Segment 1: We open with the crowd screaming “We want Bret! We want Bret!” And we’re wasting no time, ladies and gentlemen… The Hit Man comes out right the fuck out immediately. Chills… fucking chills, brother.

“Well, I guess Hell froze over.” Amen, Bret.

Bret opens immediately by saying that… that Vince has denied him the ability to come back for twelve years. Uh… really? I thought it was the other way around. Huh.

Anyway, he thanks us for never forgetting him, and for keeping his legacy alive for all these years too… then segues to calling out Shawn Michaels. Un-fucking-believable… more chills. I can’t believe this is all happen less than 20 miles away from me as I write this, and I was too cheap to buy tickets and had no interest until I knew that Bret was coming. Shit…

HBK and Bret look at each other from a couple feet apart. Bret talks first: “I’m going to take this opportunity to bury the hatchet and call for a truce.” Shawn responds after a pregnant pause: “Before you get your closure… I’ve been waiting twelve years to say something to you. The fact is… You deserved what happened to you in Montreal.” And HBK instantly pulls down all the boos in the building as well as “You screwed Bret! You screwed Bret!”

Shawn goes on that there’s a part of him that doesn’t regret it… but there’s another part of him that knows how much has changed in the last twelve years, personally and professionally. The crowd goes 99% quiet as Shawn adds that he always respected Bret, but didn’t think it was the other way around, and for that it made him sick. Still, Shawn doesn’t attribute Bret to the Screwjob first; but rather, the epic Iron Man Match in Anaheim.

Shawn points out that Bret isn’t the only one with the Screwjob in his history, and isn’t the only one who wants to bury the hatchet. Shawn asks: “Are you sure? And are you ready?”

Bret answers pragmatically that their careers shouldn’t be defined by Montreal, and Bret extends his hand in friendship… Shawn looks at him… his hand… him… holds the look… And takes his hand with a firm handshake. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Crowd goes absolutely ballistic. Shawn starts to leave… then quickly turns around and gives Bret a hug. The crowd pretty much tears the roof off the Nutter Center.

Jesus. Shawn leaves to his music peacefully and without another word.

Wait, we’re not going to commercial yet. Bret now calls out Vince McMahon!

…But Vince doesn’t show. Bret just smirks, and we go to commercial. I shouldn’t be surprised.

Amazing. I should be there. I can’t believe I didn’t get tickets… That first segment is already absolutely unreal.

Segment 2: Josh Mathews is in front of Vince’s office door, and Vince appears from off-camera. He wants to know what the hell Josh is doing there; Josh just wants his comments. Vince insists he was in a meeting and had no idea what was going on, but that nobody calls him out anyway. If Bret wants to talk to him publicly, Vince will call him out later. I can’t wait.

Pre-Segment 3: It’s announced that My Melina suffered a serious injury, as reported by Rick, and will be out many many months. This is almost making me cry as much as the whole Historic Moment from ten seconds ago. My Melina has vacated the Divas Title, so we’re going to have an eight-diva tournament to determine the new champ.

Don’t worry, Melina, I’ll keep you in my heart. I know the rehab may be difficult and painful, so I’ll tell you what (since I know everyone reads Online Onslaught): just e-mail me (at <a href="mailto:pyrofalkon@hotmail.com">pyrofalkon@hotmail.com</a>) with your home address and phone number, and I promise to rush right over and take care of you with some TLC. And unlike WWE, I don’t mean “tables, ladders, and chairs.” You won’t have to worry about thing, except the way I’ll more than likely say your name.

Get well soon, MELLLIIINNNAAA!!! I’ll miss you!

Segment 3 [Singles Match, Round 1 of the Divas Title Tournament]: Maryse defeats Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella) by pin. Not a bad match, but Brie doesn’t have quite the in-ring skill of Maryse. Brie tried to switch places with Nikki, but Maryse saw the switch, so she immediately booted her in the stomach and planted the French Kiss to make the pin.

Post-Segment 3: Miz pops out (to new music!) and declares that if she wins the tournament, and he may think about taking her back. Oh, and by the way, even though you said this would be the Year of Maryse, it’s really going to be the Year of Miz... because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome!!!

And, he’s out on commentary for the next match.

Segment 4 [Fatal Four-Way, winner is #1 Contender for the United States Title]: MVP defeats Jack Swagger by pin, and outlasts Mark Henry and Carlito. Match was pretty fucking boring… Mark Henry got the most of the face time, which he spent it by doing the Bear Hug of Doom and Torture Rack. So, yeah… lame.

Miz had a great line: “Mark Henry should be on ‘The Biggest Loser.’ Why? Because he’s fat, and he’s a loser.” Bwa ha ha ha!

Segment 5: JeriShow is talking in the back, both a little concerned for Jericho’s career. Jericho tells Show not to worry, because he’s going to go to Bret right now and make him an offer he can’t refuse. Oh, that Jericho: such an evil genius! What, is he going to convince Bret to be the guest ref so he’ll screw Shawn? But then Bret won’t play along and everyone will be happy? You never know.

