse, but when the New Day finally engage, the Usos get the better of it, and are all set up for Stereo Planchas.... but E pulls the other two out of the way, and as the New Day threaten to walk out on the match, we break for....

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Back, and Woods is the Heel in Peril.... yep, kind of inverse psychology, and some fans are actually clapping it up and trying to fire up Woods. Not a majority, but a vocal minority. But when E interferes to turn the tide, there's not even a vocal minority trying to support Jimmy. The New Day run the Unicorn Stampede on Uso, and the fans even get an audible "HEEEEEEY, WE WANT SOME NEWWWWWWW DAY" chant going (cribbed from Bayley's NXT fans).

On both Woods tromboning and E's Abdominal Clap, the fans also opt for "NEW. DAYROCKS."

Solid beatdown, with great teamwork and nnice pace. Woods keeps it spicy by switching from active participants to ringside antics, too. Finally, when Big E sets up for a superplex, Jimmy fights out, and Big E lands hard below. Hot tag to Jey, corresponding move to Woods.

Advantage: Jey Uso. But then it turns into a Pier Fiver, and after a chaotic exchange where Big E once again foiled the Stereo Planchas, Woods went for a cheap roll-up, only to have Jey roll through it into a pinning combo of his own.

Your Winners: The Usos, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Nothing exceptional, but on a show where the bar is set so low on the in-ring, the merely adequate seems like a 25 minute **** epic. SEEMS LIKE. But it wasn't. It was just pretty good.

And the Nominees Are: R-Truth is here was the list of nominee's for the Best Female Wrestler of the Year. Choices are: Nikki Bella, Naomi, Paige, Sasha Banks, and Charlotte.

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And the Winner is: Paige.... or wait, no it isn't. A few words into her speech, Paige is cut off as Truth reveals he made a mistake. Ahhhh, timely, as if ripped from last night's glorified bikini contest. Note to self: do not parody some pointless horseshit that took up 7 minutes of the newscycle 12 hours after anybody was still caring about it, as it makes you look very desperate and lame. It turns out the real winner is Nikki Bella. WWE's fumbling of the Diva Revolution has muddied the waters to the point that there's not one real babyface on the list, so I guess we just default to length of title reign? Me, I'd probably vote for Sasha, and openly admit that I'm doing it for her year as a whole, including NXT. But whatever...

NEVILLE vs. RUSEV (w/ the League of Nations)

Miz is sitting in on guest commentary, continuing the story where he sees star potential in Neville, even if Neville doesn't see it in himself. Sadly, Miz does not have his megaphone this week. He says that's because he's giving in to Neville's request, so we can all see how Neville performs without Miz's "direction."

Fast start for Neville, but that ends predictably quickly. Rusev tosses Neville out to the floor. Neville in a heap, Rusev taunting the crowd. In other word, time for....

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Back, and Rusev is in control for a bit before Neville dodges a corner charge. Rusev tumbles out to the floor, and Neville follows up with a beautiful top rope to the floor moonsault. Back in the ring, Neville keeps the pressure on with kciks and strikes... but when he goes up top, he flies right into a thrust kick in what looked like an awkwardly botched spot where Rusev got up too quickly or too far away from the turnbuckle, or something.

But then, the Camel Clutch is pretty much foolproof, so Rusev goes directly to that.

Your Winner: Rusev, via submission, in 6 minutes. Or, as already discussed, one minute of action, three minutes of ads, 2 minutes of action. Zero shits given. Unless you consider "Neville lost without Miz's help" a worthwhile takeaway. Meh.

And the Nominees are: Miz sprints from commentary to the podium to announce the award which is named for him.... the "This is Awesome" Awesome Moment of the Year Award. Although Miz provided non-stop awesomeness in 2015, he predicts he will somehow win the award, despite not being nominated. We'll see. The real choices are: Lesnar destroys J&J's pimpin ride, Orton's RKO on Rollins at WM31, the Shield Mini-Reunion to decimate Orton, the Diva Revolution Begins, and the Rock & Rousey Connection at WM31.

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And the Winner is: Rock & Rousey. Damn straight that was the most awesome Awesome Moment. It was actually two separate Awesome Moment, each of this -- on its own -- was an awesomer moment than any of the other nominees. Of course, Rock isn't anywhere to be seen, so Miz appropriates Rock's catchphrases and plug his new movie on DVD. Boo. Oh, and then he walks out with the trophy, because prophecy, bitches. Double boo!

BECKY LYNCH (w/ Charlotte) vs. BRIE BELLA

No back-up for Brie, as Nikki is injured (so even though she's in the building, she won't risk it by going to ringside) and Alicia Fox is on her way back from a mini-goodwill tour of Afghanistan.

We go straight into the time compressed "mid match" heel beatdown. For the first few minutes, the only real chants are "HEEEEEEEY, WE WANT SOME BAAYYYYYYYYYYYLEY" (which Charlotte sort of encourages, which I'm not sure is the right play), and "YES!" when Brie busts out her husband's kicks.

Then, a mild pop when Becky counters an armbar into the Disarmer, and Brie insta-taps.

