OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
The Fix is In....
December 8, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

At this point, I'm not exactly sure how OO will handle next weekend (TLC and the big post-PPV RAW, with Lesnar and Jericho), but I promise you we WILL be covering it, before possibly settling in for the Holiday Malaise (where WWE half-asses it, and I feel no particular motivation to cover the product in as timely a fashion as usual).

The issue at bar here is the fact that I will be relocating to Ft. Worth, TX, for a bit, and I'm not exactly sure what the time table is gonna be, other than it's where Scaia Family Christmas will take place this year...

My brother, Alan, was involved in a major wreck over the weekend. He will survive, but so far, he's not yet really had any real moments of coherent consciousness between the head trauma and the heavy drugs; he's also already had one surgery on his hip/leg, and there may be more of that to come. Here's some coverage from Saturday.

My mom's already down there, and I'll be following, at some point. I'm not sure exactly when I'll leave, as that might depend on when Alan comes around and when I can spend my time being USEFUL down there, rather than just being PRESENT (helping keep his house up, and helping him get around before he's back on his feet, for however long that takes, since I have a bit more flexibility with regards to work than my mom). I may wait till closer to Christmas, but it may be before TLC; I'll have my computer with me, but be forewarned that this might affect my usual "immediately after the show" timing.

Please bear with me. And even more selfishly, whatever you all did during my Medical Unpleasantness earlier this year, maybe do it again, on Alan's behalf. Cuz it worked, in spades. They aren't quite the same deal, with regards to concerns of mortality (he had HUGE concerns, all crammed into about 12 hours before things got better; I had minor-but-periodically-significant concerns spread out over 2 months), but he deserves to get all-the-way better, just like I did, and as fast as possible.

Thanks in advance for the good karma. It's been a trying year to be a Scaia, but I hope you all know how much I appreciate anything and everything that you've done to help make it surviveable.

Here's what happened on tonight's Slammys Edition of RAW:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those With ADD: OO does not recap recaps.

Stage Setting: Cole & The Gang welcome us to the "77th Annual, or something like that" Slammy Awards. In addition to all the awards to be presented, we're going to get John Cena vs. Big Show as our main event. Then they shoot it up to the stage, where Jerry Lawler introduces us to tonight's Guest Host, Seth Greene.

AND THE NOMINEES ARE (PART 1)....

Seth is very excited to be back on RAW, and that tonight's the Slammys. Unlike the other phoney awards shows, all tonight's awards are decided by us, the fans... so let's quit wasting time and get down to business!!!!

But Miz's music interrupts him, and Miz (with Damien Sandow) comes out and berates Seth about not visiting him before the show. He thought they were buddies, but now Seth doesn't have time to hang out with WWE's own resident A-lister? For shame, Seth...

Seth says that he apologizes, because there IS an A-lister out here... but it's not Miz, it's Sandow. The crowd goes nuts, and Sandow briefly acknowledges them before Miz shoves him to the background and berates Seth some more. Eventually, Miz is ranted out, and tells Seth to introduce the Slammy Award named for him (Miz). It's the "This is Awesome!" Moment of the Year...

The nominees are: The YES! Movement's occupation of RAW, Stephanie McMahon's "arrest," Sting's debut, and the Hogan/Rock/Austin moment at Mania. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. [And it's Steph's moment, whichw as WAY more humiliating for ME having to admit to being a wrestling fan, than it was for her.] Me, I'm pretty sure Hogan/Rock/Austin will be the way I'd go, just because of how real and spontaneous it felt... Sting's debut was a huge surprise (the second biggest of the year, behind Lesnar/Taker), but the minor gripes I had about the presentation means it wasn't really "awesome."

Voting has been ongoing since late last week, but you can still sneak in under the wire, and the results for this first category will be revealed immediately after our first match...

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/ The New Stooges)

I'd campaigned for this to be the main event of the TLC PPV (a ladder match, with Rollins forced to put his MitB Briefcase on the line), but I'll take it here on RAW, provided they give it a good 15+ minutes. But we're not off to a particularly inspiring start...

They lock up, Ziggler hits a dropkick, Rollins bails out of the ring, and after about 20 seconds, we break for...

