OO Column: Online Onslaught by Rick Scaia (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

OO RAW RECAP
Erick Rowan: Scholar, Gentleman, Asskicker
December 1, 2014

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OOWrestling.com

I come to you tonight as a man who has just gorged on his second full turkey dinner in five days. And one night in between, I had a club sandwich and soup. Ahhhh, Thanksgiving, the gift that keeps on giving.

And people wonder why I never eat turkey any other time of the year... the leftovers are just too ubiquitous. And other than the sausage stuffing my mom makes, it's not even really all that spectacularly delicious.

And they're not gone yet. So I guess what I'm thankful for is the fact that I have a healthy stockpile of bacon, good homemade bread, and a fresh slicing tomato. I can bring myself to hitting those last few slivers of turkey meat, so long as there's an equal amount of pig on that sammich!

But tonight was just your standard knife-and-fork replay of last Thursday for me. Let me try to ward off the effects of tryptophan long enough to spin you the story of tonight's just-completed RAW:

Opening Video Package for the Benefit of Those with ADD: OO does not recap recaps.

IN WHICH A GM IS BARELY A GM...

And we're live in Tulsa, OK, where the Notification Tone is tolling for thee. Well, for Michael Cole. He's standing by at the "Anonymous" GM Podium (remember, Hornswoggle was revealed as the Anonymous GM, but for some reason, WWE is intent on pretending that never happened)... he reads us the beginning of a message in which the GM declares that he/she/it will re-install law and order after the demise of the Authority. To that end, he/she/it is making the following rulings....

At which point John Cena's music interrupts, and he hits the ring to register his displeasure at the return of the Anonymous GM. He draws a comparison between the GM and WWE Champion Brock Lesnar, saying they both show up once a year and act like they run the place. But nuh-uh, not tonight, not on Cena's watch.

The Notification starts wailing, repeatedly, desperately. Cole wants to read what he/she/it has to say, but Cena gets out of the ring and tells him to sit down. Then Cena says that his team's victory at Survivor Series may be the most important happening in history, and he refuses to let some faceless, nameless, heartless, spineless entity step into the power vacuum and ruin what they worked so hard for.

So he closes the laptop screen and unplugs it. The Anonymous GM is dead, apparently. Well, that was easy.

But the moral victory is short-lived, because here comes Seth Rollins, accompanied by Jamie and Joey, the New Stooges. Seth calls bullshit on Cena taking credit for "the most important victory in history," because Cena didn't win anything. In fact, Rollins remembers that he eliminated Cena from the match. And the only reason his team won was the interference from one man, Sting.

Cena flips the script and says that now it's Rollins who's failing to give credit where it's due. Because the way Cena remembers it, it's Dolph Ziggler who singlehandedly won the match for the good guys.

Rollins decides not to argue the point "Sting, Ziggler, tomato, to-mah-to." He has a bigger issue to discuss... namely, this current state of affairs where there's apparently gonna be another Guest GM every week. This week, the Anonymous GM. Next week, what?, JBL? And then who? How about Batista (boooo!)? Or hey, Eric Bischoff (louder booos!)? Those could really happen. It could even be somebody worse.

It's a terrible state of affairs. It's bad for him, it's bad for Cena, and it's bad for the fans. EVERYbody deserves better. So if Cena's serious that he does everything he does for the fans, then he'll do the right thing for them, and use his power to bring the Authority back. Cena, and Cena alone, has the power to do so... so use it.

Cena actually seems to consider it, and says Rollins just has to ask nicely. So Rollins puts his pride aside, and says, "Please, John, pretty please, let the Authority come back." Of course, Cena declines at this point. He says he see through Rollins' ploy, because with the Authority, Rollins was their Golden Boy. But without them, now he's just a regular dude. "A regular dude who insists on carrying around a gold briefcase, wears too much latex, and hangs out with two wannabe mall cops." He's got nothing, and Cena's not gonna just hand it back to him by bringing back the Authority.

The Notification Tone rings again, as Cena and Rollins start staring bullets at each other. Cole insists on answering the call, and the Anonymous GM declares that he/she/it has watched all this bickering and has decided to make a new match for the TLC PPV. It'll be Cena vs. Rollins in a Tables Match, and if Cena loses, he's no longer the #1 Contender, and also....

