OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Crazy Like a Fox
May 18, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Every now and again, I get really upset with my Cincinnati Reds (the fact that Kevin Gregg was given a contract and then not fired until a month into the season is one of those times), but it's never too long before I'm reminded, "Hey, at least Jeffrey Loria, that sleazy, greedy asshat, isn't your owner."

Yesterday, the Marlins fired their manager. Today, they announced that their GM -- who has never even coached above the high school level -- has been handed the managerial job for the rest of this season.

Pretty much everybody suspects that it's because Loria is pissed that he actually spent money on player contracts int he off-season, but it wasn't translating into wins... so he did his usual thing of freaking out and firing his manager, and only then did he realize this would mean paying for a NEW manager. So then, he decided to work around that by just asking his GM to take the job. NO EXTRA MONEY REQUIRED~!

I honestly have no idea how that guy is allowed to have an MLB franchise. Between what he did to Montreal, and what he continues to do in Miami (falling ass-backwards into 2 World Series titles, not withstanding) is pretty sickening. It's a black eye for baseball, and it was allowed to go on for so long because Loria and Bud Selig were pals.

Now that Selig is out, can we please get rid of Loria, too? The sooner the better...

And I hear you, OO Nation: the sooner I quit yammering on and star telling you what happened on the just-completed edition of RAW, the better. Well, ask and ye shall receive:

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc, and we're live in Richmond, VA, to deal with the fallout from the Payback PPV. Cole & The Gang sneak in a quick welcome, but then it's time to shoot it down to the ring, because Triple H and Stephanie are here (Stephanie's first appearance in almost 2 months)...

SETTING THE STAGE THEATRE

The two get to the ring, and grab mics to pat each other on the back over how great they are, and how their decisions have panned out so spectacularly. Specifically, Seth Rollins proved he's everything the Authority said he is, when he overcame to odds and three opponents, to retain the WWE Title.

So tonight will be a tribute to "The Architect of a Dream," and they will celebrate Rollins' greatness, while also trying to determine his next challenger. Because Randy Orton, Roman Reigns, and Dean Ambrose all lost, and they are now sent to the back of the line. Somebody new will get a chance.

And speaking of new guys getting a chance.... they've got the IC Title belt on a pedestal, and in less than 2 weeks, we will crown a new IC Champ. Stephanie takes a moment to taunt Daniel Bryan for being a fragile little freak (because it's what she does), but HHH brings it back to compelling territory as he puts over the history and significance of the IC Title. And now, that prestigious title will be up for grabs inside the Elimination Chamber.

Sheamus' music hits, and he heads to the ring... he apologizes for the interruption, and easily deflects a "YOU LOOK STOO PID" chant. But he's got something he wants to bring to the AUthority's attention. Namely, that he's the one responsible for ending Daniel Bryan's career, so really, he should be fast-tracked to the IC Title. Forget the Chamber match, just give him the belt.

Ryback's music hits, and he's apparently got a dissenting opinion. He was a loser last night (and has the bandages around his ribs to prove it), but he wants to second the motion that Sheamus looks stupid. Also, Sheamus is so proud of beating up the little guys, but Daniel Bryan has more heart in his little body than Sheamus could ever hope to have, so Ryback, the Big Guy, dares him to pick on somebody his own size.

Steph tells them to simmer down, and they can take their frustrations out on each other in 2 weeks, because she's putting them both inside the Elimination Chamber match for the IC Title.

Triple H says that's all well and good, but he's kinda digging the animosity, so he wants a little preview of the Chamber match. He says it's Sheamus vs. Ryback, and it's happening RIGHT NOW.

By which he means, After These...

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RYBACK vs. SHEAMUS

They were kind enough to wait for us to return from commercials before starting the match. So the ref rings the bell, and Sheamus fires off a cheap little bitchsmack, which accomplishes nothing besides angering Ryback. About a minute or so of offense for Ryback, but then Sheamus manages to hit a kneelift to those injured ribs. This establishes the story of the match, as any time Ryback tries to regain the advantage, Sheamus can just go for the ribs.