[ads]

Back, and Rollins is working an arm bar, and follows up with mostly methodical offense for about 2-3 minutes, then Dolph starts firing up. Things get a bit sloppy, but after a flub, they get to where they were going: a huge Implant DDT for Dolph.

Gets a 2 count, and another one after a Fameasser. But then Dolph goes up top, and while Joey distracts the ref, Jamie shoves Ziggler off the top rope. He lands hard, and Rollins hits a Curb Stomp to finish him off. That's it.

Your Winner: Seth Rollins, via pinfall, in 8 minutes (3 of which were the ad break). So, uhhhh, yeah, that wasn't what I was looking for out of these two. A complete waste as a self-contained match, but I guess it does -- in the bigger picture -- make sure that Rollins and his two cronies look strong heading into a match against Cena. Between the tables stip and the New Stooges, you can actually envision a scenario where Cena loses.

AND THE WINNER IS (PART 1)....

Sting wins the "This is Awesome" Moment of the Year. But obviously, he's not here to accept... so Seth Rollins storms up the ramp and scares off the other Seth (Green). Rollins says Sting ruined his life, by stealing what would have been his biggest win, so screw Sting, Rollins will take the Slammy, himself. Hokay.

[ads]

Earlier Tonight: five additional Slammys were handed out on the WWE Network. The Usos won Tag Team of the Year. Dean Ambrose won Breakout Star of the Year. The Rock won Best Insult (for his cameo making fun of Rusev and Lana). "You Sold Out" (to Seth Rollins) was Chant of the Year (really? how is that not "YES!"???). And Hashtag of the Year was the RKO Outta Nowhere meme. And now you know.... the rest of the story.

KOFI KINGSTON (w/ Big E and Eggsavier Woods) vs. STARDUST (w/ Goldust)

This is stemming from the tag gauntlet last week, where The New Day eliminated the Dust Brothers, but then the Dust Brothers interfered to cause the New Day to get eliminated by Cesaro and Tyson Kidd.

Quick start for Kofi, then right into your heel beatdown. If Rollins/Ziggler only got 8 minutes, you know this isn't gonna be an epic, so the time compression is palpable. Of note, Woods and E are very active as cheerleaders at ringside, but with only nominal results as far as the crowd is concerned... also, Stardust has apparently decided to make the old Hunter Hearst Helmsley deep bow part of his schtick.

Kofi fires up at the 3 minute mark, and gets the rather out-of-nowhere win off a Steamboat Flying Bodypress.

Your Winner: Kofi Kingston, via pinfall, in 4 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this was a thing that happened.

And the Nominees are: John Laurinaitis is here to introduce the Surprise Return of the Year. He gets 70/30 boos-to-cheers when he threatens to return to power, given the current Authority Vacuum. Then he introduces the nominees. Hulk Hogan, Batista, the Rock, and the Ultimate Warrior are the choices. Uhhhhh, technically, only the Rock's appearance was a surprise. The other three were all announced well ahead of time. But I suspect that -- if you have a heart -- you'll forgive me if I opine that it might be a good excuse to remember the Warrior's glorious weekend one last time...

And if you don't have a heart, I'm sure you'll agree with me that Jericho interrupting Miz's return is the REAL winner, here (and it's not even close), if we must insist that words have meanings, and adhere to the recognized defnition of "surprise." It's a joke that it wasn't even nominated, but I chalk that up to WWE rigging the whole game, so everybody gets a nomination here or there, and the things they want to focus on get the wins. Jericho got his token nod in another category, and it goes without saying that WWE would be mortified if he actually won one.

[ads]

And the Winner Is: yep, Warrior. I can live with that. They just air a brief montage, ending with the Warrior face paint, in lieu of any speech.

Backstage: Seth Rollins is chilling with the Stooges, when in walks Paul Heyman. It seems as though Heyman wants to have a chat with Rollins about the ramifications of Sunday's match against John Cena with regards to his client, Brock Lesnar.

Rollins cuts him off, saying, "Yeah yeah yeah, I know, you want me to beat John Cena for you, so that he's out of the picture as #1 Contender. I get it. But don't forget: this briefcase means I get a shot at Brock Lesnar whenever I want. And I promise, when the time's right, neither you nor he will see it coming."

