Then, the first Hunger Games comes and goes, and it seemed like it was tolerable, mostly because of her, despite the fact that (just like Harry Potter), the first movie in the series was objectively inane in order to appeal to tweens, before it got any better.
 
And nowadays, she's hating Republicans, writing intelligently on the issue of equal pay, and generally being awesomely fun on all late night shows, including when she was just on Conan. I don't think I've felt this way since way back when I discovered that Kristen Bell was A Thing.
 
It's nice to know that -- in a world where "being a Kardashian" is a valid paying job and mind-bendingly ignorant people are in the running for president -- that a handful of actual high-quality people are still periodically the beneficiaries of massive success and recipients of great wealth.
 
Sadly, I am not one of those fortunate quality people, which is why I am still here, coming up on the 14th anniversary of this podunk website, to tell you how the Undertaker celebrated his 25th anniversary in WWE. Here's what happened at the just-completed Survivor Series 2015 pay-per-view:

• On the Preshow. The perpetually delightful Renee Young puts us through the usual paces of zero-value-added hype... but only for about 20 minutes, and then, all of a sudden, it's time for a Bonus Kick-Off Match!
  
  It's a 5-on-5 elimination match, where we won't know the participants until they are introduced. It turns out to be Miz, Stardust, the Ascension, and Bo Dallas versus The Dudleys, the Prime Time Players, and the returning Goldust. Nice to see Goldie back, hopefully in line for that one big-time feud with Stardust that we all know they have in them. [But sad to see that Goldust was probably brought in as a last second replacement for Cesaro, who is dealing with an arm injury that may require surgery.]
  
  They wind up doing a full 20+ minute match where the babyfaces just dominated. Cody got a fluke elimination on Darren Young, by attacking from behind after Young had eliminated one of the Ascension... but all four other guys on the babyface team survived. The last sequence was Goldust as a face in peril against Stardust (final member of his team), hot tag to Devon (who was extra over, since he's not really from "Dudleyville," he's from Athens, GA), and shortly thereafter, the Duds hit the 3-D to end it. First pre-show match in a while to really get any time to shine and come off like it meant something. I approve.
  
  Then we ramp back down for mindless hype and video packages before the PPV, Proper, begins...
  
  
• Hey ISIS, Go Screw Yourselves... and we're live in Atlanta, GA, which was reportedly among terror targets ISIS was interested in for a potential global coordinated attack. WWE and local authorities worked together to figure out the best way to handle things, and it sounds like full-body airport scanners were in effect, and there were limitations on what you could bring into the arena. But other than that, it was mostly business as usuall, and thankfully, it doesn't seem like there was any serious threat... but just in case it was in the backs of people's minds, WWE kicks off the show with Lilian Garcia singing the National Anthem. We don't sweat you, you terrorist pricks. USA USA USA! [To this day, I'm a little bit in love with Lilian, all because of her National Anthem on the first live SmackDown after 9/11; sadly, this one tonight was not that, solely because of a god awful karaoke backing track that makes it impossible to summon any national pride.]
  
  
• Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc. We get a quick welcome from Cole & The PPV Gang (JBL and Lawler), who have the vacant WWE Title sitting on a pedastel next to their announce desk. Although the opening hype was very Undertaker-centric, crowning a new WWE Champ is the major storyline to be tackled tonight. With that in mind, we waste no time, and shoot it to the ring for our first WWE Title Tournament Semifinal Match.
  
  
• Roman Reigns beats Alberto del Rio in a WWE Title Tourney Semifinal Match. Reigns makes his standard entrance through the crowd, while del Rio is accompanied by Zeb Colter (still riding his Rascal Scooter). In the absence of John Cena, the crowd decides to make Roman the target of their rejection/affection. "LETS GO ROH MAN"/"ROH MAN SUCKS" chants are mighty, and about 50/50, as the match starts.
  
  A back and forth feeling out breaks in favor of del Rio after del Rio manages to dodge a corner charge, clothesline Reigns' neck over the top rope, and take the match out to ringside for a brief excursion. A this point, del Rio seems to have a nominal focus on Reigns arm and shoulder (both to rob Reigns of the Superman Punch, but also to set up the cross armbreaker).
  