And also, just like last night, Ryback even hads the advantage back once or twice when he hits a big move, but does damage to his own ribs (like off a powerslam). As a result, Sheamus is completely in charge at the 3 minute mark, and we have to break for more...

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Back, and both men are down, and the ref is applying a double count. Apparently, Ryback staged his comeback, but his ribs are still hurting, so he can't follow up... so both guys get up, and Sheamus wins the fisticuffs, and goes for the Ten of Clubs. But Ryback blocks the arm, and hoists Sheamus up on shoulders for a powerbomb.

Ryback gets a spinebuster and a near fall after that, then calls for the Meathook. Sheamus ducks out of the ring, and Ryback follows. Ryback slams Sheamus into the announce table, and then tosses Sheamus back into the ring... Sheamus just keeps rolling out the other side of the ring, and Ryback follows again, throwing Sheamus into the ring post.

They take it back into the ring, where Ryback gets Sheamus up for Shellshock. Sheamus escapes, and suddenly feigns an eye injury... the ref orders Ryback to step back so he can check on Sheamus, and Sheamus hits a flash Brogue Kick off the distraction.

Your Winner: Sheamus, via pinfall, in 10 minutes. Nothing fancy, just solid old school psychology, with Ryback selling an injury, fighting through it, and then Sheamus still stole the win.

Backstage: HHH and Steph are talking about tonight's big "Architect of a Dream" celebration, and Stephanie thinks they need to make sure that somebody very trustworthy is in charge of it. She calls in Kane, and Kane says, sure, he'd be happy to be in charge of Rollins' party.

Then Rollins himself, flanked by J&J, shows up with a bottle of champagne, and hands glasses to HHH and Steph, and then, after a moment of hesitation, hands Kane a glass, too. Because, afterall, Rollins saved Kane's job last night by winning his match, and Kane finally has a reason to celebrate. ZING~!

But before Kane can retort, Dean Ambrose shows up, and says that when it comes to Rollins' next challenger, Ambrose has beaten him in their most recent one-on-one match, and Rollins couldn't beat Ambrose last night at Payback... so Ambrose, out of the kindness of his heart, will grant Rollins a rematch, but only if Rollins puts the WWE Title on the line.

HHH and Steph just chuckle and tell Kane to deal with this silliness. Rollins asks Ambrose what part of "back of the line" he doesn't understand, and tells him that when he finally figures it out, and goes there, to say "hi" to Roman and Randy for him. Rollins departs.

Left alone with Kane, Ambrose mutters something about how it's sad that Kane used to be the Devil's Favorite Demon, and now, he's Rollins' butler. Kane is all "pardon me?" and Ambrose amplifies his point by wondering what Paul Bearer or the Undertaker would think if they could see Kane now... Kane flips out and says that Ambrose has crossed a line, so he's ordering a match for later tonight: Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt.

Ambrose just nods, and he's OK with that. Then, he grabs Kane's glass of champagne, takes a glug, and deadpans, "You know, you really shouldn't drink on the clock." Then, he drains the rest of the glass. Dean Ambrose is awesome.

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BO-LIEF AT YOUR OWN RISK

Renee Young is in the middle of the ring, and asks us to welcome her guest, Neville. The comply, and Neville offers up a feisty underdog promo about how he may seem small, but when he's fllying through the air, and dominating his opponents, he feels 10 feet tall on the inside, so....

ANd that's when Bo Dallas (once again clean-shaven, so he doesn't resemble his brother quite so obviously, anymore) comes out and makes fun of Neville's stature. Neville responds by reminding everybody that Neville's record setting year-long NXT Title run started when he beat Bo.

Bo responds by blindsiding Neville, and focusing on the knee that Neville tweaked last night in his match against King Barrett.

