OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Brockzilla
March 30, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

I stand behind my very positive review of WrestleMania 31, and as it turns out, I'm not even in the minority, or anytyhing. Everybody loved it, and for all the same reasons.

But I do have to explain one thing: I said "That's not how MitB works," and I guess some of you were confused...

I'm not denying that the guy who wins Money in the Bank has a blank check where he can cash in on the champ at any time, no questions asked... I'm just saying that there is no precedent for cashing in mid-match, and the ref just turns it into a Triple Threat.

Every past cash in has been a cash-in ON THE CHAMP, not ON THE SITUATION. The idea has always been that you wait for the champ to be vulnerable, and then you beat him for his own belt.

That isn't what happened last night. Rollins waited till both guys were vulnerable, and even then, it wasn't a slam dunk, either way. And in the end, he pinned Roman Reigns to "cash in" on Brock Lesnar.

So I'll repeat "That's not how MitB works." Or, anyway, "That's not how MitB has worked, historically." But also, nobody's ever tried to cash in this way, before, so like I also said, "I don't give a shit, this is still cool." In my mind, the logically tight thing would have been Rollins shows up, mid-match, and cashes in, but he's now running a SEPARATE SINGLES MATCH against Lesnar, cashing in against the champ.

But as is often the case, I'm objectively smarter than 99% of everybody else, so I think way too hard about shit. The thing that passes my test for logical infallibility isn't how WWE did it. They just turned it into a Triple Threat. And in the end: everybody loved it. Hell, I loved it.

I just don't think it fell in line with any past, proven precedent for MitB cash-ins. In fact, I think it violated the overriding concept/spirit-of-the-cash-in (if you don't have to cash in on the champ, the door is now open to all kinds of sleazy chicanery in which a MitB holder manipulates things into a random multi-way match and then finger-poke-of-dooms some stooge who is part of that match), but there's also no precedent which forbids what WWE did last night.

So there you have it: that's my explanation/amplication of my point. Your mileage may vary, but I think that at the end of the day, we're all in agreement that last night was lots of fun.

As for tonight? Let's find otu what just happened on the post-WM edition of RAW:

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc, and we’re live in San Jose, CA, where Cole & The Gang take a few moments to welcome us, but then we need to shoot it to the ring, cuz Brock Lesnar is on his way out to kick off the show.

BROCK DEMANDS SATISFACTION~!

Lesnar, accompanied by Paul Heyman, is sporting multiple lacerations from last night’s battle, and is greeted to a massive chorus of cheers, one which only gets louder when Heyman introduces him as the most non-PG asskicker of the PG Era.

Heyman reminds everybody that his client did exactly what he promised to do last night, just utterly dominating Roman Reigns. Suplex suplex suplex, over and over again.

The crowd fires up a “SUE PLEX SIT TEE” chant. Heyman shushes them, and corrects them, “I believe you mean Suplex City, BITCH.” The crowd pops, and even Brock can’t help but smile.

Heyman resumes his narrative, in which Brock Lesnar is basically toying with Roman Reigns, and all credit to Reigns for surviving it, but he’s still got a way to go before he can beat Brock Lesnar. So keep it up, kid, you’ll make it some day.

And this is the part of the story where that slimy little bastard Seth Rollins comes out and turns things into a triple threat in which he pinned Roman Reigns and did not defeat his client, the WWE Champion, Brock Lesnar.

Heyman says that his father is a prominent lawyer, and so Paul’s got some legal insights into this matter, and so he’s apprised his client of his rights, and Paul’s ready to go to a local court, get an injunction, get last night’s decision reversed and get the WWE Title held up for months by the legal system.

Unfortunately, Brock Lesnar thinks all lawyers are scumbags, and doesn’t want to go to court. He wants to go back to Suplex City, and he wants to take Seth Rollins with him. And he doesn’t want to do it at SummerSlam. He doesn’t want to do it at WrestleMania 32. He doesn’t even want to do it at Extreme Rules.

