OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
King of the Ring Returns
April 27, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

From the "Be Careful What You Wish For" File.... last Monday, I prefaced my recap with comments about how disappointed I was with Texas' first outbreak of severe weather. We got a Tornado Watch and all kinds of blustery hype, and got nothing but steady rain for about 30 minutes. Boo!

So, in response to my unimpressedness, Texas threw me a curveball on Friday night. There was no real hype or anticipation of bad weather. "30% chance of storms, some may be severe." And then, at 6:30, the tornado sirens go off, and I flip on the TV to hear that they've got a "Radar Indicated Tornado" in the TCU Area.

Which is about 2 miles from here. Speficially, 2 miles to the southwest, and the cell was moving east. D'oh.

I actually got a good scare put into me, as the TV weather guy started naming streets, and I started realizing, "Hey, that's my Kroger. There's my Walgreens." The cell wound up staying south of my exact location, and it also wound up not being an actual tornado... but there was significant damage in the neighborhood, and straight line winds of 80mph.

Yeah, I think I can say I've got that out of my system, now. No reason to continue threatening me with dangerous weather, Texas. I'm good. Thanks.

Anyhoo, that's not why you called. Here's what happened on this week's post-PPV edition of RAW:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those with ADD: OO does not recap recaps.

WHO IS NEXT? CORRECTION: WHO ARE NEXT?

We're live in Green Bay, WI, and Seth Rollins is on his way to the ring, and he's accompanied by Kane and J&J Security.

More recappening (in the form of still photos from last night) accompany him, as well. But once he finally gets to the ring, and gets a mic, he's here to gloat. Everybody thought Randy Orton had him backed into a corner... but in reality, Rollins had Orton right where he wanted him, and Rollins won ALL BY HIMSELF.

In the background, Kane gives a look of "You serious, bro?" but he doesn't speak up. Rollins pats himself on the back some more, especially for busting out the "SKO" (Seth KO)... and then he starts sarcastically thanking Kane for being a great "Cryptkeeper, ummm, uhhhh, sorry, what am I thinking. The Cryptkepper is a relic from the 90s that nobody cares about, and you're Kane, you were totally the Gatekeeper, and you did a great job keeping the gate, while I was in the ring doing all the work."

Kane finally decides to speak up, and says that last night was just like the entire past year: whatever success Rollins had, he owes it to somebody else, because Kane not only got involved physically, but he turned a blind eye to Rollins illegal use of the RKO. Kane wraps up by saying that all of Rollins' baffling and unearned success makes him WWE's version of Justin Bieber, which is way worse than being called a Cryptkeeper.

In addition to the unearned success, let us also remember that Rollins is a vaguely effete prettyboy who has not made a single defensible choice with regards to his hairstyle at any point in recent memory. ZING~! In any case, Kane's random jab appears to stick, as the crowd fires up a "JUST IN BEE BER" chant.

Rollins tries to shout over it with an indignant rant about how awesome he is, but is quickly interrupted by Randy Orton's music. Orton hits the stage with a mic and says he's not usually a guy who'd complain about somebody cheating to win... but when somebody in Rollins' own camp admits that Rollins cheated to win, Orton thinks that's grounds for a rematch.

Rollins says nope, Orton got his title shot and he lost, and it doesn't matter what Kane says, it's not like he's in charge, he's just the Authority's job boy.

Orton responds by calling Rollins "Catwoman," which is a nice try, but a whiff. I can feel some similarities between The Biebs and Rollins' on screen character... but the chasm between what I feel when I look at Rollins and what I feel when I look at Halle Berry is about 14 billion light years wide. Or, I guess, 11.5 billion if we're talking Anne Hathaway. But Halle Berry as Catwoman is probably the runaway leader for "Shittiest Movie I Watched All The Way Through Because I Have a Penis." Halle Berry's powers are mighty.

I digress. Orton's mockery of Rollins' outfit is snuffed out by Roman Reigns' music. Reigns comes down through the crowd, grabs a mic, and stands on the announce table.

