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WWE presents Hell in a Cell 2013
October 27, 2013

by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OOWrestling.com


We're all adults here, so let's not pretend this is something it's not...
You (probably) decided to save yourself $60 by not buying a PPV, and just want to know what happened. I (definately) am in no mood to muster up a PreRamble, on the grounds that the only thing that's happened to me this weekend is dropping my car off at the garage, and finding out I'm on the hook for $600 in brake repairs.

So let's just cut to the chase. Here's what happened at the just-completed WWE Hell in a Cell 2013 pay-per-view:

  • Preshow. The "expert panel" consists of Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, and Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn's sporting a new brunette loock, which can only mean one thing: that bastard Seth Rollins and his friends in The Authority used his obviously massive political clout to claim sole ownership of the Two Tone Hair. But Kaitlyn showed them: she looks incredible. I mean, even moreso than before. Plus 10 OO Gold Stars!

    Other developments: Curtis Axel is injured, so the IC Title Match is cancelled. Big E. Langston joined the panel to talk about losing his shot at the IC Title, and then hung around for an interview with The Shield. When they finished up a promise to regain the Tag Team Titles, Big E. chimed in that "Of course they're confident. They always have a 3-on-2 advantage." Ambrose took extreme umbrage at the rookie's bold claim, and after some back and forth, it was established that Big E. came here tonight expecting a title shot, and Ambrose doesn't have an opponent... so why not do Langston vs. Ambrose for the US Title? Why not, indeed...

    Also: Miz confronts Vickie Guerrero, and petitions for a match against Bray Wyatt. Vickie denies it, on the grounds that Miz is not medically cleared to wrestle. Miz then says, "No match? Well, you're still getting a fight."

    Damien Sandow beat Kofi Kingston in the replacement freebie match. About 8 minutes, Sandow won it with a new finisher, a full nelson slam called the "You're Welcome." Other than that, the most notable thing is that Rey Mysterio is a part of the Spanish Announce Team tonight. Curiouser and curiouser.

  • Opening Videos/Theme/Pyro/Etc., and we're live in Miami, FL. And we're starting with tag title action...

  • Cody Rhodes and Goldust retain the Tag Team Titles in a Triple Threat Match (over the Shield and the Usos). During ring intros, we get a replay of Cody and Goldust's title win, aided by Big Show. This leads to the revelation that Triple H has secured a restraining order against Big Show, and if Show steps a foot inside the arena, he will be arrested on sight. Riiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhtt.

    When Goldust gets off to a hot start on Rollins, Rollins tags an Uso. Rollins and Reigns (note: Ambrose is nowhere to be seen, so it's 2 on 2 on 2) take a powder, and leave the two brother teams to beat each other up while they hold back and watch.

    Good back and forth Mutual-Respect-y action, but apparently the live crowd doesn't appreciate mutual respect. Sensing the match needed a little something something, Reigns blind tagged himself in, and Pearl Harbored Goldust while Goldust was focused on an Uso.

    Crowd perks up as Goldust becomes a face in peril. After about 3 minutes of the Shield's cuttingtheringinhalfery, Goldust hits a DDT on Reigns, and starts crawling towards his corner... but Reigns tags in Rollins, and Rollins punks Cody before the tag can be made. When Goldust hits Rollins with a neckbreaker, he dives for his corner, but Cody's on the floor... Goludst slowly realizes he'll have to settle for tagging an Uso, instead. But when he makes that dive, Rollins and Reigns pull both Usos off the apron.

    They continue the beatdown on Goldust for another couple of minutes, and the crowd keeps getting more vested until Goldust finally does make the tag to Cody. Cody's en feugo, including his picture perfect moonsault. But when he whiffs on a Disaster Kick, an Uso blind tags in. While Rollins is focused on Cody, the Uso strikes with a missile dropkick.

