Same rant, different target, today. Because you know what's worse than the entire multiverse deciding to fondly remember Derek Jeter as we inch towards the end of the season?
 
The handful of loud, shouty mantwats who feel compelled to use their energy cluelessly railing against the positive coverage, because Jeter's having a poor offensive year and was never really all that good defensively. Way to miss the point, dumdums. And also, way to join the U2 complainers in being just as many orders of magnitude more ludicrous than the thing you're complaining about.
 
Now that I've got that off my chest, let's get down to business. Your here because you want to know what happened at the just-completed Night of Champions 2014 pay-per-view. I'll spin that yarn for you:

• On the Preshow. Well, so I fired up the ol' Network at about 25 after 7, and the preshow was already going on. Apparently, WWE decided to start it at 7:00 and didn't bother making this information worth knowing.
  
  Luckily, the joke's on them, because I called a friend, who said that the preshow had absolutely zero content for the first half-hour, so I was right, and only the suckers tuned in early. Actually, that was  the second guy I called who said that. The first friend I called also had no idea the preshow had already started. You might want to lock that down, WWE; not just the lack of awareness, but the lack of any compelling reason to be aware.
  
  Once the clock turned to 7:30, the value-added portion of the program included: (1) a backstage interview with Goldust and Stardust (conducted by Goldust's old tag partner, Booker T, for added comedy) acting delightfully freaky, (2) Paige crashing the Preshow Stage during the panel discussion of the Women's Title match to belittle both Nikki and Paige, and (3) a recap of Roman Reigns' successful hernia surgery, featuring exclusively Vine videos, because this is totally legitimate journalism (FYI: he'll still be out on the order of months, not weeks, since a hernia is something you can't rehab, you can only wait it out).
  
  Then the main drawing card of the Preshow was the return of Christian and the Peep Show, with Chris Jericho as the guest. Jericho comes out already dressed to wrestle, so I guess we know what'll be the opening match. Ahem. But then Jericho almost immediately takes us on the trip down memory lane, back to when he and Christian were partners and tag team champions. Jericho also immediately starts taking credit for their success, which results in some humorous riffing by both guys. Jericho claims to have "outranked" Captain Charisma, because he is actually "General Jocularity." Christian counters by making fun of Jericho's lack of pants. On my scorecard: Advantage, Christian.
  
  Then discussion turns to tonight's match between Jericho and Randy Orton, and the two get chummy again, as Christian admits he doesn't think much of Orton. He's just Triple H's lapdog. All of a sudden, Randall shows up on the Titantron, faux laughing at the hijinx. Then HE gets serious, too, claiming he's the reason why Christian's retired, and claiming he'll be the reason why Jericho never appears on WWE TV again except for "Total Divas." Jericho responds by saying he'll send Orton to his own new show "Total Jackasses," and closes with an intense rant about how he'll vanquish the Viper and perform many other Aliterative Acts.
  
  And on that, Jericho walks away and Cole does a final hard sell for the PPV. So, uhhhhh, I guess I lose that bet about Jericho/Orton opening the show, and the Peep Show providing our cliffhanger? Whoops.
  
  
• Opening Video/Theme/Etc.: the introductory hype package talks about the "making of a champion," with clips of molten steel and the forging of the physical WWE Title belt interspersed. Prologue to "Lord of the Rings," it isn't, but message received.
  
  And then we're live in Nashville, TN, and Cole & The Gang welcome us to the show, and shoot it down to the ring for our first title defense of the night...
  
  
• Goldust and Stardust beat the Usos to become the NEW Tag Team Champions. During ring entrances, we're reminded of Jey Uso's knee injury, but the subtext is "Jey CLAIMS it's 100%, but we really don't know." Also, new ring gear for Stardust, with more black and less gold, and blue added as an accent color. Goldust has new facepaint, lots more black and no more Darth Maul.
  
  Goldust starts for his team, and immediately ends up on the short end of the stick. Jimmy and Jey get a few tags in before Goldust manages a tag to Stardust. Usos don't miss a step, continuing to hold the advantage. The one time Cody seems to be rallying, the Usos execute a blind tag and regain control.
  