But at this moment, Rollins blindsides Cena with the MitB Briefcase, and Cole stops reading... shall we assume that the other side of the stip is if Rollins loses, he loses MitB? Or am I reading too much into the awkward timing?

From here, Kane shows up to join in the beatdown. So here comes Ryback to even the odds. But then, here's Big Show to uneven them. So Erick Rowan shows up. So Luke Harper. And finally, so Dolph Ziggler.

The big brawl breaks in favor of the bad guys, and when it's down to 7-on-Cena, Rollins calls for the Stooges to help him Triple Powerbomb Cena through a table. Vestiges of the Shield. But also, foreshadowing their tables match.

Kind of long-winded and disjointed in spots (including the way the GM was dismissed, but then still ended up in charge), but the pay-off was probably worth it. This creates a sense of urgency between Cena and Rollins, and probably sets up a big 8-man tag for tonight.

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Or Maybe Not Worth It: so the opening segment ran so long that we come back, and find out about 3 matches made by the Anonymous GM. And then go straight back to more ads. Erick Rowan vs. Big Show. Cena/Ziggler/Ryback vs. Rollins/Kane/Harper.

And right now, a Tag Team Turmoil (gauntlet) match to determine new #1 Contenders. The Dust Brothers make their entrance, and then we shoot it to more....

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TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH

Back after that zero value added segment, and the Dust Brothers are still waiting in the ring. First up: A New Day... Kofi, Big E, and Eggsavier Woods. And during their entrance, Cole reveals that they've received a dispensation to compete under what were once known as "Freebird Rules," so that opponents won't be able to scout them. Tonight, they wind up deciding to use Kofi/Big E.

Flashy start by Kofi, then Big E tags in. After one total offensive move by Goldust, Stardust tags in, E hits a tackle, then hoists Stardust up for the Assisted Big Ending. Kofi augments it with a splash (Woods used a DDT as his combo assist on Friday). Done. Two minutes, tops. Christ, either be willing to give each fall enough time, or don't use the stip, WWE. When finishes magically change based on stipulations (like here, or in the most recent 2-of-3 falls match), htat's just lame.

Lilian announce Cesaro and Tyson Kidd as the next team up, but are we gonna see them in action? Not till after even more...

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TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH (con't)

So we got a 3 minute segment, then ads, then a 4 minute segment, then ads, and now we join Kofi/E vs. Cesaro/Kidd in progress.... with they get more than 5 minutes? THE DRAMA~!

Kofi's already installed as our Face in Peril, and remains so for a minute or so before sommersaulting past Kidd to make the tag to Big E. Rally for the big man, ending with him chucking both Kidd and Cesaro out of the ring, and then bringing Kofi back in for a huge 7-10 Split Plancha. Kofi tosses Kidd back into the ring, planning to finish him off, but suddenly Goldust and Stardust appear, and attack Woods.

As a result, Big E has to chase them up the stage, and Kofi is distracted. So Kidd takes advantage with a cheap roll-up. Once again, 2 whole minutes of action, and another elimination.

The Usos are up next. And they come out strong. But when Cesaro blind tags himself in, the legal Uso misses it, and instead dumps Kidd out of the ring and sets up for a plancha... but then Kidd pulls Natalya in front of him, stopping Uso in his tracks, while simultaneously, Cesaro (now legal) attacks from behind. Bad guys back in control, and sure enough, it's been about 5 minutes, so it's time for still more...

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TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH (con't)

Back, and the heel beatdown is in full swing. For about 45 seconds. Then a Samoan Drop on Kidd, and Cesaro is dispatched when he tries to interfere... hot tag to Jimmy. Pier Four brawl breaks out, and when Kidd again tries to use Nattie as a shield, it backfires, and he eats a superkick. Jey makes sure Cesaro can't interfere, and Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash to cause another ultra-fast elimination.

But there's still one more team... Adam Rose and the Bunny. Oy.