His client wants to invoke his rematch clause right here, tonight, on RAW. HHHUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGEEEE pop for that.

Then, Stephanie McMahon hits the stage and tries to get a few words in. But the live crowd is enjoying chanting “RON DA ROUSE SEE” at her.

Finally, Steph is able to talk over them, saying that Seth Rollins had a busy day, representing WWE as their new Champion on the Today Show, and he did a great job and everything… but as a result, he’s not here at RAW, yet.

BOO~!

But, all signs point to him making it here soon enough, and once he gets here, Steph thinks she knows him well enough to say that Seth will be a fighting champ and he’ll be up to the challenge.

YAY~!

Steph leaves, and Paul tags the segment by offering up a Spoiler. Tonight, his client, Brock Lesnar will wrestle, live on RAW, for the first time in over a decade. And by the end of the night, it won’t be Lilian Garcia, it will be Paul, himself, who introduces us to the new undisputed, undefeated, unstoppable, WWE Champion, Brock Lesnar.

Also Tonight: we visit again with Cole & The Gang who say that Rollins vs. Lesnar would make for THREE title matches tonight. Because we’ve already got John Cena issuing an Open Challenge for the US Title, and coming up next, it’ll be Daniel Bryan defending his new IC Title against Dolph Ziggler.

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DANIEL BRYAN vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER (IC Title Match)

Full boxing style ring intros by Lilian. Wade Barrett, the former champ, is sitting in on guest commentary, and makes sure we understand that Brock’s not the only man who lost a title without losing the match last night.

Bell rings, and Bryan and Ziggler don’t do anything other than circle each other, and the fans start chanting “THIS IS AWE SOME” in anticipation. The clean, rule-abiding feeling out is short lived, as Bryan goes straight to fisticuffs… and Ziggler responds by declining to give a clean break in the corner (instead, he hits a sneaky headbutt while the ref is trying to separate them).

We are reminded that this bad blood really started a few weeks ago, when both guys decided to focus on the IC Title…. and in singles action, Ziggler cleanly defeated Bryan twice, only to have Bryan win the title last night. There’s plenty of frustration and annoyance to go around.

The prickly heat is there on both sides, and after a criss cross, there’s a collision that sends both men flying out over the top rope. Break in the action means we break for….

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Back, and Ziggler has taken over, and is heelishly crossfacing Bryan. But when Dolph goes for a Stinger Splash, he whiffs, and Bryan takes control. After a hattrick of corner dropkicks, Bryan hits a big backdrop superplex, getting a near fall, and another “This is Awesome” chant.

Bryan warms up the YES~! Kicks, but per usual, he misses on the big super duper mega wind-up YES~! Kick, which allows Ziggler to hook the leg and get a roll-up. Then, an extended back and forth grapple (both guys going for a backslide) ends with a draw, so they release…

Bryan blocks a Zig Zag, but Dolph fires back with a flash superkick for a convincing near fall. Ziggler actually just falls down on top of Bryan, and Bryan just barely rolls a shoulder.

Both guys are slow to get to their feet, and once they are there, they start trading punches. The fans just go ahead and chant YES! for both guys.

Then, mirroring last night, they shift from punches to headbutts. But unlike last night, Dolph is the one who is able to wind up and hit the big, difference making headbutt, which sends Bryan reeling back into a corner.

But with his last ounce of strength, Bryan rebounds out of the corner with a high running knee, and makes the cover. One, two, and three.

Your Winner: Daniel Bryan, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. Good match, no doubt, with the prickly heelishness adding a certain layer of intensity that made it feel a lot more draining and exhausting than a 12 minute match would normally be, if that makes sense. The finish, piggybacking on last night’s finish, is one of those little touches that I really enjoy, too.

After the Match: Wade Barrett got up from commentary, and pearl harbored Bryan, and then put the boots to Ziggler, too… jerk.

But then, Sheamus’ music hit, and he ran out, sporting a new look (a big mohawk and braids in his beard)… he stared down Barrett, and Barrett just left the ring. He wanted none of Sheamus.

