Of course, what's "trying" for me is still a hellish and painful fugue state for Alan, so whatever support you've been lending to me, I hope you're shooting a thousand times as much good karma his way. He still needs it. Since I talked about the situation on Monday, he's already had a second surgery on his hip, and is still cloudy minded from the head trauma and the heavy drugs. It's getting to the point where my mention of doing "Scaia Family Christmas" in Texas is looking a bit optimistic... my brother probably won't be released rom the hospital by then, so we'll just scrap it and do it later.
 
That said, my plan is still to head down there and be there for Christmas, and then hang around to be my brother's houseboy for his recovery (so my mom, who lacks the work flexibility I have, can return home). That's why you are getting this PPV recap mere minutes after the show wraps up, and it'll be the same again tomorrow for the huge Jericho/Lesnar edition of RAW. 
 
My delayed recaps should be limited to the week or so after that, when WWE itself is known for mailing it in, over the holidays. By the 12/29 RAW (also slated to be a pretty big show, including Orton's return), I should be settled into my new digs in Ft. Worth, TX.
 
So that's probably more than you cared to know about that whole mess... here's everything you need to know about tonight's just-completed TLC $9.99-per-view, spun a billion times more artfully than Keller and the other hacks out there could ever dream of spinning it:

• On the Preshow. Paul Heyman was the guest, alongside the usual panel of Renee Young, Booker T, and Alex Riley. He brought a little something extra to all of the match previews, but obviously, his comments regarding Cena/Rollins were the best of the bunch (playing off his killer promo on Monday). Also, during that discussion, they revealed that Brock Lesnar is confirmed to defend his title at the Royal Rumble. But against whom? *DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN*
  
  Besides the standard useless filler, they snuck in three value-add segments.
  
  (1) Miz approached Naomi backstage, and basically told her that his offer of help expires tonight; Naomi doesn't trust Miz, but Miz pressed the right buttons about Jimmy Uso holding her back, before making a vague insinuation that if Miz wins tonight, they EVERYbody wins. But if Miz loses, then everything's off the table.
  
  (2) Dolph Ziggler answered your tweets. This was a cheap excuse to talk about Sting for a bit, and then Ziggler essentially promised that his ladder match against Luke Harper was going to be his new greatest match ever, so really, you'd have to be stupid to miss that, right?
  
  (3) The New Day (Big E and Kofi, with Woods sitting out) beat the Dust Brothers. This was actually a very solid, full length match; 12 minutes or so, complete with a dual layer Face in Peril and everything. Stardust's new secondary accent color for this month is bright neon green. I'm assuming it's because this PPV is brought to us by Mountain Dew?
  
  No cliffhanger, they just close out the preshow with a hype package and hard sell for Cena/Rollins.
  
  
• Opening Theme/Video Package/Pyro. And we're live for the PPV, proper, in Cleveland, OH. And also, it looks like I'll be 10 minutes behind live, by the time the show is over, because the video stream is once against stuttering and hanging. Not nearly as bad as last month's Survivor Series, but worse than it ever was before, so maybe that means WWE did get (and retain) a decent number of subscribers off the free month?
  
  Either that, or it's Time Warner's fault, which is why I'm absolutely 100% behind net neutrality, and so should you. The middlemen (cable and satellite providers) see the end coming, and will keep trying to squeeze whatever last blood they can from the stone, before all the leverage stands with content PRODUCERS, rather than the supply chain, if we don't let our voices be heard.
  
  But I digress. Cole & the Gang welcome us to the show, and we've also got the Spanish Announce Team/Table to work with, if you're interested.
  
  And then, we're starting things off with a bang...
  
  
• Dolph Ziggler beats Luke Harper in a Ladder Match, to become the new InterContinental Champion. Full boxing-style ring intros by Lilian, and Dolph gets a HUGE pop from his hometown fans. I mean, monsterous. Bell rings, and after each guy ducks the other's first punch, they just do a double take, and both dive out of the ring to get ladders into the ring.
  
  With four ladders in the ring, Harper finally decides that's enough, and he goes after Ziggler, catching him with a ladder shot, and then throwing him into the Timekeeper's Cubicle.  Just like that, Harper makes the first ladder climb of the match, about 90 seconds in. Ziggler has to dive in to make the save, pulling Harper down. But Harper responds by hitting a boot to the face, and then tossing Ziggler out of the ring.
  
  Harper builds a ladder bridge from the apron to the announce table, and although Dolph escapes the first attempt to powerbomb him through it, eh still gets planted with a sidewalk slam on the opposite side of the ring. Harper resumes climbing, and Ziggler once again makes the last second save... but then Harper drops him again, and dumps the ladder onto Ziggler, and it looked like it caught him right on the temple. Ouch.
  