Rose dominates at first, and we cut backstage to see Naomi watching on a monitor, because apparently we're picking NOW to reveal that she's married to an Uso, which only magnifies the cognitive dissonance between wrestling and That Which OO Does Not Acknowledge As Valid Entertainment. Sometimes, the two exist in the same reality, other times, not so much.

It goes without saying that OO wishes one would just cease to exist, altogether, but if they both must, can't we at least figure out a work-around for why certain "real" things are acknowledged on the wrestling shows, but why Nattie's husband is "TJ" on one but "Tyson Kidd" on the other, or why John Cena never has anything to do with Nikki Bella?

Meantime, with Rose in control, the Bunny blind tags himself in, which annoys Rose. Then the Bunnys gets oohhs and aahhhs for a sunset flip powerbomb out of the corner, which only annoys Rose even more. So Rose blind tags HIMself back in, and argues with the Bunny. When he finally turns back around, he eats a superkick, collides with the Bunny, and falls back into the middle of the ring. Another Superfly Splash. Fin.

Your Winners: The Usos, via gauntlet survival, in about 20 minutes (but 9 of those were ads). I'll briefly re-iterate how silly it is to have the length of falls magically change based on stipulations, rather than having the over length of a match change based on the number of falls stipulated. It's insulting, and ultimately the stipulations just lose all impact. Then again, you could probably make 4 falls in 20 minutes work a lot better if you had one 3 minute ad break, rather than three of them... still, count me in for Usos vs. Miz/Sandow. Should be good stuff.

Backstage: Miz and Damien Sandow approach Naomi, and Miz says it'll be an honor to defend his tag titles against her husband. And also, he congratulates her on her new music video, which apparently involves twerking. Which is a word I prefer not to use, but in thise case, if there's ever a time when I'll acknowledge the existence of "twerking," I'll admit Naomi is someone who is well qualified to practice it. In fact, Miz is so in awe of Naomi's "talents" that he hands her a business card of a Hollywood producer who'd love to work with her.

She's hesitant, but Miz actually seems genuinely impressed by her work, so she takes the card. Of course, Miz was impressed by her ass work, which seems a billion kinds of sleazy, but whatever...

Meantime, Sandow has been mirroring this whole exchange, and when Miz leaves, he whips out a phantom business card of his own, and insists Naomi take it. She's confused, but decides to play along. Heh.

In the Parking Lot: A limo arrives, and Vince McMahon steps out. Why? My guess is "to hype his appearance on the WWE Network after RAW and not to do anything meaningful."

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Backstage: Tom the New Guy is standing by with Erick Rowan. Rowan is a man of few words, so Tom reveals that he's done his homework, and discovered that Rowan has a 140+ IQ, which is genius level, and is a Renaissance Man, including being an artisan wine maker. So with such a rich personal life, why has he decided to dedicate his time to picking a fight with Big Show?

"Because I don't like bullies." Then Rowan hands Tom the Rubick's Cube he'd been working on, and walks away. It has magically been solved in the course of that 30 second interview.

ERICK ROWAN vs. BIG SHOW

Show cuts a promo on his way to the ring, saying "Sure I'm a bully? And you want to know why? Because I can be." Which is about the bulliest answer to give to that question.

Pure slobberknockery, here, with the crowd actually getting pretty behind Rowan. Big Show helps, as he chooses to dive out of the ring, twice, when Rowan overpowers him. Nobody likes a chickenshit.

Third time's the charm for Show, who gets some traction for a time compressed heel beatdown. About 90 seconds of that, then Rowan starts his comeback, including clotheslining Show out of the ring.

When Rowan follows, Show turns the tables on him, whipping him into the steel ring steps. Then, Show gets an evil glint in his eye. Rather than keep on fighting clean, he just picks up the ring steps and hits Rowan with them. The ref has to call for the bell.

Your Winner: Erick Rowan, via DQ, in about 4 minutes. Nothing special, but certainly not hateful, either. Every now and again, Show clicks with another big man for matches that are surprisingly engrossing. It looks like that may be happening here, in which case, the story is served if this was an appetizer for a full-length rematch at TLC.