But Sheamus didn’t really want any of Barrett. The Albino Warrior is back to his heelish roots, and he just beat the ever loving shit out of both Bryan and Ziggler, ending with a Brogue Kick for each.

He got nuclear heat for this, and by the time he had wrapped up and was posing and preening, the crowd decided to treat him to a “YOU LOOK STOO PID” chant. Heh.

Sheamus did pick up a mic, and teased that he might have an explanation for us. But instead, he just said, “I’m back,” chuckled, and threw it down.

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CESARO/TYSON KIDD & THE ASCENSION (w/ Natalya) vs. THE LUCHA DRAGONS & THE NEW DAY (w/ Eggsavier Woods)

This is the WWE debut for the Dragons, who defeated the Ascension for the NXT tag titles 4 months ago. In fact, the bell rings, and the fans start a mighty “EN EX TEE” chant.

Kalisto gets the crowd out of their seats and cheering after a kick-ass sequence against Cesaro. Cesaro has had enough, and tags in Konnor. Rather than reprise their NXT feud, Kalisto brings in a power man to counter him. It’s Big E.

Woods immediately tries the rhythmic clapping, and the crowd once again usurps it for their own purposes, by chanting “NEW. DAYSUCKS” along to the beat. The Ascension pretty much impose their will against the babyfaces, leading to a break for…

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Back, and Cesaro is working over Sin Cara, leading to the Swingus Interruptus. But then Sin Cara gets separation after an enzuigiri, and gets a hot tag to Kofi. Tyson Kidd in on the corresponding move.

Kofi’s on fire for about 45 seconds, until Cesaro blind tags in while Kofi’s focused on Kidd. Cesaro catches Kofi with a debilitating elevation uppercut… but then Konnor decides to tag HIMself into the match, which annoys Cesaro. So the two bicker, and Kofi makes a tag to Kalisto.

It’s Kalisto and Konnor who are legal, and Kalisto pops the crowd with some more awesome offense that requires Viktor to break up a pinfall, and in turn, a Pier 8 Brawl breaks out.

When it finally settles back down to Kalisto and Konnor, Kalisto hits the Salida del Sol, and that’s that.

Your Winners: the Lucha Dragons and the New Day, via pinfall, in 10 minutes. But honestly: Kalisto won everything. That was one hell of a debut, and he just owned the hell out of it. It's funny, but he nailed it in a way that Sin Cara didn't 3 years ago, and now, his tag partner is "Sin Cara" (a different, not-as-botchy guy is now under the mask, and relegated to sidekick), but it's Kalisto we're all talking about. Good action, and a very effective debut for the Dragons, at a time when the Usos aren’t gonna be available as #1 Contenders, and we need fresh challengers for Cesaro and Kidd.

Backstage: Paul Heyman walks up to Lesnar. He says he can’t believe it, but Seth Rollins is here. So it’s go time… Lesnar breaks into a grin, gets up, and starts heading towards the ring.

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Coming Soon: Adrian Neville gets an introductory vignette. And thank Odin, there are no signs that he’s a space alien or whatever that happy horseshit was… [seriously, Vince wanted him to be a spaceman or something]

SETH ROLLINS (w/ J&J Security) vs. BROCK LESNAR (w/ Paul Heyman) (WWE Title Match, Not)

Rollins gets a healthy pop, but the crowd is still a Lesnar majority. We once again get full boxing-style ring intros by Lilian. That's twice, which is just fine by me, as Lilian is looking quite dandy tonight in a highly flattering green sparkly dress.

But then, when the ref asks Rollins to hand over the title belt, Rollins suddenly gets cold feet. He dives out of the ring, and grabs the mic… it turns out he’s feeling a little jet-lagging, and so he’s so totally a fighting champion, but it wouldn’t be fair to the fans or to Brock if Rollins wasn’t at his best when he gave Brock his rematch.

So yeah, Brock can have the rematch. Just not tonight.