Reigns points out that Rollins' is missing one member of his entourage... he's missing his Giant, because of what Reigns did last night. And speaking of what Reigns did last night, he thinks "With all due respect Randy, you lost, and I won, so I think if anyone is next in line for a title shot against Seth, or Justin Bieber, or whatever we're calling him tonight, it's me."

A big pop and another "JUST IN BEE BER" chant. And again, Rollins shouts it down, and declares that neither guy deserves a title shot, so they can just step aside, and he'll evaluate the challengers, and decide on his next opponent sometime soon. But not tonight.

That's when Kane speaks up... he says he's got no love for Orton or Reigns, so tonight, he wants to show them both what the Authority can do. Tag match is our main event. Rollins likes the sound of that.

But then, Kane says maybe it's not his call, but the next WWE Title Challenger is DEFINITELY not Rollins' call. Kane decides that what's Best For Business is if the WWE Universe decides... Rollins does NOT like the sound of that.

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DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. WADE BARRETT (King of the Ring Quarterfinal)

Both guys get little inset pretaped promos talking about what KotR means to them. Nice touch, I guess, but if WWE wanted KotR to be meaningful, it might have helped to hype it for more than 24 hours before it started, instead of just randomly pulling it out of their ass.

Match starts with about 45 seconds of Barrett pummelling away at Ziggler, then Ziggler with a flashy comeback until Barrett decides to bail out of the ring to regroup. Break in the action means we break for...

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Back, and Barrett's regrouping worked, he's firmly in control for a couple minutes. But when Barrett goes for the Winds of Change, Ziggler counters into a crucifix pinning combo.

Attempted Wastelands, and Ziggler counters into an Implant DDT for another near fall. Both men down, and the ref applies a double count.

But both men get up at 6. Ziggler goes for a superkick. Barrett blocks it, and hits Wastelands on the second try. Ziggler kicks out. Barrett loads up the Bullhammer, but Ziggler ducks and hits the superkick on his second try. Barrett kicks out.

But the game of tit for tat ends when Sheamus comes out on the stage and starts taunting Ziggler over last night's ass kissing. Ziggler falls for the distraction, and once Sheamus is done with the visual aids up on the Tron, Ziggler turns around and walks right into a Bullhammer.

Your Winner: Bad News Barrett, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Decent enough, but short and with a cheap finish that kind of underscores that these two were just grazing the surface of what they could be capable of if they were having a match that wasn't just a means to an end.

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TYSON KIDD (w/ Cesaro and Nattie) vs. BIG E (w/ Kofi and Eggsavier)

Before the match, Woods cuts a promo trying to convince the fans to chant "NEW. DAYROCKS." The crowd is having none of it. Also, Woods is wearing one of the belts (Kofi is left without one), and JBL makes a specific reference to how it appears the New Day will be defending under "Freebird Rules."

Fast start for Kidd. Big E bails out. Kidd follows and hits a big kick, then rolls E back into the ring. E hits a clothesline, and then Woods reaches up and holds Kidd's ankle down. The ref misses it and counts to three.

Your Winner: Big E, via pinfall, in 90 seconds, tops. Woods is really taking to the cheating... but this win doesn't change the fact that Cesaro and Kidd are still due an obligatory title rematch.

Last Night: John Cena retained the US Title, but Lana petitioned the Authority, and now, Rusev will get another shot at Payback, and it'll be an "I Quit" Match.

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RYBACK vs. BO DALLAS

Ryback dominated their interaction last night at Extreme Rules, but that wasn't an official match. That was Ryback being a lowbrow miscreant, and so Bo will give him one chance to admit his mistakes, and just walk away before Bo makes him pay.

Ryback declines, and the match is on. Bo does get off to a surprisingly fast start. He's not smiling or hamming it up, he's deadly serious and pissed off.

But when he cinches in a sleeper, Ryback powers out, hits the Meathook, and then hits Shellshock. Thanks for playing, Bo.

Your Winner: Ryback, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. We got a glimpse of what a focused Bo Dallas looks like. But Ryback still squashed him.

After the Match: the Pregnant Belly Freeze Frame plays on the Tron, and then the lights go out. When they come back on, Bray Wyatt is standing behind Ryback.