  ADR dodges a corner charge during one of Reigns' hope spots, and Reigns' shoulder hits the ring post, exacerbating his problems, and making it possible that the Spear is now also compromised.
  
  Reigns' upper body is in bad shape, so the next time the match spills outside, he uses his legs, kicking and stomping at ADR, and finally hitting the leaping apron dropkick thingie. It looks like this is Reigns' for-real comeback, as he takes it back in the ring, and rattles off another flurry of moves.
  
  After a Samoan Drop, Reigns steps back and calls for the Superman Punch, but ADR side steps, and hits a Backstabber for a near fall. Alberto starts lecturing the ref about slow counts, which strikes me as a poor use of time... Alberto steps back, and calls for his Concussor Kick (the crowd chants "SI!" as he sets it up). Reigns has had time to recover, and ducks it.
  
  Reigns sets ADR on the top rope, looking for a superplex.... del Rio headbutts out of it, hanging Reigns out to dry, in the Tree of Woe. Alberto sees the opening, and goes for his double stomp finisher. Reigns just barely pulls himself out of the way, and ADR whiffs.
  
  Reigns hits him with the Superman Punch, and steps back for the Spear... instead, he runs into a Superkick for an ultra-convincing near fall. Crowd gasps audibly when Reigns barely kicks out. Del Rio calls for the cross armbreaker, and again the crowd encourages him with "SI!" chants.
  
  But when ADR tries to cinch it, Reigns goes low and turns it into a small package for a near fall. Both men down, and the ref applies a double count.
  
  Reigns is the first to his feet, and when he goes over to pick up ADR, Alberto reaches up and grabs the wrist. Cross Armbreaker is cinched! Reigns fights it and gets a rope break... so Alberto goes up top for something... Reigns dodges it and hits a flash Spear, and just like that, it's over.
  
  Reigns advances after a very fine 15 minute match. Nothing spectacular, but the fact that they built up to even one convincing near fall where it seemed like del Rio could/should win was pretty commendable.
  
  
• Backstage: Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo Jr. is standing by with Roman Reigns, but has absolutely nothing on his mind. Instead, he stutters and stammer until Dean Ambrose pops in, and the two talk about how they can't wait for Ambrose to beat Kevin Owens so they can fight over the WWE Title. Then, he stutters and stammers even more until Owens pops in to bail him out with a promo about how Reigns has come close before only to fail, and tonight will be the same.
  
  Jo Jo asks if Reigns wants to respond to anything Owens said, and Reigns just says that he's got faith in his buddy, and Owens is about to get his ass beat by Dean Ambrose.
  
  
• Dean Ambrose beats Kevin Owens in a WWE Title Tourney Semifinal Match. The old school feeling out process is short and sweet, and gives way to a high octane sequence for Ambrose, underscoring his "anything can happen" vibe. But when Ambrose goes to the top rope one time too many, Owens knocks a leg out, Ambrose tumbles to the mat, and eats a Cannonball.
  
  Just like that, Owens slows things down for a hard-hitting heel onslaught. Some bullying/bad-mouthing, but constantly punctuated by convincing slams/throws/etc that just look like they hurt. Gloriously dickish, all around! To that point, a crowd that was originally pretty split turns solidly in Ambrose's favor, and only the wankers are left cheering Owens by the time he settles in for a chinlock, and further taunts us by declaring "Chinlock City, bitches!"
  
  How can you cheer a man who takes you to "Chinlock City," you assclowns? Randy Orton is all your fault!
  
  But a chinlock is always good for one thing: it's almost always the rest hold out of which a babyface can fire up... and that's exactly how Ambrose uses it, here!
  
  Big comeback for Dean-o, building up to his standing elbowdrop for his first convincing near fall. Next, he sets Owens on the top rope, looking for a superplex, but physics and leverage are not in his favor. For the second match in a row, a heel headbutts out of the superplex. But this time, he follows it up with something even more awesome than the Double Stomp Of Woe....
  
  Owens nails Ambrose with a top rope Michinoku Driver. HOLY SHIT!
  