Your Winner: Becky Lynch, via submission, in about 5 minutes or so. Not bad, not good, just a sort of medium beige canvas upon which they painted the story of Becky winning without any help, which is more than Charlotte can say, as of late.

And the Nominees are: Here's Ric Flair to inform us of the nominees for Match of the Year. They are: Lesnar/Cena/Rollins at the Rumble, Sting/HHH at WM31, Cena/Owens 1, Lesnar/Taker 3 at HiaC, and the Reigns/Ziggler/Owens/del Rio #1 Contender Match before Survivor Series.

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And the Winner is: Lesnar vs. Undertaker. Works for me; I will probably get more "re-watch" value out of the Rumble 3-way and Cena/Owens, but Lesnar/Taker was a spectacle in its own right. And Brock is, in fact, here to accept in person. Well, his music plays. And then Paul Heyman comes out. But no Brock? Cheers turn to boos as Heyman just stands there staring at the crowd, who begin chanting "We Want Lesnar."

Heyman: "My client, Brock Lesnar, has no interest in popping in to accept some trinket. If he's gonna come out here, it's because he wants a fight. You people chant We Want Lesnar, but nobody backstage wants Lesnar, and that creates a problem." Heyman backhand compliments the Undertaker for stepping up, but until somebody else demonstrates the guts to be willing to face Lesnar, fans won't be seeing much of Brock.

Crowd isn't happy, as Brock IS in the building tonight, and he just destroyed del Rio and Rusev at a house show in Los Angeles. But Heyman's promo was a very effective "Ball's in your court, everybody!" And we're setting up for a main event in which the LoN plays the numbers game again, and dominates Ambrose 4-on-1. Cena may be coming back next week, but the LoN might get all full of themsleves, and they could call out Lesnar, thinking he isn't there or that he won't come out to face a 1-on-4... but of course, if he does, it'll pop the crowd like crazy. Granted that means we get a 3 minute main event "match" followed by a 6-7 minute angle, and Heyman will get all the credit in the world for the masterful bait-and-switch for a one-off crowd-pleasing moment that would probably stand as the very first nominee for the 2016 Slammys.

If not, sorry for getting your hopes up.

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DEAN AMBROSE vs. SHEAMUS (w/ the LoN) (Non-Title)

Before Ambrose gets in the ring, the entire League attack and beat the hell out of him. Then, at precisely 11pm (eastern) they toss Ambrose into the cage, lock the door, and the match begins.

Two straight minutes of methodical heel beatdown, brief hope spot when Sheamus goes for an over-the-top escape, but Ambrose yanks him down to the mat. Then another minute of methodical (and an audible "THIS IS BORE RING" chant). Then an actual rally by Ambrose, but his own climb escape is easily foiled.

Both men wind up on the top rope, jockeying for position. Sheamus wins the fisticuffs, and hits White Noise off the top rope. Nice. But Ambrose kicks out. Sheamus goes for another escape, but at the last second, Ambrose gets up there with him... this time, Ambrose wins the fistfight, and Sheamus is crotched across the top rope.

Ambrose tries to continue his escape, but Rusev and ADR climb up and block him. So Ambrose, standing on top of the cage, sees Sheamus getting to his feet, changes directions, and hits his huge Standing Elbow on Sheamus. Sheamus kicks out at 2, so Ambrose crawls for the door. Rusev kicks the door into Ambrose's face. The two legal men are out of it inside the ring.

But outside the ring, Roman Reigns has materialized, and he single-handedly takes out all three men. Then, he sees Sheamus spying an escape, so Reigns grabs a chair and throws it up into the cage.

Ambrose puts it to good use, ending with a Dirty Deeds onto the chair. Then, Ambrose loses 50 IQ points, and does not make a cover, does not walk out the door, but climbs up the cage. Slowly. So Sheamus catches him, and the two start trading fists again, this time on top of the cage, and then, as they both start climbing down.... and after one random punch in a series of random flails, Ambrose is knocked to the floor. He lands hard, but he wins.

Your Winner: Dean Ambrose, via cage escape, in 10 minutes. First off, I am sorry for getting your hopes up... but even without a Lesnar cameo, which would have provided the most satisfying pay-off, I'm doubly sorry that WWE just went and did.... whatever that was. Opening part got "boring" chants, then a disjointed middle part where guys behaved stupidly in the name of fabricating drama during cage climbs, and then, when things get all hyperspeed, they don't end the match at the narrative climax.... they meander on for another 90 seconds with the most tortuously phony slow-climb-and-catch-up that did not set up anything besides two guys not looking like they knew what to do, so one finally just decided to fall down. Textbook "whimper, not a bang."

We get a brief cut-away to Stephanie McMahon, watching backstage on a monitor. She is not pleased. When Tom Phillips asks for her response, she just rains down the slaps until he falls down, too. Then she shrieks a bit and storms off.

Meanwhile, back near the ring, we see Reigns and Ambrose -- Champion and Champion -- celebrating together as we fade to black.

And so ends the show... and I am not all that impressed. Forget I mentioned that Lesnar thing. He was there, he was even advertised to appear, and it would have been awesome. But it also would have existed in a bubble, since Lesnar isn't back as a semi-regular until the Rumble. Fine, take him off the table.

