We open with Christian, coming to the ring in street wear. He goes to the announce table, and they make small talk before the first match. He meets Byron and confuses him with Bryant Gumble. He’s a card, that Christian.

Match 1: Matt Hardy v. Finlay
ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match

Finlay puts the illegal shillelagh in the corner, where I’m sure it won’t come into play at all. The two former champs lock up and push each other around the ring. Hardy is clearly the crowd favorite. Matt shoves Finlay off, but then gets knocked down by Finlay's elbow block. Finlay takes him down and has him in an ankle lock, but Hardy gets out. both men on their feet, and Hardy has Finlay in a reverse headlock and backs into the corner. The referee calls for the break. They separate, and then trade whips across to the near corner. Hardy drives Finlay back with an elbow of his own. Hardy tries to go up top, but Finlay grabs the leg and slams Hardy down, face and knee first. There’s an extended bit of Matt holding his leg, the ref holding Finlay back and checking on Hardy, which allows Christian to compare Vance Archer’s hair to Ellen Degeneres. Ha! Back in the ring, Finlay continues to work the knee, and Matt grabs the ropes in desperation. Finlay goes for the body slam, but arranges it so that the back of matt’s sore knee slaps into the ropes. Finlay goes back to the knee lock, and Christian asks if one of the announcers used to be a teacher. (I’d laugh, but it took me about three weeks before I noticed Striker wasn’t there.) Hardy kicks Finlay in the face to get free, but Finlay attempts another body slam. Hardy counters with a neckbreaker. He makes the pin for about 1.5. Hardy starts to gain some offense, but Finlay ducks a clothesline and then follows up with a kick to the bad knee. Quick pin by Finlay gets him about a one count. Finlay gets a European uppercut, and Hardy goes to the ropes. Finlay stomps away at the knee, and the referee has to back him up again. He backs up enough to stop the count, and then goes in again, but Hardy hits a quick toe hold that drops Finlay to the rope. Hardy hits a sidewalk slam for a two-count. Hardy hits the Side Effect for another two-count. He sizes him up for the Twist of Fate, starts it, but Finlay counters and heads for the corner. Hardy walks into a big boot. Finlay tries to go up top, but Hardy pulls his foot literally out from under him, and makes another pin for two. Hardy goes up top and moonsaults, but Finlay moves out of the way, and Hardy again hits knee first. Finlay makes a pin, but still only gets two. Finlay helps Hardy up by the hair, drawing another count from the referee. He holds on long enough for Hardy to get his bearings, and Matt is able to hit a jaw breaker on his shoulder. Another pin for Hardy and wow! That is a three count! Winner: Matt Hardy

Christian leaves the announce table, telling the team that next time, they need to ask him better questions.

Elsewhere, Zach Ryder and Rosa Mendes are WALKING~! when they see Dreamer. Ryder tells him it is over, and he should just hang it up. Dreamer says he’s right. He’s sick of losing to guys like him every week. He is nothing but a catchphrase and a stupid haircut. He has no clue what Dreamer has sacrificed to be here. So if he wants it so badly, if Ryder beats Dreamer tonight, he’ll leave ECW forever. Ryder says he’s on.

Really? Ryder gets the honors? Hopefully, Dreamer was allowed to choose this. And you know, part of me wishes that, just once, in one of these deals, the guy leaving actually wins the match for once, and then says “Fuck you all, I’m leaving anyway.” Or something like that. Couldn’t we have Tommy win just one match? Please WWE?

Ezekiel Jackson makes his way to the ring, also in street clothes. I assume we’re going to get an explanation about what’s going on with Regal, Jackson, and Kozlov? Two weeks ago, he and Regal decided to get rid of the weak link, Vladimir Kozlov. The goal is to dominate ECW, and Vlad became a liability. He quotes Ezekiel (the book in the Bible) but is interrupted by Kozlov, dressed for action. The two begin to brawl, but Kozlov gets Jackson out of the ring in short order. The two growl…literally…at each other for a while, Jackson tells Kozlov he’s going to get it. But not tonight. Jackson backs up the ramp, with an angry and growling Kozlov in the ring.

Cut to Tommy Dreamer preparing for his match. Christian comes to give him a pep talk. He says he has always believed in him, but is he sure this is what he wants? Dreamer is, and give Christian props for knowing better than any one else in the locker room what ECW means to him. Christian says he loves him like a brother, and speaks for himself, the entire ECW locker room, and the entire WWE universe when he says that no matter what happens tonight, he is and always will be, the heart and soul of ECW. Dreamer smiles and says he still wants his rematch. Christian says if he beats Zach tonight, he’s got it. Very shooty….and very nice.

