But before we get to that, I’m going to plug my repeat appearance as a guest commentator and otherwise talking head on North American Wrestling Connection at www.blogtalkradio.com/sigmafan 

So, if you’re ridiculously bored after Smackdown on Friday night, give it a listen. And now, on with the show recap.

Christian again comes down with the belt and in street clothes, and enters the ring. He’s looking less jaundiced than he was, so that’s good. I forgot to mention that last week. He gets the cheap pop with Louisville, Kentucky and introduces the final week of qualifying for ECW Homecoming. He’s interrupted by CM Punk, with Festus in tow. (Yes, I know he has a new name now, but I can’t remember it. I’ll edit it in later if I remember it.) Punk flubs his line, but continues with how important what he has to say is. Christian is laughing so Punk asks him what is so funny. Christian replies that he was watching RAW last night and saw something he would never see: Brett and HBK making up. And right now he’s seeing something he never wanted to see, CM Punk back on ECW. Punk says he better get used to it, because that title is why Punk is here. Homecoming is about former stars coming back for that title, and Punk is going to win it at the Royal Rumble. And the ECW Championship is the first of many titles he will collect to prove “straight edge” means he is better than you. He calls himself a savior (Chris Jericho on line 1), and he will shepherd the newest, youngest, brightest stars of WWE. Christian asks him if “straight edge” also means you don’t shower for two weeks. Ha! Christian runs through the list of qualifiers, and introduces the matches for the evening. It would appear, Punk is facing Mark Henry. Christian predicts a squash. He recaps: “you won’t smoke, you won’t drink, you won’t do drugs…and you won’t be facing me for the ECW Championship at the Royal Rumble.”

Nice opening, but Punk loses ten points for the Ramones t-shirt rip off he’s got going. Some things are just sacred!

Match 1: Shelton Benjamin v. Chavo Guerrero
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match

Opening up with Chavo getting Sheldon in the corner and pummeling him with closed fists. The referee separates them, and they switch places, with Sheldon now doing the pummeling. Sheldon has early offense until Chavo dodges him in another corner, and starts to hit the Three Amigos. Pretty early in the match for that, so if you hadn’t already guessed who the winner was going to be, that should telegraph it nicely. Especially since when he goes to hit the third, Sheldon is able to resist, and instead counters into a belly-to-back suplex. Shelton holds Chavo up for a while, then another rope exchange sends Chavo over the ropes, but he lands on the apron. He double-kicks Shelton through the ropes, and gets back into the ring. He keeps kicking, working the legs and knee he just kicked. He puts the boots to Shelton and then pulls him over by the leg, and bends it over the rope at the knee, the exact way knees were meant to bend. Oh the humanity! Sheldon sells it, though, and Chavo breaks the hold before the referee gets to five. Chavo somersaults over the top rope and elbow drops on the sore knee. He makes a pin, but gets two. He gets a leg lock (not a figure four) to keep up the pressure on the knee and hamstring, but he leaves Shelton’s arms free. Shelton punches his way out, and the two men separate. Shelton goes for a kick, which Chavo catches, but Shelton spins around and hits him with the other leg. This puts them both down though, as Shelton’s leg is still hurting. They both struggle to their feet and Shelton throws a few haymakers, before whipping Chavo to the ropes and then catching him with a back body drop. Chavo doesn’t delay in getting a few punches of his own once he recovers. He launches himself up the ropes, but Shelton lifts him up, and he falls face first (a front body drop?). Shelton makes the pin, but nothing. Shelton gets Chavo bent over to set up for something, but Chavo rolls through and puts Shelton into a single leg Boston Crab. Shelton makes the heroic crawl to the rope, but Chavo pulls him back. Shelton rolls through and kicks Chavo away with his free foot. Chavo makes a huge leap and gets Shelton in a head-scissors. He spins him around and finally lets him fly. Chavo goes up top for the Frog Splash, but he does so without the usual ‘tribute to Eddie’ posing. Shelton is running toward the ring post though, so Chavo just does a diving roll. Okay. He turns to go after Shelton, and Shelton hits Paydirt. He makes the pin. Winner: Shelton Benjamin

Zach Ryder and Rosa Mendes appear at the top of the ramp after showing a replay of Dreamer’s farewell. Ryder brags about getting rid of him, and then says, “Hey, let’s talk about me.” He did something bigger than win a match last week. He stopped the heart, destroyed the soul of ECW. He changed the course of the show, and as far as he is concerned, ECW is all about one man…Zach Ryder. Rosa nods approvingly. He hits his music, and to the back they go. Woo woo woo!

