Check it out. Or, at least, check out our discussion of the show, over in the OO Forums. I can't remember the last time we had this level of agreement among the pleasantly diverse/non-"IWC"-groupthink crew we have in the Forums.
 
And with that, I hope you'll let me cut it short. I got so into Takeover, and then posting about it after the show, that I did not get around to watching the finale of "Hannibal." So that's sitting on my DVR, right now, and I'd like to get to it before I go to bed tonight.
 
So let's cut to the chase. Here's what happened at the just-completed SummerSlam 2015 pay-per-view:

• On the Preshow. Renee Young quarterbacked a full hour of zero value add fluffery. No preshow match, nothing. Just 60 minutes of background noise.
  
  
• Cold Open. We open with Jon Stewart already in the ring, in hype mode. He role calls a bunch of the stars on tonight's card (the crowd responds predictably to each one, in between WHAT?s), and says that he's happy to be here on a real wrestling show, instead of doing a fake news show, and interacting with performers who actually respect their audiences, unlike pretty much every politician.
  
  And then he gets to Brock Lesnar, and Jon admits that he doesn't care for Brock Lesnar, and he's still hurt about the end of The Streak. He so upset that his first act as host of SummerSlam will be to give Brock Lesnar a piece of his mind. Would the fans like to see Jon interview Brock Lesnar? Of course they would.
  
  But then Jon says, "But as a small, weak, old man, I'm gonna need a little back up." And Jon says he called an old friend, and he agreed to come to SummerSlam to lend a hand. It's the Hardcore Legend, part-time Daily Show Correspondent, and Champion of All Wads... Mick Foley!
  
  Jon and Mick then perform a skit in which Foley says they had a fuzzy connection when Jon called him earlier in the week, and up until 10 minutes ago, Foley thought he was here to help Jon interview Rock. He sort of whiffed on the "B" sound.
  
  The comedic banter goes back and forth for a bit, until Mick gets serious, and says that he's wrestled all over the world, but there's one place he's never visited.
  
  Suplex City.
  
  And he has no intentions of going there tonight. So Mick invites Jon to Have a Nice Day, and leaves. Stweart immediately calls off the interview, and says he'll go find something else to do, and he leaves, too. Thus ends a fun, if pointless, 6 minute opening segment.
  
  
• Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc... And we're live in Brooklyn, NY, for the second night in a row (NXT Takeover was absolutely awesome last night, FYI!). Cole & The PPV Gang (JBL and Lawler) welcome us to the show, and also introduce us to the Spanish Announce Table AND the French Announce Table, making a rare appearance (lately, the German Announce Table has been a more regular guest). Then, it's time for in-ring action...
  
  
• Sheamus defeats Randy Orton, via pinfall.  Bell rings, and Sheamus is immediately distracted by a "YOU LOOK STOO PID" chant. When he turns his back, Orton goes for a Flash RKO, and Sheamus just barely escapes. THe chant intensifies, and Sheamus bails out and demands the microphone from the Perpetually Delightful Lilian Garcia. She hands it over.
  
  "I. Do not. Look stupid. YOU look stupid. You all look stupid, and you will all learn to Respect the 'Hawk!"
  
  Then Orton attacks Sheamus from behind, and takes the match back in the ring. Almost immediately, Sheamus dodges a charge, though, and jumps right into a "mid-match" heel beatdown. It's pretty rapid fire for 2 minutes, leading up to an Double Irish Curse and a near fall.
  
  Then Sheamus slows it down with a series of rest holds, including Orton's own chinlock. It's so exciting that the crowd breaks out into a "HOW YOU DOIN?" chant (Enzo and Cas' catchphrase in NXT), and then that one Soccer Wanker song.
  
  About 6 minutes in, and Orton fires up out of the chinlock to a reasonable pop (the crowd really seems to dislike Sheamus), getting his first near fall off the wraparound backbreaker. Exploder Suplex hits. Then Orton goes for a Turnbuckle Mount and Punch, and Sheamus turns the tide, briefly, shoving Orton off and hitting a powerslam.
  
  Sheamus' cinches in a bow-and-arrow type submission, but Orton's able to get a rope break, and then kicks Sheamus back when Sheamus tries to pull him away from the ropes. Pedulum power slam for another Orton near fall.
  
  Quick grapple, and after a double reversey, Orton hits a top-rope variation on the Hanging DDT. Somewhere, Orton got nicked on the forehead, and has a trickle of blood going; nothing major, though.
  
  Orton coils, and sets up for the RKO, but Sheamus has it scouted, and counters. Sheamus sets up the 10 of Clubs, but stops after three because the crowd started counting along. Instead, he just punched Orton in the face and shoved him into the ring.
  
  Sheamus then went for a slingshot shoulder tackle, but Orton caught him in mid-air with an RKO (not the most fluid mid-air RKO, sadly). Sheamus' momentum took him out of the ring, so Orton couldn't immediately get the pin.
  
  The time it took to get Sheamus back in the ring meant he was starting to come to... Orton changed his mind, and stepped back for the Punt o' Doom, instead of the RKO. But Sheamus easily side stepped. White Noise hits for a near fall.
  
  Sheamus steps back and starts calling for the Brogue Kick. Orton side steps, and goes for a Flash RKO, but Sheamus shoves him off into the corner, and follows Orton in, Brogue Kicking him. Orton's propped up by the turnbuckle, and then stumbled out of the corner into a second Brogue Kick.
   
  That's that. Not a whole lot of substance, but they kept it tight enough that it didn't overstay its welcome. Probably 12 minutes, which is just about perfect for what they had. Sheamus' nuclear heat helped, too.
  