  From there, Harper proceeds to just ram ladders into Ziggler, and Ziggler into ladders, including dropkicking a super tall ladder back into Dolph's face when Dolph was standing on the top rope (intending to ride the ladder down into Harper), and a Flying Goat Dive into a ladder and onto Ziggler (when Ziggler was trying to set up a ladder outside the ring). That last spot looked sick, and Harper actually looked like he got the worst of it.
  
  As such, Ziggler was first to his feet, and made his first ladder climb. Harper had to up-end the whole ladder to stop Dolph from getting the IC belt. Ziggler landed hard, and Harper was back on offense. And again, alot of it involved Dolph and ladder colliding in unpleasant fashion.
  
  It built up to Harper attempting to powerbomb Ziggler onto a ladder (in the ring, not the ladder bridge). Dolph flipped out, hit a superkick, but when he tried to follow up with the Fameasser, Harper hoisted him up, and hit the powerbomb, afterall. D'oh. A close up reveals disgusting red welts all over Ziggler's torso.
  
  You know that spot where you hook a guy's legs, while his neck is under the ropes, and then slingshot him, to clothesline his neck into the rope? Yeah, well, Harper did that, but with a ladder sandwiched in between. That's new.
  
  And it busted Ziggler open across the bridge of the nose. Refs put on the gloves, and trainers swarmed. Harper took the opportunity to make another climb... and he might have gotten the belt, except he chose the wrong ladder; he needed a taller one. So thanks to that, Ziggler had time to extract himself from the refs/trainers, and make the save before Harper could make the adjustment.
  
  Once again, Harper bounced back off the save, to regain control, and went for yet another powerbomb onto a ladder, but Ziggler flipped through, and turned it into facebuster into the ladder.
  
  That led to Dolph's first real convincing climb, and when Harper reached up to pull him down, Ziggler turned it into flying DDT off the ladder. Sweet.
  
  Dolph had designs on going up top, and riding a ladder down, but once again, Harper had the counter to that: he put a ladder over his head, and started spinning -- Terry Funk style -- driving Dolph's ladder back into his face.
  
  With Dolph back down on the mat, both guys had ladders, and startes swinging them at each other. Ziggler got the better of it, and Harper fell back, onto the ladder bridge (which served to remind us that it's still out there, unused).
  
  Dolph made a climb, and again, Harper just dumped the whole ladder over, rather than pull Ziggler down. Dolph landed hard again.
  
  Harper gets a tall ladder, sets it up... but then he sees Ziggler AGAIN going up top, with a ladder, intent on riding it down. So Harper turns to Ziggler, and tries to counter... but Ziggler puts all his energy into one last shove, and rides the ladder down, causing it to fall into the middle-of-the-ring ladder, creating a bridge, with Harper caught in the middle.
  
  That looked like it might have been the intended finish, but the alignment was just off center, so Harper wasn't convincingly trapped. Instead, Harper set up a second ladder next to Dolph's, climbed up alongside him, and ate a superkick. Harper crashed to the mat, and Ziggler reached up to grab the belt.
  
  Just an outstanding 20 minute spotfest, with creativity and ultra-violence in spades. Dolph's win and the hot hometown crowd added another layer of sizzle, too. I kind of thought Survivor Series put Ziggler "above" the IC Title (and I thought Harper could use a nice long reign to establish himself as a singles), but if Dolph gets put in spots like this, to have matches like this, this could be a case where he elevates the level of the IC Title, rather than backsliding to the level the belt has held in recent days.
  
  One match down, and it's definitely youtube worthy for the cheapskates among you!
  
  
• The Usos defeat Miz and Damien Sandow, by disqualification (so Miz/Sandow retain the WWE Tag Title). In addition to the stunt title belts, Sandow is now carrying around a tiny stunt Slammy, while Miz has the full sized version. The guy is just all-in on the silliness of his role, and it's hilarious.
  
  Miz starts, because it is his goal in life to deprive us of Sandow. Jey starts because.... uhhhh, I don't know why. I'd have figured Jimmy was itching to get at Miz, given his sleazing on his wife. But nope.
  
  For the most part, Miz gets his ass handed to him, and the Usos make a few frequent tags (Jimmy showing no signs of being any more upset at Miz than his brother).  Sandow mirrors everything, and gets huge cheers for it. The Usos hit a double team delayed suplex, and Sandow again busts out the headstand before suplexing himself, a replay of his ingenious spot on Monday.
   
  The Usos even make the suplex EXTRA-delayed, when Mizdow has trouble hitting the headstand. With the Usos watching and waiting, he finally hits it, and THEN they hit the suplex. They didn't want to make it all for naught. It was extra-delayed, and extra-hilarious.
  
