So I'll probably be slacking here as I tell you what happened.
 
Here are your quick-and-dirty results (and I do mean quick) from the just-completed Bragging Rights 2010 pay-per-view:

• US Champ Dan Bryan beat IC CHamp Dolph Ziggler in a non-title match. Good pace and drama/heat to start as a "smart" crowd was way behind DanYil BryYan, and way against Vickie Guerrero. They actually kept the back-and-forthy going for a good 5 minutes before settlign in for the mid-match heel beatdown (Ziggler focused on Bryan's neck area). Five minutes of that, and then Bryan's rally began, and we went back to back-and-forthy, this time with nice counter-wrestling and nearfalls. Best false finish had Ziggler hitting a Fame-Asser (Striker: "Ziggler's making him famous"; you can't call it an "F-U" anymore, but you can call back to Mr. Ass' finisher, instead of calling it a Rocker Dropper?), with the ref counting three but noticing that Bryan's foot was on the rope before the final count. Ziggler tried a sleeper after that, but Bryan again got the ropes. Between Vickie screaming and Dolph freaking out at the ref, Bryan had time to recover, and as soon as Ziggler charged him again, Bryan felled him and applied the Labell Lock. Fin. A solid 15 minutes, and a tale told in three distinct acts: good, slow, good. Who said Act II is always the best one?
   
  
• John Cena/David Otunga beat Drew McIntyre/Cody Rhodes to become the new Unified Tag Team Champions. Drew/Cody entered, univited, to so some generic bragging, and were interrupted by the RAW Virtual GM (he got plugged back in tonight, I guess), who said if the champs were there, they might as well defend the titles. Cue Nexus' music, and Wade Barrett enters: he has an idea. Nexus will win both the WWE *and* tag title tonight, and to make sure it happens, he is assigning Cena to team with Otunga. Don't lose, Cena, or you'll be fired. Match starts, and I'm pretty sure Otunga never tagged in. Cena did all the work -- getting mixed "Let's go Cena/Cena Sucks" chants no matter what he did -- and eventually pinned one or the other with an F-U after about 5 minutes of low-workrate/high-intensity. As a match: poor. As a twist: interesting.
   
  
• Ted DiBiase beat Goldust. Good to see this paid off on PPV (I can't overstate how impressed I've been with Goldust's overall work -- even handcuffed by the G-rated horseshit -- in his latest WWE sting), but I think they can do better. Lame ending where the women (Maryse for DiBiase, and Goldust's "fiancee" Russian Maryse) got into a catfight, and Goldust got all chivalrous and helped his woman, and DiBiase scored the cheap pin. Bleh. Another 5-minute TV Special. After the match, Goldust and Russian Maryse connived to get the better of Teddy, and walked away still in physical possession of the Million Dollar Belt.
   
  
• Layla beat Natalya Neidhart to retain the (co-)Women's Title. I'm really digging Nattie, and the only cool spot of the match was one where she Davey Boy Smith'd Layla with a delayed suplex but added the flourish of doing squats while she held Layla up. Sign me up for a slice o' them thighs. Another "5 minute TV special" (nothing PPV worthy) came to an end after predictable Michelle McCool interference let Layla score the cheap pin. Whee. So Natalya finally start scoring serious points with the fans, and we just shove her aside? I mean, I like (the soon-to-be-returning) Beth Phoenix as much as the next guy, but there's gotta be a way to utilize the few bright spots on the WWE female roster.
   
  
• Kane beat the Undertake to retain the World Heavyweight Title. Pretty much a textbook slobberknocker. Nothing fancy, but nothing wimpy, either. Mystery of the night: was the crowd chanting "We Want Brock" or "We Want Blood," dammit? The fact that it's Minnesoate makes the former more likely, but the fact that it's G-rated crapification for the sole purpose of owning a Senate seat makes the latter equally plausible. Kane wins the standard mid-match heel beatdown, and manfully carries Taker up the entrance aisle to the burial plot at about the 10 minute mark. More brawling ensues as Taker escapes the first burial attempt, and then a few teases. Finally, a big spot where Kane tries to drag a (possum-like) Taker to the grave, but Taker Zombie Sits Up, and grabs Kane's arm and immediately locks in the Hell's Gate. Kane is limp as Take shoves him into the plot, but Taker then lets himself get distracted by Paul Bearer.
   
  And then, for no apparent reason, Nexus runs out and starts beating on Taker (no Cena, just the Core Four). Kane revives (or "resurrects" if you're a ham-fisted WWE announcer being fed lines by Mr. Subtlety Vince McMahon). One Urn Shot later, and Taker fell into the grave. Nexus tried shoveling dirt onto him, but Kane called them off, and had a bulldozer dump a giant load of dirt into the grave. Man, has Taker EVER won a Buried Alive Match? They said there were 4 previous ones, but I only remember 3 (I was there in person for the first one), and Taker lost them all.... after Kane's music/celebration, Taker's music started and they projected his UT cross logo onto the tombstone in a vague symbol of something or other. About 15 minutes, but it kind of limped to anti-climax... unless Brock Lesnar is revealed the the Boss of Nexus, that ending pretty much made no sense. [If you don't get the Brock references, check the OO Forums for the info/youtubes about Taker and Brock exchanging words on last night's UFC PPV.]
   
