OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Ambrose Stands Tall; Bryan Walks Away
May 11, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

So, I should be back at home in time to enjoy Payback from the comfort of my own couch. But DFW is sure doing its damnedest to send me out with a bang. Literally.

Last Thursday, we had a magnitude 4.0 earthquake about 30 miles south of here, tornadoes about 20 miles west of here, and then (BANG~!) a massive oil well explosion about 20 miles north of here.

Needless to say, any one of those things would be a big news day back in sleepy ol' Dayton, but here, we got them crammed into a single 6 hour outburst.

I will, however, put all joking aside, and encourage anyone out there with a high level of intellectual curiosity to do some googling and read up Texas earthquakes. It's really troubling when you get into the numbers, and I don't think it's getting any real press outside of the area. I know I didn't know anything about it until an earthquake "swarm" around Christmas. Those were little tiny 2.5s, but I actually felt the 4.0.

The problem becomes even more appalling if you expand your reading to include Oklahoma earthquake figures. The cause of all this is almost certainly fracking, but this part of the country is lousy with Science Deniers, so there's almost zero chance of anything being done about it any time soon. Oh well, at least I probably won't be here when one of those 4.0s turns into a 7.0.

Gotta look out for #1. Cuz if I'm not looking out for #1, who would all of you turn to for insightful details and clever analysis of pro wrestling? It's like a desolate wasteland out there for discriminating wrestling fans, so honestly, by looking out for me, I'm really looking out for each and every one of YOU.

You're welcome. No, really: you're welcome in advance, because I've finally gotten to the part of the column where I actually tell you what just happened on RAW:

Cold Open: a limo pulls into the arena, and out steps Triple H. He's baaa-aaaack. What'd he miss, two whole weeks? Stephanie's the one who's been conspicuously absent.

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc., and we're live in Cincinnati, OH... ahhh, Southwest Ohio, how I miss thee! But it looks like I'll be seeing you again very soon. Cole & The Gang offer a quick welcome/tease about tonight's show, including a mention that we'll finally be getting an update on IC Champ Daniel Bryan. But they keep it short, because HHH is already on his way to the ring...

AN AUTHORITATIVE PEP TALK (or, "The Speech in Which Triple H Threatens Everyone to Get on the Same Page")

Trips opens by saying "Daddy's home." And although it's with a mocking tone of voice that nets him some boos, he has a point. Because "Daddy's home" is what he says to his kids when he walks in the door after a hard day's work. And instantly, they start behaving better than they did in his absence.

And he's saying "Daddy's home" now because Kane and Seth Rollins are acting like children, and it's time for them to grow the hell up. He's not asking them to like each other, he's just asking them to co-exist peacefully and do their jobs.

Rollins decides to take the initiative, and comes out to the ring (flanked by J&J) to kiss up to HHH. A "WE WANT AMBROSE" chant threatens to drown him out. Rollins waits it out. When he starts talking again, he gets a "YOU SOLD OUT" chant. But finally, he manages to get a few words in edge-wise... he says he's so happy that HHH is back, because Kane's an incompetent boob and....

Another "WE WANT AMBROSE" chant derails him again. He's from Cincinnati, don't you know?

But he forges ahead, and tells his version of the story about how Kane's out to get him, how he made a Triple Threat Match, which is already unfair, and then made it a four-way, but in reality, it's just a three-on-one handicap match. And that's just stupid, Seth doesn't deserve this... and he knows HHH has a long history with Kane, and all, but this isn't the same Kane.... this is a washed up, out of touch Kane.

So maybe it's time for HHH to, you know?, take him out back and put him out of his misery.

Enter Kane, who obviously has a dissenting opinion. He says that with age, comes wisdom, and right now, all Kane's years of experience are telling him to grab Rollins by the neck and chokeslam him straight to hell! HHH and J&J step in to keep them apart, and Rollins starts bitching about how "This is exactly the crap that I'm talking about. I don't deserve this."

When cooler heads prevail, HHH says he knows how Kane feels. Rollins can be an obnoxious little punk, and sometimes, you just want to ball up your fist and punch him in his stupid little face. But for the time being, HHH believes that Seth Rollins is what's Best for Business, and if Kane can't get on the same page, maybe it's time that Kane and the Authority part ways. Amicably, before it gets ugly.