Backstage: Renee Young catches up to Vince McMahon (who is once again shopping in the Craig Sager aisle, if that ridiculous tie is any indication)... she wants to know more about how the existing power vacuum will be dealt with. But Vince proves me right by plugging the Steve Austin podcast on the WWE Network, and supplying no useful information beyond that.

FYI, that was about an 18-minute segment without an ad break, so clearly WWE's trying to game the ratings system moreso than they're trying to present a coherent show with good flow. I hope it works because, sweet fancy moses, it's distracting as all hell to a loyal viewer who isn't flipping in and out.

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JACK SWAGGER vs. FANDANGO (w/ Rosa)

Well, this is interesting... on one hand, Fandango's in the midst of getting rebooted as a less silly gimmick. But on the other, Swagger was, if last week is any indication, being positioned for another feud with Rusev.

But wait... maybe it's not gonna be that interesting. Because Swagger's music plays, but there's no Swagger.

The second time his music plays, the camera cuts backstage, where Zeb Colter is laid out, selling a leg injury, and Swagger's at his side, calling for help. Zeb does not deign to reveal who attacked him.

Your Winner: Fandango, via forfeit, in 0 minutes. Fandango gestures (Broadly) that he'd like to have his hand raised in victory. The ref obliges, and when Lilian starts to announce the outcome, Rosa steals the mic away to make sure that "Fahndahngo" is pronounced correctly.

Then, as they celebrate, Rusev and Lana appear on top of the stage. Apparently, they've got something they want to reveal. But they'll adhere to this stupid-ass format where 3 minute segments are interspersed with 18 minute ones, so we can watch more...

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ADMISSION OF GUILT THEATRE

Back, and Rusev and Lana have made it to the ring. Lana has a spiel about how Americans are all hypocrites, for claiming to value freedom, but then demanding that a visitor to their country recite the Pledge of Allegiance. But Rusev showed them: America tried to punish him by putting him in a Battle Royale last Friday on Smackdown. But Rusev won.

Then Rusev takes the mic, and basically says that last week's nonsense is why he just broke Zeb Colter. So now we know. Even though we could probably have just assumed as much.

Lana continues by saying, in response to last week's indignity, she will now lead America in her own Pledge. Which is basically our Pledge, but with her own words. I think she's done this before.

When she finishes, Jack Swagger sprints out to get revenge for Zeb... a little back and forth to start, then Swagger gains control, and Rusev gladly retreats once refs swarm to pull them apart.

Next Week: not only is next Monday gonna be the Slammys, but the Guest Host will be Seth Green, who stands among the very small handful of really successful guest hosts. Maybe even the best one ever.

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DAMIEN SANDOW (w/ Miz) vs. A MATADORE (w/ El Torito)

So the little bull is here, but the other Matadore is not. Miz sits in on commentary, where he says he would have taken this match (he suffered some sort of indignity on the App), but is letting Sandow have it, because it's the Season of Giving. He spends pretty much the entire match humble-bragging about how he's already made Sandow's career and now he's being equally generous to Naomi.

Meantime, in the ring, it's about 2 meandering minutes with no particular throughline, and then Sandow cinches in the Figure Four. The Matadore taps.

Your Winner: Damien Sandow, via submission, in 2 minutes. I can state, with authority, that this is a thing that happened.

After the Match: Whichever Uso is married to Naomi storms to the ring, slaps Miz, tells him to stay away from his wife, and leaves. Sandow does his job, and plops to the ground next to Miz, selling grievous harm to the Moneymaker. Meantime, JBL sneaks in a subversive little jab at the sudden revelations of marriage by saying, "What's Uso worried about? We all know Miz is married, too." Because he is. To former Women's Champ, Maryse. But WWE wants you to know about that about as much as they want you to know about Cena and Nikki, so SHHHHHHHHH, it's a secret.

Lights Out Freeze Frame: Tulsa, he's here.

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R-TRUTH vs. BRAY WYATT

We're all adults here. So let's not pretend this was something it wasn't.

Your Winner: Bray Wyatt, via pinfall, in 3 minutes or so. At no point was Wyatt in any danger of losing. Just an old fashioned squash. Not even a DQ run-in from Ambrose, even though Wyatt was openly calling for him to come on down. This continued after the match, when Bray started pulling all kinds of props out from under the ring, calling for Ambrose the whole time.

