OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Retroactive Gravitas
March 24, 2015

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Welp, I'm back in Texas, and that's why I'm a day late getting this recap out to you fine OO Readers.

On the upside, now that I'm getting ready to post this, it turns out that news has just broken that Brock Lesnar renewed his WWE contract, and will be staying with the company past Sunday's WrestleMania.

No terms were announced, other than the vague mention that it's a "multi-year" deal, and that Brock has pretty much written off any possibility of returning to UFC/MMA in the future. The toll it took on his body just does not make it feasible for him to perform there at a high level.

Now, all of a sudden, the greatest weakness of Sunday's WrestleMania 31 becomes on of the show's greatest strengths.... there's no longer a need for WWE to figure out a satisfying climax to the show that will be Lesnar's last; such climaxes exist, but would have been very high risk plays, and WWE is not known for taking huge risks like that at WrestleMania. We're talking about letting Lesnar walk out of the company with the title, or deciding to run with Seth Rollins as the champion of the company on the biggest show of the year.

As a result, we fans all feared WWE would do the expected (and underwhelming) by having Roman Reigns beat Lesnar, and then continue on as the conquering babyface hero.

Now, you can have Lesnar win, as he's sticking with the company. If he wins, you can go lots of different directions with him. You can even have Reigns win, now, because the backlash against him (which will be mighty and inevitable) can be channeled towards a heel turn (Reigns as a new Heyman Guy could work), and it'll make for good TV.

Possibly even better TV the next night on the always mutinous post-WM RAW. But before we get to Mania and the post-Mania RAW, here's what happened last night, on the last night when we all just assumed Brock was leaving:

Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc, and we're live from Los Angeles, CA, where it's the final edition of RAW before WrestleMania. Cole & The Gang welcome us, with all sorts of promises of awesome things, but frankly, I don't care what they are promising, because Sting is already on his way to the ring.

STING SAYS ONE THING, STEPHANIE SAYS THE OPPOSITE

Sting gets the ring, on the 14th Anniversary of the RAW/Nitro Simulcast, when WWE took over WCW, and he's finally gonna speak. Sting immediately references himself as the last soldier standing from "some long forgotten war." He's not here to fight for WCW, because that would be ridiculous at this point.

He's here because he's watched what Triple H has done over those 14 years, and he's taken the industry in entirely the wrong direction, so Sting figures his last, best legacy would be to take HHH down.

Instead of HHH, it's Stephanie who comes down to the ring.... she completely fails to grasp Sting's opening comment about how fighting for WCW would be ridiculous, because she just taunts and taunts and taunts about how Sting must feel great after all those years in the bush leagues, and WWE is the best and Monday Night War and you lost we won yadda yadda yadda.

Then she says Sting is just an old dog, and sure you can paint him up, but you can't teach him any new tricks, and come to think of that, that analogy is an insult to dogs, so Steph takes it back, and says that just like WWE beat WCW, HHH is gonna beat Sting on Sunday.

Sting lets go with a big WHOOOOO, Steph winds up to slap him, Sting catches her wrist, and the two stare each other down until HHH's music starts. Sting lets Steph go, and awaits Hunter. HHH pauses to grab Sweet Lady Sledge, at which point Sting produces a baseball bat.

HHH is suddenly a bit more cautious. The crowd keeps trying to egg him on, but HHH keeps retreating. Sting tries to goad him into the ring, dropping the bat and promising just fisticuffs, but HHH wants no part of it. When Stephanie steps in front of him, he finally backs off for good.

Well, compared to most everything else Sting and HHH have done, this was pretty red hot, because they've hardly done anything. The mere fact that Sting spoke was HUGE and exciting.... but compared to, you know?, something with half a brain behind it, it was lacking. Honestly, the narrative here amounted to Sting saying this has nothing to do with WCW vs. WWE, then Stephanie insisted that everything we need to know is that WWE beat WCW. Bzzzzzzzzt.

But still, if you could hit the "PAUSE" button on your brain, and just buy into the sizzle, not a bad way to start.

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DEAN AMBROSE & R-TRUTH vs. STARDUST & LUKE HARPER

Wade Barrett, once again in physical possession of his IC belt, is sittign in on guest commentary. Nice little feeling out process to start, with all four guys getting in a short or three.... but when Ambrose gains some traction against Harper, Stardust comes in, a four-way brawl breaks out, and the good guys get the better of it.