Kane doesn't look like he wants to just walk away... so HHH says, "Fine, but if we're gonna work together, let me be perfectly clear... I want to know that you are personally invested in Seth Rollins. So on Sunday, Seth Rollins will walk out of Payback with the WWE Title, or else it will be YOU I hold responsible. And just to give you a little headstart on making that happen, tonight, you will go one-on-one with Roman Reigns." Kane is not entirely pleased about the former condition, but seems happy with the latter.

Then, HHH turns to Seth Rollins, and says that he still has to live up to the expectations of a WWE Champion. So tonight, he can give us all a taste of what's to come on Sunday, when he faces Randy Orton in our main event.

Jamie Noble decides to grab the mic from Rollins and gets up in HHH's face, telling him that Seth Rollins is The Man, and he doesn't need this crap, even if it is from the COO.

HHH makes a few short jokes, but then reveals that the fourth man in the Fatal Four Way needs a match tonight, too... and he's just figured out who he'll be facing. J & J better get ready, because they are facing Dean Ambrose.

Oh, and they're facing him RIGHT NOW. Triple H herds everybody else out of the ring, as Ambrose makes his entrance to a huge hometown pop. And then, as J&J bail out, we break for....

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DEAN AMBROSE vs. JAMIE NOBLE & JOEY MERCURY (Handicap Match)

Back, and they waited for us to officiallys tart the match. Noble tried to run a little interference to start, but it doesn't work. Noble's chucked out of the ring. Ambrose beats the crap out of Mercury. Mercury's chucked out of the ring. Ambrose pulls Noble back into the ring, beats the crap out of him, and chucks him out of the ring again.

Ambrose is able to beat the crap out of BOTH of them outside the ring, for a bit. But when he throws Noble back into the ring, and goes up top, Mercury shoves him off, and Ambrose lands hard. All of a sudden, the New Stooges are in command. It's tag rules, not tornado rules, but they just trap Ambrose in their corner and make frequent tags for a minute and a half or so before Ambrose manages a comeback.

Ambrose goes up top again, and this time, the standing elbow hits on Noble. Mercury has to make the save. Ambrose dispatches Mercury, and hits the Dirty Deeds on Noble.

Your Winner: Dean Ambrose, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. You were expecting something else? Not an athletic masterpiece. Just a simple, straightforward, crowd-pleasing Sports Entertainment Segment.

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DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KING BARRETT

Sheamus sits in on guest commentary, and confirms that he'll be facing Ziggler again on Sunday. Immediately, Cole picks up the narrative that Sheamus still owes Ziggler a kiss on the ass, even though Ziggler has not made one single noise about wanting that. He wants to give Sheamus an ass KICKING, but that's a whole other matter.

During Barrett's ring entrance, he says he's got some Bad News for Neville, because on Sunday, Barrett will go one-on-one with Neville, and he will deliver a Royal Bullhammer. So the bell hasn't even rung yet, and we've already made two new matches for Payback.

But then Barrett turns to Ziggler and says, "But tonight, I'm taking a page out of my friend Sheamus' book, and I'm going to turn Dolph Ziggler into my Royal Ass Kisser." Oy, so much butt stuff. Then Barrett turns to the timekeeper and demands that he ring the bell. He does.

Barrett turns back around and walks right into a superkick. Ziggler makes the cover, but Barrett musters a kick out at two. Ziggler keeps the pressure on, as Barrett just flails around, still wearing his cape and everything. Finally, Barrett is able to get out of the ring to regroup. And that's when we break for...

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Back, and Barrett has taken control. Ziggler fights out of a chinlock, and stomps on Barrett's toes, which allows him to step back and hit a Fameasser for two. Ziggler goes for another superkick, but Barrett ducks and hits the Winds of Change. Barrett inverts the elbow pad, and sets up for the Bullhammer.

Ziggler dodges it, but Sheamus jumps up on the apron. Ziggler turns to hit a superkick on Sheamus... and when he turns around, Barrett lands the Bullhammer.

Your Winner: King Barrett, via pinfall, in 5 minutes. But 3 of those minutes were the ad break, so it was basically 30 seconds, nothing, and then 90 seconds. In other words, virtually worthless as a match. But as an excuse to further storylines, it served its purpose.

After the Match: Barrett left, victorious, and Sheamus got his revenge by destroying Ziggler for a bit, and then posing over him, asking us if we were not entertained.