Point of Clarification: during a lull in the action (in other words, it could have been any point during the match) Cole told us that when he was interrupted during the GM email, the "and" was NOT anything about Rollin's MitB... it was "and then a new #1 Contender will be named before the Royal Rumble." Thrilling, but I'm glad I didn't keep running with a false assumption.

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OH, ROCKING CHAIR, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

It looks like Bray has set up all his props in the ring, including setting his rocking chair under a giant ladder. With a spotlight on him, he tells the tale of Jacob, and his ladder, that was a ladder to heaven. And Jacob climbed that ladder, and spoke to his maker, who told Jacob how to lead his people to salvation.

And now Bray dreams of a ladder of his own. A ladder so he can climb up and mock his maker, and laugh at all his pathetic creations. No better than insects. So at TLC, he'll use tables, ladders, and chairs, and....

Dean Ambrose finally decides to show himself. He takes the fight to Wyatt, and it immediately spills outside, away from all of Bray's props. Instead, Ambrose takes the fight to the announce table, and lays Bray out on top of it. But Wyatt flees before Ambrose can hit a move, so Ambrose does his run-across-the-table dive onto Wyatt, who is in the Timekeeper Cubicle.

Bray continues his retreat the second refs show up to pull the two apart. But Ambrose has one final ace up his sleeve: he gets in the ring, and destroys Bray's rocking chair. This infuriates Wyatt, who tries to charge back to the ring, but refs are able to hold him back until the destruction is done.

Ambrose celebrates, and Wyatt finally gives up the fight, walking back up the ramp, looking all forelorn.

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AJ LEE & NAOMI vs. THE BELLA TWINS

So the story here is that AJ is not only so despised by her peers that she can't keep a friend or find a tag partner (Naomi was voted in by a fan vote, albeit by a much smaller margin over Nattie than I would have guessed, considering how hard Naomi was pushed earlier in the show)... but AJ is also so toxic that she actually drove the Bellas back together. Brie is now supporting her sister of her own free will, not because of a contractual obligation. Hokay.

Naomi starts, and immediately morphs into our time-compressed face in peril. Frequent tags and so forth by the Bellas. The live audience responds by chanting "SEE EM PUNK."

About 2 minutes in, and AJ gets the hot tag, and goes to town on Nikki. Brie is forced to come in to break it up after a Tornado DDT, at which point Naomi joins in, and things break down. Brie and Naomi powder out almost immediately, and AJ hits the Shining Wizard and locks in the Black Widow. Fin.

Your Winners: AJ and Naomi, via submission, in 3 minutes flat. AJ celebrates her victory over the women's champ, without bothering to acknowledge Naomi's presence.

Cyber Monday Deals from Jolly Ol' St. Mick: Mick Foley does what Mick Foley does in December (or pretty much any other day of the year, for that matter)... he dresses up like Santa. And he announces several great deal available on WWEShop dot com. Was that his daughter Noelle as his helper elf? I think it was. Jesus, I'm getting old.

Of course, the fact that I insist on rewatching "Beyond the Mat" once or twice a year has probably done nothing to help me to accurately perceive the linear passage of 16 years worth of time, with regards to the Foley family, either. Those kids weren't gonna stay tiny and traumatized-by-the-'99-Rumble forever... no matter how indelible the image was.

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Friday on SmackDown: it's Rusev defending the US Title against Dean Ambrose. Seems like a schmozzy non-finish is inevitable...

Live, Via Satellite: it's Paul Heyman, who wants to address John Cena. Because Cena made a little joke earlier, about how Brock Lesnar only shows up once per year. But what's wrong with that? This time of year, above all, we should realize that doing something once a year is what makes it special. You can't do Christmas 365 days a year, that'd be stupid. You can't just call every Monday "WrestleMania," because it'd lose all meaning.

Brock Lesnar is Christmas, Brock Lesnar is WrestleMania. He's special, and he won't be changing for Cena, or anyone else.