But Heyman always has another gear when people see through his Level 1 Bullshit, so he turns up the charm and says that no matter how good Brock Lesnar is, it's now self-evident that Seth Rollins is the future of WWE. Neither Heyman nor Brock are doing anything to prevent the Universe from realizing that; they are, in fact, on his side.

John Cena, on the other hand, is a spotlight-hogging glory whore, and HE is responsible for the fans not recognizing Rollins' greatness. "So, if you truly want to be the Future, on Sunday, you have to do whatever it takes to make sure John Cena is left in the Past." And just like that, Heyman has accomplished his goal of lighting a fire under Rollins' ass, so that he'll do Heyman's dirty work.

Heyman's really good at his job. His Level 2 Bullshit is better than anybody else's Level 1 Bullshit. And you just KNOW he's got Level 3 Bullshit at the ready.

[ads]

CHARLOTTE FLAIR vs. NATALYA NEIDHART (w/ Tyson Kidd)

So this is here to hype Thursday's NXT "pay-per-view" R-evolution (no, not "Revolution" or "Our Evolution," but "R-evolution" because somebody in Orlando is clinically retarded, and assumes we are, too), where Charlotte defends her NXT Women's Title against Sasha Banks... but it's also a rematch of NXT's May event, where Charlotte and Nattie nearly stole the show with an awesome 20 minute math

Match starts with Kidd trying to create a distraction, but it backfires as Nattie wants him to mind his own business. So we get about 2 minutes of Charlotte working as the de facto heel (I guess), despite the fans cheering for her. Then an abbreviated comeback by Nattie leads to a back and forth exchange where Charlotte goes for the Figure Four, but Nattie reaches up and turns it into a small package. Did NOT see that coming.

Your Winner: Natalya, via pinfall, in 3 minutes. So, uhhhh, once again rather disappointing, since we know what these two are capable of. But my guess is this isn't so much a one-dimensional excuse to talk about R-evolution as it is multi-tasking, as it could/should set up Charlotte vs. Nattie as a more involved feud... it's widely expected that Charlotte drops the NXT Title on Thursday so that she can start on the main roster, full time. And now, she's got something to do as soon as she arrives.

How Kidd ties into Charlotte vs. Nattie will probably be key, and I hope they don't go over-E!-Networky on us... but he horned in on her celebration, and it's inevitable that they split, and in the doing, Nattie will probably be "too broken up" over her man leaving (because she's a girl), and ergo lose the feud to Charlotte.

Might I suggest this would be a good time to pull the ol' Trish Stratus 2004 Love Rhombus Switcharoo out of mothballs? Instead, use Kidd as the impetus for Nattie to turn heel, embrace her dark side (and her evil man), and therefore, Charlotte can play the FACE in the feud... which is how I think fans are gonna react, anyway.

I still wouldn't watch E! to watch her and Kidd play up the evil marriage to spite the rest of the diva roster, in possibly wangifying ways, but it WOULD be a valid wrestling storyline.

And the Nominees Are: Santino Marella is here to introduce the "OMG! Shocking Moment" award. There are three other nominees, but if Lesnar beating Taker at WM isn't the winner, I'll eat a bug. It's not even close. They aren't even the same category, really.

[ads]

And the Winner Is: I do not have to eat a bug. Paul Heyman shows up to accept, giving pretty much the promo you'd expect about the one behind the one in twenty-one and one. Notably, Lesnar was originally scheduled to be here to rub it in, himself, but WWE changed directions last week. Now, Lesnar will appear on next Monday's RAW to set the wheels in motion for his defense at the Royal Rumble. All things considered, that's probably the right play...

Well, not having such a shitty deal with Lesnar would be the RIGHT way to do things. But WWE made their bed on that front, and now they have to lie down in it, and the losers are us. A Champion who goes 3 months without even an appearance, and 4 months between matches? That's not a Special Attraction (no matter how much WWE rationalizes him as such), that's an distractingly absent champion.

