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WWE presents Money in the Bank 2013
July 14, 2013

by The Rick
Undisputed Lord and Master of OOWrestling.com


So I figure I've got a pretty decent PreRamble worked up regarding the George Zimmerman verdict. But I won't waste your time here.
I'll probably do it tomorrow, since RAW is a deal where two-thirds of you already saw the show, but just enjoy my version of it (and thus, we can be more chatty and conversational). But for PPVs, my guess is about 10% of you saw the show, and the rest of you just want me to get down to business.

So stay tuned for that Scintilating Punditry tomorrow (spoiler alert: I am displeased). But for now, ere's what happened at the just-completed Money in the Bank 2013 pay-per-view:

  • On the Pre-Show: The complete re-imagining of the youtube pre-show continued. Last month, we got a good 10-minute match on the pre-show. Tonight, we got a very good 15-minute match (including a true Holy Shit moment -- a QUADRUPLE stack electric chair/superplex thingie -- and a "this is awesome" chant). The Shield retained the tag titles over the Usos, but it was not the waste of time you might have expected. Really good stuff. Then, they only did 8 minutes of filler before starting the ring introductions for the SD MitB Match (which is gonna be the opener). When the pre-show fades to black, Fandango and Dean Ambrose are already in the ring, creating WWE's best pre-show "cliff-hanger" in pretty much ever. Well done.

  • Opening hype videos/etc... and we're live in Philly, where Cole and the Gang welcome us to the show, and thenwaste no time sending it to the ring. Afterall, two of the seven guys in the opener are already there waiting.

  • Damien Sandow wins the Rising Stars Money in the Bank Match for a shot at the World Champ. With Fandango and Ambrose already in the ring, Swagger and Cesaro enter together, with Zeb Colter providing a running commentary that's less Tea Party than usual, and more cheap heat (i.e. "the way things are going, you idiots had better enjoy your cheesesteaks while you can, because next year at this time, it'll be tacos and burritos as far as the eye can see"). Then Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes enter together, with Sandow cutting a promo about how one of the two Rhodes Scholars will win. But he's cut off, mid-sentence, by Wade Barrett's music.
    All seven guys in the ring. So let's boogie.
    And boogie we do. Big ol' "everybody into the pool" start eventually simmers down to Cesaro/Swagger vs. Sandow/Rhodes. Then, Barrett grabs a ladder and starts clearing house while Ambrose grabs another ladder, and we've got about 3 different ladders involved all of a sudden.

    Outside the ring, one of them is broken (at the expense of Fandango, on a move by Sandow), and Barrett starts using a detatched rung as a weapon. In the ring, one ladder st up in the middle of the ring, and another is propped up in a corner.

    After some brawling, Ambrose and Barrett end up climbing the middle ladder... Barrett gets tossed off and eats one of Cesaro's Elevation Uppercuts on the way down. Cesaro tries to yank Ambrose off, but Ambrose turns it into a DDT. Swagger tries to go up top, but Cody catches him and hits a Muscle Buster onto the corner ladder. Neato.

    Fandango rejions the fight, and immediate gets sunset flipped off the top by Barrett. Ambrose takes the ladder, and puts it over his head to do the crazy-ass Funk Ladder Windmill. He takes out everybody but Swagger and Cesaro, who grab the ladder on either end. Ambrose "skins the cat" to get on top of the ladder, teasing a grab of the briefcase, but instead gets tossed out. Very creative.

    Swagger's helping Cesaro grab for the case when Cody Rhodes comes out of nowhere with a missile dropkick that takes out both men. Then he takes out both Fandango and Barrett with Crossroads... Cody sets up a ladder, and climbs... Ambrose tries to stop him, but gets tossed.

    As soon as Ambrose is down, Rollins and Reigns run in and attack Cody. Cody's down. Fandango and Barrett each get speared. Ambrose starts climbing, with Rollins and Reigns protecting him... and in run the Usos. The Usos are joined by Cesaro and Swagger in taking out the Shield, but in the chaos, Ambrose himself has started climbing the ladder again.

    And here's Cody to save the day: he tips over the ladder, and sends Ambrose flying onto the hockey scrum outside the ring. Cody resets the ladder. Starts climbing. Seems on the brink of victory. Which is when Damien Sandow emerges from out of nowhere (last seen in a brawl outside the ring, about 3 minutes into the match) to yank Cody off the ladder. Cody lands hard, Sandow quickly climbs, and grabs the case. Thank you!