  
• The New Day win the Tag Team Titles, in a Fatal Fourway Match against the Prime Time Players, Lucha Dragons, and Los Matadores. The New Day topped themselves with an awesome prematch promo in which they sang their own version of that Alicia Keys "New York" song. "Let's hear it for New Day / Negativity won't affect us / Our Clap is infectious / Let's hear it for New Day / All those other tag teams are booty / Yeah, I said Booty / New Day / New Day / New Day" and so forth. It was so awesome, the crowd had no choice but to stop booing and applaud the effort.
  
  The PTPs, Dragons, and Matadores all hit the ring, and when the bell ring, it's Big E versus Titus, but then Kofi blind tags himself in... the catch is, he tags Titus, so it's Kofi vs. E, and Kofi lays down. If the New Day pins the New Day, it means the New Day are the new tag champs. That's a new wrinkle...
  
  Then we settle in for a lot of rapidfire tags and back and forth action, but no real narrative throughline. Just making sure all teams got a moment in the sun. The chaos finally subsides a bit as Darren Young emerged as a Face in Peril. New Day did a lot of the damage, but the Dragons and Matadores got chances to contribute to the "heel" beatdown.
   
  FWIW, the New Day's heel status is debatable, as some fans are definitely chanting "NEW. DAY ROCKS." Sounds like a majority, too, not just a vocal minority. Eggsavier Woods, chattering nonstop at ringside, is the only thing keeping it close, as he's so excellent at being obnoxious.
  
  Big E locks in the Abdominal Stretch, and turns it into the Abdominal Clap, as is his wont. Young fires up out of that hold, and we get the hot tag to Titus. Kofi in on the corresponding move... but Titus' flurry quickly turns into a Pier 8 Brawl.
  
  In the chaos, a Matadore blind tags himself in... then Woods tries to interfere, which causes El Torito to jump in. Make that a Pier 10 brawl!
  
  The Dragons team up to take out the legal Matadore, but then the other Matadore jumps in, without the ref noticing. It builds up to a triple stack powerbomb/superplex spot where Titus got underneath the Dragons, who were superplexing the Matadore... but as he hit that move, Kofi blind tagged himself into the match.
  
  Titus kept on going as if he was legal, but he wasn't. The legal Matadore jumped back in, and Titus hit him with Clash of the Titus. That's when Kofi struck, shoving Titus out of the ring, and then covering the Matadore himself. NEW CHAMPS!
  
  Crazy spotfest, and a lot of fun, with the right team winning. Probably not more than 10 minutes, but it crammed a whole lot into that time. Works for me.
  
  
• Backstage: Jon Stewart and his son are talking to Neville and Stephen Amell, and Jon mentions that he's sure they'll have a great match, but he's really fired up for Taker and Lesnar, because he and Taker are tight. They talk all the time and everything...
  
  Jon's clearly full of shit, and to make that point clear, the lights go out, some smoke floats in, and the Undertaker's silhouette  walks past the camera. Jon may or may not have just wet himself.
  
  
• Dolph Ziggler and Rusev go to a Double Count-Out Draw. The Lana Makeover That Nobody Wanted has finally happened. She's wearing a jean skirt and a jean jacket, with a bra underneath; also, a perm. Boo; Lana was hot because she was LANA, but WWE apparently thinks she'll be hotter if she starts dressing sluttier. And 80s-ier, since that seems to be Dolph's fetish. Bzzzt. Then again, I'm a Picky and Discriminating Connoisseur of Attractive Women, and your mileage may vary....
  
  Fast start for Ziggler, but then that peters out, with the story being that this is Dolph's first match back after a serious injury, and he even rushed back a few weeks faster than his doctors advised him. So Rusev takes over, and uses his size and power to impose his will.
  
  For an extended period, Dolph gets nothing but period hope spots. Also, at one point, they cut to Lana, who apparently forgot who she's cheering for, as she instinctively broke out into happy clapping after Rusev hit a big move. Whoops.
  
  Dolph's for-real comeback starts after a big implant DDT. Then, he side stepped a corner charge, and followed up with a flurry of kicks and strikes. Rusev briefly regained control after a flash kick, but he went to the top rope, and that backfired. Dolph caught him and turned it into a top rope X-Factor facebuster for a near fall.
  
  Dolph's flurry continues, until he goes for a superkick. Rusev blocks it, slams Ziggler, and then hits a running senton (ouch!) for a convincing near fall. Rusev went for another big kick, but Dolph ducked, got behind Rusev, and turned it into a sunset flip pinning combo.
  
  Rusev kicks out, but Dolph keeps the heat on with a sleeper. Rusev breaks it by falling back into the turnbuckle, but Dolph follows up with a Fame Asser for another two count.
  
  Dolph goes for the Zig Zag, but Rusev just shrugs him off and hits the thrust kick on the rebound. Rusev locks in the Camel Clutch... Lana goes over to encourage Ziggler to make it to the ropes, so Summer Rae tries to sneak attack her. Instead, Lana blocks the attack and slaps Summer.
  
  Rusev releases the hold to go yell at Lana. Ziggler crawls over to come to Lana's aid, but Rusev just re-cinches the Camel Clutch outside the ring. As Lana pleads for mercy, Summer tackles her from behind. Rusev releases the hold again, so he can taunt everybody.
  
  Meantime, the ref has been applying a double count-out, and is up to 5. Rusev turns back to Ziggler, and walks right into a superkick. Both men are down, but Ziggler is crawling towards the ring, while Rusev is splayed out on top of the announce table.
   
  Ziggler's last ditch effort fails, however, and the ref gets to 10. Double count-out. Well, that was.... unsatisfying. Very simple power heel vs. scrappy face lay-out to the match, and then a non-finish. I guess it's a way to move the feud forward, and maybe when it's not 7th or 8th on a 10 match depth chart, they'll do a bit more with it.
  