WE'RE NO LONGER FIREFLIES, WE ARE MOTHS

Bray Wyatt hits the ring, and reveals that the rocking chair that Dean Ambrose destroyed last Monday belonged to Sister Abigail. It was priceless to him. WIth the help of a couple video packages, he reminds us of what Ambrose did, and then what he did to Ambrose in response. On Friday, Wyatt used a chair to crush Ambrose's larynx, and Ambrose sold it with a full-on Steamboat-style Stretcher Job.

And then he turns it on the fans, saying that he hears their cheers, and he knows they are behind Dean Ambrose. And he's no longer disappointed in them. He barely even recognizes they exist. They are no longer his Fireflies, but instead are lowly moths, drawn in by his own red-hot flame.
And when he destroys Dean Ambrose on Sunday, they, too, will burn.

But then an ambulance pulls into the arena... and with the arena still dark, the back of the ambulance opens up with a giant shining light inside. Then Ambrose's silhouette appears in the light, and his music starts. He jumps out of the ambulance, wearing a neck brace, and unloads a bunch of tables, ladders, and chairs.

He charges the ring with a ladder, and lands one shot to Bray. Wyatt decides to back off. But then Ambrose lures him in by lounging on a table.... but Bray only gets up on the apron before Ambrose chucks a chair at his head. Wyatt backs off again.

With Bray up on the stage, Ambrose grabs a mic and declares that the only way Wyatt leaves the building on Sunday is in an ambulance. Then he tags it with a line about going from man into monster, so he can eat Wyatt alive. Then, he kept throwing around furniture as his music played.

A little bit overdone and cheesy with the heavenly light out of the ambulance, but it still got its point across plenty clearly... and I still can't wait to see these two tear it up in a TLC Match.

And the Nominees Are: Jerry Lawler is here to introduce the nominees for Diva of the Year, because puppies. They are Brie, Paige, AJ, and Nikki.

[ads]

And the Winner Is: AJ wins. She goes out of her way to not give Lawler any more of a cheap feel than absolutely necessary, which is delightful. Then she gives a speech about how she feels she's done what she promised in terms of redefining the women's division, and the future looks bright with Charlotte, Sasha, and Bayley... but for now, she's not done being the Queen. So on Sunday, she'll regain her title, and re-ascend to the throne.

Backstage: Renee Young is standing by with John Cena. Cena drives home the storyline point I made earlier... Rollins doesn't have to pin him or make him tap out on Sunday, which is good, because he can't do either. He just has to put Cena through a table, and just like that, Cena's out of the title picture... so it's do or die time, and Cena starts his path of rage tonight, by mowing down Big Show, and then it's on to Sunday at TLC. By the end, he's at his usual situation-inappropriate levels of loud phoney shoutiness... but again, the goal here is to introduce at least a modicum of ambiguity with regards to Sunday's outcome, and having Cena acknowledge Rollins' path to victory accomplishes that.

[ads]

LUKE HARPER vs. ERICK ROWAN (Non-Title)

Harper heads to the ring with a ladder in tow (a reference to his ladder match on Sunday against Ziggler). Rowan's weapon of recent choice is already at ringside (the steel ring steps). Harper leaves the ladder at ringside, and when the bell rings, the slobberknockery is on.

Again, the time compression is on full display, as Rowan gets in about one offensive move before Harper settles in. He hits a front face lock and the Gator Roll at about 45 seconds. Two minutes in, Rowan fires up, and Harper decides to get DQ'd on purpose, by using the ladder as a weapon.

Your Winner: Erick Rowan, via DQ, in a little over 2 minutes. They aren't even gonna bother pretending to make it look like the matches mean anything tonight, are they?

After the Match: Harper tries to continue the assault, but Rowan uses the steps to turn the tide, and Harper has to run for the hills. So the match was nothing, but we got to see each guy use his weapon, so yay for that?

Backstage: Naomi is hanging out when the Usos show up, celebrating their Slammy win. Jey takes off, but Jimmy hangs with his wife. She mentions that she talked to Miz's agent last week, and he's totally on the level, and she's heading out to Hollywood for a screen test. Jimmy says this whole thing smells fishy, and he's going with her. And then it turns into an argument over who trusts who and who believes in whose talents and blah blah blah....