Stardust and Harper are in a heap outside the ring, Ambrose and Truth are standing tall in the ring, so we break for...

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Back, and Stardust is dominating over Ambrose... apparently, Harper was able to hit a big boot during the break, and Stardust tagged in to continue the onslaught.

Ambrose continued as the face in peril for a good 3-4 minutes, then hit a tornado DDT on Harper. Hot tag to Truth, corresponding move to Stardust, mini Pier Four brawl settles back down quickly, and Truth hits the Lie Detector on Stardust.

Your Winners: R-Truth and Dean Ambrose, via pinfall, in about 8 minutes. Straight forward tag template, with Truth getting a little late rub, so that he still sorta maybe kinda feel like he's on part with Bryan/Ziggler/Ambrose as threats to Barrett's title. He's be 95% comic relief, so far, but it never hurts to remind us that he's a capable wrestler.

Vote: Randy Orton has a match tonight, and the fans get to decide: does he face Big Show, Kane, or Seth/J&J in a handicap match. In other words, Orton fans, you can watch your legartic hero in boring singles match.... or you can watch him in a potentially excellent match, but against three guys!

Earlier Today: Miz (w/ Damien Sandow) interviewed Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart about their new movie. In so doing, they got onto the issue of stunt doubles, and they both got very supportive of Sandow, which pissed off Miz to no end.

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RYBACK/ERICK ROWAN/ZACK RYDER/PTPs vs. MIZ/SANDOW/THE ASCENSION/ADAM ROSE

Bill Simmons is sitting in on commentary, talking about a possible 30 for 30 on Andre the Giant, as these 10 guys represent a preview of the Andre Memorial Battle Royale. When the topic turned to Bill's opinions of color commentary, Simmons went off script and said his favorite was Jesse Ventura, and then opined that JBL has set the position back 10 years.

Basic story of the match had the heels (except for Sandow) taking turns dominating the faces... then Sandow finally tagged himself in, and hit all of one move, before Miz insisted on tagging back in. Sandow obliged, and Miz got destroyed by Ryder, then a tag to Ryback, and that does not end well.

Eventually, a Pier 10 Brawl breaks out, with the Ascension clearing the ring. But once it was back down to the two legal men, Ryback crushed Miz with the Shellshock, and Sandow barely made a half-assed dive in an attempt to make the save.

Your Winners: Ryback & Co., via pinfall, in 7-8 minutes or so. Simmons was fun, Miz/Sandow remains the best story in the Battle Royale, and Ryback is the only other guy not named Big Show or Kane who might win. Missions accomplished.

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RANDY ORTON vs. SETH ROLLINS & J&J SECURITY (Handicap Match)

Well, the fans have spoken, and they want the handicap match.... and as soon as the bell rings, we see the method behind WWE's madness. It's basically Orton vs. the Stooges, which he can actually win... and then Rollins stays far far away, which (allegedly) whets our appetites for Sunday, since Orton can't get his hands on the guy.

And that's exactly how it plays out. Rollins does try one sneak attack, after the Double Hangman DDTs on the Stooges, but powders out, and Orton hits the RKO and pins Noble. Whee.

Your Winner: Randy Orton, via pinfall, in about 4 minutes. I get what they were going for, but it still felt like a pretty lame waste of time, compared to where Orton and ROllins have been the past few weeks. But at least I didn't vote in that inane poll; THOSE people wasted even more of their time.

Backstage: Nikki Bellas has offered a Women's Title Match to AJ or Paige.... they just have to decide which one of them wants it. And now, AJ and Paige are meeting up to talk about it... the passive aggressiveness is so thick you can cut it with a knife, and it looks like the Bellas' ploy to turn the two against each other (before their tag match at WrestleMania) is working....

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NIKKI BELLA (w/ Brie) vs. PAIGE (w/ AJ Lee)

Paige has taken the match, but AJ is there to support her. For now. Full boxing-style ring intros by Lilian, and we're off...

Stong start for Paige, and Cole runs down the latest WWE-approved version of what #givedivasachance means... in short, it means that a true diva doesn't have to conform to any specific look or attitude, it just means being yourself, and being accepted for who you are. Which is actually a really great message, and all, but it has nothing to do with why that hashtag exists.