  But Ambrose kicks out. And then, Owens does that inexplicable thing where he starts yelling at Cole for no good reason. So when he re-addresses Ambrose, Ambrose quickly catches him with a Rebound Clothesline. Owens rolls out of the ring to buy some time, and to play a little possum. When Ambrose goes to fetch him, Owens plays hurt some more, falling to the mat. So Ambrose decides to go for a Suicide Dive...
  
  But Owens side-steps, and gestures (Broadly) that he wasn't hurt quite as badly as he was letting on. He chucks Ambrose back into the ring, and whips him into the ropes... he's thinking it's time for the Pop Up Powerbomb, but Ambrose leapfrogs it, and goes for another Rebound Clothesline. This time, Owens has it scouted, and Ambrose walks into a superkick.
  
  Owens with another whip, and goes for the Pop-Up a second time.... this time, Ambrose counters at the last second, and flips into a snap 'rana. Then, a flash Dirty Deeds, and it's all over. Ambrose advances to face his pal, Roman Reigns.
  
  Outstanding 15 minute match, a notch above the opener, and man alive, we're off to one hell of a start, here. Good opener, and second match is brushing right up against "youtube-worthy" status. And it all sets up a Reigns/Ambrose final, which has all kinds of options for different winners/heel turns.
  
  
• A Traditional 5-on-5 Survivor Series Elimination Match ends with Ryback, Kalisto, and Jey Uso as the Survivors. They purposely kept the participants a mystery, because this is basically a random conglomeration of 10 guys, rather than a well-woven-together combination of storylines. But after the preshow match, it's pretty clear who 6 of the 10 will be (after a brawl on Thursday's SD), and the other 4 aren't hard to guess.
  
  Ryback is out first, and then it's the Lucha Dragons. So yep, those are the three obvious babyface. The Usos enter to round out the team.
  
  For the heels, we know that means it'll be the New Day. But the other two? Turns out that it's KotR Wade Barrett and Mr. MitB Sheamus. Works for me.
  
  The Atlanta crowd wants to cheer for the New Day, as Eggsavier Woods is a local boy, and is rocking a brand new James Brown-esque pompadour... but the New Day do not wish to be cheered, so they goose some heel heat out of the crowd by bad-mouthing Atlanta's various sports franchises and also their opponents (including "The Lucha Booties" which is a particularly wise choice of burns when you realize that "Booty Dragon" would actually be a REALLY sweet nickname!). Their heel promo comes crashing to a halt when Sheamus tries to get in on the action by promising to "get jiggy," which gets pitying eyeball roles from his entire team. Sheamus' feelings seem hurt. Awwwww.
  
  For the third time in the last month, Woods insists upon starting a match against the Usos, and for the first time, he has some success. But it only lasts about 30 seconds, and then he freaks out when Jimmy Uso goes for his fancy new hairdo. Woods makes a bee-line for his corner, and tags in Kofi.
   
  A few rotations for both teams means everybody gets a little taste, but then it breaks down into a Pier Niner, with all the heels outside the ring, and then the babyfaces see an opening: the Usos and the Dragons hit a Quadruple Plancha!
  
  Suddenly, Ryback feels left out, and he sees a scrum of nine bodies, and figures he can jump onto that without hurting himself. So Air Ryback makes its maiden flight, leaping from the top rope to the floor! A nice big high spot, for sure, but then we sort out the legal men, and it turns out to be Sheamus and an Uso. And Sheamus is quickest to recover, and starts laying in a beatdown.
  
  The heels start making frequent tags (including the the Unicorn Stampede), and Jey Uso is in pretty bad shape. Luckily, the New Day can be prone to Trombone Antics and Hip Swiveling.... and when they get distracted by that nonsense, Jey hits an enzuigiri for separation, and tags in his brother. Jimmy goes on a tear, tags in Sin Cara, and after a Swanton, Wade Barrett is eliminated. It's 5-on-4.
  
  Kofi in for the heels, and he's immediately in trouble as the Usos and Dragons make a flurry of tags to keep a fresh man in. But once Jimmy Uso is trapped in the enemy corner for the briefest moment, he falls victim to a double team, as Woods catches him with a variation of the Demolition Decapitation. It's 4-on-4.
  
