OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Brock Lesnar, Workaholic?
December 15, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

Looking for something to talk about that isn't my current Family Emergency, how about this:

Is it just me, or is Saturday Night Live suddenly kinda good again this season, for the first time since Tina Fey left?

I mean it: for about 8 years there, I couldn't bring myself to watch any week other than when I liked a musical guest, and even then, I'd record it, and end up FF'ing about half the alleged "comedy."

But after planning to do the same thing this season, I actually went out of my way to watch the Jim Carrey episode, because a lot of people said it was funny. And it was. And I've watched 4 or 5 more since, just because I didn't have anything going on those particular Saturdays.

This weekend's was especially funny. It'd had to have been to get me laughing -- full on belly-laughing, not just chuckling -- given my recent state of mind. The Lord of the Rings/Office crossover was ingenius... Sumpin' Claus was hilarious... and Weekend Update is back to having a bit of a bite to it -- maybe because Michael Che brought a little of that over from the Daily Show? -- and they managed to make something truly enraging funny with the interview with the $80m Torturedouches.

If you're like me, and had just written SNL off as dead to you, forever, find this weekend's episode (Martin Freeman was the host) on the Hulu or NBC on-demand or wherever. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

That said, we're all gathered here today at the OO to find out whether WWE can pleasantly surprise us, with a big post-PPV RAW featuring a bunch of stunt casting. Here's what happened:

COLD OPEN: RAW is JERICHO

And with absolutely no prelude, we are live inside the Is It The Joe Louis? Arena in Detroit, MI, with the Y2J countdown on the Tron. We hit zero, and there's the man, himself, Chris Jericho, all dolled up in Bravo Network-approved finery, including lady jeans and a fabulous neckerchief.

But while Jericho may be reliving some of his mid-oughts fashion mistakes, he takes us back even further once he gets to the ring and gets on the mic. He's at full late-90s WCW levels of self-aware silly bluster, as he talks about how glad he is to be back in front of all his adoring Jerichoholics, and he totally knows they adore him because they gave him a Slammy last week, and he couldn't be there, and he had to watch Fandumbo, err, Fan*censored* (Fandouchebag?), FanDodgeDurango, FanWangoTango, FanScaramoucheScaramoucheCanYouDoTheFandango take his trophy.

So, with all that said, he's in charge here tonight, he has the power, so Fandango, get out here and return his Slammy Award, post haste!

But there is no Fandango. Instead, there is Paul Heyman.

He's in pure suck-up mode, claiming to be a Jerichoholic of the highest order ("In fact, Chris, I may have been the first Jerichoholic ever, since I'm the one who gave you your big break"). But it's all just buttering Jericho up, so that Heyman can stake HIS claim to being a General Manager of RAW, and maybe Chris will think about handing over some power to his old buddy, Paul E. Jericho's a smart kid, and all, but Paul has the greatest track record of any living person when it comes to promoting big shows.

In fact, Paul reminds us that even though Jericho may have won the "Most Extreme" Slammy, it's Paul who is the father of all things extreme. This generates an "E-C-Dub" chant, with a few boos mixed in... but it gives Paul all the traction he needs to once again suggest that maybe HE should be running the show.

Jericho counters by saying Paul may be a great promoter, and the guy who gave him (Chris) his big break. But Heyman's also a dirty thief. Jericho says Paul still owes him $200 from 1995. And he wants it, now. He even starts patting Heyman down, looking for his wallet...

But Heyman's not putting up with any hijinks, he's here for business. So he changes gears and gets serious, saying he's here on behalf of his client, Brock Lesnar, and that's more important than running RAW for a night. All he wants from Jericho is a chance, later on tonight, to address Seth Rollins in the middle of the ring... because Rollins had a chance to change the course of WWE history last night, he could have been the next next big thing, and a Paul Heyman guy, but he blew it, and...

Seth Rollins doesn't care to wait till later tonight, here he is, right now (flanked by Jamie and Joey), and he is not pleased with Paul's insinuations. He even backs Heyman into a corner, before backing off and saying, "You were standing right there at ringside, last night, you saw the same thing all these people saw. You saw me destroy John Cena, you saw me put John Cena through a table, and you saw a referee raise my hand in victory. So don't tell me I blew it."