  A few minutes in, Goldust gets a cheapshot in while Stardust is distracting the ref. That turns the tide. Jey Uso becomes a mini/decoy Face in Peril for a bit, but gets a Warm Tag to Jimmy at about the 6 minute mark. Jimmy hits a few moves, but when it spills outside, he loses focus on the legal man (Goldust) to hit a big crossbody on Stardust. Goldust then catches him with a hard slam on the floor, and the heel beatdown is on.
  
  Crowd's into it, trying to will Jimmy on with dueling "OOH"/"SO" chants. He gives 'em a few hope spots here and there. A particularly effective one has Jimmy build up to an attempted Samoan Drop, but Stardust slides out and turns it into a neckbreaker.
  
  But mostly, it's one-sided, with frequent tags and the ring cut in half for about 5 minutes. Then they did a nice tease spot where Jimmy had to go all triple-reversey before hitting an enzuigiri on the third try on Goldust.
   
  Hot tag to Jey, corresponding move to Stardust. Jey, looking for knee-related revenge, wraps Stardust's leg around the ring post a few times. Goldust tries to come to the rescue, but Jimmy takes him out with a suicide dive. Jey continues the onslaught, hitting a Samoan Drop. Goldust has to come in to break up that fall. Jimmy again comes in and powders out with Goldust, but the damage is done.
   
  Stardust has Jey tied up in the ropes, and takes off one of his gloves, using it to slap Jey. [cue "Glove Slap" from the tomacco episode of "The Simpsons"] Jimmy again to the rescue, and this time, it completely breaks down into a Pier Four Brawl.
  
  Jimmy and Stardust wind up outside the ring, at which point Goldust gets a running start and hits his cannonball senton off the apron, while Jey takes out Stardust with another plancha. Jey thinks he's got things under control and rolls Cody back into the ring... then he goes up top for a Superfly Splash.
  
  But Stardust gets his knees up, and Jey crashes hard. Stardust slides over for a flash roll-up, and gets the three count. New champs.
  
  Just about 15 minutes even, and quite solid; fast paced and hard hitting (Goldust even started bleeding at some point). Usually don't see heels winning an opener (conventional wisdom is you do a crowd pleaser to prime the pump), but for my money, the Dust Brothers are deserving champs after a very good match. Love the Usos, but they'd kind of run out of fresh challengers... Goldust and Stardust can keep feuding with the Usos for a month, and then we can explore babyface challengers (by then, I fully expect Big Show and Henry's team to be a going concern again).
  
  
• Sheamus defeats Cesaro to retain the US Title. Old school back and forth feeling out to start, with Sheamus actually out-chain-wrestling Cesaro. So Cesaro resorts to not breaking clean in the ropes. Cesaro's bitchslap just makes Sheamus angry. Less than 2 minutes in, Sheamus hits his signature running senton for a convincing near fall.
  
  But when he tries for the Ten of Clubs, Cesaro is able to counter it and takes control. Sheamus does not make it easy for him, however, just randomly firing off hard punches or kicks for multiple momentum-killing hope spots. Cesaro finally rips off enough offense that he uppercuts Sheamus out of the ring, and decides to stand back and take the count out.
   
  Bzzzzt. Nice try, Tony. Sheamus is back up on the apron by 7, so Cesaro drags him the rest of the way in, and is pro-active in terms of sustaining the advantage. He eventually builds up to a sleeperhold.
   
  But the curse of the resthold is that the babyface always (ALWAYS~!) fires up out of it. So Sheamus does, and starts a rally at the 7 minute mark. About 90 seconds into that, Cesaro snuffs that out with a clothesline so stiff that even JBL complimented it.
  
  But then Sheamus counters an Irish Whip and pulls Cesaro in for an Irish Curse. Then, in one fluid motion, he pulls him back up and turns it into a double-clutch Irish Curse. Now, it's time for the Ten of Clubs!
   
  Nope, just 3 of them, and then Cesaro powers out again, and hits a big boot to Sheamus' face. Cesaro goes up top, but Sheamus catches him and hits a.... wow, I don't know what to call that, but it was impressive; he grabbed both of Cesaro's arms and flipped him off the top rope into a sort of sit-out powerbomb.
  
  But it only gets 2. Sheamus sells frustration, and we enter back-and-forth mode. Cesaro with an Elevation Uppercut. Also a 2. Sheamus with White Noise. And it's only a 2. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick, but Cesaro ducks and turns it into a Neutralizer.
   
