I’ve really become a fan of UFC, thanks in part to my IGN contact (who patiently answered my newbie questions last year), and in part to watching some awesome fights. I became an instant fan when I caught UFC 97 and saw the Lyoto Machida vs. Rashad Evans fight. I’m now a total fan of Machida (even though I, like every other right-thinking person, knows he lost the first fight against Shogun Rua despite the judges’ ill-advised opinions), and after the last UFC event, I’m a huge fan of Mirko Cro Cop too. 
  

Why do I bring up UFC? Because Jim Cornette recently did an interview in which he implies that UFC President Dana White is a better pro wrestling promoter than Vince McMahon. Frankly, if we define “promoter” strictly as “putting together fights that are actually somewhat interesting to watch” and drop the reference to wrestling, I would tend to agree with Cornette.

Where I take issue with Cornette’s opinion is the fact that UFC and WWE are two different beasts. There’s no question both companies appear similar in execution and share some degree of its audience, but they are definitely two different industries with two different focuses. Granted both companies want money, but where UFC actually wants credibility in its performers and its action, WWE focuses strictly on entertaining the fans. Or, put another way, UFC’s definition of entertainment is real action and real rivalries that result from it; whereas WWE’s definition of entertainment is storylines, over the top characters, and extended (relatively speaking) action scenes. There’s nothing wrong with either one, per se, but they ARE different, and I don’t think comparisons between the top dogs of the companies are entirely fair or even possible. Apples and oranges, you know?

What do you guys think? Are UFC and WWE close enough in content to be comparable? Does comparing business models or buy rates or management techniques actually make for a good discussion, or does it just muddy the issue and distract from what the companies actually do right and wrong? Hit me up with some emails, I’m interested in your opinions on the matter… If I’ve got enough feedback, I’ll throw together something for the next precap.
 
[Ed. Note: I'll start the feedback by saying the two are not and should never be considered similar genres, even if, at some level, they share some percentage of fans. I think Cornette even knows it, but his single-minded need to belittle Vince at every turn is a billion times worse than my similar Randy Orton Fetish, so he's not thinking straight here. One is real fights (which are, sadly, almost always pretty boring) and one is fake fighting (which uses fakery to make things more exciting, but can also suffer the fate of just coming off as so fake it's gay). Each needs to play to its strengths, not try to emulate the strengths of the other. WWE learned this when they -- because of Vince's sense that UFC was out-promoting him -- went to UFC style promotion, with one top match and then a bunch of other stuff that they might not even announce till the night of the show. PPV buyrates went in the shitter, and Vince bailed after 6 months. End of discussion about MMA = WWE. Let MMA have the real fights that are kinda boring, but which make you care because they REALLY PROVE WHO IS BETTER, which is an interesting enough endeavor (and makes them at least better than soccer, where ties are a valid ending); and let WWE have fake fights where you care because it's entertaining to watch guys use OTHER skills to TRICK YOU into thinking one is better/more compelling than the other. Now, you take your turn and hit Pyro up with more thoughts...]

In the meantime… RAW! As always, I write the recap assuming you know what happened on yesterday’s pay-per-partial-view, or have at least read Rick’s recap about it. Let’s roll…

Segment 1: Vinny Mac himself is out to start tonight’s show, mostly to cheers, especially after he welcomes everyone to the show. He recaps what went down at the RAW main event last night (and remember that I don’t recap recaps), and then goes on to blame Bret Hart of all people for the NXT invasion. Clearly, it’s the Hit Man’s fault for the NXT attack since he fired them all. I’m rather surprised that Vince didn’t bust out “Bret screwed Bret” at this point. [Ed. Note: there's no real bad blood between Vince and Bret at this point. They'd BOTH like for Bret to still be around, but the latest twist is that Lloyd's Of London -- who pay Bret a large monthly sum since he insured his body back in the day when Lloyd's was still dumb enough to sell those policies -- came sniffing around and Bret and WWE need to take some time off while this gets sorted out.]

