And, we’re off to a rip-roaring start, with the Abraham Washington show. But wait! Washington isn’t there! Santino Marella is the special guest host. He comes out in a suit, and not dressed as Abraham Washington, which is what I feared. Normally, I don’t care to recap his monologue, and this is no different, but I had to laugh when Santino said Washington came down with a ‘pretty sever case of the gatro-Laurenitis of the intestines.’ Here’s hoping Johnny Ace has a good sense of humor. His guest is Vlad Kozlov. This is about as much of a train wreck as you can imagine. Okay, Santino gets him to do lines from Rocky IV, and that’s kind of funny. Santino suggests they should become a tag team because they’re both adjusting to life in the US, but Vladimir is not down with that.

Mercifully, that is over, and we cut to Yoshi Tatsu and Goldust who are WALKING~!.

Match 1: Yoshi Tatsu and Goldust v. Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft

We start with Croft (in the black and red) and Goldust start off. Goldust gets early offense with armdrags, and body slap, and then an armbar. Croft gets free and tags in Barreta (in the black and green), who gets his own arm drag. Goldust knee drops onto the arm and then locks it again, but Barreta gets free. They run the ropes, and Goldust hits an atomic drop. He catapults Barreta to the ropes where he hits Tatsu’s elbow, then falls back onto Goldust’s knees. Tatsu comes in and does a somersault over Barreta, driving those knees into his back. I guess a tag was made but I missed it, as Tatsu is now the legal man. Tatsu does leaping drop kick that sends Barreta out to the floor. Yoshi leaps over the top rope to go after him but Barreta dodges. He turns back into a quick snap kick to the chest from Tatsu. Croft distracts him, allowing Barreta to grab Yoshi’s leg and land him spine-first to the ring apron. Barreta kicks him the head and throws him into the ring. He rolls in after him and tags in Croft. Croft pulls Tatsu to the center of the ring, and hits a leg drop. He ounces and gets a headlock. Tatsu powers up to a vertical bases and frees himself with some elbows to the midsection. He kicks Croft back and tries to go for a tag, but Croft intercepts him. He pulls him back toward the heel corner and tags in Barreta. Barreta hits a missile drop kick and goes for a pin, getting a two count. He gets a chinlock on him. Tatsu feels the crowd and raises a defiant fist, which gets the crowd behind him more. Again, Tatsu powers up but Barreta is able to keep him from tagging. Barreta whips Tatsu into the heel corner and follows in with an elbow, and tags Croft in. Barreta throws Tatsu right into Croft’s missile drop kick. Croft makes a pin and only gets a two count. Tatsu tries to get to Goldust, but Croft gets him in a hold and heads back to his corner, tagging in Barreta. Barreta gets Yoshi up onto his feet, but Tatsu sees an opening and fires back with some round house punches and chops. He tries to get to the corner but Barreta pulls him back. Barreta hits the ropes, but leaps right into a desperate spinning heel kick from Tatsu. Now both me and trying to get to the corner, and they each make it!

Goldust comes in a house o’ fire, with a series of clotheslines for Croft. He follows it up with a rope exchange into a kneeling uppercut and an atomic drop. He goes for the bulldog, but Croft dodges it. Goldust hits the near corner and runs back, and Croft dodges him again, but then runs right into a Goldust body drop. Goldust makes the pin, but Barreta flies in to make the save. Yoshi comes in to deal with Barreta, who sends him out over the ropes before being ushered out by the referee. Meanwhile, Goldust rolls Croft up into a pin, but the referee is busy dealing with Tatsu, so he doesn’t see Barreta come in with a clothesline on Goldust. This lets Croft roll backward to pin Goldust, which the referee of course does see. Winner: Croft and Barreta, via shenanigans..

Backstage, Zach Ryder and Rosa Mendes are WALKING~! And Zach has some sort of major announcement for the WWE Universe. I can’t wait! After the commercials, they hit the ring. Ryder reminds us that he ended Dreamer’s career and named himself the new heart and soul of ECW. Apparently Hurricane didn’t like it, but he suffered the same fate as Dreamer. So now everyone must refer to him as the new Heart and Soul Superhero of ECW, Zach Ryder. He pulls the ring announcer, Savannah, into the ring, and asks her to announce him as such. So, she does. But apparently she doesn’t do it right, so he makes her do it once more, with feeling. So she does, but he still doesn’t like it. Rosa takes the mic and yells at Savannah in Spanish. Ryder looks just in time to see Hurricane on the apron. He runs Zach head first into the ring post, then climbs up top and flies with a crossbody to Zach on the mat. Zach rolls out of the ring while Hurricane poses in triumph. Rosa joins him and they head backstage. Hurricane rolls out, takes Savannah’s hand and kisses it as she giggles.

Match 2: Christian v. William Regal (w/Ezekiel Jackson)

Christian is back to being yellow. Jackson climbs in the ring, in gear, to intimidate Christian, which of course doesn’t work. He leaves as Regal hangs up his bathrobe, and we start. They lock up and Regal shoves Christian into the corner, for a ref break. Second lucky up and Regal flips Christian to the mat, but he’s able to get back up. Regal hits a knee to the midsection and a European uppercut, then an armdrag. He armbars Christian with some finger and wrist twisting for good measure but Christian can counter it and do the same thing. Regal kips up and tries for a single leg takedown, but it doesn’t work. Christian maneuvers Regal into a brief hammer lock, but Regal spins out of it and sort of modified monkey-flips Christian over. He makes a pin for two. Regal’s got a hold of both of Christian’s hands and bends them backward at the wrist. Christian kips up, still holding the hands, and truly monkey flips Regal over. He stands over him, bending Regal’s wrists back now. Regal kips up again and hits a head butt to Christian. He gets him by the leg and pulls him down, but Christian kicks him off. Back on their feet and back to the grappling. Regal wraps one leg around Christian’s and pulls his arm across for a standing abdominal stretch I guess?