  But it's only a 2! Cesaro sets up for a second one, but Sheamus escapes. Crisscross rope run, and Sheamus goes for another Brogue, but Cesaro ducks AGAIN. Then he hoists Sheamus up and hits a.... wow, again, not sure what to call that, but it was cool. Sort of a Torture Rack into a Powerbomb.
   
  But it's STILL only a 2! Cesaro wastes a moment or two selling frustration as the crowd starts going nuts with "This is Awesome" chants. He turns back to Sheamus, and just starts laying in with uppercut after uppercut. He backs Sheamus into a corner, and the ref has to pull Cesaro back.
   
  So Cesaro stepped back for about 7 nanoseconds to break the count and then goes back to uppercut after uppercut. He has to step back to break the count again, and this time, Sheamus -- slumped in a corner -- does the old "That all you got? C'mon, I can take it" gesture.
   
  Cesaro is not impressed, and this time, he comes in with body blows, and again the ref has to pull him back. This time, the second there's separation, Sheamus musters up one last burst of energy and comes out of the corner with a Brogue Kick. It hits. And it's enough for the three count.
   
  Sheamus retains in a damned fine 12 minute match. That's definitely the best they've delivered in six or seven months of not-quite-full-on feuding (WWE's treated it more as a fallback plan that whole time, never investing 100% effort into it). Selfishly, I suspect that they can do even better, but after this effort, only a prick would complain. That was some hard hitting, intense action; I don't see how somebody could have just watched that and not believed they just saw one hell of a fight.
  
  
• Backstage: Mark Henry is getting ready for his match, and Big Show walks in. Show provides a pep talk. He says Henry's gonna have 318 million tag team partners tonight, and then gives him a present: a red, white, and blue singlet that Show claims comes from "a friend of a friend."
   
  Is it wrong that my first thought was "Hey, that looks like Kurt Angle's old gear"?
  
  
• Miz defeats Dolph Ziggler to become the NEW IC Champion. So, Florida-Georgia Line -- a nu-country music act for those of you who, like me, are not particularly well versed in the genre -- are sitting in on guest commentary for this one? Not to be a dick, but wouldn't that sort of flamboyantly red-state type of thing have fit in better during the Rusev/Henry match? NASCAR, handguns, God (but only the white Christian one, not any of those bullshit ones believed in by the heathen majority of planet earth), and USA USA USA~!
  
  Stunt Doubles are once again in full effect, Sandow with Miz, and Truth with Ziggler.
  
  Fast start for Dolph, as he gets the full 10 Elbow Heartstopper in just minutes into the match. But then Miz rolls out to regroup, and uses the little break to clothesline Ziggler's neck over the top rope.
   
  Thus beginulates Miz's beatdown. It's Miz's usual, fairly basic stuff, but between Sandow's douchey cheerleader act and Dolph's flashy hope spots, the crowd stays vested.
  
  One particuarly effective/extended hopespot spills outside, where Dolph introduces Miz to the ringside barricade. Dolph tosses Miz back into the ring, but before he can follow, Sandow interferes, and drops Ziggler with a right hand.
   
  Truth comes over to retailiate, but Sandow drops him, too. Then, Sandow starts taunting the country act, who stand up and sort of vaguely threaten him. Then they shove him. Sandow stumbles backward and Truth is waiting for him.
  
  Truth gets in one shot and then Sandow decides to run away. Truth follows. So we're down to the two principles, no more extracurriculars.
  
  Miz continues on the offensive, eventually locking in a Figure Four. Ziggler fights the good fight, and is finally able to get to the ropes for the break. He's on one leg, but he tries to take the fight to Miz. He manages to take Miz down, and steps back to set up for the Zig Zag...
   
  But all of a sudden, Sandow re-appears and gets up on the apron. Ziggler turns and hits a superkick on him... but the distraction allowed Miz to sneak up behind and hit a roll up. Thanks to a handful of tights, Miz got the pinfall.
  
  Another very solid match in the 12-minute or so range. Good pace, some fun shenanigans (even including the two dudes who are famous, albeit for reasons that don't resonate with me; they were utterly superfluous, but unlike most nonlebrities that I don't "get," they were pretty obviously wrestling fans, so it was OK), and then a pretty surprising finish. For as much as I'm one of the greatest Wrestling Minds on the planet, I still really like it when I'm surprised.
  