  After the Match, they did distract from the let-down by giving Lana and Summer a chance to roll around on the mat with each other until Rusev yanked Summer out of the ring and retreated. Still not as much fun as the Attitude Era CATFIGHTS, what with their ample displays of thong. But still absolutely nothing objectionable about two hot chicks getting it on...
  
  
• Neville and Stephen Amell defeat Stardust and the Cosmic King, via pinfall. Stardust is sporting a new sleeveless body suit. Barrett has gotten into the "Cosmic King" gimmick by sporting sparkly blue and white trunks. Amell kept it simple for his gear: black boots and shorts, kind of like Lesnar, except no Jimmy John's logos.
  
  Neville and Barrett start. Neville wins that, and Barrett tags in Stardust. Stardust demands that Amell tag in. Amell obliges, and suprises Stardust with a quick kick. Besmirched, Stardust fires back with some punches, and then starts taunting. Amell gets his wits back about him, ducks a clothesline, and hits a hip toss.
  
  Stardust has had enough, and tags Barrett back in. Amell opts to stay in the match... bad idea. Barrett quickly gains control, then Stardust wants back in.
  
  They actually start making rapid tags, and Amell takes a beating. Nothing fancy, very punchy-kicky so that Amell doesn't have to take any complicated bumps. But it's still way more physicality than most would have predicted out of the actor, so he successfully built up the sympathy.
  
  Amell's big moment was surprising Stardust with an enzuigiri, and then getting to his corner to hot tag Neville. Barrett in on the corresponding move.
  
  Neville goes to town on Barrett, then Stardust tries to interfere. Amell is on it! When Stardust and Barrett are in a heap outside the ring, Amell gets up to the top rope and hits a flying cross body to the floor on both of them.
  
  Amell grabs Barrett, the legal man, and tosses him back in the ring, where Neville hits the Red Arrow for the very crowd pleasing victory. Probably 8 minutes, tops, but again, Amell exceeds the expectations that you usually have for celebrities, and that's always a lot of fun.
  
  
• Ryback retains the IC Title in a three-way match against Big Show and Miz. Bell rings, and not surprisingly, Miz just dives out of the ring. He's gonna let Ryback and Big Show beat the shit out of each other. But that only lasts a minute or so, as Miz's Innate Weasel dictates that he take a potshot at Ryback when Ryback goes for a rope break.
  
  Ryback gets pissed and dives out to chase Miz, and Miz tries to escape by ducking into the ring. You know, where Big Show is. Bad idea.
  
  They run through a sequence of shifting alliances, until Ryback and Miz decide they will team up to suplex Big Show. Instead, Big Show suplexes both of them at the same time. Impressive. Miz powders out, and Big Show keeps beating on Ryback.
  
  It leads up to Big Show heading up to the second rope and actualling diving off to hit a senton on Ryback. Holy shit. THat's one where I don't know who's crazier: Show for trying the move, or Ryback for agreeing to take it.
  
  Miz breaks it up, but soon enough, he powders out again to let Big Show and Ryback do all the work. They do about 3 minutes of slobberknockering, leading up to Ryback hoisting up Big Show for the Shellshock. IMPRESSIVE~!
  
  But before Ryback can make the cover, Miz dives in and hits a flash SKF on Ryback. Miz covers Ryback. Ryback kicks out at 2. Miz covers Big Show. Big Show kicks out at 2. Covers Ryback again; kick out at 2 again. Big Show again; kick out at 2 again. Back to Ryback, kicks out at 1. Back to Show, kicks out at 1. Ryback, insta-kick-out. Big Show, insta-kick-out.
  
  Miz realizes things are trending the wrong way, and thinks about bailing... but instead, Show and Ryback are back to their feet, and they ping pong him around for a bit.
  
  Crazy rapidfire end game with tons of near falls and break-ups (too fast for me to type 'em up), but it leads up to Big Show hitting Miz with the KO Punch, and then turning to face Ryback. Show charges with another punch, but Ryback lowbridges him. Big Show tumbles out of the ring, and Ryback pins the unconscious Miz to retain the IC Title.
  
  They definitely did a good job with all the chicanery and over-booking... instead of coming off a bit flat and tired, like Sheamus/Orton, this was almost more like the tag title match. It was that busy. It's just that, in this case, I was sort of wishing for Miz to win. But beggars can't be choosers.
  
  
• Backstage: Jon Stewart may not want any of Brock Lesnar, but he figures he might do alright in a verbal battle against a fellow doughy Jewish man. He knocks on Lesnar's door, and out comes Paul Heyman. Jon offers up a Moment of Shoot by telling Heyman "I got a nickname for you: I always call you the Apex Orator." Heyman thanks him, sarcastically, because he's always working.
   
  Jon picks up on the dickishness, and is all "What, because I'm an Undertaker Guy?" And Heyman is all, "Hey, I can't help it if your 'guy' was totally outclassed by My Beast." And then Heyman brags about WM some more.
   
  Stewart nails it as he adopts the same tone that he sometimes adopted with twatwaffles like Tucker Carlson... not over the top anger, but more understated disappointment that somebody can choose to be so terrible. "You know, Paul, it's not even that Brock beat the Streak. It's how you acted when he did. Streaks are made to be broken, but you know what, the streaks are what we remember. Pop quiz, hot shot, Who broke Joe DiMaggio's streak? You don't know. *I* don't know. Because the end of his streak didn't diminish how amazing and improbable that streak was. So congrats, you broke an amazing streak. But then, you havent' let one week go by since where you didn't mention that you ended the streak. And you know that kinda sucks, right? It's one thing to be proud of what you did. It's another to spent 18 months deriving joy from the fact that the end of that streak made other people sad. People pay their money to come to WrestleMania, and they want to be happy. WrestleMania is like Christmas, and the fans want to find that puppy under the tree. Sometimes, it's not there, and you can deal with that. But you're the kind of jerk who doesn't just not leave a gift.... you leave coal, and then you LAUGH about it, right into their faces. That's why nobody likes you."
   