All it underscores is how stupid it is when WWE crosses the streams between E! Network, and valid pro wrestling storylines. Because honestly, how terrible are Jimmy and Naomi if TONIGHT, ON THE AIR is the first time they talked about a conversation Naomi had with Miz's agent days ago? There's no way for any self-respecting human being to watch this and say, "Oh my, what a deeply compelling piece of genuine human drama because these people do not exist the other 165 hours of the week, and this was a completely logical time and venue for this conversation to take place."

And the Nominees Are: Adam Rose and the entire Menagerie of Hipster Wangnozzles (including the Bunny) are here to introduce the LOL Funniest Moment of the Year. Along the way, he manages to exude a passive-aggresive aura of faux enthusiasm while clearly being miserable. The choices here are Mr. T's HoF speech about his momma, the WeeLC Torito/Hornswoggle match, the emergence of Damien Mizdow, and Vickie's farewell moment in which Stephanie was humiliated.

If it's not Mizdow, we riot!

[ads]

And the Winner Is: Damien Mizdow! He comes out, accompanied by Miz, and it looks like Miz is actually gonna let him have his moment... but then, just as Sandow's about to speak, Miz horns in on the action, and delivers a speech about his acting Genius, while Mizdow mirrors him. The fans chant "WE WANT MIZ DOW," and Miz plays off it, by saying, "Yes, yes, I know, you want Miz, now." Heh.

Then, he gets serious, and says, "I have to thank someone without whom none of this could have happened... the Moneymaker." Sandow is once again left out in the cold, but seems to be suffering it in good spirits.

EVEN THE SKITS ARE SHORT, TONIGHT (But, per Usual, the Skirt is Even Shorter, and of This, OO Approves)

Rusev and Lana head to the ring, where Lana says she can think of many more deserving "LOL Moments," like the American economy, or President Obama, or the Real Americans...

And as if on cue, the Real Americans theme march fires up, and Swagger pops out on the stage, with a mic. He says, "You broke Zeb Colter's leg, so on Sunday, I will snap your ankle."

Then, he charges the ring, and gets the better of a perfunctory brawl, until he cinches in the Patriot Act. Refs have to swarm and pull him off, but not before Rusev is tapping like mad. So, see? Swagger could TOTALLY and for-realz win that match on Sunday. Uh huh.

Also, man alive, even the non-wrestling segments are hyper Time Compressed tonight.

[ads]

RYBACK & THE USOS vs. KANE, MIZ, & MIZDOW

I should have mentioned it earlier, but my oh my, Lilian's looking nice tonight. She definitely went the extra mile for the Awards Show vibe. Also of note: Seth Green has decided to sit in on guest commentary for this one. Which is fine with me, because he is a HUGE fan of Sandow.

Ryback and Kane start. Ryback gets the better of it, leading to one time through the full rotation for the good guys. It ends with Jey getting the short end of the stick against Kane, and in comes Miz. Miz immediately flops, and Mizdow starts mirroring his bumps. The "WE WANT MIZ DOW" chants are mighty.

It reaches a comedic climax when Jey sets up for a vertical suplex, and Sandow dives into the ring, chops himself twice, and then slams himself to the mat when Jey fires off the suplex. Bemused, Jey decides to press his luck by throwing Miz out over the top rope. And sure enough, Sandow follows.

Tag champs are both down on the mat, so we break for...

[ads]

Back, and Kane is working over an Uso, but the announcers can't wait to shoot it to a clip from during the commercials... Ryback was in, and hoisted Miz up for a delayed suplex. A VERY delayed suplex. So Sandow did a headstand, and then waited until Ryback hit the suplex, before throwing himself to the floor outside the ring.

Alright, that's it: Damien Sandow is now my favorite wrestler. Not "one of," not ironically or as a joke. He's just flat-out delivering more entertainment-per-minute than anyone else on the roster. Granted, those minutes are limited, and the joke might wear thin, but for now: who cares, the man's a genius?

Back to live action, where Kane has just tagged in Miz, inspring another round of "WE WANT MIZ DOW" chants. Miz quickly loses the advantage, and Uso makes a tag to Ryback, which kicks off a Pier Five Brawl. Per usual, Sandow abstains to mirror Miz, rather than do his own moves.