From there, he draws parallels between last night and Survivor Series... at Survivor Series, it was Sting who robbed him of the biggest victory of his career. And last night, it was Roman Reigns. John Cena can't beat Seth Rollins, one-on-one. At Survivor Series, Rollins eliminated Cena himself, and last night, he got his hand raised before other referees got involved and reversed his win.

So Rollins wants to settle this, once and for all. He issues a challenge for a tables rematch. YAY! But not tonight. BOO! He's still beat up from last night, so the challenge is for when Seth is good and ready and...

Enter John Cena, who tells Rollins to go stand in a corner and shut up, because the grown men have serious business to tend to.... but then, he keeps on talking to Seth, saying "Just cuz you got a mic in your hand, don't mean you got testicles in your pants." The hell? The Random Insult Generator is in full effect. Then he rants about last night where, sure, he got knocked down. But he picked himself up, and he kept fighting, and that's how he got the win. Then he turns to Heyman, and says that the same message applies to Brock Lesnar, who sure as hell has knocked Cena down, but he still hasn't KEPT him down.

But then he turns back to Rollins, and says he did like the talk of a rematch. Rollins again says he doesn't mean tonight... but Cena is itching for the fight. If only he knew the guy who had the power to make matches..... oh wait, there's Chris Jericho, Guest GM of RAW, standing over in the corner. Hey, Chris, how about it, can I have the match?

Jericho conducts a quick survey of the crowd, and they want it, so he makes the match. Cena vs. Rollins, and it's tonight. But instead of a pure rematch (Table Rules), Jericho thinks we need to find out who wins in a one-on-one showdown, and the only way to guarantee that is to make it a Steel Cage Match.

Cena leaves, pleased with this turn of events.

But once he's gone, Rollins starts ranting and raving about how Jericho's the worst GM ever, this is totally unfair, and it's because Jericho all washed up and jealous of Rollins. Jericho's so washed up that he knows he'll never win another big match again, and he's taking it out on Rollins. Jericho's so washed up, he couldn't beat a single guy on the roster. He couldn't beat the popcorn vendor, or the janitor. Hell *pregnant pause* he couldn't even beat Paul Heyman.

The randomness continues. But I'll play along.

Jericho perks up at the mention of Heyman. "You're right about the popcorn guy. I know him. He's a secret ninja. But I think I could beat Paul Heyman." The crowd latches onto this idea, and starts egging him on. Jericho REALLY thinks he could be Paul Heyman. Heyman chimes in, "I agree, you could beat me. So let's change the subject, and move on." Heh.

But nope, not only does Jericho think he CAN beat Heyman, he kinda WANTS to beat Heyman, now that he thinks about it. So tonight, it's a huge double main event: Cena vs. Rollins inside a steel cage, and Y2J vs. Paul Heyman.... and as soon as Jericho gets backstage, he's gonna talk to the WWE App people, and set up a fan vote to decide what kind of match it'll be! Jericho out!

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Your Choices: good to his word, Jericho has set up three options... Extreme Rules, No Holds Barred, or Street Fight. In other words, they're all the same basic match: No DQ, anything goes. But if it makes you feel better to vote for one over the other, knock yourself out. I assume they want it to be Extreme Rules because ECW and Jericho's Slammy, but honestly, it makes no difference.

No matter what YOU pick, one thing is certain: Chris Jericho picked the wrong week to screw with Paul Heyman, because Brock Lesnar is in the building tonight for the first time since September.

DOLPH ZIGGLER & ERICK ROWAN vs. LUKE HARPER & BIG SHOW

Ziggler gets a big pop for his entrance, and starts the match against Show. Nice flashy start for Dolph, but you knew that wasn't gonna last. Dolph's at his best when he's making the other guy look his best. And with Big Show, Ziggler makes his power offense look positively dominating.

After about 3 minutes, Show just throws Ziggler out of the ring, and seems content to take the count out. But Dolph beats the count, and gets back in at 8. Show proceeds to resume the methodical beatdown, and we break for...

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Back, and Show has tagged in Harper, but Ziggler's still getting his ass handed to him.

Harper and Show trade frequent tags as they keep pulverizing Ziggler. It's so one-sided that they switch to a split-screen and show still shots of last night's Ladder Match between Ziggler and Harper, and don't really miss anything noteworthy in the process.

But Ziggler's as sympathetic a Face in Peril as WWE's got, so the fans are way into it, with cheers and "LETS GO ZIGG LERR" chants. Finally, Dolph gets a modicum of separation on Harper, and dives to make the hot tag to Rowan.