  Great job by Stewart. Heyman's response, "Yeah, well, ummmmm.... the only reason you're here is because they couldn't get Letterman." ZING~! Then Heyman immediately ducks back into Lesnar's lockerroom, before Stewart can re-zing him. Nice segment. I don't know what it has to do with the price of tea in china, but it's two smart human beings acting in a pretty genuine way... all while advancing a totally phony narrative. I get a kick out of that sort of thing.
  
  
• Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose defeat Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper, via pinfall, when Reigns pins Wyatt. Ambrose and Harper start, but Wyatt can't help himself, so it quickly breaks down in Chinatown. All four men are brawling outside the ring, leading to a big sport where Ambrose did his Running Start Dive across ALL THREE ANNOUNCE TABLES, onto Wyatt. With Bray desposited in the first row, Ambrose and Reigns take turns beating on Reigns.
  
  Wyatt finally crawls back to the ring, and distracts Ambrose, so Reigns gets off the apron, and we're right back to a crazy four-way brawl outside the ring. This time, the heels get the better of it, as Wyatt holds Reigns and Ambrose in place so that Harper can get a running start and take both out with a suicide dive.
  
  Reigns takes it particularly hard, bumping over the announce table. So Bray and Harper have their way with Ambrose, destroying him over the course of 5 minutes or so. It's essentially a handicap match, as Reigns takes that long to even get back up on the apron, and there are multiple occassions where Ambrose looks to his corner and sees nobody. Hmmmmm: am I thinking too hard, or might this be setting up the long-talked bout Ambrose heel turn?
  
  Finally, after 5 minutes and a "ROMAN'S SLEEPING" chant, Reigns gets up on the apron, and Ambrose almost instantly (and without any incident) dives for the hot tag. Reigns' fire up is met with a decidedly mixed reaction, and ends prematurely when Bray causes a distraction, and Harper nails the sit-out powerbomb for a near fall.
  
  Bray has a plan, and orchestrates what LOOKS like it's gonna be a second rope powerbomb, but Reigns escapes, takes out Harper, and then tags in Ambrose, and calls for a doubleteam move of their own: the Doomsday Device hits on Bray.
  
  Harper breaks it up, but Reigns and Ambrose fight back, and hit a two-man version of the Shield's Triple Powerbomb on him. Ambrose sees Wyatt is still down, and makes a big show of calling for the end...
  
  But Wyatt was playing possum, and catches Ambrose with a clothesline and then goes for a flash Abigail... Ambrose fights out, and after a double reversey bit, Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds, and looks over to Reigns. Would the Big Man like to finish things off?
  
  You bet he would.
  
  Spear hits. Cover made. Match won. The Sleepy Roman bit was.... weird. Not in a good way. In a distracting way. Like they were trying too hard to force Ambrose's face in peril segment, and didn't think fans would notice just how awkward it was. But they did. That said, the crazy-ass first 5 minutes of all-over brawling was more unexpectedly awesome than the second 5 minutes was awkward. And the last 5 minutes of end game were very good, too. On the whole, pretty solid.
  
  
• Seth Rollins unites the WWE and US Titles by defeating John Cena, via pinfall, thanks to an assist from Jon Stewart. At exactly 9pm, the halfway mark of the show, we've got 6 matches down, and 4 to go. So it's time for the first of our two main events.
  
  Rollins apparently was going through some old WrestleLine highlights, and has decided to try the Wrestling Jesus gimmick. Gone is the black catsuit. In its place is a new all-white ensemble. Even if Wrestling Jesus wasn't his goal, the majority of live fans treat him as such, and are definitely NOT fans of John Cena.
  
  Lilian does the full boxing-style ring intros, and it sounds like Seth might have an 80/20 edge when it comes to cheers. Actually, once the bell rings, and the dueling chants start, I'll ammend that to 80/20/20, cuz I think SOME fans are cheating, and chanting BOTH ways, just having fun with it.
   
  And then: my stream goes south. First, I lose picture quality. Then, it just dies completely. I had some trouble right at 7pm getting connected, but that settled down. Now, after 60 seconds, still frozen. Reload the page. Nothing. After 3 minutes, I finally get the stream back, but heavily pixelated. Just an idea WWE: how about ensuring that your paying customers get what they're paying for before going and handing out more free previews than your system can handle?
  
  I rejoin the action with Cena nominally in control, and the live crowd trying to come up with new ways to chant against him, including "SEE. NASUCKS." But then Rollins fires up, and blows the roof off the joint by chucking Cena out of the ring, and then hitting an escalting series of three dives out of the ring. The last one is a no-hands-over-the-top flip.
  
  Back in the ring, Rollins goes for a couple covers, but Cena's still got plenty left in the tank. So Rollins realizes he has to keep the pressure on. He goes up top, but Cena plucks him out of mid-air, by the ankle, and tries for the SSTF. Quick rope break by Rollins, but Cena goes right into his Five Moves of Doom.
  
  Rollins circumvents the Five Knuckle Shuffle, though... Cena responds by attempting tthe Springboard Stunner, but he completely whiffs it (Rollins sells it, though). Predictably, this just angries up the smark crowd even more, and they chant "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" at Cena.
  
  Rollins placates them by dropping Cena, and hitting an awesome standing moonsault for a near fall. For a follow-up he ties Cena to the tree of woe, and then goes up top for a double stomp. Cena just barely kicks out at 2.9.
  