  
• "Seth Rollins Gloats When the Threat Level is at DefCon 1" Theatre. Seth Rollins hits the ring, and says that life is funny. One day you're on top of the world, and the next, you're Roman Reigns. He acknowledges Reigns' injury, but says that's no excuse not to show up and lose like a man. So Rollins says he'll give Reigns 10 seconds to come out, otherwise, he'll have to accept victory via forfeit.
   
  The ref rings the bell, and starts counting. The crowd chants "WE WANT AM BROSE," but it's not that easy. The ref gets to 10, and Rollins gloats some more, insisting to have his hand raised in victory. More booing and more Ambrose chants...
  
  Rollins answers the boos, and says they shouldn't be booing him, they should be booing Reigns, because HE's the one who let them all down tonight. Don't boo him, boo Reigns.
   
  But Rollins says he will do right by the fans, because that's just the kind of guy he is. He'll never disappoint his legions of fans. So he issues an open challenge. He'll face anyone...
   
  Suddenly, the Titantron switches to a backstage camera, where a taxi tears into the parking lot, and yep....
   
  AMBROSE ALERT~!
  
  Ambrose sprints from the parking lot to the ring, where Rollins is like a dear caught in headlights. Ambrose assaults Rollins, tosses him into the crowd, and the two brawl all the way across the floor, ending up back near the stage, where Triple H, Stephanie, and a whole phalanx of security are waiting to break things up and haul Ambrose away.
   
  Rollins seeks safety in the numbers, but Ambrose just gets up on one of the stage props and dives off onto about a dozen security guys, taking them out, and leaving Rollins exposed again.
   
  So he charges again, and the two brawl all the way across the OTHER side of the floor, and wind up back in the ring, where Ambrose fixes to destroy Rollins with a chair... but officials swarm, and with both Triple H and Jamie Noble getting physically involved, put Ambrose down, and use plastic twist-tie restraints.
   
  Ambrose is carried out by a dozen guys, while HHH, Steph, and Rollins linger in the ring to "celebrate" the moral victory.
   
  You know how I just said I like it when I'm surprised by an outcome? Well, this segment is the exact opposite, and I have to admit that I like it when something is so electric that it's fun despite the fact that I knew exactly what was gonna happen. In this case, Ambrose's return tonight was just about the worst kept secret in wrestling (even before Reigns' surgery was announced), but it was still a hell of an entertaining segment. Welcome back, Dean, you movie star, you.
  
  
• Rusev beats Mark Henry via submission. Henry's got his America-y ring gear. And we even stop before the match so that Lilian Garcia can sing the National Anthem. It's something she does very well (even with a cheesey instrumental backing track, unlike her memorable 9/13 solo rendition, which stands as the very first night OO first got a little bit of a huge crush on Lilian). The patriotism is so thick you can LITERALLY cut it with a knife, Jesse! [/gorilla]
  
  Pure punchy-punchy to start. Henry wins the first round. Rusev exits the ring to regroup. Henry wins round two. Rusev exits the ring to regroup. Henry doesn't even let Rusev back in the ring. Blocks him a second time. Rusev is pissed and clearly flustered.
  
  The ref finally tells Henry he has to allow Rusev back in. So Henry steps back, Rusev gets in, and Henry chucks him out again. This time, Rusev stays down, and Henry decides to follow. Big mistake. Rusev was playing possum, and tackles Henry into the ring steps.
   
  Rusev now in control, and targeting Henry's back/ribs/midsection. Quite methodical, and there's really only smatterings of half-hearted "USA" chants for the more rest-holdy bits.
  
  Henry gets a big pop for a desperation World's Strongest Slam (essentially out of nowhere), but his back is so bad that he cannot follow up. Rusev rolls out of the ring, once again, and is able to recover.
   
  Henry crawls over, planning to drag Rusev back into the ring, but Rusev pops up and hits a big savate kick while Henry's half-hanging out of the ring. Rusev follows up with the running front trust kick, and cinches in the Camel Clutch.
  
  And just when you think it's gonna be a thunderous "USA USA USA" chant to inspire Henry to power out... Henry has to tap out. The pre-existing damage to the back followed by the Camel Clutch was just too much.
   
