In the case of tonight's TLC PPV, that certainly applies. Because not only did you get the bona fide head-scratcher of Sheamus (yes, SHEAMUS) beating John Cena to become the WWE Champ (for now, anyway), but you had misdirection and false finishes, you had multiple title changes, and -- with the ample TLC gimmickry -- you had TONS of non-stop action and genuinly innovative/never-before-seen high spots to pop the crowd.
 
It wasn't a textbook/highly-anticipated classic, it wasn't some kind of historical watershed show, and by definition and its very title, it's the kind of Stunt Booking event WWE can't replicate on anything resembling a regular basis. But for 3 mind-clouding hours, it was still pretty good times.
 
Here are your quick-and-dirty results from the just-completed WWE TLC 2009 pay-per-view:

• Christian defeated Shelton Benjamin to retain the ECW Title in a Ladder Match. The sweetest and purest of high-spottery, kids. The sort of thing TNA tries to bust out 2-3 times per PPV, and wonders why it never quite clicks or seems special. The sort of thing that I can't possibly recap in any meaningful way, because they crammed 30 minutes of awesome into a 20 minute bag, here. I'll note one spot -- about 10 minutes in -- when things slowed down for about 2-3 minutes due to WWE being tards: Christian started bleeding lightly (by accident), and they actually forced Shelton to just stand around and do nothing while a trainer stuck some krazy-glue on the wound to seal it up, all while the crowd booed and chanted "We Want Blood." It'd be real easy to blame the audience (and me) for being bloodthirsty monsters, but sweet jesus: there's a difference between demanding guys go out there with razor blades to slice themselves and JUST WANTING TO GO WITH THE FLOW OF THE MATCH AND NOT INTERRUPT IT FOR 3 MINUTES DUE TO A PAPERCUT! We're perfectly in the right, and WWE are weenisses. And I don't even know WHAT Michael Cole is for suggesting that this is long-standing WWE policy due to state athletic commission rules; cover for it, dum dum, but don't outright lie to us.
   
  Anyway, after that hiccup of nonfun, it was back to awesomeness. Probably the "highlight reel" moment of the match was when both Shelton and Christian got a tease by grabbing the title, but then getting the ladder knocked out form under so they had to hang. In the process of Shelton's tease, there was an awesome sequence in which he spidermanned onto the ladder, nearly got to the belt, had the  ladder tipped over by Christian, but landed flawlessly on the top rope while still holding the top of the ladder, and then slingshot the ladder back to upright in the middle of the ring WITH HIM STILL ON TOP and all without ever touching the mat. So smooth; you'll be seeing that in video packages for years to come. From there, Christian did get Shelton down for good, and then set him up at ringside on a "ladder platform." After a wicked cross body THROUGH the ladder, Christian was able to grab the ECW Title to a huge pop. A full 20 minutes (so it wasn't a Warp 8 trainwreck at all; well-paced), and while the crowd was cool at first (a little prickly-heat/bragging promo work at the very start, emphasizing the "show stealing" concept, would have gone a long way towards getting the fans off their ECW-phobia), they were hot at the end, which tells you all you need to know. A very fine opener.
   
  
• Drew McIntyre beat John Morrison to win the InterContinental Title. Little cat-and-mouse to start, with Morrison holding the nominal advantage until McIntyre got him caught out of position returning into the ring. Then standard heel beatdown sequence (a lot of armbars; Jericho would be proud), punctuated by Morrison's flashy kicks-outta-nowhere for hope spots. Johnny hit a DDT to begin a full-fledged rally, and there were a couple near-falls for each guy, leading to the finish: Morrison hit Starship Pain, and thought he won, but McIntyre snuck a foot under the ropes. This led to Morrison questioning the ref, and the ref being distracted/out-of-position due to the dispute, allowing Morrison to turn around and walk right into an Illegal Eye Gouge. McIntyre finished up with his SideSling Pedigree/Underhook DDT for the (cheap?) three-count and his first singles title. Somewhere 8-10 minutes-ish, and I don't know whether the eyepoke is supposed to be a Heinous Assault Meant to Protect Morrison (which would be a very 80s-style/booking-for-10-year-olds move), or if we're supposed to be grown up who have seen much worse and who just have to accept that McIntyre is better than Johnny. Either way: a big fat MEH. Still better than anything MOrrison and Ziggler did, but just barely.
   