  Rollins argues with the ref. Dumb. He turns back to Cena, and Cena busts out a flash F-U. But Rollins kicks out at 2. This serves as a reset, with both men selling the idea that they are spent (even though it's only been 10 minutes). Ref applies a double count, and both men get up at 7 and start trading punches. Cena gets the better of it. He hits a spinebuster for a near fall, then goes up to the top rope.
  
  Flying leg drop hits. Convincing near fall, but Rollins does just barely kick out.
  
  Cena picks Rollins up for a second F-U, but decides to up the ante, and sets Rollins up on the top rope... before the top rope F-U can come together, Rollins flips over and turns it into his Running Turnbuckle Powerbomb for a convincing near fall.
  
  Rollins follow-up is a textbook Frog Splash, but Cena sort of catches him and rolls through and hoists Rollins up to his shoulders in one smooth motion. Whoa. But Rollins fights out before the F-U happens, and then, after a quick grapple, Cena comes at Rollins with a crossbody, and ROLLINS rolls through and hoists Cena up on his shoulders in one smooth move. WHOA~!
  
  And when Rollins does it, he HITS the F-U for a near fall. That gets a "THIS IS AWE SOME" chant. Rollins up top, but Cena dodges, and Rollins whiffs. Another big double reversey spot where Cena goes for the SSTF, Rollins escapes, Rollins goes for the Pedigree, Cena escapes, and then Cena locks in the Figure Four.
  
  Oh, the indignity! Getting Flair's record of 16 world titles with Flair's own hold! But Rollins is able to reverse the pressure, and Cena has to go for the rope break. Also, my stream is getting very stuttery again, so if I lose play-by-play, I apologize in advance.
  
  But for now, I'm still able to piece it together, and after some back and forth fisticuffs, Rollins wins the exchange... he hits a big superplex, and combos it with an immediately brainbuster for a near fall. Rollins goes up top again, but Cena catches him, and crotches him on the top turnbuckle, then pulls Rollins onto his shoulders, looking for the F-U...
  
  Rollins grabs the top rope, and Cena tries to yank him off... first try fails, so he loads up and yanks even harder... and pulls Rollins off with such a wild jerk that Rollins legs ram into the ref's face. Ref is KO'd. Cena finishes the F-U, but there's nobody to count it.
  
  Cena goes and checks on the ref and calls for the trainer to help out. In so doing, he gives Rollins enough time to recover... Cena turns back and walks right into the Nose Splattering Knee Lift.
  
  But again, no ref to count a fall, just yet...
  
  So here comes our Guest Host, Jon Stewart, to sort things out!
  
  The crowd, expecting him to screw Rollins boos the shit out of him. And yet, Stewart is oddly lugging a steel chair to the ring. All may not be as it seems.
  
  And indeed, instead of immediately attacking Rollins or giving the chair to Cena, Stewart milks it. Standing between the two, almost seeming to weigh the crowd's reaction, too. And with Rollins cowering in a corner, Cena finally gets to his feet...
  
  And Jon Stewart rams the chair into Cena's gut, gestures to Rollins, and then sets the chair in position so that Rollins can hit the Pedigree onto the chair.
  
  Stewart dives out of the ring and disappears, just as the ref comes to, and rolls into the ring, unaware of what just happened. He counts three, and just like that, Rollins unifies the WWE and US Titles.
  
  I was displeased by the Network's obvious capacity problems, and am now worried about how things will go when it's time for Lesnar/Taker.... but let me be the first to look the other way on Cena's whiffed Stunner, and call this a really good 20 minute match with a cool swervey, buzzworthy finish.
  
  Even after Rollins was long gone, and we were killing time with a post mortem by the Expert Panel, the "THANK YOU STOO WART" chants were mighty. Good times....
  
  
• Team PCB wins a three-way elimination match over the Bella Empire and Team BAD, when Becky Lynch pins Brie Bella. Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same.... Bayley and Sasha absolutely stole the show last night on Takeover, with a legit Match of the Year Candidate. But even with all the big talk of a "revolution in women's sports," the divas still get sent out there as the "cool-down" match, where fans are trained to care less and regroup after a big match.
  
  I was never really clear on the format/rules ever since they started calling it an "Elimination" Match... turns out, it's just two women in the ring at any time (not one from each team), which is yet another case of WWE Multi-Rules sometimes being a bit, ummm, stupid (New Day's ploy earlier, notwithstanding).
  
  Obviously, with these rules, a smart team would manipulate things so all three of them were OUT of the match, then they would step down off the apron, and not tag in until the first elimination. And then, feast on the leftovers. So, of course, everybody's fighting to be involved. D'oh.
  
  Chaotic back and forth brawling builds up to Becky and Naomi as the legal women, which expands to include Charlotte and Sasha. All four are in a heap outside the ring, so Brie and Nikki get a running start and dive out onto the pile.
  
  Alicia tries to, ummmm, pile onto the pile. But Paige intercepts and adds Alicia to the pile. Then Paige leaps from the top rope onto the pile. That leaves Tamina, alone, unscathed, so she plucks Paige off the pile and seems to be on the brink of scoring an elimination...
  
  But that's when the Bellas jump in, and Brie catches Tamina with a facebuster, and just like that, Team BAD is eliminated. I have no idea if either was actually legal, but given that I've already exposed the silliness of these particular rules, does it really matter?
  
  So we're down to the Bella Empire vs. Team PCB, and specifically, Paige instantly becomes our Face in Peril, as the Bellas and Alicia make frequent tags and maintain the offensive for several minutes. This builds up to Brie taunting the crowd and then laying in with YES! Kicks (the crowd responds by chanting NO! for them).
  
  On the super stepback wind-up YES! Kick, Paige catches the leg and turns it into a roll-up, because the super stepback wind-up YES! Kick hardly ever works. Brie decides she's had enough of this, and there's a brief segment of rapid tags among the heels.
  
