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OO RAW RECAP
RAW 's 1000th Episode
July 24, 2012

by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OOWrestling.com

 

Hey, everybody, it's me! I guess Pyro decided it'd be better if RAW's 1000th show was handled by some old geezer who actually, you know?, was alive to watch the 1st episode. And remembers it vividly.
 
Actually, the truth is worse than that. Much, much worse.
 

As I got to thinking back on RAW's 1000 episodes, I came to a realization: I don't think I've missed more than 7 or 8 of them. Seriously: that's how loyal/masochistic I am. Through thick and thin, I've made sure to watch over 99% of RAWs. Even when I went away to college, and was horrified to realize there was no cable in the freshman dorms (my dad taped RAW for me almost every week). Even when Mondays became the agreed-upon day to practice for my band, The National Drink, I always set that VCR. Trips, vacations, family emergencies, you name it: I wouldn't miss my RAW unless a blue moon converged with a technological failure.
 
In other words: Oh, I have wasted my life. [/comicbookguy]
 
Out of curiousity, does anybody out there have a better "Loyalty Rate" than me? Or at least one over 90% or so? Just so that I don't have to feel so alone, here? I don't think WWE's gonna give me any sort of award for my loyalty, so really, the best I can hope for is to share my shame with others like me.
 
OK, there's also one other thing I can do: channel my years of RAW Expertise into celebrating RAW's 1000th Show with some old school recappening. Let's ride:

New opening bumper. No rapid fire montage of stars past and present, instead it'simply a WWE logo with the catchphrase "Then. Now. Forever."

RAW in a Nutshell. A 4-5 minute music video of past RAW highlights, starting with 1993 in the Manhatten Center, and running up through some of 2012's highlights (though not in chronological order). It's 95% clips that would be meant to appeal to casual fans/mainstream viewers who are tuning in for the special event (namely, a metric shit ton of celebrity clips)... but then there are a few oddball choices that are CLEARLY gonna go right over the head of all casual viewers, and are just going to annoy hardcore fans. To wit: "choppy choppy your pee-pee" made the cut. Truly, one of RAW's proudest moments?

No Opening Pyro/Theme/Etc., we just cut to the inside of the Whatever They Call the Kiel Center nowadays in St. Louis, MO. There, Vince McMahon walks out onto the stage with a mic, quickly thanks the fans for making all this necessary and then introduces our first legends... Degeneration X.

Damien Sandow's Martydom for the Masses. Triple H and Shawn Michaels hit the ring, and are about to start their usual song and dance... but HBK introduces the notion that something is missing. HHH agrees. They make multiple jokes about underpants, and then determine that what's missing is the fact that there used to be more of them. Crowd pops big at the implication. Shawn and Hunter go back and forth milking them for an even bigger reaction. And then they hit the DX music again.

Here are Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, and X-Pac, driving the "Nitro Invasion Jeep." [Chyna Who?]

Lots of hugging and crotch-chopping gives way to Classic Patter. First, Road Dogg does his "Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls...." speech (self-bleeping the "Ass" part). Then HHH does the "Are you ready...." bit. And then, for a bit of fun, Billy and Shawn argue over who should do that "And if you're not down with that...." because Billy's the one who did it first, but nobody remembers that, because he's a dumb loser. They're still arguing over it when the Hallelujah Chorus hits.

It's OO's New Favorite Wrestler and Onscreen Avatar of Smug Superiority, Damien Sandow! And he's not pleased that these degenerates are being celebrated; it just goes to show how far WWE and society as a whole have deteriorated. He wants DX to leave the ring, and he wants a chance to bring the unwashed masses up to his level. HHH and HBK sarcastically say "Yeah, we're pretty lame" and let Damien continue. But X-Pac, Billy, and Road Dogg are more itchy, and Damien notices.

In fact, he says, "I realize there are 5 of you, and 1 of me, and you could easily eviscerate me and dispatch of me like common garbage. But if you do, I won't be a victim. Instead, you'll make me a martyr for the causes of sophistication and intelligence." How very Jedi of him: strike him down, and he becomes even more powerful than you can imagine.

