And, even having seen it, I'm not entirely sure it makes even a lick of logical sense.

Here are your quick-and-dirty results from the just-completed No Way Out 2009 pay-per-view:

• Triple H won the SmackDown Elimination Chamber to become the new WWE Champion. The six men here were champ Edge and contenders Jeff Hardy, HHH, Undertaker, Big Show, and Vladimir Kozlov. Edge and Jeff started the match, while the other four men repaired to their Pods, to await entry at 5 minute intervals. As if starting the show off with this match (the easy "headliner" both in terms of star power and drama/uncertainty) wasn't enough, this PPV wasted no time REALLY blowing my mind, as Jeff eliminated Edge with a surprise roll-up about 90 seconds into the match. Whoa. That left a full 3 minutes for Edge to spaz out and give us plenty of facial reaction shots to convey the emotion of "What the fuck just happened?" before anybody else entered the match. So that's what he did. Then finally, he left, and Kozlov entered the ring.
   
  And stuff happened, and five minutes later, Big Show entered the ring, and more stuff happened. Pretty bland, but when it's Jeff Hardy bumping around for the big fellas, at least it'll be DYNAMIC BLANDNESS~! If that makes any sense.... Triple H entered at the 15 minute mark, and after a quick rally to spare Hardy from additional beating, sort of settled into the methodical flow of the match until Taker finally came in at the 20 minute mark.
   
  This time, the entering babyface's house o' fire routine led to something: the elimination of Kozlov in very short order. Then, the pace stayed frenetic, as the remaining four clicked well together for a blend of drama and slobberknockery that led up to a big spot where Jeff ascended to the top of a pod, and show chased him by climbing up the turnbuckles. Then Taker followed Show, and superplexed him off the top rope. That's one meaty superplex! Hardy punctuated that with an off-the-top-of-the-pod Swanton that did as much damage to him as it did to Big Show. HHH pinned Show, and then Taker plucked Hardy's carcass up and managed to eliminate him about 60 seconds later. So no, it's down to HHH vs. Taker.
   
  The two vets milked it, going another 10 minutes at this point, and without keeping up the pace, still maintained the rollicking sense of drama and excitement. Just good old fashioned "making every move count" action. Both men scored near falls as we neared the climax. Taker hit a Tombstone, but HHH grabbed for the ropes (the hell? a rope break in a no-DQ sort of match? or am I thinking too hard). HHH hit a Pedigree, but Taker kicked out. Both men exhausted and on fumes after that, both get up, one final spot of triple-reversey, and it's Trips who ends up with the better of it, hitting a second Pedigree. He covers and wins after almost 40 minutes of action. Kinda slow going after the surprise Edge Elimination up until Taker finally got in but not too shabby; not too shabby at all. This, by the by, makes 13 world title reigns for HHH, for those of you scoring at home.
   
  
• Randy Orton beat Shane McMahon in a ho holds barred brawl. Exactly what you'd expect; or at least, exactly the best I could have hoped for. Total non-stop brawling, plenty of extracurriculars from Rhodes/DiBiase on behalf of their DoucheMaster Supreme to create a wacky Sports Entertainment Segment Vibe, and all the Shane-O high spottery you could ask for. In the first 10 minutes, Orton was decimated by kendo stick shots, Shane had busted out the coast-to-coast, and tables had gotten involved as Shane was motivated by the Power of Vengeance. But then, Orton was motivated by the Power of Cheating, and used help from his stablemates to finally take control for a formulaic heel beatdown segment... but you knew Shane had one last rally in him, and plus, they kept this mid-match interlude way shorter than usual, so it was in no way a chore to wait 3-4 more minutes until Failed Heel Cheating allowed Shane to mount a comeback. Shane ducked a chairshot or two, then delivered a few of his own... but while distracted by Rhodes/DiBiase, Shane didn't catch Orton recovering. Which he was. Shane turned around, teased that he was gonna line up to hit Orton with his very own Bootie Kick of Doom, but when he started the run-up, Orton got to his feet and hit an RKO. Fin. Excellent stuff from Shane in his bi-annual PPV appearance: just non-stop, intense, and not trying to over-extend itself. It was sloppy and garbagey and only lasted 15 minutes. But it was also really solidly entertaining. Or maybe I just like the times when Orton gets battered mercilessly for no real reason. Afterall, I'd vote the guy has 4, maybe 5 matches in his entire flamboyantly-mediocre career that are even remotely worth keeping on video or rewatching. One of them is obviously the Foley match. This one just might end up being another. After the night was out, I put this pretty much on even par with the opener, neck and neck for "match of the night" honors.
   