As soon as Neville got some traction, Dallas powdered out, and Barrett headed out to the ring. It seems Neville vs. Barrett is actually our scheduled match for tonight... JBL invites Dallas over for guest commentary, as we get a ref and start the match.

NEVILLE vs. KING BARRETT

As you might expect, we only get a minute or so of action... fast start for Neville, then Barrett takes over, and as soon as he does, we break for...

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Back, and Neville's mid-comeback, only to have things fizzle when he tries a flippy move, and has his knee buckle on him. Barrett goes back on the offensive.

A minute or so later, Neville tries to rally again. His knee buckles AGAIN. Barrett puts him out of his misery with a Bullhammer.

Your Winner: King Barrett, via pinfall, in 5 minutes (3 of which were an ad break). So yeah, as a match, that was pretty worthless. But for story purposes, it did what it needed to. Barrett gets his win back, but only in the cheapest, jerkish fashion. And then, once Barrett had taken advantage of Neville's bad knee, Bo Dallas jumped in the ring and continued the assault, wrapping Neville's knee around the steel ring post a few times, and acting like he just won 10 Super Bowls.

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HE SAYS, SHE SAYS

Rusev comes out, by himself, to address last night's outcome, where he ranted and raved in Bulgarian, and Lana got into the ring to tell the ref that Rusev quit. Michael Cole says that WWE.com even contracted some translators to confirm that Rusev quit. Whatever.

Rusev says that he speaks our stupid English language perfectly, and he knows how to say "I Quit" if he wants to say "I Quit." But he did not say "I Quit." The crowd does not care; they only want Lana. Rusev gets angry and says there is no Lana, not tonight. Maybe not ever.

Rusev did not quit, and in fact, he made John Cena pass out, and the only reason he lost is because Lana is weak. He wants to restart the match, he wants Cena to come out here right now.

But instead, Lana comes out, to a big pop. She knows Rusev asked her to stay in the back (Rusev: "Ask you? I TOLD you."), but she wants to make sure that the fans understand why she did what she did, and that they also understand that Rusev is not the evil man they think he is.

Lana says she did what was best for Rusev, and what was best for "us." Because she cares about Rusev, and it hurt her to see Rusev in so much pain, and yelling "I QUIT, I QUIT, I QUIT" over and over again in Bulgarian. Rusev calls her a liar and says that he never said that, and orders her to leave the ring, and to leave his life, because she is weak, and she makes Rusev weak every moment that he keeps her around.

Lana resists at first, but Rusev keeps on berating her, calling her weak and disgusting and a liar until she finally drops her head and slinks away. Rusev says there is no more Lana, there is only Zuul. Er, Rusev.

Either way: BOO~!

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DEAN AMBROSE vs. BRAY WYATT

Wyatt starts off in command, but as soon as he goes for that big-ass senton (the one that hurt Ryback last night), Ambrose gets out of the way. Wyatt lands hard, and Ambrose takes over.

That lasted for a couple of minutes, until Wyatt raked the eyes, followed it up with his low crossbody, and then built up to a wicked hanging superplex sort of move (Wyatt was outside the ring, Ambrose was hung up across the middle rope, and Wyatt suplexed him to the floor)... that wrecks Ambrose, and Wyatt is hurt a bit, too, so we break for...

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Back, and Wyatt is working a neck vice. Ambrose tries to fire up, but Wyatt snuffs that out with ease and sends Ambrose flying out to the floor again. Wyatt follows, lies in wait, and then charges.... Wyatt throws a clothesline, but Ambrose throws one of his own. Both men go down.

The ref has no choice but to start counting them both out. But they both make it back into the ring at 8, and once they rejoin the fight, Ambrose comes out on top. His flurry leads up to a guillotine legdrop, for his first near fall.

Wyatt tries to turn the tide with a Rock Bottom, but Ambrose counters and sends Wyatt flying over the top rope. Suicide dive by Ambrose hits, but Ambrose lands hard, so he's slow to follow up. When the two get back in the ring, Wyatt goes for a Sister Abigail, but Ambrose fights out and goes for his Rebound Clothesline. Wyatt catches him with a clothesline of his own, instead.