  
• Backstage: McIntyre is personally congratulated by Vince McMahon (he is the "Chosen One," and don't let WWE's marketing department let you forget it!), then Sheamus crashes the party and announces he'll be duplicating Drew's break-through title win later on tonight. McIntyre doesn't exactly disapprove: he's happy with his new gold.
   
  
• Michelle McCool beat Mickie James to retain the Women's Title. Michelle was accompanied by Layla (who was wearing a "Piggie James" t-shirt, causing Lawler -- LAWLER, of all people -- to casually note, "I don't know what you're smoking on Friday nights, but if you're saying Mickie James is fat, you're crazy. Mickie is hot."), which turned out to be the difference in the match. Same template as the previous match: hot start for Mickie, heel beatdown in the middle, setting up comeback and finish, all in just under 10 minutes. If there's a difference: I MIGHT even say the women did a slightly better/more intense job of it, with less armbars and more ringside brawling. MIGHT. Mickie seemed poised to win after a Thesz Press and setting up for a DDT, but Layla interrupted. Michelle tried to attack from behind, but Mickie dodged and Layla took a big boot from her mentor. However, when MICKIE tried to capitalize, Michelle ducked once, and countered with another Big Boot to Mickie's jaw. Fin. Like I said: another 8-10 minute one, pretty standard and by the numbers. Nothing bad but certainly nothing remotely memorable/rewatchable for any reason.
   
  
• Sheamus beat John Cena to win the WWE Title in a Tables Match. More spotty-type action that's not gonna get a full recappening: not so much because it was so intensely fast-paced, but because it was clunkly and less-than-memorable for stretches. Not saying the opening Ladder Match wasn't choreographed or anything, but they at least did their set-ups FAST, whereas Cena and Sheamus set up and moved around tables in slo-mo, ostensibly to "build drama" up to the one (1) table that would be broken. In that sense, it wasn't QUITE as horrible as that Cena/Orton "I Quit" Match (random spot, move 90 degrees around ringside, make ref put mic in face, another random spot; all filler, no killer!), but if they were trying to "milk it," then nobody tell them they were trying to milk a he-goat, which is why there was no milk coming out; only a greater level of apathy than we're used to in a Cena match (cheers were there, but mild; boos were present, but seemingly offered obligatorially).
   
  About 10 minutes in, Cena started a comeback, and Sheamus tried to chickenshit it up, but Cena stalked him up the ramp, back through the crowd, and then into the ring for his standard Wacky Attack (wacky tackle, wacky suplex, 5 knuckle shuffle) to set up for Table Action. Sheamus made one move to usurp Cena's Table Set-Up, but then got beatdown again, as Cena set him up for.... for... well... for SOMEthing. Inexplicably, Cena (who'd been selling that his back was injured early in the amtch) decided he wanted to hit a move off the top rope, either a superplex or a top-rope F-U. Either way: pretty dumb for a guy with a sore back, when a NON-top-rope move would work just as well. But it also didn't matter, since Cena kept on being all wobbly and couldn't keep his balance. It is a matter open to debate whether or not Sheamus shoved him off, or if Cena fell off, but he came off the top rope and crashed through the table, and that was that.
   
  Huh. About 12-15 minutes, and like I said: clunky. But that ending sure was a shocker and then they milked THAT for a few extra minutes of stunned surprise, I was there with 'em. Please do note: early in the match, the announcers went out of their way during an INITIAL top rope spot to clarify that putting oneself through a table (by missing a top rope dive) would NOT count, you HAD to be put through a table due to an offensive effort by your opponent. On later replays, they emphasized that this was unclear at the end of the match, with Cole openly espousing the theory that Sheamus was just sitting there watching as Cena fell down. So if you're looking for an "out" or a "24-hours-later Dusty Finish," well, brace yourselves: WWE wrote that possibility in, no doubt waiting to see how the intarwebs react tomorrow before they decide for sure what to do about things....
   