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FANDANGO vs. ERICK ROWAN (w/ Luke Harper)

This is the follow-up to Thursday's SmackDown, when Harper beat Fandango, and then had an odd moment of reconciliation with Rowan. Now, the two brothers appear to be fully reunited. Well, that escalated quickly; I figured that's the direction they were going, but that they'd dance around it a little. But nope: BOOM, it's done.

The announcers start arguing over how fast Rowan will get the win. Cole starts at 2 minutes, and JBL and Booker udercut him a few times, getting the bidding down to a minute and a half.

Then Rowan wins in 37 seconds. JBL had a stopwatch on it.

Your Winner: Erick Rowan, via pinfall, in 37 seconds. After the match, Harper joined in for a brief beatdown, as the announcers declared that Harper and Rowan were back together, and the entire tag division should be on notice.

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JOHN CENA US OPEN CHALLENGE

Cena is greeted by a solid 85/15 cheers-to-boos ratio, and can't help but make mention of it. "Wow, that doesn't happen a lot. We got some John Cena fans in the house." Of course, that makes the 15% speak up, but they're still only 15%.

Then Cena gets down to business. He walks us through why he went after Rusev, and it'sb ecause he considers the US Title a valuable trophy, and the wrong guy was holding it. And now that he's holding it, he's not just gonna try to keep the bad guys from winning it... he's gonna make it possible for any number of the RIGHT guys to fight him for it. The Authority and the Inner Circle all conspire to make sure that only a few small handful a guys are ever legitimately able to hold the WWE Title (ooohhhhh, shooty!), but that's not the case with the US Title.

Cena will do everything in his power to keep Rusev from winning the title, but anybody else, c'mon down...

Sami Zayn was legit injured last week, but there's another ex-NXT champ here and healthy.... it's Neville.

JOHN CENA vs. NEVILLE (US Title Match)

Feeling out process to start, with Neville's speed and technical ability gaining the early lead, only to give way to Cena's power and striking. Also of note: the 85/15 split is suddenly pretty much 50/50. It's one thing if the alternative is to cheer for Rusev (that don't fly in the Heartland), but give an arena full of halfway knowledgable wrestling fans Neville as an option, and things are different.

Cena manages to ground Neville with a headlock, but then Neville powers out and hits a flash kick that sends Cena out of the ring, where he decides to regroup. Which means after all of 2 minutes, we break for...

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Back, and Cena's in mid-Five-Moves-of-Doom after Neville retained control through the break... but Neville cuts off the rally by countering Cena's wacky tackles, once again sending him out of the ring with kicks. Then he hits an amazing springboard twisting moonsault, and tosses Cena back into the ring for a near fall.

A quick bit of double-reversey, and Cena rejoins the Five Moves, already in progress. He hits the Wacky Slam and then the 5 Knuckle Shuffle... but when he goes for the F-U, Neville escapes and plants Cena with the Short German. Then, from the second rope, he hits the twisting 450 splash for a vrey convincing near fall.

Neville sells frustration for a moment, and when he approaches Cena, they start trading punches. The advantage sways to Cena, who pulls out a powerslam for a near fall. Now, it's Cena who pauses for a moment to sell frustration... so when he finally tries to follow up, Neville counters an F-U into a crucifix pinning combo. Only gets a 2, but it sets our closing sequence.

Neville goes up top, tries the Steamboat Crossbody, but Cena catches him and shifts him into F-U position. Neville flips out, and hits a dropkick for a near fall. Neville grabs Cena and drags him into position for the Red Arrow, but Cena picks the ankle and turns it into the SSTF in the middle of the ring. Neville fights out, so Cena turns him inside out with a stiff clothesline. Neville dodges a corner charge and hits a front kick, but Cena stays on his feet, stumbling back into the ropes and rebounding to snatch Neville up for the F-U.

Neville kicks out at 2, and the "THIS IS AWE SOME" chants are mighty.

The F-U took the starch out of Neville, but Cena can't regroup, becuase he's still woozy from that front kick. Both men are slow to get up... and Neville's instinct is to head to the top rope. Cena catches him, and tries to turn it into a top rope F-U... but Nevile counters the counter, and sunset flips over Cena, then shows off his own power by walking Cena halfway across the ring before hitting the powerbomb. Cena kicks out at 2.

Neville rolls Cena into position, and heads up top. Here comes the Red Arrow... AND IT HITS!