Rowan comes in, and is briefly on fire against his former Wyatt Family partner. But Big Show is able to blind tag himself into the match, and that turns the tide. Harper stays behind to make it a double team on Rowan, which means Dolph joins in, too. Eventually, Ziggler takes Harper out over the top rope, and the two tumble over the announce table. They're powdered out, leaving the two legal men in the ring.

The double team, however brief, did the trick, though, and Show is able to hit the WMD in short order.

Your Winners: Big Show and Luke Harper, via pinfall, in about 8 minutes. Nothing particularly special, but laid out in a way that played to everybody's strengths. Ziggler bumped his ass off, made the monster heels look great, and the fans were lapping it up, no matter how formulaic it was.

Backstage: Fandango and Rosa are looking into each other eyes, longingly, when Chris Jericho walks in. Fandango says he's not just gonna hand the Slammy trophy over. And Jericho says that's fine. Because once he's done with Paul Heyman, he'll come back here and dance all over Fandango's face, and TAKE it back. Whee?

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Tomorrow Night: it's a special live Tuesday Night Super Smackdown, and while it's not an official match, Cole & The Gang make special mention that both Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt will be "under the same roof." Uhhhh, so?

Backstage: Renee Young is standing by with The New Day, who basically take turns talking about brightness overcoming darkness and positivity overcoming negativity and how that relates to them having a rematch against Goldust and Stardust tonight. Woods' version is all hyped up, promising "something they've never seen before," because they are gonna unleash the Ph.D. Kofi does some really crappy slam poetry. And Big E mostly just sweats all over the place until Woods tells him to take his hanky out and towel off. Hokay.

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NATALYA & ALICIA FOX (w/ Tyson Kidd) vs. THE BELLA TWINS

Alicia starts, and immediately turns into a face in peril, as the Bellas trade tags and dominate for about 2 minutes. Then a hot tag to Nattie, who goes on a tear, shoves Nikki off the ring apron, and locks in the Sharpshooter on Brie.

Your Winners: Natalya and Alicia Fox, via submission, in 3 minutes. If this is step one towards making Nattie the #1 Contender to Nikki, fine. But after the match, Nattie caught Tyson tending to poor Nikki, whch leads me to believe this has more to do with hyping the looming return of That Which OO Does Not Acknowledge As Valid Entertainment, on E!.

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Also Tomorrow Night: Roman Reigns' first match back will take place on the special live SmackDown.

THE HIGHLIGHT REEL

So Jericho's pulling triple duty, tonight: GM, wrestler, and talk show host. Now wearing his host hat, he says he has two guests tonight, and he predicts one of them will be wearing an extremely tight business suit that will be either red, white, or blue. He just hopes it's not the dude.

So here they are: Rusev and Lana. Lana tries to start off by bragging about Rusev's win over Jack Swagger, last night. But at this point, who hasn't beaten Swagger? So Jericho starts joking around. Apparently, he's got the Rock's writers, because they include: (1) making fun of Lana for her predictable wardrobe (she is wearing the tight red one, tonight), (2) wondering if Lana's hairdo (it looks like a pineapple) is scrunching her brain, and that why she's so bitchy all the time, and (3) saying Rusev always seems so angry and intense, like he's got all kinds of pent-up frustration, so maybe he oughta let some of it out, maybe he should show Lana his Sputnik. Tee hee?

Their indignant response causes Jericho to decide he's onto something. He must have hit a nerve. He sings the "Rusev and Lana, sitting in a tree" song at them, and says "I knew it, you're not just Putin's Butt Puppets, there's more going on here." As he continues his tauntery, he manages to call Rusev a stinky cab driver, invents a 12-adjective-long nickname for Lana (along the lines of Stephanie being a blankity blank blank blank trashbag ho), and dubs them "The US Champ, and the Communist Tramp."

When Lana's heard enough she says, "Shut Tup," and Jericho gives it right back to her. They have a "Shut Tup" Off, but then Rusev grabs a mic, and shit gets real, yo. "Little man with big jokes, you stop, or I crush you right now."

Jericho also gets serious. He says that he gets it. Sometimes he says the wrong things at the wrong time. He doesn't want anything to do with Rusev. But he was just talking to somebody backstage who DOES want to fight Rusev.

Feed. Me. More.