  
• Jack Swagger beat Finlay to retain the ECW Title. Riddle me this: when are a 275-lbs All American out of the Big 12 and a fightin' Irish bastard clearly a pair of mincing ladymen? Answer: when they are given the sucktastic "diva slot" on a PPV! Swagger and Finlay didn't do anything wrong here, other than the part where they were following 90 minutes of kick-ass action with a match that even 60% of WWE's own weekly audience doesn't understand why it's happening. ECW? What night is that on again? As he's done in the recent past with guys like Lashley and Kennedy and MVP and lord knows who else, Finlay gets in there and teaches the young 'uns a few lessons in thinking on your feet and presenting a solid, cohesive match. Swagger's learning faster than most, and this little mini-feud with Finlay will serve him well as he moves on to a feud against the freshly-returned Christian. But for now: Finlay's lesson to the kid ends as it always does... with him taking the fall after a quick-and-watchable 6-8 minute "TV special." Nothing fancy, but nothing as horrible as you'd think from listening to the dead crowd, and then it ends simply enough with Swagger's Blue Thunder Bomb.
   
  
• Shawn Michaels beat JBL to earn his "financial freedom" from JBL. There may or may not still be ways to get really good matches out of JBL at this point; I dunno. But Michaels couldn't quite pull off the trick here, settling for a 15 minute Sports Entertainment Segment predicated on how evil and loathesome JBL has been for turning Michaels into his personal slave. And you do a match like that, and whether it clicks or not comes down to how compelling the storyline is. In this case, the random tale of Michaels suddenly showing up on TV "broke" and having to work for JBL is about as flaccid and silly a story as I can imagine. God bless 'em, they tried like hell to sell it, with Michaels selling all the way out to act pathetic and JBL trying mightily to recapture whatever grandiose bluster he had in 2005 that rendered him a surprisingly viable main event hell for about a year... but in the end, honestly: this wasn't even remotely interesting TV, which means a "match" built on the storyline (rather than the athletic) side of things was bound to underwhelm me in the exact opposite way that one of Michaels and Jericho's "matches" last year tried to do the same thing (slow things down, physically, but focus on the human drama).
   
  Basic story of the match was a fast start for HBK, but where he had to keep stopping himself from going too far or too fast, because he'd grab a chair and WANT to waylay JBL, but he knew that so much as a minor infraction would cause a DQ, and instead of winning his "freedom," his servitude to JBL would be extended from a one-year contract to lifetime slavery. Michaels periodic uncertainty and carefulness left the door open for JBL to pounce and begin the expected mid-match heel beatdown. The proceeded to last for about 5 minutes (not quite as headlocky as you might have feared, at least), until JBL started getting cocky and decided to REALLY start pouring it on in terms of narrating Shawn's demise to his wife (who was standing at ringside in support of Her Man). When JBL decided to take the taunting out of the ring and right into the former Nitro Girl's face, he wound up getting slapped, which not only infuriated JBL but inspired HBK. Back in the ring, and it's Five Moves of Doom time: flying burrito, nip up, inverted atomic, Macho Man elbow, and the Sweet Chin Music. Michaels wins (not that beating JBL is anything special at this point; the guy's lost an estimated 75 of his last 40 matches), hopefully escapes this storyline, and can find something really cool to do in time for WM25. You know, the way he usually does.
   
  
• Edge won the RAW Elimination Chamber Match to become the new World Heavyweight Champion. Yes: Edge. Here's how: As the six men made their ring entrances, Edge materialized out of nowhere during Kofi Kingston's, and destroyed him, then locked himself into Kofi's Pod, and apparently the ref's decided this was perfectly logical and legal. [So that explains what the fuck Kofi was doing muddying up the main event line-up... now, who's gonna pre-eliminate Kane? Not to mention Mike f'n Knox? What, nobody? Christian? Kennedy??? Hell, I'd mark out for MICKEY ROURKE~! No? Thanks for nothing, guys....]
   