    A little over 20 minutes, and just jam-packed with high-impact, creative spots. And plenty of drama, too, as the run-in by Rollins/Reigns sure as hell had me convinced Ambrose was winning, but nope. Red herring. Instead, the big story is Sandow being completely invisible for 17 of those 20 minutes, then re-emerging to screw his "best friend." After a better-than-expected pre-show, that was one hell of an excellent start to the real show.
    Then again, Damien Sandow IS OO's Onscreen Avatar of Intellectual Superiority, so what else am I supposed to say in response to such a glorious outcome?

  • Brad Maddox's Big Waste of Time. New RAW GM Brad Maddox decides to address his not-so-adoring public. He sarcastically puts Vickie over as an underappreciated genius, and then throws it to a TitanTron video tribute to Vickie. It is precisely what you expect: Vickie's most humiliating moments set to cheesy music. Vince is probably backstage laughing his ass off, but nobody in the audience is amused, proving once again that Vince has a singularly shitty sense of humor. Before the segment can flop any harder, Miz's music interrupts Maddox...

  • Curtis Axel beats The Miz, via pinfall, to retain the IC Title. Despite Axel's pedigree, Miz out mat-wrestles him to start, causing Axel to bail out, instigating a game of cat and mouse. When Miz chases the mouse and tosses him back into the ring, Heyman starts jawing with Miz. Miz is struck by a notion: he sclaps his hands (loudly), and drops to the mat, pretending Heyman slapped him. When the ref turns around, he sees this state of affairs, and ejects Heyman.
    I suspect the idea here was the remove the fans' best reason to cheer for Axel over the tepid Miz. Instead, the fans fired up a "We Want Heyman" chant, and then immediately clammed up, refusing to cheer for Miz under any circumstances. D'oh.

    Soon thereafter, Axel settled in on offensive for the heel beatdown sequence. Philly refused to give him anything, too. After a few minutes, Miz fired up to silence, then got 80% boos when he started calling for cheers.
    As we enter End Game, Axel hits a PerfectPlex (for the first big reaction of the match), but Miz kicks out. Moments later, when Miz locks in the Figure Four, that gets a reaction, too: a negative one. So it's OK for a son to borrow from his dad. But it is NOT OK for a hack to steal from The Naitch. Thankfully, Axel is able to turn the Figure Four over (reversing the pressure), resulting in a mild "Tap, Tap, Tap" chant directed at Miz.
    Miz re-turns it over, but Axel immediately gets a rope break. Axel also restarts the cat and mouse, but this time, he's got a plan, and does the role reversal spot where he gets back into the ring first, then stomps Miz as Miz tries to follow. A quick grapple ends with Miz getting clotheslined over the middle rope. Axel immediately follows up with his running neckbreaker, and that's that.

    Underwhelming, to say the least. About 10 minutes, and with the clear story that Axel doesn't need Heyman to beat Miz. WHich is, at least, a good story, in my book.

  • AJ Lee beats Kaitlyn, via submission, to retain the Women's Title. AJ enters first, and is accompanied by Big E. Langston. Then Kaitlyn, who is once again accompanied by Layla for no other reason than you sort of expect Layla's gonna turn on Kaitlyn sooner than later.

    Kaitlyn overpowers AJ for a few minutes to start, venting her copious amounts of pent-up rage. But when the match spills outside, AJ reverses a whip, and sends Kaitlyn into the steel ringpost. With the story being that Kaitlyn came into the match suffering from a minor arm injury, this ring post shot to the shoulder gives AJ all the traction she needs to target Kaitlyn's left arm.
    Included in this attack is a sweet hammerlock, which AJ punctuates with a tippy-toe bridge, just because she wants us all thinking naughty thoughts in the middle of her matches. The arm attacks continue for several minutes until  Kaitlyn powers out and drops AJ with a sidewalk slam.
    Kaitlyn's rally includes a flying shoulder tackle that would make the Ultimate Warrior proud, and then a gutbuster. AJ briefly regains command with a Fujiwara takedown, but when she goes up top, Kaitlyn catches her and shoves her off. Fortunately, Big E. is waiting, and catches AJ.
    Big E tosses AJ back into the ring, where she almost immediately gets hit with a wicked spear. But it's so wicked that AJ is sent flying halfway across the ring. Kaitlyn is still hurting, and is slow crawling over to make the cover. So it only gets a two. Kaitlyn's thinking she'll try for another one, but when she charges, AJ sort of latches on and does a tilt-a-whirl/spider-monkey move until she's hanging off Kaitlyn's back and able to cinch in the Black Widow.
    AJ wrenches back extra hard on the injured left arm, and Kaitlyn eventually taps out. Not quite as entertaining as their match last month, but extremely well laid out and executed with the arm injury psychology. I'll take it.

