Recap of the things leading up to Abyss being given the ring, and we have out opening. Awesome Kong is still in it, and so is Jeff Hardy, despite not being seen since January 4th…

Gracing us with his presence right out the gate, it’s AJ Styles (W/ Ric Flair, no Ho’s) Via video recap, we see that last week, they did bad things to The Pope. AJ says that when the Pope came out last week and placed himself high up on a pedestal. AJ gets it, that Pope thinks he’s the man, but AJ says that he is THE Man, rattles off Ric’s old line about Being the man, and taunts Pope about not walking for a long, long time.

Ric is on the mic, and last week, Hogan drove Ric crazy by giving his Hall of Fame ring to Abyss. Ric is disgusted by this, compared Hogans actions to giving the ring to one of the fat boys in the audience, and is frothing at the mouth as he calls Hogan out.

This gets Abyss’ attention, who comes out to “American Made.” (Doesn’t WWE own that? Or is this a Video game version like the nWo theme being used.)

Ric is aghast that Abyss is wearing the ring and came out the music, says that Abyss couldn’t shine AJ’s shoes, and that he’s a clown. Abyss says that no, he couldn’t shine AJ’s shoes, but he’d be happy to remove them, and stuff them up Ric’s ass! This sets Ric off, AJ takes over, and tells Abyss to shut up! He runs Abyss down, and tells Abyss to take that ring off, Ric says to put it on AJ’s finger, And AJ punctuates it by saying for him to do it before he disgraces the great name of Hogan. Abyss goes, “You!!!”

And this brings out Hulk Hogan. He asks AJ what he knows about having a good name? Hogan calls out AJ’s butt kissing of Ric Flair, Rambles about the greatness of various champions…

And Ric interrupts, telling him that Even though everything Hogan touches turns to gold, he ain’t gonna tell Ric what to do. They spar verbally a bit, and Ric rips his coat off, screaming, “Let’s do it right now!” Hogan and Abyss exchange a knowing nod, drop the mics, and AJ and Ric backpedal so fast out of the ring they leave skidmarks. Ric tells Hogan the he just bought himself some time, but to be warned, that before the end of the night, the Hall of Fame ring would be on AJ’s finger.

(ADS)

Backstage, Mick Foley is getting to the arena, and he looks mad.

Taz and Tenay are your hosts. They show us a few of the matches we are going to have later tonight.

Speaking of which: Oh boy! It’s the Nasty Boys (W/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Team 3-D in a no DQ Tables Match. Both teams don’t even get to the ring before getting into the brawleryness. Sags and Devon make their way into the ring, brawl their way out of it, and are replaced by Brother Ray and Knobs. Flip flop and fly followed up by a Whassup. Brother Ray leads a sing along for Get the tables, and Devon does indeed, get a table. While they are setting it up, they are attacked by the Nastys. They control and threaten tableage when Jessie Neal runs out, grabs Jimmy Hart’s helmet, tosses it to Ray. One helmet shot later, Sags eats table, and the Duds are the winners.

Back in Bischoff’s office, and Mick Foley is pissed that Eric got him out of the building in order to embarrass Abyss. Eric Does of flippy floppy with the conversation, and gets Mick to admit that maybe he’s being a bit selfish getting all blown up over something that ended so well for Abyss. Eric asks where the new suit is, and Mick says that he left it back at the hotel. Eric tells him to go get it, and Mick aw shucks his way out of the room to go get the suit.

(ADS)

We’re back and here comes ODB to take on Daffney. Daffney is still scary. I kinda like that.

ODB barely lets her get her scream out before attacking her and throwing her around the ring. We split screen and backstage, Tara is talking about how she underestimated Daffney, won’t do it again, and will meet her again. Back in the ring, Daffney gets a chop block, and proceeds to destroy ODB’s leg, eventually leading to getting herself disqualified for using a set of steel steps on her knee. She continues to work the knee until Dr. Stevie drags her away.

Backstage, and Jeremy Borash has Mornandez for an interview. He brings up Matt grabbing the tights during the 8-Card stud tourney, and Matt doesn’t appreciate JB trying to stir stuff up, says that he did what he had to do, and he and Hernandez are back on the same page, and ready to take on all comers.