Brock explodes and dives out of the ring and grabs Rollins as Rollins tries to escape into the crowd. Brock throws him back into the ring, and sets up for a German, as the crowd goes nuts…

But Seth is able to flip through and land on his feet, and tries to stun Lesnar with a flash enzuigiri. Lesnar no sells that happy crappy, and Seth panics… he dives out of the ring again, and tries to escape into the crowd again.

Lesnar catches him again.

This time, Lesnar sets up for an F-5, but the New Stooges swarm, and pull Rollins to safety. While Lesnar busies himself with demolishing J&J with clotheslines, Rollins finally does complete his escape, running through the crowd to safety.

Lesnar sees this, and loses his mind. He just flips the commentary table over, with Cole, JBL, and Booker still behind/underneath it. Mercury is added to that carnage, while Noble goes into and over the German Announce Table, taking those guys out.

Brock is still not satisfied, so he goes and finds Michael Cole’s carcass, throws it into the ring, and with the crowd egging him on, delivers a vicious F-5. The way Cole's suit coat got in the way and covered his head somehow made it all the more wicked, because it made us imagine the impact of his skull, and we imagined the worst.

Then, he decides to F-5 a cameraman.

Stephanie McMahon comes out and implores Lesnar to let the poor guy down. He’s an innocent employee, so come on, let him down, and let’s be professional about this.

Lesnar F-5s the guy anyway.

Steph says that’s enough; Lesnar is insubordinate, he’s a danger to himself and others, and he’s suspended. Indefinitely. She leaves.

Heyman tries to calm Lesnar down, and get him to leave peaceably, so he can start working his backstage magic…. but the crowd is egging Lesnar on with “BULLSHIT” and “ONE MORE TIME” chants. Lesnar decides to pick up the camerman and F-5 him again, just for shits and giggles.

Then, and only then, does Lesnar decide to leave the ring.

That. Was. Awesome. Intellectually, I know it was only done because Lesnar's never gonna be an every-week kinda guy, and this gives them some leeway for his absenteeism, but still... as far as excuses for absenteeism go, this was mind-blowing. I mean, I know I wouldn't want fricking Godzilla showing up to where I was at every Monday, so on a night when Brock made all of WWE look like terrified Japanses villagers, maybe it's a good thing he's not coming around again for a bit.

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We Have No Announcers: with no announcers, we get a bunch of clips, rerunning what just happened, interspersed with live shots of medics tending to Cole and the cameraman.

Finally, after about 5-6 minutes of that, somebody told Renee Young to do something, so she tracked down Stephanie McMahon, and sought clarification about Lesnar’s suspension. Is he still owed a title rematch? If not, is that breach of contract, and can Brock go elsewhere? All kinds of questions…

Steph is a bit flustered, but catches on to what Renee’s suggesting… she finally declares that Brock is still owed that title match, but he will only get it when SHE says so, and in the meantime, Brock is signed to a WWE contract, and he can’t go anywhere else. “He signed that contract, so that means I OWN that son of a bitch.” Oooohhh, snap.

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DAMIEN MIZDOW vs. STARDUST

Byron Saxton is flying solo on commentary, as Cole is on his way to a hospital, and both JBL and Booker are getting treatment backstage.

Also, Sandow is still doing the full Mizdow schtick, so I guess instead of breaking out on his own, the story here is gonna be him getting under Miz’s skin by doing “Miz” better than Miz does. Fans are 100% behind him.

Meantime, while the fans are 100% behind Sandow’s silly alternate persona, they infuriate Stardust by refusing to acknowledge his (they chant “Cody” at him). In fact, Stardust’s attempts to silence the crowd allow Sandow to catch him with the Skull Crushing Finale, for a relatively easy win.

Your Winner: Damien Mizdow, via pinfall, in 3 minutes.

After the Match: Sandow tried to celebrate, but was attacked by Miz, who laid him out and then verbally berated him, saying Sandow’s nothing without Miz, and Miz is the star and Sandow’s a joke and yadda yadda yadda. He gets nuclear heat for his antics.