So with this new information in mind, Darth Hunter huddles the troops and decides what to do. When they break, HHH starts talking to Sandow and gets as far as "So here's what we've deci...." before HBK sneaks up from behind the guy and superkicks him. Then it's HHH with a Pedigree. And then Shawn makes a big show of giving the mic to Billy, so Billy can say "And if you're not down with that, we got two words for ya!" Awww, how generous; I'm sure Jesus approves, Shawn!

Hit the music, and DX keeps celebrating (including a second batch of crotch-chop-timed pyro). Very fun opening segment:

Fun Fact You Probably Didn't Know: Damien Sandow was one of the final students turned out by Killer Kowalski. HHH is Kowalski's most successful student ever, so it's no mystery why he'd want to help out a fellow alum by including him in DX's segment. Let's just hope the connection works out better for Sandow than it did for Spirit Squad Kenny.

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Sheamus/Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Alberto del Rio/Chris Jericho/Dolph Ziggler. Special guest commentary by Jim Ross. So I guess Punk and Cena didn't get their way (they were campaigning for him to call the main event). Oh well. Out of the gate, Sin Cara IMMEDIATELY jumps headfirst into Face in Peril status, as the heels cut the ring in half. The Ricky Morton segment of the match is heavily time-compressed, so it's only 3 minutes or so in when there's a hot tag to Sheamus, who briefly goes to town on Jericho before it all breaks down into a Pier Six brawl.

Once the other four guys powder out, it's back down to Sheamus and Jericho, and this time, Jericho is in command. Some nice reversals and escapes, and Jericho goes for the Lionsault... but Ziggler, his own partner, interferes and knocks Jericho off the ropes. Jericho, dazed, stumbles back and right into a Brogue Kick.

Your Winners: Sheamus/Mysterio/Sin Cara, via pinfall, in about 5 minutes. Like I said, very time compressed, because of all the other stuff they'll have to cram into the show. But also very well executed while it lasted. And the finish, with the heels imploding, keeps us moving towards a Jericho/Ziggler match at SummerSlam, which is a good thing.

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Awful: WWE airs touts from fans. Because if you can't put on show that people want to watch, you can promise to put fans on TV so that they'll tune in on the off chance of seeing themselves. Instead of seeing something, you know?, good.

Not as Awful as You'd Think: Since Charlie Sheen quit twitter, and couldn't be "RAW's Social Media Ambassador" or whatever-the-hell that was, he's here on Skype. And he seems relatively sober. And also: fairly interested in the RAW product. He didn't mangle any names, and his enthusiasm seemed genuine. Probably worked out for the best for WWE, as this was a lot more convincing than if they'd been stuck with Sheen's twitter feed (which, it has since been revealed, was just Sheen's publicist tweeting on his behalf, anyway).

Backstage: AJ is all radiant and glowing in anticipation of her wedding, and Layla's all "are you sure this is the right thing to do?" and AJ gets indignant, because she's so totally NOT crazy. In fact, it's WWE that's crazy. AJ invites Layla to look outside their door and witness... and sure enough, (1) there's Hacksaw Jim Duggan blathering like an idiot, then (2) R-Truth and Roddy Piper playing jump rope with Little Jimmy, and finally (3) Mae Young and a guy in a giant foam hand suit claiming to be her son. That last one was enough for Layla to finally grant that AJ might have a point.

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Product Placement FTW: a cute chick on skates delivers some fine Sonic products to the commentary desk. I am not as annoyed by this as I should be, because I think Sonic is the finest fast food out there, and I want them to be more successful so that I don't have to drive 20 minutes to get to one. Tater tots, slushies, and breakfast-all-day rule!

Brodus Clay vs. Jack Swagger. Yeah, so this happened. And it happened with Mick Foley (as Dude Love) as Brodus' second.

Your Winner: Brodus Clay, via pinfall, in 25 seconds flat. Thanks for playing, Jack. And then the fat men danced for our pleasure.