  
• Undertaker beats Batista to retain the World Heavyweight Title in a Chair Match. Crowd is dead-on-arrival for this one, still unsure what the hell just happened with Superman losing to the Albino Warrior... rules are that chairs are 100% legal, but everything else is Normal Rules (including count-outs and DQs for non-chair related stuff). Batista tries swinging a chair early, playing on the idea that he's the aggressor and Taker is the passive/scared one. Doesn't work so well. Brawl to the outside; still back and forth. Back in the ring, Taker nominally in charge until Batista counters the Old School Ropewalk, yanking Taker off and beginning his requisite heel beatdown. Only lasts about 4 minutes, then Taker comes back: Old School, Snake Eyes, and after a quick double-reversey, it's Hells Gate. But Batista gets a rope break, and pulls himself outside. There: he grabs another chair and uses it to even the score a bit. Nearfall for Batista with a chair-assisted shot. Then nearfall for Taker after a chokeslam. Then they start positioning oddly near a turnbuckle and Taker charges; Batista dodges and Taker ALMOST pastes the referee, but stops short. With the ref cowering, Taker turns around, and Batista uppercuts him in the balls. BLATANT LOW BLOW (which I guess is worse than the BLATANT EYE POKE?). Batista shoves Taker to the mat, covers, and gets the (cheap?) three-count. Eye pokes and sac-punches, really?
   
  But wait: here's GM Teddy Long, declaring that chairs were legal, and nothing else. So what Batista just did is wrong, and we should restart the match. Really? I loves me how sometimes there's instant replay, but usually not; if they don't actually make this a coherent part of the "Teddy is scared of Taker and does his bidding, now" angle, WWE can kindly go screw themselves over this gaping logic leak. Of course, Batista is upset by the re-start, gets back in the ring, and is pinning with a Tombstone in under 45 seconds. Taker retains, afterall. About 12 minutes to the first "fall," then Teddy's promo and restart padded it out to 15-ish before the real finish. Heel Batista is intense and fun, but the "Chair Match" gimmick and inane lame-ass finish did them no favors here in terms of living up to past (WM23-ish) efforts. Meh.
   
  
• Randy Orton beat Kofi Kingston. Crowd did, admittedly, get into the cheap restart and Taker win, so maybe THAT was the purpose? Make 'em think Taker lost, too, just like Cena, but then surprise them with the re-do so they heat back up again? If so, I guess it worked, as the fans were back to life here. Kofi's got him The It, too, which helps. This one didn't quite follow the "template" of the other two non-gimmick singles matches, instead just alternating between brief advantages for each man. For Kofi: that meant flashy highspots. For Orton: yep, he's bringing Chinlocks back, baby! Oy. End comes shortly after Kofi over-estimates his advantage, and Orton is playing a bit o' possum, instead. Kofi eats the hangman DDT, and barely deflects the Bootie Kick o' Doom by getting his arm up. But now his arm is hurt, and as they cycle through a final sequence of ducking/dodging all each others' finishers, Kofi is the one who finally comes up short: whiffs a Trouble in Paradise kick, lands on his bad arm, pops back up and right into an RKO out of left field. Over. Boo.
   
  Right around 10-12 minutes, and not quite the big, tasty first-time Real Showdown we might have wanted out of these two after such a good build-up. More just a house-show special, with no real zing or zazz on the drama/storyline side. Well: unless you want to count the "story" that the announcers told by BLUDGEONING US over the head with the fact that Cena's not the camp anymore, so Orton could be back in the title hunt, and this was now an "unofficial #1 Contender match" for him to showcase his skillz. So of course: he won. AHHHHHHHH, HORSEFEATHERS! A total shocker of a title change, leading to "WTF?" responses and speculation as to what's to come next, and the two likeliest plot twists out there are (1) a lame Dusty Finish to undo the change, or (2) Randy Orton once again title-eligible. So I care about the stunning upset, only to realize I CAN'T care about either of the possible ramifications to it. Ugh. I hate you, WWE. Hate you so very, very much.
   
