We open with a homage showing the older, real ECW, interspersed with more recent stuff. Clearly WWE doesn’t see a difference, even if we always have. Roll opening video. Josh and Byron waste no time. We’re having two matches, sure, but OMG~! We get to meet the cast of NXT.

Match 1: The Miz/Big Show v. Yoshi Tatsu/Goldust
WWE Unified Tag Team Championship match

Yoshi has broken out new tights and stuff for the occasion, complete with red arm strings. Nice. Goldust and Miz lock up first ,and Miz is all over Goldust for a bit, but not for long as Goldust sets him on his butt pretty quickly. Goldust does his rope work, and hits a one-count pin, followed by a big face slap. He hits the Atomic Drop and tags in Tatsu. Goldust gets Miz in a face-up wheel barrow and slingshots him backward into Tatsu’s waiting elbow. Tatsu leaps over the ropes, and rolls over Miz, getting a lateral press. Wow, if I never hear the words “lateral press” again, it’ll be too soon. Tatsu hits a cross body, and dodges a clothesline, but not a second one that sends him over the top rope. He hangs on though and flips himself back in. Yoshi hits a school boy for a two count, and then a wrist lock. He pulls Miz over to his corner, and tags in Goldust. Tatsu throws Miz to the ropes and Goldust greets him on his rebound with what I think we’ll call a ‘leaping hip block.’ Goldust gets his own lateral press, for a two count. Miz takes a powder, and Goldust follows after him. Miz jogs around the ring with Goldust in pursuit, and Miz slides in near his own corner. He tags Big Show in on the way, and Goldust doesn’t see it. Didn’t Croft and Barreta do this last week? Miz continues to distract Goldust until Big Show gets behind him and head butts (stupidly) the back of his head. Miz makes a final elbow and slides out. Big Show considers his options as we go to commercial

Back and Miz has Goldust in a chin lock, and Goldust is your Face in Peril. But not for long as he frees himself up and tags in Tatsu while Miz tags in Big Show. Tatsu applies the kicks, but it’s about like him kicking a tree trunk, and Show lays him flat with a big chop to the chest. Show picks him up and props him against the ropes, and chops him again. He steps on Yoshi’s midsection, then lifts him again and head butts him to the mat. Tatsu is now the Face in Peril, and Show tags in Miz. Miz gets Tatsu again in a chin lock, which he easily elbows his way out of, but Miz rushes him back into the heel’s corner, and tags in Show. Show gets Tatsu in a headlock of his own, and continues the abuse. Now we’re back to Miz again, who, after propping Tatsu up in the corner, Show throws Miz into him. Miz pins for two. Miz reaches down, but Tatsu shoots a foot straight up and kicks him. Tatsu begins the face power-up, and Miz beats him back down. Miz goes for the ropes and returns to find Tatsu recovered and to get decked with a clothesline. Tatsu finally makes a tag while Miz is still recovering, and Goldust comes in a house o’ fire, with clothesline after clothesline, a delayed uppercut, and an atomic drop, and a bulldog. He gets him over with a power slam, and makes the pin. Big Show steps over the top rope, and Tatsu comes in to stop him. Show grabs him by the throat and rolls him over the ropes to the floor. The referee is for some reason leaning out lecturing Tatsu about why he shouldn’t have done that, while Goldust has Miz in the corner. Show takes advantage of the referee’s attention being elsewhere, and punches Goldust in the gut, driving him back away from Miz. Miz hits his finisher, and makes the pin. One, two, three! Winners: The Miz and Big Show, via shenanigans. Miz and Show hold up their ridiculous numbers of belts, and celebrate. First match is about fifteen minutes, so already we’re on pace to bypass this week’s Raw for in-ring action.

Now we announce the first two pairings for NXT. You’ve probably already read them in spoilers, but just in case. Chris Jericho and Wade Barrett; Matt Hardy and Justin Gabriel.(a.k.a. Justin Angel).

Wow. Jericho. This does give me a reason to watch on Tuesdays but…wow. Although part of me wonders if this isn’t somehow related to being drunk and disorderly in Kentucky. I guess if Helms is involved too, we’ll have our answer to that.

We go back stage to where GM Tiffany is addressing ECW. She sells NXT and gives the premise, which Josh and Byron already gave us, when she’s interrupted by Zach Ryder and Rosa Mendes. He’s upset that Christian and Zeke are in the final match, and thinks it would better if it were the Heart and Soul of ECW. Yeah, I agree. Oh wait, he means the Heart and Soul Superhero, Zach Ryder. Tiffany says no, with no explanation. Which is funny. Rosa gets into Tiffany’s face, and in Spanish says Zach is very important and he should be the champion. (Yay, high school Spanish). Tiffany gets back into Rosa’s face, with a look that could kill, and says “I don’t care what language you ask in, the answer is no.” Rosa backs down, but Zach says since it’s an Extreme Rules match, no one, not even Tiffany, can stop him. Woo woo woo. You know it. They leave, and Tiffany is annoyed.

