by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

But I've got the quick and dirty results for you, anyway, courtesy of WWE.com and with a few extra details provided by readers who have already mailed in about the show.  I expect to be able to add a more detailed report/analysis of the show tomorrow, but for now, this is it.

• Yoshihiro Tajiri opened up the PPV with a pinfall win over Rey Mysterio Jr.  A distraction caused by Jimmy Yang and an unidentified guy (probably UPW's Keiji Sakada, but don't hold me to that) allowed Tajiri to Pearl Harbor Rey with a buzzsaw kick.  A very well-reviewed match, one called it the Match of the Night.
• Chris Benoit beat A-Train via submission.  Stiff work by both made this watchable, but not much better than that, sayeth the experts.
• Zach Gowen pinned Matt Hardy to score his first WWE singles win.  Short and spotty, but fun.  Crowd was digging it.
• In an unannounced match, the Basham Brothers beat the APA thanks to interference from Shaniqua.  Nobody had anything else to say about this match other than the extraordinarily valuable information that Shaniqua was sporting a new pair of tits.
• Vince McMahon beat Stephanie McMahon in the "I Quit" match...  Steph didn't actually quit, but instead, Linda McMahon threw in the towel on her behalf as Vince refused to release her from a choke hold.  Scores no points as a wrestling match, but was kept shorter than most expected and was entertaining with all the extracurriculars (Linda and Sable were actively involved).
• Kurt Angle made John Cena tap out to the ankle lock.  About 20 minutes of great action; everybody except the guy who liked Tajiri/Rey said this was the Match of the Night.
• Big Show beat Eddie Guerrero cleanly via chokeslam to win the US Title.  On the short-ish side, and all agreed this was (a) not the best use of Eddie and (b) not the finish that ANYone wanted to see.  Chavo argued with Eddie after the loss....
• Brock Lesnar pinned Undertaker to retain the WWE Title in the main event.  Very long match that took a good 10 minutes to get moving, but was exciting after that.  Lots of extracurriculars, again, this time including the FBI, Vince McMahon, and the "biker chain."  Lesnar pinned Taker after Vince helped him get the chain.

That's all...  like I said, I'll try to get my hands on a more detailed analysis of the show so that those of you who (like me) didn't see the show can get the full flavor of it.  Look for that tomorrow, along with my usual OO update.

Sadly, I can already tell you what the headline story will be: Michael Hegstrand, best known as Road Warrior Hawk, passed away in his sleep last night.  A second eulogy in as many columns is not something I look forward to, but it must be done...  More tomorrow.

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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