Match 2: Evan Bourne v. Mike Knox

ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match

Oh yay! Evan Bourne back on my TV on Tuesday night!! Monday night isn’t being kind to you Evan. Stay here with me. Oh…uh, yeah, Mike Knox comes out too. I thought he was endeavored?

The bell rings, and Bourne stays out of arms lengthy at first, then Knox moves in, and commences with the brutality. He runs Bourne to the ropes, which seems stupid, because that’s where Bourne does cool things. And he does, as he gets Knox into a head scissors and flips him over the ropes to the floor. Bourne follows as well, and both men lay there a bit, but then get to their feet. Bourn tries to attack, but Knox tosses him hard into the guard rail, and gets into the ring. The referee count is at seven I think, then eight…but Bourne makes it in at nine. Knox hits a coupe of short arm clotheslines, then he makes a cover for two. He gets Bourne into a chinlock. Inexplicably, Evan gets out and kicks at Knox’s legs, but it isn’t enough as Knox pummels him and then tries for a vertical suplex. Bourne counters though, and this time his kicks actually do some damage, including a well placed leaping knee to the jaw. Bourne tries to bounce of the ropes, but Knox leaps and hits a cross body into a pin for another two count. Bourne reaches out and grabs the rope. Knox wanders around the ring a bit and then leaps high in the air for a double knee drop, but Bourne rolls out of the way. Bourne hits a Shining Wizard, then heads up top, but Knox knocks him down. Bourne gets up again and appears to be going for a Tornado DDT, but Knox counters by grabbing him and then planting him on his feet outside the ropes on the apron. Bourne hits a high kick over the ropes to Knox’s temple, and back up he goes. This time he does it, and hits the World’s Prettiest Shooting Star Press. Oh, WPSSP, how I’ve missed you! Winner: Evan Bourne

So as we go through this, our players are Vance Archer, Kane, Ezekiel Jackson, Evan Bourne, Matt Hardy, and Yoshi Tatsu. The final two spots to be determined next week.

Backstage, Tiffany wishes Dreamer good luck, but there are no other superstars around. Am I the only one that thinks that’s kind of bad?

Apparently they are too busy. Yoshi is teaching Goldust how to say “You’re welcome” in Japanese, and he’s failing miserably. Croft and Baretta arrive (yay!) to ask them what is Japanese for “Future WWE Tag Team champion.” They’re answer is Croft and Baretta, of course. They talk about Dreamer’s final night, and Goldust tells them to lay off. One of them says they are hoping Dreamer loses, and then maybe Goldust can be next out the door. Goldust curses them out in near-perfect Japanese (I assume). Yoshi says “Good one” and the two of them leave Croft and Baretta doing what they do best. Stand there and look pretty. One translates for the other one that what they said was they were afraid of them. Uh huh.

Match 3: Tommy Dreamer v. Zach Ryder (w/Rosa Mendes)

Dreamer loses, Dreamer leaves

Dreamer gets to enter first (which sucks. I think the champion or whatever should enter last). And we start with Dreamer more or less doing his shtick, with armdrags and what not. He hits his bulldog off the ropes for a one count. He hits a power slam out of the corner, and gets another one-count. He tries to set up the, wait, he does get the gut wrench suplex, and Ryder rolls out. Tommy gets outside the ropes and hits the cannonball, right where Beulah is sitting. Rosa helps Zach up, and gets in Dreamer’s face, which allows Ryder to recover. (Beulah so should have gotten involved in that mess). He throws Tommy face first into the ringpost. He stomps on Tommy’s head and rolls him back into the ring and we take a break.

