It's also a show that reinforces the (ahem) New World Order, in which SmackDown is clearly doing all the good wrestling-type stuff, and RAW is kind of laming it up as a pure "entertainment" show. Not that I have anything against "entertainment" (rather, I think it's integral to the product), it's just that you can't strive for that to the point that you're actually ignoring the inherent nature of the Core Product. Good "sports entertainment" is still a product that gets "booked" by creative folks with a head for the business, and NOT something that gets "written" by dimwitted liberal arts school graduate.
 
This is a key distinction regarding what I believe makes up an enjoyable product, and Judgment Day underscored that the Watchability Advantage has now officially shifted away from RAW and to SmackDown.
 
SD presented 4 matches on the PPV, RAW presented 2 (and yes, ECW added 1). Two of SD's matches were the hands-down best on the show, hitting the "very good" level and generating the strongest fan responses of the night. Both of RAW's 2 matches ranked as "just barely adequate" and were among the 3 weakest of the night (but were offset by the "entertainmenty" side of things in the form of a non-wrestling comedy segment and a surprising return/run-in).
 
Furthermore, I'm not entirely sure anything happened to indicate this trend is about to reverse. RAW's entertainmenty strengths were one-off moments, not anything that gets one's mouth-watering for the future... SD, on the other hand, is cultivating a crew of 6 or 7 studs who can mix, match, and mingle in countless ways to provide satisfying PPV (and week-to-week) content.
 
But enough theoretical jibber-jabber from me. You can roll this around in your own brain after reading what happened at the PPV tonight. Here are your quick-and-dirty results from the just-completed Judgment Day 2009 pay-per-view:

• Umaga beat CM Punk. Crowd was hot, as CM Punk is the hometown boy ("Chicago Made Punk"?), and the two guys delivered the goods. Good pace and intensity early as Umaga's first match since returning from injury saw him take control from the start and maintain it, looking sharp for several minutes and inviting the crowd to Chant It Up. The one-sided beatdown ended when Punk dodged a top rope swandive headbutt attempt by Umaga, and we went more back-and-forthy for the last few minutes. Story there was that Umaga had done so much damage to Punk that Punk couldn't lift Umaga, so everytime he went for the Go To Sleep, Punk crumbled and Umaga pounced. After the third instance of this, Umaga's "pouncing" included a big-ass avalanche splash, followed immediately by the Asiatic Spike for the pinfall win. Much like the Punk/Kane match last month in terms of delivering the action, but completely UNlike it in the sense that htis time, the fans actually gave a shit and there was some sizzle. Also: unlike last month in that Punk loses nothing by dropping the fall. I may question putting a buzzkilling finish like this out there in the opener, but only in terms of the effect it had on the live audience (who immediately Went To Sleep for the next two matches) and NOT because of the effect it has on Punk's standing or the basic ranking of the roster. Umaga > Kane, so this works on that level. Pretty good 10-12 minute match.
   
  
• Christian beat Jack Swagger to retain the ECW Title. These two have already had one really good PPV match and one really good free-TV match... but either the magic is waning or the dead crowd just really influenced the feel of things here, because this was easily the least of their three efforts. Largely a re-do of last month's match, psychology-wise, just with Christian getting to control things a bit more, rather than playing the plucky underdog challenger. Finish was even the same as last month, to a large degree: Swagger TRIED to cheat (by pulling the tights), but it didn't work... so then Christian showed him how it was done by pulling down Swagger's singlet and using it for leverage after some quadruple-reversey Killswitch/Powerbomb/Killswitch/Powerbomb action to score the pinfall with a cheap roll-up. Christian wins, but once again, Swagger has a beef. This was 8-10 minutes, and better than the live crowd was giving it credit for, but still nothing really memorable.
   
  
• John Morrison beat Shelton Benjamin. Shelton was accompanied by Charlie Haas, making this 4 times in a row where the old World's Greatest Tag Team have been paired up on TV. [No complaints here; if it's been determined that Shelton does not have the "it" factor, then I'm all for maximizing his value by recreating TWGTT; it's like the inverse of my theory about how Miz and Morrison did not need to be broken up.] Though both men brought some awesome, the crowd was STILL largely dead for anything other than the parts where Johnny Nitro was trying to kill himself. Which -- for better or for worse -- were actually kind of plentiful, including a very early "Holy Shit" moment where Shelton was outside and Morrison did what I can best describe as a "springboard 450 front somersault plancha." Wacky. Shelton wasn't being as flashy, but he had some cool moves, too, just more power-based and "bad ass" to let Morrison bump like mad and build up some sympathy with the fans. Even the announcing was kind of fun-but-goofy on this one, not necessarily anything that would "click" with the fanbase at large, but which I dug: JR and Grisham seem to be finding a voice (gee, and only 5 years after I started telling you that Tough Questions Todd Grisham would end up not sucking!). Only misstep: far too much time spent talking about Johnny Nitro's poetry. Do we really need to go down the Jeff Hardy Path Of Minimum Gravitas with Morrison? He already has a smaller jeans-size and larger hair-care-budget than most attractive women, so please do NOT go giving us any more reasons to not take Morrison seriously as a male, OK?
   