  But when the Usos are distracted by Sandow's genius, Miz is able to regain control, and taunts the crowd by teasing that he's gonna tag Sandow in. But then he doesn't. Miz may be another Cleveland boy, but he's getting nothing but nuclear heat, and the fans are 1000% behind Mizdow.
  
  Miz keeps up with the methodical offense, and for as slow as it is, it never gets boring, thanks to Sandow. Finally, Jimmy makes the hot tag to Jey, but Miz refuses to make the corresponding move. As a result, Jey is able to go on a tear, leaving Sandow to keep on mirroring Miz's agony.
  
  Miz gets caught in a half-crab, gets a rope break, but before he can follow up, he eats a superkick. Jey goes up top, for the Superfly splash... but Miz rolls out of the ring, and demands to have the belts and his Slammy handed to him. He's just gonna walk out.
  
  Sandow follows him, collecting his props, too... and they start to leave. But Jey gets a running start, and flies over the top rope towards them. Miz pulls Sandow into harm's way (Aiden English is appalled by the anti-chivalry; APPALLED, I say!), and then just blatantly hits Jey in the head with his Slammy trophy.
  
  The ref has to call for the bell. Usos win by DQ, but Miz and Sandow retain the belts, in a amusing little 10 minute match, in which Sandow never once got tagged in. I can see them playing that up, and the eventual eruption whenever Sandow finally DOES come into the ring to win a tag title match HONESTLY will be gigantic. And it might be the thing that finally drives Miz over the edge.
  
  
• Backstage: Byron Saxton is standing by with Seth Rollins. Nothing much here, just another excuse for somebody to talk about Sting, and then Rollins drives home the point that he doesn't have to pin Cena, or make him submit. In other words, you actually can envision a scenario where Cena loses, which is the whole point of the past two weeks or so (Cena's been triple-powerbombed through tables TWICE by Rollins and the New Stooges).
  
  
• Big Show defeats Erick Rowan in a Stairs Match. Match starts, and Big Show just imposes his will, overpowering Rowan, and taking the match out of the ring. All of 60 seconds into the match, the ring steps make their first appearance, as Show whips Rowan into them.
  
  But when Show pauses to get the top segment of the stairs, and bring them into the ring, Rowan has time to recover, and baseball slides the steps into Show. He follows up by ramming the top segment into Show's head, then fetching the bigger bottom segment... and then another bottom segment... and a THIRD bottoms segment. And he sets them up in the aisle, basically creating a Wall of Stairs.
  
  But the little project allowed Show to recover. Rowan ate some more steps. Then some giant chops. Then the barricade by the Timekeeper's Cubicle. Then it's Show's turn to take some time on a construction project. He puts a bottom segment of steps up on the announce table. Hmmmm, that's a new one.
  
  Show further incapacitates Rowan by ramming a top segment into his ribs... but then he goes over and removes the steps from the announce desk, playfully asking, "What, you guys nervous?" first. The bottom segment of steps head into the ring. Rowan eats another shot from the top segment, then Show props the top segment up in the corner, in between the top and middle rope.
  
  Show bounces Rowan's head off the corner stairs. Then he does it again. Then a big clothesline, and Show goes for the bottom segment that he put in the middle of the ring, moments ago. His plan is to chokeslam Rowan onto them...
  
  But Rowan punches his way out, and then bodyslams Show onto the steps. Then Rowan gets the top segment out of the corner, climbs to the second rope, and drives tries to sandwich Show's skull between the two segments...
  
  But thankfully, Show rolls out of the way, and the stairs rebound back into his head. Rowan stumbles out of the ring... and he is woozy, standing in front of the Wall of Stairs.
  
  Big Show sees this, rolls out of the ring, and hits a big spear through the steps. He collects Rowan's carcass, rolls him into the ring, and has designs of using the top segment of steps... but Rowan kicks the stairs back into Show's face.
  
  This just makes Show angry, and he boucnes off the ropes, grabs Rowan by the throat, and hits the chokeslam onto the steps. When Rowan dares to get back to his feet, Show hits him with the WMD. Down goes Big Red. Show makes the cover, using the ring steps for the assist, not that he needed them.
  
  Right at 10 minutes, and while it dragged in spots, it was plenty violent and hard-hitting, and better than the live crowd gave it credit for. Then again, they were red hot for the entirety of the first two matches, so maybe it was more them taking a rest than them pro-actively shitting on this match? I don't know; I just feel like Show and Rowan put on a perfectly acceptable slobberknocker, and enjoyed it enough.
  
  
• John Cena beats Seth Rollins in a Tables Match, and is still the #1 Contender to Brock Lesnar's WWE Title. Wow, for the second time in three months, Cena cedes the main event to Dean Ambrose. I thought it was definitely the right move at Hell in a Cell, but I sorta assumed they'd give Cena the top spot tonight. Espcially after the preshow pretty much annointed this as the main event, while Ambrose/Wyatt was presented as being a notch below. But nope. And I dunno, but it almost makes me feel like that ALSO adds to the "you can actually envision a scenario where Cena loses," which is a good thing.
  