I’m so going to miss Tiffany. I don’t know what WWE has planned for her, but I hope it’s something worth watching. A continuation of her character would be great, but I don’t see it happening.

Back from commercial and we get the announcement of two more new teams for WWE:NXT: MVP and Skip Sheffield.

And we segue right into the last Abraham Washington show! YAY!!! And finally, we get to see Abe in the ring, as they’ve gone to the effort of moving the entire set down there for this last ECW. Nothing says “special event” like that! He threatens us that he’s a free agent with WWE, and that means he’s rich, because Raw and Smackdown will have to open the purse strings to influence him. He sells WWE: NXT also. Okay, we get it. Abe asked Vince for the biggest name in sports entertainment today to be his last guest on the show, and that guest is…Abraham Washington. To say the crowd is nonexistent at this point would be an understatement. Shelton Benjamin’s music plays, and the Gold Standard comes out to try and save the segment. He’s interrupted by Vance Archer, who starts his own promo….with awkwardly placed….pauses so he can……breathe. Then he is interrupted by Croft and Barreta, who talk about how boring this is, and the proceed to do nothing to make it interesting (other than standing there with six packs). Of course, they are interrupted, and it’s by Vladimir Kozlov, so if you were hoping that this would be at least entertaining, your hopes should be pretty firmly dashed by now. He speaks Russian, which is the most exciting thing that’s happened thus far. Archer is offended, so he pushes Kozlov, and a brawl breaks out. Kozlov and Shelton work together a bit to take care of the rest, then stare uneasily at each other. And then shake hands. Huh. I wonder what will happen with them next week!? Oh… wait….

Our next “pairings reveal” is Carlito and Michael Tarver. And after the commercial, they announce that Miz is paired with Daniel Bryan, a.k.a. ROH’s own Bryan Danielson. I bet they stayed up late figuring out that one. Then after a video package, we find out the Christian will be paired with Heath Slater.

Speaking of Christian, he is making his way to the ring, with the Shopping Cart O’ Plunder. The crowd starts up a futile ECW chant, as Christian takes the mic to give what amounts to the Official WWECW Farewell.

It was a year ago that he debuted, and most people said being on ECW was a demotion. But he didn’t look at it that way, and to him ECW feels like home. ECW gave him the ball, and he ran with it. It let him reconnect and compete against one of his oldest and best friends, the cornerstone of ECW, Tommy Dreamer. They let him mentor young up and coming superstars like Yoshi Tatsu. And the best part is that he got to do most of it as the ECW Champion, and he stands before his peeps, the longest reigning current champion in the WWE.

Now, here’s the part that Christian does pretty well, but it should have been Dreamer.

Tonight he fights for every ECW Original who wanted these three letters to mean something. Tonight he fights for every young ECW Superstar in the back that’s trying to find their way. (A somewhat more respectable ECW chant springs up.) Tonight ECW goes away forever, but he will always be proud he was a part of something great, and proud to say he was the very last ECW champion.

We take a break and come back with the announcement that CM Punk is going to be mentoring Darren Young, who’s got to have the weirdest hair I’ve seen in a while.

Match 2: Christian v. Ezekiel Jackson (w/William Regal)
ECW Championship Match/Extreme Rules

Zeke enters the ring, and we do the very official in-ring introductions, and belt showing ceremony. Christian kisses the belt as he turns it over to the referee and we’re underway. Zeke takes very early control as he basically throws Christian around like a rag doll in the first lock up. Christian stands gingerly, re-evaluating the situation. Christian runs the ropes and dodges everything Zeke tries to throw at him, until he stops short and hits Zeke with a Christian-slap. Zeke dives for Christian who sidesteps him and helps him fly out of the ring. Christian goes to the ropes to check on him, but Zeke pulls his foot out from under him, and pulls Christian out of the ring. Zeke hammer Christian, then throws him back in the ring, and begins to throw weapons into the ring after him. He tries to get in, but Christian bitchslaps him four times, and then knocks him off the apron with the kendo stick. While Christian is challenging Zeke, he is attacked from behind by Zach Ryder! Zach pummels Christian with punches. Rosa hands the garbage can to Zach who goes to hit Christian with it, but Christian kicks him in the stomach. He picks up Zach by the leg and slams him down on the trash can. Christian tosses Ryder out of the ring, and Rosa Mendes gets in and begins to yell at Christian in Spanish, and hauls of and slaps him almost as good as Christian. She keeps yelling when the camera switches angle to show what will be for me one of the top ten moments of WWECW, and that is GM Tiffany, my girl, running down to the ring barefoot with a look of pure fury on her face. She spears Rosa (not very well, but let’s pretend), grabs Rosa by the hair, and throws her out of the ring, screaming “I told you!” and, pointing to both Ryder and Mendes tells them both to GET OUT! Christian looks over the ropes at the goings-on, and Zeke has made his way inside the ring and is resting in the corner for the commercial break.