  The power heels -- Big E and Sheamus -- start to take control, and Big E takes out Sin Cara with a crazy ass suicide dive.... but Sheamus blind tags himself into the ring to get the pin on Sin Cara. It's 4-on-3. Big E is upset at Sheamus stealing his thunder, and jaws with Sheamus... so Sheamus says "Fine, you want in, I'll tag you in." And he does.... and Big E is instantly taken down with a Meathook by Ryback. Big E is eliminated. It's 3-on-3.
  
  Execept, it's more like 3-on-1, because the New Day decide that Sheamus is a jerkface... Kofi and Woods tend to their friend, and decide that Big E got screwed, so they're gonna help him to the back, and leave Sheamus hung out to dry.
  
  Sheamus is miffed, and looks like a major underdog. But when Kalisto enters the match for his team, Sheamus uses the size/strength advantage to start bullying the little guy to good effect.
  
  But at the end of the day, it's 1-on-3, and when Ryback manages to tag in, Sheamus is in genuine jeopardy for the first time. Sheamus does manage to duck a Meathook, but when he goes for the Brogue Kick, Ryback ducks it, and after a triple-reversey spot that included Jey Uso and Kalisto joining in, the Shellshock hits, and Sheamus is pinned.
  
  With the New Day nowhere to be found, the ref decides to call for the bell to end the match. Team Babyface wins, with Ryback, Kalisto, and Jey Uso surviving (but Kofi Kingston and Eggsavier Woods were never, technically eliminated). An entertaining and harmless way to spend 20 minutes, but that finish makes it really hard to get too invested, since nothing was actually settled. Ten talented guys going through the motions is fine on a random Monday night, but it'll feel out of place on a PPV.
  
  
• Charlotte beats Paige to retain the WWE Women's Title. Full boxing-style ring intros by Lilian, for extra gravitas. Then the bell rings and Charlotte absolutely tears into Paige, as revenge for Monday's questionable Dead Brother Gambit. Paige is on the wrong end of all kinds of fists, forearms, elbows, and boots, until Paige manages to escape to the relative safety of the apron, where the two have an exchange that ends with Charlotte getting rammed into the ring post. Ouch.
  
  With that, Paige is firmly in command for a bit.... but when she settles in for her second rest hold (the first was an abominable stretch), Charlotte fires up. Her comeback  leads to a Figure Four, but she isn't quite able to turn it into the Figure Eight... Paige gets a rope break, but Charlotte doesn't release the hold until the ref's count gets to 4.
  
  Paige is in a bad way, and Charlotte yanks her out of the ring, and hits a vicious slam onto the ring apron. It's realistic that Charlotte could get count-out, but she doesn't want that. She takes it back into the ring, and drops her kneepad, so she can deliver extra-stiff knees to Paige's head. Just like daddy. And extremely nasty. That's what happens when you bring up deceased family members for no good reason.
  
  Charlotte's unforgiving offensive goes on for a couple minutes, until Paige side steps a charge, and Charlotte again eats the ring post. Paige goes back to submission tactics, including a Mega Half Crab, and a Body Scissors. This is now a full-on Phase Two Heel Beatdown.
  
  When Charlotte fires up, and the two start trading punches, the crowd starts playing "YAY"/"BOO" but they are YAY'ing for Paige. This comes on the heels of them chanting "WE WANT SASHA" during Charlotte's fire-ups. So yeah, I'm not saying I wish ISIS actually bombed the Phillips Arena, but the world would be a better place with fewer of you fricking wankers. [Granted, WWE is partly to blame for doing the whole thing with Reid and generally doing a shitty job of storytelling with the main roster women. But still.]
  
  Match spills outside, and Charlotte keeps the pedal down, leading up to a big spot off the barricade. Then, back into the ring, and it's not too long before the Figure Eight is locked in, and Paige taps out.
  
  Very good match, hurt by two things: WWE's storytelling leading up to the match was inexcusable poor, and the live fans took their very valid reasons to not care and went three steps too far by acting like massive wangnozzles. And two wrongs don't make a right.
  
  
• Backstage: a quick promo by Dean Ambrose, who says he considers Roman Reigns a brother, and wants nothing but the best for him... but at the end of the day, he wants the best for himself, too, and Roman Reigns won't pay his bills. The WWE Title will. So he's gonna go out there and do whatever it takes to win.
  