He attacks. Flash Sister Abigail, then the upside down taunt over Ryback's carcass.

Welp, that answers the question of who Wyatt's been talking to in his latest round of cryptic promos. New question: is Bo Dallas' involvement in all this coincidental, or might WWE ready to reveal that he's actually Bo Wyatt?

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JOHN CENA OPEN CHALLENGE

Cena's already got a title shot lined up for the Payback PPV, but he's still gonna keep defending the US Title every week against anybody who wants to step up. The Open Challenge remains, ummmmmm, Open.

Before we find out who steps up tonight, Cena talks about the "I Quit" match, and how he respects Rusev for not being a quitter, for coming at Cena again and again and again, and taking him to the limit. But all good things must end, and at Payback, Rusev will say "I Quit" and it will be the final chapter between Cena and Rusev.

And he's not just talking about it being Rusev's last shot... he's talking about not asking for a rematch if Rusev wins. Because if Rusev can make Cena say "I Quit," then Cena will have disgraced his country, and he won't deserve a rematch. Cena vs. Rusev for the US Title will NOT happen again after Payback.

Well, uhhhh, so there you go... that's WWE pretty much telegraphing the fact that Cena's gonna stop slumming it on the midcard. He's going to lose to Rusev, and then because of his own random added stipulation, he won't have to keep fighting for it. Whatever.

Cena's said his piece, and now he wants to know who's stepping up this week...

It's Heath Slater, who comes out on the stage, and cuts some hilarious babbling about how he's gonna take the US Title and have his own open challenge, the Slater Double Check, which something something something Aaron Rogers isn't as awesome as Slater. BOOOOOOOO~!

Then Rusev comes up from behind Slater and takes him out with a kick to the head. So much for this week's Open Challenge.

Lana briefly appears at Rusev's side, but when the fans cheer for her, Rusev tells her to get lost. Unlike last night, she actually screams back at him, presumably because Rusev is the one losing matches, and she's the one doing all the work getting him rematches... so she deserves a little bit of the spotlight. But Rusev just glares, and she finally demures.

Lana walks away, and Rusev does his own talking. He knows he will win at Payback, because if there's one thing he knows, it's that John Cena is an American, and all Americans are weak, cowardly quitters.

The Russian flag unfurls behind Cena, and Rusev's music plays to close the segment.

Backstage: Rollins is talking to Kane, and wants to know exactly what he was talking about when he said he'd let the WWE Universe decide his next opponent.

Kane says it's simple. Orton makes a good case. Reigns makes a good case. So he's gonna let the WWE Universe vote on the WWE App. At Payback, they'll decide if Rollins will face Orton. Or if he'll face Reigns....

Or (wait for it... wait for it...) if he'll face both in a Triple Threat Match. Even though we all saw this coming a mile away, Rollins flips out, and acts like he's never heard such kooky talk. Kane just smiles and says he has made his decision, and now, it's in the hands of the WWE Universe.

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R-TRUTH vs. STARDUST (King of the Ring Quarterfinal)

I said it in my little RAW Preview on the Forums, and the inset pretapes confirm that Stardust would make a GREAT crazy-ass cosmic king, if somebody other than the four favorites gets the upset win. I think that'd be pretty awesome.

Stardust comes out strong, and it's about 30 seconds in when Truth is already our Time Compressed Face in Peril. At the three minute mark, Cody settles in with a modified double noose chinlock thingie. Truth fires up out of that.

Scissors kick misses, spin kick hits. Stardust kicks out. Stardust tries for Dark Matter, but Truth counters it into a roll-up. Stardust kicks out. Stardust goes for the Disaster Kick, but Truth catches him in mid-air with the Lie Detector.

So much for our Cosmic King...

Your Winner: R-Truth, via pinfall, in 5 minutes. Very time compressed, and the final spot was a bit sloppy/awkward. Or maybe I'm just salty because I would have loved to see how insane Cody would have gone if you added a crown to his gimmick.

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FANDANGO vs. ADAM ROSE (w/ the Menagerie of Hipster Wangnozzles)

Fandango apparently now enjoys, ahem, Dancing With Himself, but Rose still has his entire menagerie. As it turns out, advantage: Rose.