  • Ryback beats Chris Jericho, via pinall. Jericho enters first, after a brief delay due to the Lite Brite Jacket. During Ryback's entrance, they have clips recapping Ryback's "leg injury," which caused him to wuss out of one match, and which he used in another match to sucker in Miz and steal a win. At issue: whether Ryback has a legit knee injury that will hamper him, or if it's all just a ruse that he'll use to steal another win.

    Ryback plays the Wuss Card out of the gate, until Jericho hits him with a baseball slide while he's loitering outside the ring. Jericho tosses Ryback into the ring. Crowd's not entirely into it, save for "WHOOOOs" for Jericho's chops, and "Goldberg" chants at Ryback. Then Jericho lays in with a few kicks to the back of Ryback's leg, and Ryback begs off, claiming injury.
    The momentary pause by Jericho allows Ryback to gain command, which is his standard power moveset, but augmented with a nice "TIMBER!" splash off the middle rope. Then, when Ryback tackled Jericho off the apron, Jericho went flying into the announce table, injuring his ribs. Ryback immediately attacked them with a surgical focus.

    Ooooops, spoke too soon. He did about 2 or 3 moves targeting the ribs, then settled in for a chinlock. Not only poor strategy, but also boring as shit! Jericho fired up out of the chinlock to start a rally, including a nice crisp Northern Lights (only a 2), then kicking at Ryback's legs again to set up an attempt at the Walls. Ryback powered out, and hit Jericho with a belly to belly suplex. Only a 2. Meathook lands hard. Still only 2.
    Ryback decides it's time to Finish It. He hoists Jericho up for the Shellshock, but Jericho wraps around and tries a Codebreaker. Ryback counters by turning it into a powerbomb. Ryback tries to turn it into his double-clutch powerbomb, but Jericho escapes, runs the ropes, and hits Ryback with a chop block to his bad knee. Ryback stumbles into the ropes, draped over the middle one. Jericho is able to hit an abbreviated Codebreaker from this position. Only a 2.
    Jericho goes up top for a cross body. Ryback rolls through, and snatches Jericho up into a press slam position, then drops him into Shellshock position... but Jericho whips around and turns it into a tornado DDT. Sweet spot. But it's only good for a two.
    Jericho tries to follow up with a Lionsault, but Ryback moves. Jericho adjusts to land on his feet, but Ryback's right there to hit him with a schoolboy roll-up. Jericho's caught by surprise, and pinned on the flukey move.

    OK match. Not as good as the one Bryan got out of Ryback a few months ago, but still among the top handful of Ryback's non-gimmick singles matches. [SMELL THE DAMNING FAINT PRAISE~!] And probably better than the live crowd gave it credit for (until the final 3-4 minutes, when they did perk up), too. Decent flow for 12 full minutes, good End Game, with some creative spots mixed in to take advantage of Ryback's power. All of which is thrown into stark contrast by the "cheap" way in which he won.... interesting. Ryback has layers!

  • Alberto del Rio beats Dolph Ziggler, via disqualification, to retain the World Heavyweight Title. Ziggler's newest less-than-masculine merchandise: a pastel orange w/ pink accents tank top, which he wears to the ring. By comparison, Alberto's little scarf is the Road Warriors' shoulder pads. Lilian treats us to full boxing-style intros, and then we're off.

    Crowd's certainly pro-Ziggler, but just as importantly, they are anti-Alberto. Standard feeling out stuff to start, with Dolph trying to jab and move, while Alberto looks to ground him with headlocks. Ziggler seems to win this, after hitting his 10 Elbow Drops [Ed. Note: hey, Pyro, think of a a name for those that's as good as "10 of Clubs."] and dumping Alberto over the top rope. But then Dolph goes out to fetch Alberto, and yep: that tried and true Role Reversal spot. When Ziggler tried to follow Alberto back into the ring, Alberto was waiting with a running enzuigiri.