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ADRIAN NEVILLE vs. CURTIS AXEL

Axel prefaces the match with a promo about how it took 29 men to eliminate him from the Andre Battle Royale, proving that the entire WWE Roster fears him. But fear not, AxelManiacs, because Curtis has big plans for the next PPV, and the Road to AXtreme Rules starts now!

And that gets a nice pop… which gives way to a bigger pop when Neville is revealed as Axel’s opponent. Of note, Lilian DOES call him “The Man Gravity Forgot,” so that part is sticking around. But apparently, his first name isn’t. She says he’s just “Neville.”

What the hell is WWE’s problem with first names?

Whatever, it doesn’t change how impressive the guy is. If you’re a regular NXT viewer (and you should be), you know that already. If this was your first exposure to the guy, youu’ll catch on quickly enough.

Your Winner: Neville, via pinfall, in 2 minutes. Just a flat out showcase for Neville, capped off by his amazing Red Arrow finisher.

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JOHN CENA’S OPEN CHALLENGE

Cena has a new t-shirt, riffing on an old one of his. It has “The Champ is Here” with an arrow pointing down, where a picture of the US Title belt is at waist level.

As Cena grabs a mic, the audience tries to boo him out of the building… and Cena tries to kiss up to them, saying the crowd the night after WrestleMania is always the best one of the year. He even congratulates them on being the largest collection of aspiring vocalists of the entire year.

On cue, they fire up the “JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKKSS” sing-songy chant. Cena enjoys the moment, but then gets serious, saying whether they like it or not, THE CHAMP. IS. HERE.

And tonight, the champ wants to fight. He wants to give these fans what they deserve, and he wants somebody back there behind that LED board to step up and grab the brass ring. So c’mon, somebody, anybody, get on out here, and COME. GET. SOME.

Saxton thinks it’s gonna be Rusev…. but it’s not. It’s Dean Ambrose, who gets a big pop.

JOHN CENA vs. DEAN AMBROSE (US Title Match)

Lilian again with the full boxing-style intros, and I’m still not sick of enjoying her rocking of that little green dress, so it’s all good by me.

Saxton is in awe that Ambrose is even standing, much less wanting to fight, given the powerbomb through the ladder last night. But here he is.

Bell rings, and Cena is able to win the early feeling-out stage, while the crowd continues to verbalize their strong preference for Ambrose. The first little flurry by Ambrose causes Cena to back off and collect his thoughts. As Cena paces outside the ring, we break for…

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Back, and Cena has not only embraced his role as a heel, but he’s following Heel Rule #1 For Coming Out of a Commercial Break… he’s working the dreaded Chinlock!

Also, Jerry Lawler has joined Saxton, so there will be slightly less awkward silence.

Ambrose fires up out of the chinlock, and gets a mini-flurry… but when he goes up top for his flying elbow, Cena dodges, and plants him. Cena sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Ambrose blocks it. Cena sends Ambrose into the ropes. Ambrose goes for his rebound clothesline. Cena blocks it. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. BOO~!

Cena goes for the F-U, but Ambrose escapes and hits his rebound clothesline on the second try. Ambrose tries Dirty Deed, Cena tries countering into another F-U, Ambrose elbows out.

They start trading right hands, as the crowd plays YAY/BOO. Cena gets the better of it, backing Ambrose into a corner… but Ambrose comes back by turning it into a Tornado DDT for a near fall.

Ambrose up top, and watches as Cena tries to roll out of the ring to safety. But nope, Ambrose just leaps all the way down to the floor, hitting his flying standing elbow in the process. Holy shit.

Ambrose has to work hard to hoist Cena’s dead weight back up into the ring, and when he does, it appears Cena was playing a bit of possum, because when Ambrose approaches, Cena catches him with a flash F-U.

But Ambrose kicks out at 2. Cena brings out the big guns, setting up for an F-U off the middle rope. But Ambrose fights out, and tries to flip over into a powerbomb… the move gets a little botchy, but they get to the desired point, which is Cena rolling through, picking the ankle, and cinching in the SSTF.