Backstage: Triple H and Trish Stratus are talking. Specifically, they are talking about yoga, and how HHH could really improve his flexibility if he follows Trish's regimen (she's got her own yoga studio these days). She starts putting him through a few paces, focusing on getting him to bend over to touch his toes. Just as HHH starts complaining that "It's really tight back there" and "No, that hurts" (with Trish standing behind him, pushing him down), DX walks in, and immediately miscontrues things. Road Dogg tries to herd everybody out saying "Sorry to interrupt. We'll just wait and bump into you later. Errr, out back. Ummm, in the rear." Shawn, Dogg, and Billy all leave, and HHH sheepishly follows. But X-Pac remains behind and turns the Sleaze Dial up to 11 as he hits on Trish with all the charm of a Greasy Butt-head.
 
Good times. All in one fell swoop, it's a callback to the infamous moment when HHH had Trish bent over in a suggestive fashion (under the guise of teaching her chain wrestling) when Steph walked in, AND the fact that X-Pac seems like the kind of perv who likes having things shoved up his butt. I mean, he did date Chyna, and we still aren't sure who was the girl in that relationship.

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Do You Take This Job, Until Death (or Creative Decision) do You Part? It's wedding time, and to officiate the ceremony: it's Slick! The one time manager of Sheik/Volkoff, Akeem/One Man Gang, and of course, Kamala. Also: he's a real Reverend. I'm excited, just because it's a chance to hear "Jive Soul Bro," which was easily the 2nd best song on the original Wrestling Album.

Daniel Bryan enters first to his theme music. AJ enters second to the standard bridal march (and, in a fetching bit of attention to character, is rocking the Chuck Taylor's with an otherwise girly-girl wedding dress). Then Slick -- still as eloquent as ever -- goes into full preachy mode. "Wedding is a sacred institution" and so on and so forth, until AJ actually turns to him and tells him to get to the good part. So Slick does so, asking if anyone in the building opposes the wedding. Pretty much everybody does.

But despite the boos and "NO!" chants, Bryan proceeds with his voes, and putting the ring on AJ's finger. But when Slick turns to AJ and asks if she also takes Bryan, she says "YES! YES! YES!," and it seems that all is well.... except it isn't. Because she wasn't saying "YES!" to Daniel. She was saying yes to another man. Another man who made her an even better proposal just a few hours ago. ["Oooooooohhhhhh" says the crowd.]

And then Vince McMahon's music starts up, and the "Oooooohhhhhhhhh" gets even louder (and sterner). So here's Vince on the stage again. He assures us it's not "that kind" of proposal, it's a BUSINESS proposal. And with that, he introduces us to the new General Manager of RAW.... AJ.

AJ breaks into a shit-eating grin, then starts skipping around Bryan as he music kicks in. She blows him a kiss and skips on her merry way up the ramp, chanting "YES" while Bryan destroys the in-ring wedding set.

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Seamless Transition Theatre. So we return, and Bryan is still in the ring, refusing to leave until somebody comes out and remove him by force. So here comes CM Punk. But he's not into the whole "by force" thing. He just wants to talk. He rubs Bryan's face in it for a bit, and then asks Bryan to leave and go pitch his fit somewhere else, so Punk can get on with the business of being the best in the world here in this very ring. Bryan takes umbrage at the "best in the world" comment, and says that he (Bryan) is the best of ALL TIME. Do you hear him, best of ALL TIME!

"DO YOU SMELLLLLALLLLLLALLLLLLALLLLL"... and here's the Rock to take Super Umbrage~! at Bryan's claim. After a lengthy entrance and lovefest with the fans, Rock gets in Bryan's face and tells him "You don't decide the greatest of all time. They [the fans] do." And, in Rock's opinion, Bryan isn't the greatest of all time, unless it's int he category of "greatest lovechild of an oompa loompa and a homeless lumberjack." So just in case "goatboy" wasn't gonna stick for Bryan, Rock just gave fans the choice of "oompa loompa." Also, you could go with "Frodo." Ahhh, that's our Rocky.