But Rusev appears out of nowhere to break up the pin. The ref calls for the bell.

Your Winner: Neville, via disqualification, in 12 minutes. I get why they did the cheap finish, and it actually makes sense, because Rusev wants the US Title, and Cena's been going around defending it unnecessarily... he's just protecting his own interests. But I still hate the WWE Camera Trick of preventing the TV viewers from having the same info as the live crowd, in the name of cheap drama. The announcers and director should be immediately on Rusev as soon as he appears on the stage, because the live crowd started grumbling, which makes no sense if Nevilles about to hit his big move... and we only find out why a good 10 seconds later, when Rusev magically appears in frame. I know I'm not explaining my point as eloquently as I could, but suffice to say, the way WWE does this is just stupid, I don't know what they think they are accomplishing, other than making their own announcers and production staff come off like dolts.

Needless to say, great match leading up to the cheap-but-necessary finish.

Also needless to say, after Rusev took care of Neville (with Cena's stupid "I won't ask for a rematch if I lose" stip, it looks like we now have a ready-made #1 Contender to Rusev after he wins the title on Sunday), he beat the crap out of Cena, ending with the Camel Clutch. Also, a huge "WE WANT LAH NAH" chant, which only served to make Rusev angrier, so he took it out on Cena some more before finally celebrating with the unfurling of the Russian flag.

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ROMAN REIGNS vs. KANE

Remember, the subtext here is that this match is for Kane to prove he's able to get behind Seth Rollins... so as Reigns makes his usual entrance through the crowd, Kane intercepts him as he's stepping over the barricade. He absolutely destroys Reigns, bouncing him off every piece of furniture he can for a couple minutes.

Then, they finish the circuit of ringside, and end up back by the announce table. Kane clears the table, with the intent of chokeslamming Reigns through it. But that's when Reigns shows signs of life. He fights out of the initial attempt, and after a quick bit of double reversey, Reigns hits a Superman Punch to stun Kane, and then spears him across the table.

Reigns stands tall, on top of the table, to close the segment.

Winner: None, because apparently, the match never officially started. Kane definitely put 100% into showing his loyalty. But Reigns still put him down, and is in good shape heading into Payback.

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BRIE BELLA (w/ Nikki) vs. TAMINA SNUKA (w/ Naomi)

Of note: Naomi didn't bring in random back-up to face off against the sisters. She brought in a relative of her own... Naomi and Tamina are, like, third-cousins-in-law, since Naomi married into the Samoan Dynasty, and Jimmy Snuka was a distant branch on that family tree.

Power offense from Tamina dominates early. Flashy babyface flurry for Brie, snuffed out by a stiff kick to the face, which ends it.

Your Winner: Tamina, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. Tamina looked a bit rusty (being out of action for 10 months will do that), so it wasn't completely smooth. But I think they got the basic story across... Tamina is a game changer when it comes to the Nikki/Naomi title match.

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Earlier Tonight (On the RAW Preshow): Renee Young was interviewing Curtis Axel, who once again broke into a spiel about how he hates it when guys just rip off legends from the past, and don't just do their own thing. All while wearing a red and yellow Axelmania t-shirt. In walks Damien Sandow, who channels "Macho Man" Randy Savage and challenges Axel to a battle of the Megapowers... Axel can't quite register the irony of the situation, acts indignant at first, and then finally accepts.

DAMIEN "MACHO MANDOW" SAVAGE vs. CURTIS AXEL

Axel's already in the ring, but Macho Mandow does a full Randy Savage ring entrance, and has the neon green tights and everything. Heh. When Axel started doing his Hulk rip-off, I actually called for Sandow to break off from Miz to start a tag team in which he would become the Macho Mandow, and form the Megapowers with Axel. But they jumped right past the SummerSlam '88 tag team (featuring Elizabeth removing her skirt in a Highly Formative Moment for The Rick) to the WrestleMania 5 death feud.

Oh well....

Oh, wait... as I was typing that, Sandow got the better of Axel, started going up to the top rope, and here come the Ascension... perhaps I got it right, afterall?

"Look at these two idiots, dressing like two old relics in a pathetic attempt to jump start their own careers," and so on and so forth, Konnor and Viktor said, unironically.