  Anyway, that's how Edge scored himself a Pod and apparently a place in the match. And if you're like me, and rather a gigantic fan of Edge and his amazingly creative displays of Chickenshittery when it comes to stealing titles, you tend to overlook the massive continuity problems and plot holes caused by this "self-entry" into the match, and just sit back to enjoy the spectacle. After the swerves in the first 45 minutes of the show, I'd certainly be game for more, and given Edge's track record in situations where he pulls this shit, I'm starting to feel like I'll get what I want.
   
  The match: Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio start the match, with Edge, Kane, Mike Knox, and champ John Cena in their pods. With a palpable sense of anticipation building due to Edge's surprise entry, Jericho and Mysterio build on that by delivering probably the best five-minutes of action in the whole match. Then it's Kane who enters the match next, at the 5 minute mark. Jericho takes the cue to powder out and let Kane/Rey do some stuff, but does take an opening when it presents itself: after Kane/Rey tussle on the top rope and Kane ends up falling back into the ring, Jericho hits a Codebreaker, then Rey follows up with a big splash. Kane eliminated, so it's back to Jericho/Rey for about a minute until Mike Knox enters the match at the 10 minute mark.
   
  Then Mike Knox is eliminated at the 13 minute mark. Thanks for playing, chumpstain. Nothing against you, dude, but you get over and THEN you get main event slots; not the other way around. The other way around just pisses me the fuck off.
   
  More Jericho/Rey, and then Edge enters at the 15 minute mark...  and as with the previous heel entries, Jericho sort of noticeable takes a powder to allow Rey to break in the new guy. Or for the new guy to break in Rey.  But again: he tried to get in to score his shots when he could, and it led up to a frantic final minute or so in which the three men dodged and ducked potential finishing moves, and then set up a triple stack superplex/tower of doom thing (Jericho powerbombed Edge as Edge was superplexing Rey). Awesome. All three men down, and the Final Countdown (tm, Europe) beings.
   
  John Cena enters to squeals of glee at the 20 minute mark, and focuses much of his attention on that interloper from SD, Edge. In fact, Cena's about to F-U Edge when he suddenly remembers "shit, this is a TV-PG show now, and I can't call it the F-U anymore!". And also: before he can hit it, Jericho nails him with the Codebreaker. Cena stumbles awkwardly for a few steps.... ahhhhhh, I see: to land in the ropes where he's in perfect position to eat a (619) from Rey! And then, as Cena stumbles backward, he turns at the last second to eat a Spear from Edge. Cena is eliminated~! Much like Edge in the first match, the champ gets into the match and is pinned in less than 2 minutes. Wild.
   
  So again: an incredulous ex-champ leaves the ring, and fans are assured of another new title holder before the night is out. Jericho took particular glee in Cena's demise, which unfortunately left him susceptible to a sneak attack by Rey. A dropkick and (619) landed, Jericho briefly looked like he reversed a springboard move into a Walls of Jericho, but Rey re-reversed and school-boyed Jericho for a quick pinfall. Just 90 seconds after JonJon left the ring, Jericho's now following him, and it's down to Rey vs. Edge. Nothing nearly as extended or dramatastic as the 10-minute HHH/Taker finale to the first match, but it was also way more fast-paced and action-y... definite highlight was Edge reinventing the ever popular "Rey Mysterio As A Javelin" spot first done by Kevin Nash (this time, lawn-darting Rey into one of the plexiglass pods). It was that move that swung the momentum decisively back into Edge's favor. When the match got back into the ring, Edge went through a few motions, but eventually landed another clean Spear, and got the three count to become the World Heavyweight Champ. Somewhere around 25-30 minutes, and though a notch below the opener, this one still had plenty of goods (Rey gets a gOOld Star for bringing some serious A-game and being the match's MVP) and a last ladling of "What the Fuck?" to serve up to us fans as we try to figure out what all these means heading into WrestleMania. Hell: heading into tomorrow's RAW, even...