  But then Paige is able to fire up on Alicia, because Alicia's not the one attached to a former WWE Champion who makes the company a lot of money. Hot tag to Charlotte.
  
  Unlike her NXT moveset, Charlotte is not too proud to bust out a ton of chops for the cheap pops... and then, straight into the Figure Eight. But Alicia kicks out of it, and just like that, both women are down.
  
  Charlotte opts to tag in Becky, just as Alicia gets a tag to Brie. Crowd goes mild, as they sense (as I do) that Becky being involved for End Game telegraphs that Becky is the sacrificial lamb who will take the fall....
  
  And just like that, Becky says "Screw you, Smarty Pants," as she side steps a Missile Dropkick, and then nails a pumphandle uranage to pin Brie. Nice.
  
  Decent enough match, but all my standing complaints still stand, with regards to WWE's mishandling of the "Revolution" after the initial break-out night. Also, my smartypants thesis about Becky is not a reflection on my personal opinion of her, but a comment on the PERCEPTION of her as a late add-on, while Charlotte and Sasha have been the rock stars of NXT for over a year before their call-ups... her scoring the fall was utterly unexpected, almsot improbable, but in the end, appreciated, because it's way better to go out of your way to CHANGE that perception to match Becky's true skill level, rather than reinforcing the false perception.
  
  
• Kevin Owens scores a pinfall win over Cesaro. Owens left it all in the ring in ANOTHER awesome match last night at Takeover... he lost an epic ladder match to Finn Balor, and the story here HAS to be that he's at less than 100%, almost to the point of making him an underdog tonight against Cesaro. Cole actually narrates some highlights to show us just how much of a beating Owens took.
  
  Bell rings, and Cesaro throws forearms, and Owens is happy to throw 'em back at him. And in fact, in defiance of that conventional wisdom, Owens wins the exchange, building up to a huge plancha.
  
  And then, Owens does that weird random thing he does sometimes where he gets distracted by Michael Cole. I truly do not get that. This gives Cesaro all the time he needs to mount his rebuttal, which takes the form of a suicide dive and then merciless uppercuts.
   
  It's a minute or two of solid offense, and the match spills back outside... Owens is barely able to dodge a charge, and Cesaro crashes into the barricade. Owens follows up with a cannonball, and takes it back into the ring for a more methodical beatdown. Up to an including the dreaded chinlock.
  
  Hope spot for Cesaro, but Owens snuffs it out with an inverted F-5 and a full-flip legdrop. Then, back to the chinlock. The crowd that had originally been pretty evenly split seems to have taken the hint, and are breaking Cesaro's way.
  
  Cesaro fires up out of the chinlock again, getting more of a pop the second time, and he goes to town with palm strikes and then an inverted Samoan Drop. Cesaro sets up for a superplex... but not just a superplex.
  
  A deadlift gut wrench superplex. On a 300 lbs man. Yikes, that guy is strong.
  
  Owens kicks out at 2. Cesaro calls for the Neutralizer, but Owens goes deadweight on him. Cesaro knees the shit out of him, and tries again. This time, Owens back flips out of it, and hits an utterly unexpected springboard tornado DDT. Now it's Owens with a believable near fall.
  
  Owens goes for the springboard, upscale moonsault, but Cesaro rolls out of the way. Cesaro sets up for a running uppercut, but Owens intercepts him with a superkick, instead. Kick out at 2.
  
  Owens again engages Cole, and then whips Cesaro into the ropes for the Pop-Up Powerbomb. Instead, Cesaro ducks and turns it into a running, spinning uppercut.
  
  Owens rolls out of the ring. But not to safety. Instead, Cesaro dives out on the opposite side, and gets a two-side running start for another running uppercut. Tosses Owens back into the ring. And hits the Giant Swing for 10 full rotations.
  
  Directly into the Sharpshooter.
  
  Owens with a desperation lunge for the rope break, because between the effects of last night, and the very immediate effects of the woozifying Swing, he didn't have long.
  
  Cesaro still in command, though, and he sets  Owens on the tope rope for a superplex. Owens fights him off, and Cesaro fires back by hitting a STANDING dropkick. While Owens was sitting on the top rope. Wow.
  
  Cesaro figures that'll be enough to soften Owens up, so he goes for the superplex again... but Owens fights him off again, this time, causing Cesaro to be crotched on the top rope. Ouch.
  
  With Cesaro seated off to his side (and utterly debilitated), Owens hooks the leg, hoists Cesaro up, and hits that Clinch Brainbuster off the top rope. I'll say it again: WOW.
  
  Then, just for shits and giggles, the Pop-Up Powerbomb, too. Owens wins a very good 15 minute match, and the story is that he overcame the odds by setting aside the beating he took last night to get that win.
  
  
• The Undertaker "beats" Brock Lesnar, via "submission," after "the stupidest damned finish I ever saw." Yep, the stream is back to crap. Lock that down, WWE, lock that down. FWIW, if it'll help isolate the issue, the stream problems are less-bad on my phone, using the WWE App. But any attempt to access the Network within a web browser, on both my Windows PC and my Mac laptop, were pretty atrocious once we hit another High Demand Moment.
  
  Simple, no nonsense entrance by Lesnar. Just 90 seconds or so of stalking to the ring while Cole tells us that Lesnar has not been beaten in a WWE ring in 3 years, and has been beaten NEVER by the Undertaker. Not at WM, and not even previously, when they crossed paths during Lesnar's initial WWE run.
  
  Undertaker has averaged one match per year for three years, so the fact that he's choosing tonight to go over that threshhold for 2015 gives him the right to be a bit more elaborate. Nothing over-the-top, like WM entrances, but the full smoke and mirrors and light show are in effect as Taker slowly strolls to the ring.
  