Because one of the Rosebuds was actually Rosa Mendes, who danced in Fandango's general distraction, causing a distraction. Party Foul, and it's all over.

Your Winner: Adam Rose, via pinfall, in 2 minutes flat. After the match, Rosa grabbed a mic, said she can't believe that Fandango picked "them" over her, and then proceeded to mouth-rape Adam Rose, because he appreciates her. I'm sure this all made Pyro very happy. In his pants.

Backstage: Renee Young catches up with Brie Bella, and is snooping around for any information she might have about her husband, Daniel Bryan. Brie gets all weepy, and delivers 2 messages: (1) they don't know what's wrong with Daniel, so it's still gonna take some time, and Daniel misses every second he's away from WWE, and (2) they are grateful for all the concern.

At this point, Naomi blindsides Brie, and says nobody cares about her, her husband, or her sister. Boo? [Remember, it was Brie and her sister who cheated to beat Naomi last night.]

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BRIE BELLA (w/ Nikki) vs. NAOMI

If you missed it last night, here's your first look at Naomi's new look/entrance. I assume you'll agree that it's the purest heel ridiculousness, which is what she should be going for if WWE's intent on forcing this double turn scenario.

Naomi immediately settles in for a heel beatdown, using her size and strength. Brie finally starts her rally with a hair-assisted facebuster slam, hits both the running knee and missile dropkick in homage to her fallen man, but can only get a 2 count.

Then, when she goes to pick Naomi up to continue, Naomi uses her flexibility to kick Brie in the head, and then rolls her up for the win.

Your Winner: Naomi, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. I've got my issues with the Bellas allegedly being babyfaces, but I've got no problem with Naomi continuing to be a featured player, regardless of her orientation. She's just damned solid.

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DEAN AMBROSE vs. SHEAMUS (King of the Ring Quarterfinal)

During an inset pretaped promo, Ambrose says that if he's King, he's instantly rescinding all taxes on ale, and banning all Pop Nu Country. OO hereby endorses Dean Ambrose for OOverlOOrd of All Creation! I don't know how he arrived at those two issues, but he's truly tapped into the hearts and minds of OO Nation.

Well, at least OO. I guess your mileage may vary.

Bell rings and Sheamus tries to impose his bullying will, but he finds that Ambrose isn't really THAT small, and also: he's crazy and will fight back hard. The result is a lot of awkward-but-believable-jockeying-for-supremacy. Finally, Sheamus' bullying wins out over Ambrose's creativity and spunk.

Minibeatdown ends with Ambrose manages to chuck Sheamus out of the ring... but when he tries to follow up with a plancha, Sheamus moves out of the way, and Ambrose hits the Abort Button. As Sheamus gloats about ruining Ambrose's plan, and as Ambrose sells his frustration, we break for...

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Back, and Sheamus parlayed his plan-foiling into a full-on heel beatdown. In fact, he's working the Classic Chinlock of Comebackfromcommercialry. As he continues working over Ambrose and snuffing out various hope spots, he throws in a few "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINEDs" for cheap heat.

Ambrose manages to hit his rebound clothesline, and both men are down. Ref applies a double count, then both men up at 7. Ambrose seems to win the fisticuffs, but Sheamus kills the momentum with a tilt-a-whirl. Then, he calls for the Brogue. Ambrose ducks behind and hits a schoolboy. Sheamus kicks out at 2, but Ambrose's rally is officially on.

Sheamus into the ring post, and then he gets that plancha on Take Two. Back in the ring, Ambrose whiffs off the top rope, and Sheamus hits another backbreaker. Sheamus goes for White Noise, Ambrose turns it into a small package. Kickout. Ambrose goes for Dirty Deeds, Sheamus counters into the Cloverleaf.

After a lengthy battle, Ambrose does get the rope break, but the damage is done. Sheamus makes the mistake of gloating about that, before going for the Ten of Clubs. He gets zero clubs. Ambrose elbows out and clotheslines Sheamus' neck over the top rope. Standing Elbow Drop, and Ambrose gets a convincing two count.