Rock then turns his attention to CM Punk, because Punk holds the WWE Title. And last time Rock was here, he said he wanted the WWE Title. And now, he's got his shot. He's talked to the WWE Board, he's checked his schedule, and at the Royal Rumble PPV, he will face the WWE Champion with the title on the line. He delivers that last part right into Punk's face.

So Punk mans up, and stays nose to nose with Rock as he says, "Well, let me just fill in that blank for you, Rocky. Cuz the man you're gonna face at teh Royal Rumble is me." Punk says he's gonna beat Cena tonight, and then he can't wait for the Rumble to get here, because he'll do the same thing to Dwayne. This actually gets some grumblings/boos. Rock counters by promising that he'd LOVE for it to be Punk that he faces at the Rumble, and he promises to win the belt at the Rumble. That gets almost all cheers. Huh.

Then, as the two start a staredown, Daniel Bryan starts yelling "NO! NO! NO!" and gets between the two, saying that this was supposed to be HIS big night, and even if it didn't go as planned, he was still going to demand respect. In fact, he promises that HE will beat Punk and then he'll face Rocky at the Rumble and become "the face of WWE." Needless to say, Rock doesn't see Bryan as "face of the WWE" material, and teases him some more. But then, Rock decides to get friendly, and he says he has a wedding present for Bryan. So, even though the wedding didn't happen, would Bryan still like his gift? Sure, why not, says Bryan...

Except it's a Rock Bottom. Sucker. Hit Rock's music, cuz this segment is OVER. I dug it. All three guys were on their A-games, mic-wise, and the crowd was way into it. And the announcement about the Rumble? I'm a huge fan of that; having a couple matches a year with build-ups measured in months instead of weeks is a good thing. Plus, the way Bryan was worked in means he's not 100% out of the title picture. Which means that dream of a IronMan match is still alive.

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Christian vs. Miz (InterContinental Title Match). Bret Hart came out as guest ring announcer (and briefly mentioned how important it was to him to win the IC Title for the first time). Then Miz and Christian get started, with Christian controlling the early moments of the match... this comes to an end when he dives from the top rope to the floor, and hurts his own knee in the process. Both men down, so let's break for....

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Back, and Miz is working over that "injured" knee (just in case you were worrying it was a for-real injury)... just a minute or two of heel beatdown, and Christian starts a rally. Bunch of big moves and near falls, and then into a back-and-forth end game, where Christian's knee keeps him from scorring a decisive move. Final spot is Christian flipping out of a Skull Crushign Finale, only to land hard on his bad leg. Miz capitalizes, waiting for Christian to get gingerly to his feet, and then landing the SKF for the win.

Your Winner, and NEW InterContinental Champion: Miz, via pinfall, in about 8 minutes. Granted about 3 of those were during an ad break, so you file this one under "good-but-short," too. Still, entertaining enough, and it strikes me as a solid way to reboot Miz.

Sheen v2.0: More with Charlie. This time, he basically just taunts Daniel Bryan mercilessly, repeating Rock's "oompa loompa" talk.


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Live (Not) with Regis: Regis has done more hours of TV than any human being ever in the history of history (I'm not kidding, look it up) so he has a certain perspective on what it takes to get to 1000. Granted, he LAUGHS at 1000, but he still knows what it takes. So he talks about all the great times he's had with WWE stars (on his show, and also, when he was part of WrestleMania 7), in a pre-taped video package. On a personal note: I hope Regis is well. He kinda sounded like shit.

You Don't Mess with Family. Triple H hits the ring, still in DX gear, even though the first words out of his mouth are "I've had my fun, now it's time to get serious." Really? Even as you're sporting cartoons of yourself on your t-shirt and ridiculous cargo pants? Oh well, whatever... long story short, HHH knows Brock is in the building, so won't be please get out here and answer the challenge?
 
Instead, here comes Paul Heyman, who admits that yes, Brock is here tonight. But Brock only came to discuss things and empower Paul to give his answer for him. That answer is "no." HHH threatens to go backstage and beat a face-to-face answer out of Brock, but Paul says that'd just be another lawsuit on the pile, and is that really what "Mr. COO" wants?
 