  About 8 minutes, and I can't grade it too high as a display of wrestling skill or exciting action... but storywise, it certainly accomplished its goal of keeping Rusev's momentum going. If anything, he had an easier time with Henry than he did with Swagger. "Dear god, who will stop this man?" asks Cole.
   
  And the fact that neither JBL nor Lawler has any clue is kind of the point. It's gonna take something/someone special, and it'll be a big deal when it finally happens. With the rumors going around, I'll hereby chime in that I hope Hulk Hogan is another red herring/victim, and not the solution... if 'Murhicans got pissy about Rusev beating Henry, imagine the nuclear heat if he can beat Hogan? Especially if they do it in another, ummmm, [euphemismalert)"heartland-y" type place[/euphemism] like Tennessee, which actually had people (including grown adults) in tears tonight. Yikes.
  
  
• Randy Orton beats Chris Jericho. No slow build, straight to haymakers (by Orton) and big WHOOOOO! chops (by Jericho). Jericho wins, and clotheslines Orton out of the ring.
   
  Normally, when it spills outside, that's when Orton takes control. But instead, they use the ol' standbye: the cat and mouse role reversal spot. Jericho follows, gets a few shots in on Orton, then tosses him back into the ring. When Jericho follows, Orton stomps him as he steps through the ropes.
  
  Mini-offensive for Orton, but Jericho sparks a mini-rally in response, by lighting Orton up with more chops. Jericho heads up to the top rope, however, and Orton catches him. Textbook superplex, and the first near fall of the match.
  
  And then.... wait for it.... wait for it.... wait for it... CHINLOCK~! Randall never disappoints!
  
  Jericho fires up out of the rest hold, punishes poor Randall's chest with more chops, but then Randy snuffs that out by dodging a corner charge, with Jericho flying out, over the turnbuckle, and out to the floor.
   
  This time, the visit to the floor benefits Orton, who introduces Jericho to the barricade. Then quickly back into the ring to break the count. Then the ring steps. Then, a backdrop onto the announce table. The ringside furniture is Randy's friend.
  
  Back into the ring, and you know who else is Randy's friend? The chinlock. Sweet, sweet chinlock. But once again, a rest hold is the babyface's sign to rally. So Jericho does, and this time, it's a bit more extended, and lasts a minute or so before Orton ends it with his snap powerslam and his second near fall.
  
  But he's slow to follow up, and whiffs on a kneedrop, allowing Jericho to score on the secondary break. Things are going Jericho's way until he goes for the Lionsault, and Orton gets out of the way. Orton with the wraparound backbreaker. Only a two. Orton for the RKO. Jericho shoves him off, and counters with a Lionsault. Only a two.
  
  Jericho tries for his double jump drop kick. Orton moves, and counters into a Hanging DDT. Jericho escapes and turns it into a Walls. Orton escapes. Jericho charges in the corner, Orton moves, Jericho eats the ring post.
  
  Orton again wastes time, instead of following up. Orton finally lines up for the Punt, and Jericho turns it into a schoolboy roll-up. Only a two, but Jericho also immediately floats into a Walls. Right in the center of the ring, but Orton fights it, and almost makes the ropes. Jericho drags him back to center ring...
  
  Orton changes to Plan B, and reaches backward, grabbing Jericho's foot, and basically pulling himself through onto his back, so he can kick Jericho out of the ring. Then, as Jericho gets back onto the apron, Orton catches him with the Hanging DDT.
   
  More time wasted by Orton, in lieu of following up. This time, he "coils" for the RKO, and ends up walking into a Codebreaker.
   
  Only a two.
  
  Jericho is frustrated, and decides he needs to go big or go home, so he heads to the top rope. He waits for Orton to get to his feet... and Orton's turned the tables, this time, playing possum and forcing Jericho to waste time on the top rope. Jericho flies, looking for a Steamboat Cross Body, and instead flies right into a mid-air RKO. Foolishly wasting time was bad for the goose (thrice), so I guess it's fair play if it's also bad for the gander.
  
  About 18 minutes long, and for as lackluster as Jericho's run has been, he definitely saved his best match for last. And Orton held up his end, and as a result, bolsters his credibility... even OO has to admit he kinda needed this one; he hasn't won a significant (PPV-caliber) match since February. If you view Orton as one of your top 5 players, you can't let a losing streak like that continue much longer.
  