Fans aren't the only ones a bit baffled: so were the announcers as they did the show-closing sell-job (Michael Cole's feelings will apparently be hurt if you don't join him on RAW tomorrow night). But here's my best guess:

I don't know how all the plot devices and machinations will work exactly, but I'm pencilling this in -- at the end of the week -- as essentially adding up to a HHH-for-Cena trade between SD and RAW. Edge stays on SD as the World Champ, Cena follows as his most marketable challenger (a callback to what I still say is Cena's best extended work ever in 2006's Cena/Edge feud), and then HHH comes to RAW as WWE Champ where he can live out his baffling fetish to headline a WrestleMania against Randy Orton (a match he's pulled for twice, and which still hasn't happened; in 2005, it was because of Orton's own suckiness and inability to outshine Dave Batista as a babyface, and then last year it was scuttled a second time due to Orton's horrifying ratings as the champ to include the returned-from-injury-sooner-than-expected Cena in a 3-way feud).
 
This alignment strikes me as optimal because of the ancillary players involved. Orton, at this point, relies heavily (character-wise) on his "Legacy" group, and while you could come up with an excuse to move JUST ORTON over to SD to be with HHH, it's much harder to move three guys and have it make sense. So rather than leave Orton all by his lonesome as the boring forgettable twat that he was up until October, let's keep Legacy together, and just bring HHH to him. Plus: RAW is where Steph is, and where any revelations about HHH being a "secret McMahon" will thus flow most easily.

Same logic applies to keeping Edge on SD (where his wife is the General Manager, and massively aids in his incredibly frustrating -- yet incredibly effective -- chickenshit act). You can't relocate BOTH Edge and Vickie to RAW and have them maintain the Power Couple dynamic... so just send the now-enraged Cena to them as part of a one-for-one trade. At this point, Cena and HHH really are of equal value in terms of overall appeal and drawing ability (granted, their appeals are two two largely different audience segments, but add it all up, and neither is decisively more marketable than the other)... so if HHH is getting all insecure and politicky so he can be on the A-Show heading into WM, then fine: Cena can MORE than pick up the slack and keep SD relevant by replacing him on Friday nights.

Then, they've already announced the 2009 Draft as taking place 8 days after WrestleMania, so they can just use that to change anything or put 'em back where they want or whatever.

If anything, doing it as a simple one-for-one trade (even if they gussy it up and cloud the issue for the purposes of storylines) just cements my opinion that SmackDown is, by a wide margin, the more solidly enjoyable show every week: RAW scores its points on "live-ness" and unpredictability, but SD's roster and even-handed storytelling are so much stronger than RAW's... a strength that just might be magnified by subtracting HHH and adding Cena.

I mean, even if HHH/Cena is a wash in terms of their individual value, looking at how things will now play out tips things in favor of SD... Edge/Cena was a killer feud 3 years ago, and there's no reason why it shouldn't be ready for another go around, meaning SD "gains" in the exchange. Meantime, HHH's value on RAW is as part of a storyline that is bound to be McMahon-centric. Never a good sign. His presence may just be setting the table for a giant Buffet of Suck as Vince and Steph and Linda are all over TV, and at the end of tunnel, Trips is STILL facing Randall Orton at WM25 in a match that we've seen a ton (and more recently than 2006) and which topped out at "pretty good" on whichever PPV that was where the two wrestled a surprise title match due to Cena's injury. The drama of the match was more a function of the seat-of-the-pants trainwreckyness of that night's show, rather than a function of HHH and Orton's innate chemistry.

And after that Cena-injury-motivated night-of-making-it-up-as-they-went, didn't HHH and Orton spend the rest of 2007 and first half of 2008 averaging it up every time out, up to and including the match where they were just cruising along in tepid ol' second gear, thinking they were owning the world, but really just putting me to sleep, until BAM, suddenly Orton hurt his shoulder and at least THAT gave fans some reason to perk up and pay attention? And *that's* what you're going with as the WM headliner?

Probably not what I'd do. But then again, I'm not a McMahon, so my solution to any problem isn't to put myself or my family (even those related only through marriage) on TV and into the very top spots. And that does seem to be Vince's M.O. (for better or for worse), and has no perhaps rubbed off on Hunter.

Obviously, all this punditry may be premature on my part. We don't even know who and which titles will end up on which brands. I happen to think my way makes a hell of a lot of sense, but we'll just have to stay tuned and see what goes down in the next week or so.

OO will be right there watching and commenting, so keep coming on back to follow along. See you later, kids...