It's Ryback, who comes down to the ring and has a staredown with Rusev. But Lana pulls Rusev back, and they retreat, rather than answer the challenge. Looks like Ryback is up next for Rusev Fodder Duty. I sorta thought Ryback might be the guy they use for WM31 (which is when somebody finally beats Rusev, not sooner), but nope.

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Coming Soon: the Ascension, who held the NXT tag titles for over a year, are on their way to the main roster. This vignette features them sproting a whole new look and promo style that is straight out of the Road Warriors playbook, including face paint.

EGGSAVIER WOODS & BIG E (w/ Kofi Kingston) vs. GOLDUST & STARDUST

Kofi sits in on commentary, where JBL grills him about their phoney positivity, and how it must be an act, because nobody can be that happy all the time. But Kofi insists it's for real. Meantime, it seems the crowd has also latched onto this idea that the New Day are full of shit, because a vocal minority fire up a "New Day Sucks" chant. Are they trying to Rocky Maivia them, on purpose, maybe?

In the ring, Stardust (who is back to red as his secondary color after last night's neon green) is actually playing the face in peril, which speaks to that idea of the New Day being Heels in Waiting. Woods flings Stardust out of the ring, then dodges a charge when Goldust tries to help out, so Goldust flies out of the ring, too. "Heels" in a heap, "faces" standing tall, so we break for...

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Back, and Big E is still working Stardust over. But it doesn't last. He hoists Stardust up for a powerslam, but Stardust wiggles out, and Goldust tags in. Now, we're back to a more standard spectacle, with the Dust Brothers delivering the heel beatdown.

On commentary, Kofi waxes poetic about how Goldust and Stardust keep talking about bringing "darkness" to the light, and how he doesn't understand what they ever did to upset the Dusts. JBL theorizes that some people just don't like happy people. So again, more hints that it's OK to be annoyed by the New Day's over-the-top positivity.

Meantime, the live audience has pretty much lost interest. They do the Yankee Stadium Roll Call thingie for the announcers. Then, they fire up a "SEE EM PUNK" chant. And after that, an "ENN EX TEE" chant. The roll call was a vocal minority, but those last two were pretty thunderous. Good for NXT...

Finally, Big E gets separation, and makes the tag to Woods. Goldust in on the corresponding move. Woods is on fire, but getting a negative reaction for it. Stardust puts his two cents worth in, and Woods chucks him out, and then hits the assisted 7-10 Plancha on both Dusts, followed by the Midnight Hour on Goldust.

Your Winners: Woods and Big E, via pinfall, in 12 minutes. I thought the mixed reaction last night was a function of the fans being into Cody being even more nutso than usual... but tonight, it continued, and WWE was going along by presenting that narrative, it seemed. Kofi's shiny, happy celebration was so over the top that JBL again accused them of "hiding something," and the response to their win was roughly one-third cheers, one-third apathy, and one-third boos. Huh.

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Backstage: Renee Young invites the Miz and Damien Sandow in for an interview. And while Sandow is mirrorng Miz, this is not about laughs. Miz is deadly serious as he once again accuses Jimmy Uso of sabotaging Naomi's career, and how he's an A-lister and a staple on the red carpet, and Jimmy knows the only way HE will ever make it to the red carpet is if he's there thanks to Naomi's Hollywood career. And it's eating him up inside. So tonight, Miz is facing Jimmy one-on-one,, and somehow he makes it so that he's the one with Naomi's best interests in mind.

Elsewhere Backstage: Adam Rose and the Menagerie of Hipster Wangnozzles are marching down a hallway. Rose stops them and declares that after his match tonight, they will have the biggest after-party in the history of the multiverse. And everybody is happy. Until the parade comes up upon Kane. Everybody suddenly gets real quiet. Kane says he doesn't like Rose, and he's putting an end to the party, right now. Kane vs. Rose, and it's next.

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ADAM ROSE (w/ TMoHW) vs. KANE

So this is basically a squash, to remind us that Kane is a monster, even though he was Ryback's bitch last night. But when he's about to finish off Rose, the Bunny comes in. Kane is having none of that happy crappy. So he just chokeslams them both at the same time. The fans like it.

Your Winner: Kane, via pinfall, in 90 seconds. Yep, that just happened. After the match, Kane gets huge cheers for coming back and Tombstoning the Bunny. Perhaps that's the end of the Bunny, and we won't have to endure Rose vs. Bunny? The tone of Cole & The Gang certain was one of finality...