Wyatt does his Exorcist Spider Taunt, but when he goes for Sister Abigail again, Ambrose hits the Rebound Clothesline. Ambrose sets up for a superplex... Wyatt fights out, and Ambrose falls back. Wyatt goes for another big-ass senton, but Ambrose gets out of the way.

Ambrose heads back to the top rope, with designs on the standing elbow drop. But that's when J&J Security; Mercury causes a distraction, while Noble shoves Ambrose off the top. Wyatt with the Sister Abigail, and that's that.

Your Winner: Bray Wyatt, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. Decent match, but given what we've seen them do in PPV settings, it obviously didn't live up to that. But it's a win for Wyatt that actually serves to make Ambrose even MORE viable as a #1 Contender to Seth Rollins, and that's effective storytelling. Underscoring that point, Seth Rollins comes out on the stage after the match and sips champagne in Ambrose's general direction. Jerk.

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THE NEW DAY (w/o Eggsavier Woods) vs. CESARO & TYSON KIDD (w/ Natalya)

Due to last night's outcome, Woods is barred from ringside tonight; Kofi and Big E are going it alone, and preface the match with a delightful rant about the trumped up "controversy" that has resulted in Woods being banned, that has resulted in them forced to defend the titles inside an Elimination Chamber Match after they win tonight.

And even the illiterate morons in this backwater state can see that. So won't they join in with the New Day Clap of Positivity, and chant "NEW. DAYROCKS."

Nope: "NEW. DAYSUCKS."

Bell rings, and it's Cesaro vs. Big E tos tart, in a batlle of powerhouses. Cesaro wins the feats of strength, and tags in Kidd, who flies and takes out E with a flying apron-to-the-floor rana. Bad guys are down, good guys are celebrating, so even though we've only gotten 90 seconds into the match, let's break for...

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Back, and the New Day have taken over; Big E is working the always-unimpressive Abominable Stretch on Cesaro. The stultifying boredom allows the announcers to narrate a video package of last night's tag title match.

Also, Cesaro eventually powers out and makes the tag to Kidd. Kofi in on the corresponding move, and Kidd goes to town on him, culminating in a Sharpshooter. This results in Big E coming in to break it up.

It turns into a Pier Four brawl, and after 15 seconds, the ref just gives up and calls for the bell.

Your Winners: No One, via double DQ, in 6 minutes. Once again, 3 of those were a commercial break, so there's absolutely no redeeming value in terms of being a match. But it reconfirms the New Day's heelishness and Cesaro/Kidd's status as top contenders.

After the Match: Eggsavier Woods ran out to join the fight, and turn the tide in the New Day's favor. The Lucha Dragons ran out to counter that. Los Matadores countered the counter. The Ascension decided to join in. ANd finally, the Prime Time Players got involved. It was a full on Pier 13 Brawl, won by the PTPs... as the segment wrapped up, Cole said he'd just received confirmation that these 6 teams would be the participants in the Elimination Chamber Tag Title Match.

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Update: we now know all 6 teams in the Tag Title EC Match. ANd Cole tells us that we also know 5 of the 6 men in the IC Title EC Match. In addition to Sheamus and Ryback, King Barrett, Rusev, and R-Truth are all in. One spot TBD.

US OPEN CHALLENGE

Cena hits the ring to a very mixed reaction, and tries to get fans back on his side by turning his win over Rusev into a feel-good patriotic moment. We all have freedom of speech, but we all share one thing: we are all proud Americans. USA, USA, USA~!

And because of the pride he has in the USA, he wants everybody to feel the same pride he does in the US Title. Nobody will dispute the fact that the WWE Title is the Big One... but the US Title is the championship of the people.

With that in mind, this week's US Open Challenge is, ummmm, open.

And out comes current NXT Champion, Kevin Owens.