    As Alberto settles in, we get our first mention of Mr. MitB Damien Sandow, who the announcers mention is backstage, watching this match on a monitor. I wish....

    Alberto does seem to be snuffing out Ziggler's hope spots with sudden kicks to the head, but other than that, they're staying away from the concussion stuff so far. In fact, there's no particular focus to del Rio's attack. Not even on the arm (which is par for the course given the cross armbreaker). Alberto gets a little extra heat during this sequence by taunting the crowd, and even mimicking Ziggler's mannerisms.

    Alberto gets a little too cocky, however, and saunters his way up to the top rope. Ziggler gets a running start and leaps up to the top rope in one jump to catch del Rio with an Atomic Facebuster. Awesome. Both men slow to their feet. Once they get there, there's a bit of double reversey until Ziggler dodges a charge and Alberto eats the steel ringpost as a result. 

    Both men down. Ref starts counting. Both men up. Seems like this must be End Game.

    Alberto lands the first big blow and convincing near fall, off a German suplex. Ziggler gets the next one with a Fameasser. Alberto holds onto the ropes to block a Zig Zag, and turns it into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. TWOOOO. Alberto goes up top, but when he jumps off, Ziggler catches him in mid-air with a dropkick. TWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Then, before Ziggler can follow up, AJ's music hits, and she skips to the ring. Dolph is distracted and annoyed. He orders AJ to leave, but she doesn't. Alberto tries to take advantage by attacking from behind, and after some back and forth, they reprise that SICK inverted superplex from last month. Only a two. Alberto is frustrated, and decides it's time for the cross armbreaker. But after slapping his wrist, Ziggler is able to dodge... but he can't get out of the way when Alberto catches him with that short enzuigiri, the same move that beat Ziggler last month.
    But Dolph kicks out.

    Alberto decides to take it up a notch, and pulls down his kneepad to reveal the steel brace underneath. He's about to drive the steel into Ziggler's head... but AJ jumps into the ring and hits del Rio in the head with her women's title belt. That's a DQ.

    Good match. Not great. Still not even close to the best these two could deliver. But good.  About 15 minutes, with the midmatch heel beatdown being a bit underwhelming, but the End Game was plenty fun. Then, a bit of a letdown finish, since it was more of a "drag it out" deal than an actual twist.

    To that end, Ziggler was upset with AJ, but didn't really say or do anything besides walk away from her as she claimed she was trying to help. So we don't really know what her intentions are, and thus, Ziggler can't respond in any sort of compelling fashion either. Net result: nothing actually happened, and it just feels like a cheap finish for a PPV match.

  • John Cena beats Mark Henry, via submission, to retain the WWE Title. Well, that means the RAW MitB Match goes on last. Which is how it should be. But it also means there will be no cash-in tonight. Oh well. Henry enters first. Cena follows. Boxing-style intros. Crowd is not your standard 50/50 split for Cena. More like 75/25, at least to start.

    Before the bell even rings, the announcers are bludgeoning us over the head with the fact that there's no way Cena can hit the F-U, because Monday. Which, of course, is convincing if you are 9 years old. Or mentally enfeebled. Otherwise, it's pretty much proof positive that Cena hits the F-U in the next 15 minutes.

    Henry with pure power to start: he's ragdolling Cena, splashing him, headbutting him, having his way with him. Match spills outside, and Henry drops Cena, ribs-first, across the steel ringsteps. Ribs-centric attack follows. Insert your own "Mark Henry loves him some ribs" joke here. [For bonus points, work in a reference to JR's BBQ Sauce.] Stomps and kicks. Standing on Cena's back. Bossman Straddle, even.
    In addition to the standard "Let's Go Cena"/"Cena Sucks" chants, there were also some stupid "SEX SHUL CHOCK LAT" ones that, thankfully, morphed into "HEN REE, HEN REE" chants at about this point.

    Cena finally starts a rally after chopblocking Henry. He gets Henry up for a side suplex, and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. But when he goes for the F-U, he collapses under Henry's weight. Henry tries to follow up with a powerslam, but Cena counters it into a DDT. Only a 2 count.

    Then, as if it's no big deal, Cena hoists Henry up and hits the F-U. Told you so.
    But guess what? Henry kicks out. Huh. NOW I'm surprised.