  I digress. But the pace of the match invites that sort of thing. Very spotty, very cool when it was in at full speed, but prone to allowing you to zone out during slower bits due to the lack of an overall story or anything resembling a truly "over" personality in the match. Finish was a nice extended sequence of highspots starting with both men on the top rope, Morrison getting the better of that, then Haas briefly interfering for Shelton, but Morrison countered that, then when Shelton tried to take advantage of the distraction, Morrison countered THAT with another springboardy type kick, and then finally got everything set up to nail his new finisher: the split-legged corkscrew moonsault that has been named "Starship Pain." Huh. If the guy's a poet, you'd think he'd have put more syllables into that one. You know, like maybe "Starship Hurtification" or "Starship Fuckyouprise" or even just plain "Starship Victory." Still: cool move, and despite the selectively-attentive crowd, they knew it when they saw it that it was cool, and did respond. Outings like this 10 minute affair are what could give Nitro some traction as a babyface over time. Highspots to cheer for? Check. Next step: exude some personality. BTW: two SD matches, two matches right in that "solid" 2.5-star range, if you're into that sort of thing.
   
  
• Non-Wrestling Segment That DOESN'T Suck Theatre. So, we're gonna eat some clock again this month, baby. But this time: it's not Khali out here to do it. It's Miz. And a winner is us. Miz's first words are an homage to both awesomeness AND continuity (which is, itself, awesome): "Wow, what a great match we just saw. I'd really like to congratulate the winner, Marty Jannetty.... uhhhh.... ummm... oh, I mean John Morrison." That is followed by a quick riff about how this is far from the first time Miz will follow Morrison and steal the show from him. Then it's on to other current events: namely, that the scoreboard is now "Miz 3, Cena 0," and that it's sad these fine fans here in Chicago won't get to see the fourth game of the series, since Cena's all holed up and in seclusion, saving his strength for his match against Big Show later. Then again, muses Miz, disappointment and sadness is something the Chicago fans should be used to: they are, afterall, the home of the Cubs. ZING~!
   
  And oh look: there's Alfonso Soriano in the front row. Cue up a good 3 minutes of Miz ripping him a new asshole, focusing on how Soriano is a Cena fan, so maybe he'd like to step in and be Cena's surrogate tonight by getting his ass kicked by Miz. Then Miz's cell fake rings and he fake answers it. It's fake Cubs manager Lou Piniella, fake telling Miz, "Sorry, I forbid Soriano to get in the ring with you. His annual crippling injury that ruins our chances of winning the World Series will happen ON THE FIELD, not in a wrestling ring." HA! As a noted baseball fan who fails to see how the rich and high-payroll Cubbies are any more "lovable" than my Yankees, I was settling in for this to go all night... but sadly, no. Here's Santino Marella?
   
  Yep, Santino. Looks like he wants to end his string of Being In Shitty Unfunny Segments by jumping in. After first taking up Soriano's cause because he is POSITIVE that "Alfonso" is an Italian name, he shifts gears to a new thesis: that WWE stars are starting to resemble members of the Animal Kingdom. Like Vickie "The Pig" Guerrero. And Vladimir "The Eagle From The Muppets" Kozlov. And finally, Miz the Jackass (punctuated by donkey braying). A bit more back and forth with the unamused Miz leads to fisticuffs, and Miz gets the better of it, finally nailing his Lowball DDT. At this point, he declares that Cena's "surrogates" have failed, and thus, as a result of a forfeit/beating-the-replacements, the scoreboard now officially reads "Miz 4, Cena 0." This is, says Miz, an historic moment for Chicago fans: OMG A WORLD SERIES SWEEP~! FOUR STRAIGHT WINS! MIZ WINS! MIZ WINS! MIZ WINS!
   