  And in fact, Taker milks his entrance a bit too long for Lesnar's tastes... Taker's stepping through the ropes, his music still playing, his hat still on, and Lesnar jumps him. CHEAPSHOT~! But a pitch perfect move to take the edge of Taker's low blows on Lesnar, and remind us that Lesnar's can be every bit as much of a dickhead. It originally sounded like the fans might break towards Lesnar, but just like that, it's even.
  
  Remember where I said the chants added up to more than 100% for Cena/Rollins.... it's even moreso here. The breakdown sounds like it's 60/50/40 for Taker/Lesnar/JustCheeringForBoth.... there are DEFINITELY a lot of people chanting both "LETS GO TAKER" and "SUPLEX CITY."
  
  Taker fends off the initial sneak attack, and Lesnar dives out of the ring to regroup. When he gets back in, and both men are stood up, the narrative is that this is Best Striker in WWE History vs. Best Grappler in WWE History.
  
  Taker lives up to it by staggering Lesnar with a straight right hand. But then Lesnar lives up to his label by taking Taker down, and then hitting a pair of suplexes.
  
  Before they can reach Suplex City, Taker responds, and hits Snake Eyes on Lesnar. Lesnar comes up bleeding. Nothing massive, but enough color that it adds to the visual impact of the match.
  
  Taker keeps the pressure on, and hits his Apron Legdrop. That draws a "YOU STILL GOT IT" chant. Back into the ring, Taker lands a few more right hands, but when he goes for the chokeslam, Lesnar reaches down and finds a German. That's three of them. Then another one. That's four, and that's Lesnar screaming "SUplex City, Bitch!" at Taker.
  
  Lesnar loads up for #5, but Taker tries to counter. Lesnar counters the counter, and hits it, anyway. Taker just rolls out of the ring.
  
  Lesnar has an idea: he clears off the French Announce Table, and sets up to suplex Taker through it... but Taker has other ideas. He fights Lesnar off, and calls for the Last Ride Powerbomb into the table.
  
  Lesnar's still the fresher man, though, and backdrops out of it, and then hits a flash F-5 through the table. There's a "THIS IS AWESOME" chant.
  
  Lesnar gets into the ring, perfectly happy to take a count-out... but Taker's not dead yet. Taker beats the count, and Lesnar just starts laughing and saying "Oh, I am gonna kill you, you stupid son of a bitch."
  
  But as Lesnar hoists Taker up, presumably for another F-5, Taker does a hair flip and looks straight at Lesnar: "Youu're gonna have to." And then a flash chokeslam lands on a confounded Lesnar.
  
  Taker slits the throat, and nails the Tombstone, too. Lesnar just barely rolls a shoulder up before the three count. Taker flops to his back, as that took his last bit of strength.
  
  Lesnar is actually the first to sort of come to, and he starts laughing when he sees Taker is still down. But then, Taker hits the Zombie Sit-Up and starts sarcastically cackling right back at Lesnar. Instead of shitting his pants, Lesnar KEEPS LAUGHING BECAUSE HE LOVES IT. Bring it on, old man! MOMENT OF THE NIGHT~!
  
  Both men, still seated on the mat, start trading fists... Taker gets the better of it, and after another grapple, Lesnar avoids a superplex, but Taker uses the positioning to segue into a Last Ride Powerbomb, instead.
  
  Lesnar kicks out!
  
  Another back and forth exchange, and Lesnar comes out with another F-5, but Taker kicks out. Lesnar wastes no time. There is no addition back and forth exchange. Lesnar just goes for another F-5, and it hits. It has a sense of finality, but Taker kicks out again.... the third time is NOT the charm for Lesnar.
  
  Another "THIS IS AWESOME" chant, as Lesnar stalks Taker. Taker is wheezing, selling internal injuries. Lesnar lazily reaches down to pick Taker up....
  
  And Taker grabs the wrist, and pulls Lesnar down into a Hell's Gate Triangle Choke. He was playing a bit of possum, but the underlying truth is that Taker is still pretty spent, so Lesnar is able to out-grapple Taker on the mat, turning it into a Kimura Lock.
  
  Taker keeps fighting the good fight, using his position on top to sneak his way into a cheap pinfall... and finally, he does get Lesnar's shoulders down, so the ref drops down to count. He only gets to one.
  
  Then, the bell rings. The hell?
  
  The ref immediately waves it off, saying he never called for the bell, and he's just as confused as the rest of us... as he's castigating the timekeeper, however, the depths of the Undertaker's depravity are revealed. Lesnar broke the Kimura as soon as the bell rang, and he is engrossed in the Ref vs. Timekeeper issue, completely unaware that the Undertaker is back to his feet.
   
  And then, the Undertaker is down on his knees, behind Lesnar, and uppercuts Brock right in the balls. For the third time. And for Taker, the third time IS the charm. Brock crumbles to the mat, and the ref restarts the match, and Taker locks in the Hell's Gate.
  
  Lesnar is defiant to the end. His last conscious action is flipping the middle finger to the ref, when the ref asks him is he wants to submit.
   
  But then, shortly thereafter, Lesnar is not conscious. The ref has no choice but to call for the bell, and award the submission victory to the Undertaker.
  
  Taker celebrates, briefly, but the reaction isn't exactly, ummmmm, conducive to celebration. It's not even that the fans latched onto Taker's low blow, and want to boo him... it's just that that was a messed up, confusing, hot mess of a stupid finish, and nobody likes it.
  
  WWE immediately goes into Ret Con Mode, saying that once the ref moved to check on Lesnar's shoulders, Taker "tapped out" and the timekeeper saw it, and rang the bell, even though the ref was checking on something else. This Ret Con expanded to include Taker's demeanor after the match, where he was giving off a vibe of "Holy crap, I just used every trick in the book, but I got my win," and the announcers sold it like he deeked the timekeeper by giving a false tap with the ref out of position, or something.
  