    Uso whiffs on a Superfly Splash, and Cody returns the favor by blind tagging himself in, and catching Rollins off-guard. Both guys eventually wind up on the top rope, and are jockeying for a superplex... and Cody wins BY SUPERPLEXING ROLLINS FROM THE TOP OUT OF THE RING AND TOO THE FLOOR. Holy shit. Goldust, Reigns, and an Uso are there to catch them, but still: holy shit.

    A Pier Sixer breakers out, with Reigns spearing one Uso, before the other clotheslined him out of the ring (taking himself down, too). Rollins (legal) was left in the ring with the Rhodesses. He took the lay-down uppercut from Goldust, and stumbled into a CrossRhodes from Cody (also legal). And that's that.

    Very fine 16 minute opener, with a very crowd-pleasing finish. The Rhodesses retain, which is actually a smart move, if you ask me. Goldust has been outstanding since his return, but I'm not sure if he's got enough to hold his own as a singles... so keeping him and Cody as a tag team is the best way to maximize his value. Oh, and thankfully, I won't have to keep typing "Rhodesses," as WWE is rebranding them as "The Brotherhood." Works for me...
  • Miz Wants a Fight. Miz hits the ring, and recaps the situation: he wants Bray Wyatt, but he's not medically cleared, so let's have us a fight. Bray appears on the Titantron, and says it pains him so to see Miz in such dire straits. So he'll put Miz out of his misery. BLows out the lantern.
    Lights come back on, and Harper and Rowan are in the ring, behind Miz. They start kicking the crap out of him, and the crowd immediately starts chanting "We Want Kane."
    About 10 seconds later, BOOM!, through hellfire and brimstone, it's Kane! He trades a few punches with the Wyatt Family, who decide to scurry away. Miz tries to thank Kane... and Kane decides to chockslam Miz. Crowd cheers wildly!
    Kane blows the corner pyro, and the announcers wonder aloud exactly what Kane's agenda is, what with attacking both the Wyatts and Miz.
  • Summer Rae and Fandango beat Natalya and the [redacted] Khali. Khali and Fandango open the match and suck out loud for about 30 seconds. Well, half of them sucked. I think you can do the match on that. Then the girls tag in, and do a couple really good minutes. Surprisingly good. Chain wrestling and all.
    Nattie gets the better of it, and Summer decides it's time for Fandango to get back in the ring... but Nattie doesn't tag out. She stands up to Fandango, and when he mocks her, she takes him down, and starts applying the Sharpshooter. Fandango panics and gets to the ropes for a break, but the messge has been sent.
    The ref restores order by getting Nattie out and Khali in. Fandango almost immediately decides to play chickenshit, so Summer's in the match, again. This time, it's Khali who doesn't immediately tag out, and Summer starts seducing him. Khali is paralyzed in the corner when Nattie re-enters the ring. Thus, he's of no use when Fandango distracts Nattie, allowing Summer to hit a cheap roll-up for the win.
    I won't say it was good. But if you'd told me we'd be getting stuck with a Khali match on PPV, I'd have guessed it'd be worse than this. I've gotten to see Summer in NXT, and she's pretty solid, but I wouldn't have expected this good a showing in her WWE debut. Or maybe it's just that everybody looks good when compared to Khali?

  • Big E. Langston beats Dean Ambrose by DQ (Ambrose retains the US Title). Ambrose is flying solo, so apparently this'll be one-on-one. Ambrose tries to start the match with a verbal offensive. Bad idea. Langston counters with a physical offensive, and actually gets 3 near falls in the opening 20 seconds or so. Very aggressive.
    Ambrose tries to fire back with chops and punches, which Big E. mostly no sells. More power moves and near falls, but then Langston settles in with the dreaded bearhug. By "dreaded," I of course mean I dread having to watch it. When Ambrose escapes, he heads otu of the ring for a little modified cat and mouse, and suckers Langston in for a low-blow. A shot off the ringpost, and Ambrose is firmly in control.
    In the beatdown, Langston gets busted open around his right eye. Ambrose tries to finish him off with a sleeper, but Langston fires up. Big tackles, and finally the big Warrior-style splash... but Ambrose kicks out. Langston continues the assault, finally hitting an AMAZING spear. Ambrose was on the apron, and Langston got a running start, and speared Ambrose all the way into the barricade, landing on the floor himself. Wild.