And also, Heyman wants to know more about this #1 Contender situation... Cena may lose his shot at Lesnar, and if so, then what? Does it revert to Seth Rollins? Probably not, since Rollins is a snivelly little cheap who admitted that he interfered at NoC specifically because he'd rather not have to face Lesnar. The Undertaker? Nobody's seen him since WM, and we never will, because Lesnar ended him. How about Sting? Heyman's OK with that; you don't even have to promote it as a Retirement Match, but Lesnar would make sure it turns into one, if you get his drift.

So with all that said, Heyman reveals he really doesn't care who is the #1 Contender. Sure, maybe Lesnar has been training with Cena in mind... but ultimately, Brock Lesnar is special, and he'll mow down anyone WWE puts in front of him. Hell, just line-up the entire WWE locker room, and Lesnar will take them out, one by one, like a lion devouring the Christians for the amusement of the Romans. Lesnar cannot be stopped.

Heyman is so good at promos, it should be illegal; he makes everybody else come off as confident and quick-witted as Chris Farley in his role as the host of The Chris Farley Show. Also of note: Lesnar had been hyped as appearing at next week's RAW, but Heyman oddly did not mention that, and his little speech would seem to hint at Lesnar's on-going absence, rather than a sudden cameo for the Slammys.

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JOHN CENA/DOLPH ZIGGLER/RYBACK vs. SETH ROLLINS/KANE/LUKE HARPER

Cena starts, and calls for Rollins to start... Rollins declines, and Harper steps up. Cena opts to not discriminate, and delivers the same beating to Harper that he would have to Rollins. And when he finishes, he just goes over and manfully pulls Rollins into the ring, pounds him down, and applies the SSTF.

Of course, Rollins is not legal, so none of this counts. And as soon as Harper regains his feet, he puts an end to that happy crappy. This leads to both teams making a few tags, going all the way through their rotations.

The early feeling out settles down, with Ryback as the Interim Face in Peril (it's only 10:40pm, eastern, so there's no way the first hot tag is the real hot tag). This goes on for a few minutes, until Ryback blocks a suplex attempt by Harper, and counters with an impressive delayed suplex of his own...

Except that we awkwardy slam cut to a commercial break during the "delay" and before the actual impact. That's extremely sloppy by WWE standards, and it's not the first major production miscue tonight (they also missed Kidd using Nattie as a shield, and had to come back to it on replay).... I wonder if somebody took a week off and tonight is the understudy, or something?

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Back, and Ryback apparently spent the ad break dominating Harper, but as soon as we return Ziggler tags in. Kane in on the corresponding move. After a quick exchange, Ziggler locks in a sleeper, but Kane powers out and then catches Dolph with a stiff uppercut.

Now, it's Ziggler's turn to be on the receiving end of a heel beatdown. It's something he does rather expertly. So he does it for a good 5 minutes straight, to the extent that JBL starts mocking the fans when they chant for him. "Ziggler's too stupid to quit, he's taken years off his career, and these idiots in the crowd are encouraging him to keep doing it, night after night."

But right at 5 minutes, even Ziggler's had enough of making everybody else look like a million bucks... he gets separation on Rollins, dives to his corner, and in comes John Cena. Cena's all over Rollins, so Harper and Kane decide to get involved. Ryback helps fight them off, but with the ref's attention diverted, the New Stooges get a brief double-team on Cena.

The extracurricular players powder out, and all that's left is Rollins standing tall over Cena. We use this as an excuse for our final....

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Back, and Cena is mid-hope-spot... but Kane (now legal) snuffs that out easily enough, and then goes to the good ol' chinlock. Randall Orton: gone, but not forgotten!

Cena powers out, and creates space with a dropkick, but before he can get to his corner, Harper tags in and cuts him off at the pass. The beatdown continues. Rollins finally opts to tag in against Cena for the first time after Harper flattens him with a wicked superkick. He figures it'll be easy pickin's, and decides to lay in with the smacktalk, as well as the nonchalent offense.