  Reigns pops in, and puts his own spin on the same sentiment. He's happy for Ambrose, but tonight's not about love and hugs. It's about the WWE Title, and Reigns hopes Ambrose brings his best, because Reigns is gonna be at the top of his game. A little eye contact and affirmative nodding, and the two peacefully go their separate ways.
  
  
• Tyler Breeze defeats Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler has completed his transition to a full-on brunette, which could be taken as a sign that he wants to be taken more seriously as he faces the younger/more-flamboyant version of himself. But then, his ludicrous be-dazzled tights would suggest otherwise. Ahem.
  
  Action is fast and furious to start. I mean REALLY fast. So fast that the ref is caught out of position a few times, and the announcers have no hope of keeping up. It finally slows down to a mere mortal pace when Breeze dives outside, and uses Summer Rae as a human shield. Ziggler opts not to punch her, and then Breeze uses the ring apron to his benefit to settle in for a heel beatdown.
  
  For a hope spot, Ziggler catches Breeze coming off the top rope with a standing dropkick.... problem is, when he hits it, he seems to re-injure his left knee. The same injury he's been selling non-stop for the better part of a month.
  
  Ergo, Dolph has a problem following up, and is especially gimpy after he whiffs on a Fameasser. That allows Breeze to get back into the match. The near falls and pinning combos are numerous, with the first believable one coming after Ziggler missed a superkick, but still turned it into a backslide.
  
  But another back-and-forth grapple, Ziggler missed another superkick, and tried for the same backslide, only to have Breeze counter the counter with an Unprettier. One... two... and three. Breeze wins!
  
  Rock solid 8 minute match. But at 8 minutes, it never quite reached a cruising gear, and felt like they left a bit on the table... whether that was a pure time management decision, or a purposeful move to set up a bigger/better rematch, I don't know, but it does continue the trend of the middle of this line-up being obviously/distractingly sacrificed, with the focus being put on the bookends.
  
  
• The Undertaker and Kane defeat Two Wyatts. WWE is playing it as a legit 2-on-2 tag match, but all four Wyatts enter, so no matter which two are "legal," why does feel like a giant schmozz waiting to happen? [Also, was it just me, or did Thursday's SD seem to reveal it was Bray/Strowman who would fight for the Wyatts? But now, we're back to it being wide open.]
  
  No decision is revealed, yet. An abbreviated pyro display bring The Demon Kane to the ring. Then the standard smoke and lightshow brings the Undertaker to the ring, 25 years after his incredible debut at the 1990 Survivor Series. For the occasion, Taker has burning "UT" symbols (I'm sure some PC bros will point out that they look like crosses) and some extra lasers. And his Titantron video is replaced by a series of images that recount his various looks over the past 25 years.
  
  But once he gets to ringside and joins Kane, he brings the lights up, just like usual, and it's go time.
  
  Still no decision from the Wyatts... but Erick Rowan gets antsy and decides to bum-rush the ring. Double big boot, double chokeslam. Looks like Rowan's out.
  
  Bray gives Strowman and Harper a good once-over, and finally tells Harper to get up on the apron. He tells Strowman "Stay." Bray joins Harper, and we've got our "legal" pair of Wyatt and Harper.
  
  Ref signs off on it, and we start the match. Kane takes it to Harper, and tags in Taker to a massive pop. Recalling his original debut performance, he methodically goes to work with punches and stomps, and then, just like he did in 1990, he calls for the Old School Rope Walk as his first major move.
  
  But this time, Harper counters it. BOO~!
  
  So it takes an extra 90 seconds or so of brawling, but then Taker HITS IT. Old School Rope Walk gets him a "YOU STILL GOT IT" chant. Apron Leg Drop is the follow up, and Harper is in big trouble.
  
  Taker tags Kane into the match, feeling pretty good about things.... but Kane quickly falls for a distraction by Wyatt, and then while the ref reprimands Wyatt, Strowman strikes, and slams Kane into the announcer's desk. The illegal triple teaming establishes Kane as our Face in Peril.
  