Vince goes on that Bret didn’t even show up at the PPV, and didn’t hire extra security, and didn’t tell other wrestlers about NXT, so therefore it’s all his fault the NXT attack happened. So, Vince fires Bret. Yeah, that solves the problem. Vince quotes Bret and says that he now has closure in doing so. Jerk.

So Vince goes on that with Bret gone, we’ve got a new GM… but right now, the new GM is anonymous. The GM will, in fact, e-mail his instructions to Michael Cole’s laptop; for all we know, this means that the new GM exists only in cyberspace, and may as well be HAL, WOPR, of even Microsoft Vista bent on revenge.

And wouldn’t you know it, GM Vista e-mails Cole now, who immediately reports that all seven remaining NXT members are immediately hired permanently, and will all address the fans tonight.

Vince says thanks and goodbye, but before he’s able to leave the ring, Sheamus’s music fires up. Irish Casper hits the ring with Vince still in it, then goes on that he didn’t want to win the belt the way he did. He wanted to prove that he could beat three top WWE wrestlers on his own, and laments that it didn’t happen… and says that refuses to accept the title. Cheers, and a rather surprising statement, really. Sheamus looks longingly at the belt, sighs a couple times, then offers it to Vince.

Vince looks around, starts to accept it… and then Sheamus pulls the belt back, and says he’ll accept it anyway with a laugh. Asshole. I should have known that a heel character who actually shows some degree of honor and character depth wouldn’t actually exist in this era’s WWE. Anyway, he goes on to thank the NXT guys, but also goes on to say that he didn’t need them, that he so totally had the match in the bag anyway.

And here comes John Cena to respond. Cena blathers quite a bit, finally getting to the point where he wants to invoke his rematch clause tonight. Cole has mail: the GM agrees with Cena, and tonight’s main event will be Cena vs. Sheamus for the title. Further, the special guest referee for it will be Vince McMahon. Hm… Think Vista’s true identity is Stephanie or something?

Oh well, fuck it. It’s not interesting enough for me to care who the GM’s true identity is. It just irritates me that it gives Cole more reason to speak. Screw him and his annoying voice.

Pre-Segment 2: Evan Bourne and Chris Jericho hit the ring for a rematch of last night, but CJ enters ringside with a mic. He tells us that if he loses this match, he’s leaving WWE forever.

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Chris Jericho defeats Evan Bourne by pin. Damn fine match, and if this was even half the effort of their match last night, I’m going to have to look it up. This was fast-paced from start to finish, which to me just brings further to light Orton’s sad lack of pacing in every single situation.

A couple awesome spots here, including some amazing triple reversey stuff, including a slick little roll and small package from Evan while he was in the Walls of Jericho. One that was absolutely gravity defying saw CJ standing on the middle rope (and sitting on the top rope) preparing something. Evan ran over, jumped from the canvas all the way up to CJ’s fucking neck, and did a picture-perfect huracanrana. It was amazing.

The match ended when Evan tried the World’s Most Beautiful Shooting Star Press, but Jericho got his knees up. As Jericho popped up and Evan staggered, CJ hit a Codebreaker and made a successful pin.

After the match, CJ helped Evan to his feet… only to shove him in the face back down to the canvas. Jerk. Such an awesome, awesome jerk.

Segment 3: Vince is in the back, TALKING~! on his cell phone to Vista, and informs him not to surprise him again. Aw, poor Vince.

Segment 4: Virgil is in the locker room, and Ted DiBiase appears. He apologizes to Virgil for embarrassing him in the ring last week… but then fires him as his assistant. It seems Ted found a different assistant: My Little French Fry, Maryse! Virgil: “But, what about me? What are you going to do for protection?” Ted: “Go to the drug store. *nod to Maryse*” Heh.