    Big E. got back in the ring, and while the ref counted, Ambrose stumbled back to his feet at the count of 8, and decided not to get back in the ring.
    Langston wins by count-out in about 7-8 minutes, but Ambrose retains the title. When Ambrose made the mistake of "celebrating" with the belt, Langston grabbed him, and hit the Big Ending, just for shits and giggles.

    Not a bad way to feature Langston if the IC Title match had to be scrapped. Not bad at all.

  • CM Punk beats Ryback in a Cell Match, get Sweet Sweet Vengeance on Paul Heyman. Punk enters first. Then Ryback enters, and he's alone. After milking it for a bit, Heyman finally appears, and he's riding some kind of scaffold lift  contraption. The driver, however, is some kind of incompetent jackass, and it takes forever to get him to the ring.

    But once he gets there, he gets a mic, and declares he's "The Best in Hell," and the lift starts taking him up to the top of the Cell. His fancy little promo ends with the notion that he's risen from Hell, and is now on top of the world, somewhere Punk used to be, but will never get to again, because he turned his back on Heyman.
    Paul takes up a perch on the top of the Cell, and the ref shrugs and rings the bell.

    Fast start for Punk, including use of a kendo stick, but when the match spills outside, Ryback's power takes over, and he starts slamming Punk into the steel structure. Throw in a few kendo shots, and Ryback's firmly in control.

    With Ryback's limitations, and with the oddball decision to put Heyman on top of the Cell causing some confusion, the crowd is pretty dead. Punk gets a hope spot in, with the Macho Man double sledge, but when he starts looking under the ring, Ryback recovers. Ryback hits a unique "Three Amigos," suplexing Punk into the Cell wall. Pretty cool.

    Back in the ring, Ryback gets a couple near falls off power moves, and then settles in for a reverse bearhug. That doesn't make it any better. Oy. But Punk only puts up with that happy crappy for about 15 seconds before he fires up out of it.
    Running knee. Twisting high cross body. But the springboard splash backfires when Ryback plucks Punk out of mid-air and turns it into a powerslam. Ryback goes for Shellshock, but Punk sneaks out the backdoor, and gets his hands on the kendo stick.
    Punk goes to town with the stick, and then nails the Macho Man Elbow for a close two count. More shots with the kendo stick. Then back outside and under the ring, again. This time Punk finds the table he was looking for. He gets it into the ring, but doesn't set it up, because Ryback attacks. The table is sitting up on its side, and Ryback uses it in the most unpleasant way: he atomic drops Punk onto the edge of the table.

    Ow, my balls. I mean, ow, Punk's ball, too. But even *I* felt that.

    Ryback spent a big too much time gloating and sharing meaningful eye contact with Heyman. So when he tried to follow up by powerbombing Punk through the table, Punk flipped through and cracked Ryback's head off the table. Then he laid Ryback out on the table and hit another Macho Man Elbow, through the table.

    But Punk landed hard, too, and took a moment making the cover. So it only got a 2. Both men back to their feet, and after a quick grapple, Punk finds the kendo stick again, and smacks Ryback with it, and then hits the GTS, and Ryback's done.

    About 15 minutes, and it wasn't exactly a classic, but I think they got the most out of these two as they could. Punk's pretty beat-up, injury-wise, and Ryback's, well, he's Ryback.