  It's a few minutes of Wyatts, but when Bray calls for Sister Abigail, he wastes precious second by mocking the Undertaker's throat slit, first. Kane fights out, hits a chokeslam, and jsut like that, he's got ample separations.
  
  Kane gets to his corner, and makes the hot tag to Undertaker. Harper in on the corresponding move.
  
  Taker goes on a rampage for a bit, but Strowman gets up on the apron to slow things down. Kane rejoins the fight, and together, Taker and Kane hit a double chokeslam on Strowman, sending him through the Spanish Announce Table. That blows the roof off the joint!
  
  The ref opts to focus on getting Kane back to his corner... as a result, Taker can't follow up on Harper, the legal man. Instead, Harper and Wyatt hit a double team sequence, and Bray hits the Sister Abigail on Taker.
  
  Kane has to come in to break up the fall, but Harper is right there to flatten him with a lariat.
  
  Both Taker and Kane are down, and Wyatt and Harper decide to gloat for a bit (including Bray hitting his upside-down corner hang). But it's a surprise to no one when Taker and Kane hit a Stereo Zombie Sit-Up.... and that's bad news for the Wyatts.
  
  Chokeslams all around, and then a Tombstone for Bray Wyatt, and Taker scores the decisive pinfall.
  
  A perfectly serviceable 15-minute spectacle, with a compelling blend of convincing athleticism and nostalgia. When it became apparent that WWE was going this way, I had all kinds of visions of 4-on-4 (or even 5-on-5) that would have been way more layered and entertaining, but WWE sure as hell got every last ounce out of this simplified/streamlined affair.
  
  Taker and Kane walking out, together and victorious, just plain WORKS and feels right, whether in a tag match like this, or as survivors in a bigger match, so honestly: I can leave the extra layers and complexity on the table, if we were just gonna get to this finish, anyway.
  
  
• Roman Reigns eeks out a win over Dean Ambrose to win the WWE Title Tournament. So we're down to Reigns vs. Ambrose, with no real hints or suggestions of a heel turn.... and yet, I almost feel like some kind of swerve HAS TO be coming. UberFace Reigns winning the title would just piss off the majority of the WWE audience, and WWE has to know it. So a heel turn is in play, by either guy. A Sheamus cash-in could provide the adequate foil for Reigns (if Ambrose isn't turned).
  
  For whatever it's worth, Reigns enters first, which is usually the slot reserved for the heel or underdog. Could be foreshadowing.... could just be WWE acknowledging the very strong anti-Reigns sentiment in the opener, and letting Ambrose get the final word in terms of entrances.
  
  Another set of full-on boxing-style ring intros by Lilian. Crowd is firmly in favor of Ambrose. It's 75/25, maybe even 80/20. Also: Ambrose's wife-beater got ripped off in the final exchange of his match against Owens. He did not bother unpacking a new one, but nor did he bother removing the t-shirt shrapnel from his torso, which is one part retarded, but three parts pitch-perfect Ambrososity.
  
  Ambrose had the slightly tougher semifinal match, and Reigns is the bigger of the two, so the early moments feature Roman in charge. Boos and "Roman. Sucks." chants (to the "New. Daysucks" beat) are mighty, until Ambrose does a modified Rebound Clothesline outside of the ring.
  
  Then, Dean starts working over Roman's arm (which was earlier worked over by Alberto), underscoring that he's here to do whatever it takes. Ambrose builds up to a turnbuckle Mount and Punch, but Reigns regains control by turning that into a powerbomb. Reigns doesn't even bother trying for a cover, and instead, keeps the waist-lock and hits a second powerbomb, in combo. Now a pinfall. Ambrose kicks out.
  
  Reigns sets Ambrose up for a superplex, and there's a bit of sloppiness, as Ambrose tries to flip through into a sunset flip, but it doesn't quite connect. But it doesn't hurt the match, as Ambrose's follow up is an attempted Standing Elbow, but Reigns gets him in mid-air with a Superman Punch, and just like that, we've got a believeable near fall.
  
  Ambrose kicks out.
  
  Another back and forth grapple, and Reigns hits the Spear.
  
  Ambrose kicks out.
  