  Ambiguity and uncertainty are good things when it comes to pro wrestling! So with me truly suspending disbelief, let's settle back and see what happens...
  
  As expected, Rollins is joined by Noble and Mercury (we'll see how long they hang around before the ref ejects them). Not expected, Paul Heyman decides to come out and watch this match, up close, seeing as how its outcome impacts his client, Brock Lesnar.
  
  Bell rings, and Cena's off to a fast start -- although it's a pretty much 50/50 cheers-to-boos split -- until Noble jumps up on the apron to create a distraction. Rollins can only follow up for a bit, before Cena bounces out of a corner with a big clothesline.
  
  Cena goes for the first table of the match, and gets it into the ring... but then the New Stooges yank the table out, before he can do anything with it. Off that distraction, Rollins is back in control for a bit. But when Rollins goes for a table, he gives Cena enough time to recover, and follow him out of the ring.
  
  Cena gets the better of the fisticuffs. He throws Rollins into the ring, and then puts the table in there, too. But again the Stooges intercede, and their distraction allows Rollins to regain command.
  
  A minute or so later, Cena rallies again, and is about to powerbomb Rollins. In come the Stooges, and they actually kick Cena in the gut to break that up. The ref runs them out of the ring, but does NOT eject them. Yet.
  
  Rollins is in control, again, and for the first time, he actually gets a table set up. It's the propped-up-in-the-corner style table. As the fans play "Let's Go Cena"/"Cena Sucks," Rollins puts the boots to Cena, softening him up. But when he finally tries to toss Cena into the table, Cena drops down and slides, and pops up to begin the Five Moves of Doom.
  
  But as he poses for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, the Stooges hit the ring and attack. Even though they take Cena out with punches and kicks, the ref is apparently gonna let it slide. Even though the precedent is there for ejecting extra players in No DQ matches, Chioda's not gonna go that route.
  
  It allows Cena to play Superman, fighting out of an attempted Triple Powerbomb, and isolating on Jamie Noble long enough to suplex him onto a ladder, effectively "writing him out." But it's still 2-on-1, for a a bit... Superman Cena gets separation from Rollins, and focuses on Joey Mercury, finally F-U'ing him into the Timekeeper's Cubicle. Both Stooges down.
  
  But the effort to get things back to 1-on-1 took their toll on Cena, and now, Rollins is firmly in command. He puts the boots to Cena, and then sets up a double-wide/two-table dealy outside the ring. He attempts to suplex Cena through it, but Cena counters.
  
  The two head back into the ring, and start trading haymakers. Cena's getting the better of it, before Rollins ducks under one and hits his inverted blockbuster thingie. But when he goes to whip Cena into the propped-up corner table, Cena over-powers him, and tosses Rollins out of the ring.
  
  Now, Cena decides to introduce a SECOND table into the ring, but in so doing, he takes some extra time, and Rollins comes at him with the MitB Briefcase. He wallops Cena with it repeatedly. Then, Rollins takes that second table, and sets it up, mid-ring.
  
  Resetting: now we've got two tables in the ring, and the double-wide outside the ring. Got it? Good.
  
  Rollins gloats and taunts, but when he finally hoists Cena up, Cena comes to life, and picks Rollins up for the F-U.... in desperation, Rollins grabs the top rope, and when Cena pulls and pulls, and finally gets Rollins off the ropes, Rollins' feet hit the ref, and the he tumbles out of the ring.
  
  As such, the ref is unconscious when Cena catches Rollins on the top rope (after a kick-ass exchange where Rollins set up for a table curb stomp), and turns it into a second rope F-U through the table.
  
  Cena thinks he won the match, but there's no ref. Suddenly, the Stooges strike. They attack Cena, and then clear out the evidence of the table spot. Then, they help set up for a triple powerbomb through another table...
  
  But Cena fights out... Rollins is tossed out of the ring, and Cena hits a killer double F-U on both Joey and Jamie (one stacked on top of the other), though a table. That was awesome.
  
  Rollins rejoins the fight, and it's once again back and forth punchy-kicky. It ends with both guys trading blows out on the apron... and then both noticing that the double-wide tables are right below them. They each grab to throw the other into the tables at the same time... and they both fly through the tables at the same time.
  
  And right in front of Chioda who had picked that moment to finally get up on one knee and start paying attention again.
  
  Another pair of refs show up, and they do a tease, where one thinks Rollins hit the tables first, and the other says Cena... but in the end, it was a tie, and Chioda just decides to restart the match.
  