The Ascension make it to the ring, threatening to beat the crap out of the two pretenders. But Sandow and Axel turn the tables, and dominate the Ascension. With urging from Macho Mandow, Axel hits the big leg drop... Sandow goes up top, but Konnor pulls Viktor out of harms way before the elbow can hit (I begin to wonder if Sandow's 100% capable of hitting said elbow, which might be a bit of a problem).

The crowd boos, as the heels retreat, but then pop huge when Sandow and Axel recreate the Handshake of the Megapowers. Looks like they'll be tagging at least once. Megapowers vs. the Ascension has Perfect PPV Preshow Match written all over it.

Your Winner: Us, the fans, via delightful comedy.

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THANK YOU, BRYAN (Now Go and Get Well and STAY Well)

As promised, Daniel Bryan is here, and it's time to address the IC Title Situation and Bryan's injury status.

Bryan gets a huge pop and "DAN YIL BRY YAN" chant, but also has a look in his eyes that the news isn't all that great.

He admits that he's been in and out of a lot of doctor's offices the past month, and he's dealing with that. But the other thing he's dealing with is the fact that he doesn't cope well with down time. So whether he was cleared to wrestle or not, he had to get back here, to where the action is at, and to do SOMEthing to contribute for all the fans who've spent so long treating him like he's something special.

He takes us back to last year, and how the fans made all that happen for him. The Authority had no intentions of letting Daniel Bryan near the WWE Title. The fans forced their hand. He'll never forget that. He also flashes back to what Stephanie McMahon did, stripping him of the WWE Title when he was injured.

And it hurt like hell, but in hindsight, she was right to do it. Titles are to be fought for, not collecting dust. And that brings us to the InterContinental Title... Bryan says he got an MRI done last week, and it's not good... he MIGHT be able to come back in weeks, or months... but he might not be able to wrestle again. Ever.

So to ensure that the IC Title belt isn't in a gym bag in a physical therapist's office, but instead, it's right here, in this ring, where men like Wade Barrett, Dolph Ziggler, and Dean Ambrose can FIGHT for it... pregnant pause ... Bryan officially relinquishes the IC Title tonight.

The fans, sensing that this might be more than a "see you in a few months," fire up a mighty "THANK YOU BRY YAN" chant. Bryan tears up a bit, and makes sure that we know they've got it wrong. He thanks THEM for everything. Then he folds up the IC belt, and lays it down in the middle of the ring, before walking off into the sunset.

I sure as hell hope that that's not the end of Bryan's in-ring career. But even more so than that selfish hope, my main wish is that Bryan put his health and well-being ahead of all else. He's already lined up to be a part of the new "Tough Enough," and while that is not my bag, it proves that there's a lot he can still bring to WWE and the wrestling business... so long as he's not a quadriplegic. Get well, Bryan, and STAY well.

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A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE RING...

During their ring entrance, the New Day get a little extra cheap heat by referencing what just happened with Daniel Bryan, and accusing Bryan of bringing everybody down with his negativity, and now the New Day are here to bring us all back with their positivity. They implore the crowd to join them in Clapping it Up, because the New Dayrocks.

Cincinnati: "NO SALE. NEW. DAYSUCKS."

Once in the ring, the New Day introduce the concept of second chances. Everybody deserves a second chance. Well, except Pete Rose. BOOOOOOO~!

But Cesaro and Tyson Kidd, hey, why not. They'll get a second chance at the tag team titles, Sunday at Payback.

And now: Cincinnati, YOU get a second chance. So c'mon. NEW. DAYROCKS.

Yeah, that's not happening.

CESARO (w/ Tyson Kidd & Natalya) vs. BIG E (w/ Kofi & Eggsavier)

During Cesaro's entrance, Cole reveals that Sunday's tag title match is Best of Three Falls. YAY! [Hopefully they won't do that thing where they get the same amount of time as a one fall match, requiring the first two falls to happen in under 2 minutes, so the third fall can get 10. I hate that shit. Plus, with the Freebird Rules, you can actually play out a longer, extended match with full length falls and massive heat for New Day changing members on each fall.]

Match starts, and Cesaro comes out hot. He backs E into a corner, and starts the old Austin Mudhole Stomp. But he does it in rhythm so the crowd can chant NEW DAYSUCKS. It's the little things. Big E rolls out of the ring, and all of 30 seconds into the match, we break for....

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Back, and Big E is in control, working OO's second least favorite "submission" hold, the Abominable Stretch. Cesaro isn't having any of that happy crappy, though, and powers out to hit an impressive deadlift gutwrench. Wow. But when he tries to follow up, E catches him with a high impact uranage (a better Rock Bottom than the Rock ever did). But it only gets a two.