  Reigns is officially started to unravel. His two big moves, and he cannot keep Ambrose down. We know Ambrose is in "whatever it takes' mode.... but Reigns has already done "all he's got," without success.
  
  Reigns decides on another Spear, but Ambrose sees it coming, and side steps (in so doing, he even pantomimes that Reigns may now meet the steel ring post, just as he planned all along, which is awesome). Reigns' bad shoulder takes the brunt of it, and Ambrose catches him with a flash Dirty Deeds.
  
  Now it's Roman's turn to kick out.
  
  Both guys are down and slow to recover. Ref applies a double count, and both guys slowly sit up at about 6 or 7. Ambrose gives a dismissive "you jerk" shove to Roman, as they are both seated. Roman perks up, and shoves back. Ambrose responds with a face palm to Roman's mug, and that just pisses the big man off.
  
  Both men to their feet, and after a back and forth grapple, Ambrose is in position for the Rebound Clothesline..... but instead, Roman cuts him in half with a Spear.
  
  One.
  
  Two.
  
  Three.
  
  And Roman Reigns is the new WWE Champion. It takes a while, but finally both men get to their feet at roughly the same moment.... and Ambrose gives Roman a quick hug and a pat on the back.
  
  Reigns begins celebrating with the title belt, and tons of confetti, and everything.... but suspiciously, it's only 10:40 PM (eastern), which leaves a lot of time for shennanigans.
  
  
• Sheamus cashes in Money in the Bank to win the WWE Title. And at 10:41 PM (eastern), shennanigans begin, as Triple H makes an unexpected appearance. He heads to the ring an offers a handshake to Reigns... Reigns is suspicious, and declines. In fact, when HHH stays in the ring, insisting on the handshake, Reigns decides to punctuate his decision by hitting HHH with a Spear.
  
  But as soon as he hits it, he turns around and walks into a Brogue Kick from Sheamus.
  
  Sheamus hands his MitB Briefcase to the ref, who declares this an official cash-in. Sheamus goes for the flash pin, but Reigns kicks out.
  
  But Sheamus doesn't panic. Sheamus steps back and calls for a second Brogue. And he hits it. And this time, when he goes for the cover, there is no kick-out.
  
  Sheamus is WWE Champion for the second time, thanks to a 45 second cash-in after a solid 15 minute Reigns/Ambrose main event.
  
  Reigns would have been roundly shat upon as WWE Champ if WWE had gone that route tonight (we all just like Ambrose better; and some of us even like Owens better).... but Sheamus as the new Cororate Pawn is the kind of dispicable jerkwad who can provide some traction for Reigns chasing the belt with the crowd supporting him.
  
  Reigns is still essentially out of it, as HHH and Sheamus make it clear that they are in cahoots just before we fade to black.
  
  But then, awkwardly, we unfade back to the ring, where Sheamus' music cuts out so we can hear the crowd still booing Reigns as he gets to his feet. Reigns is looking annoyed at the world as he regains his bearings... his music finally kicks in and he departs the ring, half-assedly slapping a few hands, but mostly getting booed and looking like a guy who might have finally decided that it might be worth it to listen to Triple H the next time an offer is on the table.
  
  Then, and only then, do we fade for black for real...

And so ends the show. I wasn't much impressed by the forgettable middle half of the show... but the opening 25% and the closing 25% were just about as good as I could have hoped for.
 
The two semi-finals showcased some rock solid pro rasslin' fundamentals, with two good guys getting feel good wins over villains so they could advance to a title tourney (and Ambrose/Owens added seom new school sizzle and velocity to their match, too). Then, at the other end of the show, Taker and Kane delivered a satisfying spectacle, while Reigns/Ambrose was a jim dandy of a match capped off by a necessary swerve of Sheamus cashing in.
 
But the 5-on-5 had no real hook to it, thanks to zero planning/build-up. The women's match took a shitty storyline and multiplied it by a shittier bounch of fans, which robbed a very well-worked match of any significant appeal. And Breeze/Ziggler was abbreviated to the point of afterthought.
 
The math here isn't hard: Survivor Series was half a show. It's just that the good half was REALLY fricking good, so it's hard to be too upset.
 
I'll slap a final grade of B-plus on this puppy, and see you all in 24 for the RAW Recap!