  Rollins pounces as soon as the bell rings, and seems to have the edge. But when he goes for a big plancha, he lands hard, and Cena immediately F-Us him onto the announce table. But the table does not break, so Rollins lives on.
  
  As Cena sets up another table in the middle of the ring, Big Show comes out to the ring, and puts a stop to that. He's about to chokeslam Cena through a table when the Shield's music fires up.
  
  Here comes Roman Reigns, through the crowd. He's sporting a slightly modified look, with silver accents on top of the black, but otherwise, he's the same guy we last saw back in August.
  
  Reigns gets to the ring, trades a few punches with Big Show, but as soon as he gets separation, he comes at Show with the Superman Punch. Then, he spears Show through a table.
  
  When Rollins tries to come at Reigns with the MitB Briefcase, he lands another Superman Punch, causing Rollins to stumble backwards into the waiting arms of Cena. F-U through a table, and it's all over.
  
  A full 25 minutes (albeit with the little 3 minute false finish taking up a decent chunk of that), and damned entertaining. Great use of the Stooges to create genuinely believable moments where Rollins was on the brink of victory. And in the end, I think most of us saw the run-in coming, but it was well executed... I applaud the inclusion of Big Show at the end, as it gives Reigns a focus for his return (instead of having to feed Rollins to him).
  
  I actually was championing the idea of Orton doing the run-in, not Reigns, for that very reason... but without getting into my whole argument (you can go read it in the Forums, if you want), Show's inclusion assuages my concerns. So good for that. And good for the whole match. A pure workrate masterpiece? Not even close. But one hell of a Sports Entertainment Spectacle, which is nothing to turn one's nose up at. These two didn't just let Ziggler walk away with Match of the Night honors.
  
  And perhaps the roster as a whole has just decided to nut up and not let NXT walk away with Best Show of the Week honors. Because goddamned, NXT Takeover was freaking excellent.
  
  
• Backstage: Saxton has an interview with the Bellas. The long and short of it is that blood is thicker than water, and that's why Brie is so totally behind her sister. Was she really cheesy and over-the-top on purpose (foreshadowing a turn), or just not all that great an actor? STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT!!!!
  
  
• Nikki Bella defeats AJ Lee to retain the Women's Title. Bell rings, and Nikki dives out of the ring to "warm up" with some push-ups. As soon as she actually joins the fight, AJ sends her out of the ring, by force. But on the trip back into the ring, we get the standard cat-and-mouse role reversal, and just like that, Nikki is on top after about 90 seconds.
  
  Heel beatdown is on, with an apparently focus on AJ's lower back, including a pretty vicious looking spot where Nikki bent AJ around the ring post in a way in which humans are not meant to bend. Of course, Pervy Lawler ruins it by saying "Wow, she's bendy" in a winkwink-nudgenudge voice.
  
  Nikki's follow up includes submission moves in which she plants a knee in AJ's back, and then just pulls back on other body parts. First, the arms. Then, the chin. Not exactly exciting, but it all makes sense.
  
  Out of one of these moves, AJ counters out, and tries to cinch in the Black Widow. She can't quite get it all the way, so she settles for turning it into a back slide and a near fall.
  
  Both girls up, both girls go for a clothesline, both girls down. Ref applies the double count, and AJ is first to her feet, at 7.
  
  AJ's en feugo, getting a near fall off a neckbreaker, and another off a tornado DDT. Nikki gets a near fall when she catches AJ coming in for a corner charge, and instead hits a big kick. But then when Nikki tries to follow up, AJ counters it into a bulldog.
  
  Then, AJ hits the Shining Wizard... but she's too close to the ropes, and Brie is able to reach in and put Nikki's foot over the bottom rope. The ref sees this, and ejects Brie...
  
  But as he does, he completely misses Nikki pulling a spray bottle (hairspray, I guess? or is she bringing back Rick Martel's old gimmick of spraying perfume in people's eyes?) and blinding AJ. Ref turns back around, and sees Nikki hit the Rack Attack. Done and done, Nikki retains.
  
  Serviceable little 8 minute match. Now to see if this is a write out for AJ, or if she's sticking around. The buzz on the street is that it could very well be the former.
  
  
• Backstage: Tom the New Guy interviews Roman Reigns. He's still not exactly tearing things up on the mic, as he stiltedly hits a few lines about how he's officially entering himself into the Royal Rumble match, and if you thought he was impressive last year, wait till you see him this year. He's really giving the Bellas a run for their money in terms of promo skills!
  
  
• Ryback beats Kane in a Chairs Match. Bell rings with both guys wielding chairs. They both swing away, Kane getting the better of it. Kane sets up a chair in the corner, and tries to whip Ryback into it. Ryback reverses that whip, and goes to town.
  
  Big Marching Powerslam about 90 seconds in. Splash off the second rope. Then again. And a third time. Then Ryback grabs a chair, and swings away at Kane's torso.
  