Match 2: Ezekiel Jackson (w/William Regal) v. Vladimir Kozlov

The two monsters glare at each other for a bit, lock up, break apart, glare, lock up, and Kozlov gets a big power arm drag. Jackson runs in and Kozlov hits a suplex. They grapple and Kozlov pushes Jackson into the ropes, so the ref can make the count. They break up, and Jackson comes out with a slap. It’s too powerful looking to call it that, really. Kozlov counters with a kick that sends Jackson out of the ring. Kozlov screams for him to get back into the ring, which he does, and Kozlov applies some muay thai style kicks (although they are much slower). Jackson catches one and sweeps Kozlov’s other leg out from under him. Jackson drops down, slamming Kozlov’s leg to the mat. This apparently hurts somehow. Jackson gets Kozlov to the corner and bends his sore leg (yes, the way it’s supposed to bend) over the second rope. Another referee separation, and the two exchange more power blows. Kozlov hits the mat and Jackson rolls out. Jackson slams Kozlov’s leg onto the ring apron, and then slams the side of his leg into the ring post. Jackson chop blocks the leg again as he gets back into the ring, and the hits an elbow drop, locking the same leg. He does it again, and then goes for a third, but Kozlov takes his good leg and pushes him backward. Jackson doesn’t let up and wraps the sore leg around the far ropes. He gets Jackson in another leg lock, which his apparently really painful. Kozlov eventually gets free a bit with some elbows, but Jackson changes the hold. He tries to set up maybe a figure four, but before he gets very far, Kozlov finally connects with his free leg and sends Jackson back out onto the floor. Jackson gets back in, but Kozlov is able to fend him off with a big boot. Jackson staggers into the ropes and back toward Kozlov, and Kozlov is able to grab him for a power slam. Kozlov whips Jackson into the corner and follows in with a big clothesline. He whips to the opposite corner, and follows in with a shoulder block. Jackson powers out with a knee to Kozlov’s face, and then a second. He follows it up with a HUGE clothesline. He gets Kozlov up into what maybe was going to be a delayed vertical suplex, but it wasn’t delayed for very long. Jackson “helps” him up, and then does his own choke slam, for a pin. Winner: Ezekiel Jackson

Post match, Regal joins him in the ring and begins direction traffic. Jackson picks him up as Regal tells him he’s a disgrace, and Jackson throws him back to the mat.

Well, I’m not a huge fan of ‘patented big man offense’ but this was actually an entertaining match, if only because I had no idea who was going to win. I guess this means that Kozlov is going to be a face, but a Russian face? That’s so…not McMahon. I’m intrigued.

Backstage, Mark Henry is PREPARING~! for his match, when he is greeted by Tony Atlas. Tony Atlas is really glad to see him, which is odd because they weren’t really the best of friends in that last story they did. Atlas offers to walk to the ring with him, just like old times. Old times? Henry says they did have some good times…but no.

Match 3: CM Punk (w/Festus) v. Mark Henry
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match

I’m not going to even speculate why Punk is kneeling and Festus is rubbing his back while Henry comes to the ring. That’s for a completely different web site. Punk yells something at the referee, and then we get the bell. Punk nearly runs away from Henry, and gets under the ropes in the corner to break it up. Punk tries to get Henry in a bear hug, but Henry easily breaks out of this, and throws him over to the mat. Punk appears to be rethinking this whole thing, but then attacks with kicks. As we saw in the earlier match, kicks are not always the wise way to go, as Henry grabs one and Punk is helpless. Punk tries to get to the ropes, but Henry pulls him back, just to throw him over the ropes to the floor.

Back from the commercial, and Henry is still making Punk wish he had chosen a different profession. Henry stalks him outside the ring and just when he gets to him, Punk drop toe-holds Henry into the steps. Ouch. Punk gets back in the ring, and tells the referee to count. He’ snot fast enough, as Henry rolls back into the ring. Punk puts the foot and then the knees to his face. He makes a pin, but only gets a two count. He strikes Henry with a series of elbow drops, driving him back to the mat. He gets Henry to his feet, slowly turns him around and hits a neck breaker. He again gets a near fall, and then out of desperation and frustration just starts hammering away at Henry. The referee breaks it up, and then Punk gets Henry in a head scissors. He punctuates it with elbows to the head, then pins again, but again only a two. Henry struggles to get to his knees, and Punk tries to drive him down with kicks. He hits one…two….and a big three that knocks Henry over backward. Punk pins him again, but only gets two. Punk rolls down his knee pad. He means business snow, and applies that knee to the side of Henry’s head. However, this has inexplicably the opposite effects as each kick seems to power Henry up. He’s finally up on his feet, and Punk tries another punch, but he shrugs it off. Henry hits him with a headbutt that sends him reeling into the ropes, and brings him bouncing out into another headbutt. He again flies into the ropes and flies back out into a headbutt. Henry may be able to do this all day, but the next time he changes it up and hits a clothesline instead. He whips Punk to the corner and follows in for a splash. Punk is hurting, and Henry calls for the crowd. He runs across the ring for another splash, but Punk moves. Punk runs in with a knee strike. He grabs Henry around the neck for something, but Henry pushes him off and almost into the referee, who cowers in the corner. Which means he can’t see Festus who kicks Henry in the side of the head over the top rope. Henry is reeling, and turns right into Punk, who also hits a high crescent kick to the side of Henry’s head. He makes the pin, and gets the win. Winner: CM Punk, via shenanigans. Festus holds up both Punk’s arm, and Punk in a way that is almost as disturbing as how they started the match.

I’m not sure. But I think I may have just enjoyed a Mark Henry match. Too bad it had to end the way it did, but I’m pretty sure they weren’t going to put Kane, Henry, and Jackson in the ring together. That may have broken the ring.

That fills out the field for the Homecoming Finale: CM Punk, Evan Bourne, Matt Hardy, Vance Archer, Ezekiel Jackson, Yoshi Tatsu, Shelton Benjamin, and Kane. I’m a little nervous that they have referred to Vance as “the undefeated” and hope that’s not foreshadowing. We will just have to wait until next week. In the meantime, three fairly strong matches, and a minimum of backstage silliness, leads me to give this one a 3.5