This becomes problematic when everybody else powders out, and Mizdow throws himself to the mat, leaving Miz alone in the ring with Ryback. Shellshock, and it's over.

Your Winners: Ryback and the Usos, via pinfall, in about 10 minutes. Pretty much the first worthwhile match of the night, and even then, the action was nothing special. It was merely dressed up extra fun and fancy by Sandow's antics.

After the Match: as is standard, Sandow dives in and starts selling the Shellshock alongside Miz, for a few solid yucks. But then Seth Green jumps into the ring, to raise Ryback's hand in victory. After a bit of (Broad) physical comedy, in which the diminutive Seth is too weak to even lift Ryback's arm, a celebration breaks out, with Seth on the Usos' shoulders. Good times.

Speaking of Good Times: we flash back to OOur childhoods, when we were still deemed too young to watch wrestling by OOur parents, and we had to sneak view all our WWF TV... it's the original Slammys, from back when they were still as much about music, as about wrestling. They made Roddy Piper the star of the clip. Perhaps I'll have to fire up a little "For Everybody" tonight after RAW...

And the Nominees Are: For Match of the Year, Ricky Steamboat is the very appropriate presenter. He only has the best match ever at WrestleMania, and about 5 or 6 of the top 100 of modern times under his belt... very cool that the live crowd gave him a standing ovation, too; it's been 4 years since he had his last little run on TV. Gone, but not forgotten. In fact, who wants to bet against me: cuz in retrospect, I say that Kofi's win-out-of-nowhere earlier (using Steamboat's flying crossbody) might have had something to do with the Dragon hanging out backstage this week?

Anyway, Steamboat makes sure to give us his bona fides, reminding us of his resume, before shooting it to the nominees. They are: Bryan vs. Orton vs. Batista, Cena vs. Wyatt II, The Shield vs. Evolution, and Team Cena vs. Team Authoirty. Of that batch, Shield/Evolution is probably my pick, but this is one where there's really no bad toption.

[ads]

And the WInner Is: Team Cena vs. Team Authority.... and very fittingly, Dolph Ziggler comes out to accept the award. He was the stand-out, singular star of that match. He has the good sense to put Steamboat over one more time, before talking about the match. He seems truly grateful just to have been in the match, thanks to the fans standing by him... but once he was there, and he was given the chance, he didn't want to let anyone down, so that's what inspired him. It's our award as much as his.

Classy.

AJ LEE vs. SUMMER RAE

We're all adults here. Let's not pretend this is something it isn't.

Your WInner: AJ Lee, via submission, in 2 minutes. These are not the droids we're looking for, move along...

And the Nominees Are: Here's Rob Van Dam to present the Extreme Moment of the Year category. The choices: Brock Lesnar squashing Cena with 16 Germans, Kane attacking Daniel Bryan (the storyline explanation for Bryan's injury/surgery, even though it wasn't that bad), Jericho diving off the top of the cage against Wyatt, and Rollins Curb Stomping Ambrose through cinder blocks. Nothing strikes me as truly "extreme," and thus, the category is probably superfluous (just an excuse to remind us of some highlights)... but the 16 Germans is probably my choice, and the cinder block sure worked, too, in terms of drOOg-approved Ultra Violence..

[Ed. Note: yes, I just re-read "A Clockwork Orange" for the first time in about 12 years. Why have I wasted all that time calling you "OO Nation" when "drOOgs" was right there, staring me in the face? It's probably Stephen Colbert's fault... and since he's leaving, why not use it as an excuse to rebrand my fanbase?]

[Ed. Note to the Ed. Note: and also yes, part of the reason why I was motivated to reread that book is because of the Simpsons Halloween special, where the Clockwork Orange parody was easily the best Halloween segment in -- oh -- 12 years. I immediately rewatched the movie, with the more Kubrick-y stylistic elements in mind, and, in turn, that made me want to go back to the source materail, and strip out the easily-parodied bits. I'm glad I did; it's as emersive a literary experience as I've ever had, even the third time around. If you've never read it, check out "A Clockwork Orange" by Anthony Burgess. Assuming you've got the persistence to get past the first chapter, you will aboslutely devour the rest, and ou'll thank me later, O my brothers.]