Owens is scheduled to face Sami Zayn on Wednesday night at NXT Takeover (Zayn is actually injured, and that match is in jeopardy), the very same Sami Zayn who gave Cena a run for his money two weeks ago.

Owens says he'd introduce himself, but Cena knows exactly who he is, and any fans who don't know, well, they're just stupid. BOO~! In more important news, Owens wants to put Cena's mind at ease, in case Cena is feeling guilty about the injury Zayn suffered. Because Cena didn't injure Zayn. He was already hurt before that match even started, and Owens knows it, because HE is the one who injured Zayn.

"Fine speech, Mr. Owens. You can say what you want about me, about Sami Zayn, but you do NOT badmouth these fine fans. Without them, there is no you... so let me give you a piece of Veteran Advice....."

"Veteran advice? You?!? Maybe I haven't been HERE as long as you, but I've been doing THIS for 15 years, which is longer than you, junior." Nice.

This gets under Cena's skin, and he launches into an angry tirade about how Owens came out here all full of himself, but now that he's getting a taste of Cena, up close, he's just a scared little boy, and he's crapping his pants. And if Owens wants to prove Cena wrong, well, let's ring that bell and see what he's got.

Owens changes gears, and says, You know what? He's a prize-fighter, but come to think of it, he's already got a prize, the NXT Title. He doesn't need Cena's little trinket. So as far as Cena's US Open Challenge goes, you can forget it. Cena and Owens will fight. Some day. On Owens' terms.

Cena throws his hands up, and is frustrated... and that's when Owens cheapshots him, and assualts him, ending with an elevation powerbomb. Cena's flat on his ass, and Owens celebrates with his NXT Title belt (making a special effort to stomp on the US Title belt, because he's a dick), as the announcers hype Wednesday's NXT Takeover.

Excellent showcase for Owens, and an excellent teaser for Wednesday's event.

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DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. STARDUST

The announcers (and Stardust) draw attention to the 10 stitches that Ziggler's got above his right eye (a result of a headbutt gone awry last nigt against Sheamus). Stardust tries to target the eye, but all of 45 seconds in, Ziggler hits a flash Zig Zag, and that's all she wrote.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler, via pinfall, in under 1 minute. Dammit, 24 hours after Stardust made me smile with a Glove Slap Outburst, he jobs in under a minute. No Glove Slap. D'oh.

After the Match: Michael Cole hops in the ring to interview Ziggler. Ziggler briefly says, "No, don't look at me. I'm hideous," but he's just joshing. He did what he had to, and chicks dig scars, right? So proceed, Mitchell... Cole says he's got news for Dolph. We now know the sixth and final entrant for the IC Title Elimination Chamber Match. It's Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph is happy, and says if he did "this" (pointing to the scar) to get his hands on Sheamus, just wait and see what he's gonna do to get his hands back on the InterContinental Title!

All of a sudden, Lana comes out and saunters to the ring. Ziggler is suspicious at first, but Lana just marches right up to Dolph, and smooches him right on the lips.

Now, Dolph is even happier. In his pants. The fans kind of like the idea of this pairing, too, and fire up a "ONE MORE TIME" chant. Lana is all, "Oh, no, I couldn't possibly... could I?" Dolph's body language is all "Hey, don't let me stop you, honey."

So Lana goes in for seconds.

And Rusev storms out to put an end to this happy crappy. For all his noise about not wanting anything to do with Lana, he would NOT be upset by this unless he cared.

Of course, this soft-emotional underbelly manifests in the most dickish way possible, as Rusev decimates Ziggler, and then starts berating Lana. Lana doesn't back down this time. In fact, she musters her courage and slaps Rusev in the face.

Rusev gets even more aggressive with his threats, but before he gets physical, Ziggler strikes, and hits the Zig Zag from behind. Rusev is down, and Ziggler and Lana leave together.

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ZACK RYDER & FANDANGO vs. LUKE HARPER & ERICK ROWAN

On one hand, it's nice to see Ryder back on TV. On the other, we're all adults here, so let's not ptedhs was something it wasn't.