  
• AJ Lee wins a Triple Threat over defending champ Paige and Nikki Bella to become the NEW Women's Champion. Bell rings, and for about two seconds, Paige and Nikki seems to agree that they both hate AJ, so they charge her. AJ is ready for it, and double dropkicks the both of them. Paige powders out, and AJ dominates Nikki for a bit.
   
  Then Nikki hits one big move out of nowhere, and AJ powders out so Paige can come back in. Nikki gets the better of Paige, stealing Alberto del Rio's cross armbreaker. Paige escapes, but that's when AJ decides to get involved again. This time, Nikki powders out (after AJ throws her into the ringside barricade), and it's finally time for AJ vs. Paige.
  
  AJ gets the better of it, at first, but when she tries going up to the top rope, Nikki interrupts and shoves AJ off. Little Nikki/AJ set piece, then Paige breaks it up and gets all huggy... AJ shoves her off and is all "The Hell?" so Paige gets upset that her friendship has been spurned.
  
  Paige with a more aggressive onslaught, including her full arsenal of stiff knees and headbutts. Nikki again sticks her nose in, and tosses Paige out of the ring, so she can pick apart AJ's carcass. But even with all the damage Paige did, Nikki can't keep AJ down....
  
  Nikki gets cocky as she sets up for a Whatever Her Move Is, but AJ counters it into a Black Widow.
   
  Almost immediately, Paige is there to break it up, and continue her fight with AJ. It leads to both women on the top rope (where, unfortunately, mics picked up some of their chatter), with Paige setting up for a superplex... instead, Nikki shows up and sets up under Paige, turning it into a combo powerbomb/superplex, with AJ getting the worst of it.
   
  Nikki goes for the cover, but only a two. Then she gets Paige in a Torture Rack... AJ has to break it up, and in the process, Nikki goes tumbling out to the floor. A quick grapple, and AJ locks Paige in the Black Widow.
   
  Paige is able to half-escape it, but AJ re-cinches it, and gets the top out win. New champ. Just a bit shy of 10 minutes, and quite passable. It was very obviously set piece to set piece, with one girl being powdered out at almost all times, so it didn't have the same flow/throughline that you would see in a one-on-one (nor the more involved End Game that you usually get after all the one-on-one set-pieces when the guys do 20 minute Triple Threats), but it certainly never dragged. Plus, contrary to what I guessed, the decision came down to AJ and Paige, with no superfluous Bella melodrama.
  
  
• John Cena defeats Brock Lesnar via Disqualifiction; Lesnar still retains the WWE Title. Cena enters first. Lesnar, with Heyman, second. Full boxing style ring intros, which reveal your standard Cena-match fan breakdown. Kiddies for Cena, grown-ups not so much. Quite a bit closer to 50/50 than SummerSlam (again, the "heartland" strikes?), but still quite obviously a split crowd.
  
  Bell rings, and Cena shows his guts by charging Lesnar. Lesnar just double legs him and tackles him back into a corner. Lesnar tries to suplex him out of the corner, but Cena hangs onto the turnbuckle... Lesnar stumbles backwards... Cena see it... Cena charges again...
   
  F-U hits~! But Lesnar kicks out at two. Perfect mirror image of the flash F-5 at SummerSlam.
   
  Except this time, Cena can't follow up. He reaches down to pick up Lesnar, and Lesnar just takes that arm and locks in a Kimura. Uh oh...
  
  Cena's able to get a rope break. But then Lesnar grabs him and hits a German suplex. That's one.
  
  Then back to the kimura. And again, Cena gets a rope break. But after Kumura #2, Cena's selling it like he's a one-armed man. He tries to fire up with right hands, but Lesnar just shakes his head, pityingly, and hits Suplex #2.
  
  Lesnar decides to taunt the fans a bit with the Three Amigos (a half-hearted "EDDIE" chant merely makes him chuckle), for suplexes 3 through 5.
  
  Lesnar tries for a kind of leg-hooky pinning combo, and Cena has to put his foot over the top rope. Cena tries to roll all the way out of the ring on the break, but Lesnar just yanks him back to the middle for more punishment.
  
  Cena gets in a flurry of about a half dozen right hands... Lesnar shoves him off, and when Cena comes bounding back off the ropes, Lesnar hits him with a vicious clothesline. Cena foils Kimura #3 by immediately getting to the ropes.
  