Sheamus decides to roll outside to safety, but Ambrose follows, and they start brawling near and on the announce table... they could well be so into brawling that they'll both get counted out...

But then Sheamus hits a flash Brogue Kick, and is about to break the count and get the win. So Dolph Ziggler runs out and attacks Sheamus. Instead of winning by count-out, Sheamus wins by DQ, but honestly, Ziggler didn't change the outcome of the match, but don't tell that to Ambrose.... cuz he's PISSED.

Your Winner: Sheamus, via disqualification, in about 12 minutes. Pretty good stuff, helped by the fact that the top half of the bracket played out in such a way that a face WILL advance out of the bottom half, but Neville's a viable option, so this wasn't a clearcut win for Ambrose.... ambiguity goes a long way in making me care about a match. And here, we had it in spades, leading up to the admittedly cheap finish.

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YOU'RE WELCOME, EVERYBODY

Damien Sandow is standing in the middle of the ring, in a plain black t-shirt, and he's once again holding the microphone like a snifter of brandy. He does beg our indulgence, but gets cheered for it.... and he thanks the fans for that, and says it's time for him to explain a few things, and reveal the truth about some misconceptions.

You see, his name is Damien SANdow (YAY!), and three years ago, he came out here in a blue bath robe and a superior attitude, and well, some of that worked, but some of it, not so much. And before too long, he was pulled aside backstage, and told "Hey, you're just not very entertaining." BOO~! Sandow, with a smirk, "You said it, NOT me."

But yeah, so this whole last year or so, when the fans have been thinking Sandow lost his mind, he was on a VERY purposeful quest to be the most entertaining guy on the show. YAY! And on this, Sandow gladly agrees with them, and shares a few of his greatest hits on the Tron. It worked, Sandow is PROUD of his Year of Humiliation, because he accomplished exactly what he set out to do.

Then he gets to "Mizdow," which he knows cost him a lot of respect with his peers, and it's not like he enjoyed the whole time.... but "Mizdow" is the hook that earned him the respect of the fans. He thanks them, because without this break, he may well have lost his job months ago. Fans: "THANK YOU SAN DOW." Sandow, breaking into an even BIGGER smirk: "YOOOOOOUUUUU'RRREEEEE WELCOME!"

Big pop. I'm teary eyed. That was a long time coming.

But then, here comes Curtis Axel to ruin it. Axel has the gaul to declare that there's nothing he respects less than somebody whose entire act is predicated on stealing another man's gimmick. Heh. Then, with no hint of irony, he asks, "Whatchya gonna do...."

Sandow, lousy with irony, decides to join in by imitating Axel: "Whatchya gonna do...." and so forth, until Axel orders him to get out of the ring. Sandow will not be doing that, so Axel charges.

A quick brawl is won by Sandow, using the Hulk Up and the Big Boot. But then, when Sandow comes off the ropes, he interrupts the Leg Drop of Doom to deliver a Very Special You're Welcome Elbow Drop. Axel rolls out of the ring, while Sandow celebrates the moment with some generic music that I'm sure will be replaced soon enough.

I loved that segment. I didn't love the very end game with Sandow wanting to stay Miz, rather than just proudly rebooting after breaking away.... but here, we got the justification, and the understanding that Sandow was on a quest, it was successful, and he picked now to be the moment of his rebirth. Good times.

Freeze Frame: and it's time for some words from Bray Wyatt. Now that we know he's talking to Ryback, he gloats about how Ryback is such a simple man, easy to figure out, and easy to dominate. Bray knows what drives him, and he knows what scares him. What you saw tonight, was only the beginning. RUN!

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NEVILLE vs. LUKE HARPER (King of the Ring Quarterfinal)

The flip side of the "ambiguity coin" I mentioned during my assessment of Ambrose/Sheamus is that we kind of have a foregone conclusion, here. Neville sort of has to win, as he's also the odds-on favorite to make the finals against Barrett. I'm sure the preferred narrative is that he's totally a huge underdog (and his strength is working that style), but c'mon, it's obvious: he's already got the sparkly cape! [Also, Barrett needs revenge int he finals for what Neville did last night.]