Your Winners: Harper & Rowan, via pinfall, in 2 minutes, flat. FWIW, new tandem finisher for the former Wyatt Boyz... it's a superkick into a full nelson slam combo.

Backstage: the Bellas are headed to the ring, when Stephanie McMahon intercepts them. She wants to talk to Brie, because she knows she said some nasty things about Daniel Bryan, but that was all just for show. Deep down, she's the wife of a Superstar, too, and she knows how hard this must be for Brie.

So with that in mind, Steph says that the well-being of the roster really is her #1 concern, and it's for that reason that she thinks Brie should take some time off. Starting tonight. Nikki will be alone as she heads to the ring to defend her women's title.

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NIKKI BELLA vs. NAOMI (w/ Tamina) (Women's Title Match)

Cole makes sure we know that Stephanie was being devious and disengenuous when she banned Brie from ringside, just in case we didn't get that. Full boxing-style ring intros, to add a little extra zazz, too.

Nikki's ready to fight as soon as the bell rings, but Naomi keeps scampering away. It's a bit of cat and mouse, with the cat getting the better of it, leading up to Nikki taking out both Naomi and Tamina with a big through-the-ropes dive. Break in the action means we break for....

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Back, and Naomi is back in command, and working a chinlock, because anything the boys can do, girls can do better! Nee haw!

But more notable: trainers are checking on Tamina, and it doesn't seem like it's part of the match. Tamina might have been genuinely injured her arm/hand on Nikki's suicide dive.

Nikki fires up out of the chinlock. Her flurry of offense is a bit clunky, but that doesn't stop it from building up to a Rack Attack.

Then, injured hand or not, Tamina gets in the ring and breaks it up. The ref has to call for the bell.

Your Winner: Nikki Bella, via DQ, in 5 mintues. Another match where time management resulted in a match being rendered uselss, because we only saw about 2 minutes of it. But it was mere prelude to a post-match angle...

After the Match: Naomi and Tamina double-teamed Nikki until Paige made a surprise return (she'd been off making a movie with Edge). Paige cleaned house and Nikki gave her a quick thank you hug.... Paige then took Nikki out with a RamPaige DDT, to a pretty positive crowd response. The announcers remind us that Paige was the #1 Contender when Naomi attacked her last month, and so Paige is rightfully desirous of Nikki's belt AND upset at Naomi.

Backstage: Renee Young catches up with Kevin Owens, and asks him about his claim that he would only face John Cena on his own terms. Owens says, Yep, that's true, and he's made up his mind.... in 2 weeks, at Eliimination Chamber, he'll face John Cena. He just hopes Cena and his precious WWE universe tune in on Wednesday to see what Owens does to Sami Zayn, because it's just a littel taste of what he'll do to Cena in 2 weeks.

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SETH ROLLINS: HONORING THE ARCHITECT OF A DREAM

The ring is made up with a red carpet and stuff, and HHH/Steph/Kane are all already assembled. On the grounds that it's already 11pm (eastern), Steph does a very abbreviated (by her windy standards) introduction for the WWE Champion, Seth Rollins. Rollins, along with J&J, hits the ring.

When he gets there, HHH gives him a good ol' fashioned tongue bath, talking about how he and Steph have known he's The One ever since they first laid eyes on him back in NXT. He's done things the past two months that no other man on the roster could do. He's beaten six different men in that time to win and then retain the WWE Title. In fact, HHH can't help but see a reflection of himself. HHH couldn't be more honored to have watched as Rollins Pedigreed his way to victory last night.

Rollins is faux overwhelmed by the generous compliments.

And now, it's time for the rest of the Authority to express their gratitude to Rollins. Kane takes the mic, and reciprocates Rollins' earlier sneaky jab by making a joke about Rollins dimunitive stature before delivering a half-assed congratulations.

Rollins is all, "Really, that's it? You don't have anything else you want to say to me?"