In case Virgil didn’t get it, Ted explicitly says “You’re fired.” Virgil gets in his face for a moment, but leaves peacefully.

Segment 5: Josh Mathews interviews the Hart Dynasty, who are collectively angry at Bret being let go, and further angry that the NXT assholes get contracts. Natalya is having her debut match tonight, dedicates it to Bret, and assures everyone that the Hart name will live on loud and proud. “These Harts won’t stop beating.” Nice line, if a bit cheesy.

Cut Scene: A limo pulls up. Why are we seeing this, exactly?

Segment 6 [Singles Match]: Natalya (w/ Hart Dynasty) and Tamika (w/ Uso Twins) wrestle to a no contest. Match was bland, but it wasn’t about that…

As we entered the end game, the NXT rookies hit ringside. Wade Barrett grabbed a mic, and started to issue an apology to the Harts for their attack against Bret last week. Tyson Kidd responded by doing a suicide springboard sitting splash from the ring to the floor, taking out Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel. That was nice and all, but then the rookies beat the hell out of him and DH Smith, because no one manages to survive 7-on-2 odds. The Uso twins did the right thing and bailed… LIKE FRANCE!!! Oh, burn on the shittiest country in the world three recaps in a row!!!

Anyway, after the Hart Dynasty gets beaten down, the NXT rookies get in the ring. We fade to commercial, but ten bucks says once we’re out of that, they’ll address us.

Segment 7: You owe me ten bucks. David Otunga, sporting shoe polish on his head, speaks for the group. He apologizes for their actions from the start of this, and says that the only reason they did this all was to get contracts, because they love WWE so much. Now that they’ve got them, things can resume normally… right?

He hands the mic to Slater, who goes on that they have no problem with anyone in WWE or the fans. They assure us that the attacks were not personal at all, and will now personally apologize to individuals.

Gabriel gets the mic, and opens by apologizing to Bret. He says that it’s Bret’s fault for “painting them into a corner” by not signing them and further firing Wade, but now they hope he’s doing okay. Second, he apologizes to Tyson Kidd and DH Smith but only beat the shit out of them for self-defense.

Darren Young gets the mic and apologizes to Cena, then says he idolizes him: “I remember in NXT, they called me the ‘Black John Cena’!” First of fucking all, who called him the “Black John Cena”? [Ed. Note: Everybody did. Put the two next to each other on a split screen. It's uncanny.] Second, does Young even realize the irony of what he just said? Doesn’t he realize that he essentially just said that people called him the black version of the white version of a black guy? Young goes on that they just needed to attack the top dog, who was Cena last night, and he assures the Wigger that he’ll get his title back some day.

Young hands off the mic to Skip Sheffield, who says that they apologize to the fans now for disrupting our “entertainment” the last few weeks. Especially because we all supported Skip with his catchphrase, which he tries to get us to sing along to, but only results in him getting booed. He hopes we all can forgive and forget what they did.

Michael Tarver gets it next, and he apologizes to his children. He says he raised them better than what he did, but says that their actions show what it takes to follow and capture your dream. He says he knows the fans would have done the same thing, given the same position.

Wade Barrett gets the mic finally. He explains that the reason he helped the attacks despite having the contract because of loyalty to the other NXT guys. Apparently they had agreed amongst themselves to stick together and all get contracts at the end of Season 1, and take the decision out of the hands of WWE Management… which they get with a “You suck! You suck!” chant. Wade goes on that the seven of them are so totally bonded, and the bond won’t ever break (unless someone chokes someone with his own tie).

Wade switches subjects to Sheamus. Wade directly addresses that the reason Sheamus is champ is due to them. Further, they did it by making a target out of John Cena... and they can make a target out of him too. Wade reports he still gets his title shot at some PPV of his choosing, and he promises he will beat the champ, win the belt, and then make no apologies for that.