The inset promos have Neville talking about how his favorites all made their names in KotR, and he wants to live up to their legacies. Harper just talks crazy, but does it oh so well.

Playing against the "underdog" narraitve, Neville wins the first exchange with his speed, capped off by an awesome flying rana out on the floor. But when he takes it back into the ring, Harper picks him out of mid-air on a springboard move, and we're back to where we expected: Harper is kicking ass as we break for....

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Back, and Harper is working, you guessed it, a CHINLOCK. Are we getting to the point where I can reasonably just assume WWE it trolling us, or have they not really caught onto the fact that we caught onto this 8 years ago?

Neville, thankfully, manages an escape, and uses his speed to start a big run of high flying. Top rope Asai Moonsault, springboard missile dropkick, lots of good stuff. First near fall comes off a standing moonsault.

But then Harper hits a superkick, and that's the end of that chapter. Half-nelson suplex by Harper. Then Neville flipped through a powerbomb (YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB NEVILLE!). German for a nearfall... but then an attempted Frankensteiner is countered, and it turns out you CAN powerbomb Neville! Sit-out Powerbomb, no less, for a convincing near fall.

"This is awesome," says the crowd.

With Neville in trouble, Green Bay's next move is to chant "ENN EX TEE," which is kinda lame, you jerks. It meant something (it was an act of defiance) when you'd chant "EEE CEE DUB," but now, you're just opting to NOT cheer for the MAN and cheer for a different cog in WWE's corporate machine.

[Side bar: JBL tries to put Neville over, saying he could be the first ever high-flying King. Then, JBL remembers, "Well, Owen was pretty high flying." And without stopping to think about what he was saying, Booker said, "Yeah, but gravity didn't forget Owen." Not in a jokey, I'm-so-naughty-I-did-a-zinger voice, either, just completely matter of fact. So I know he didn't mean it, but it's still the shittiest possible thing you can say about a guy who died by falling 70 feet from the rafters. JBL probably shouldn't have even mentioned it, but nobody would have thought anything of it, without Booker tagging it the way he did.]

Harper sets up Neville for a superplex, but putting Neville two ropes closer to the top rope is a bad idea. Neville punches out of it and stuns Harper with a big Splash Mountain. Then, back up top, and the Red Arrow hits. That'll do.

Your Winner: Neville, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Nothing special, but JBL did make a spot-on comment early on, "Styles make matches, and I think this clash of styles is gonna click." A big monster versus a tiny underdog, and that archetype works, even in the absence of anything especially clever or memorable.

Neville advances, and the same narrative could play out tomorrow against Sheamus... but I do think there's another element in play, there. Ziggler "screwed up" his interference tonight, and "helped" Sheamus win (note: not really, Sheamus was already gonna win, Ziggler just changed it from a count-out to a DQ), so I think you can have Ziggler deadset on making sure Sheamus loses, so it's not a straihgt do-over of tonight's underdog story.

Also, what if Ziggler decides to show up and just purposely punch Neville in the face as soon as the bell rings? Holy shit, that could be cool. Barrett has an actual match against Truth (but c'mon, it's not like it's anything but a glorified squash), so Ziggler shows up and gives Neville the sneaky Bye into the finals, where Neville is the "fresh" man, but is also once again the undersized babyface. But also: he's already beaten Barrett, so it's ALMOST like he's now the odds-on favorite?

So many layers, so much fun you could have with it... and more than anything, Neville becomes a viable winner in that situation, which is glorious, since almost every other scenario telegraphs Barrett as the obvious winner.

But now that I've brainstormed all of that, I'm sure it'll be just like always: I started rambling off the top of my head, and fantasy booked something I like so much that nothing WWE actually delivers will satisfy me. I'm the type of fan WWE hates. Except for the fact that I never fantasy book unrealistic things, and they're free to steal them, so it's not like I'm the wanker who wants to have a surprise return of CM Punk or Sami Zayn debuting as WWE Champion.