(ADS)

Out to the ring, and Beer Money have something to say. Robert Roode says that it’s been 2 years since they formed Beer Money, and that they vowed to be the best they could be. Well by god, here they stand today, not only the greatest tag team in TNA, but the greatest tag team in the world. James grabs the mic, and says that he doesn’t want to have a war with Eric Bishchoff, but for some reason, the new guys in charge of TNA wants to put Beer Money on the sidelines. James says that they want back into the action, so that Robert Roode can earn his money, so that James can buy his Beer, and if anyone has a problem with that, then that’s just your bad luck.

Hernandez comes out, says he’s heard their pleas, and says that he’s going to go to Hogan and request a title shot for Beer Money at Destination X. Roode accepts, play their music.

Backstage, and Kevin Nash and Eric Young explain that they don’t want a ring or a ref, they just want to destroy 6-Pac and Hall on TV.

Jeff Jarrett barges into Eric Bischoff’s office, and gets in Erics face about refusing to be run out of the company. Eric pours on the sincerity, Jeff calls bullshit, but Eric says to hear him out. Eric says he respects Jeff for doing the right thing last week. He wants Jeff to meet him in the ring later on, and Eric will give Jeff what he wants. Jeff doesn’t trust Eric, but he’ll see Eric in the ring.

(ADS)

BTW, did you guys hear that on March 8^th, TNA is going to Mondays?

We get a recap of the events between Jeff Jarrett and Eric.

Eric Bischoff comes out, grabs a mic, thanks the Impact Zone, says he loves us, and starts getting to the point. Eric says he’s man enough to admit his mistakes, so he apologizes for running one of the best wrestling companies into the ground 10 years ago… Oh wait, he is talking about apologizing to Jeff Jarrett, and graciously gives Jeff his music back, and even his pyro.

Jeff looks pleased at this development, but still has the suspicious eye for Eric. Eric says that he asked the wrong thing of Jeff, and calls for the barbed wire baseball bat. He acknowledges that Jeff did the right thing in not using the bat. But the Problem is, he didn’t do the right thing by Eric. Eric says that Jeff screwed up, and that as punishment, Jeff is going to flip some burgers at the concession stand. He supplies Jeff with a spatula, and a hair net. Eric says that if Jeff doesn’t like it, he can just quit and save them both a lot of trouble. When Jeff just glares at him, Eric says “I didn’t think so. Happy flipping.” And makes his exit.

(ADS)

Back, and Matt Morgan is WTFing Hernandez’s decision to offer a tag title shot to Beer Money at Destination X. Hernandez says, “But you said…” and Matt says that he meant that maybe they could start with Generation ME or MCMG. He admits that he said it just to sound cool, and that Hernandez needs to be on the same page with Morgan outside of the ring if they are to make things work. Hernandez agrees, and they saunter off.

Out to the ring, and it’s Brian Kendrick and Kazarian for a title shot for the X-Division title at Destination X. Kendrick controls with a little bit of chain wrestling to start, but Kaz takes over with some of his own high flying stuff. Kendrick gets control back with a nice looking neckbreaker, and goes up top. Kaz interrupts this with a sweet looking kick to Brians head. Kaz hits the Flux Capacitor from the top rope and he’s going to Destination X.

Backstage, and EY and Nash are taping up for their street fight with 6-Pac and Hall.

(ADS)

We’re back, and backstage, Abyss says that whoever wants to get that ring off his finger, they can bring a chain saw, they can bring a see-saw, and they can try to come to get him, but he might just come to get YOU! He says that now, he is not only the Lord, but the Monster of the Ring!

A video package gives us the history of the Global Championship. Does Mr. Anderson have what it takes to take the title from Rob Terry?

Backstage, and Christy Hemme asks Mr. Anderson what he thinks his chances are. He calls for his mic, and says that tonight will be a night that wrestling fans will want to watch again and again, because tonight is the night he’ll get his first taste of TNA gold. He admits that Rob Terry is a big guy, he fast, He’s stronger than 6 gorillas. But Mr. Anderson has been in the ring with guys bigger than Rob, Faster than Rob, and in fact, Mr. Anderson HAS been in a ring with 6 gorillas before. (HA!) He hit’s his catchphrase, and says the second “Anderson” Really fast, drawing a nauseated groan from Christy. Pretty amusing stuff.

What’s this? Kurt Angle is making his way to the ring? Do you think that he wants a ringside seat for Mr. Anderson’s attempt at the Global Title?