It takes every last bit of strength, but Ambrose is able to get a rope break. Cena makes the mistake of soaking in the “JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKSSSSS” chant, so when he goes for the F-U again, Ambrose escapes, and locks in Cena’s own STF.

Cena gets the rope break. Another back and forth grapple. Cena tries for another F-U, Ambrose escapes again, and turns it into Dirty Deeds!

Cena kicks out at 2.

Both men slow to get up. Once they do, they trade punches, albeit verrryyyyyyyy sllloooowwwwwwwwlllllyyy… then, Ambrose makes a tactical error. Instead of unloading with a haymaker, he sneaks in a bitchslap. Cena snaps, and fires off a flurry of punches, tries for the F-U, Ambrose escapes, bounces off the ropes and comes at Cena with a crossbody. Cena rolls through and in one smooth motion, hoists Ambrose up to his shoulders and hits the F-U.

One, two, and three. It’s done.

Your Winner: John Cena, via pinfall, in 15 minutes. Awesome match, incredible second half, especially. I’ll go ahead and declare it youtube-worthy if you missed it. Definitely better than Bryan/Ziggler, and I don't care if it costs me my Smart Mark Membership Card for saying it. [Also, you should youtube Brockzilla's rampage. It wasn't a match, but it was a spectacle.]

Backstage: Renee Young is standing by with Seth Rollins. She wants to know how Seth feels about Brock Lesnar’s suspension. Seth is 100% in agreement with the suspension, but not because he’s afraid to face Lesnar… because he’s afraid of Lesnar doing something to embarass this great company. Clearly, he cannot be trusted to represent WWE. But Seth? Seth is now The Man, and he’s gonna stay the Man for a very long time.

Enter Randy Orton, who reminds us that before Rollins cashed in, he got pinned by Orton at WrestleMania. So the way Randy sees it, Rollins may have gotten lucky with regards to one of his problems, but a new one just popped up, because Orton wants that belt.

Enter Big Show and Kane. Seth says, OK, you’re a problem, Randy. But now, you’ve got THREE problems staring you in the face. Seth issues a challenge: if Randy can dig up two partners before the end of the night, he’d love to face Orton in a six-man tag.

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AJ LEE, PAIGE, & NAOMI vs. THE BELLA TWINS & NATALYA

AJ is wearing a Bayley t-shirt, which probably means nothing, but on a night when NXT has already made an impact, why not delude ourselves with visions of the most adorable diva in the system getting called up to hug us all into submission?

Nattie and Naomi start, and the crowd is very appreciative of the quality back and forth work… but then, Nattie takes control, and tags in Brie, signaling the start of more of a heel beatdown segment.

Match spills out of the ring, and all the women swarm for a staredown, as we break for…

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Back, and Brie is working over AJ, so it’s still a heel beatdown, just with a change in personnel. Nattie comes in to take a turn. Nikki finishes the trilogy of beatdown. And the crowd amuses itself by chanting “The Bellas SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK” to the tune of John Cena’s theme song. Heh.

Nikki’s beatdown builds up to a bow-and-arrow submission that really takes advantage of AJ’s bendiness. Ouch, is all I can say. AJ’s able to fashion an escape, and gets separation. Nikki tries to stop the hot tag, but instead, AJ rams her head into the turnbuckle, and then hands things over to Naomi.

Naomi rattles off a few moves, but then Nattie comes in, and it breaks down into a Pier Sixer. In the chaos, Brie tried to join in on an illegal doubleteam, but Naomi dodged, and Brie collided with Nikki.

Naomi followed up with the Buttbutt (or, “Rearview”), and that was that.

Your Winners: Naomi, AJ, and Paige, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. Who can say how serious WWE is about a long term reemphasis on the women’s division… but they knew full well that the post-WM crowd would react positively to a well-worked women’s match, and so they let these 6 go out and deliver the goods. Very solid match, and with yet another talented challenger, in Naomi, added to the mix.