Pre-Segment 8: John Morrison is out here for a match. Ted DiBiase, his opponent, shows up with a mic. With My Little French Fry on his arm, he tells us that he has better things to, uh, “do” tonight. So G-rated, those implications. Anyway, he found us a replacement…

Zack Ryder. Oh god.

Segment 8 [Singles Match]: John Morrison (w/ Eli Cottonwood) defeats Zack Ryder (w/ Titus O’Neil) by pin. Match was all right but nothing special. The guys at ringside with the wrestlers were their NXT rookies, in case you’re not following NXT.

One early spot saw JM trying a rebound elbow, but just as he planted his feet on the middle rope, Zack shoved his feet off, sending JM falling backwards and bouncing his head off the canvas. It’s one of those moves that don’t look vicious, per se, but pretty fucking mean all the same.

Nothing noteworthy other than that, though the match went on another five minutes or so. The match ended with the Starship Pain.

Segment 9: Josh Mathews catches up with Cena in the back, who calls bullshit on the NXT rookies’ ideas of loyalty. He also calls bullshit that they attacking him “wasn’t personal,” saying that by making him specifically a target that it was personal. He says two can play that game, and will make them a collective target, especially once he gets his title back. So, apology not accepted.

That makes Vince materialize, who assures Cena that neither him nor Sheamus will have any excuses in their match tonight. It will be his job to make sure the best man wins. Vince wishes Cena luck; Cena gives Vince a hard stare, but then leaves without incident.

Segment 10 [Mixed Tag Match]: Khali & Eve Torres defeat Primo & Alicia Fox by pin. Not a bad match, considering who were involved, but not exactly greatly entertaining. Eve was pretty fun to watch (and I actually mean that literally, instead of the way I would normally mean it), even busting out a hell of a moonsault from the top rope.

After said moonsault, Alicia left the whole damn match, and Primo came in, grabbing Eve’s wrist. This didn’t draw the DQ since he wasn’t really hurting her, but she slapped him anyway and tagged in Khali. Some shitty offense later, Khali made the pin, and it was over.

Segment 11: Randy Orton is out here to talk, so you know this is going to be a crapshoot adventure. Orton says that now that NXT rookies are signed, he’s going to beat the shit out of all of them. However, unlike Cena, he does accept the apology. In fact, he hopes Wade Barrett… does win… the WWE Championship… because…

And as Orton searches his pea brain for the correct line the writers told him to say 15 seconds ago, some chick in the crowd screams out “I LOVE YOU RANDY!!! WOOOOOO!!!” So unclassy… I’d never be that obsessive about a diva. Orton finally gets the cue card and assures Wade that he’ll take the title away from him. Awesome.

And here comes Miz from the back. Miz just tells Orton that he’s sick of all of Orton’s shtick, and what Orton has never done is hold the US Title and the WWE Championship Title simultaneously. Uh… neither have you, Miz. But I guess that’s Miz’s point: that Miz will be the first, damnit.

How will this happen? Miz says it’s a secret, but will tell us anyway… the secret to that success is because “I’m the Miz… And I’m…” …and he kicks Orton in the stomach. After a bit more fighting, Orton gets the advantage, humps the ring… but Miz bails before an RKO can be delivered.

Then Orton turns around and eats a Spear from Edge. Where the hell did Edge come from? I have no idea. Edge grabs the mic, says “the real fun begins now,” and leaves.

Well, that was… odd. If this means a Miz push, I won’t complain, although I’m sure he can find a better playing partner than frickin’ Orton.

Segment 12 [Singles Match, Vince McMahon is the special enforcer]: John Cena and Sheamus wrestle to a no contest. Match was a standard Cena match, and wasn’t really about the match itself, so… meh.

Nothing to really speak of here. They did a spot at the end where Sheamus had separated the ring steps, so he set up the larger piece of the steps vertically near the ramp. Then, Sheamus chucked Cena “head-” (really shoulder-) first into the steps. Kinda neat. From there, Sheamus tossed Cena back in, then hit him with the Blarney Boot.