(ADS)

Back, and Brutus Magnus stops Rob, and warns him that he made a big mistake going against The British Invasion. Brutus pokes Rob, who grabs his hand, crushes it, and tells Brutus to piss off.

Out to the ring, and it’s Mr. Kennedy challenging Rob Terry for his Global Championship.

Mr. Anderson calls for his mic, and starts making fun of Kurt and his little medal given to him by some widow or mother. Or something. Anderson holds out the medal that he took from Kurt last week, and rambles on, not noticing that Kurt Angle is standing right behind him holding a steel chair. Anderson says that he got his metal from a Vietnamese widow and mother, is that ok? When the crowd chants for Angle, Anderson says that they make him sick, and that’s Kurt’s cue for him to lay out Anderson with the chair. A few chair shots leave Anderson comatose. Kurt takes back his Warrior medal, gestures broadly to Rob Terry that Anderson is all his. Rob comes out, hauls Anderson back to the ring like a sack of potatoes, hit’s a running powerslam to his corpse, and the pin is perfunctory. This pleases Kurt muchley, and he grins from ear to ear as Terry celebrates his win.

Backstage, and Mick is back, wearing a closed trench coat. Is he wearing the suit under that thing? We’ll find out later.

(ADS)

Back, and after a recap of their hostilities with the Band, Nash and Young are exiting the building. 6-Pac is waiting there and Young goes after him. As they brawl, Hall sneaks up behind Nash and kneecaps him with a steel pipe. Young gets the better of 6-Pac for an instant before Hall grabs him, punches him a few times, and then grabs him by the throat, telling him to stay out of The Band’s business. 6-Pac punctuates this with a jumping kick, and they tag him with a “4 life” across his back. They walk away, and Nash is in pain.

Elsewhere, Abyss can feel the power of the Hulkimaniacs surging through him!

Still elsewhere, and Jeff is dutifully working the concession stand like he was told.

(ADS)

Back, and Eric is talking on the phone with someone, and telling then that no, he doesn’t want a weekly celebrity guest host idea, that it’s the stupidest idea he’s ever heard of. (HA!) He hangs up, and here comes Mick, and yes, he does indeed have the suit on under that coat. Eric notices a spot of mustard on the lapel, and Mick says it’s because he was eating a hot dog, and he saw Jeff flipping burgers. He was so surprised at this that he did a spit take. Eric says that that’s not cool, but it’s all good, because the next phase of reinventing Mick Foley is sending him to etiquette school. Mick initially scoffs at this, but when Eric says that he wants to make Mick a long term investment, Mick bends to the idea, and he heads on out.

Out to the ring, and Desmond Wolfe (W/ Chelsea in a skirt about 3 millimeters away from being not TV safe) is out to take on Abyss (with a remix of his entrance that incorporates American Made)

Abyss’ newfound power doesn’t do him much good to start, and Wolfe technicals him down for a few minutes. Abyss comes back with some power; Wolfe gets an arm wringer, and runs into a black hole slam. 1-2-3 and Abyss wins.

After the match, here comes AJ and Ric to cause some damage. Abyss actually holds his own until Desmond comes in with a chair. Abyss no-sells the chair shots, but falls to a Flair chop block. They beat him down in the corner, handcuff him to the ring rope, and here comes Hogan. Punches for everyone, but once again, Ric with the chop block takes Hogan down. They beat down Hogan, with Ric drawing blood. Abyss feeds off the audience’s energy, and breaks the handcuff, chasing Ric, AJ, and Desmond out of the ring. As Abyss tends to Hogan, we go to…

(ADS)

Moments ago, stuff happened to Hogan.

Hogan has a mic, and says that if Ric wants to keep interfering in people’s matches, that on March 8^th, he’ll be coming out of retirement and getting back in the ring. Ric rants and raves until Hogan has the techies cut his mic. He then informs AJ that he will be joining Ric in the ring, and their opponent will be Abyss and his partner. Ric screams and rants asking who Abyss’ partner is, and Hogan does the big reveal, “On March 8^th, when TNA goes live, you’ll be taking on Abyss and his partner, Hulk Hogan!” Ric and AJ go berserk at this news, the crowd cheers, and Abyss and Hogan pose for the crowd as we fade to the Spike TV logo and we’re outta here.