    As soon as the bell rings, Punk grabs a kendo stick and stares up at Heyman. Then, he starts climbing the Cell. Heyman's trapped. Unless he wants to jump. WHich he doesn't.
    So Punk joins him on top of the Cell, and starts stalking. Heyman begs off, and for a couple seconds, Punk lets him think he might get off. Then WHAP goes the kendo stick. A few more times. And Heyman's destroyed. But Punk's not done; he gestures (Broadly, as is the finest manner of gesturing) that it might be time for someone to go to sleep.
    The crowd fires up a GTS chant. And Punk obliges. With the Cell roof buckling ever-so-slightly, Punk hits the GTS, and then celebrates over Heyman's carcass on top of the Cell.

    Big finish to a middling match, to be sure. Huge. Good times.

  • Los Matadores (w/ El Torito) beat the Real Americans (w/ Zeb Colter). Per custom, Zeb ranted and raved before the match. Also before the match: JBL's head exploded when both El Torito and Rey Mysterio were in the same room together, because he spent the whole PPV claiming they were the same person. Ha?

    JBL continues cracking himself up with other conspiracy theories while the Real Americans immediately take control for the standard mid-match beatdown on Los Mortones.
    It all leads up to the Giant Swing, which gets a huge pop when Cesaro starts. Then an even bigger one when he gets up to 20 swings. I counted a total of 28, but the announcers claimed 31. I'm too lazy to rewinds and double check.
    Cesaro is also disoriented after the extend-o-swing, so when both men get up, there's a quick grapple, and both men make tags. Los Gibsonio is lightly inflamed, as he engages Swagger. Swagger turns the tables with a little help from Cesaro, but when Swagger gets a running start, the Matadore ducks, and Swagger collides with Cesaro.
    And just like that, he stumbles back into the double backdrop suplex, and Los Matadores are victorious.
    After the match, Zeb pitches a fit, and El Torito decides he wants him a piece. Cesaro tries to save Zeb, and gets a hurricanrana from the midget for his troubles. Meantime, Zeb used the time to try crawling out of the ring, but that just leaves him in perfect ass-up/face-down position to get gored in the butt, again.

    It's as funny now as it was the first time. Fun little capper to a harmless, crowd-pleasing 6 minute match. And if they want, the collision between Swagger and Cesaro could be the start of something. Just sayin'.

  • John Cena defeats Alberto del Rio to become the new World Heavyweight Champ. Del Rio enters first, because champions always enter first. Ahem. But Lilian does the boxing-style intros, and gets the order right, announcing the champ last (and, as he requires her to do, in Spanish).

    It takes all of one lock-up/exchange before the crowd fires up the standard "Let's go Cena"/"Cena Sucks" chant, and with the same split as usual. No sympathy for the injured guy. Even with seemingly nobody interested in rooting for del Rio, the "Cena Sucks" chant is mightier than ever.

    For somebody who has spent the past month shooting cellphone videos and making embarrassingly illiterate tweets (seriously, John, you ARE a 40-year-old man; type like it!) about how he's totally recovered and strong than ever, Cena sure as hell wastes no time selling like his arm is made of silk and fine china. He's begging off arm bars, fidgeting with his elbow pad, and in general acting VERY worried about his arm.

    Del Rio plays along, performing a grand total of zero moves that don't target Cena's arm. Wanker Gripe: so Cena has a hope spot, after all this "ow, my arm hurts" psychology, and uses his BAD ARM to hit a hip toss, as if there's nothing wrong with it. It's so blatant that Cole blurts out how odd that was. But once ADR snuffs out that comeback, Cena goes back to acting like his arm is grievously wounded. Whoops.

    HEY! Sudden cut to backstage, where Damien Sandown is standing by with the MitB Briefcase, and watching intently on a monitor! We can hope!

    Cena finally begins his for-realz fire-up by catching del Rio coming off the top rope. Del Rio leaps, and Cena hits him in mid-air with a drop kick. From there, the standard moveset. Including the wacky shoulder tackle. And yep: Cena uses his bad arm to hit them, and acts as if nothing is amiss. Either don't do those moves, man, or do them with the other arm. [I know that's not easy, and Shawn Michaels is the only guy I can think of off the top of my head who had a fully ambidextrous offense, and could adjust based on what limb he was selling. But still....]