    Cena ponders his options, and decides to go up top for his big leg drop, but Henry catches him in mid-air and nails a World's Strongest Slam. Now, it's Cena's turn to kick out.

    Crowd immeidately starts chanting "One More Time," but Henry decides to act frustrated, instead.  Henry goes out and grabs two steel chairs. Then, while the ref is distracted getting rid of those, Henry yanks the pad off a turnbuckle... but Cena reverses things at the last second, and sends Henry crashing into the exposed steel.

    Cena locks in the SSTF. Henry gets a rope break. Cena tries to follow up, but Henry shoves him off. Cena hits the ref. With the ref down, Henry blatantly kicks Cena in the balls. Ref crawls over and makes a slow count, but Cena kicks out at 2..

    Henry gets Cena up for another World's Strongest Slam, but Cena weasels out the back door, and picks Henry's ankle from behind for another SSTF. Henry starts working towards the ropes. Cena pulls him back to the center of the ring. Henry finally taps.

    If this was 1988, this would have been a pitch-perfect and action-packed Hulk Hogan match. But it's not 1988, and I'm no longer in 6th grade, so I'm only willing to grant that it was a solid 15 minute version of a basic tried and true formula. A couple effective near falls spiced up the End Game, but not to the point where this is any kind of must-see material. Not even "should-see," really.

  • A Friendly Reminder: The Wyatt Family debuted on Monday, and attacked Kane. In addition to getting a video recap, this is the first mention all night of Kane being out of the match, which leads me to believe they have no intent on naming a replacement for him (otherwise, wouldn't they have set that up earlier in the night?).

  • Randy Orton wins the All Stars Money in the Bank Match to win a shot at the WWE Title. Rob Van Dam enters first to a huge ovation. He looks in nominally better shape than when last seen in TNA, but it's also pretty clear that this is 2013, not 2003. While soaking in the cheers, Rob sneaks in a quick Sabu Pose. Awwwww. Then Christian. Then Bryan. Then Orton. Then Sheamus. Then Punk. That's everybody.

    Unlike the chaotic start to the SD match, this one is all about Meaningful Glances. It seems as though the established WWE guys do not care for RVD coming in and stealing their thunder. So even as Rob is all "Aw c'mon guys," they swarm and take him out of the ring.
    Then more Meaningful Eye Contact, and everybody swarms on Sheamus. He's out of the ring.

    Then Punk pairs off with Christian and Bryan with Orton. Punk and Bryan win, and the crowd goes wild as the two turn and lock eyes. It's a Wanker Dream Showdown! If anything, Bryan seems a slight crowd favorite over Punk.
    But just as things are heating up, and Bryan's going for a YES! Lock (yes, he did rename it; or re-rename it), Sheamus got in the ring with a ladder, and started taking people out. Then Orton turned the tables and knocked the ladder into Sheamus' face. Then RVD got back into the ring and cleaned house. He laid Bryan out on the ladder and hit a Rolling Thunder for a "You Still Got It" chant. Then, he laid Orton out ont he same ladder, and went up top for the Five Star, but Christian broke it up. Boo!

    Christian, the Master of Ladder Matches, started building up the inventory, by fetching various ladders of various sizes (including a mini/Hornswoggle ladder) and laying them out around the ring. Once his foundation-laying work was done, Christian got a regular ladder set up in the middle of the ring and started climbing it. Sheamus was the one who came in and stopped him.

    Now Sheamus goes up top. And Van Dam is the one who makes a lunge at the ladder and shoves it over, causing Sheamus to land HARD on one of the legs. Call me a mark, call me gullible, but that can NOT have been planned that way. That look scary, and Sheamus may need a kidney replacement after that.
    But if he does, he's no-selling it, as he immediately gets up, counters an RVD kick, and follows up by hitting the rolling front senton on RVD. Onto the ladder. Not as bad as Sheamus' bump, but still mighty ouchy. Then Sheamus targets Bryan, and sets up a ladder "bridge" between the ring and announce table. He tries to powerbomb Bryan onto the bridge, but Bryan counters, and turns it into a running high knee. Both of them are down. So is RVD.

    Orton reset the ladder in the ring, and starts climbing. Christian makes the initial save. Punk joins him. RVD brings another ladder in and sets it up next to the other one. Sheamus and Bryan join him. All six men are up on the two ladders, grabbing wildly for the briefcase, which starts swinging all over the place. Finally, the wild grabs cause the two ladders to get shaky, and all six men go flying as the ladders tip over.