  All this, despite the fact that the timekeeper has never rung a bell without a ref calling for it in the history of pro wrestling, unless the timekeeper was operating with an agenda of his own. If this is something timekeepers can do, than EVERY REF BUMP EVER SHOULDN'T HAVE MATTERED, BECAUSE IF A GUY MAKES A COVER AND COUNTS TO THREE HIMSELF, THE TIMEKEEPER SHOULD JSUT RING THE BELL, BECAUSE HE SAW THE FINISH.
   
  And that's not how wrestling works. But apparently, somebody in WWE Creative picked tonight to get the "We're Not Wrestling, We're Entertainment" bug up his ass, because THAT silly finish was allowed to happen. If wrestling WAS entertainment, you might have something, because it's not an entirely lame idea on a sheet of paper; misguided, yes, but not without some redeeming qualities. But there aren't months of reshoots and recuts to fix mistakes-on-paper in wrestling. There are in TV and movies, but not in wrestling. Wrestling is wrestling, and this was a shitty wrestling idea as soon as you stop and think about how it will play in a one-take environment, in front of an audience (live and on The Network) of WRESTLING fans. Anybody working for WWE who says they didn't completely see this negative response coming is either lying, or very bad at their job.
   
  Maybe there's an out, if we wait till tomorrow. Maybe the Timekeeper DOES have an agenda this time. Or maybe WWE will invent an agenda once they see their entire fanbase shit all over that finish. But for now, it's a convoluted and crappy finish to a great match and a really good all-around night of action.
   
  Heyman does act as a bit of a surrogate for us, by acting just as upset by the finish.... but he's not upset at the fact that it was stupid, he's upset, because he thinks Lesnar won the match (and to be fair, on replays, they DID show Taker tapping out, with the ref out of position). And that's not exactly the same thing.
  
  Maybe the good that comes of this is that Lesnar now has a reason to demand a rematch from Taker... and an even bigger reason to attach a stipulation to it that will eliminate all doubt about who wins. Last Man Standing, Hell in a Cell, anything along those lines could be pretty sweet. But then, the question becomes: does Taker stick around and finish the trilogy in the short term, or do you milk the re-rematch till WrestleMania? Considering that I see no real reason to have Taker win the rubber match, my preference would be the former, and then reboot things so Taker has a WrestleMania match he can win (especially if it is to be his retirement match). But we're talking about a company that thought THAT was a valid finish to a PPV main event, so who knows what they're thinking....
  
  Taker's long gone, and the final image we see is Brock and Heyman, quite miffed, before we fade to.... a promo package for the next upcoming WWE Network Special, which will be a house show from Madison Square Garden, where Brock is gonna wrestle against TBD... and THEN we fade to black.... 

And so ends the show. The overwhelming majority of said show was really, really good. Not as good as last night's Takeover, mind you, but that's an unfair bar to set. The simple difference between a 2 hour show and a 4 hour one dictate that the Density of Awesomeness is gonna be lower...
 
But as a WWE show crafted for the mainstream, SummerSlam got it very right for almost the entire night. Until that finish. All the guys that you would expect to deliver, off the regular roster, did so (maybe Rusev/Ziggler whiffed due to the ending, and Orton/Sheamus was just played), and you added really excellent crossover involvement by both Amell (beating expectations as an in-ring performer) and Stewart (crazy cool swervy run-in). Maybe it's not quite ROck and Rousey at WM, but it's also really fun. 
 
But goddamned, that final 5 minutes is just sooooo bad. Because it was bad, but it was also confusing why WWE would allow something so obviously predestined to antagonize the fans to run. Taker getting a win after a low blow is all you need to make this story work. But it's almost like WWE conducted an internal survey to find the way to set up that low blow that would annoy the fans most effectively.
 
Do a low blow finish, string us along to the next chapter, and we're talking about how dramatic and fun that match was (even if it wasn't exactly "good" -- Taker was noticeably a step slower than Lesnar, and while he's looking better than he did 18 months ago, he does NOT look like he did 10 years ago -- it was well constructed in the same way that Taker/HHH and Taker/HBK WM matches were). Do THAT finish, where you have to "fix" things with post-match Ret Cons, with more to come tomorrow on RAW, and you've kinda screwed up. D'oh.
 
Anyone who's been with me for any length of time knows I have a bias towards the "last taste left in my mouth." In handing out a final grade, I'm gonna mitigate that a bit, for one reason: the post-match retcon illustrates that WWE will be more successful with this "fix" job than some other unconscienably stupid finishes. The heavily edited video packages will end up telling the story they want, and in the end, the actual finish of the actual match will fade away and be replaced by WWE's version of the story.
 
And if we accept that tonight's match was always just a means to an end (a third Rubber Match between Lesnar and Taker), and I do accept that's what it was, then more or less, mission accomplished.
 
Not accomplished TONIGHT, mind you. WWE failed spectacularly tonight. But accomplished in the future, once they can reshoot and recut things into video packages that un-stupid how stupid that finish was. You know, because WWE isn't wrestling. It's entertainment. Oy. [You know WWE, you can be BOTH without being awful at the wrestling part. And that's what really gets on my nerves on nights like tonight.]
 
So I won't apply some major penalty for that ending. I'm calling SummerSlam 2015 a B-grade show, which is probably more generous than I'd be for most A-minus shows that had an F-plus finish.
 
See you tomorrow night, for the RAW Recap. Supposedly, both Taker and Lesnar are hanging around for a bit (Taker is already promoted for a tour of Europe, next month, and WWE just unvieled the hype for the MSG House Show with Lesnar), and things could get better sooner than later....