  
• Shawn Michaels and Triple H beat Chris Jericho and Big Show to win the Unified Tag Titles in a TLC Match. After the superb 20-minute opener, it's been a bit of a long stretch of stunt-booking (and less of the stuntman high spots), but the Action Is Back, now, baby! Knowing they'd have to work to top Shelton/Christian, these four brought it pretty strong, maybe not with as much high-risk, but with TONS of high-creativity. Throw in a substantially more jazzed crowd for the four future Hall of Famers, and it's basically a coin flip as to which match gets Match of the Night.
   
  Also like the opener: this one'll defy any attempt at play-by-play. Too much action and four men, instead of two, to boot. Basic vibe, however, was Jericho directing traffic early on, clearly executing a game plan he'd prepared with Show ahead of time. True to his word, he didn't JUST use tables, ladders, and chairs as weapons, he also used his Giant Destroyer of a partner, ordering Show around and managing to keep the advantage throughout the early-match brawling. Jericho's first attempt on the belts came, and he told Show to fetch him a ladder: it teetered over the top rope, but HBK/HHH manages to make a mad dash back to the ring (after being decimated on the stage) to shove the ladder into Jericho's face before he could grab it fully into the ring. That led to a pretty solid run by DX for a few minutes, bringing us to the halfway point (10-12 min) of the match, and to a change of gears.
   
  Instead of fairly-organized one-on-ones and powder-outs, it's just 4-man chaos most of the rest of the way, with back and forth and a start to ladder teases that escalate in convincingality up through the finish. Good stuff, good pace. When it's not new tricks with ladders and chairs, it's just plain hard-hitting; not fancy, but stiff, which are more elements from the Benoit-style ladder matches we saw early in the decade. We got the Total Reset for EndGame at about 18 minutes in: everybody made an attempt on the ladder, but got pulled off and then hit with somebody's finisher. It might have been HHH first (yanked off: big right hand from Show), Jericho second (caught on bottom rung with superkick), HBK third (pulled off by Show, codebreakered by Jericho), and then I know the last one was Big Show actually trying to ascend the ladder... got about 3 rungs up before HHH pulled him off; Michaels dispatched Jericho and came to help Hunter with a cool spot... a Tag Team Pedigree to Big Show. Think "spike piledriver," but it's a Pedigree, instead. To a 500-pound man. Pretty nice.
   
  This leads to DX making a more concerted team effort on the title belts, but Show and Jericho recover, and stop them from going up the ladders. In fact, Show gets REALLY angry and just breaks one ladder (torquing it past the point of usefulness), necessitating the need for DX to try ANOTHER ladder, which Show promptly rips in half. So uhhh: I'm guessing it was gimmicked, but still... neat visual as Show turns the ladder into two seperate useless legs of a former ladder. JeriShow clean house, and with no ladder, Jericho improvises and stands on Big Show's shoulders (again: pretty neat), and they walk to the middle of the ring where the belts ARE within Jericho's grasp, until DX makes the last second save. Michaels superkicks Show, causing him to stumble backwards and launch Jericho from the top of his shoulders, over the top rope, and into a table at ringside (Jericho actually came up about 9 inches short and didn't land flush like he probably wanted; hope he's OK; look nasty). Double clothesline on Show takes him out of the ring. Then, the big happy ending:
   
  Looking at the half-a-ladder, HHH gets an idea... he props the single leg of the ladder up, and acts as the other leg himself. Michaels -- the hometown boy -- is easily and safely able to climb the makeshift laHHHder to grab the belts. New champs after 25 minutes and after the night's second really good match. Nice way to end the show, even if I'm already coming up with ways (in my head) to make sure RAW is Jericho-less for a grand total of zero weeks (luckily, tonight is the 3-hour cross-brand Slammy Special, so he'll be there, and can intro whatever plot device will KEEP him there in time for the new year).