  You know what Miz needs: his ArmSock Scoreboard needs to be reversible. Like tonight, the ArmSock said "Miz 3, Cena 0." But then, when he "won" again, instead of just vaguely taunting the audience about it, Miz should take off the now-outdated ArmSock, turn it inside out, put it back on, and it will now magically read "Miz 4, Cena 0." Not only would it be a fantastic Dick Move to have the pre-updated ArmSock with him, but the Majestic Spectacle Of The ArmSock Update could be stretched out into 90 seconds of sheer, cascading hatred from the fans. If it were me, I'd drag Lilian Garcia into it to assist in the updating/announcing of the new score; then again, if it were me, I'd just be looking for any excuse to hang out with Lilian Garcia. Mmmmm, Lilian. Anyway: unless they're retards, they should EASILY be able to generate ways to get this up to "Miz 10, Cena 0" or so before having to blow it off, and this'd be awesome. It'd make the genesis of the People's Elbow look downright tepid by comparison.
   
  Oh, and then after Miz left, Chavo Guerrero ran out and Frog Splashed Santino's dead carcass, presumably because he finally grew a set and decided to defend the honor of his Swine of an aunt. Hokay. Still: Santino vs. Chavo strikes me as a better use of time than any of this Santina crap, so I guess I can't complain.
   
  
• Backstage: Chris Jericho cut a pretty basic promo underscoring a plot point he just randomly introduced two nights ago on SD.... not only does his re-ascension to the throne of Best Wrestler in the World start by beating Rey Mysterio to become the 9-time InterContinental Champ, but Rey WILL NEVER HIT THE (619). Did you hear that: NEVER HIT THE (619)? NO (619)! NO WAY~!
   
  
• Rey Mysterio beat Chris Jericho with the (619) to retain the IC Title. Such a simple thing... claim that a beloved babyface won't do something that he's done every week for 7 years, then actually have the creativity/credibility/physicality to pay-off on that seemingly-random and pointless threat for 12 minutes, and then when the babyface DOES EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DONE EVERY WEEK FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS, suddenly the fans explode and are convinced it's the bestest thing of all times. That's Heel Genius, baby. And it's also the story of this match, in a nutshell. Jericho's perplexingly-out-of-left-field boasting about being "un-619-able" turned into the lynchpin of this contest. Rey tried for it VERY early, and Jericho avoided it (predictably), but also gestured (Broadly) so as to indicate "See, jerkos, I TOLD you he'd never hit that" and get the fans on board with the idea. Then the match went on, with a few little twists (Jericho really worked the back/ribs, and at one point, tried to unmask Rey as a way to keep Mysterio off-blanace), but ultimately coming back to the (619) in the end.
   
  At the 10 minute mark, we hit Rey's big time house o' fire rally, and all of a sudden, every move seemed to be a tease to set up the (619). And every time, Jericho countered it, always in an increasingly creative/dickish way. Started out simply "playing possum" and then standing up to backdrop Rey when he got his running start. By the end, it built up to a more compelling sequence that TOTALLY suckered the fans in, in which Jericho grabbed Rey's legs on the (619) attempt and yanked him into the Walls. Nice. Rey's still alive and kicking, though, and escapes. More back-and-forth, and then there's a spot where Jericho misses a charge into the corner. His shoulder hits the ringpost and his face is in the turnbuckle. Before you even really register the position he's in, Rey is calculating the angles and getting a running start to hit a Modified In The Corner (619). Heh: the only (619) that hits in a match that was PREDICATED on (619)s is the ONLY (619) that nobody saw coming from a mile away. Again: genius. Rey follows up with a springboard move, and Jericho can't kick out of that. Maybe a bit too shortish (12-15 minutes) to be REALLY excellent, but certainly a very good undercard attraction, and again a match that was just so insanely well put-together that even as I was sitting there "appreciating" the "psychology," another part of me didn't give a shit about that and was just "enjoying" the "fun." Good times.
   
  
• Batista beat Randy Orton via (intentional) Disqualification to win the match, but Orton retains the WWE Title as a result. So, uhhh, this is the RAW Title match, and it's the first/lowest RAW match on the card, and only going on third-from-the-top... is it possible SOMEbody at WWE HQ finally looked at 5 years worth of data and realized that Randy Orton is the Ratings Killer? Or did they just know they had a shitty non-ending planned and decided to bury this match as low on the show as they reasonably could? I dunno. I just know that it's ever-so-comforting that Orton set a new 2009 record-low rating for RAW in his first week as champ on April 27. Then the next week, he broke his own record. Then last week he BROKE IT AGAIN. Can Orton top himself in the field of channel-flip-inducing futility again tomorrow night? I'd tell you to tune in and find out, but the numbers indicate that you haven't been, and thus, probably won't~! God bless you Randall, for making my job so easy and making me look like such a genius!
   