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Also Tomorrow: Main Event, on the WWE Network, is pushed up to 7pm (eastern), due to the live SmackDown. And it will feature a Rowan vs. Kane match.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. PAUL HEYMAN (Street Fight)

Heyman knows that we know what he knows about Lesnar. So he tries to throw us off the scent by cutting a pre-match promo in which he says, "I know you all expect me to have a bunch of tricks up my sleeve, but I don't. I know you all expect me to be all clever and point out that even a squirrel will bite your face off if you back it into a corner, or claim that I'm the guy who puts the Jew in ju-jitsu. But I'm not gonna do it." But you just did, Paul, and that was hilarious!

Heyman says this is straight up honest truth, because he knows what Jericho is going to do to him, and he knows he can't stop it. He doesn't think it's healthy entertainment, but he knows what the fans want, and he knows Jericho is nothing if not a crowd pleaser. So he fully expects Jericho to kick his ass, and that it will be anything but TV-PG. But c'mon, man to man, I gave you your break, and please, we don't have to do this. I gavve you your break, so please just give me a pass.

Heyman even offers to pony up the $200... but when he pulls out a checkbook, instead of cash, Jericho just rolls his eyes and says "Forget it. I don't want your $200, I want to go to the App and find out what kind of match we got."

It's Street Fight, by a slim margin over Extreme Rules.

Heyman gives us one last taste of quivering coward, saying he doesn't know what he did to deserve this, he doesn't know why Jericho is doing this... why would Chris Jericho pick a fight with.... [quivering coward voice sudden disappears, and is replaced with a growl]

BRRRROOOCCCCCCCCKKK LEESSSSSSSSSNNNNNAAAAAAAARRRR!

ANd then Brock's music hits, and Lesnar saunters out to the ring, looking quite confident. Jericho's not gonna back down, though. He stands up to Brock, and the two stare each other down, mid-ring, for a moment.

Then Jericho takes the fight to Lesnar, landing a few quick jabs... but then he steps back and goes for a Codebreaker, and Lesnar basically swats him aside. No sale. An F-5, and Jericho is toast. Lesnar stands over him, shit-eating grin in place, and with Heyman shouting various taunts. The crowd chants for Cena, but he's nowhere to be found.

He's never anywhere to be found. But that's another story.

Even though it was pretty obvious that this would happen as soon as Rollins randomly planted the seed for a Jericho vs. Heyman match, it's still a strong segment, thanks to the strong diversionary mic work by Heyman. Great use of Jericho, too. Lesnar needed to do SOMEthing to re-establish himself after being an absentee champ for 3 months. And he did it by taking out another part-timer, so no damage done to the current roster. Good stuff.

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FANDANGO IS NOT VERY SMART

So, Fandango makes a grand entrance, and he still has Chris Jericho's Slammy. He grabs a mic, and says "It looks like RAW is JERICHO is over. And now, this is RAW is FAAAAHNNNNDAAAA..."

And Roman Reigns music interrupts. He comes through the crowd, enters the ring, and spears Fandango into next week.

Then, he grabs a mic, and threatens to speak. But Big Show bails him out, by coming out on the stage, and saying that after what Reigns did last night, Big Show will make it his mission in life to put him back on the injured reserve list.

Reigns says to go ahead and try, because "as soon as you do, I'm gonna punch you in the mouth."

So Show decides to press his luck... as soon as he's up on the apron, Reigns charges and hits the Superman Punch. Just like that, Show decides that he left the stove on at home (or something) because he beats a hasty retreat.

Reigns gets a really strong pop for his antics, so the damage done by WWE rigging the Slammys for him is limited to the small percentage of us jerkface fans who have full cognitive and critical thinking abilities.

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JIMMY USO (w/ Jey) vs. MIZ (w/ Damien Sandow)

Bell rings, and Miz immediately bails out. He gets back in, but sees the fire in Jimmy's eyes, so he bails out again. And a third time. Chickenshits gonna chickenshit.

On the fourth time, Jimmy chases him, and catches him, and starts laying the smack down. Sandow air-bumps at ringside, and of course, the cheers and "We Want Mizdow" chants are mighty. There's even a "Mizdow's Awesome" chant tonight.

We also sneak a peak of Naomi watching the beatdown, and smiling, backstage on a monitor.