  So Lesnar sanctions him for his impudence with Suplex #6 (a belly-to-belly).
  
  Cena's left with no choice but to try the right hands again. And again, he only gets about 5 or 6 of them in. For the first time, one of them DOES seem to sort of stun Lesnar... so Cena tries for the takedown. Bad idea. Lesnar shakes it off and clobbers away on Cena's neck, dropping him to the mat for more punishment.
  
  Cena's next flurry comes when Lesnar charges him in the corner, and Cena comes out with an elbow to the jaw... mroe rapidfire right hands, and then a stiff back elbow strike.
   
  And gain, Brock does not care for Cena's hubris, so he just snatches him for Suplex #7 (another German). FWIW, that elbow really WAS as stiff as it seemed when they replayed it in slo-mo, and in fact, Lesnar is now bleeding from the nose.
  
  Brock backs Cena into a corner, and the ref demands a break. Lesnar backs up, and Cena explodes out of the corner and catches Lesnar unawares with a flash F-U... it's the second one of the match, but Lesnar still easily kicks out at 2.
  
  Cena tries to follow up, and cinches in the SSTF... but Lesnar again laughs at Cena's attempted offense by floating over into Kimura #4.
  
  This time, Cena powers out, rather than go for the ropes. He gets to his feet and Lesnar has to break the hold. Another flash F-U by Cena.
   
  Lesnar is still able to kick out at 2.
  
  Cena immediately into the SSTF. Cinches it in good. This time, Lesnar actually hurt a bit, and has to struggle for a rope break.
  
  Cena yanks him back to mid-ring at the last second. Lesnar keeps fighting, and gets up on hands and knees. Cena releases the hold, and instead hits a FOURTH F-U. 
   
  But before Cena can complete the pinfall, Seth Rollins shows up and blasts Cena with the MitB Briefcase. Ref immediately calls for the DQ. Really? Boo.
  
  After the Match, Rollins pummeled away at Cena until he was out on the floor. Then he Curb Stomped Lesnar, and got the bright idea to cash in. He handed the briefcase to the ref, and said he was ready to cash in, but then Cena attacked him before the ref could ring the bell.
  
  Rollins immediately ran away, still with his MitB intact... and then Lesnar hit Cena with a post-match F-5, to underscore his dominance. They announce Cena as the winner via DQ, but Lesnar retains his title. Lesnar and Heyman seem just fine with this and leave the ring, victoriously. While Cena regains consciousness looking all frustrated.
  
  All I can say is: Goddammit. Great, exciting match for over 15 minutes. The pitch perfect logical follow up to SummerSlam, with Cena upping his game, which (in turn) gave Lesnar his excuse to take his own game to a whole new level, too (which is what Heyman had been clammoring for in all his daring of Cena). And then, THAT. Really? Really?? Really.
  
  WWE had (past tense) something special with Lesnar. Lesnar equalled instant Big Fight Atmosphere, with the tacit understanding that his appearances would be something special. It's the reason why you could put the title on him, despite him only appearing on TV/PPV about 3 times per month.
   
  Now, in one fell swoop, WWE tells fans, "Nope, Brock Lesnar is just another pro wrestler, and his matches will be subject to the same lame, crap-ass cop-out finishes like any other pro wrestler." Lesnar's no longer the guy who we grant special dispensation; he's now just a "Superstar."
  
  Sure that's a knee jerk reaction to a stupid and utterly unsatisfying booking decision, and you can always rehab things. But it'll take time because you can't entirely undo what you just did. You should have just not done it at all, to begin with.
  
  As a bonus, you made Seth Rollins looking like a freaking moron. A complete and utter dolt. And not the kind of endearing stupid who issued an open challenge despite the obviousness of the AMBROSE ALERT~! I'm talking a special kind of "what the hell is wrong with that guy? I can't believe I was taking him seriously" kind of stupid... which is the kind of stupid required to ever think you can get a cheap win on a still-conscious Brock Lesnar. So dumb.
  
  And that's how a night of almost unimpeachable in-ring action and compelling storyline advancement somehow managed to end on a sour note. Different from the "Oh wow, now I have to tune in tomorrow to see what happens next" type of unfulfillment, that sometimes works. This was pure, uncut "The hell, are you TRYING to antagonize us? Screw you, WWE" level dissatisfaction.
  