When we return, dreamer is on his back and Ryder is applying knee drops. Ryder gets him in an arm lock, but Dreamer smacks his way out. Ryder goes for a cross body, but Tommy catches him to do a slam, but Ryder counters that into a DDT. He rolls for the pin but gets a two, and follows up with some forearms. Dreamer recovers and tries to whip Ryder to the corner, but Ryder reverses, and Dreamer flies in shoulder first. He’s kind of in a modified tree of woe, and Ryder hits a drop kick. He puts the boots to Dreamer and gets pulled off by the referee. Ryder runs in for another boot, but Dreamer dodges. Ryder swings at Dreamer, but Dreamer catches him and hits a neckbreaker. Ryder runs the ropes, and Dreamer catches him with a slam. He whips Ryder again and catches him with a sit out power slam, for a two count. Dreamer climbs up top, but Ryder recovers and punches him. Ryder climbs up, and the two try to get the other over from the second ropes. Dreamer pushes Ryder off then continues the climb and flies, but Ryder puts his foot out again. Ryder tries for the Zach Attack, but Dreamer counters with a jackknife suplex into… well, maybe it should have been a bridge, but it wasn’t. Still just a two count. He tries for another something, and Ryder Thesz presses him for a two count. Dreamer rolls him backward for a sit-down pin, for two. Ryder pushes him over, and pins him, flipping over for a bridge, but then Dreamer rolls the other way and gets a two count. (This could have been a neat exchange, had it not gone at the speed of molasses in February). Both men separate, and Ryder launches off the ropes with the Rough Rider leg lariat. He makes a pin and gets another two count. Ryder pulls him into position and goes to climb up the corner, but Dreamer is not out. He pulls him down, racking him on the ring post, and pulls him back into the Tree of Woe. You know what’s coming. Dreamer runs across the ring, “Dreamers” up the crowd joins in with a loud “E-C-W” and hits the baseball slide. He DDTs Ryder, and makes the pin as the referee counts…three???? Winner: Tomm-- WAIT…the referee waives it off. Ryder’s foot was under the ropes!! (I love when this stuff randomly counts.) Dreamer can’t believe it, but being the good trooper that he is, he continues with the match. He pulls Ryder off the ropes he’s climbing up and flapjacks him to the mat. Bounce of the ropes for an elbow drop and he makes a pin, but at two, Ryder rolls just enough so that Dreamer’s shoulders are on the mat. One…two…nope, Dreamer rolls out. He throws Zach to the corner, sets him up on the top facing out, climbs up behind him, but Zach leaps and flips into a cross body for a pin. And that, as they say, is that. Winner: Zach Ryder.

Ryder celebrates a bit with Rosa, but the camera is all on Tommy. Ryder and Mendes get the heck out of the ring so Dreamer can have his final words. I’ll transcribe them, but find the video.

“My first time in this building I sat in section 231 row 22 seats 12, 13, and 14. I was with my best friend and my father. and that was my second ever time seeing a WWE match. I saw Rowdy Roddy Piper do a live Piper's Pit, and he called in a woman from Yonkers, and I remember “Live from Yonkers.”……man…there are so many people I want to thank and I don’t want to leave out any body and I know my time is short. But thank you to everyone from the original ECW……..to the new ECW…….man, this is hard…..this has been my dream since I was 9 years old, and I think it totally proves that if you have passion for what you do, you can make it anywhere. And I made it in ECW and I made it in the WWE. ……..There are so many great people in this organization that I am going to miss so much……man, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but this is so hard…….you know, hang on one second….you know what these three letters mean to me. In WWE we’re supposed to address you all as the WWE Universe. But for my entire career, I’ve always considered you my family………My daughters go to kindergarten, and they have that…where they say what does your father and mother do for a living. And my daughter Kimberly, says ‘my daddy falls down a lot.’ ….. and my daughter Brianna says, ‘but my daddy always gets up.’ [cheers from the crowd, cut to Beulah in the crowd with the aforementioned daughters] Hang on…hang on…..and I thought about that, and Tommy Dreamer fell down a lot. But because of each and every one of you, and the millions at home watching, you made me get up…….and I thought about life….life is hard, and I know, man, we try, and it’s so hard….but we got to keep trying and fighting …. .because that’s what life is all about. Be good to others, and I will miss each and every one of you. Thank you so much. I love you all so much.”

And that is that. There’s a big ECW chant, and Dreamer takes off his ECW shirt and lays it in the ring. He leaves, and goes to where Beulah and the girls are, pick them up (the girls, not Beulah) and walks up the ramp with them. They get to the top and he puts them down so he can do the pose to his music. He tries to get them to do so, but they don’t. So he gets them to wave, then carries them back stage.

Kind of disappointed there wasn’t a group of his colleagues on the ramp for him [Ed. Note: me too, but who's left in the company that would have had any business? Joey Styles is about it...], but all in all a good send off. Looking forward to seeing him on Thursday nights maybe? Who knows!