Miz bails out of the ring again, but this time, when Jimmy follows, Miz pulls the old cat-and-mouse role reversal spot. In so doing, he shoves Sandow out of the way when Sandow tries to mirror his offensive moves. You better believe he got booed out of the building for cutting Sandow's genius short.

Back in the ring, Miz presided over a mini-beatdown, getting a near fall off his neckbreaker/backbreaker combo, but shortly after, he got cocky, and started gloating. So Jimmy caught him on a charge, with a wicked clothesline that sent Miz out over the top rope. Big plancha. Steamboat style crossbody for a near fall.

But then Miz blocked a superkick and went for a Figure Four. Jimmy fought it off, and hit a flash Samoan Drop... so Sandow jumped in the ring and slammed himself to the mat. While the ref was distracted, getting Sandow out of the ring, Jey jumped in and whacked Miz with his own Slammy (payback for last night). A Superfly Splash later, and it's all over.

Your Winner: Jimmy Uso, via pinfall, in about 6 minutes. Pretty basic stuff, but Mizdow's act has yet to get old. It's fun, every time. Pure gold.

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Backstage: Naomi is walking and bumps into Miz and Sandow. He says he's still trying as hard as he can to get her that music deal, even though her own husband is working against her. And furthermore, he knows she wants the Women's Title, too, and he can help with that. Tomorrow on Main Event, he's inviting her to be his guest on MizTV, where she can make her case for getting a title shot. This is huge. And surely, Jimmy wouldn't have any problem with that, right? Well, you know, he's actually a bit of a hot head, so maybe you don't tell him. It'll be our secret.

Yeah, yours and the other three million people watching on TV, who are all totally sworn to secrecy, and Jimmy will never find out. Christ, I know wrestling involves a lot of silliness and suspension of disbelief, but the fact that WWE will flip back and forth between there-is-a-fourth-wall and there-is-no-fourth-wall in the same show is completely retarded.

Elsewhere Backstage: Renee Young has got Seth Rollins (with the Stooges) for an interview. He says that this whole thing is reeee-diculous. He just had a war 24 hours ago with John Cena, and now, he's gotta fight him again, inside a steel cage. And it's because there's nobody in charge, there's no authority, nobody's safe, and even when one of the inmates steps up to run the asylum, the inmate isn't safe. Just look at what happened to Chris Jericho.

So Rollins really wants to bring the Authority back, and the way he's gonna do it is by beating the crap out of John Cena, to the point where he's begging for mercy, and agrees to bring back the Authority if Rollins makes it stop. Good luck with that, kid....

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Next Week: Hulk Hogan will be presiding over the Christmas Edition of RAW. And WWE's promoting it as Ho-Ho-Hogan Night. True story, one of the long-standing Scaia Family Christmas Traditions is watching the "Hogan Family" Christmas Episode, where Jason Bateman's character plays a Mall Santa, and keeps saying "Ho-Ho-Hogans!" With Scaia Family Christmas likely off this year, it's very heartening to know I'll still get my dose of Ho-Ho-Hogan'ing.

JOHN CENA vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/ Noble and Mercury) (Steel Cage Match)

We are doing the Hybrid Cage Match Rules, tonight. Pinfall, submission, and escape are all valid ways to win, and otherwise, everything goes.

As soon as the bell rings, Rollins runs up the cage, spider-monkey-like, trying to escape, but Cena catches his ankle, and pulls him back in. Huge "Let's Go Cena"/"Cena Sucks" dueling chants, with a pretty much 50/50 split.

Rollins takes the early lead by slamming Cena's face into the cage, but when Rollins thinks he's done enough damage to escape, he tries over the top, and again Cena catches him. They jockey for position a bit, but with both guys standing on the top rope, Cena hits a big bulldog. He tries for the pinfall, but it only gets a 2, and then tries for an over-the-top escape.

But there's where Noble and Mercury come into play... they climb up the cage, and keep Cena from getting over the top. Meantime, Rollins has recovered, and started crawling towards the cage door... Cena finally sees it, and disengages from the Stooges, to yank Rollins away from the open door (after a lengthy tug of war).

But the distraction served its purpose, and now Rollins is back in control. After a big inverted Blockbuster, he tries another over-the-toop escape... Cena join him on the top rope, and after a bit of jockeying, Rollins slides down to the mat, and has Cena in perfect powerbomb position. But he doesn't just powerbomb Cena... he runs Cena all the way across to the opposite side of the ring to hit a Turnbucklebomb.