[ads]

And the Winner Is: Chris Jericho.... and with that, I hereby declare: IN MY FACE, I AM SO STUPID. WWE did let Jericho win one, albeit one he didn't necessarily deserve. So I guess that means they are also telegraphing Jericho's little mini-return (already being promoted for around the time of the Royal Rumble, in local advertising, which is odd, as they aren't even pretending to make it a surprise this time). Telegraphing is the new Surprising? Just when you think Jericho's gonna zig, he zags?

Anyway, he's obviously not here, either. So Fandango comes out to accept, because..... oh yeah, wait: Fandango's first WWE feud was with Jericho. And Fandango won it. So this is an excuse for cheap heat. And that's exactly the tack he takes, reminding us of that win before reminding us that nobody will ever forget the name of Goldust.... errrr, wait: Fandango.

Jolly Ol' St. Mick: another week, another wwe shop dot com plug, featuring Mick Foley as Santa. Turns out, I was right, that really was his daughter Noelle last week, no matter how hard I try to pretend it hasn't been 15 years since "Beyond the Mat" happened. This week, he manages to work in a classic Al Snow dig, telling Noelle to get a replica Slammy in the mail to "Al from Lima, OH" because he's always wanted one, but never won one. Heh. He had another zinger about Randy Savage and "Scotty from Orlando," but off the top of my head, I'm not getting that one. Is Jay Lethal's real name Scott? Or is there something else from Mick's foray into the Orlando WankerZone that I'm whiffing on?

Backstage: Renee Young has Big Show for an interview. Same basic thing as Cena's interview earlier. Show references his match Sunday against Rowan, and says tonight is the start of his dominance, cuz he's gonna take Cena out, and he framed it all in a way where the promo was about people making mistakes, and how the Universe didn't forgive him his one mistake at Survivor Series, so he's not about to forgive anyone else's mistakes going forward. Not particularly useful, but seemed to have a lot more nuance and thought behind it than Cena's SO ANGRY~! promo.

[ads]

And the Nominees Are: presenting Wrestler of the Year, it's Booker T. He keeps it short, and shoots it to our options. It might be Brock Lesnar. Or Dean Ambrose. Or Daniel Bryan. Or Roman Reigns. Or Bray Wyatt. Or Seth Rollins. Ambrose, Wyatt, and Rollins are the only choices from a "full year of work" perspective. Lesnar and Bryan are the choices if you're willing to overlook quality of appearances moreso than quantity. I have no idea how Reigns is on the list.

With that in mind: it's either Rollins, the hands-down best of that group, or Bryan, because this is an excuse to have Bryan make an appearance on the show and keep him fresh in our minds ahead of his (hopefully) return in early 2015. Let's see...

[ads]

Next Week: it's gonna be "RAW is JERICHO," as Chris Jericho steps in as guest GM for the night. I like it! And it all ties into his little Slammy win for not-the-category-he-should-have-won, too!

And the Winner Is: Roman Reigns. Well, if you voted for Roman Reigns, feel free to let me hear it, but I'm hereby declaring the fix is in, because as a fan, there's really no justification I can think of for this. You're either the "full year or bust" sort of wanker, or the "I'm a sucker for the parttime mega star" type of mark. But Reigns fails on both counts.... and yet, his return is coming within the next couple weeks, so WWE wants to give him some (not deserved) traction.

I say this as a big fan of Reigns and his potential, but as a man with two feet planted in the real world.

[ads]

JOHN CENA vs. BIG SHOW

It's 11:01pm (eastern) by the time the bell rings.... so for all the time compression and awkward formatting (including the previous two segments, each of which was less than 5 minutes long in between ads), there's also no intent for the main event to be taken serious as a match.

Live crowd isn't letting it get them down, though, as huge "Let's Go Cena"/"Cena Sucks" dueling chants break out for the brief early feeling out process. Then Show settles in on offense about 1 minute in. He's working the ribs/chest with knees, elbows, and chops.