    As Cena runs through his repetoire, the crowd shifts to a "Let's Go Cena"/"Del Ree Oh" chant. So there ARE some Alberto fans!

    Cena's rally comes to an end when he tries to go up top, and Alberto hits him with his walk-up enziguri. Cena takes it back when del Rio whiffs on a corner charge, and Cena immediately hits a Steamboat Crossbody.

    Cena tries to lift ADR up off the mat, but del Rio grabs the arm for a single-arm DDT. Del Rio tries to follow up with the armbreaker, but Cena counters it into the SSTF. Alberto gets to the ropes for a break, and when Cena goes for the F-U, del Rio drops him with a roundhouse kick, and then locks in the Cross Armbreaker.

    Surely, it's over!

    No, and stop calling me Shirley!

    While in the cross armbreaker, Cena actually lifts del Rio up, with the hold still locked in, and powerbombs him. Impressive. Cena goes for the F-U, del Rio has one last counter in him, and goes for the armbreaker again, but Cena counters the counter, and hits the F-U after the double-reverse-y.
    Your winner, and new World Heavyweight Champion, after a decent little 15 minute match is John Cena. They kept it super simplistic with the Arm Story (except for the parts where Cena forgot that was the story), but then they kicked it into a whole other gear for the end, with plenty of slickly executed back and forthy and near falls.

    No Sandow. Just Cena celebrating during the replays. So much for my hopes...

    It'll also be interesting to see exactly how long Cena slums it as the B-champ. Or if this is a conscious effort to elevate the B-title. Or what. I honestly have no feel for where this is going (beyond the obligatory rematch against del Rio).

  • AJ Lee beats Brie Bella to retain the Women's Title. AJ's got Tamina with her; Brie is seconded by Nikki. If it comes down to them, I repeat the wisdom of last month: Lady Diesel > Other Bella.

    Brie puts an end to AJ's match-opening antics by just punching her in the face. Effective. Rude. But effective. Also effective: a Northern Lights Suplex. Hey, that's like real wrestling!

    AJ regains control by ducking a charge and chucking Brie out of the ring. Brie lands hard, and AJ pounces. AJ mixes convincing holds (swinging neckbreaker, spidermonkey sleeper) with skipping and prancing, just to keep the crowd vested.

    Brie with a comeback, culminating in a really cool reversal of the Black Widow into a single leg crab. Tamina gets up on the apron to create a distraction, but Nikki yanks her off the apron. While Nikki is staunting Tamina, AJ escapes with a rope break... Brie lines her up for a running knee strike (awwww, adorable, couples acting alike), but AJ moves, and Brie lands the knee on Nikki. Whoops.
    Brie is clearly upset, and when she finally turns around, she walks right into the Black Widow. And has to tap out.

    A little short, but looking at the clock, you can guess why (the match ends at 10:15, with a main event that is perfectly capable of going 30 minutes)... but they did just fine with the time given. Just please: don't bother with the Bellas turning on each other just because some dumbass thinks it'll make the "reality" show more interesting. I'm beggin' ya.

  • Backstage: Bob Backlund bonds with the Prime Time Players. I wish I could tell you this was funny. But it was more just random and absurd. And it made me wonder why this had to happen, instead of AJ and Brie getting an extra 2 minutes. But whatever, it's not worth getting worked up over...

  • Randy Orton beats Daniel Bryan to win the WWE Title in a Cell Match. After ring intros (all 4 of them, because Shawn Michaels gets a full into as the guest ref, and then Triple H makes a grand entrance, carrying the Abeyant Belt out to the ring), the bell doesn't ring until 10:30pm (eastern), so forget the 30 minute thing. Looks more like 20 tops. D'oh; strike my previous comment, and replace it with me wondering why that Backlund thing happened, when the main event could use the extra 2 minutes.
    Also, the Khali match. Ugh.