  The match? Not so hot. As the ratings would suggest, there's not much in the way of palpable fan interest here... Batista's a bit tired as a babyface, and Orton's Orton. So early on, there was apathy from the majority of the audience, and (as there was last month), a small opening for a minority of Randall's Metrosexual Mantard Army to sneak in an "RKO" chant. That lasted about 90 seconds, and wasn't heard from again, because Orton's fans are both small in number AND possessing of minimal focus and attention spans. That left them with little to zero juice as they went through the formulaic motions. Batista at least seemed to be TRYING to up the intensity in spots (big man did a top rope clothesline), but Orton wasn't matching him: just all chinlocks and half-speed (god bless him, he even busted out the old Garvin Stomp again in his effort to reach all new levels of sleep induction). Led up to them spilling outside around the 10 minute mark, and FINALLY things picked up with some full-speed brawling and shenanigans. Randy went for the cheap heat by ASKING to get counted out (even hugging the ringpost at one point to avoid being thrown back in by Batista), which isn't exactly going to add to his credibility. There's an art to chickenshittery: Edge has mastered it, Orton has not.
   
  Orton then went to trying to get DQ'ed by introducing chairs and title belts, but was foiled each time. Sadly, they COULD have done something semi-clever by playing on Batista's "temper" and recent string of getting-DQ'ed by making it look like Orton was baiting Batista to "steal" the weapon and use it in front of the ref. You know, make Orton look clever and conniving, instead of looking like a half-thawed, slow-moving pussy. But they never even hinted at that. D'oh.
   
  Finally, they did a spot in the corner where there was a sequence of reversals and Orton bumped into the ref once (no bell). Then Orton appeared to try to headbutt the ref (still no bell). Then Orton just bitchslapped the ref: finally, a bell. Orton is DQ'ed, Batista wins. Total time was around 15 minutes, and while it heated up to passable at the end, this marks 3 PPVs where Orton has had "The Ball" handed to him and has gotten stuffed at the 3 yard line, unable to decisively top even the "2 star" threshhold. The crap ending (without playing up Batista's recent DQ fetish at all) was just the whipped poop on this turd sundae, and pretty much means another month of trying to get us to care about this feud while building to a OMG NO DQ NO COUNTOUT MATCH at the "Extreme Rules" PPV.
   
  
• After the Match: Cody Rhodes and Junior DiBiase run out to attack Batista on behalf of their spent-but-still-champ Douchemaster Supreme. They are about to enjoy the fruits of the 3-on-1 advantage when..... WHOOOOOOOO! RIC FLAIR IN THE HOUSE! Wow. Let's just say I got wind that SOMEthing was up back on Thursday or so, but didn't have a CLUE anything was coming this fast or this decisively on the "Flair wasn't pretending, he really DOESN'T give a shit about what those ROH guys names are" front. Flair runs down, joins Batista, and delivers a 2-on-3 beatdown to Legacy that had better have Wade F. Keller spewing vomit from every oriface if he's to remain True To Himself (OMG 60 YEAR OLD MAN BEATING ON THE REAL WRESTLERS~!). Though the moment was great, this does officially begin the countdown to Flair stepping into the ring again (I'm assuming you're all on the same page with me, and are foreseeing a Batista/Flair/returning-HHH vs. Lethargy scenario? maybe with some swerves and turns to account for Junior DiBiase's face turn and the need for another heel on RAW?). I'm not entirely sanguine about THAT. Love the moment. Don't know that I love the idea that the expiration date on Flair's Retirement is apparently going to end up being "no later than SummerSlam, and in a kind-of predictable crap storyline." But we'll see how it all plays out.
   
  Oh, and: sorry 'bout yer damned luck, ROH.
   
  
• John Cena beat the Big Show. Here, at least, the jerkfaces in Chicago who refuse to cheer for who they are supposed to had some real fun and kept it up for most of the match. The "Let's Go Cena"/"Cena Sucks" thing was in full effect and added some sizzle/atmosphere, unlike the quarter-assed Orton cheers in the previous match. It did get bogged down a bit in the middle (oh, boy, my favorite: the extended Bearhug Of Extreme Dynamicism), but mostly, this actually wasn't too horrible. Predictable, yes. But not horrible. Cena has (historically) had some issues "meshing" with certain opponents in the past, but then goes and has great chemistry with guys you'd least expect (Umaga, for one; and yes: Big Show). Here, he and Show did their basic dog-and-pony show yet again... things were slow and boring at times, but they did not skimp on the "moments." Show wrestled like a Giant, and the odd truth is that Cena is every bit the "freak show" as Big Show due to his power and ability to perform unexpected feats of strength.
   