    Sheamus is first to his feet, and is able to hit a series of big moves (backbreakers and white noises), eliminated all five. Sheamus sets up a ladder. RVD tries to make the save, but Sheamus jumps down and rams the ladder into RVD's face. Boo! Sheamus climbs again, and Bryan gets up top with him to trade blows. Crowd gets WAY into it with some YES!/NO!... but "NO!" wins, and Sheamus turns Bryan around for a ladder-assisted 10 of Clubs. Nice.

    Bryan goes flying, and it's up to Punk to make the save. Sheamus is yanked off the ladder. Punk sets the ladder up in a corner. Whips Sheamus into it. Hits his running high knee, then climbs up to the top, and rides the ladder down onto Sheamus' back. Punk takes a deserved bow, but Orton cuts him off when he starts setting up a ladder in the middle of the ring. Orton props the ladder up in a corner, and hits a nasty T-bone suplex on Punk (into the ladder). Hangman DDT, and Punk's powdered out.

    Orton begins sensing victory, but he's wrong. Because CHristian comes out of nowhere and hits him with a spear. Bryan tries to get into the ring, and HE gets a spear, too. Christian sets up a ladder, and starts clmbing. RVD is the one who breaks it up, but jabbing CHristian with another ladder. RVD sets tht ladder up in a turnbuckle and then starts climbing. Christian breaks that up and starts climbing.

    RVD joins him on top of the ladder. They trade blows, and the ladder gets tipsiy. As the ladder tips over, CHristian goes bouncing off the ropes, but RVD spidermans over to the other ladder int he corner. HOLY SHELTON BENJAMINS, SPIDERMAN! Christian is laid out in the middle of the ring. RVD sees this. And he does the only logical thing: he climbs up to the very top of the ladder and hits a Mega Five Star Frog Splash. Holy shit, indeed.

    RVD sets up a ladder to climb. Sheamus breaks that up. Then Bryan joins in the fun, taking out both guys. Punk tries to get involved, but Bryan takes him out with a suicide dive, as the crowd goes nuts. Orton and Sheamus try to stop Bryan, but both get decimated with ladders. Sheamus even tries to go to the top rope, and Bryan pastes him with a ladder, causing Sheamus to go through his very own Ladder Bridge. Ouch.

    Bryan has a clear path to victory, and begins climbing.... and Curtis Axel runs in. Yes. THAT Curtis Axel. I like the guy. More than most of you like the guy. But this is not where he belongs. Axel takes out Bryan with a chair... and then goes after Punk. But Punk drops him with a GTS.
    Immediately, Paul Heyman appears, and starts berating Axel. "You don't do that to him. You were supposed to help him.  You do not hurt my friend." Punk seems to be buying it, as he only gives Heyman a quick glance before getting into the ring and setting up a ladder...
    But as soon as he begins climbing, Heyman gets in the ring with a ladder, and slams it into Punk's back. And then into Punk's head a few times. Heyman's satisfied Punk won't win. At least, not right now. So Heyman leaves.
    And conveniently enough, it's RVD who is the first to take advantage. RVD/Heyman Conspiracy Theories, anyone? Eh, probably not.
    But Orton is able to grab him by the ankle, and yank him backwards. RVD just so happens to fall the exactly perfect way so that Orton can RKO him in mid-air. Like most mid-air RKOs, RVD pretty much did all the work and RKO'd himself, but it also looked pretty cool.
    Orton then climbed the ladder and.... and got the briefcase. Well, that was anticlimactic. It felt like a segue to the next big spot of the match. Not a finish. I mean, you're telling me two ladder shots from Paul Heyman is enough to take out Punk for good? Oy.