  Then he goes all the way to the top rope for a splash, and Kane gets his knees (and the chair) up, so Ryback takes those right to the gut. A few swings of the chair by Kane, then he hits a chair-assisted Snake Eyes on Ryback, for a near fall.
  
  That chair is busted, so he goes out of the ring to grab another one. Kane goes for a vertical suplex onto the chair, but Ryback powers out. Kane changes plans, and turns it into a DDT onto the chair. Close near fall.
  
  Grumbles of boos and nascent "boring" chants are heard (but probably not entirely deserved), as Kane continues his offensive onslaught. Kane sets up for a chokeslam into a chair, but Ryback escapes, and Kane settles for a big boot. Another near fall.
  
  Ryback counters a corner charge by catching Kane with a belly-to-belly suplex, but can't follow up. Kane once again goes to town with chairshots to the torso. Wicked-sounding ones, too. But the live crowd is intent on being unamused, I guess.
  
  Kane tosses a half-dozen chairs into the ring, but decides on using only two (facing each other). Kane tries to chokeslam Ryback though the double-chair platform, but Ryback counters it, and slams Kane though the chairs.
  
  Ryback steps back, and calls for the Meathook, but instead, Kane throws a chair right at Ryback's head. Ouch. Flash chokeslam by Kane, but Ryback kicks out at two.
  
  Kane is frustrated, but finally decides to go for another chair-assisted chokeslam. Ryback sneaks out the back door, shoves Kane into the ropes, and catches him coming off with the Meathook. Shellshock, and just like that, it's over.
  
  At 10 full minutes, I concur that this was overlong for what they had up their sleeves. That was an awfully long trip to get to where everybody knew we were going. But it also wasn't boring or boo-worthy... point a finger at whoever laid out the show, and made this twice as long as it had to be. But both Kane and Ryback put in solid work.
  
  
• Rusev defeats Jack Swagger to retain the US Title. Yikes, I'd forgotten this one was even on the card. And they're putting it HERE? Two matches with foregone conclusions that nobody cares about, and you put them back-to-back, AFTER letting the first one run twice as long as it should have?!? That's not wise.
  
  Sensing the need to keep the crowd from mutinying again, Swagger's music interrupts Lana before she can get three words in, edgewise. Then, inspired by poor Zeb's Delicate Condition (he actually did have for-real surgery, although they attributed his injures to Rusev, for storyline purposes), Swagger just took the fight to Rusev, all indignant and fiery.
  
  Until he went for a Swaggerbomb, and whiffed on it. A stiff kick and a few other moves, and Rusev locks in the Camel Clutch, all of 2 minutes in.
  
  It looks for all the world like they're going to do the same old "Swagger passes out, but does not tap out" finish, but Swagger finds enough energy to power out, and cinch in the anklelock.
  
  Rusev almost immediately gets a rope break, and pulls himself out of the ring. Swagger follows, and eats another savate kick. Swagger barely beats the count back into the ring, but eats a third kick, and is once again caught in the Camel Clutch. This time, there is no escape.
  
  Rusev retains in a 4 minute match that was much more appropriately structured to accomplish its intended goal than the preceding one. I'm not saying it was good (it would have been instantly forgettable even on any random Monday night), but they didn't give the crowd any chance to catch its breath to notice this fact. I guess that's not nothing.
  
  
• Bray Wyatt defeats Dean Ambrose in a Tables Ladders and Chairs Match. Despite Bray's attempt to turn fans against him, the "fireflies" are out tonight, just two weeks after Bray said they were nothing more than "moths." I had a feeling that wouldn't work.
  
  But as soon as the lights come on, Ambrose jumpstarts things by chucking a ladder out over the top rope and onto Bray's head. The brawl heads up the aisle, then back down, and the crowd is vocally behind Ambrose. So maybe they like Bray's entrance more than they like Bray. I can see that.
  
  On the return voyage, the two brawl past the ring, pausing for a bit for Ambrose to throw Bray into the heavily trafficked Timekeeper's Cubicle. I don't blame them; who among us wouldn't want a chance to accidentally end up in Lilian Garcia's lap?
  
  But then, they continue into the crowd, brawling all the way up to the set for the preshow. Though it's now dark, Ambrose gains command, and does his "run across the table" attack, but using the desk used by the preshow panel. That gets a deserved "This is awesome" chant.
  
  Ambrose herds Wyatt back to the ring, peppering him with punches, all the way. At this point, Ambrose goes for toys. Some chairs, a table is set up outside the ring, and then he finds a few kendo sticks. Wyatt has gotten his wits back about him, but he just gets up on his knees and dares Ambrose to use the kendo stick, calling back to their last match, where Wyatt convinced Ambrose to get himself disqualified.
  