Apparently not, as HHH changes tactics and starts wondering if Brock is chicken, or if he's a coward, at which point an incredulous Paul says "Name calling? NAME CALLING?!? What are you, 8 years old? Hell, even I teach my kids not to do that. And this is the example you're setting for yours?!?" At which point HHH slaps Heyman and yells "Do NOT speak about my kids. Ever." Heyman starts sputtering a faux apology, but when he gets to the part where he says he actually pities HHH's kids for having a crappy dad, we have another visitor.

It's Stephanie McMahon, and she and Paul go nose to nose and fall right back into their classic Seinfeld/Newman rapport. Stephanie is seething with disgust at the mere thought of Paul talking about her kids, or her husband, or her dad, when she just knows how lacking Paul himself must be as a husband and father. And hell, as a man. She calls him a parasite, and slaps him.

And somehow, this is enough to cause Paul to fly into a rage and accept HHH's challenge for a match at SummerSlam... hokay. Then, it gets a little more interesting, as Paul slyly changes mood, and is once again in control as he begins taunting Steph in a sarcastic tone, "Wow, you did it again. You totally tricked me. You got what you wanted." This, somehow, is even more annoying that Paul's usual, so Steph just tackles him and starts raining down blows.
 
Until Brock Lesnar runs out. Steph exits, and Brock thinks he'll give HHH a little preview of SummerSlam. But it doesn't work out that way. HHH gets the better of it, and Brock scurries away as fast as he ran in. The crowd boos his chickenshittery, as HHH stands tall in the middle of the ring.

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More Awful: touts. Hey, WWE, if none of us would ever, in a million  years, go and watch these assclowns on the internet, why are you broadcasting it into our homes?

Product Placement I Don't Like: so there's a new WWE videogame comeing out soon. And WWE asked fans what Dream Match they'd like to see. So let's use said videogame to render a Cena vs. Austin match! Whee?

Speaking of Austin: Stone Cold is apparently the only star from the RAW Era to miss tonight's anniversary, so they run a lengthy video package here, highlighting his career. Emphasis is on Austin/McMahon, which really turned the tide in the Monday Night Wars. Without it, RAW may not have gotten to 1000.
 
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Blink and You Miss It: US Champ Santino Marella shows up, passes out some free Wrestling Buddies to ringside fans, and then disappears.

Heath Slater vs. Inevitability. So here's Heath, sick and tired of being embarrassed by legends, and promising to change his luck tonight. So if there's a legend in the back who wants to come out and face him in a No DQ, No Countout Match, now's the time....

And here's Lita! Big cheers. And I gotta say: Lita just made it 3-for-3. All three Grand Old Ladies of the Attitude Era are looking hot as ever. Trish, Lita, and Steph: you may be pushing 40, but my wang is still plumpened. Kudos to you, and kudos again.

Anyway, Slater thinks this'll be easy pickin's and tells the ref to ring the bell. Except Lita's got a twist for him: she took out a bit of insurance before coming to the ring. It's Faarooq and Bradshaw, the APA. Slater changes his mind, and wants no more of this happy crappy. He bails out of the ring.

And is met by a full phalanx of legends. In fact, every single one of the guy's he's tussled with over the past 2 months is there, chasing him back to the ring. Back in the ring, Slater takes a Twist of Fate from Lita, a Clothesline From Hell by Bradshaw, and then a moonsault from Lita. One, two, and three.

Your Winner: Lita, via pinfall, in about 27 seconds. Afterwards, Lita celebrates with Piper and all the rest of the legends. And yes, there was a "DAMN!".

Backstage: It's original RAW interviewer Sean Mooney. Yes, Sean Mooney! And he's here to interview Daniel Bryan. Well, actually, he's here to stand around and hold the mic while Bryan rants. Because, you see, Daniel Bryan is massively indignant about being insulted by Charlie Sheen. Who does he think he is? If Charlie Sheen was standing where Mooney is, Bryan would slap the YES! Lock on him faster than you can say "#winning" and that'd be the end of that jackwad!