That gets a close near fall, and when Rollins turns to argue with the official, we use the break in action as an excuse to watch our final set of...

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Back, and we see both men down, with the ref applying a double count. Rollins is up first, at the count of 7, but Cena follows, and they start trading punches, and the fans play "YAY!"/"BOO!" Cena gets the better of it, and starts in on the Five Moves of Doom... but Rollins avoids the Five Knuckle Shuffle by rolling out of the way. But before he can follow up, Cena just slams him down again, and finishes the fist drop without the other fluffery.

Then, he notices Mercury climbing up the side of the cage, so he just whips Rollins into the cage. Two birds with one stone. Bouncing back off the cage, Rollins walks into an F-U... but kicks out at 2.

Cena is frustrated, and after a brief bit of uncertainty over how to proceed, he decides escaping out the cage door is do-able. So he heads that way. Noble stops Cena from opening the door, though... so the two are fighting, each pushing on the door. Finally, Cena wins, and Noble flies backwards into the barricade. So both Stooges are out.

But the delay gave Rollins time to recover, and he prevents Cena from escaping. After another tug of war, they both decide to try over-the-top instead. Cena slams Rollins head into the cage, sending him flying to the mat. Cena follows up with the flying leg drop. Only a two. But once again, a convincing two.

This time, Cena is frustrated... but instead of just remembering his lesson from before, he wastes a few moments acting uncertain, before finally starting another over-the-top escape. Jesus, he could have waltzed out the door if he'd just gone straight for it. But nope.

Predictably, this means Rollins can thwart his climb. More jockeying with both men on the top rope, and this time, it's Cena who flies off and lands in the middle of the ring. Rollins comes flying off with a knee strike. Cena kicks out at 2.

Instead of getting frustrated and confused, Rollins just gets cocky, and starts trashtalking Cena. In between the stilted soundbites, Rollins punctuates things by slamming Cena's head into the cage. While the fans fire up dueling "Let's Go Cena"/"Let's Go Rollins" chants, Rollins wastes too much time on the verbal abuse, and on the fourth attempt, Cena reverses the whip, and Rollins eats the steel cage.

Both men down.... but Cena starts crawling for the door. Rollins won't be able to catch him. Cena's halfway out the door... and that's when Mercury pops up again, to slam the door into Cena's head. Ouch. Rollins slowly moves over and makes the cover, but Cena kicks out in the nick of time. Rollins lines up for the Curb Stomp, but Cena dodges, and picks Rollins' ankle.

SSTF locked in. But Rollins crawls towards the door. There is no rope break, but he grabs the cage frame and starts pulling himself out. For some reason, Cena just lets go and falls backward. The hell? WHatever that was, it means Rollins is halfway out the door, and Cena has to dive back to grab onto his leg. The Stooges each grab an arm, and now the phrase "tug of war" is REALLY in play.

Cena wins it, but at the last second, Noble is able to throw the MitB Briefcase into the cage before the door closes. After some back and forthy, Rollins comes out on top, and sees the Briefcase. He picks it up, and winds up... but Cena ducks, and comes back with a big clothesline of his own.

Both men down, once again. Rollins up first, but Cena's not far behind. More punches traded, more "YAY!"/"BOO!" and once again, Cena wins the fisticuffsmanship. But when he goes for the F-U, again, Rollins worms out the back door, grabs his Briefcase, and wallops Cena with it.

Cena kicks out, just barely. The Stooges suggest he try to make an escape. So he does, and climbs up to the top of the cage... hemakes it over the top, but at the last second, Cena jumps up there, and grabs two handfuls of hair to drag Rollins back into the cage. Both men on the top rope, Cena gains the advantage.

And that's an F-U off the top rope. Impressive!

But it took its toll on Cena, who can't immeditely make the cover. So both men are down when Brock Lesnar's music fires up. Lesnar and Heyman head towards the ring....

And Lesnar walks in the door, surveys the carnage, and immediately fires off three German suplexes on Cena. Then, an F-5. Rollins looks terrified that he's next.... afterall, he DID Curb Stomp Lesnar back in September.

But instead, Lesnar makes the international sign for "He's all yours," and then Heyman jumps in and offers a handshake. Rollins breaks out into a huge smile, and accepts. Heyman and Lesnar bail out, and head back up the ramp, while a goodly percentage of the fans cheer for the New Paul Heyman Guy.