Then Brie helped Nikki to turn the tide, and Paige went crashing out of the ring, so we break for...

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Back, and it's pretty much just in time for Paige to start firing up. They start going back and forth with big moves, until the first convincing near fall by Nikki (off an Alabama Slam). Nikki's frustration causes her to delay in going for the Rack Attack, so Paige counters into the RamPaige... when Nikki kicks out, Paige gets frustrated.

Paige charges, and she and Nikki both go tumbling out to the floor. Brie starts circling the two, so AJ comes over to prevent Brie from doing anything. ... but as soon as she turns and drops Brie with a punch, Paige comes up from behind to tell AJ to settle down. But out of instinct, AJ just flattens Paige with an elbow, thinking it's Nikki.

Bzzzt.

AJ is clearly upset as Nikki tosses Paige back into the ring, and gets the pin after the Rack Attack.

Your Winner: Nikki Bella, via pinfall, in 7-8 minutes. Very solid match, with adequate action and an abundence of story.... this whole thing was the Bellas idea for sowing dissenssion between AJ and Paige, and it wound up working even better than they could have hoped. It even continued after the match, when AJ asked forgiveness, but instead, Paige just kicked her ass.

Another Vote: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler is coming up later tonight, and the fans get to pick the Special Guest Referee.... will it be Barrett, Ambrose, Truth, Stardust, or Harper? Truth or Stardust would be my vote, for sheer comedic possibilities... but my guess is Ambrose, sicne he's easily the most popular of the 5.

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AXELMANIA RUNS MILD

Snoop Dogg comes out, claiming that something called "SnoopMania" exists, and he's throwing his weight behind WrestleMania on Sunday.

But then, WWE's other resident Mania shows up.... it's Curtis Axel, claiming that all other Manias pale in comparison to AxelMania. Apparently, he and Snoop had a war of words on Twitter (which is a good way to make sure I never see or hear it), and as a result, Snoop has a little surprise for AxelMania.

There's only ONE Mania recognized by Snoop Dogg, and it's here tonight....

"Real American" fires up, and out comes Hulk Hogan to a huge pop.

After Hogan puts Snoop over, he gets dismissive towards Axel.... Hogan turns to Snoop and asks, "Brother, you might know better than me: what's this cat smoking, dude?"

Everybody has a laugh, but then Axel rips off his t-shirt and tries to bum rush Hogan. It doesn't go so well. Hogan drops Axel with a punch, and then lets Snoop finish him off.

With Axel out of the ring, Hogan and Snoop do a tag team posedown, which really only serves to remind us that despite all the stereotpyes, not all potheads are powerless against munchies.

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CESARO/TYSON KIDD/NATALYA vs. LOS MATADORES/EL TORITO

They're calling it an "interspecies" rematch from last Thursday... but it's mostly serving as an excuse to talk about the disposition of the tag titles held by Cesaro and Kidd. It's now official: the titles will be defended on the WM Preshow, in a four-way match (also including the Usos and the New Day).

Though Jey Uso was cleared to participate, my guess is he's less than 100%, which is why they're doing the 4-way, and hiding it on the preshow, rather than giving it a full 15-20 minute PPV showcase (hopefully, the Usos vs. teh Champs will get that slot at Extreme Rules).

Match is a lot like last Thursday, maybe a bit more athletic focus on the guys for 5 minutes or so... but then, it melted down into comedy as Nattie and Torito did a few spots, in which Torito countered the powerbomb finisher from Thursday, and turned it into a pinning combo of his own. The Usos look amused, but know nothing's exactly been proven....

Your Winners: El Torito and Los Matadores, via pinfall, in 6 minutes or so. Uneventful, but also inoffensive.

Backstage: Wade Barrett is enjoying some private time with his title belt... and in walks Kane, who demands to take possession of the belt. From now on, Barrett may be the champion, but the belt is possession of the front office. Barrett can see it again on Sunday, when it's hanging above the ring.

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RUSEV vs. JACK SWAGGER (Non-Title Match)

No Lana. Still no Zeb, either, but lets face it, he's not the one you're missing. But regardless, we're all adults here, so let's not pretend this is something it wasn't.

Your Winner: Rusev, via submission, in 4-5 minutes. It took longer than I would have thought, but then again, I was going to start drowsing off after it took much more than 20 seconds.

After the Match: Rusev refused to release the Camel Clutch, so John Cena had to run out to make the save.