  
• Team SmackDown beat Team RAW in the Bragging Rights Elimination Match, with Edge and Rey Mysterio as co-Survivors. My main memory of the early part of the match was how f'n annoying Cole was (now that he's also on SD due to Vince's insanity/pass-the-buck-ery, Cole's formerly-endearing doucheyness has become distracting schizophrenia due to him having to cheer BOTH brands). Santino was first out, too, which rubbed me wrong, since a crowd-pleaser like that is a guy you keep around for a cheap pop later in the match, and you dump the chumps like R-Truth/TRecks/etc early, but what do I know? Kofi followed as the 2nd elim to even the sides.
   
  Then an extended sequence, which largely showcased Sheamus. Then, a flurry of elims all within about 90 seconds: Swagger out (Morrison roll-up), Recks out (Sheamus pin), Show/Sheamus double count-out, Truth out (Edge pin), Morrison out (Edge pin). Just like that, it's 3 vs. 3.
   
  Despite Edge's huge rally, once things settle back down, the crowd is CRAZY GO NUTS for CM Punk. [You know what I want to see now that the real MLB season is over: I want Punk to somehow join up with the Texas Rangers and their Ginger Ale parties for the benefit of Josh Hamilton at some point during their exhibition series against the Giants.] Punk and Rey do some good stuff, but then there's an hiccup for Team SD, as Alberto del Rio tags himself in while Rey's in charge, but then Punk throws del Rio into Rey while Rey's back is turned, and Rey/Alberto BOTH go sprawling out of the ring. Punk tries to capitalize, but Albert recovers, and beats Punk down outside the ring; then, before re-entering the ring, del Rio ALSO beats the piss out of Rey. Rey heads to the back, assisted by trainers who seem to be looking at his arm/shoulder.
   
  After an extended sequence, Punk eliminated del Rio to give a perceived 2-on-1 advantage to RAW, but just as del Rio departs, Rey returns with an arm bandage, passing Alberto (and having a few words with him) on the way. Edge fends off the RAW attack long enough to make a hot tag to Rey, who out-quicks Zeke Jackson and pins him in an ugly/botched combo of a (619)/West Coast Pop that the ref also botched (Zeke kicked out, expecting a re-do, but the ref counted the 3). 
   
  Shortly after that, Alex Riley tried to interere on the behalf of Captain Miz, but that didn't quite work out; Miz thought he was in control, but Rey escaped a Skull Crushing Finale, wormed through Miz's legs, tagged a revived Edge, and Edge came in and Insta-Spear'd Miz for the win. Just about exactly 30 minutes, I believe. Pretty fun, especially the final half (starting with the quick elims). It's a toss-up between this and the opener for Match of the Night, although on this night, that ain't saying much. Nothing "keeper-ish" or youtube-worthy at all tonight.
   
  
• Wade Barrett beat Randy Orton via Disqualification; Orton retains the WWE Title. After the intros, but before the bell, Barrett got a mic and said this, "Just to be clear, Cena: if I don't win this match, you're fired." And in the blind of an eye, that unprovoked statement that bore little relation to the ACTUAL mission statement of Barret/Nexus leading up to this match meant I knew how it was gonna end. And I was right. Goddamned WWE and their godamned writing-for-12-year-olds.
   
  Fast start for Orton, with Barrett begging off and blaming Cena for a lack of involvement. Then a standard mid-match heel beatdown. Nothing memorable at all, just generic "WWE Main Event Style" brawling between one guy who is mediocre-at-best and another who is a rookie. About 10 minutes in a ref bump FINALLY kicked this match into an acceptable gear, as Barrett oozed prickishness by ordering Cena into the ring to help. But it backfired, and Orton countered a whip and Barrett and Cena collided. At this point, the other 3 Nexus members ran out and attacked Orton. They were getting the better of it when Cena recovered from his collision and suddenly tackled all the Nexus guys out of the ring. Barrett was all "Hey, what's up widdat?" and Cena was all "Uh, Sparky, look at the ref, there. He's up on his knees and seeing what's going on. I just saved you from getting DQ'd." Aha. Barrett sees the wisdom of this, and the match continues.
   
  But not for long. Barrett tried to capitalize on the Nexus beatdown, but Orton started an immediate comeback, rallied, and was poised to hit the RKO when suddenly Cena slid into the ring and intercepted Barrett with a tackle and then an F-U. The ref calls for the bell. Barrett wins by DQ, and the announcers (who are apparently mentally enfeebled) don't know what to make of it, even though it's the EXACT ending that I knew was coming after Barrett's incongruous line before the match.
   
  Cena beats up Barrett, Barrett doesn't win WWE Title, but Cena CAN'T BE FIRED because Writer Monkeys put nonsensical words into Barret's mouth before the match. Dum dums. Finally, after about 5 minutes of replays and insightful analysis, the announcers figure it out and claim Cena did this to save his job, and it was very clever of him.
   
  Then, after the match: Cena is going to hand Orton his WWE Title belt in a show of "Hey, I did what I had to do, but I didn't screw you over" type respect, but Orton just RKO'd him for no reason. If they are slow-building to Cena vs. Orton Chapter 9282828, and they keep doing it this way, anybody who cheers for Orton is official retarded. Or a sociopath. 
   
  Horrible ending to a tepid 20 minute match. Horrible ending to a PPV that once again ended about 20 minutes early.
  

That's it for me tonight. I honestly don't think that was even a remotely worthwhile PPV, but you know me and my "how the show ends is the most important thing" bias.... and on a night where the opener might have been the MotN, and the main event was the first giant misstep in the previous engrossing Cena/Nexus storyline, the final taste in my mouth tonight is decidedly poop-flavored.
 
Not good.

More fall-out/thoughts/etc later in the week, so keep on coming back to OO. See you later, kids...