The main event was still 10 pounds of DUH in a 3 pound bag. At the very core of the issue: Ambrose probably shouldn't have won, and if he did, the LoN should have still gotten the last laugh. Two previous matches, spread over 4 segments, told the story that "The League of Nation is vicious and not afraid to use numbers to their advantage." The main event said "The League of Nations is successful 4-on-1, but will be easily defeated if it's against 2 guys, instead." That's just dumb.

The LoN and Vince McMahon COMBINED were beaten by Superman Reigns last week. The LoN credibility was low coming into RAW. Efforts were made to rebuild it in Hour One. Then again in Hour Two. But in Hour Three, they pulled the rug out from under them again. League of Nations, right back where they started the night, instead of on an upward trajectory of credibility that energizes the fanbase for their eventual downfall. Sheamus has an obligatory rematch, and it'll take a concerted multi-week effort to get to the point where much of anybody is gonna believe he has a chance in hell.

Much like with Reigns' little voyage last week (strong showing at TLC, but then a rushjob the very next night), this was WWE taking the first two steps down a road that's a couple miles... those Swagger and Neville beatdowns were very much in the right direction. And then, instead of finishing the long walk, they just decided "Eh, that's enough, let's call it a trip and see if anybody notices we missed the target by several degrees."

Maybe there's an angle I'm missing, and you can make a case for why putting Reigns and Ambrose over strong is a valid tactic. I'm not seeing it, but I'll at least posit that it might exist.

The same cannot be said for HOW they stood tall. By any and all objective metrics, that match should have ended with the Dirty Deeds onto the chair. Either clean pinfall, or a more motivated/less-distractingly-slow escape. That was just a terrible way to limp to a conclusion. So much wrong, including the awkward visual of Ambrose writhing in pain while Reigns opted to smile and celebrate ("Hey, my best friend just fell down and might have broken his spine! I'm so happy!").

I have some wiggle room on the whole notion of "should Ambrose have won?" but I hereby reject, out of hand, anybody who wants to argue that HOW Ambrose won wasn't demonstrably awful.

As to the rest of the show? It was a victim of the format. It's also beyond debate that the nominees segment/ad break/winner segment is terrible. Not just because it breaks up the flow of the show, but because there are a grand total of zero cases where decisions intended to be taken seriously are handled in such a purposely dismissive/kneejerk fashion.

At the very least, all voting should be done ahead of time, and a limited number of categories get the individual full nominees/envelop ceremony (male wrestler, female wrestler, tag team, match, and whichever of the "moment" categories was won by Rock & Rousey). Everybody else takes part in a roll call of winners, which can be a big honking segment at the start of the show with various levels of comedy, tension, and indignation, with interactions that set up a match or two (see: Owens and Ziggler). That alone fixes the format issue, and it requires zero extra effort on anybody's part.

I'd also be just fine with a full overhaul of what the Slammys are. As it is, what they are is an annual thing that makes it impossible to lay out a strong in-ring product on RAW. But you could make it a stand-alone thing, with the full mix of serious categories where there should be an effort to get it right, and levity, too. USA doesn't want to pay for it? No problem, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DAMNED NETWORK!

But either way, the voting ahead of time and just taking the entire thing more seriously is vital. Look at how much press MLB gets out of the All Star Voting process. Over the course of 6 weeks, they supply 3 standings updates, and then go silent for the final week. Treat this like it's important, and get fans debating over the course of a compressed two week voting window. Ballot released on Monday. First standings on Friday. Update on Monday. Final standings on Friday. Fans spend three frantic days trying to get out the vote, and you're a social media darling.

Oh, and one vote per person per platform. None of that "and then you can vote again once every day" crap.

I could go on for another dozen paragraphs with my more detailed Slammys Manifesto, but I sense you are getting fatigued.

It's hard to say "this match was good" and "this match was terrible" because everybody was pretty much stuck trying to make the best out of what they were handed. It was broken when they bought it. It's hard to get too riled up about any of that. But the main event sucked on its own isolated and very easily fixable demerits.

If it were just the wonky format messing with the pace, I'd slap a C-minus on it and call it a forgettable night of mediocrity. But throw in that main event, and that grade drops to a D, an effort worthy of our scorn.

But remember: live SmackDown on USA Network tomorrow night! So WWE has a sooner-than-usual chance to redeem itself. They've already announced two title matches that should make this a show that's hard to screw up: Ambrose vs. Owens vs. Ziggler (Three Way IC Title Match), and New Day vs. Lucha Dragons (Tag Title).

I'll be occupied with Dyshawn Pierre's homecoming, but this seems like a SmackDown that will get Priority Same Day DVR Viewing Treatment, which is a definite step-up from SD's usual Sometime Over the Weekend DVR Status. As such, if anything deemed newsworthy happens, I'll make sure to cover it here before we settle in for the holiday break.

If I don't deem anything newsworthy, well, then I'd better sneak in my own holiday wishes now. Merry Christmas, OO Nation!

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.