He fails in every conceivable way, and instead, he gets his ass kicked by Rusev. The assault mostly involves Cena getting thrown into ringside furniture, back-first. So Rusev's finishing hold is the Camel Clutch, and now, Cena's lower back is already traumatized... remember that for Sunday.

But wait! Just in case you're too dense to make that connection, Rusev storms back towards Cena, stomps him a few more times, and then applies the Camel Clutch on top of the announce table until Cena passes out. Remembering stuff till Sunday is for suckers. Getting bludgeoned in the face with an anvil is what all the cool kids are doing.

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HONESTY VISIBILITY IS THE BEST POLICY

Bray Wyatt heads to the ring, with the fireflies out, en masse. But when the music cuts out, a strong "TAKE HER" chant confirms that the fans are, at best, mixed.

Bray opens by asking the rhetorical question, "Why do people hide?" He talks about the many ways peple hide, but whether they are hiding in dark alleys, hiding from family obligations, hiding behind layers of make-up.... the simple truth is that anyone who hides is a liar.

To hide is to lie. And that's why Bray Wyatt is right here, in front of you, as he always is. Because he tells nothing but truth. And that's why the Undertaker remains hidden.

Then some special effects kick in; thunder, and lightning. But Bray is not worried. He (Bray) controls all the powers once controled by the Undertaker. And that's why, on Sunday, Bray Wyatt will send Undertaker out, falt on his back, never to return again.

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Hall of Fame: the final member of the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2015 is "Diesel," Kevin Nash. Like Scott Hall before him, Nash is going in as his pre-nWo persona, presumably to allow him to go into the Hall again, with his own name, as part of an Outsiders induction. Certainly deserved, and it gives WWE its headliner.... well, Randy Savage is the headliner, but Nash is still alive to give his speech, which will be the "main event." And my "Macho Man" love knows no bounds, but this is as it should be. Nobody wants to sit through Lanny Poffo giving the final speech of the night....

Voting Results: Dean Ambrose will be the special ref of our de facto main event (the final segment of the night will be Lesnar/Reigns in a non-match). Told you so.

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DANIEL BRYAN vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER (Dean Ambrose is Special Ref)

These two were the last two in a 6-man gauntlet match on Thursday, and Ziggler was the better man, that time around. This time, they start on level ground. Also, they start with the IC belt hanging above the ring, becaus eKane's wasting no time with the visuals.

Slow feeling out process to start.... just old school back and forth, like they're setting up for a 25 minute classic. Oh, were it to be true.

But we all know that's not happening, so about 2 minutes into the feeling out, Ziggler backs Bryan into the corner, and Ziggler declines to give him a clean break. The two start beating the shit out of each other, while the ostensible referee just cheers them on, enjoying the ultraviolence.

Bryan ends up winning the brawl, once it spills outside. He clotheslines Ziggler through the barricade, and into the timekeeper's cubicle. But neither man is quick to his feet, so we break for....

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Back, and Bryan's still in control for a bit, until he goes up top. Ziggler catches him, crotches him on the top turnbuckle, and goes for the superplex. No dice. Bryan punches out, and Ziggler drops down...

But then Ziggler immediately leaps to his feet, jumps to the middle rope, and takes Bryan down with a wicked Super Facebuster.

Kicks off a sequence of near falls by Ziggler, but Bryan's able to keep kicking out. Bryan with a hope spot of his own, off an orphan YES! Kick and a near fall.

But when he tries for the running knee, he runs into the superkick, and then a Zig Zag. Fin.

Your Winner: Dolph Ziggler, via pinfall, in 10 minutes. You know there's LOTS mroe these two could do (hell, even their segment on Thursday was at least as good as this), but at some point, you just don't look a gift horse in the mouth. This was a jim dandy. Ziggler winning clean, twice, over Bryan certainly opens up a few interesting options.

After the Match: Ambrose pretended like he was gonna raise Ziggler's hand in victory, but instead, suckered him into the Dirty Deeds. Then Ambrose grabbed a ladder, and started climbing towards the belt. This brought out Barrett, who wasn't gonna let anyone else steal his belt. This brought out all the rest, and they fought until each guy had at least one shot at the ladder, only to fall off. Seven guys in a heap, only the ladder stands tall.