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RANDY ORTON & ROMAN REIGNS vs. SETH ROLLINS & KANE (w/ the New Stooges)

The "JUST IN BEE BER" chants are mighty as we start, so WWE might have accidentally stumbled upon something. Bieber is every bit as untalented and insufferable as advertised, but lately, he seems willing to make an ass of himself, in the name of convincing people that he's got a sense of humor about how everything "thinks" that about him, even though he knows they secretly respect him. [Note: that Comedy Central Roast had at least 2 guys who weren't roasting Bieber out of "respect," and it was pretty obvious.] Maybe WWE can parlay that into something for SummerSlam, where Bieber actually shows up in support of Rollins.

"Hey, Justin, we know we say a lot of bad things about Rollins, and we're drawing the comparison over to you. But here's the secret reality: the REAL fans know that Seth Rollins is incredibly skilled and respect him immensely. They just like booing him. So that's so totally you, amirite?!?!"

The two together could be insufferable in a handful of interactions. All you'd need to really take it over the top: Jon Stewart retires in August 6. He'll have a BUNCH of free time, leading up to SummerSlam. Which is in New York. Ahem. Reigns/Stewart vs. Rollins/Beiber, and Lesnar just shows up and destroys them all. I'd pay more than $9.99 for that.

But I digress. [Also, I admit that this bit of fantasy booking -- while probably feasible -- is not exactly easily accomplished. So it's unfair of me to go there. But hey, WWE started it by reaching for a chant!]

Rollins starts,b ecause he doesn't trust Kane. Reigns starts, and when he gets an edge, graciously tags Orton in. So they'll be working together, even though they are ostensibly trying to win over fans and prove they deserve the Payback Title Match. Well, maybe they've just done what we all did: they don't care, because they know it's a Triple Threat. We all know Orton's a pretty stupid man, but even HE can see the writing on the wall, here....

So the good guys make frequent tags, and dominate Rollins. Rollins scurries away, and tags in Kane. So the good guys repeat the process, and dominate Kane for a few minutes.

Awkwardly, Cole starts throwing to a commercial break, then decides not to. Instead, he waits until Kane makes a comeback, puts a beating on Orton, and then Rollins tags himself into the match. The bad guys are now back in control, suddenly, so it's now OK to break for those....

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Back, and Rollins in dominating Orton.... WITH A CHINLOCK~! Oh, the ironing. Orton doesn't like the whippersnapper using his own move against him. Use the RKO against him, and Orton just stays down. He can cope with that; it's not even his, he stole it from DDP. But he's the MASTER OF THE CHINLOCK, he's spent more match-years sitting in a chinlock than any other man alive, and he will not be disrespected like this!

So Orton fires up, and gets separation after a belly to back suplex. He gets the tag to Reigns. Kane comes in on the corresponding move. But it's all Reigns, as he goes to town,. Rollins tries to get involved, but Reigns chucks him out of the ring, and then lowbridges Kane when Kane charges. Both guys are now in a heap outside the ring, and Reigns wants to get airborne on both of them.

But as he bounces off the ropes, J&J reach up and trip him up. The ref misses it, and this allows Kane to get back in the ring and resume the heel beatdown. The narrative here is that Reigns' whole gimmick is taking a beating, but always coming back.... but now Kane's delivering a beating AFTER the beating Big Show delivered last night. How can Reigns' possibly come back from this?

Very easily, it turns out. Kane slaps on the never not uncompelling bearhug, and goes for a submission. Reigns fires up out of it. Kane stomps him down, but after a bit of back and forth, the two are trading punches. Reigns counters a punch with a suplex. Advantage: suplex. This creates the separation he needs..... but he can't quite make the corner, as Rollins tags in and breaks up the hot tag.

But after 15 seconds, Reigns powerbombs Rollins and THIS TIME he gets to the corner for the hot tag. Rollins cannot make his corner. So Orton goes to town on the champs. Nice spot where Rollins avoids the pendulum powerslam, but then goes for a springboard, and Orton turns it right back into said pendulum powerslam.

It's nice enough that Kane decides he has to interject, as he breaks up the fall. Reigns in, and it's a Pier Four Brawl, kids. Pier Sixer, briefly, when the Stooges try to interfere, but they are quickly dispatched. As a result of one of their distractions, Kane outgrapples Reigns, and gains control. But Rollins tries to pile on by hitting a dropkick while Reigns is trapped.