  But there are no DQs, here, so Ambrose swings away with stiff-ass cane shot. Sick. Then, he sets up a chair, sits Wyatt down in it, and uses the stick to choke Wyatt out. He thinks he's done enough damage that he can go up top and hit a big move... but Bray gets up out of the chair, at the last second, and hits a big uppercut, sending Ambrose flying off the top rope through the table that had been set up at ringside.
  
  As Wyatt settles in for the heel beatdown, the fans are booing, and totally behind Ambrose. So the moths are in full force, afterall.
  
  Wyatt wedges a kendo stick into the top turnbuckle, sticking out towards mid-ring. And then he drives Ambroses' head into the tip of the stick... Ambrose sells it like a man who just lost an eye. And one could very easily believe it. Vicious.
  
  Wyatt steps outside, and brings a ladder into the ring. He hits Ambrose with it a few times, then sets Ambrose on top of it, so he can hit his running senton. First near fall of the match, and it's a convincing one... but Ambrose is out at two.
  
  A little bit of kendo damage, then Wyatt goes back to the ladder, propping it up in a corner, and then whipping Ambrose into it... but when he tries to follow it up with an avalanche splash, Ambrose moves out of the way. Wyatt eats the ladder, which remains propped in the corner.
  
  Ambrose drives Wyatt into the ladder again, and hits a bulldog coming out of the corner. No cover, though. Ambrose uses the ladder to create a platform across the top turnbuckle, and then gets on top of it to hit a big double sledge. He wedges Wyatt between the ropes (legs outside, but his torso inside, with his arms wrapped back outside, over the top rope). A few chairshots in that position, then a guillotine legdrop.
  
  Ambrose is feeling confident, and sets up for Dirty Deeds... but Bray counters out of it, into position for Sister Abigail. Ambrose's turn to escape, but when he bounces off the ropes, Wyatt catches him with a big clothesline.
  
  They take the fight back outside, where Ambrose regains control by doing his own Bounceback Clothesline, but modified by bouncing off the ring apron, instead of off the ropes. Ambrose takes things back up the entrance aisle, where there are all kinds of tables, ladders, and chairs set up for decoration.  But Ambrose puts them to use.
  
  He finally lays Wyatt out on a table, then climbs to the top of an extra tall ladder. He leaps off, and hits a big elbow drop through Bray and the table. That gets a "Holy Shit" chant. It also gets a mild "One More Time" chant...
  
  And Ambrose is going to oblige? Holy shit, indeed.
  
  Dean sets up for it.... and he hits it. This time, the crowd skips the "Holy Shit" and goes straight to "One More Time," because Ambrose is just crazy enough to do it.
  
  But no, Ambrose decides to drag Wyatt back towards the ring, selling his own ribs, the whole way. And in fact, when Ambrose gets Bray into the ring, he drops down to a knee to hold those ribs... when he gets up and walks towards Wyatt, he walks into a flash Sister Abigail.
  
  Ambrose just barely kicks out at two. Wyatt is momentarily frustrated, but goes back for a second one. Ambrose escapes and turns it into a small package. Two.
  
  Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds out of nowhere. Also only a two.
  
  It's the 20 minute mark, and both guys are down and moving slowly. Wyatt decides to roll out of the ring to regroup, but Ambrose is finally able to follow. He drops Wyatt with a punch, and goes back under the ring to look for more toys...
  
  And in addition to some more ladders and tables, he finds a monitor (used by the ring crew, we are told)... Dean looks at the little mini-TV, and then he looks at the Big TitanTron. Back at the TV. Back at the Tron.
  
  Suddenly, the crowd latches onto the idea that Ambrose is thinking about doing something Tron-related. But for starters, Ambrose just goes for a super-duper-mega-tall ladder, and brings it over near the two announce tables. He sets it up, and politely asks the Spanish Announcers to get lost. He clears their table, and he goes to fetch Wyatt.
  
  But sho 'nuff, Wyatt's had plenty of time to recover, and greets Ambrose with a chairshot.  He punishes Ambrose with the chair, and then goes for that Trachea Blaster from a week ago on SmackDown... Ambrose blocks it, and actually hits the Trachea Blaster on Wyatt.
  
  Damage done, and brings Wyatt back to the Spanish Announce Table. Sets him on top of it. Climbs up the 30 foot ladder. And THERE is your third elbow drop, people!
  
  "Holy shit," is right.
  
  But if the second one did damage to Ambrose's ribs, the third one saw him land awkwardly, with his hip hitting the edge of the table. So he stays down, too.
  
  Both men start stirring at the same time, with Bray actually thowing headbutts as Ambrose throws a few punches. It's a back and forth exchange, with both guys flat on their asses.
  
  Ambrose finally gets the slightest edge, and decides to use the monitor as a weapon... he wants to whack Wyatt in the face with it, but it's corded, and the cord does not break on the first try.
  