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PAUL HEYMAN SAYS IT ALL.... THEN SAYS SOME MORE

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman head to the ring, and Heyman's gonna be the one to do the talking. But instead of talking, Heyman just starts going "yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak" over and over again. "If I have talked you into paying your hard earned money to see my client impose his will on another human being, there's nothing else I can say."

"Either Brock Lesnar is everything I say he is, and makes Roman Reigns his victim. Or Roman Reigns is everything he claims to be, and becomes the new WWE Champion. It's as simple as that. There's nothing else to say about it."

So, of course, Heyman has lots more to say about it. "Brock Lesnar is an intensely proud competitor who loves being WWE Champion just as much as he enjoys punishing any man foolish to oppose him. Roman Reigns, if you think you can just come to WrestleMania and take that Championship, you might as well break into Brock's house, take his wife, take his children, take the food from his fridge, and take his car for a spin, because that's how stupid you'd have to be to think you'll be able to win the WWE Title."

That's pretty convincing. But then Heyman dares to make fun of Reigns' "I Can and I Will" catchphrase, and THAT finally inspires Reigns to come on down to the ring. The two have a staredown, and a few tense words (to each other, not into the mic), and then have a VERY awkward and sissified tug o' war with the title belt. I mean, in so far as two men as large and mean as those two can be sissified.

But it was pretty awkward, and yet, WWE faded to black on the scene of Lesnar and Reigns clutching at the belt (and at each other) while standing a bit too close. D'oh.

And so ends the show... I had an initial mini-rant about how the ending actually managed to LESSEN the already limited appeal of the Lesnar/Reigns Corporate Main Event. It really was just all kinds of forced and awkward.

But now, we know Lesnar's sticking with WWE for another couple years, and Lesnar and Reigns could have made out, center ring, and it wouldn't have distracted from the suddenly compelling issue of how the hell you take the title off a Brock Lesnar who doesn't want to give it up, and now, he doesn't even want to leave the company. He wants to stay right here, holding that belt, and screw anyone sucker who thinks he can do anything about it.

Sure Reigns is that sucker on Sunday, and that's nowhere near WrestleMania Main Event Gravitas... but now, that's not as important, since he's not the pre-ordained winner. And if he DOES win, now you know it plays into a bigger -- and potentially more intriguing -- story, and not just into Reigns defending against somebody else while Lesnar rides off into the sunset.

So yeah, awkward finish, but that gets wiped out by the heartening news on Tuesday about Lesnar's contract extension.

Then, the rest of RAW was pretty OK. The over-writer-y and stilted dialogue by Steph (where she just ignored Sting's entire speech to bring up WWE vs. WCW) was weak, but hey: Sting's first words in WWE. That's pretty cool, and unlike many wankers, I have some faith in a great Sports Entertainment Segment between Sting and HHH on Sunday.

The IC Title Ladder Match got nothing but more exciting, and still stands to be for-real Fans' Main Event out of sheer awesomeness. I'm not entirely buying Truth as a potential winner, and Harper is the heel not-quite-there equivalent... but while Bryan and Ziggler are positioned as the stars, and I'd LOVE to see them do a one-on-one feud over the IC Title, the other three aren't entirely out of place.

Taker/Bray, Orton/Rollins, and Cena/Rusev didn't really bring anything new to the table. But none took a step back, either. Basic maintenance for the Andre Battle Royale and divas match. And they actually did have to finalize the tag title match, so that was all good.

Six hours ago, I'd have had a different final grade, but with the good news about Lesnar, that changes the whole tenor of WrestleMania, and of RAW's closing segment. We'll go ahead and call the final pre-WM RAW a solid B. Yeah: a C-plus on its own merits, offset by an A-minus for our new understanding of Lesnar/Reigns, and it avreages out to a B.

See you this weekend, with full WrestleMania coverage. Pyro will have his annual Everyman Preview, eschewing all the smarky and jaded insider crap to just get excited for the biggest show of the year. I'll do a preview, too, but it might just be to kick off the PPV Thread in the Forums (per usual, OO Forums access is limited to registered users, but we always have full-on Open Registration Amnesty Weekends for PPVs, so why not just join us, already?), instead of post it on the main page.

And no matter what, I'll have the full main page WrestleMania recap posted on Sunday night, shortly after 11pm (eastern). Or, as I'm back to calling it, 10pm (central). See you then!

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.