Segment 6: Some Guy is talking to Bret, and CJ comes in. CJ pimps their history and training together… and CJ says that Bret must still totally despise Shawn deep inside. So, CJ suggests that Bret should be the… guest… referee. And says that Bret should just “let instinct take over” and immediately call for the bell as soon as CJ puts either guy in the Walls. Sometimes I hate being right, but sometimes (like now) I don’t.

Bret says that thing is, “everything he said out there was real” (more chills), and he doesn’t want more problems. “I don’t want to be a hypocrite like you”—which makes CJ squint out of anger—and if you want to win the match, you’ll have to do it on your own. Oh, by the way, if I remember right, you screamed like a girl in the dungeon. Bwa ha ha ha ha! CJ leaves in disgust.

Segment 7: Triple H and Hornswoggle are pimping some merchandise, and Shawn comes in all testily since Trips is treating Horny like a kid. Further, Shawn wants to know what the merch has to do with their tag match. Trips then brings in Santino, dressed as CJ… Trips says “Attack him,” and Horny goes after him like a rabid dog.

Trips says the thing is, as great as The Moment was, tonight, it’s all about defending those titles. He calls off Horny, gives him a cookie, and everyone leaves. Trips never did answer Shawn’s concern, but I guess we’re just not caring?

Segment 8 [Tag Match for the Unified Tag Team Titles]: D-Generation X (w/ Hornswoggle) defeats JeriShow by pin, and retains. Amazing match, unbelievable! For 99% of the match, it was pure formula but fantastic at that. Trips was Face In Peril, got the hot tag to Shawn…

And awesomeness ensued. It was a streak of chain-wrestling false finishes, with finishers everywhere. Show hitting Shawn with the Chokeslam led to him being the second FIP, until he got the hot tag to Trips. The finish saw CJ put the Walls on Trips, but Shawn gave him Sweet Chin Music as he did so behind the ref’s back. Trips was able to make the pin and end it.

Guys: check this match out for sure. YouTube, DVR, whatever: it’ll be tough to beat for Match of the Month.

Segment 9: Vince pops out of his office to a knock… it’s not Bret, but rather Randy Orton. Orton says he doesn’t know or really care about Vince’s plans with Bret, but has something else to say. Vince says that while Bret spit in his face and stormed out of the WWF, it was nothing compared to what Orton did to his family.

Orton says that that’s the point: he wants to make it right by giving Bret the Punt Kick of Doom. Orton is sure that Bret doesn’t want to talk to Vince, but wants to fight; Orton will have Vince’s back, at the cost of being placed in the Royal Rumble as Entrant #30. How’s that?

Vince says he’s got his own security staff, thank you very much; don’t ever confront me again. And Vince goes back in his office and slams the door in his face.

Orton punches the wall, then starts to leave and bumps into Legacy. They thank him—sarcastically—for sitting at ringside for their matches last week. Also, they’re making him the same deal: if he loses to Kofi Kingston tonight, they’ll kick him out of Generation Douche. Orton doesn’t even have time to formulate a reply in time before they just turn and leave. Heh.

Pre-Segment 10: Sheamus is out here to talk. He reminds us that he retained against Cena last week. His next match will be at Royal Rumble, but it won’t be against Cena: he wants a new challenge. Sheamus agrees that Bret may have been “best that ever was,” but that he is the best there is and the best there ever will be. So, let’s see someone try me…

Evan Bourne? Really? Evan runs into the ring, snatches the mic, then bails to talk from outside the ring. He knows that Sheamus has the title just because he “got an opportunity.” Evan insists that, if given a similar opportunity, he can beat Sheamus. And he’ll prove it right now.

Sheamus agrees, and a ref magically appears. He makes the deal that if Bourne wins now, he’ll face him for the title at the Rumble… but he’s not worried.

Segment 10 [Singles Match]: Sheamus defeats Evan Bourne by pin. Evan went on a tear early, went kick-happy, and even hit the World’s Most Beautiful Shooting Star Press. However, Sheamus kicked out of it, then basically squashed Evan. Oh well, it was worth a shot, right Evan?

Segment 11 [Singles Match]: Randy Orton defeats Kofi Kingston by pin. Match was decent, though it didn’t have the spark that lived up to the heat of their feud. Whenever Kofi was on the offense, the match was exciting; whenever Orton was on the offense, it was slow and boring. So, meh, whatever.

Segment 12: Main event “angle,” ladies and gentlemen, but this one is worth it: Vince McMahon is coming out to confront Bret.