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Cheap Pops: a lengthy video package featuring all the myriad catchphrases used by superstars on RAW over the years. Once again, Kaientai makes the cut, but this time, I heartily approve of the decision. "Indeed."

Backstage: John Cena and Gene Okerlund are chatting when they are interrupted by Zack Ryder, who has a theory about GTV. Remember GTV? If not, don't worry. But regardless, Zack thinks Gene = G. Gene thinks this is preposterous, although OO thinks is MUCH less stupid an "out" than Hornswoggle as the Anonymous GM. The fun and games ends when The Rock pops into frame, and stares down Cena. Zack and Gene powder out, and the two big boys have an Exchange of Mutual Respect. Rock wishes Cena good luck tonight, and Cena says he's looking forward to facing Rock again at the Rumble.

[ads]

Don't Mess with Family, Part 2. Kane hits the ring, allegedly for a match, but what it is, we'll never know. Because Jinder Mahal leads a half dozen of WWE's C-listers (Hunico/Camacho, Reks/Hawkins, McIntyre) to the ring, saying they're sick and tired of being buried, so tonight they send a message to the WWE universe by beating up Kane, 6-on-1.

BONG! BONG! The Undertaker is here to make that 6-on-2.

Taker hits the ring, pulls back his hood (now, he's got a mohawk), and shares a meaningful bit of eye contact with Kane. They nod. And that's when the heels decide to attack in Dumb Ninja Fashion (one at a time). This allows Taker and Kane to fend them off. Hunico and Hawkins are the last duo, and get stereo chokeslams for their trouble. Then, as the crowd chants "This is awesome *clap* *clap* *clapclapclap*," two duo put a cherry on top: stereo Tombstones. Nice.

Completely disconnected from any current storylines, but who cares? Taker headlined the very first RAW, and it was only appropriate that he make some sort of appearance tonight. And there could be no more crowd-pleasing a way to do it than to have the Brothers of Destruction reunite for one last hurrah. I dug it.

[ads]

Twitter Speaks, WWE Listens?: So there was a poll asking fans which WWE Title Match they hope happens at the Royal Rumble PPV. Surprisingly, a majority voted for #rockpunk (almost 60%). In second was #rockcena (around 30%). And #rockshow brought up the rear. Huh.

Sheen v3.0: One last visit with Charlie, and he responds to Daniel Bryan's threat by saying he's not a hard man to find. All Bryan has to do is look him up next time he's in Los Angeles, and Charlie'd be GLAD to meet him. Uh oh. You know the next time Daniel Bryan's gonna be in LA? SummerSlam. Do we start fearing the obvious, or was this just an off the cuff comment?

CM Punk vs. John Cena vs.

[ads]

CM Punk vs. John Cena (WWE Title Match). Ring entrances happen before the break, then when we come back, it's already after 11pm, and we rejoin the action just as the ref rings the bell. So an epic PPV-caliber match this won't be. But that doesn't mean it can't still be good.

And in fact, with the audience still red hot (even after a long night of cool things happening), the atmosphere is just as intense as it was last summer when these two hooked up for a pair of big PPV matches.  Back and forth chain wrestling to start gives way to trading bigger blows after all of 2 or 3 minutes. Punk and Cena milk it so the crowd can play "YAY"/"BOO" (the more vocal fans "YAY'ing" Punk and "BOO'ing" Cena). Cena wins fisticuffsmanship, and goes on a rally, trying to end with the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk counters that with a simple boot to the head while Cena was preening.

And just like that, you've got both guys down, acting like they've just passed the 30 minute mark of an epic content. In reality, it's more like 6 minutes. Ahhhh, time compression, you are EVERYwhere tonight, now aren't you?