E whips Cesaro into the ropes, but Cesaro leaps up and hits a springboard twisting uppercut, for a two. Double Wow. Cesaro's the little guy in a match, and apparently, he's decided to wrestle like it. At least on that move. Because once that's over, he shifts back into power mode. Cesaro hits a hat trick of suplexes: two Germans, then a deadlift overhead suplex.

A couple of uppercuts, and Cesaro sets up for the Swing. Kofi goes to distract Cesaro. Kidd dispatches Kofi. Woods dispatches Kidd. Both E and Cesaro were distracted, but when they face off, Cesaro hits a flash pinning combo (a fancy one with a chicken wing and a leg scissors).

Your Winner: Cesaro, via pinfall, in about 6 minutes. Some nice feats of strength, but mostly just an excuse to keep the tag title feud rolling on towards Payback. Mission accomplished.

SURPRISE! Payback is this Sunday. But on May 31, WWE is serving up an impromptu PPV.... the Elimination Chamber returns on its own PPV, three weeks from last night. Huh, did not see that one coming, and here in my stream of consciousness I can muster only two notions off the top of my head: (1) "Well, that means they need to add 2 more guys on top of Rollins, Reigns, Ambrose, and Orton. Kane's one. But who's the other?", or (2) "Chamber Match for the Vacant IC Title, bitches! Bryan got us halfway there by naming Barrett, Ziggler, and Ambrose. Imagine Neville in there. Probably Sheamus, too. But who's the other?"

Not bad for off the top of my head, if I do say so myself. I really, REALLY like the idea of #2. We jsut did a tournament (KotR) and a Battle Royale of Importance (Andre), so we need something fresh... and nothing would reboot the IC belt in grander style than putting it up for grabs in the Chamber, as the main event of a PPV (even if it is an impromptu one).

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Backstage: the Prime Time Players are at it again, mocking the New Age Outlaws. They make sure we know it's all out of love and respect as Titus does a modified version of Road Dogg's ring intro, capped by DYoung saying that if we're not down with that, he's got THREE words for us.... Millions Of Dollars.

WYATT SPEAKS, RYBACK ACTS

The lights are out, and so are the Fireflies, as Bray Wyatt makes his way to the ring. Bray says he wishes it was different, but this is a world driven by fear. It's everywhere. Fear of a crumblign economy, fear of natural disasters, fear of military conflict... and yet, a few insist that they do not live in fear. They delude themselves into thinking they live without fear. So sure, Ryback shattered his ankle into a million pieces, and never once feared it was the end of his career. He worked hard, and he overcame the odds.

But he hasn't ever overcome anything like Bray Wyatt. So delude yourself however you want.... the truth that your parents never told you is that sometimes, the bad guy just wins.

Ryback's music hits, and he storms the ring. Wyatt stands his ground, and Ryback just steamrolls him. finally clotheslining him out over the top rope. Wyatt takes an inventory of the beatdown he just took, but seems to be doing it with a little smile on his face...

Welp, that was probably the best interaction of this little feud so far. But that's not really saying much; the bar was set pretty low.

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RANDY ORTON vs. SETH ROLLINS (Non-Title Match)

Rollins is flying solo (for now) due to Ambrose decimating J&J earlier tonight.

Back and forth punchy-kicky to start. Very basic stuff. Orton even knocks it down a degree of difficulty by busting out some of his old bad habits: the Garvin Stomp, and an overall sense of lethargy. D'oh. I thought he left that out when he was working as a babyface, but tonight, Randall is definitely daring us to give a shit.

Ambrose interrupts the molasses-like pace with a flash STO into the middle turnbuckle. Just like that, Orton's down, and Rollins is taunting, so we break for...

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Back, and Rollins is working a chinlock, because that is required of all heels coming out of an ad break. But Orton hates having his own patented move used against him, so he powers out, and Rollins has to string together a flurry of higher impact moves. But when he goes up top, Orton knocks one leg out from under him. Rollins is crotched on the top rope.

Orton proceeds to stroll around for a full 45 seconds before finally going up and hitting the superplex. I swear, I'm not just picking on Orton because it's my schtick... he's working such a distractingly slow pace that I almost wonder if he has some kind of a backstage bet to see how much dead air he can work into his offense. It's not just a backslide into the bad habits he has as a heel, it's like he's doubling the lethargy. That HAS to be on purpose, right? The question is, Why?