  So Ambrose steps back, and tries extra hard to yank it free... and it explodes in his face. Well, "explodes" is a strong word, but there's a pop, a bunch of sparks, and a puff of smoke, and it was right in his face. So let's all just go along with the notion that Ambrose is blinded.
  
  Wyatt sees this, and takes advantage with a Sister Abigail. One. Two.
  
  And three.
  
  I had it at 28 minutes, and enjoyed every second of it. They took Cena/Rollins' Sports Entertainment Spectacle, and at least matched it. Ambrose, especially, just gave an off the charts gutsy performance. But it probably didn't quite match the opener for overall quality.
  
  But it sure as hell completed the trilogy of excellence, and might even be the runner-up.
  
  After the match, Wyatt knelt over Ambrose, and mocked him, knowing that Ambrose was blind. Ambrose kept reaching up, but Wyatt was able to avoid him, while continuing to taunt.
  
  When Bray had had enough, he walked away, and we shot it back up to the Preshow Panel for their closing thoughts (nothing of value was added)... then, as Ambrose got back to his feet, and regained his sight, he started destroying some of the ringside furniture.
  
  So we cut back to Cole & The Gang for a bit of closure. This included Ambrose's music playing, as he "celebrated" his loss, before, himself, departing.
  
  But then, our final image for the night was hype for Cena vs. Lesnar at the Royal Rumble, courtesy of a reminder of Cena's win, earlier in the night. So in a way, Cena WAS the main event afterall, since we're talking about him as we fade to black....
  

And so ends the show. Actually, maybe the PPV itself -- the version that will be released on DVD -- ended with Wyatt walking away from the ring... the rest might have been "bonus coverage" for those of us on the Network. As such, I won't even pretend to raise any wankery indignation over that last little coda.
 
Instead, I'll just hand to to the top three matches. Everything I could have expected or asked for, and more. I give the nod to Ziggler/Harper, with Ambrose/Wyatt and Cena/Rollins still extremely entertaining. Not a single real "wrestling match" among them, but given the nature of this PPV as a purely stipulation driven event, were you expecting anything else?
 
All three of those matches included creativity, drama, and violence out the yin-yang... and somehow, they managed to do it without stepping on one another's toes, or having the highspots and props overstay their welcome. That's some good work, there, boys. [/wiggum]

I figure, sure, there may be some wrestling purists out there who can muster up some kind of disappointment in the show. But I do believe I can speak for the other 99% of us who have made the transition over to a broader vision of "wrestling" that includes pure spectacles like these three matches. And we all loved them. 
 
We may still have our standards, and not cop to the parts of "sports entertainment" that suck, but tonight was a really, really good show, thanks to those three matches.
 
In between? I enjoyed the first lull (tag titles, and Show/Rowan) for what it was: a bit of comedy in the first, and a wicked slobberknocker in the second. The second lull (AJ/Nikki, Ryback/Kane, Rusev/Swagger) was, however, a noticeable Vortex of Bland, at best. The overlong-ness of Ryback/Kane drew attention to this fact, too, generating (not-quite-deserved) boos and boring chants.
 
And even I'm still tolerating the show at home, that live crowd mutiny does still register, and saps a bit of my own patience, too.
 
So in that respect, TLC fell a bit short of perfection. It can't even claim to be Show of the Week, because NXT's latest version of Takeover was just that damned strong... seriously, if you have the Network, but didn't watch it, go watch it now. Top to bottom awesome sauce. Granted, they only had to fill 2 hours, not 3. But when NXT even manages to present a stupid squash match that has redeeming values, you KNOW they're nailing it.
 
But just because TLC wasn't as good as the second-best major event of the year (which Takeover was!) doesn't mean it wasn't a lot of fun, itself. And just to be clear: I will take two shows that are this good, in the same week, and not complain one bit.
 
Now, here's to the day when WWE gets its act together, and that week happens EVERY week, and the two shows in question are RAW and SmackDown, instead of requiring the convergence of a monthly PPV and a quarterly NXT show.
 
Tonight's TLC earns a very commendable grade of B-plus from this corner. Even the lag/stutter issue didn't turn out to be as bad as it originally seemed like it'd be. [But it's still something that I'd like to see put back to pre-November levels of reliability.]
 
Tomorrow night has Chris Jericho as Guest GM of RAW, with a rare appearance by Brock Lesnar (to address his title defense at the Rumble), so I'm hoping it carries over for another night. Maybe even for a third night, because SmackDown is live on Tuesday. Only then will WWE settle in for the holiday halfassery (where even RAW is taped for one week, I believe).
 
But again, B-plus tonight, and a lot of promise for tomorrow. I'll see you again in 24 hours with the RAW recap, kids!