    Crowd is redhot as we start, and it seems like the two kinda realize they're getting shorted on time. Orton busts out his pendulum powerslam 25 seconds into the match. Not long after Bryan busts out the missile dropkick that he usually save till end game.

    Orton gains control with a knee to the ribs, and follows up by dumping Bryan ribs-first across the top rope three times in a row, then chucking him into the Cell wall. Then, into the steel ring steps. Then, Orton disassembles the ring steps, and uses them to pummel Bryan.

    Keep in mind, the match is still 3 mintues old at this point, so the pace is definitely fast. It's almost like we're 15 minutes into the match, and not in the annoying way that is frequently employed during Cena matches. They aren't overselling the brutality; they're just skipping ahead to the brutality a lot sooner than usual.

    Orton sets up the other half of the steel steps, with something in mind, but Bryan reverses the whip, and Orton crashes into the steel. This starts a significant flurry of moves for Bryan, including all manner of kicks, including the always-delightful Dropkick of Woe.

    It builds up to a Flying Goat Plancha. And a second one... but things go massively wrong on the third attempt, and Orton sidesteps the move. On top of that, Bryan had seriously overshot the move, aand landed violently in the Cell wall. But he's apparently OK, cuz thematch continues.
    And it continues in impressive fashion, as Orton hits a sweet combo: he does the now-standard atomic drop into the ring post, but he follows it up with his wrap-around neckbreaker, while Bryan still wrapped around the post.

    Back in the ring, Orton goes for a superplex, but after the two jockey for position on the top rope, Bryan turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb. Nice.

    Both men down. Both men up. And they start trading uppercuts for a game of "YES!"/"NO!" for the fans. Bryan gets the better of it, and backs Orton into a corner for a pair of his corner-assisted dropkicks. Then lifts Orton up for a top rope hurricanrana. Then follows up with the swandive headbutt. Only a two count.

    YES! kicks hit hard, but then -- DAMMIT! -- Bryan goes for the Wind-Up YES! Kick, and of course, it misses. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN, DANIEL BRYAN??!!??

    Orton briefly in control, until he tries to set up for the Hangman DDT. It's not time for that yet, and Bryan escapes, and ducks outside the ring. Orton follows, and immediately gets tossed into the Cell wall a few times. Bryan finds a steel chair, and smacks Orton with it a few times.
    Then Bryan tosses the chair into the ring. Then he finds another chair, and another, and about a dozen more, and he tosses them all into the ring, as the crowd chants "E-C-Dub" (in memory of the night an entire arena threw their chairs into the ring). Bryan then tosses Orton into the ring, and tries to put his plan in motion.
    But Orton had time to recover during Bryan's furniture re-arrangement, and turns the tables. Errrr, the chairs. Orton decimates Bryan with the chair(s), but can only muster a series of 2 counts.
    Now, it's Orton's turn to have a plan, and he starts stacking the chairs in the middle of the ring. ANd then, he hoists Bryan up to the top rope, and is clearly setting up for a superplex. Bryan sense it, too, and tries to fight out. But he fails, and Orton gets the superplex....

    Sadly, for as great an idea as it was, Orton shorted the superplex, and Bryan landed on the mat, with his feet sort of hitting the chairs. The crowd wasn't quite sure if it was a "You Fucked Up" moment, or if they should give points for effort. I'd lean towards the latter, but I can understand the former. Either way, even a regular superplex is pretty rough, so Orton goes for the cover.

    Only a two, obviously. At this point, Triple H storms back down to the ring, and starts berating HBK for a slow-count, or something. Which would probably have played better, if the chair-assisted superplex had landed, and Bryan's kick out was less plausible. But it didn't, and so this was sort of awkward.
    Michaels had to keep being distracted by HHH, giving Orton an excuse to manhandle him. Bryan tried to make the save, but wound up accidentally taking out Shawn with a kick. Suddenly, HHH grabbed the ringside doctor and a ref, and insisted on opening the Cell door to check on HBK.