Rollins, for his part, lounges on the top rope, soaking it in, until Cena manages to get up on hands and knees. Then, Rollins gets up on the top rope, and hits an Atomic Curb Stomp. He slowly, and methodically retrieves his Briefcase, and then strolls out the cage door.

Your Winner: Seth Rollins, via escape, in 25 minutes. The usual lack of cage match logic was in full force, in a few spots, and that always gets on my nerves... but mixed in with the contrived drama (where part of me wanted to buy-in, but the other part of me was thinking, "Hey, dipshit, the door is right there, remember?"), they had plenty of impressive high spots, busted their asses, and it all built up to a compelling finish. That's just a damned satisfying main event.

As Rollins celebrates, the announcers speculate if this might have been a master plan, and Heyman and Rollins were in cahoots the whole night. Rollins reaction certainly made it look like he was as surprised as anyone when Lesnar gave him a pass... but the Master Plan Theory also works VERY nicely as a way to retcon the opening segment in which Rollins pulled that whole Jericho vs. Heyman thing out of his ass, for no readily discernable reason. But if he was laying a trap for Jericho, that makes a ton of sense.

Regardless, our final image is Rollins, propped up by the Stooges, happy as all get out, as we fade to black...

And so ends the show. Lesnar was obviously the one big takeaway from tonight, which is as it should be when he deigns to make one of his rare appearances.

By pairing him with Jericho for the one segment, they even got some extra juice out of him, before doing the more expected thing of attacking his #1 Contender. In fact, the attack on Jericho even served as a bit of obfuscation, because you figured that was it. Lesnar doesn't work for 3 months, and you sort of forget that it's possible for him to work two segments in the same night. When his music started during the cage match, I honestly was momentarily surprised before I remembered, "Oh, yeah, he doesn't like Cena."

Whether intentional or not, that added another level of enjoyment for me during the main event. As noted earlier, using Jericho as his other victim doesn't just remind us that Brock's a monster, it does so without using up a member of the active roster, too. And that's good.

Meantime, we also know that Jericho's on booking sheets for a few shows, starting around the Royal Rumble, so this could easily be the impetus for him starting another mini-run. Enter the Rumble, on the pretext that he wants a shot at Lesnar, and winning the WM Ticket in the Rumble is the only way? Show up to try to screw with Lesnar, and then slide in for a quickie title shot to make Lesnar look strong at the February PPV? Guest ref for Cena/Lesnar III? And then, once he uses Lesnar as his primary excuse for coming back, he can still stick around to wrest his Slammy away from Fandango? A lot of possibilities...

Great use of the stunt casting, great main event from Cena and Rollins. Everything involving those five guys (including Heyman, along with Lesnar and Jericho) was just excellent, be they promos, faux matches, or run-ins. In between, nothing else stood out as notably good, but most segments made pitch perfect use of the stars and their individual strengths (Sandow with some comedy, Ziggler bumping around, Show and Harper as monsters, Ryback stepping up to Rusev, Kane killing the Bunny, Reigns saying -- succintly -- what he wanted to do to Big Show and then doing it, etc.), so even if it's not water cooler material or something you'll ever rewatch in a billions years, those all still count as "effective."

The one segment that may be worth a little more conversation would be the New Day vs. Dust Brothers match, where it's clear that a certain percentage of fans just aren't buying the hokey upbeat schtick... but it's less clear just how much WWE is purposely leading them on. I mean, the amount is definitely not "zero," but they definitely seemed to up the amount a LOT tonight, so they may want to Rocky Maivia those three sooner than later. That'll be one to keep an eye on...

But stepping back, and looking at the big picture, this was a show that had some real nice highs, interspersed with a whole lot of serviceable filler that never quite made it to "memorable," but also only rarely dipped down to "bad" (Miz, Naomi, and the fourth wall gripe, I'm looking at you!)... let's go ahead and call it a rock solid show, worthy of a B grade.

Remember, WWE has the special live Tuesday SmackDown tomorrow night on USA, so check on back here for Pyro's recap at some point on Wednesday. [If you do forget to adjust your viewing, the recap has your back, and also, SyFy is replaying SD in its usual Friday night slot, too.]

Then I'll see you all again late on Monday night, next week, for Ho-Ho-Hogan Night!

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.