[Just a note, Regal’s standing on one foot. There’s a similar hold we do in Karate, but both our feet are on the ground because really all Christian has to do is shift a little bit and Regal will be off balance and have to break the hold. I know I’m supposed to suspend disbelief here, but come on…]

Regal finally tires of this and works Christian around into a wrist lock. Some more grappling follows and we get our first rope work, with Christian going into the ropes and coming out with a baseball slide between Regal’s legs. He gets up and hits Regal with two good slaps, and sends him to the ropes and out for a back body drop. Regal rolls out of the ring to recuperate. Christian leads the crowd in clapping, and then hits the ropes and baseball slides again, knocking Regal to the barrier. Christian admires his work for a bit, then rolls out to assist Regal with re-entering the ring. Ezekiel Jackson slowly walks around the corner of the ring and Christian spies him as he’s on the outside apron. Christian jumps down on to the floor and stares him down as we go to commercial.

We’re back, and Christian is in the ring with Regal in a headlock. Apparently this was the result of a cross body by Christian from the ring post during the commercial. Jackson stares intently from outside the ring. Regal gets to his feet and Christian pushes him to the corner, with some shoulder blocks for good measure. He tosses Regal to the far corner and runs in again, but Regal counters with an elbow to the side of the neck. He throws Christian to the second rope and then hits him with an upper cut, roundhouse, and kick. Christian is down, and Regal pins, but Christian kicks out. Regal puts Christian in a face lock, and then tries for a full nelson. He gets it, and both men are standing now. But Regal is no Chris Masters, so Christian uses one of the zillion ways to get out of this, and thrusts his hips backward, driving Regal back. Christian sets Regal up for the Killswitch, but Regal kicks backward into Christian’s knee. Christian crawls to the ropes and Regal pounces, “strangling” Christian with the bottom rope. The referee eventually gets Regal to break.

Now it’s Regal’s turn for some offense, and he whips Christian to the ropes and into an elbow. Regal gets another pin for two. Christian gets a shoulder up so Regal uses his knees to pin both shoulders down, but Christian kicks out. Regal gets Christian’s arm around his own neck (cutthroat style) and applies another chinlock. Christian feeds of the cheers from his peeps in the crowd and “Christian’s up” to his feet, slapping Regal two or three times as only he can. He runs at Regal, but is knocked down by a shoulder block, while Regal grabs his jaw. Regal has another pin for two. Christian kicks out but Regal immediately pins him again. It should have been three, but the referee was busy showing off the “TWOOOOOOOO” sign for the crowd and Regal had to call him over. Not sure if that was accidental or not. Christian kicks out, and Regal gets him in a front facelock. Again, the peeps inspire Christian to get to his feet, with a knee to the midsection, another slap, and set up for the Killswitch, but Regal again pushes him off. Regal body slams Christian, then rolls out, pulling Christian to the ring post. He places Christian’s head next to the position the mat, and then punts the side of his head. Christian rolls all the way to the other side of the ring and under the ropes, until he’s hanging head first out of the ring. He’s got one leg over the bottom rope. The referee steps between them and backs Regal away, but Jackson circles around to where Christian is still out of it. He doesn’t do anything though, as Christian slowly rolls back in and Regal hits a leg drop. He applies a series of forearms to Christian, makes the cover, and again the champ kicks out. Jackson is still stalking slowly outside the ring. Regal hits a knee drop, and then a chinlock. Regal maneuvers Christian into a reverse chicken wing and starts for a move, but Christian counters and rolls Regal up to an inside cradle. Only a two count though, and regal comes back with a punt to the head. Christian strikes out with a series of slaps, although he sells being wobbly on his feet. Regal tosses him to the ropes, but he comes out with a clothesline. He throws Christian head-first into the turnbuckle, and goes up top as Regal bounces out. Christian hits the tornado DDT. He crawls over to Regal, flips him over, and pins, but only gets two. Christian takes the time to get feeling back into his arms while Regal recovers, and hits a missile drop kick out of the corner. He again hits the corner for a missile dropkick but Regal moves. He runs at Christian who hits a jackknife for a pin, but Regal kicks out. Christian hits a sunset flip out of the corner, but he can’t hold on and Regal rolls through. Regal punts him to the head again, pins for a two count. Regal backs him into the corner and hammers him with punches. The referee forces him back. Regal dodges the ref and goes in to meet the bottom of Christian’s feet. Christian hits the second turnbuckle, and leaps out with an uppercut. He sets up the Killswitch again, and again Regal counters, but Christian grabs the back of his head and throws him out of the ring. Christian grabs the top rope to fly over, but he’s surprised from behind by Jackson, who finally sees his opportunity. Winner via disqualification: Christian.

Jackson powerslams Christian and stands over him while Regal rolls in. Jackson applies the standard beatdown as Christian tries to get up. Christian gets up to one knee and Regal strikes with the knee to the head. Jackson picks up an unconscious Christian and power slams him again for good measure. Regal and Jackson raise their arms triumphantly, as the crowd boos and the referee continues to be ineffective in maintaining control.

Well, in one hour they did manage to pack in more wrestling than Raw did last night, so that ups my rating considerably. The main event was good, although a little too lopsided toward Regal and a few too many restholds. I appreciate the slow build method to matches, I actually like it, but there is such a thing as too slow a build. Then all of a sudden we were in end game. So, final rating 2.8.