  So: a lot of Show manfully destroying Cena with a big move, then minutes of bleh, then Cena with a heroic feat of some kind, then Show squashes him,and lather, rinse, repeat until Cena hoists Show up on his shoulders, parades him around the ring for 10 seconds to show it's no cheap gimmick, then FU's him for the win. That never gets old, really. Yes, it was a whole match of Cena getting his ass kicked and then doing the last-second Superman comeback for the win... but it was done as well as can be asked. Satisfying to those whom it was meant to satisfy. Me? I won't even gripe too hard, cuz it was an undercard match and seemed to please the crowd. However: I WILL opine that at 15 minutes, it was probably 33% too long, which actually reduced its impact a bit. If it hadn' over-stayed its welcome, it would STILL have made Cena's young fans happy, without getting on OUR nerves. Instead: lump this one in with Orton/Batista and the ECW match as the night's three "somewhere around 2 star" matches. Inoffensive, but not really PPV worthy.
   
  
• Edge pinned Jeff Hardy to retain the World Title. Can SD pull this PPV's ass out of the fire? You bet it can. Crowd is tentative at first, after getting "selective" again in the last two lesser matches, but isn't allowed to stay that way by Edgeward and Jeffrey. As they have in some other recent encounters, they sort of eschew the "WWE Main Event Style" of early-match feeling out and go immediately into cruising gear, on the grounds that they've been wrestling each other for roughly the past 10 years straight. Almost 11, actually. Why "feel out" somebody you know that well? So we're all jumpy, flippy, and plancha-y inside of the first 3 minutes, and the bad taste of the last two matches finally does start to fade into memory. Edge's primary focus is on Jeff's back, and he manages to slide into a Restaurant Quality Heel Beatdown so effective that Jim Ross actually utters the line "I honestly thought that when Jeff Hardy came out here tonight in his face paint, it meant he was not going to be denied. I guess I was wrong." Which was a follow-up on an earlier comment about Hardy's undefeated-in-face-paint streak that came off odd; almost like it might have been told to him in a headset. Ahem. Also, JR had multiple poker-related references in this match, making observations about recklessness vs. calculation, which means he's somehow stolen an idea for a column that I had last year (but which I have yet to actually write) for comparing wrestlers to their Poker Dopplegangers. Mick Foley is a perfect Howard Lederer. Molly Holly is clearly Jennifer Harman. The Rock is so TOTALLY Phil Ivey. I could go on (and on and on), but more to the point: Edge is Daniel Negraneau (Canadian and all-around awesome) and Jeff Hardy is Phil Laak (kind of flaky-seeming and fearless almost to a fault).
   
  I digress again. Look for that column to show up... eventually. Back on task, this match really isn't allowing for this sort of digressing, as the pace is spot on and the action solid. It's just... I dunno, it's kind of kept from ever hitting that Truly Epic Gear by the fact that they've done this before in the past. And done it better. So this last "pulled-out-of-our asses-three-weeks-ago" version is a bit hamstrung in terms of edge-of-the-seat-osity. Everything's really good in execution, but the last intangible element of sizzle is lacking. Don't tell that to Edge and Jeff, though: they spill outside, and are getting ready for End Game.
   
  They brawl a bit, then Jeff gets creative and starts rearranging furniture. Clearing off the announce table here, ripping off the cushiony topping of the ringside barricade there. He sets Edge up on the table and tries to do his "run the barricade" bodyblock onto Edge, but Edge springs up onto the table, then leaps off the table and Spears Jeff out of midair and onto the floor below (and actually, onto the conveniently-placed removed cushiony-stuff, though I'm not kvetching cuz that looked SWEET). So OK, NOW the crowd is fully onboard and we're set for the big finish. The brawling continues around the ring, and eventually includes the ringsteps, which Jeff sets up to use as a springboard. When he uses them to tackle Edge into the fifth row, we get a surprise guest, though: Jeff tosses Edge back over the barricade and towards the ring, and the ref goes to tend to Edge... allowing MATT Hardy to run up behind Jeff and thwack him with the Cowboy Bob Orton-style cast. Back in the ring, Edge gets a near fall or two, but Jeff valiantly kicks out and rallies... but the cast-shot knocked him loopy, and when Jeff tries to go up to the top, he loses his balance, and Edge takes the chance to get on the ropes, too. He nails a kinda-sick-looking superplex (almost more of a super-brainbuster, don't know if it was designed that way or was just how it happened to take place), and uses that to get the pin. Over 20 minutes, and solid throughout, and with a pretty hot final 5 minutes. Probably right in the same basic range as Rey/Jericho ("just shy of 4 stars" if that be your thang), and once again adding to that whole over-riding theory of mine about how SD ruled the night.