Backstage: Randy Orton is seen chatting up Ryback. That's the one I wasn't 100% sure about. The other is obvious.

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This Thursday: based on tonight’s events, SmackDown’s main event will be Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus and Wade Barrett. Also, John Cena, Roman Reigns, and Randy Orton will all be on hand.

GOLDUST vs. RUSEV

Back to no Lana, as I alluded to last night in the WM Recap. But Rusev did decide to keep the Soviet Windbreaker of Evil fromm last night’s ring entrance. Sweet. If everything else about his presentation is stuck in the 80s, so should his outerwear!

Meantime, we’re all adults here, so let’s not pretend this is something it wasn’t.

Your Winner: Rusev, via submission, in 2 minutes flat. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened.

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RANDY ORTON, RYBACK, AND ROMAN REIGNS vs. SETH ROLLINS, BIG SHOW, AND KANE

Reigns was the pretty obvious sixth man, here, although there may be some tension arising from the fact that Orton seems to have leap-frogged Reigns as #1 Contender… but we’ll see.

There’s no J&J, for obvious — Lesnar-related — reasons, but Big Show made sure to get the Andre Trophy brought down to ringside. Last year, the Andre Trophy didn’t make it 24 hours before destruction… then again, there’s also a suspicious purple velvet “skirt” around the bottom of it, so maybe it’ll serve as a prop in a different way?

Bell rings, and it’s Ryback kicking things off for his team, but when he overpowers Kane, sending him out over the top rope, Big Show and Rollins saunter over to huddle with him… and that’s when Roman Reigns decides to try to get back in our collective good graces by getting a running start and hitting a big-ass flying plancha, over the top rope, and onto the whole bunch of them.

With that, all the heels are down, and all the faces are pretty proud of themselves, so we break for our final….

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Back, and Orton’s in control, and MIRACLE OR MIRACLES, he’s NOT working a chinlock! He’s dropping knees and stuff on Kane, but it doesn’t last. Kane gets some separation, tags in Rollins, and Rollins is able to muster a bit of offense.

He’s also able to make sure to get out of dodge so Big Show and Kane can do the heavy lifting for a Face in Peril segment. The fans aren’t exactly rallying behind Orton, instead choosing to chant various things like "We Want Lesnar," (OK, makes sense), "HOW YOU DO IN?" (yeah, I like Enzo, too, but that's a stretch), "Same Old Shit" (at Kane, so really, now you're just being dicks, crowd), and finally "JUST REE TIE ER" (at Big Show, which is the most ignorant wankerspew of all time, and now you're hurting the show, idiots). And then, finally, they just give up paying attentnion entirely, and do the wave, because it turns out the night's biggest swerve is that they are terrible.

Rollins even has to stop, mid-beatdown, to look and marvel at the sight. But then he realizes it’s already 5 after the hour, and this is live TV, so he better get back on script. He screams at the crowd to cut it out and pay attention to him, because he’s the champ, and this is his show.

The crowd responds by chanting “We are Awesome,” which makes me hate them all the more for their insulated bubble in which there is no need to comprehend how the rest of the world views you. But the outburst by Rollins serves as a distraction that allows Orton to hit a superplex, and then make the “hot” tag to Reigns.

Kane comes in on the corresponding move, but the crowd boos like mad as Reigns goes to town on him.

Big Show comes in to lend a hand, and it breaks down into a Pier Sixer. Well, a Pier Fiver; as soon as Rollins senses things going downhill for his team, he hightails it up the ramp.

Ryback takes out Show with an impressive Shellshock. Then Orton manages to snap off an RKO on Kane, and Reigns follows up with a Spear to get the pin.

Your Winners: Roman Reigns, Randy Orton, and Ryback, via pinfall, in about 8 minutes. On a great night of action and storytelling, this was no action, and pretty predictable/bland storytelling. Not bad, mind you, just not really a satisfying climax when the entire undercard owned it. The good guys share a tenuous moment of celebration; they aren’t friends so much as they have shared enemies. We also get a final look at Rollins, looking on in combined relief/annoyance at how things played out, before we fade to black.