Kane rolls his eyes, but says, "OK, thank you, Seth, you totally saved my job last night. And to show my gratitude, here, watch this special video presentation I made just for you."

Kane shoots it up to the Tron, and the package is surprisingly all 100% on the level, and very flattering to Rollins and his version of his story in which he did it all on his own.

They come out of the video, and Rollins thanks Kane, and Kane gracefully steps to the back. Noble steps up, and offers his own congratulations to Rollins (making sure to pause to mock Regular Virginia, on the grounds that he's from the much superior West Virginia), before handing the mic to Mercury.

Mercury is all choked up, however, and before he can speak, Dean Ambrose's music hits. He comes on down to the ring, and actually steps into it, despite being outnumbered. He opens with a phoney apology for being late to the party, but then says he's going to re-issue his generous offer: he'll grant Seth Rollins a rematch if Rollins puts the WWE Title on the line.

Rollins says Ambrose must be touched in the head, because he's at the back of the line with the other losers from last night. Stephanie chimes in that Ambrose has done nothing to deserve a title shot, and that he lost just 24 hours ago. But hey, if Ambrose needs another reminder, that can be arranged. "Seth, get him!"

Rollins is all "The hell? Really?" But Stephanie urges him on, and then HHH offers to take his belt and his jacket, so he can go ahead and teach Ambrose a lesson.

Seth tentatively goes along with it, and charges Ambrose. Ambrose gets the better of it. So J&J try to help. That doesn't work, Ambrose is still in charge. Kane tries to help, and that doesn't work, either. Ambrose takes Rollins apart, slamming him into the announce table, and then revealing that he's got a pile of cinder blocks stashed in the timekeeper's cubicle.

Ambrose says he's gonna pop Rollins' skull like a ripe grape.... HHH and Steph panic, and in order to save their golden boy, Steph says she'll grant Ambrose his title match if he lets Rollins go.

Ambrose breaks into a shit-eating grin, and accepts... but then, he's still gonna crush Rollins' skull, anyway. J&J break it up, and the fight spills back into the ring, where Ambrose manages to get the better of it, until Kane gets involved again. Then Rollins, himself, rejoins the fight, and Ambrose can't do anything against a 4-on-1.

The underlings powder out, and Rollins hits Ambrose with his stepback DDT, and then taunts him as we fade to black.

And so ends the show... so Ambrose gets his match, but Rollins still gets the final moral victory. With only 2 weeks before the impromptu Elimination Chamber event, I'm thinking WWE probably forced two separate climaxes into one show (it really was kind of clunky how it all went down; it almost seemed like the Authority pruposely set Rollins up and gave in too easily to Ambrose, but then they did nothing to further that suspicion once Rollins took over and won the final brawl)... it was definitely noticeably, but ultimately, it's also an understandable necessary evil, and I'll look the other way if it means Ambrose gets his first one-on-one PPV main event.

So serviceable finish to the show. But along the way, we got two matches that were pretty enjoyable (Sheamus/Ryback and Ambrose/Wyatt), and a home run segment with Cena and Owens that was different from the other two recent NXT call-ups, but still just as effective (Owens is a heel, and as a result, he's not gonna get a hgue mark-out response, but he still held his own and I think the fanbase bought it).

The stuff with Rusev, Lana, and Ziggler also worked pretty well, and gives the six-way Chamber match one major storyline hook/feud so that it's not just about the Chamber gimmick itself.

Nothing else stood out at all, which probably speaks to a need to work on time management so that segments/matches can actually reach the point where we can get vested in them. Five minute matches where over half of that time is a commercial break just isn't going to do anything other than encourage fans to get used to the idea of not giving a shit about matches outside of one or two big ones per show.

So we got some decent stuff tonight, but roughly half the show fell a bit short of "sustainable episodic TV" and almost encouraged viewers to let their attention wander... the former and the latter basically cancel each other out, and leaves me with no choice but to issue a final grade of C.

See you next week, kids!

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.