    I know it's my "gimmick" that I'd rather live in a world without Orton, but I think I've been pretty fair to the guy when the chips are down. Up to, and including, the fact that his work the past 2 years makes him a regular owner of "Match of the Week" honors. So please keep that in mind as I voice my disappointment.
    It's not just that Orton's an anticlimactic winner in a match that was full of hot acts. It's that the whole match had a ton of little anticlimaxes. They wrote Kane out, but didn't take advantage to do an angle replacing (why bother?). They wanted to advance Heyman Drama, and sent Curtis Axel out there in a spot where he didn't belong, and where nobody less than Brock Lesnar would have done. Only then did Orton and his sort of tepid/left field/"wait, that's it?' win take place.
    The overall effect, despite over 25 minutes of adequately amusing high spots being strung together, was not especially impressive. The SD MitB Match did almost everything better, despite having far fewer tools to work with. A bunch of mid-carders came up with way more creative spots, had run-ins that actually enhanced the drama, and did a finish that felt like a finish.
    Granted, this could be a product of increased expectations (I know I was expecting a lot out of the All Stars match), but I don't think it's entirely attributable to that. I think it's just that RVD and Bryan were the easy stars of the match in terms of performance (Sheamus also, if "getting your ass kicked to the point where I honestly believe you need organ replacement surgery" makes you a star; seriously, Sheamus took a whupping), while Bryan and Punk probably struck most fans as the "favorites" in terms of overall presentation leading up to the match. And yet, WWE decided: "Here, suckers, have Orton, who is, at best, 4th on the depth chart of Guys Worth Caring About."

    Show ends with JBL -- shamelessly and inexcusibly -- claiming we just witnessed the greatest ladder match of all time, while Randy Orton poses with a briefcase. Hey, at least it's the right color this time! ZING~!

And so ends the show. Whether due to high expectations or not, I'm just not gonna be going overboard with a positive rating, here. You had Axel/Miz that really just wasn't very good, and you had both Ziggler/Alberto and the All Stars match coming in a bit disappointing. Not hugely disappointing, but you not, you know?, BOSS.
Henry/Cena probably did just about the best match those two can do. And the SD MitB match was outstanding. But when a case can be made for the pre-show match being the 3rd  best match of the night, something probably misfired. Plus: anyone who's been with me for any length of time knows that I weight the final match/final "taste in my mouth" move heavily than the rest of the show.
In this regard, Money in the Bank was less than it could have been, in my humble estimation.
If you've got the time and the lack of morals, I suggest you just go steal the SD MitB Match from youtube, enjoy the hell out of it, and then tune in tomorrow night for RAW, where one hopes WWE gets back on track.
And if they don't, hey, that's what I'm here for, right? I'll have the full recap or RAW for you, complete with any turd polishing that may be necessary. As always, you know how to thank me for my years of tireless efforts, and in return I thank you for your generosity.
See you again tomorrow, kids.


SMACKDOWN RECAP: Bonding Exercises
RAW RECAP: The New Guy Blows It
PPV RECAP: WWE Night of Champions 2012
RAW RECAP: The Show Must Go On
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Boot Gets the Boot
RAW RECAP: Heyman Lands an Expansion Franchise
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Losing is the new Winning
RAW RECAP: Say My Name
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Deja Vu All Over Again
RAW RECAP: Dignity Before Gold?
PPV RECAP: SummerSlam 2012
RAW RECAP: Bigger IS Better
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Hitting with Two Strikes
RAW RECAP: Heel, or Tweener?
RAW RECAP: CM Punk is Not a Fan of Dwayne
SMACKDOWN RECAP: The Returnening
RAW RECAP: Countdown to 1000
PPV RECAP: WWE Money in the Bank 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Friday Night ZackDown
RAW RECAP: Closure's a Bitch
RAW RECAP: Crazy Gets What Crazy Wants
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Five Surprising MitB Deposits
RAW RECAP: Weeeellll, It's a Big MitB
RAW RECAP: Johnny B. Gone
PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2012
RAW RECAP: Crazy Go Nuts
RAW RECAP: Be a Star, My Ass
RAW RECAP: You Can't See Him
RAW RECAP: Big Johnny Still in Charge
PPV RECAP: WWE Over the Limit 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: One Gullible Fella
RAW RECAP: Anvil, or Red Herring?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Everybody Hates Berto
RAW RECAP: Look Who's Back
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Care to go Best of Five?
RAW RECAP: An Ace Up His Sleeve
PPV RECAP: WWE Extreme Rules 2012
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Sh-Sh-Sheamus and the nOObs
RAW RECAP: Edge, the Motivational Speaker?
SMACKDOWN RECAP: AJ is Angry, Jilted
RAW RECAP: Maybe Cena DOES Suck?
RAW RECAP: Brock's a Jerk
SMACKDOWN RECAP: Back with a Bang
RAW RECAP: Yes! Yes! Yes!
PPV RECAP: WWE WrestleMania 28




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