Seriously. Might not be the best run-in ever, but damn if it wasn’t awesome.

Back from commercial, and Zeke has recovered because he’s taking the big man offense to Christian. He tosses Christian to the corner, but eats Christian’s elbow. Christian goes up top, but Zeke pushes him off to the floor. Regal directs traffic on the outside, and Zeke comes around to do more pummeling around the ring. He moves the steps away from the post and slams Christian’s face onto them. Zeke is pleased with himself and takes the trashcan to smash Christian’s head, but Christian moves. Christian climbs the stairs and missile drop kick to the trashcan which Zeke is conveniently carrying in front of his face. Christian limps around the outside looking for something. Not finding it he goes back to where Zeke is, but Zeke has recovered. He throws Christian into the side of the steps, and starts to throw more stuff from the shopping cart into the ring. He empties the cart, and then runs it straight toward Christian, who again moves so that the cart hits the steps. He punches Zeke a few times in the stomach, then backs up and takes a run at him. Zeke side steps him, and Christian goes head first through the back of the shopping cart. Zeke pulls him out and throws him back into the ring and makes a pin, but Christian kicks out. Zeke throws him to the corner and tries to follow up with the trashcan lid, but again Christian dodges it and gets out of the ropes. Zeke positions the lid perfectly for Christian to hit the Fulcrum, driving the lid into Zeke’s face. Christian goes up top in the corner, and goes to the flying cross body for a pin, but Zeke pushes him off at two. Christian grabs a trash can and heads for Zeke, but Zeke pulls him in for a short armed clothesline, smashing the can to his face. He makes the pin, but Christian kicks out at two. Regal has an idea so Zeke slides out of the ring. They lift the ring skirt and find…a table! The lift it up so it’s perpendicular to the ring, and can in no way fit under the bottom rope, which is okay, because it sets up a drop kick from Christian. Both Zeke and Regal are down, and Christian continues to bring the table into the ring and get it set up. Christian throws Zeke in and tries for a pin, but Zeke kicks out at two. They both stand and Zeke throws Christian backward to the table (the legs aren’t up yet) and makes a pin for two. Zeke walks Christian back to the corner and sets him on the top. Christian helpfully puts his legs into position on the second ropes while Zeke goes to set up the table completely. He moves the table into position, then climbs to the second rope in front of Christian. They struggle a bit and Christian knocks him backward. Christian grabs him around the neck and tries to hit his bulldog onto the table, but Zeke pushes him off so Christian lands on his feet on the other side of the table. Christian grabs the kendo stick and swings at Zeke’s legs. Once he knocks him down, he slides out of the ring (again, he’s limping) and chases Regal up the ramp. Christian only goes part way though, and then turns his attention back to Zeke.

He gets in the ring, but Zeke also has a kendo stick. Doesn’t matter, Christian knocks him down to a knee with his stick, and then heads to the near corner. He leaps off with the flying uppercut (grazing the table). Zeke gets up slowly and Christian gets ready for him to turn so he can hit the Killswitch. But Christian is attacked again from behind, this time by Regal. Regal steps back, and gets ready to run in for the knee to the head, but when he does, Christian gets him and hits the Killswitch on Regal. But he’s ignored his real opponent Zeke, who grabs him and chokeslams him through the table! What??? (Somewhere, Lucky Lopez is laughing at me, and he knows why.) Zeke makes the pin and one, two….three!! Winner and new ECW Champion: Ezekiel Jackson

Oh, and by the way, our last match up for NXT is R-Truth with David Otunga.

Really? Okay, fuck you WWE very, very much. What in the world was the point of that? You’ve already essentially ruined the legacy of the original ECW the past few years. Why the heck not let it go out in style, on a popular wrestler who is, probably the only one left on the show who might be worthy of it, despite not being an ECW Original. And then, after the match, it was “Oh look at that, Zeke is our new champ. Hey, did you hear we have this new show?” Yes, we did. You’ve talked about nothing else all night. Can we not just have a feel good moment to end this and have a little class? Of course not. I’m not sure why I expected something different, but there it is. The end.