  That's the taste in my mouth as we fade to black.

And so ends the show. I can't overstate what a giant letdown that ending was. I mean, a lot of times, I "get" why WWE does something, I get their goal, I get the idea they were trying to convey, even if I think it was off in its execution.
 
But I'm genuinely having trouble figuring out how this on made it to air. What was the thought process? Once THIS particular idea was stumbled upon, how did it not get shot down in favor of something better? So much had to go wrong for THAT to be the ending.
 
I mean, if I had to hazard a guess, I figure the broad outline was maybe "Something that gives us an excuse to do a 3rd Lesnar/Cena match." Cuz off the top of my head, that's the only obvious next step. And in a vacuum, a third one of those is OK by me... so then, can we accomplish it any less lamely?
 
Yes, of course we can. But now, I can only assume that somebody (and yes, that somebody is, in my mind, Vince) is freaking out over the remote possibility that John Cena will be any less credible a wrestler if he lost against. Which is stupid. Because at this point, Cena is ABSOLUTELY BULLETPROOF with his fan base of "true believers," and will always get boos and grudging respect from the other contingent of fans.
 
Cena does not need to be "protected" in any traditional sense, he merely has to give his fans a reason to keep believing (which doesn't take alot, until said fan reaches junior high, or so) and make sure that Cena's performances are still compelling enough that the "haters" watch and (however secretly) appreciate the effort. Seriously: the onward march of time, and kids entering adolescence is a MUCH bigger threat to Cena's position than any booking decisions WWE makes.
 
But somehow, WWE pooped out this ending, where nobody really gets what they want, because they were more concerned with creating the excuse to do a third match before remembering it might be a good idea to make the second one, you know?, any good. D'oh.
 
I honestly think you could have just kept going down the same narrative path, with Cena hitting a 5th F-U and maybe a 6th, but in the end, Lesnar finds that next gear and eeks out the clean win. Hell, Heyman spent the entire past month LUSTING FOR a competitive Cena, so that it would inspire Lesnar to find that next gear. All that storyline could have led to a compelling conclusion: Cena DID bring it, and Lesnar just barely topped him.
 
More than enough traction there to justify a third match, this time, with Heyman showing ass, and trying to weasel out (saying Cena had his one rematch, and now it's onto somebody new), because he saw how close Cena came. Totally different vibe for the 3rd match, and Cena actually DOES come off as the narrative favorite, so you even get that added bonus (if you feel the need to "protect" Cena's rep).
 
As an added added bonus, if you do that, you don't send Seth Rollins out there to look like a moron. Seriously: if Brock Lesnar's head is still connected to his torso, nobody should really be going out there thinking it's time for a cheap and easy cash-in. It's bad enough WWE did a finish that did no favors for either Lesnar or Cena -- and which was a cheap slap in the face to fans -- they didn't have to sacrifice Rollins, too. He had nothing to do with this.
 
And because of how it played out, you can't even play the OMG SWERVE of Rollins being a new Heyman Guy, who was just trying to help once Lesnar got in trouble. Nope: Rollins did that because he wanted to. And only a very dumb person would want to do that.
 
That's not even a double whammy. That's, like, a lot of simultaneous whammies. Such a poorly conceived end to a show.
 
Which is too bad, because the show up till then had actually exceeded expectations. Lots of good in-ring action (Sheamus/Cesaro and Jericho/Orton being just a notch ahead of the Dusts/Usos and Miz/Ziggler) and just the right amount of surprising mix-ins (a pair of title changes, and the AMBROSE ALERT~!) to create a really fun and entertaining three hours of wrestling.
 
Then Lesnar/Cena seemed to be continuing that delightful trend, right up until the oh-so-bitter end reared its ugly head.
 
I always try really hard to do the full calculus problem, and sum up the whole show in one grade, but this one is hard. It almost might be justified if I did a split grade... but no, I'll resist. This is still the same basic equation where the ending doesn't undo any previous good stuff, but you still weight the final taste left in your mouth more heavily than the preceeding courses.
 
With that in mind, Night of Champions is a B-minus show, with plenty of good stuff you should check out (on the youtubes, if you're a cheapskate), but a mind-bendingly weak ending.
 
See you tomorrow night for RAW, everyone...