This works for a bit, but as sure as the sun rises in the east, it's destined to backfire eventually. And sure enough, it does... Ziggler in on the hot tag, and Harper in at the same time. But the legal men fail to matter as it instantly breaks down into a Pier Sixer. Cena makes a huge top rope dive onto the scrum, which sets off a rapid fire sequence of big moves and finishers, until we're back down to Harper vs. Ziggler.

Harper is in control, and sets up for a powerbomb... but he has forgotten the golden rule: YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN~! Errrr, Ziggler. Ziggler flips through and turns it into a small package. One, two, and three.

Your Winners: Dolph Ziggler, John Cena, and Ryback, via pinfall, in about 25 minutes. Very much a paint-by-numbers match that stuck to a standard formula... but a well performed exhibition of said formula. In terms of steak, it wasn't a well-marbled Porterhouse, but it was still a notch better than a Waffle House Strip Steak. And the personalities involved got the audience hooked in enough that there was even a bit of sizzle to go with the meat.

After the Match: it immediately devolved into chaos, once again. Kane and Rollins pearl harbored Ziggler, and when Cena/Ryback came to his aid, the Big Show ran in and turned the tide. With help from the Stooges, it was a 6-on-3 brawl.

Enter Erick Rowan, carrying the same ring steps that Show used to victimize him, earlier. And it's Rowan who gets the last laugh, walloping all the bad guys with the steps, and single handedly clearing the ring. All four good guys stand tall, but then we sneak in one final look at Stone Cold Steve Austin preparing to interview Vince McMahon on the WWE Network...

And so ends the show. It ended strong, that's for sure, and that strong ending had its roots in a decent-but-overlong opening segment. If they'd just tightened up the opening promo, you could have had excellent bookends accounting for about 45 minutes of airtime. As it stood, those bookends were just shy of an hour, and it was apparent to any multi-ceullular organism that other parts of the show could have desperately used those extra minutes.

OK, one other part. The tag gauntlet. A few more minutes and the freedom to excise at least one of those ad breaks (which had to be shoehorned in because RAW started with over 25 minutes WITHOUT an ad), and that guantlet goes from a source of annoyance to a second extremely enjoyable Anchor Match.

As it stood, there was no chance to create any real flow, or add any nuance or complexity... it was a match that was 2 minutes, elimination, add, 2 minutes, elimination, and so forth. You can/should create a secondary story/issue with a multi-way match like this... but even with the Dust Brothers perfunctory afterthought of a run in, this wound up being a match with one winner and four clear-cut losers. That's no way to build up the mid-card.

The awkward inclusion of Total Diva stuff would be my only other significant complaint. But WWE's inability to follow the first rule of storytelling -- maintain a singular, realiable narrative point of view -- is so ingrained, and I doubt me continuing my 15-year quest will make any difference. So yeah, sometimes, it's a wholly scripted show with a fourth wall, and you have to accept that there is no camera man. Other times, cameramen are part of the show. And now, we arbitrarily acknowledge some parts of a "reality" show that is just as scripted as our wrestling show, but not others. Makes perfect sense.

In a world where you've made a conscious decision that you have no obligation to make sense. Which WWE apparently has. And they suck at it. Because it's a stupid decision to make. Unless you are the writer of "The Usual Suspects," and you have a very specific reason for breaking that storytelling rule about the narrative POV, other than sheer laziness.

But I digress.

Very good main event, based off an opening promo that was OK, if windy. A potentially good tag guantlet, marred by a pair of distracting presentational problems. And then everything else basically served its purpose, I guess, albeit not in any particularly memorable way, outside of Heyman's awesome promo.

I think I gotta go C-minus for tonight's show. Yeah, C-minus...

See you all next week for the Slammys and Seth Green. My expectations are for a strong bounce back show heading into TLC, before WWE settles in for its traditional 2 or 3 week holiday halfassery!

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RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot

RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning

RAW RECAP: Say My Name

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again

RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?

PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!

RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes

RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over

RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne

SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening

RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000

PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown

RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch

SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day

RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits

RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB

SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo

RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012

RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts

SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome

RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?

RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power

RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge

PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella

RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto

RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?

RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve

PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs

RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted

RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?

SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!

RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk

SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang

RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH. He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.