Three minutes in, Cena dodges a corner charge, and follows with a DDT for a near fall. He's "too beaten up" (after 3 minutes) to follow up, so when he addresses Big Show again, Show hits a sidewalk slam for a two count. So the beatdown continues for another minute, resulting in OO's second least favorite "submission" hold, the bearhug...

Cena powers out, and turns it into a sleephold (also not high on OO's list). The crowd, which was willing to be lively at the start, isn't really buying any of this, so OO is not alone in its aesthetic tastes.

Show won't go down, though, so Cena opts out of the hold, and after a quick exchange, hits his backdrop suplex. He calls for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Show catches him by the throat, and goes for the chokeslam... Cena floats over and hoists Show up for the F-U. And he hits it! Always impressive.

But then Rollins and the Stooges hit the ring, and the ref has to call for the bell.

Your Winner: John Cena, via DQ, in 5 minutes. I have officially run out of ways to be dismissive of half-assed matches. But this was another one that scores a zero in a vacuum or on its own merits.... still, WWE's in telling-stories-for-the-PPV mode, and we have to account for that bigger picture.

After the Match: with the bigger picture in mind, Seth Rollins brings a ladder into the ring, and sets up for an Atomic Curb Stomp on Cena. Ziggler to the rescue. Big Show recovers, so Rowan has to come out to even the odds (remember, the Stooges are still involved). So Harper is out. Then Ryback. And finally, Kane.

It's a big 8-way brawl. Harper puts Ziggler though a table. Cena with an F-U on Harper. Rollins with a Curb Stomp on Cena. The Stooges join in, and Rollins calls for them to clear the announce table. And then, it's once again Shield 2.0, as they Triple Powerbomb Cena through the announce desk.

In other words, it's pretty much, run-in-for-run-in, a replay of how last week's RAW ended. But in terms of the Bigger Picture, I get it. I guess. We fade to black on the heel four standing tall, with their respective PPV opponents scattered on the floor.

And so ends the show. It's a show that seemed to purposely punt the in-ring aspect... and once that's done, there wasn't a whole lot to latch on to. WWE was clearly trying to steer your focus to Sunday's TLC event, and in that regards, they were successful.

Except for one thing: I was already focused on TLC, and all WWE did was recycle things in the name of creating AWARENESS for the line-up. They did very little to increase ANTICIPATION. And for me, as a weekly fan, that's a problem.

All too often, WWE seems intent on making their product accessible to the marginal fringe fans. Tonight was DEFINITELY one of those nights. And in the process, they frequently bore or annoy the loyal viewers.

I completely understand the need of the former. I cannot fathom how they possibly let quality control slip so badly, and so frequently, with regards to the latter. The two are NOT mutually exclusive goals. In fact, they are complimentary, since having a week where you score big with a casual viewer doesn't mean jackshit if you start to bore them after two or three weeks.

So yes, use all the old school promotional tricks to create awareness and hammer home your key stories ahead of a PPV... but don't pretend like that is, in an of itself, so complicated a job so as to forget to entertain the 3 million American viewers per week who already know there's a PPV on Sunday. We're important, too. In fact, trying to convert more of those 3 million into PPV/Network viewers would almost seem to be the better focus, rather than converting the 1 million who slide in and out of awareness.

But regardless, WWE did focus on one, but not the other, and as one of the 3 million, I'm completely justified in being less than entertained by tonight's overall package. Make no mistake, I'm still gonna be there, front and center, for TLC. But tonight's show is pretty much zero of the reason why.

Also, WWE could be forgiven if they thought the spectacle of the Slammys would distract us from the lack of advancement on the in-ring side... no matter how "loyal" I am as a viewer, the Slammys still happen once a year, and I can't act jaded about that.

But then they go and build to the night's biggest award being handed out to Roman Reigns, with the fix clearly being in? Yeah, the once-a-year specialness sort of rinses away, and it all just fades into the background of just-another-show.

As I mentioned above, I also have other things on my mind, so who knows how that's playing into things. Let's just hand out a grade of D-plus, which seems fair to me, but your mileage may vary.

I'll get back to real-life business, and -- whether it's from here in Dayton, or from Ft. Worth -- be a bit more settled down when it comes time for Sunday's TLC PPV. See you then, kids....

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises

RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It

PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!

RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.