At that point, the NXT rookies came down. Sheamus bailed completely through the crowd, but the rookies didn’t really care. The commentators bailed also, and Darren Young tossed Cena over the table (though clearly Cena vaulted it). Skip Sheffield then overturned the table onto Cena, and the seven rookies yelled at him through the wood. For Vince’s part, he just stood there like a dumbstruck moron, not bothering to actually say or do anything.

Post-Segment 12: After a minute, Vince grabbed a mic and got in the ring. He quietly said “Now now, let’s stop this. Let him go, he’s had enough.” Vince then invites the rookies into the ring, who are all smiles as Vince even asks everyone to congratulate him for being smart enough to Not Do Anything and let Cena gets his ass beat.

Then Vince starts to announce something about next week, but the rookies lose their smiles. They get them back, Vince relaxes, and then the smiles disappear again. All seven surround Vince… a pregnant pause as he tries to calm them down… and then Slater throws the first punch. To cheers.

All seven beat the holy hell out of Vince, then assault him the same way they did Cena two weeks ago, including doing two-man Irish Whips, including a stiff-as-fuck one from Skip Sheffield. Wade does the exclamation mark of his finisher… and then Gabriel adds a second by doing his 450 Splash.

The rookies leave, again with no fanfare, but this time manage to draw a chant of “NXT! NXT!” with similar (but ultimately much less) furor than a classic “E-C-Dub! E-C-Dub!” chant. And we fade out as Random Stagehand calls for the EMTs to help Vince’s corpse.

Final Thoughts: Although the NXT attack bore a little too striking of a resemblance to their attack two weeks ago, I’m still entertained by the whole storyline. Clearly, they have no allegiance to anyone but themselves, which will make the inevitable breakup (hopefully quite a bit in the future) that much more interesting. Provided WWE doesn’t completely fuck it up, that is.

I mean, I’m already disappointed that there was no follow up to Cole bailing two weeks ago, unless he simply did run like hell and not want to be beaten the fuck up, similar to Sheamus’s reaction tonight. I guess I’m more of a mark for this whole thing than the average fan: while I do find it odd that even upper-tier stars are bailing from the attacks, I do believe it lends some credibility to the group that they run. See, if Sheamus (for example) was running away from a single rookie, even Wade Barrett, I’d think they were overpushing things. However, they’re running from the group, and even as ridiculous as wrestling is, no one is going to sell managing to beat the shit out of seven people at once.

Okay, other than the NXT thing… Clearly, there is a fire lit under the ass of Jericho’s character. Add that to the fact that Evan Bourne is the perfect playing partner for him, and that’s one hell of a rivalry that I hope continues for a while. At this point it doesn’t even have to be about a title or anything else that’s tangible, just pride. We still need a rubber match, and I have a feeling even after it, Jericho won’t be happy until he basically breaks Evan in half. Fun times!

Miz getting a push excites me, but I wish it was against someone other than Orton. Still, it’s better than nothing, and a hell of a lot better than Miz spinning his wheels against midcarders. The rest of the card and matches and feuds were all right, I guess: nothing to complain about, but nothing to excited about. Ultimately not a bad show, just not a particularly strong one, other than the NXT stuff.

No guest host was there tonight, in case you didn’t notice. There was no announcement about next week’s guest host either, though Rick revealed on the OO Forums that it’s Rob Zombie. Yay? [Ed. Note: Yep, it's Rob Zombie. Unless they're just quietly cancellnig the whole Guest Host Thing, anyway (which there IS some talk of, but that was when WWE thought Bret would be full-time GM, so who knows?). But it was Rob Zombie as of last time I checked. Also, it's in Philly. So expect Wanker Nation to be in full force with "Dan. Yill. Bri. Yan. *clap* *clap* *clapclapclap*" chants~!]

Nothing more from me, guys. See you later this week for SmackDown!

Rating (out of 5): 2.25