[Oh, and WWE also worked in a hamhanded plug for Sting showing up on the WWE Network after RAW went off the air, to make a major announcement. I’ll save you the trouble: he said he didn’t know what the future holds, and he’s not gonna campaign for anything, because he’s happy and content with his career. But should WWE see fit to throw any work his way, he wouldn’t say no. The crowd chanted “Undertaker,” but instead, they got Bo Dallas, who came out and told Sting what an honor it must be to be in the same ring as Bo Dallas. Bo ate a Scorpion Death Drop, and the segment ended with Sting celebrating the moment that WWE stupidly DIDN'T give him last night after everybody else powdered out. All told, it lasted about 5 minutes.]

And so ends the show... and yeah, it ended tamely. But not lamely. The main event was tepid compared to the rest of the show, but in a utilitarian sort of way, it gets us where we need to be with regards to the main event scene.

Rollins is the champ. Orton just put himself at the front of the line. But then Reigns goes and wins the match for his team.

If I had total magical powers over WWE, I might have still opted to do the Lesnar angle last, but in the bigger picture, this is the necessary play if the WWE Title is to have a compelling cast of players surrounding it until Brock next comes around. So yeah, that main event was a let down compared to the rest of the show, but it wasn't terrible.

Or maybe I'm just over-compensating for how terrible those idiot fans were at the end of the show... OK, even if you'renot mesmerized by the main event, you still got 2-plus hours of awesome sauce, so don't pretend like you're within your rights to pull THAT douchey, priviledged horseshit when the last 10 minutes aren't quite up to your requirements.

I digress. Things are looking good, coming off a great PPV... even without Lesnar, we saw what Rollins/Orton could do last night, and now, they might be doing it in an environment where there's more sizzle. Hell, Reigns might provide that extra sizzle, which is fine by me.

The IC Title is in great shape. Bryan, Ziggler, Barrett, and rebooted Sheamus will be a pleasure to watch fighting over that belt.

The US Title is probably still gonna end up being Cena/Rusev again, but man alive, it also provided tonight's #2 highlight. Nothing was gonna touch Brockzilla, but Cena/Ambrose gave it their best shot.

The tag titles just got the necessary booster shot, in the absence of the Usos ( until we figoure out just how bad Jey's shoulder is).... Kalisto is here, and he brought a tag partner with him! Cesaro/Kidd vs. Lucha Dragons oughta own. Kalisto got more over in 5 mintue tonight than the Ascension has in 3 months.

Women's Title is interesting, because of backstage buzz about how WWE's front office wants to do more with the women after they got called out by the Give Divas a Chance hashtag... and now, they just had a great 12 minute match which introduced Naomi to the title hunt. Oh, and AJ was wearing Bayley's t-shirt, too. Also: there's Charlotte.

Some good things happening. A very solid follow-up to WrestleMania, in my book, mixing one GIANT storyline bit (Lesnar) with some really above-average in-ring work (IC, US matches, plus the divas match), so once again WWE found a satisfying mix of content that meant I scratched multiple itches and never got too bored.

Not even when they spent over 45 minutes on replays of Last Night and Moments Ago. That's WAY too much, WWE... just way too much. But for one night, when a lot of those replays were -- for once in a blue moon -- worthy of being replayed, I wont' bitch too hard about it. Just keep an eye on that, aight?

Coming off a solid Grade-A WrestleMania, we'll go ahead an call tonight's RAW an A-minus. The only knocks: the amount of FF'ing I had to do, and the fact that the main event was merely serviceable, instead of a fitting climax to the show.

See you again next Monday, OO Nation. In the meantime, you can feel free to thank me for all of OO's WrestleMania Weekend coverage, by dropping a donation (a couple bucks are appreciated, and if your generosity allows for more, my appreciation only goes up!), via PayPal.

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.