Anyway, off the superplex, both guys stay down, and the ref applies a double count. Orton up to his feet first, and the two start trading punches. The fans make their first real noise of the match, starting up a little game of YAY!/BOO!... Orton wins that, but then Rollins counters a corner charge by Orton, and goes to the second rope.

Orton catches him in mid-air for his pendulum power slam for his first real outburst of kinetic energy so far tonight. He gets a convincing two count off it. But then burns another 30 seconds before attempting the Hangman DDT as follow-up. Rollins counters by clotheslining Orton's neck over the top rope, and then climbing up top to hit a flying drive-by knee strike, for a two count.

Rollins takes HIS sweet time following up, and so when he picks Orton up, the two end up having a back and forth grapple that ends with Orton trying to win me back by hitting a lovely T-Bone Suplex. That's new, I think. Rollins rolls out of the ring, and by the time Orton goes over to fetch him, Rollins counters another Hanging DDT, hits an enzuigiri that sends Orton to the floor, and follows up with a Flying Goat Dive that drives Orton into the barricade.

Rollins tosses Orton back into the ring, and sets up for a Stinger Splash. Orton dodges, and tries to hit a Flash RKO. Rollins counters it into a schoolboy roll-up that only gets a one-and-a-half, as Rollins releases to load up a Low Superkick while Orton's still on his knees. Gets a two.

In a callback to the Extreme Rules finish, Rollins "coils" and sets up for an RKO of his own. Obviously, this doesn't fly. Orton counters it, and finally hits the hanging DDT on his third try. Orton coils, and that's when J&J decide to show up...

Your Winner: Randy Orton, via disqualification, in 12 minutes. Another case where the cheap finish makes sense, and it serves the over-riding storyline purpose. But unlike the previous instance of a cheap DQ, this was NOT a really good match preceding the necessary finish. In fact, it was pretty lacking up until the last couple mintues, and I already explained why. Don't believe me? Take the live crowd's word for it: this was a perfectly good and lively crowd that made almost zero noise up until the very end.

After the Match: Rollins recovered and joined in for a 3-on-1 assault on Orton. Then, Kane came out, and Rollins looked like he was worried; he even hid behind J&J as Kane grabbed a steel chair. But Kane just stood by with the chair when Ambrose and Reigns ran out to even the odds.

Inthe blink of an eye, Noble and Mercury powder out, and Rollins is alone in the ring with his three opponents at Payback. Rollins tries to escape. He gets the Dirty Deeds from Ambrose. Kane does nothing. So Ambrose picks Rollins up, and holds him so Reigns can hit a Spear. Kane does nothing.

So Ambrose and Reigns pick up Rollins, and feed him to Orton. RKO. Kane still does nothing.

Reigns doesn't like Orton's little celebration. So Reigns spears Orton. BOO!

But Ambrose is a lunatic, so he kicks Reigns in the gut and hits the Dirty Deeds. YAY!

Ambrose keeps an eye on Kane, who still does nothing but stand there with a chair, and closes out the show with a celebration as we fade to black...

And so ends the show... the main event was every bit as underwhelming as I made it out to be, but the final story/angle was the four-way interaction among the participants in Sunday's WWE Title Match. And that was done very well, with Ambrose getting the much needed moral victory (not just because he was in his home town, and it went over like gangbusters, but because he's the last man added to the mix, so he needed one moment to make sure everybody sees that he definitely fits with the other three).

And that's pretty much the story of the whole night: you had segments that, when taken as a whole, seemed to serve a purpose, but none that just knocked the ball out of the park. If a match had great action (like Cena/Neville), it had a crappy finish... if you got a red hot post-match angle, the match itself was crap... if two guys went out there and put a smile on your face with some hilarious hijinx, the next segment was a bracing slap of reality that put a lump in your throat...

So taken all together, that's a show that did the bare minimum to serve as Sustainable Episodic TV. But it also never really got into high gear and stay there. Too many noticeable hiccups and lapses to hand out a high grade.

Tonight's RAW, a paragon of adequacy, gets a final grade of C-plus. Bill McNeal would surely be proud of such a strong display of adequasivity, but I think we all hope WWE's planning on something substantially more compelling come Sunday.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.