Reigns escapes, and Rollins dropkicks Kane. Kane rolls out of the ring, and one assumes he'll be far less cooperative from here on out. Reigns has a few more exchanges with Rollins and the Stooges, but he isn't legal, and powders out after Rollins knees him out of the ring.

We're back down to Orton and Rollins in the ring, and everybody else out of it. Orton wins an exchange, and sets up for the RKO (the very RKO he couldn't use last night! PRETEND TO CARE~!). But Rollins fights out of it, and backdrops Orton out of the ring, on the same side of the ring as the other bodies.

Rollins decides to fly. He goes for a big plancha onto the sea of humanity, but the sea parts, and Rollins crashes into Kane. D'oh.

Rollins is not in great shape, since he landed hard. But it was more a grazing blow to Kane. So Kane gets to his feet first, and he is not happy. He clobbers Rollins a few times, and then just tosses him back into the ring, not caring about his Authority Duties, anymore.

Superman Punch from Reigns. RKO from Orton. Orton makes the pin, and it's all over.

Your Winners: Randy Orton and Roman Reigns, via pinfall, in about 12 mintues. Pretty basic stuff, but there's a reason why the formula is The Formula. When done correctly, it always yields the right answer. Here, the personalities involved added plenty of character/story so that the merely serviceable action still popped. Especially the part where Kane once again got pushed just a bit too far, and wouldn't go the extra mile to protect Rollins. With the main idea being that Rollins is a product of outside help, and now, he's against two viable challengers at once, I think that's a job well done. You don't want to run out and youtube it, but if you know it's what happened, it should start you off as moderately intrigued by the next PPV.

Speaking of Which: after the match, Kane grabs a mic, and reveals what we all already knew. The PPV will be headlined by the Triple Threat Match (it won the vote in a landslide). Duh. But OO already made its peace with this anvil 2 hours and 45 minutes ago, so why stay salty? With the foregone conclusion, they did the main event in a way that maximized our ability to take pleasure in Rollins' pain. Ahhhhh, schadenfreude!

Reigns and Orton won, but their celebration is secondary. It's not like their friends; in fact, they are opponents at the PPV. So our last visuals are Rollins in dispair, and Kane looking like he's sorry, but not really. Then, we fade to black....

And so ends the show... kind of got off to a slow start, but I thought there was some solid stuff you could sink your teeth into in the show's second half.

The last pair of KotR matches were very good, and the tag main event was a successful implementation of formula. I also can't overstate how much I enjoyed Sandow's segment.

So we're basically adding Reigns as a wrinkle to the existing WWE Title Picture, and then we've got a bunch of rematches set for Payback (which is one of WWE's increasingly rare short, 3-week turnarounds)... Cena/Rusev, New Day/Cesaro&Kidd, Nikki/Naomi. We've also successfully added Ryback/Wyatt to the docket.

Bryan's absence, and exactly how KotR plays out are the reamining mysteries for WWE's short term direction... that grouping of Bryan, Barrett, Ziggler, Sheamus, Ambrose, Harper, and Neville will have those two "titles" to fight over, and only time will tell what combinations will emerge. In addition to Bryan's injury status being up in the air, you can also MAYBE wonder if Ziggler and Ambrose won't occupy some sort of gray area, if Ambrose wants to get salty about Ziggler's interference (even though Ambrose was already gonna lose)... that could set up interesting chemstiry for a multi-way match (which, in turn, could be a way to "hide" Bryan in a PPV match, where he wouldn't have to carry a whole match).

We shall see.

So, on the whole.... little bit of a slow start, and I feel like WWE left money on the table by just randomly doing KotR on 24 hours notice, leaving it up to US to convince ourselves that KotR is a big deal, instead of making it a big deal on their own. But by the end of the 3 hours, I was reasonably entertained, and interested in what's coming up next.

Not a home run of a show, but I feel pretty good about handing out a grade of B for the night.

See you in 7, OO Nation...

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.