Both guys up, and we enter End Game. A bit of grappling and reversals, and Punk calls for the Go To Sleep... but Cena escapes, and in so doing, crushes the ref into the corner. The ref flops out of the ring, unconscious. Punk retries the GTS when Cena's distracted by the ref, but Cena counters and nails the F-U. Makes the cover. But no ref. So Cena goes out to check on the ref, and bring him around.

This is when Big Show hit the ring, and stood dead center, with his right hand cocked. Punk sort of crawled into a corner to just watch. Cena re-entered the ring, ready to confront Show. But Show just unloaded with the KO Punch. Cena is down. Show leaves the ring, gesturing (Broadly) that Punk can have at it, compliments of the WMD.

But Punk looks conflicted. He looks at Cena's carcass. He looks at Show. He glances in the direction of the ref. He looks back at Cena. He makes a decision. Punk goes out and helps the ref back into the ring. Then, with a none-too-happy look on his face, Punk covered Cena....

But Cena kicked out at 2 and 99/100ths. If Punk's gonna win this match, he'll have to do it himself, afterall. So he hoists Cena up in position for the GTS, but Cena reverses it into an SSTF. The hold is locked in, center of the ring. Punk may have to tap out....

But nope, here's Big Show to break up the hold and cause the DQ.

Your Winner: John Cena, via disqualification, in about 9-10 minutes. But CM Punk retains the WWE Title, and Cena becomes the first ever MitB winner to fail to cash in successfully. Probably not quite the quality match we'd been hoping for, but with so much other fun stuff crammed in, it's a fair trade-off. Especially since the right guy is still the champ. And especially since the show wasn't QUITE over, and there was one big swerve yet to come....

After the Match: Big Show continued beating up on Cena, and Punk didn't seem too concerned. In fact, he just sort of loitered long enough for the ref to give him his belt, and then he gave one last glance at the mugging in progress, and left. Grumblings and mild boos for that, but hey: Punk's not friends with Cena, so honestly, is this THAT surprising a move? Nah.

You want surprising, though? Well, here's THE ROCK running out to make the save. He's not friends with Cena, either, but he's more willing to play the knight in shining armor, I guess. Rocky goes to town on Big Show, and finally lands the spinebuster. He sets up for the People's elbow...

And instead, he gets blasted with a clothesline out of nowhere from CM Punk. Forget grumbling. Those are now boos. Loud ones. Punk then hoists Rocky up, and nails him with the GTS for good measure. Then, Punk smirks as he surveys these mega-stars all scattered around the ring, while he stands tall with the WWE Title to end RAW's 1000th episode.

And so we fade to black for the 1000th time. And like all good episodes, it fades to black leaving us pretty excited for the next one. Not all RAW's managed to do that. But #1000 did.
 
Now, we look forward to 1001 with a freshly heel turned CM Punk, a crazy chick as the GM, a SummerSlam card that's shaping up to be pretty awesome, and already with lots of reason to be excited for the Royal Rumble in January. That's a nice piece of business.
 
And it doesn't even include the fun, one-off crowd pleasing stuff that was entirely self-contained within #1000, not to be reprised again any time soon. Even as some of WWE's biggest stories were advanced, it was the non-stop barrage of "easter eggs" and special moments that really held this show together and makes it an Instant Classic and Video Keeper.
 
So, yeah: too bad about the main event being all of 10 minutes, and all the wrestling coming up a bit short... I'm sure you can find other places where they'll be registering their Wanker Indignation. But here at OO, coming from a man who's sythesized 993 episodes of RAW, our stance is that this was one damn fine 3 hours of quality WWE TV.
 
More, please.

E-MAIL RICK
BROWSE THE PPV RECAP ARCHIVES


  
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
 
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: 18 Seconds? NO! NO! NO!
 
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
 
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
 
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
 
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
 
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Backfired!
 
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
 
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Destiny Do-Over
 
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
 
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
 
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: In-BRO-pendence Day
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
 
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: #striketwo
 
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
 
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
 
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: You're Welcome
 
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Needs More Kane?
 
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Lady Power
 
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
 
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
 
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
 
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
 
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
 
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: No! No! No!
 
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
 
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
 
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
 
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28

 

 

 


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