    HHH's first move was to confront Bryan, and Bryan responded by taking him out with a knee strike. Then, he did the same to Orton, and implored Michaels to get to his feet to make a count. Instead, Michaels hit Bryan with the Sweet Chin Music.

    HHH got up and pulled Orton up and threw him on top of Bryan. Meantime, Michaels was momentarily conflicted before finally dropping down and making the three-count.

    New WWE Champ is Randy Orton. Not because he won the match, but because Daniel Bryan jobbed to the finishing move of a guy who's been retired for 4 years. Ahem.

    I'm not 100% upset about this. But probably about 87% or so. I get the idea of doing a big ol' screwgie to keep Bryan's underdog mojo flowing, but what WWE doesn't seem to realize is there's only so far you can go before you get diminishing returns. Just because soembody backstage is having visions of Stone Cold's extended slow burn before he won the title doesn't men you can do the same thing here... the world has moved on since then: not only is it WAY more of an instant gratification society, but fans are just generally smarter than they were then. And they WILL get bored of investing in Bryan, not because they dont' think he's deserving of being champ, but because they don't think the company wants to make him champ. Not in the storyline way, but in a very real way.

    This decision, on top of two straight PPVs where fans honestly thought they should be entitled to refunds, probably isn't the way I would have gone. Granted, I don't know where it goes from here, and that's why I left that 13% margin of error... but at some point, you ar eno longer allowed to use the defense "Yeah, but wait till next time, cuz the story's not over," and it sure as hell felt like tonight would be the right point for WWE to stop using it.
    I'd probably leave an even bigger margin for error, if I thought there was a chance in hell that Michaels' involvement could possibly lead to him unretiring for a Dream Match against Bryan. But let's not kid ourselves: he'll say "Bryan hit me, and then he hit my best friend, and I was just caught up in the moment, and I didn't really mean it, and I'm as upset as anybody that Orton's the champ" and then he'll go away again. The best we can hope for is a Bryan/HHH singles match that "makes" Bryan in a way commensurate to a WWE Title win, but with the Big Show nonsense ever-present, I'm not even sure that's in the offing.


Anyway, I'm digressing. The PPV as a whole was a step up from last time, but not by a quantum leap, or anything.
I think t his time around, Bryan/Orton had a stronger match. They really had a good thing going. And then -- like last time -- they had a kind of crappy, screw-you ending to the fans, but it also wasn't anywhere near as bad as last time. So that's the biggest net gain.
Also: the tag title match was once again a big highlight, although not quite as awesome as last time.

Ryback/Punk was probably about the same as last month, but with the nice big gimmicky finish on top of the Cell. Another net gain.
Cena/del Rio was quite serviceable, and added some star power/sizzle. Even though I was massively displeased by the Lack of Sandow (even after they teased him during the match), that's another very mild gain. Not really having a feel for why Cena had to win or where he goes from here almost mutes that a bit for me, though.

Everything else? Hell, it's 10:57 as I type this, and I already can't even remember anything else. THRILLING~! Even Rey Mysterio at ringside turned out to be an utterly worthless red herring.

As always, you can help sooth my sandy metaphorical vagina by making a donation to OO (it's PayPal, but all credit cards and some e-checks are accepted), to help keep the site going and to help offset the monthly PPV expenditures. Huge thanks to those who've already chipped in, and thanks in advance to any who decide to join them.

As for me... I'm wrapping it up so I can go watch "Homeland." Yes, I still think it's been a sucky season so far, but the ned of last week's episode gives me hope. Yes, it was a really, really dumb and spazzy swerve in the "last couple seasons of 24" kind of way, but it could also be a reset button to get the characters back on track, and the International Intrigue back to being -- you know? -- intriguing.
And then I'll see you again in 24-36 hours for the RAW Recap. Sounds like Vince is gonna be back tomorrow, so we've got that to look forward to! [/sayingtheoppositeofwhatistrue]

Later on, kids...


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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