Vince wishes us a happy new year, then says that he doesn’t need to call out Bret. See, Bret and Shawn buried things earlier, and they said it all then, so that’s it and we’re done. Thanks for showing up, Bret, and next week we’re going to have Mike Tyson as the guest host. Vince continues to put Tyson over…

And Bret comes out from the back without music. He gets to the ring presently, tosses his jacket to the side… and stares down Vince. Vince says that he knows what Bret is thinking, and of course we all want to see Bret lock in the Sharpshooter to him. Vince says that Bret should be the better man though, and not it let get violent. He does want to hear what he has to say… but not to be one to provoke, he needs to say a few things first.

Vince looks Bret straight in his eyes and says that he screwed himself. He’ll never forget being spit on, nor the sucker punch after the match back in the locker room. Vince also won’t forget about being disrespected all the way through his Hall of Fame induction. Vince reiterates that he doesn’t want to provoke Bret, just that he wants to hear the honesty, and hopefully that honesty starts with the phrase “I’m sorry.”

Bret gets a mic and says that the two words he is thinking of are certainly not “I’m sorry.” He continues that he is halfway to finding the closure. Bret just wants a truce, he knows Vince wants the closure as badly as he does too.

Vince responds that, honestly, he wanted to kick Bret in the guts as soon as he walked out. But also, honestly, he wants this behind them. He reminisces that Bret’s first WrestleMania was WrestleMania 2, that he knew that Bret was the future despite Andre the Giant stole the show. Vince gives a quick rundown of his resume, that Bret was given opportunities and that’s all, and that he made the most of them.

Vince continues that the reason Montreal was so personal was because Bret saw Vince as sort of a father figure. And speaking of fathers, because of what Bret’s father did for WWE; he officially nominates Stu Hart to the WWE Hall of Fame. Bret thanks him for that, but Vince turns it around by saying that he thanks him for being himself, for being the Excellence of Execution. He thanks him for being the best there is, was, or ever will be. Vince shakes his hand, and Bret’s music plays them off.

Vince discards both mics and holds Bret’s hand up as they face each side of the ring. As they finish their appeal to the crowd, Vince kicks him in the balls.

Vince leaves to boos as Bret rolls in temporary agony. As Vince gets halfway up the ramp, Bret does get up, and faces Vince, all pain erased. Bret has an expression of “Well, I should have seen that coming”; Vince has an expression of contempt and anger.

Final Thoughts: Considering the history of Montreal, it’s hard for me to initially guess what’s real and what’s storyline. I’m convinced that the opening segment was pure shoot, and the main event angle half-and-half… but who knows. It was entertaining, more so than WWE normally is; that much is certain.

Wrestling-wise, the night was pretty good for WWE. I add that qualification because I admit I hopped back and forth to TNA, and I forgot just how far WWE has fallen in terms of pure in-ring action. DX/JeriShow easily took match of the night, and like I said will probably wind up with Match of the Month. The Divas title shake up might be interesting depending on who they put the title on, but if Gail isn’t involved with at least the finals, I’ll call for a riot. Kofi/Orton was mediocre at best. Sheamus did his job without doing anything stupid or flashy, so that’s a win. The Fatal Four-Way wasn’t anything special, though I always valued MVP more than most fans, so it’s not that big of a deal to me. Plus, Miz has won me over, and there are worse feuds than those two.

I can’t really give a purely objective rating to this one. If we ignore Bret, the show was slightly above average. If we take Bret, we still have the problem of how big of a fan you are and how much you cared about Montreal. For fans who remember, for fans like me who were heavily into wrestling in 1997, the beginning segment especially is just… indescribable. You have to realize that Bret Hart was the reason I became a wrestling fan. His personality and the Hit Man character got me into it, he was the first wrestler I was a fan of, and he was the guy I always cheered for even when he turned heel just because I respected his in-ring ability that much. I didn’t watch a single full episode of WCW until he jumped ship—though I concede he wasn’t enough to make me stick with WCW for more than a month. His was the first wrestling action figure I ever owned, and his was the only wrestling merchandise I ever bought (excluding DVDs).

I say all this at the risk of being mocked or insulted; I hardly have an obsession and it’s not like I am fully on Bret’s side when it comes to Montreal. I don’t regard Bret as some sort of true pureblood savior of the wrestling industry, and I am not a whore for everything connected to the man. However, I do realize that I am greatly biased in his favor when it comes to wrestling in general and WWE in particular. This night has been something I’ve been wanting for a long time, and there is no denying that Bret’s mere presence has had a very real effect on how I perceive this episode. I do know that if this whole thing at the end is the start of a storyline rather than the end of a 12-year pile of drama, then my future scores will more than likely be similarly affected. Just keep that in mind if you pay much attention to my ratings.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, guys. Regardless of whether you’re a fan of Bret, if you even know about Montreal, you owe it to yourself to check out at least the first segment of this episode. If this one doesn’t break a 3.7 in the ratings, I’ll eat one of Rick’s trusty bugs.

See you on Friday for SmackDown, everyone!

Rating (out of 5): 4.2